I just don't know how to be motivated.
I desperately want to be a different person, but I just don't believe that I can change. I don't have any kind of faith in myself, I don't really care about my health, I just want people to look at me differently and treat me better.
I have a really difficult time not getting down about everything, and I am in ABYSMAL shape. I feel like any time I even start to exercise, I get embarrassed and angry, and then quit, which makes me feel like even more of a failure. Everything about exercising is uncomfortable, from the clothes, to being around people, worrying about how fat or pasty I look, to the actual act of exercising. I wind up getting winded easily, sometimes I get headaches, but rarely reach a point I feel "sore", which again, makes me feel like I've just wasted my time and left feeling worse about myself.
I know that it's nobody's job to make me feel motivated, to make me WANT to be in better shape... But the simple fact is, I just can't do it by myself.
I've always considered myself a hard worker when it comes to jobs, but when it comes to doing anything "for me", I just can't make myself care. And it's completely destroying me, and my friendships.
I used to be "the funny guy" that people likes being around, but I find myself getting so down, and so bitter that I don't have that "self-motivation" everyone else has, I've found myself becoming more and more grumpy, unable to even pretend that I'm happy for very long.
I dunno. I don't know what I'm looking for, I don't know what anybody is going to be able to say to magically make me WANT to be in better shape. I guess I'm just kind of desperate for something to "click", that I suddenly "get" what everybody else sees or feels.
03-18-2017, 11:41 AM #1
- Join Date: Jan 2013
- Location: Occoquan, Virginia, United States
- Age: 29
- Posts: 18
- Rep Power: 0
I feel like crap about myself, I feel even worse when I try to diet or exercise...
03-18-2017, 01:03 PM #2
Well, if you REALLY want to make a change and just don't have what it takes to do it on your own, you need to hire a good personal trainer and make sure UP FRONT that he knows that you NEED him to push you, to ride you, to call you and make your life hell if you don't show up, show up late, act like a little girl during a tough workout, etc.
03-18-2017, 06:39 PM #3
Well, I can understand the part where you said it may be difficult working out around people. You can always get in shape at home. I've always worked out at home or went to a nearby park to do pull-ups. Push-ups at home, even just adding one more repetition a day, would be better than doing nothing.
One motivation I rely on is to find a REALISTIC body that I can achieve naturally, not some far fetched physique that was partly unnatural ("supplemented"), to achieve. You need a goal, even a very simply one, so you have a good reason to exercise. If you simply look at his physique and you keep wanting to achieve a physique like that, you will have motivation to get a body like this person, who is also a healthier version of yourself. If it's a realistic goal then you may even look better than that individual. At that point, you will look back and wonder why you didn't switch over to a healthier/happier lifestyle before. Of course, don't think of looking EXACTLY like this person, as that is impossible. It's simply one form of motivation that many use to remain dedicated.
03-20-2017, 08:46 PM #4
Look at your hand. Lift it up and turn it over and look at the palm. You just made your muscles do a job. You control that. Training works on the same principle. Go to the gym, train on a legit program. Just go and do it on your training days. Taking simple actions can have a big carry over.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/e...nal-health.htmAny extreme is not the way. It’s not about resorting to extremes, it’s about finding middle ground. - Frank Zane
03-20-2017, 10:21 PM #5
- Join Date: Aug 2007
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- Age: 43
- Posts: 134
- Rep Power: 328
So, I know it's difficult for you to see it now, but think of the long term. The process is slow, but it's your challenge. Just you and the weight, or the bike, or any random equipment. You can be sure, noone around you cares about how unfit you might be, or how you look, how unsure you seem, everyone has their own issues to deal with, their own battles to win. Even though you are self conscience, rest assured it's only your perspective. I see new people in the gym everyday, some very large people, I don't think twice about them. I give them props because I know they have the courage and fortitude to step in the gym. If they work their asses off they will be successful, just like we all need to.
When you are in the gym just tell yourself, "this is the challenge for today". A heavier weight, another couple of minutes on the bike. Wear a mp3 player, zone into the task at hand, that's the challenge. Quite frankly, you should care as little about others around you as they do for you. You have your own reasons and objectives.
I remember a guy in University asked me to spot him as he benched a bar with 10 pounds on each side, I obliged. He was embarrassed and told me "I know I'm not strong" I told him, "we all do what we do, we are all here to be healthy", It's about progress. What he does in a month or two is far more important than what he does today, it's all part of the process. I didn't judge him, I didn't care if he lifted 10 poinds or 1000 pounds, that's HIS battle. As long as he is willing to work to succeed he will feel great about it.
You might need a trainer, or a workout buddy/spotter. You also have to be patient. You're young, don't try and build Rome in a day, if you work at it, you can be sure the results WILL come. Tell yourself you have a goal and aim for it. Make it reachable. Baby steps a first with an eye on a goal in one month, three months, six months, a year etc. It doesnt have to be too specific, it could be as simple as, "I will still be going to the gym consistently in a years time". THAT in itself is a huge accomplishment, even for people who enjoy going to the gym. The fun part is that it gets easier, like most problems and challenges, they start out big and shrink as time goes on. You will become more efficient and comfortable, as long as you take the steps to stick with it.
My motivation is simple, when I'm in the gym it's "me versus the world". The "world" is the weight I'm about to lift. The challenge I'm going to take on. I listen to my music, find my weight and go to town. I couldn't care less about what others are doing, how better in shape someone might be or what have you. It's a waste of my energy. I encourage you to think this way, and believe it. If you have the energy and commitment to step into a gym, you have the ability to succeed. Everyday you will see and feel improvement, even if you don't get DOMS or that burn.
Don't be discouraged, we have all had our challenges in life and at the gym some more taxing than others You have a great resource on this forum and people to bounce ideas off. It's an exceptional place to learn, for motivation, rookies or the most hardcore of us. Do your thing and share it with us. We all respect hearing someone stick with it and working hard to improve.
All the best.
Last edited by johnnyfry; 03-20-2017 at 10:27 PM. Reason: addition
03-21-2017, 10:43 AM #6
Agree with what most have said already. At 46, didn't like the way I looked or felt, and from the outside looked fine, however I was a real downer and battled some inner demons with little motivation
Never really worked out before and decided I wanted to be in the best shape of my life by the time I was 50.
I am at 49 now, and I am in the best shape of my life. But the first day I decided to go to the gym at 46 and each day after I have been in the best shape of my life. I couldn't bench 95lbs 5x at that point, now it's my starting warmup. I haven't reached some personal lifting goals of mine yet, but doesn't mean I am going to stop, taking longer than I planned, but I am enjoying the journey to get to them.
The other thing that really helped me was/is the 10 minute rule. Whether you feel like it or not, get to the gym, if after 10 minutes you don't feel it, go home. Believe it or not, only twice in 3 years did I leave and both times the next day I had a cold. Rested and went right back to it.
Set small goals, celebrate when you reach them, then set new goals. Once you get a little confidence, it continues to build more confidence.
Best of luck
03-21-2017, 11:49 AM #7
- Join Date: Aug 2007
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- Age: 43
- Posts: 134
- Rep Power: 328
Small steps. Small achievable goals (if one feels they need to set them), and as you stated, get to the gym and stay consistent and patient. As you said it makes a huge difference and it feels so much better when you think "I am sitting here on the couch, not really motivated or in the mood, but I KNOW if I go the benefits will be well worth it". After a workout in those conditions, even if sub-par, it feels like such a large victory, and in reality it is.
I am also like you, I feel I am in the best, or near best shape of my life. At 43, and after so many years away from the gym I am amazed at how much of a difference keeping my focus on my diet, rest and common sense in the gym has paid dividends, if only I knew then what I know now and actually applied it. My small steps have over time become major improvements. Your post has motivated me to set a goal also, to improve and try and be in my best shape at age 50. That would be one hell of an accomplishment, congrats to you as well.
To the OP, you know you can do it. We all did. We all had challenges and reasons to avoid the gym. Get your mind set, even if you have to just imagine going to the gym and imagine the muscles working at first until you finally say "time to live what I see". I guarantee you will see results if you tell you educate yourself and remember it's all about you and your long term health.
03-22-2017, 12:43 AM #8
Hey man, i been there. Getting angrier and angrier the more i trained. Just dont do it bro here is story:
What is anger? Anger is poison. A poison we all know well.
Things are not turning out the way you want it, now.
No, the road made a u-turn into hell.
But tomorrow you shall wake up, and even if: "This tommorow" is just one day in life.
If one fights with mind and soul, this one obtains the armor of a knight.
By God's power, this shall be: "The day that things turned out the way you expected earlier in life."
This shall be the day that everything will feel, be and is: "all-right."*
And once this day is over, and it transforms into the night.
Be not overwhelmed with pride, and act with haste the speed of light.
Indeed, that day, one must not forget.. Do not forget one deed.
And honestly reflect and write about the day good karma did succeed.
By then you stand awake and see, that desire didn't change.
For it was painful then to laugh while destroying boundries out of range.
Time, time, time is ticking, time ticks, it ticks, indeed.
Shed three types of tears and shed them physically.
A tear of blood, a tear of sweat and a tear of honesty.
And the one that laughs straight at these tears, shall bear the mark of the beast.
But the one that huffs and acts aggressively, know that one, he is the one,
That is his own worst enemy.
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