Fresh Start or Picking up

[jessswooo]

That is one thing I have never felt. Nothing on me is really long or tall. I'm just short in general and I think that the heavy good mornings are easier for me simply because my stomach can rest on my legs at the bottom of the movement.

You're not weak. A tad competitive, but not weak. Some days are just a little more off than others. Keep on pushing or pulling, you're doing great.

Those are the kindest words i've heard this week! (my therapist always says something really sweet to me too, every thursday, haha) Thank you so much.

I think I'll be more cautious about my form next pull day and take a video of the correction I'll be making. tbh my fake boobs make my chest feel very weird if i try to tuck my scapulas down and tight. which is part of why my form became less good as the weight went up. oh well.

[jessswooo]

it's been a long time since my glutes felt sore like this. like. this time it's actually my glutes, and not my hamstrings. so that means that my butt is growing and that's wonderful. blessed i am. thank you. so i'll give back to the society and share with whoever that is reading my thread (still) this wonderful workout: it's 80% prescribed by my bf and 20% spontaneous stuff.

leg day
- warm up (dynamic back rotations, single leg bridges, double leg bridges with 5s hold, hip flexor stretches, quad/hamstring stretches, jumping squats, and anger triggered by a stupid guy who has an ugly afro and took over my rack without asking)(plus he squats less than i do)(noob)
- squats warmup : warm up with bar emphasize on balancing and an upright upper back, warm up x5 135lbs, 165lbs, 185lbs
- squats working sets: 200lbs 2x5, 1x4, 195lbs 2x5
- front squats: 115lbs 1x8, 125lbs 2x8, 130lbs 1x8
- bulgarian split squats holding 35lb plate: 3x15
- hack squats: 70lbs: wide stance 1x10, frog stance superset narrow stance 2x10/10
- hip thrusts: 4x15 130lbs
- glute-hamstring raises: 4x7 (these actually only worked my calves), ab crunches 3x15 during rest
- smith machine: RDL 1x10 90lbs, single leg RDL 3x10 40lbs (didn't feel it in my hams either)
- circuit: banded kicks, crab walks, monster walk 3x15/10/10 each leg
- stretch
- bicep curls/hammer curls 6x10 15lbs surf the rack on last set


---- lil update on my lifts:
squats i've hit 200lbs for 5 reps now, and i did 95lbs in 5's in benching without a spotter, and did 100lbs for 2 reps last week. i've been doing sumo deadlifts at 245lbs for 5's, but my form started deteriorating. my hip raises too early and makes my back arch a lot. i aim to fix that by really concentrate on keeping my back straight, and start with a lower weight as a working set. maybe i'll do 225, 235, 245, 235, 225 x5. my OHP is 65lbs for 4 or 70lbs for 3. not a lot but i'm happy with the progress i made since the boob job.

I have an itch to test out my 1rm but at the same time i know there's def more room for me to get stronger before hitting the next plateau. So. I wont test it until then.

[mavd]

I think my glutes hurt from just reading that lol

[jessswooo]

I think my glutes hurt from just reading that lol

hahaha

[jessswooo]

I think it's shoulders. My shoulders got to get worked way more than before and they grew much bigger! two things: cable diamond raises and circle of death. The first one is (i heard) invented by Robin Gallent?? is that her name, the cute gymshark uk girl). and the second one i just saw some bodybuilding pro doing it.

push day plan this month:
1. bench 5x4
2. OHP 5x3
3. cable diamond raises facing away/forward 3x10/10
4. circle of death 3x10
5. pendulum rear delt flyes 3x15/15 dropsets
6. skull crusher superset narrow grip bench press 3x10/10
7. finisher: dumbbell lateral raises 3x10/10 dropsets


Other than that, I injured myself in the tailbone ligament area doing some single leg RDL i think, so skipped leg day. deadlifts have been good, i'm working on keeping my back straight. current stats in 5x4 are: 210s/100b/250d.

[jessswooo]

oh and i started tracking macros again with a food scale. the first week it was very difficult because now that i weigh my food, i realized i've been under-eating, like 1600kcals a day, when my maintenance calories for my weight at 138lbs should be 2500, not to mention that i need to bulk still. damnit. so it took me a whole week struggling to adjust my macros and simply trying to eat more here and there.

now i'm halfway through. everyday i can regularly take in 2100 maybe. gotta drink milk and soup and eat a yogurt and a bagel throughout the day. i used to really not eat any snacks and only rely on meals. oh well.

maybe that's why my strength has gone up smoothly.

I found another really strong athlete and she amazing physique. Lauren Simpson. I wonder what her training is. Or maybe it just takes many years of good training and diet and everything.

[mavd]

Workout looks good. lol@"Circle of Death" as an exercise name. Intimidate much?

I wish I had to struggle to eat over 1600. I feel like I'm starving to death at 1600. What do you usually eat in a day besides all the filler you mentioned? I hit 2000 easy with relatively healthy stuff like avocados, oats, and potatoes (in addition to protein).

[jessswooo]

Workout looks good. lol@"Circle of Death" as an exercise name. Intimidate much?

I wish I had to struggle to eat over 1600. I feel like I'm starving to death at 1600. What do you usually eat in a day besides all the filler you mentioned? I hit 2000 easy with relatively healthy stuff like avocados, oats, and potatoes (in addition to protein).

Ah ha my meals when i was doing 1600: a 10g protein bar (nature valley) + 2 scoops whey = breakfast, lunch: chicken breast (grilled/baked/slow cooker) or ground turkey (cooked in pan, little oil) or baked salmon or baked tilapia + kale/broc****/veggie medley + brown rice, dinner = lunch. Thing is, I always gave myself only ~100g rice every time, thinking that's a 1.5 cup portion (which would be way more, like maybe 250g rice). That's where the overestimation happened. My boyfriend's meals are literally 3 times mine. So you see I was really eating a tiny amount thinking it's a lot. And I WAS starving to death everyday.

[jessswooo]

on instagram. But I already lost motivation. I'm really not a person to want to try getting more likes/followers on social media at all. I found it a burden having to take videos/photos of my lifts. Like this week i really just want to get my sets in without worrying about angles and ****. anyway.

lifts have been great on this increase calories. Not sure if it's a surplus, but my body is appreciate the extra energy very much. squat is hitting 215 for 4s (although still hip ligament sprain hasn't healed so far, 5/10 pain level at bottom of squat), bench 100 5x4 has been consistent and I'm improving my strength at the bottom, OHP i just hit 70lbs for 4s today too. deadlifts are at 255lbs 5x4 RPE 8.5, so not bad.

Plan is to do 2300cals for this and next week, and then do 2 weeks of 1800s to see if i can drop any fat. I will NOT cut for anything longer than 2 weeks from this point on bc I really like it when gainz continue to be made in the gym. Well, maybe until my jeans become tight again? Idk. I started to care a lot about abs now too. I tend to imagine that my abs are just not big enough to show. although i know mostly it's just covered by a thick layer of fat, which can only be removed by doing a cut. damnit. the struggle is real. Maybe my minicut will be 3 weeks. but 3 weeks of weakness at the gym? that's not acceptable. sigh....

[LaCroixAddict]

I've been lurking your journey for a little while (not creepy at all, right? haha) and was so excited to see videos of lifts on your Instagram - As a woman who is new to finding 1rms and aiming for heavier compound lifts, you are totally inspiring!

[mavd]

I think mini-cuts are a pretty common practice on here. IMO 2-3 pounds of fat can make a pretty big difference on how clothes fit (mostly because of where I pack the fat on lol). If you think about it, a slow bulk for 3 months will probably net you 3 pounds of muscle and 3 pounds of fat, then a quick 2 week cut to that fat off, and keep going seems to be a reasonable way to do things if you're already pretty lean.

As far as abs, I can't imagine you squat and DL your numbers and have underdeveloped abs. If so, catch them babies up and enjoy the gainz. But in all seriousness, can you feel them under the fat? Even at my current state of fluff, I can feel the ridges of the top four.

[jessswooo]

I've been lurking your journey for a little while (not creepy at all, right? haha) and was so excited to see videos of lifts on your Instagram - As a woman who is new to finding 1rms and aiming for heavier compound lifts, you are totally inspiring!

Hi dear!! Aw thanks. That's probably the best compliment that i've received so far. Very glad to hear you're also lifting heavy!! It is very exciting. What's your ig account?

[jessswooo]

I think mini-cuts are a pretty common practice on here. IMO 2-3 pounds of fat can make a pretty big difference on how clothes fit (mostly because of where I pack the fat on lol). If you think about it, a slow bulk for 3 months will probably net you 3 pounds of muscle and 3 pounds of fat, then a quick 2 week cut to that fat off, and keep going seems to be a reasonable way to do things if you're already pretty lean.

As far as abs, I can't imagine you squat and DL your numbers and have underdeveloped abs. If so, catch them babies up and enjoy the gainz. But in all seriousness, can you feel them under the fat? Even at my current state of fluff, I can feel the ridges of the top four.

I can feel 1 piece of abs. A whole piece. Under my fat hahaha. I think my core strength is there, my abs are thick, but there's absolutely no definition. In the mornings I can see the middle vertical line and some definition on the sides but definitely no horizontal separation whatsoever. I think you have way better abs than I do bc you've been active and playing all those sports for years when I barely did anything and have skipped abs for a long time. Those cardio and intensity level must do something for the abs.

And yay! Thanks for the insight on bulking/mini cut. I'm excited.

[jessswooo]

Especially during my 2 sets of 4 reps of sumo i literally was spraying pee all over the floor. it was very gross and very embarrassing. good thing nobody was really looking and i quickly wipe the floor.

Last deadlift day was very good, i lifted even heavier and didn't have any leak. Today is just. weird and weak. I'll make sure to exercise my vaginal muscles more often = = and my hands hurt like they were burning. and i ripped my thumb skin loading weights.

Also forgot to bring protein shake, yogurt, lunch, and granola bar all together. What a sad sad day.

I think it's all because our fat cat mochi woke me up at 4am (he's still cute. he was sniffing my face to make sure i'm still alive and then sat on top of my head and took a nap, then i raised my arm to stretch and he started biting my hair tie on my wrist). so, i barely got any good sleep the next hour. and then had to wake up at 520 and go to the gym. damnit mochi.

[mavd]

Mochi is an amazing cat name!

You might be right about my sports helping with the abs. Every single male pro hockey player has the most gorgeous ripped abs lmao. Plus, I was in ballet from age 3-17.

But, yours are also probably shaped differently, too. Abdominal muscle shape has a genetic component, I think.

[jessswooo]

1rm testing today: attempted 240 lbs (theoretical on some website) but failed, my tailbone ligament wasn't holding it at all- this dull pain is still there and in my mind every time i squat heavy i'm tearing that ligament/muscle a little more. The chiropractor says it's probably a sprained muscle/ligament problem.

2nd attempt and waited ~7min and did a 235 lbs and it was good. I think I paused in the middle for like 3s. but in the video it seems pretty smooth and quick. anyways.

I wanted to test out the PR before deloading/cutting. And I wanted to prepone (an amazing word) the cut to start from this Monday. Mostly because I really want this tail bone injury to completely heal and also take some time to resolve my pelvic floor problem so i don't pee everytime i deadlift.

plan for the deload cycle (this coming TUE-THUR) is: start with abs on all leg/push/pull days. and then lighter weight (maybe 60% instead of 90%) major lifts (same reps x sets), and then I'll keep the hypertrophy exercises the same, and then add 15min cardio on leg/pull day. so hard to get myself to do cardio lol.

after the deload of 2 cycles I'd still be cutting for another 1 cycle. haven't thought about what i should do for the workout while calories are restricted. Might start April's new workout (we make a new workout plan every month) but i'll be weak af.

plan for the cut (2 weeks, march 26-april 7): keep my calories to be ~1800. probably 50f/150c/200p. It won't be bad. This past week my goal was to hit 2350, but I'm barely hitting 2200 right now bc of bad weather and bad mood and anxiety and not caring about food. anyways. no biggie.

[mavd]

For real about this weather. I know we shouldn't complain given the snow and craziness everyone else is getting, but it's freaking COLD for here! I'm ready to wear my cute summer clothes again and put the damn sweaters away lol.

[jessswooo]

I dropped my calories to 1850 starting from yesterday (from 2250) and it's been pretty bad. I felt very tired this morning during deload leg workout. Didn't take preworkout either so it could be part of the reason. Weight this morning was 134.6, dropped ~4lbs (water weight maybe) from a day before. Today my bf suggested do 2050 cal instead and easy back into 1850 tomorrow and see if that's better.

anyways i just want to go back to sleep and my lower back is on fire and i have a cold sore again. if today doesn't go well i'm dropping out of this cut.

[jessswooo]

oh and did i brag about my new 1rm yet. 240squat/115bench/285sumo. I mean. I still follow like 100 powerlifter girls in my weight class who are stronger than me so, long long way to go.

[mavd]

I say do a day with your preworkout or extra caffeine before you give up on the cut. Something tells me that would make a bigger difference than a day or two of deficit. Congrats on the PR!

[jessswooo]

I say do a day with your preworkout or extra caffeine before you give up on the cut. Something tells me that would make a bigger difference than a day or two of deficit. Congrats on the PR!

That's what I thought too! And thanks. This morning felt alright, I woke up from a freaky dream but wasn't super hungry. I woke up tired and hungry on Tuesday bc my cals on Monday was only 1850 (like my brain battery died in sleep), and Tuesday my cals were 2050 so today I feel better (also started actively dreaming about weird **** again).

This morning my weight went back to 138lbs. I did deload push day work out at 60% weight, and me and bf both did some cardio. I feel very accomplished. 20min interval cardio! it wasn't very high intensity but i broke a very good sweat.

now there's lotsa free delicious bakery goodies laying on the counter outside of my office and i can't touch them. I hate the idea that I'm put on a restrictive diet. If the idea wasn't on my mind I wouldn't feel so restricted and hungry all the time even if i was eating the same calories. it's a mind game for me.

Tomorrow will be same 1850 cal and deload pull day workout. maybe i can do 10min cardio and some more abs after. and then Friday is rest day. I'm debating if i should resume regular training from Saturday, so only deloading for 3 training days. our original plan was to deload for 2 cycles (6 training days).
1) my tailbone injury is probably just a matter of scar tissue breaking up whenever i load weight my glutes and healing incorrectly again, and at this point i seriously DOUBT if giving it more time and rest would actually improve anything, assuming that it's already healed as a piece of internal scar tissue. I do use lacrosse ball to treat that area often as advised by my chiropractor. it's just been a month and i can still feel it.
2) I just feel like i have extra energy even on this caloric deficit so why not resume heavier training? maybe it'll promote more fat loss and tune my body for faster metabolism so that when i end the cut in like 6 days i won't be absorbing way too much fat again. idk. i'm just hating this deload. it's taken away a big part of joy in my daily life.

[jessswooo]

just a note - feeling quite (like 90%) sensitive to carb intake right now - body and brain feel incredibly satisfied and active and naturally happy after eating a full meal. before the meal it was more of an anxious, unsettled feeling post workout. right now the biggest concerns in life don't even bother me.

[Fiction2Fitness]

Congrats on the PR's! Feeling some envy. ;-)

[mavd]

Sometimes what you eat before bed can cause the weird dreams. Something about the way we break down certain sugars or something and brain activity. Idk.

Hope the cuts going well. I still can't bother to count calories so I'm just floating around 150 still lol.

[jessswooo]

Congrats on the PR's! Feeling some envy. ;-)

Heyyy haha thanks. TBH i felt a little envious at first when I saw your Meet maxes too!! And we're in the same weight class!! Lotsa motivations for us

[jessswooo]

Sometimes what you eat before bed can cause the weird dreams. Something about the way we break down certain sugars or something and brain activity. Idk.

Hope the cuts going well. I still can't bother to count calories so I'm just floating around 150 still lol.

Thanks! I realized on very busy days (such as today), starvation doesn't really bother me as much as when I'm not doing anything. And yes I totally agree with the food-dream thing. But the only pattern I've figured so far is that if I ate greasy food like fries or chips at night (back in college), I'd get crazy like super unrealistic but exciting dreams. Usually I'm a ninja doing parkour and fighting people. Wish i knew what food causes nightmares tho. But at the same time I've been eating almost the same food every night for the past year (just my meal prep food). Maybe it's also combined with the fact that i'm stressed.

[jessswooo]

This morning I digged into my belly fat and ALMOST saw the horizontal separation between the top and second row of abs. We did a deload pull day work out and did like 3 serious exercises for abs. I started feeling dizzy like minutes later so ended workout without cardio.

Tomorrow is rest day so just gna get enough sleep in the morning.

I decided not to deload on the next cycle and just resume the regular strength training and add in cardio sessions starting on Saturday. It makes more sense to me if I keep calorie expense the same (same workout intensity) and reduce my food intake, it'll promote fat loss, instead of decreasing workout and food at the same time. I only had to deload bc it was much needed for our injuries to have time to heal.

So we'll see how much i can lift on 1850cals. not super excited but way better than the boring deload

Not to mention ugh after leg workout this saturday we have to meet some friends at a brewery. Really not feeling like drinking anything these days but it'd be hard to skip delicious beers especially at a brewery, right? idk how to count calories that day.

[jessswooo]

wow i had a pretty scary dream that's reflective of my attachment issues. woke up crying and couldn't stop after waking up for like 10min. anyways.

my body might be slowly getting used to the lower calories. idk. stomach and belly fat felt thinner today (maybe i'll record another video of the physique today or tomorrow). weight was 137.4lbs this morning. still no abs (damnit)

I realized i entered this cut without being in a bulk for a longer time. Seriously. Since march i started tracking food and upped my ~1850 intake to ~2250 (which is supposed to my maintenance level) in 3 weeks, didn't even seriously bulk at a surplus, and then directly entered this cut. i wish i had bulked for longer. i really should have, for another month, probably. at least build more volume for the abs so i can see them when i do the cut. anyways. I guess intuitively i wanted to do this cut because i felt too much burden from eating a lot of food. now i miss it (lol)

i plan to continue the cut till next friday if that's practical. it all depends on how i feel when i resume regular training. if i feel super depleted and dying everyday then i'll drop out on wednesday. idk. im overthinking this.

next is to do maintenance for a week and enter another bulk until June. and then i'll cut for 2 weeks before going to my bf's best friend's engagement party.

[mavd]

Not to mention ugh after leg workout this saturday we have to meet some friends at a brewery. Really not feeling like drinking anything these days but it'd be hard to skip delicious beers especially at a brewery, right? idk how to count calories that day.

Beer is the best lifting fuel. I always feel sooooooooo strong the day after lol

[jessswooo]

Beer is the best lifting fuel. I always feel sooooooooo strong the day after lol

You must metabolize alcohol so well! haha. I had a beer on Saturday and then could not recover from leg workout that day. still sore right now. I feel like I don't process alcohol as fast as i used to.