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  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by YellowLabrador View Post
    If it makes any difference, future hubby has a similar background. It didn't matter to me so much once he explained it so I don't know exactly how you deliver your explanation but if I may offer some advice, explain it casually, and not look irritated. Hope everything works out for you!
    Agree

    Originally Posted by dixie_normus View Post
    I've had multiple relationships where theyve been 8+ months, but NEVER longer than a year and a half. What do you call that?

    It's like I find something out about them that just makes me hate them as a person, or they run back to their ex because I was just a long rebound.

    My ex for example (dated for just over a year) and we were out and she ran into an old group of friends, and all hell broke loose.
    Learned about her past and how guys would only talk to her to get some, how she would transport drugs from one city to another city, etc..
    RUINED it for me, if it wasnt for that night we would still be together..
    I'd call that a normal approach to dating and relationships, and that you are capable of seeing the opposite sex as people rather than objects
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  2. #32
    Message Board King rekonstructed's Avatar
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    I think the motive of my thread was misunderstood, what I was getting at is roughly at what age it seems weird to most for a guy to be chasing women and having a lot of different women in his life as opposed to being in an LTR.
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  3. #33
    Super Member rawdawgg's Avatar
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    I'd love to see what rabbit has to say about this:

    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    I don't agree with your blanket assumption that if a guy is FA there is automatically something wrong with him... like being obese.

    Obesity is NEVER a good thing, right? Everyone across the world is pretty much in universal agreement that being fat is a negative. It's unhealthy, it's unattractive, you die younger, etc... it's just not good, period.

    Being FA is more complicated cos sometimes what makes a man FA is not necessarily something that's WRONG with him, understand? For example, if a guy is 5'4, Asian and introverted, none of these are bad, unhealthy traits as such; it would be more accurate to say these qualities are simply unfashionable with the opposite sex.

    My struggles with women are tied to me being an introverted oddball, but I greatly like who I am, and don't see these qualities as something WRONG with me... so why should I change them? But on the flip side, I'm a guy, with needs, and I'd like girls in my life... so maybe I do need to change?
    It's not easy, and I find myself very conflicted about it, and it's hard to find the balance.



    Exactly... they're incapable because of reasons x, y, or z.



    I'm not sure what you're getting at here. I'm well aware we're talking about LTRs, but once again women don't lack for opportunity. Maybe a woman fails to successfully convert a series of guys into LTRs... but the opportunity was there. An FA can't convert what he doesn't have into an LTR, unless we're gonna count his left or right hand as LTR prospects.



    Nothing really... barring maybe a growing acceptance of myself and a bit of luck in concerns to being in the right place at the right time.

    And I was never concerned about my ability in the first place... like I said in the beginning, the FA conundrum is not as simple as you make it out to be. There will be plenty of FAs out there who's "emotional abilities" are just fine, hence why I called you out on your assumption that Fukboys, FAs and sluts all have the same issues.
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  4. #34
    Registered User US_Ranger's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by YellowLabrador View Post
    If it makes any difference, future hubby has a similar background. It didn't matter to me so much once he explained it so I don't know exactly how you deliver your explanation but if I may offer some advice, explain it casually, and not look irritated. Hope everything works out for you!
    I explain it like I always do. I tell them I was born overseas, moved my entire life, I'm a bit of a nomad and now I'm looking for something a little more concrete.

    But with 99% of dates of women my own age, these 3 things RUIN it for me regardless of how I explain it and at least 2 of these questions get asked within 5 minutes of the date starting:

    -How much $$$ do you make (more diplomatically of course like what sort of job/benefits/salary do you have)

    -What's your longest relationship?

    -How often do you talk to your family?


    ^-----Those ones get me every time, especially 1 and 2. They get asked instantly and I might as well walk out of the date afterwards. When younger women ask and I explain, they usually find it interesting and different. With women my age, it means I'm damaged and unstable. Funny how that works.
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  5. #35
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    Originally Posted by rawdawgg View Post
    I'd love to see what rabbit has to say about this
    OK it's early morning pre-coffee here but I will give it a go

    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    I don't agree with your blanket assumption that if a guy is FA there is automatically something wrong with him... like being obese.

    Obesity is NEVER a good thing, right? Everyone across the world is pretty much in universal agreement that being fat is a negative. It's unhealthy, it's unattractive, you die younger, etc... it's just not good, period.

    Being FA is more complicated cos sometimes what makes a man FA is not necessarily something that's WRONG with him, understand? For example, if a guy is 5'4, Asian and introverted, none of these are bad, unhealthy traits as such; it would be more accurate to say these qualities are simply unfashionable with the opposite sex.
    In the world you see many short Asian men who are married and family men ..all across Asia in fact...you're talking about a specific form of app dating which is not ubiquitous but feels as though it is. But not every social interaction has to be vaccuous or physically driven

    ..if you're looking for a LTR you maybe meet differently, through shared interests, through friends, by having some drive, or if it must be dating ups then those designed for relationships rather than smashes?

    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    My struggles with women are tied to me being an introverted oddball, but I greatly like who I am, and don't see these qualities as something WRONG with me... so why should I change them? But on the flip side, I'm a guy, with needs, and I'd like girls in my life... so maybe I do need to change?
    It's not easy, and I find myself very conflicted about it, and it's hard to find the balance.
    I don't see why you need to change that either. My LTR is an introvert and quite possibly an oddball but that doesn't make him unconfident. In fact he is probably more internally confident than I am, he just doesn't give a fukk about what others think of him unless he chooses you. Actually we balance each other out and I'm grateful he doesn't share my need to be a "people pleaser"


    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    I'm not sure what you're getting at here. I'm well aware we're talking about LTRs, but once again women don't lack for opportunity. Maybe a woman fails to successfully convert a series of guys into LTRs... but the opportunity was there. An FA can't convert what he doesn't have into an LTR, unless we're gonna count his left or right hand as LTR prospects.
    Don't deny an attractive woman has more opportunity just due to physicality, what about an unattractive one? You talk as though life is fair and equal. But unattractive-to-you people still form relationships.

    An "FA attitude" is something on here..at its heart it is self-fulfilling and destructive and the endless trolling confirmation hits those who take this for real hard. Social media has allowed groups to form who would never previously have met ...pre-Internet social attititudes would have been tempered by others in your social group / peer group / school now you just get attracted by familiar opinions which confirms your own bias


    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    Nothing really... barring maybe a growing acceptance of myself and a bit of luck in concerns to being in the right place at the right time.

    And I was never concerned about my ability in the first place... like I said in the beginning, the FA conundrum is not as simple as you make it out to be. There will be plenty of FAs out there who's "emotional abilities" are just fine, hence why I called you out on your assumption that Fukboys, FAs and sluts all have the same issues.
    If the issue is desiring something deeper and longstanding and being incapable of seeing how to achieve that goal then they do.

    This thread was about when should men transition to LTR / marriage mode. I don't think there's any should about it. But if it becomes something you want at your stage in life then you should make a plan and work out how to achieve it. Life doesn't get handed to you, neither as an extrovert nor introvert, you need to go get it.
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  6. #36
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by US_Ranger View Post
    I explain it like I always do. I tell them I was born overseas, moved my entire life, I'm a bit of a nomad and now I'm looking for something a little more concrete.

    But with 99% of dates of women my own age, these 3 things RUIN it for me regardless of how I explain it and at least 2 of these questions get asked within 5 minutes of the date starting:

    -How much $$$ do you make (more diplomatically of course like what sort of job/benefits/salary do you have)

    -What's your longest relationship?

    -How often do you talk to your family?


    ^-----Those ones get me every time, especially 1 and 2. They get asked instantly and I might as well walk out of the date afterwards. When younger women ask and I explain, they usually find it interesting and different. With women my age, it means I'm damaged and unstable. Funny how that works.
    What was your longest relationship if you mind me asking? No homo.
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  7. #37
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    Originally Posted by Konrai View Post
    ^ This, this concept that you need to actually 'get something out of your system' or do something because society accepts it is garbage. If you want to settle down and get married that's your choice, and if you want to smash randoms until your genitals disintegrate well again....That's your choice. But remember there is ALWAYS consequences to either path you choose.
    "the get it out of your system" makes it so you never wonder if the grass is greener on the "smash new randoms every other weekend" side compared to the LTR...
    Keep mod discussions out of your sig line

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  8. #38
    Registered User alltrapbrah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    In the world you see many short Asian men who are married and family men ..all across Asia in fact...you're talking about a specific form of app dating which is not ubiquitous but feels as though it is. But not every social interaction has to be vaccuous or physically driven

    ..if you're looking for a LTR you maybe meet differently, through shared interests, through friends, by having some drive, or if it must be dating ups then those designed for relationships rather than smashes?
    I think you've honed in on addressing my Asian example rather than addressing the essence of what I was saying... I actually meant being an Asian in the west, but fair-play cos I clearly didn't state that.

    But I agree, if you're a man with "unfashionable" traits, then you have to go about finding your particular niche and see if luck strikes.

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    I don't see why you need to change that either. My LTR is an introvert and quite possibly an oddball but that doesn't make him unconfident. In fact he is probably more internally confident than I am, he just doesn't give a fukk about what others think of him unless he chooses you. Actually we balance each other out and I'm grateful he doesn't share my need to be a "people pleaser".
    I'm akin to your boyfriend... I don't give a fukk what strangers think, cos that makes no rational sense. I care about what my friends and family think obviously.

    Not sure why you mentioned unconfident? Surely I didn't imply that, I clearly stated I "greatly like who I am"... and I legit do, but the downside is that who I am seems to be at odds with conventional society, and I experience struggles because of this.

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    Don't deny an attractive woman has more opportunity just due to physicality, what about an unattractive one? You talk as though life is fair and equal. But unattractive-to-you people still form relationships.
    This is a fair point...

    But... and I suspect I may take a lot of flak for this... where women are concerned, if they're unattractive, there is most likely something objectively WRONG with the girl, which is in contrast to some FA cases.

    I think most women would be decently attractive if they kept their weight and health in check... that's it.

    The way I see it - men can become FA for both OBJECTIVE and SUBJECTIVE reasons, which harks back to my previous post. A guy might be FA cos he's a fatty, which is fair-play, but he also might be FA cos he's a short Asian man living in the West, and there's nothing objectively wrong with this.

    I think women, by and large, become unattractive due to OBJECTIVE reasons. If you look at most cases I think you'll find they're probably fat, or don't look after their health, or have just lost all semblance of what's feminine (maybe they're career chasers).

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    An "FA attitude" is something on here..at its heart it is self-fulfilling and destructive and the endless trolling confirmation hits those who take this for real hard. Social media has allowed groups to form who would never previously have met ...pre-Internet social attititudes would have been tempered by others in your social group / peer group / school now you just get attracted by familiar opinions which confirms your own bias
    I agree.

    I don't wanna let FAs off too easily, and I will say a chit ton of them are a fukin' mess and do themselves no favours - there are often things properly WRONG with them.

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    Life doesn't get handed to you, neither as an extrovert nor introvert, you need to go get it.
    This applies doubly for men.

    Being introverted as a woman won't fuk you over too badly, unless you're ugly to boot.
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  9. #39
    Registered User US_Ranger's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    What was your longest relationship if you mind me asking? No homo.
    Maybe 6-7 months?

    The longest I've ever spent in one area in one block of time was 1.5 years.
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  10. #40
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    According to the Misc, men should stay single and be "Alpha" forever.

    I have seen some of these forever single guys on dating sites back years ago when I used them. They are in their 40s and 50s and they never leave OKCupid or match. The guy asks you to come over to his house, and she replies "you are 44, you should take me out on a date!" but he says he works too much, blah blah to do that.

    So he's perpetually a mansloot.
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  11. #41
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    24, 25, 26's reasonable.
    A better way to put it's when you're stable (finished off uni and in the midst of a successful career).
    FFS make sure to marry somebody who makes relatively the same as you, btw
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    Originally Posted by HockeyBacon18 View Post
    "the get it out of your system" makes it so you never wonder if the grass is greener on the "smash new randoms every other weekend" side compared to the LTR...
    I still think that is all bull****. Maybe for people with poor impulse control it might be something legitimate.

    Honestly I think it depends on the individual's preferences.
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    I am 25 years old.

    I have had sex with 14 different girls.

    Idk what my thoughts are. In my last relationship, I wanted a LTR with her. But realized that

    1. I am not ready for a relationship because there is some things that I want to do and also some things I need to work on.

    2. She wasnt relationship material at that time.

    Those 2 things made realize that I am not ready to settle down.

    I feel myself phasing out of the party lifestyle I used to have in college and after college.

    But right now I am focusing on myself and doing what I want to do.
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    when you have visited at least half of these places and feel like you are ready to settle down

    http://guysnightlife.com/10-best-tra...s-single-guys/
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    Dude at 25 wont be ready to get married to the first girl that puts out for him unless hes desperate.

    Dude at 25 who has smashed 20 girls in college might be.
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  16. #46
    Nah mean, jelly bean? FU3L's Avatar
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    When a female displays qualities showing she is worthy of both.
    The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
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    Originally Posted by Thelonebadwolf View Post
    Dude at 25 wont be ready to get married to the first girl that puts out for him unless hes desperate.

    Dude at 25 who has smashed 20 girls in college might be.
    Maybe. Maybe not. Just cause you smashed more girls does not mean you are more ready to get married.
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  18. #48
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by US_Ranger View Post
    Maybe 6-7 months?

    The longest I've ever spent in one area in one block of time was 1.5 years.
    Hey it's longer than I've been in a relationship LOLOLOL sad to say. And why would an older woman care how long you've been in a relationship?
    Last edited by BlackScorpio91; 04-15-2017 at 10:42 AM.
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    It's like saying when should an athlete retire.

    The answer is before you start to look pathetic.
    The billionaire and the beggar both have 24 hours in a day.

    That's why grandma's apple pie rocks and yours sucks.

    [QUOTE=Dave22reborn]At least it will thunderstorm tonight, and we know how they feel about water. :)[/QUOTE]

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    Originally Posted by FU3L View Post
    When a female displays qualities showing she is worthy of both.
    According to the Misc, females who display qualities of both only existed pre-2006 (when MySpace became popular) Today they are all Tinder sloots who have sex with 5 different Chads every weekend, while attending feminist protests like the Women's march and eat vegan food.

    So that means that Miscers can only marry 40+ year old women like me since we have not been brainwashed from social media

    Originally Posted by MBisonSon View Post
    It's like saying when should an athlete retire.

    The answer is before you start to look pathetic.
    You mean 40 year old Miscers hitting on 20 year old women in bars isn't pathetic? C'mon son, according to the Misc that is when men reach CHAD status and can get a 20 year old wife. There are threads about how women cannot get a single man after the age of 30, whereas men will have a harem after age 30.


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  21. #51
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    Originally Posted by US_Ranger View Post
    ^^^^

    This has screwed me over numerous times in my dating life with women my own age.

    They grow up, go to high school, go to college, get a job, live in the same place for 20+ years.

    I go to 10 different schools before getting to high school, move around in the military, move around the world out of the military, go to college, move around the world again, work overseas, come back and now I'm deemed non-relationship material from many women my age because I didn't live in the same town my whole life and haven't been in one place long enough to have a relationship over 8 months or so.

    It's been a real bane and I get INSTANTLY stereotyped on damn near every date I go on where the woman is near my age. It is what it is and I don't even bother defending my position anymore to women about it. I just say my part (because they always ask, one of the first questions after how much $$$ I make) and then I already know a 2nd date is not going to happen.

    Sub 25 year olds without massive baggage for the win.
    I'll never understand the mind of some women. They'll write guys off for random nonsense that doesnt even make sense. So many women have said "Otaku is a nerd" or "Hes into dorky stuff" and thats THE reason they claim they couldn't even entertain the idea of dating me. You move around for career / life reason and not to simply avoid commitment and they dip.


    This is all really stupid
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    Originally Posted by otakutrevan View Post
    I'll never understand the mind of some women. They'll write guys off for random nonsense that doesnt even make sense. So many women have said "Otaku is a nerd" or "Hes into dorky stuff" and thats THE reason they claim they couldn't even entertain the idea of dating me. You move around for career / life reason and not to simply avoid commitment and they dip.


    This is all really stupid
    It goes both ways. I know men who will reject us for random nonsense because our boobs are too small or because we like a man who shows us attention and likes to hold long conversations.

    Dating is difficult for men and women over the age of 25. It was totally easy in college and that's where you have to land a life partner. After college people just become super picky and end up as women complaining with 10 cats. The men end up like Leoslayer and have sex with 5 different women a week on Tinder and come down with an STD.
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    Originally Posted by deadliftbrah19 View Post
    It goes both ways. I know men who will reject us for random nonsense because our boobs are too small or because we like a man who shows us attention and likes to hold long conversations.

    Dating is difficult for men and women over the age of 25. It was totally easy in college and that's where you have to land a life partner. After college people just become super picky and end up as women complaining with 10 cats. The men end up like Leoslayer and have sex with 5 different women a week on Tinder and come down with an STD.
    Lol I can guarantee you that the majority of people at my college are not looking for a "life partner." You are making some very strong assumptions.

    I am not convinced that college is where I should be looking for a life partner.
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