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  1. #2551
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    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    I'm an awful person.
    I'm not a good one to give "disordered eating" advice. But CBRIT89, I hope you don't really believe that. Because you are struggling in some area does NOT make you an awful person. It makes you human...
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  2. #2552
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CommitmentRulz View Post
    I'm not a good one to give "disordered eating" advice. But CBRIT89, I hope you don't really believe that. Because you are struggling in some area does NOT make you an awful person. It makes you human...
    To err is human, but to lie to your wife about your eating for three years is wrong. Mental health is not an excuse to be a bad person.
    Beat cancer. Beating an eating disorder. Want to be 190lbs and 10% bodyfat by July 2020.
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  3. #2553
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    Yes, I do know much better. Sometimes I can't help it, but I honestly need to throw it out. The one thing I am scared about is getting fat again, and feel like people will judge me again, like I will just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. As I am writing this I am eating a big tub of ice cream lol and just had dinner an hour ago too. I am still responding to my body's needs but I always feel bad and guilty after eating so much food.

    I also just have that personality to overthink and worry about the future, I always tend to do this with everything. Which is a bad trait I really wish to fix.

    Thank you again Adam, just for always reassuring that everything will work itself out. I literally couldn't do this without the support you have offered me.

    Thats the thing as well. I know I'm only 57kg, but like I feel like that is heavy, when in reality its bloody tiny. But I still perceive myself as 'fat'. I honestly need to change my mindset badly
    Im always happy to help, but I do want you to keep in mind that the true test in recovery is to become 100% self-driven in supporting your efforts.

    There will come a time where you need to be able to push yourself on your own, make the hard calls on your own, and trust the outcomes no matter who is or isn't there.

    I can only do so much, even an in-person therapist cannot make the decisions for you; it has to be your choice, and your mind that steers the boat.

    "The one thing I am scared about is getting fat again, and feel like people will judge me again, like I will just feel uncomfortable in my own skin"

    And how do you know people judged you? How do you know what they actually felt about you?

    I think something you're missing here is the ability to trust your body. Your body has no other agenda other than to maximize your health. Do you think people without restrictive eating disorders feel intense hunger 24/7? They dont... they might get specific cravings, but when people just live, go about their days, etc, they aren't overwhelmed with food thoughts because they are both nutritionally balanced AND they are mentally unshackled by the rules you have established.

    I need to also stress that extreme hunger leaves when both nutritional AND mental rehabilitation happen; you can't just do one. You cannot JUST gain weight and expect the hunger signals to die down. It takes a commitment to banishing any negative thoughts in your head around food, weight, exercise, etc. If you mentally tell yourself "what im doing is bad.. this food is bad.. i'm going to be bad and fat because of this food", the cycle will continue needlessly.

    Give yourself permission to accept that food is there, you can have it if you want it, and if you do, it doesn't matter. At any time on any day, you have permission. It's not bad, good, etc, it's just food. There's nothing special about it. You NEED it, of course, but since you're not restricted from it, you need not fear nor covet it like you have been.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  4. #2554
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    To err is human, but to lie to your wife about your eating for three years is wrong. Mental health is not an excuse to be a bad person.
    This is needless self-hate.

    Let's say the tables were turned and your wife was struggling with a mental battle around food so strong that she couldn't control it.

    Would you think she's a bad person? I doubt it. When you love someone, you accept their flaws (within reason of course), and you listen to them when they are in pain.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  5. #2555
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
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    Thanks Adam.

    She's still in the "trying to understand" phase and isn't quite sure if she's doing and saying the right/wrong things and therefore paranoid about it, but she's been amazing.

    8 days binge feee today. I'm eating like a normal person, but it's so hard. Especially when I'm on holiday.
    Beat cancer. Beating an eating disorder. Want to be 190lbs and 10% bodyfat by July 2020.
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  6. #2556
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    Thanks Adam.

    She's still in the "trying to understand" phase and isn't quite sure if she's doing and saying the right/wrong things and therefore paranoid about it, but she's been amazing.

    8 days binge feee today. I'm eating like a normal person, but it's so hard. Especially when I'm on holiday.
    Binges happen only when there is restriction of some kind.

    Either literally or mentally, you're creating a restriction/rule-set in your life around foods you can/cannot or should/should not eat.

    The binges will stop when you feel free from control... but that can take a while and it takes different steps for different people.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  7. #2557
    Registered User Andrew578's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Im always happy to help, but I do want you to keep in mind that the true test in recovery is to become 100% self-driven in supporting your efforts.

    There will come a time where you need to be able to push yourself on your own, make the hard calls on your own, and trust the outcomes no matter who is or isn't there.

    I can only do so much, even an in-person therapist cannot make the decisions for you; it has to be your choice, and your mind that steers the boat.

    "The one thing I am scared about is getting fat again, and feel like people will judge me again, like I will just feel uncomfortable in my own skin"

    And how do you know people judged you? How do you know what they actually felt about you?

    I think something you're missing here is the ability to trust your body. Your body has no other agenda other than to maximize your health. Do you think people without restrictive eating disorders feel intense hunger 24/7? They dont... they might get specific cravings, but when people just live, go about their days, etc, they aren't overwhelmed with food thoughts because they are both nutritionally balanced AND they are mentally unshackled by the rules you have established.

    I need to also stress that extreme hunger leaves when both nutritional AND mental rehabilitation happen; you can't just do one. You cannot JUST gain weight and expect the hunger signals to die down. It takes a commitment to banishing any negative thoughts in your head around food, weight, exercise, etc. If you mentally tell yourself "what im doing is bad.. this food is bad.. i'm going to be bad and fat because of this food", the cycle will continue needlessly.

    Give yourself permission to accept that food is there, you can have it if you want it, and if you do, it doesn't matter. At any time on any day, you have permission. It's not bad, good, etc, it's just food. There's nothing special about it. You NEED it, of course, but since you're not restricted from it, you need not fear nor covet it like you have been.
    I used to get bullied a lot about being overweight (how I feel i got judged). But I fully understand where you are coming from. I need to support myself through this journey too, i need to stop relying on others because If it do i will be disappointed with the outcome.

    I realised that I am the only person that can help me... and i need to forget all the crap and bull**** people tell me etc. Thanks
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  8. #2558
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    I used to get bullied a lot about being overweight (how I feel i got judged). But I fully understand where you are coming from. I need to support myself through this journey too, i need to stop relying on others because If it do i will be disappointed with the outcome.

    I realised that I am the only person that can help me... and i need to forget all the crap and bull**** people tell me etc. Thanks
    The thing is, you got 'judged' by silly children... they don't really make good judgement calls or have credible opinions. But, I know what you're saying, and I come from a similar place myself.

    And just be aware, I'm not saying you shouldn't reach out for support, I'm just telling you that the true tests are those you put on yourself -- not when you ask for permission from other people.

    I'm always happy to help in any way, I'm more-so challenging you to try and do things 100% Without external validation, because if you can do that -- you're going to make so much more progress. It can be a gradual thing, but I'm just suggesting you try it as much as you can... it's the fastest path to getting better.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  9. #2559
    Registered User Andrew578's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    The thing is, you got 'judged' by silly children... they don't really make good judgement calls or have credible opinions. But, I know what you're saying, and I come from a similar place myself.

    And just be aware, I'm not saying you shouldn't reach out for support, I'm just telling you that the true tests are those you put on yourself -- not when you ask for permission from other people.

    I'm always happy to help in any way, I'm more-so challenging you to try and do things 100% Without external validation, because if you can do that -- you're going to make so much more progress. It can be a gradual thing, but I'm just suggesting you try it as much as you can... it's the fastest path to getting better.
    I understand where you are coming from. Thank you so much for the help you have provided me. Still eating ravenously and challenging that fukking ED voice in my head. When that voice says stop eating or don't eat that or put a little less cereal in the bowl. I challenge it and pour double the cereal or eat that food.

    I realised the only way am I going to beat this to eat and trust my body, and not those voices in my head. If i put on 10,15,20kg so be it as long as I feel healthy and happy and enjoying the gym that is all that matters.

    Thanks Adam!
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  10. #2560
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    heya guys, how you guys been doing? i have a doubt, what if i don’t have hunger? recently i haven’t had much hunger at all. i also started taking some carnitine or something like that by a doctor so idk if that actually supresses hunger. i have been having depression, stress and anxiety, but i’m possitive i will recover from my conditions and from the stuff i’m going thro now. i mention this because it’s possible that i have lost appetite because of this too. i sometimes feel like wanting to vomit :S

    good thing is, i went to olive garden yesterday! i haven’t went out to eat in months! i felt so happy!
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  11. #2561
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    heya guys, how you guys been doing? i have a doubt, what if i don’t have hunger? recently i haven’t had much hunger at all. i also started taking some carnitine or something like that by a doctor so idk if that actually supresses hunger. i have been having depression, stress and anxiety, but i’m possitive i will recover from my conditions and from the stuff i’m going thro now. i mention this because it’s possible that i have lost appetite because of this too. i sometimes feel like wanting to vomit :S

    good thing is, i went to olive garden yesterday! i haven’t went out to eat in months! i felt so happy!
    Well if you have no hunger but you know you need to eat more, then eat more. You likely have a good sense of whether or not you've had enough to continue healing... so if in doubt, eat anyway to make sure.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  12. #2562
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Well if you have no hunger but you know you need to eat more, then eat more. You likely have a good sense of whether or not you've had enough to continue healing... so if in doubt, eat anyway to make sure.
    thanks for replying!
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  13. #2563
    Registered User lmaoplanes's Avatar
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    Hey everyone,

    I've been reading through the past 3 threads and come to realize I suffer with an eating disorder. I've gone through some rough times over the past couple years and really lost a lot of muscle chronically dieting/yo-yo-ing.

    The things I realize I've lost: my sex drive, my personality, my friends.

    The things I realized I've gained: dark circles, scowl on my face

    Right now I know what I need to do and I just need to wait it out.

    I store all my fat in my butt and hamstrings and I am really self conscious of it. I am so lopsided right now, my upper body is shredded but my lower body is fat. Hope things will even out over time. I used to have thick muscular legs so hopefully they will come back.

    Honestly all I want to do is be at a healthy, productive weight, train like a beast because I love training, eat to perform, feel good, and live well. I really just want to eat normally, not over eat, nor under eat. I hope I can get to that point because I really do love training but I've perverted it over the years.

    <3 you bros, we're all going to make it.
    Last edited by lmaoplanes; 12-09-2019 at 09:14 PM.
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