Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[letsallmakeit]

Im afraid there's too many variables at play to explain this...

Life stress, hunger, cortisol, relationship issues.... anything can cause someone to feel mentally tired.

I see, you mention cortisol. I do have elevated cortisol in a lot of my labs, probably due to stress. thoughts in lifting less heavy or not at all while having high cortisol?

[AdamWW]

I see, you mention cortisol. I do have elevated cortisol in a lot of my labs, probably due to stress. thoughts in lifting less heavy or not at all while having high cortisol?

Buddy... you ask these questions ALOT...

If im being honest, it seems like you often ask for permission to do what you kind of know you should be doing.

If you're trying to recovery of obsessions around the gym, obviously don't lift.... I mean, I can't imagine a scenario where someone would advise someone to just beat themselves into the ground. You know what I mean?

I get it, you WANT someone else to make the hard choices for u, but you need to try and do this on your own.

Don't ask other people for permission to eat, or not work out... just do it if you feel like it's best for your health.

[letsallmakeit]

Buddy... you ask these questions ALOT...

If im being honest, it seems like you often ask for permission to do what you kind of know you should be doing.

If you're trying to recovery of obsessions around the gym, obviously don't lift.... I mean, I can't imagine a scenario where someone would advise someone to just beat themselves into the ground. You know what I mean?

I get it, you WANT someone else to make the hard choices for u, but you need to try and do this on your own.

Don't ask other people for permission to eat, or not work out... just do it if you feel like it's best for your health.

thanks a lot man! yeah I go to therapy and it's a struggle even with therapy. the problem is the fear of gaining bodyweight and fat if im not lifting, but I need to do something about this fear.

[Strawng]

Question, what are the reasons of feeling more mentally exhausted after weightlifting or doing training? I sometimes (like today) feel angry and stuff are bothering more than usual. why is this? I had around 8 hour sleep, but I did wake up 2 times to go to the bathroom at night.

Im afraid there's too many variables at play to explain this...

Life stress, hunger, cortisol, relationship issues.... anything can cause someone to feel mentally tired.

While I agree it "could" be anything, in his case it's almost definitely from lifting. I felt similarly drained and angry the whole rest of the day after lifting at times. It ruined my whole day. If you're pushing yourself too hard to lift after years of restricting or overexercising, your body responds by presumably just pumping out stress hormones.

@letsllmakeit I highly suggest taking a break from lifting in favor of lighter activity or unrelated hobbies. I did the same to great effect. My body let me know when I was ready to lift again because I was craving it, enjoyed my sessions again, and didn't feel like I got my ass kicked for the rest of the day.

[AdamWW]

My situation is slightly simple, I sometimes can't eat meat, chicken, pork, beef, yuk! Then I understand that if I don't want it, I shouldn't do it I replaced meat with tofu, eggs, and nuts. I feel better now

ok?

[letsallmakeit]

hello guys, question, when did you guys started feeling more awake and have more energy overall? is it like instantly after you start eating more?

does hormone like testosterone increase depending on your weight or depending on your diet? like what if im normal weight, but might not be eating enough food or going down and up in weight?

How did you guys started accepting your body fat in the mirror (watching less abs?)

how did you guys manage the thoughts of feeling bloated, messy and that "today I have to eat less because yesterday I ate more"?

thanks!

[DustinTheHuss]

hello guys, question, when did you guys started feeling more awake and have more energy overall? is it like instantly after you start eating more?

does hormone like testosterone increase depending on your weight or depending on your diet? like what if im normal weight, but might not be eating enough food or going down and up in weight?

How did you guys started accepting your body fat in the mirror (watching less abs?)

how did you guys manage the thoughts of feeling bloated, messy and that "today I have to eat less because yesterday I ate more"?

thanks!

Once I started eating in refeeding I would get SO tired! It would take months until I had energy again.

I'm female so I wouldn't know about testosterone.

It's tough to watch your body change and feel and actually be bloated. I have had therapy and wore looser clothes. I also stopped mirror checking to see my bloated stomach, etc.

I get really bloated from refeeding so that part is the worst as people will even think I'm pregnant. I've done it many times so it's not fun, but you have to go through it to be recoverED.

[AdamWW]

hello guys, question, when did you guys started feeling more awake and have more energy overall? is it like instantly after you start eating more?

does hormone like testosterone increase depending on your weight or depending on your diet? like what if im normal weight, but might not be eating enough food or going down and up in weight?

How did you guys started accepting your body fat in the mirror (watching less abs?)

how did you guys manage the thoughts of feeling bloated, messy and that "today I have to eat less because yesterday I ate more"?

thanks!

Since i've already address accepting fat gain and bloating many, many times, i'll answer the other two things you asked about.

I think you're simplifying things too much here... there's a network of reactions that happen in your body, and if you're worrying all the time about every little detail, you're just going to stress yourself out and remain in this depressed/hyper-aware state of mind.

The problem is that EATING alone isn't going to help your energy if you're still not sleeping well, still not having a social life, still being anxious and depressed etc... no amount of FOOD is going to change those things, you have to take other steps. Consuming proper food is first and foremost (during recovery) to just save your life... after that, you need to continue to eat properly AND address the mental issues that have built up. It can't just be about eating.

As for testosterone... again, JUST eating enough calories isn't going to fix it. It certainly will improve the levels if you were underfed before.. but SO MANY things can effect testosterone:

- Sleep
- Proper micro and macro-nutrition (especially getting enough carbs and fats, enough zinc, omega-3 fats, vitamin d....)
- Depression/anxiety
- The time of day you measure your blood levels of Test
- Weight training (lifting actually INCREASES test unless you do it too much)
- Doing too much cardio (this will HURT your test)


I almost struggle to say this because you DO still need to eat enough, but I think you're putting TOO much focus on just eating more as solving every single problem... it won't. You need to focus on the other variables as well.

[Strawng]

Since i've already address accepting fat gain and bloating many, many times, i'll answer the other two things you asked about.

I think you're simplifying things too much here... there's a network of reactions that happen in your body, and if you're worrying all the time about every little detail, you're just going to stress yourself out and remain in this depressed/hyper-aware state of mind.

The problem is that EATING alone isn't going to help your energy if you're still not sleeping well, still not having a social life, still being anxious and depressed etc... no amount of FOOD is going to change those things, you have to take other steps. Consuming proper food is first and foremost (during recovery) to just save your life... after that, you need to continue to eat properly AND address the mental issues that have built up. It can't just be about eating.

As for testosterone... again, JUST eating enough calories isn't going to fix it. It certainly will improve the levels if you were underfed before.. but SO MANY things can effect testosterone:

- Sleep
- Proper micro and macro-nutrition (especially getting enough carbs and fats, enough zinc, omega-3 fats, vitamin d....)
- Depression/anxiety
- The time of day you measure your blood levels of Test
- Weight training (lifting actually INCREASES test unless you do it too much)
- Doing too much cardio (this will HURT your test)


I almost struggle to say this because you DO still need to eat enough, but I think you're putting TOO much focus on just eating more as solving every single problem... it won't. You need to focus on the other variables as well.

Idk, man. While it's true that energy and testosterone aren't ONLY impacted by eating, I think for most with restrictive eating disorders, it's almost always the primary factor. NOTHING aside from castration lowers test like starvation AFAIK. I had less bioavailable testosterone than the average woman when I was sick. As for energy, sociolization and sleep were impossible in that bodily state. That's not even to mention that "depression" or "anxiety" are inevitable byproducts of starvation. Whether he's in a place where it is all down to these factors, I can't say. Still, it took me many months if not years to regain normal energy levels, hormones, etc.

[AdamWW]

Idk, man. While it's true that energy and testosterone aren't ONLY impacted by eating, I think for most with restrictive eating disorders, it's almost always the primary factor. NOTHING aside from castration lowers test like starvation AFAIK. I had less bioavailable testosterone than the average woman when I was sick. As for energy, sociolization and sleep were impossible in that bodily state. That's not even to mention that "depression" or "anxiety" are inevitable byproducts of starvation. Whether he's in a place where it is all down to these factors, I can't say. Still, it took me many months if not years to regain normal energy levels, hormones, etc.

Right, but I’m saying what I said because AFAIK he’s already gained a certain amount of weight and has been eating ‘more’… which for now is all he can do in terms of seeing scale numbers shift.

The other side of the coin is rewiring the value systems which could keep him in that state of mind, not liking is appearance, etc…

It’s definitely a combination of many things, but assuming he’s already eating correctly (which I could be wrong about), there are other factors that might be at play depending on where he’s at physically which, honestly, I can’t say with confidence.

How much any single variable is dropping his test is hard to say of course… and as was the case for me sometimes it’s just a waiting game.

[Strawng]

Right, but I’m saying what I said because AFAIK he’s already gained a certain amount of weight and has been eating ‘more’… which for now is all he can do in terms of seeing scale numbers shift.

The other side of the coin is rewiring the value systems which could keep him in that state of mind, not liking is appearance, etc…

It’s definitely a combination of many things, but assuming he’s already eating correctly (which I could be wrong about), there are other factors that might be at play depending on where he’s at physically which, honestly, I can’t say with confidence.

How much any single variable is dropping his test is hard to say of course… and as was the case for me sometimes it’s just a waiting game.

Ahhh I see what you're saying & I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't know about this specific poster's exercise or diet history, & I suppose no one can really know aside from him, but recovery cannot and will not happen with just weight regain alone. I had to do every fuking thing in my power to build a life and find a passion outside of my body. It took, and still does take at times, even more determined effort than the diet side of things. You could bulk to the point of obesity, but without putting in the hard work of confronting the underlying emotional & life issues that led to your disorder, you'll be primed for a relapse. At a minimum, the continual stress and obsessions will completely sap your energy levels. I don't think it would make a huge impact on test levels, but those can only recover with time and proper rest/weight regain.

[AdamWW]

Ahhh I see what you're saying & I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't know about this specific poster's exercise or diet history, & I suppose no one can really know aside from him, but recovery cannot and will not happen with just weight regain alone. I had to do every fuking thing in my power to build a life and find a passion outside of my body. It took, and still does take at times, even more determined effort than the diet side of things. You could bulk to the point of obesity, but without putting in the hard work of confronting the underlying emotional & life issues that led to your disorder, you'll be primed for a relapse. At a minimum, the continual stress and obsessions will completely sap your energy levels. I don't think it would make a huge impact on test levels, but those can only recover with time and proper rest/weight regain.

Totally.

I fully sympathize with his frustrations too... because in my own head I figured "well, i've gained like 25+ pounds, my BMI is no longer in 'danger of death' territory... so why do I still not feel good??"

Sometimes you just need to let your body marinate for a long time before things get back to normal.. I had essentially built up this massive debt of energy over time, and it takes a while for your body to 'pay off' that debt... things need to be rebuilt, and it's not an immediate thing for sure.

But while I waited for myself to start repairing more completely (I mean I KNOW i'm still dealing with it now, too), I had to also do the mental work to change my value systems into something that actually resembled a healthy adult human. That's tough because eating is really mechanical action even though it's mentally tough... the action itself is physical. But with your mental shift... man... it's even harder IMO... because that's what keeps you staying recovered and now falling back.

[letsallmakeit]

Once I started eating in refeeding I would get SO tired! It would take months until I had energy again.

I'm female so I wouldn't know about testosterone.

It's tough to watch your body change and feel and actually be bloated. I have had therapy and wore looser clothes. I also stopped mirror checking to see my bloated stomach, etc.

I get really bloated from refeeding so that part is the worst as people will even think I'm pregnant. I've done it many times so it's not fun, but you have to go through it to be recoverED.

so my problem is that I feel tired sometimes, but a lot of the times it's more mentally tired than anything. I guess it's more due to stress tho. Yeah another problem I have is checking weight and eating what I want without worrying!

[letsallmakeit]

Since i've already address accepting fat gain and bloating many, many times, i'll answer the other two things you asked about.

I think you're simplifying things too much here... there's a network of reactions that happen in your body, and if you're worrying all the time about every little detail, you're just going to stress yourself out and remain in this depressed/hyper-aware state of mind.

The problem is that EATING alone isn't going to help your energy if you're still not sleeping well, still not having a social life, still being anxious and depressed etc... no amount of FOOD is going to change those things, you have to take other steps. Consuming proper food is first and foremost (during recovery) to just save your life... after that, you need to continue to eat properly AND address the mental issues that have built up. It can't just be about eating.

As for testosterone... again, JUST eating enough calories isn't going to fix it. It certainly will improve the levels if you were underfed before.. but SO MANY things can effect testosterone:

- Sleep
- Proper micro and macro-nutrition (especially getting enough carbs and fats, enough zinc, omega-3 fats, vitamin d....)
- Depression/anxiety
- The time of day you measure your blood levels of Test
- Weight training (lifting actually INCREASES test unless you do it too much)
- Doing too much cardio (this will HURT your test)


I almost struggle to say this because you DO still need to eat enough, but I think you're putting TOO much focus on just eating more as solving every single problem... it won't. You need to focus on the other variables as well.

wow thanks so much for this. yeah it's true that I focus too much in details, especially if im fat, if im eating too much or too little, if im stressed, etc and well it's part of my obsession and ocd about things in life. I do need to hang out and socialize more for sure.

- sleep well I wake up 1-3 times to pee that could disturb
-macro I tried tracking calories today, but it just stress me up thinking I will eat a lot. so im cutting that
- depression and anxiety, totally anxiety
-weight training can actually elevate cortisol which can stress the body more and could harm production tho?

[letsallmakeit]

Idk, man. While it's true that energy and testosterone aren't ONLY impacted by eating, I think for most with restrictive eating disorders, it's almost always the primary factor. NOTHING aside from castration lowers test like starvation AFAIK. I had less bioavailable testosterone than the average woman when I was sick. As for energy, sociolization and sleep were impossible in that bodily state. That's not even to mention that "depression" or "anxiety" are inevitable byproducts of starvation. Whether he's in a place where it is all down to these factors, I can't say. Still, it took me many months if not years to regain normal energy levels, hormones, etc.

dang, did you had ocd as well? where you feeling mentally tired especially? it's hard to get better, but i got this.

[letsallmakeit]

Right, but I’m saying what I said because AFAIK he’s already gained a certain amount of weight and has been eating ‘more’… which for now is all he can do in terms of seeing scale numbers shift.

The other side of the coin is rewiring the value systems which could keep him in that state of mind, not liking is appearance, etc…

It’s definitely a combination of many things, but assuming he’s already eating correctly (which I could be wrong about), there are other factors that might be at play depending on where he’s at physically which, honestly, I can’t say with confidence.

How much any single variable is dropping his test is hard to say of course… and as was the case for me sometimes it’s just a waiting game.

I do eat healthy, now do I eat enough or do I feel like I want to eat more other stuff? yeah Im scared of weight gain and looking at the mirror wathcing me all bloated or looking more fat. I'm 155 at 6'2'' I dont know if that's underweight, but I have been eating up and down for a long time yoyoing. I'm more into therapy for ocd tho which is causing me a lot of overthinking

[letsallmakeit]

Ahhh I see what you're saying & I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't know about this specific poster's exercise or diet history, & I suppose no one can really know aside from him, but recovery cannot and will not happen with just weight regain alone. I had to do every fuking thing in my power to build a life and find a passion outside of my body. It took, and still does take at times, even more determined effort than the diet side of things. You could bulk to the point of obesity, but without putting in the hard work of confronting the underlying emotional & life issues that led to your disorder, you'll be primed for a relapse. At a minimum, the continual stress and obsessions will completely sap your energy levels. I don't think it would make a huge impact on test levels, but those can only recover with time and proper rest/weight regain.

You mention something about power to build a life and find a passion outside of my body. what exactly do you mean by this? how did you distance yourself from your eating disorder? like how did you stopped caring?

[letsallmakeit]

Totally.

I fully sympathize with his frustrations too... because in my own head I figured "well, i've gained like 25+ pounds, my BMI is no longer in 'danger of death' territory... so why do I still not feel good??"

Sometimes you just need to let your body marinate for a long time before things get back to normal.. I had essentially built up this massive debt of energy over time, and it takes a while for your body to 'pay off' that debt... things need to be rebuilt, and it's not an immediate thing for sure.

But while I waited for myself to start repairing more completely (I mean I KNOW i'm still dealing with it now, too), I had to also do the mental work to change my value systems into something that actually resembled a healthy adult human. That's tough because eating is really mechanical action even though it's mentally tough... the action itself is physical. But with your mental shift... man... it's even harder IMO... because that's what keeps you staying recovered and now falling back.

What steps did you actually take to start recovery? did you went and covered something 1 by 1 one did you just cold turkey everything and ate what you wanted, stopped looking in the mirror and weight, etc?

[AdamWW]

What steps did you actually take to start recovery? did you went and covered something 1 by 1 one did you just cold turkey everything and ate what you wanted, stopped looking in the mirror and weight, etc?

Well, I started by eating more, not tracking my food, etc…

The main thing was just seeing that gaining weight didn’t really matter and that it actually I felt better, and feeling better was objectively more important than trying to be emaciated… and controlling everything about my body.

I started to feel more and more like being around people, did more things outside the house… eventually the idea of controlling my body just had no appeal.

When I’m busy with other things, my body just doesn’t really come to mind.

But I mean, I don’t look at myself critically anymore… I don’t do the whole ‘body checking’ stuff anymore.

[letsallmakeit]

Well, I started by eating more, not tracking my food, etc…

The main thing was just seeing that gaining weight didn’t really matter and that it actually I felt better, and feeling better was objectively more important than trying to be emaciated… and controlling everything about my body.

I started to feel more and more like being around people, did more things outside the house… eventually the idea of controlling my body just had no appeal.

When I’m busy with other things, my body just doesn’t really come to mind.

But I mean, I don’t look at myself critically anymore… I don’t do the whole ‘body checking’ stuff anymore.

That's awesome that you have progressed a lot and you know what I feel like eating tomorrow? pizza, did you enjoyed eating pizza and stuffed you liked?

[letsallmakeit]

Also did you ate what you wanted even if it was a no exercise day or w/e. like a pizza even on a sedentary day

[Strawng]

That's awesome that you have progressed a lot and you know what I feel like eating tomorrow? pizza, did you enjoyed eating pizza and stuffed you liked?

Yes. Eat whatever the fuk you want. It's the only way out of a restrictive ED AFAIK. Any "forbidden fruit" all just control you.

Also did you ate what you wanted even if it was a no exercise day or w/e. like a pizza even on a sedentary day

Yes, and this is CRUCIAL for recovery, especially given your weight & obsessive tendencies.

[AdamWW]

That's awesome that you have progressed a lot and you know what I feel like eating tomorrow? pizza, did you enjoyed eating pizza and stuffed you liked?

Well yeah.. I still do that now…

[AdamWW]

Also did you ate what you wanted even if it was a no exercise day or w/e. like a pizza even on a sedentary day

Buddy we’ve been over this before

[letsallmakeit]

thanks a lot guys for your responses. means a lot. So I started eating more variety and enjoyed a bit the variety, but I still don't crave variety much and feel like eating the same stuff a lot of the times.

question, when I look in the mirror I feel bloated and have urges to weight myself, I weight myself and see it going up and panic. I know you guys will say to not weight myself, but 1) it already happened 2) How will I see where I'm at 3) how to control the urges?

also how do you develop the feeling of liking your body even if you gain weight, look bloated, etc?

Also, I hear during ED people usually have more hunger right? I do have hunger, but sometimes I eat even when full which I don't enjoy much.

[AdamWW]

question, when I look in the mirror I feel bloated and have urges to weight myself, I weight myself and see it going up and panic. I know you guys will say to not weight myself, but 1) it already happened 2) How will I see where I'm at 3) how to control the urges?

I think you're looking for excuses to weigh yourself because you're addicted to it and you fear gaining 'too quickly'...

In reality, you know perfectly well if you're eating enough. You can feel your clothes fit differently, you can feel if you're improving your hormones, and you intuitively know what a good amount of food is....

Just like any other addiction, if you can't deal with having it around, get rid of it. You don't NEED a scale.

also how do you develop the feeling of liking your body even if you gain weight, look bloated, etc?

Well if I look bloated, I don't take my shirt off and body-check... that would be dumb.

Furthermore, it's not about 'liking' your body or always loving how it looks or feels.. it's being neutral about it's appearance and focusing on it's health. You don't need to be super lean or an athlete to be healthy, and certainly not if you're trying to fix an ED.

Stop trying to love how you LOOK and focus on being mentally and physically well.

Also, I hear during ED people usually have more hunger right? I do have hunger, but sometimes I eat even when full which I don't enjoy much.

Dude you already know the answer.... come on.

[letsallmakeit]

I think you're looking for excuses to weigh yourself because you're addicted to it and you fear gaining 'too quickly'...

In reality, you know perfectly well if you're eating enough. You can feel your clothes fit differently, you can feel if you're improving your hormones, and you intuitively know what a good amount of food is....

Just like any other addiction, if you can't deal with having it around, get rid of it. You don't NEED a scale.



Well if I look bloated, I don't take my shirt off and body-check... that would be dumb.

Furthermore, it's not about 'liking' your body or always loving how it looks or feels.. it's being neutral about it's appearance and focusing on it's health. You don't need to be super lean or an athlete to be healthy, and certainly not if you're trying to fix an ED.

Stop trying to love how you LOOK and focus on being mentally and physically well.



Dude you already know the answer.... come on.

thanks for this. Man I just have the urge to look at myself a lot of the times and touch my belly. Does this urges happened and still happens to you? Like I feel and see my stomach not how it was and makes me feel stressed and anxious.

[Nightflier101BL]

thanks for this. Man I just have the urge to look at myself a lot of the times and touch my belly. Does this urges happened and still happens to you? Like I feel and see my stomach not how it was and makes me feel stressed and anxious.

Look, take this from someone who is going through recovery right now. I'm still struggling with some of the same feelings and anxiety. I still need to weight myself due to working with a nutritionist and several other doctors. However, over time the urge to weigh myself is getting less and less as I get used to the food intake and weight changes. Trust me, it gets easier over time but it's not going to go away overnight. At least in my case.

I am 6'2 and was 132 lbs at my lowest weight and I'm now at 163 roughly. I feel physically different and clothes feel different but on the good side, I feel AMAZING now in regards to fatigue, coldness, hair falling out, nails breaking, etc. I have no more of these issues. I would take this ANY DAY over how I used to feel. You NEED to gain weight to a point your body wants to be at. I'm still working on myself and need to gain more still.

There are days I feel bloated, flabby, fat, blah blah blah but I'm able to sleep better now, have energy and stamina. Can go for walks, participate in sports, etc.

I don't give a crap what people think about my appearance. My wife thinks I look great now and not emaciated, that's all that matters to me from other's input.

You need to focus on your body's health and ignore vain, physical appearance issues. You'll get used to how you look and feel over time. Just listen to your body signals regarding hunger. If you're hungry, eat. If you're thinking about food, eat.

In actuality, even though I've gained 30 lbs, I don't look "fat." I'm just a bigger version of my old self. I've always had a stomach bulge, even when starving to death. I still have it now. It's just the way my body is. But now I can feel my muscles coming back, especially in my upper body and arms. Sometimes I mistake this for fat but it's really not.

Embrace the changes, ignore the scale and just keep eating. Your body will tell you what it wants and when to stop. Just listen to it. 100%

[AdamWW]

thanks for this. Man I just have the urge to look at myself a lot of the times and touch my belly. Does this urges happened and still happens to you? Like I feel and see my stomach not how it was and makes me feel stressed and anxious.

Nope... doesn't bother me at all.

[AdamWW]

I am 6'2 and was 132 lbs at my lowest weight and I'm now at 163 roughly.

In actuality, even though I've gained 30 lbs, I don't look "fat."

I don't think anyone can look fat at 163 being 6-2 bro... that's still pretty damn light... most people at 6-2 don't start looking 'fat' until they're over 200lb and lack muscle mass.