vadsie's journal v.2.0

[vadsie]

Hey well it's another scorcher out there and today I realized I can't keep losing weight on the junk food diet. I feel too hungry without satisfying foods, so more protein and fruits and veggies tomorrow and less processed carbs. Day 5 has been a success minus one blemish on my goals list, I'll be addressing this tomorrow. Good night!

[anandagirl]

Checking in! Way to keep at it Vadsie!

[-Lucifer]

Hey well it's another scorcher out there and today I realized I can't keep losing weight on the junk food diet. I feel too hungry without satisfying foods, so more protein and fruits and veggies tomorrow and less processed carbs. Day 5 has been a success minus one blemish on my goals list, I'll be addressing this tomorrow. Good night!

Keep at it, V. I'm here for support and motivation when you need it.

How much have you lost since the 15th of March?

[anandagirl]

Great job! Keep it up

[vadsie]

hi guys i had a rough couple days, one thing i cant stop is gambling! my voices love to force me to play. i didnt want to update cuz i was upset at the money lost cuz of it. its literally dangling a beer in front of an alcoholic 1 day after he decides he wants to quit. some can willpower themselves through it but i have a harder time. since march 15? i dunno im around 357 right now and im stuck at what to do. one part of me just wants to say eff it and eat less without counting calories and hope its an easy way to lose the fat but that'll prob lead to failure. if i count i feel its a chore that just makes me not want to lose. im torn. you have to factor in the mental illness i have, i was at the grocery store today and i felt too lazy to go in and buy some food that suits what im trying to do. one great thing (the greatest thing ive done since ive quit drinking) is the book im reading is doing for me what the promise of the book said it was going to do. feel free of cravings or desire for alcohol. im not done the book yet but i see what it means, so many great points in the book i look forward to living the rest of my life like this. i last drank on june 30th and im at the mindset of someone who never drank. so in closing my main plan is to eat a little less when i do have meals, im lost at what is best for someone in my situation. i know going back and forth not having a solid plan is what my voices are aiming for so nothing gets done. hmpff. ill try to lay off the junk food. tnx for checking in guys its nice to know ppl are in my corner. also its not so frickin hot out today! im not used to heat, im from manitoba, home of winterpeg !

[-Lucifer]

What illness are you referring to? Emotional eating?

[vadsie]

Schizophrenia, 😕

[-Lucifer]

Schizophrenia, 😕

Wow. I hope you stay strong.

[vadsie]

Tnx, the hard days are behind me, I just have to stay sober. Being sober helps my well being too, this illness has been one extreme to the next.

[vadsie]

Hello! Today was under 360, 359.something. I managed to get my sugar to be 6.9! Feels good mang. I avoided unnecessary sugar.

Food: bowl of cereal, 3 bananas, one hot dog 🌭, And about 10 perogies with some sour cream, 1 bologna sandwich.

Activity: went to the mountains and walked for a bit with my parents

Notes: I'm so happy about my sugar, I know I'll be good if I continue to have discipline. Well today was long, hopefully be around 357 by tomorrow morning. Good night!

[anandagirl]

Great job!!!

[-Lucifer]

Activity: went to the mountains and walked for a bit with my parents
Notes: I'm so happy about my sugar, I know I'll be good if I continue to have discipline. Well today was long, hopefully be around 357 by tomorrow morning. Good night!

Well done, V.

[vadsie]

Hey hey! <3 anandagirl and luci, this morning I am 356.8! Losing thnx to keeping sugar down in turn keeping calories down. I also rode the exercise bike for 8 minutes yesterday. Will try to go 12 today. Will try to lift if I feel like it too 🙃

[-Lucifer]

Hey hey! <3 anandagirl and luci, this morning I am 356.8! Losing thnx to keeping sugar down in turn keeping calories down. I also rode the exercise bike for 8 minutes yesterday. Will try to go 12 today. Will try to lift if I feel like it too 🙃

Excellent! Cutting out sugar and starch is what made the journey easier for me.

Keep at it, V. We're cheering for you.

[vadsie]

Tnx luci! I can't wait to be down to 300 cuz last time I was I didn't get tired throughout the day, but slow steps.

[vadsie]

Good golly miss molly! This morning I weigh 355.0. Didn't get too much sleep last night so back to bed!

[-Lucifer]

good golly miss molly! This morning i weigh 355.0. Didn't get too much sleep last night so back to bed!

yeah, budday!

[anandagirl]

Right on Vadsie!!!

[vadsie]

Tnx guys 🤗

[vadsie]

Update: didn't weigh myself for a couple days, both dealing with my illness and being in a deep deficit isn't a good time. Last time I weighed myself I was 354.8, will start counting tomorrow but have no idea how to go about it cuz I cud eat around 2500 for about 4 days and hit a wall or 2900 and not be sure about whether I'll lose or not. But if I lose 2 pounds after eating 2900 I'll keep it there until I don't lose 2 pounds. Well I solved my own problem, good nite

[vadsie]

Hey! Well the past few days have been crappy to say the least fitness wise, but life wise its been good. Today i weighed 360.2, i havent been able to find the motivation to count calories. i wake up and say eff it and eat the first thing i can get my hands on. im sorry if ive disappointed anyone. lately ive been reading self help books and the ones i found have been really helpful with my schizophrenia, not a cure all type of help but one that makes me look at things in a different way. i also realized altho i keep my mind on weightloss with SOME effort, i realize i dont really want what i say i want. i just want the end result. i dont want to put in the work to get the physique i desire. its not even really for a great looking physique, i just want to be healthy. to live a long life. tomorrow my mom is bbqing some hamburgers, i suggested it cuz i had some for my dads birthday and they rocked. no lie. i have no one to blame but myself. i just dont want it enough. ive been trying for such a long time with many disappointments and to be where i am today is quite the disappointment of all. i would like to be motivated, but i have to find that from within. if you made it this far i love you and thank you for sticking with my journal, i know not seeing the progress is frustrating but dont feel too bad for me as ive found ways to cope with my mental illness and i dont live a very crappy life, its just not quite what i expected it to be. ill get there, im maturing. good nite

[anandagirl]

It's not the end of the world - we all slip here and there. Its all about what you learn from it Most of that weight is probably water. Sometimes when I don't feel like tracking, I try to pay attention to how I feel when I eat, savor the food, stop as soon as I'm satisfied. My issue is with over eating, so stopping before I'm stuffed is a huge deal for me. Control what you can and keep moving forward, growing You're doing great!

[-Lucifer]

You didn't disappoint me, V. Keep at it and stay strong. Life is full of ups and downs. The important thing is to stay on track and keep moving forward.

[vadsie]

Man you guys are awesome. I made it this far eating around 3000 today and will try to keep it there, tnx luci and ananda y'all some inspirational people 😊

[vadsie]

hay durr, well today i woke up to 358.2 pounds. that im okay with. ill try to not weigh myself til next tuesday, hopefully to give me some motivation to get my diet better. today i ate 2 muffins, 6 cookies, half a box of kraft dinner (mac and cheese), and i cant remember anything else, i feel fine, a bit lazy after the activity i did today. i went to a walking track and did 3 rounds of the walking track, which took me 20 mins for all 3. and before that i lifted weights to wake my muscles up. been feeling good about it. but on a sadder note the reason i wanted to lift today was cause a very young professional bodybuilder died today. Dallas McCarver was way too young to die at 26. It sucks. before i joined the bodybuilding.com forums i joined musculardevelopment forums because i wanted to be at least a well defined gym rat. but schizophrenia had other plans for me. it even got to the point where i wanted to be a contest prep coach, but after all the let down i felt about my situation over and over it was a waste of time. now i eat like crap and lay around all day, hopefully today is the start of a long journey to getting the body ive always wanted for myself. anyway take care. Tomorrow I just plan to stay under 2900 calories, hehe wish me luck.

[-Lucifer]

Yo, V. How's it going? I thought I posted in here but forgot to do so. My apologies.

Are you married? If so, you could go for long walks with your kid. If not, do you have a gym buddy?

[vadsie]

Hi lucifer! Sry for not posting as much, I'm currently trying to keep my cals around 2500 as that might be of help, I get stronger than my voices daily and I think it would be easier. No I'm not married, I could walk with my mom tho at the walking track but she does a lot of walking at her job and is tired by the time she gets home so I should go on my own. Yea I'm still dependent on my parents but I'm getting better at dealing with the voices and general life stuff. Tnx for stopping by, the more you do the more motivated I feel! Work is starting soon, yay!

[anandagirl]

Keep it up Vadsie! We're still with ya

[vadsie]

Hi ananda! I know I blame my illness a lot but it truly is tough to lose cause of it, but things are slowly moving, in the right direction 😎

[-Lucifer]

I'm currently trying to keep my cals around 2500 as that might be of help

This sounds reasonable to me. If you go too low, you'll end up starving yourself and that'll affect you in other ways as well. Keep testing.

I get stronger than my voices daily and I think it would be easier.

Excellent! Keep up the fight.

Hi ananda! I know I blame my illness a lot but it truly is tough to lose cause of it, but things are slowly moving, in the right direction

It's a legitimate excuse, V. Blame your illness all you want.