Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[TomStrubbe]

Yes that is correct I lost about 16 kg

[SLynn46]

Where to start...

I went about 2 straight years meticulously tracking calories and macros without skipping a beat and stuck to my numbers with obsession. It was great from a physical standpoint; I was shredded, performing well in the weight room and in various endurance events (road races, Triathlons, etc.). Eventually, I became sick of it from a mental standpoint. I decided that I was going to take a "short break" from it during the beginning of December and start again in January. However, I never started again and have been binge eating pretty hard ever since.

The binges aren't everyday...but 3 or 4 times a week. I'll go a couple days of tracking/eating right consistently and then I'll cave and binge for a couple days. This cycle keeps repeating itself and I've been unable to get right.

Part of me says to just let it go and get it out of my system and the other part of me wants to get back to tracking and eating right ASAP.

I've gained about 20lbs since I stopped tracking (my avi was my best physique). I'm not fat now by any means, my chest and shoulders have blown up, but my abs are almost completely gone. I know this can be a slippery slope and I'm trying to get out in front of this problem before it gets worse.

I guess I'm just looking for some suggestions, feedback, and personal anecdotes. Anything to help me get right again.

[TomStrubbe]

Does anyone know what I have to do I'm just so tired of everything my body keeps going and going, I just want to take rest, but I can't something in my head is telling me that i have to earn food and that I have to keep moving , my weight is stable now around 40 kg with a height of 1M 73

[AdamWW]

Does anyone know what I have to do I'm just so tired of everything my body keeps going and going, I just want to take rest, but I can't something in my head is telling me that i have to earn food and that I have to keep moving , my weight is stable now around 40 kg with a height of 1M 73

At your height/weight, i'd consider a hospital. Serious.

[eddietheeagle]

Does anyone know what I have to do I'm just so tired of everything my body keeps going and going, I just want to take rest, but I can't something in my head is telling me that i have to earn food and that I have to keep moving , my weight is stable now around 40 kg with a height of 1M 73

Seconded, you need some professional help, things will get better.

[vordulmega]

Hey guys, just looking for some opinions and input on a situation with my gf. Not sure whether I should be concerned or not.

She has "joked" a bit in the past about eating a lot then throwing up the food. She was never really skinny, so I didn't think anything of it. In fact we've been together for 1.5 years and since I met her I would say she has gained at least 10-15kg.

However, she acknowledges now that she is overweight. But will still overeat a lot, not in snacking or junk food, but at dinner for example she will usually eat quite a bit, maybe up to 1k calories.

I've noticed after this I'll hear her gagging in the shower. Recently she kissed me after a shower and her mouth tasted like vomit but I didn't say anything. This morning, I got in the shower and saw vomit splatter on the bottom of one of the walls. So I know she is basically gorging herself then forcefully vomiting in the shower.

I've usually associated bulimia with being skinny though. She is still overweight and hasn't lost any noticeable weight but is just eating heaps then vomiting it up. It's as if she thinks it's okay because she can just vomit it up after.

Is this considered bulimia also? (Being overweight, but overeating and vomiting to try to compensate). Should I talk to her about it?

[JJjim]

I have had an eating disorder. I am curretly 1.73 cm and 50kg, but by January I was 45kg. I started to go to the gym and increased my calorie intake to about 2100 calories. My workout consists of lifting weight, 8 workouts 4 sets of 10 to 12 reps for about 60 minutes and no cardio while I gain strenght, however I see muscles are growing. But I am confused about my calorie intake and how often should I change workout plans. Should I increase the calories? I only train in the morning, and the rest of the day I do nothing other than going to school. A lot of time sitting.

[Dudebro91]

Hey all, just dropping by for the first time in a little while.

Today i decided after years of counting every macronutrient and controlling my food intake religiously to just not weigh my food, and eat portion sizes based on how i used to before food took over my life. Somewhat liberating and anxiety provoking at the same time, I hope it allows me to gain weight rather than being so incredibly strict with my eating.

[AdamWW]

Hey all, just dropping by for the first time in a little while.

Today i decided after years of counting every macronutrient and controlling my food intake religiously to just not weigh my food, and eat portion sizes based on how i used to before food took over my life. Somewhat liberating and anxiety provoking at the same time, I hope it allows me to gain weight rather than being so incredibly strict with my eating.

Just be very honest with yourself when doing this and monitor your progress to ensure you're not backpedaling.

I tried doing things 100% intuitive for a while, and when I noticed the scale not moving (and in fact slowly moving down again), I decided to 'retrospectively' track for a day and realized that, due to my years of monitoring and tracking, I subconsciously was restricting and eating far less than I thought. So, now, I do a similar 'retro-track' approach as what I just mentioned:

I eat 100% intuitively throughout the day until such a point where I am 100% satisfied (which, for me means I am no longer thinking about food AT ALL). Then, once all my work, social stuff, etc is done for the day, I simply tally up a very conservative estimate of where my calories were at. If I'm below where I wanna be, i have to eat more.

This allows me to not think about food AT ALL throughout the day, allows me to just be free and hang with friends, etc, but it ALSO ensures I do not accidentally under eat because the only time I actually 'track' is for the 5min at like 9am where I'm remember where I landed. If it's low... then peanut butter and ice cream is my fix But for me it's been the difference between literally hours of food-focus throughout the day vs. 5min in the evening.

Eventually, once I am weight-restored, I won't even have to use those 5min.

[ShelbyAlmaria]

Eventually, once I am weight-restored, I won't even have to use those 5min.

I don't mean to be rude, but according to your bodyspace, you've gained less than 2lb in the last 5 months.
I think you need to reassess your approach before claiming it as successful.

[AdamWW]

I don't mean to be rude, but according to your bodyspace, you've gained less than 2lb in the last 5 months.
I think you need to reassess your approach before claiming it as successful.

Please keep relevant to the post in question.

[Dudebro91]

Just be very honest with yourself when doing this and monitor your progress to ensure you're not backpedaling.

I tried doing things 100% intuitive for a while, and when I noticed the scale not moving (and in fact slowly moving down again), I decided to 'retrospectively' track for a day and realized that, due to my years of monitoring and tracking, I subconsciously was restricting and eating far less than I thought. So, now, I do a similar 'retro-track' approach as what I just mentioned:

I eat 100% intuitively throughout the day until such a point where I am 100% satisfied (which, for me means I am no longer thinking about food AT ALL). Then, once all my work, social stuff, etc is done for the day, I simply tally up a very conservative estimate of where my calories were at. If I'm below where I wanna be, i have to eat more.

This allows me to not think about food AT ALL throughout the day, allows me to just be free and hang with friends, etc, but it ALSO ensures I do not accidentally under eat because the only time I actually 'track' is for the 5min at like 9am where I'm remember where I landed. If it's low... then peanut butter and ice cream is my fix But for me it's been the difference between literally hours of food-focus throughout the day vs. 5min in the evening.

Eventually, once I am weight-restored, I won't even have to use those 5min.

That’s actually a really nice approach to things. Carefully monitoring everything I eat isn’t working as I haven’t gained in months. I will report back in a weeks time and see if I’ve managed to make the scale go up, while hopefully my mood improving and not being so hyper focused on food throughout the day.

Thanks for the input!

[ThatOneStudent]

Is this considered bulimia also? (Being overweight, but overeating and vomiting to try to compensate). Should I talk to her about it?

A common misconception about binging & purging // bulimia is that it only affects people that are skinny. Anorexia is more common among skinny people while Bulimia is more commonly associated with people that are overweight (of course, there are always exceptions). For some reason, even though the overweight people are purging all the food, they don't tend to lose much weight too quickly.

I'm not sure exactly of the scientific reasons why (though I'm sure you could research it and find out) but your partner definitely does have bulimia, or at least a problem with making herself through up. Talk to her about it, let her know you're there as her rock and her support system, and try to get her to see some professional help.

[Grappa]

Does anyone know what I have to do I'm just so tired of everything my body keeps going and going, I just want to take rest, but I can't something in my head is telling me that i have to earn food and that I have to keep moving , my weight is stable now around 40 kg with a height of 1M 73

God DAMN. i had almost the same stats as u, i am 178 cm and was 43kg at my worst and i went to the hospital to get myself togather. Dude act before it is too late. You can think everything about yourself, but i can tell you u are now just skin and bones. I know i have been there. Please get help! You are in a bad place right now!!!

[Ericleavitt97]

After working out and monitoring food for 2 months every time I eat something bad I get super depressed.

[Lucasxpogba]

Hey guys, I am the same soccer guy that on a post back in March asked for help. Here I am, 2.5 months later. I did all you guys recommended: little to no cardio (the only thing I do now is 20 minutes of soccer; it is just juggling the ball, making passes, etc–just to keep my technique from deteriorating) and moderate strength exercise (4 days a week I do about 20 minutes of calisthenics).

I have estimated my calories as to know I am eating enough; right now, I am approaching 4k per day, and have been doing so for about 4 weeks. Some other suggestions I followed came from this website ht tp://your-eatopia.squarespace. com/library
I am about 6-7 kg heavier, which is ABSOLUTELY fine with me.

I just wanted to ask you guys: when will I be recovered? How does it feel? When will the symptoms subside? Really, what bothers me is the fact I have stalled my progress in calisthenics. When will my T and other hormones normalize so that I can actually start doing normal exercise and be able to recover and progress?

Obviously, "mileage will vary" from person to person. Really, what I want to know is: How did YOU know when you were recovered and could manage your previous "lifestyle" (i.e. normal amount of calisthenics and soccer, in my case)?

I should mention that:
1) I feel less cold, if any cold at all.
2) My hands have started to be less "yellow" and more rosy.
3) Boners. Boners much more often.
4) I have started sweating much more. In my calisthenics workouts, I usually sweated a bit. Now I am drenched in sweat, and have not changed anything of the workout. Another example: I live in a humid place (Cartagena, Colombia) where the yearly average is 81%. From God-knows-when, I did not remember sweat dripping from my arm pits. Now I can definitely feel the sweat.
5) Again, I'm weighting about 7 kg more. Back then I was weighting 65.5 kg (145lb), while I am now at 72.5 (160lb)
6) My digestion has somewhat normalized.

[AdamWW]

Hey guys, I am the same soccer guy that on a post back in March asked for help. Here I am, 2.5 months later. I did all you guys recommended: little to no cardio (the only thing I do now is 20 minutes of soccer; it is just juggling the ball, making passes, etc–just to keep my technique from deteriorating) and moderate strength exercise (4 days a week I do about 20 minutes of calisthenics).

I have estimated my calories as to know I am eating enough; right now, I am approaching 4k per day, and have been doing so for about 4 weeks. Some other suggestions I followed came from this website ht tp://your-eatopia.squarespace. com/library
I am about 6-7 kg heavier, which is ABSOLUTELY fine with me.

I just wanted to ask you guys: when will I be recovered? How does it feel? When will the symptoms subside? Really, what bothers me is the fact I have stalled my progress in calisthenics. When will my T and other hormones normalize so that I can actually start doing normal exercise and be able to recover and progress?

Obviously, "mileage will vary" from person to person. Really, what I want to know is: How did YOU know when you were recovered and could manage your previous "lifestyle" (i.e. normal amount of calisthenics and soccer, in my case)?

I should mention that:
1) I feel less cold, if any cold at all.
2) My hands have started to be less "yellow" and more rosy.
3) Boners. Boners much more often.
4) I have started sweating much more. In my calisthenics workouts, I usually sweated a bit. Now I am drenched in sweat, and have not changed anything of the workout. Another example: I live in a humid place (Cartagena, Colombia) where the yearly average is 81%. From God-knows-when, I did not remember sweat dripping from my arm pits. Now I can definitely feel the sweat.
5) Again, I'm weighting about 7 kg more. Back then I was weighting 65.5 kg (145lb), while I am now at 72.5 (160lb)
6) My digestion has somewhat normalized.

Nobody can tell you when you'll be be recovered, it looks different for everyone.

But, one consistent factor is that being 'recovered' typically will mean never actively considering relapsing into old habits. This is not to say that, in the course of your typical activities, you don't inadvertently slip into bad habits, etc, but in the case of restriction it likely means a person never actively considered restricting, and similarly a 'binger' would never actively consider binging, etc...

Mental recovery and physical recovery, also, are two different things.

I like the saying, "You'll 'know' when you're recovered when you don't have to ask the question".

[Lucasxpogba]

Got it. Thanks.

[randomboy7]

Hi guys. I'm Alex, 20 years old, 6'2 and around 130-131 lbs at the moment. At my lowest point I was around 120 pounds. Two years ago I was weighting 246 lbs (my highest weight). I start gaining weight again a couple a months ago. With my family and friends support I manage to understand that I need to gain weight. I'm changing the things slowly, I want to have a healthy relationship with food again and get rid of the old eating habits.. I'm giving my body what it's craving. I also started to lift again 3 weeks ago. I don't want to start counting again but I know that I will under eat if I don't do that again. Right now have no idea how much calories should I be eating, I usually eat until I'm satisfied and eat what I crave in moderation. I don't restrict certain foods anymore and I don't punish myself by exercising or eating less calories in that day. Sometimes I binge like every other person suffering from ED. I noticed that I'm bingeing when I don't eat enough, or I feel tired because of the lack of energy. My body is craving sugar and sweets (basically carbs) and sometimes fats like eggs cooked in butter and savory things like that. I'm a lucky guy, I have a great family and a lot of good friends. They're supporting me and that is very helpful for my mental health. Some days I still have that thoughts in my mind that are telling me to eat less because I sit on my butt all day long, but I try to beat those thoughts. I hope one day I will be recovered. As I said, I make smaller changes every day but I accept that from my point of view. Well, that's my story in a short paragraph. Excuse my if I misspelled something, English is not my first language. Cheers.

[boo99]

@randomboy7

Welcome and thank you for sharing

Wishing you all the best!

[AdamWW]

Hi guys. I'm Alex, 20 years old, 6'2 and around 130-131 lbs at the moment. At my lowest point I was around 120 pounds. Two years ago I was weighting 246 lbs (my highest weight). I start gaining weight again a couple a months ago. With my family and friends support I manage to understand that I need to gain weight. I'm changing the things slowly, I want to have a healthy relationship with food again and get rid of the old eating habits.. I'm giving my body what it's craving. I also started to lift again 3 weeks ago. I don't want to start counting again but I know that I will under eat if I don't do that again. Right now have no idea how much calories should I be eating, I usually eat until I'm satisfied and eat what I crave in moderation. I don't restrict certain foods anymore and I don't punish myself by exercising or eating less calories in that day. Sometimes I binge like every other person suffering from ED. I noticed that I'm bingeing when I don't eat enough, or I feel tired because of the lack of energy. My body is craving sugar and sweets (basically carbs) and sometimes fats like eggs cooked in butter and savory things like that. I'm a lucky guy, I have a great family and a lot of good friends. They're supporting me and that is very helpful for my mental health. Some days I still have that thoughts in my mind that are telling me to eat less because I sit on my butt all day long, but I try to beat those thoughts. I hope one day I will be recovered. As I said, I make smaller changes every day but I accept that from my point of view. Well, that's my story in a short paragraph. Excuse my if I misspelled something, English is not my first language. Cheers.

Good on ya mate.

Let food be your medicine right now. It'll save your life

[AdamWW]

A nice quote for those of us afraid of what others might think if they're not 'lean enough':

"I can pretty much guarantee you that no man or woman ever landed a potential partner/mate/or otherwise in a situation where they might be naked or even close to it, only to be turned away because they didn't have a 6-pack, or weren't below a certain bodyfat, etc. Best then to focus on the important things like having a personality, interests, and spirit capable to getting there in the first place"

[Conrad32]

Hi all,
I always had a messed up relationship with food ever since I was a young child. My weight started to increase at the age of 8, and by 13 I was obese. My blood works were horrific, and my doctor told me lose weight or else I would die young and that scared me extremely. Thus I researched a lot about healthy eating and exercise. Within 1 year I went from 95kg to 75 kg. But I became so obsessed with clean eating that I started binging on the ''forbidden'' food, hence I gained weight, and ended up at 100kg (220lbs). This is where the madness began. I was fasting, over exercising, abusing laxatives which all resulted in me developing depression and bulimia. I've spent my 1st year in college binging and purging almost every day and I've lost a lot of weight including muscle mass, my lowest was 58kg (128lbs). I didn't want to continue like this, I looked horrible, clothes didn't fit, I was constantly cold, and I had turned to shoplifting to sponsor my binge hauls.

But I decided to change, I had gone cold turkey and I'm currently 1 month into recovery (on my own). I'm currently 64.4kg (142lbs) (started at 61.8kg) @ 187cm (6ft 2in). I've been eating 2700-3000 calories, roughly 200g protein, 300g carbs, 53g fats, 50g fibre each day. Plus I'm working out at home with dumbbells to recover my strength and I think I'm making progress as I have had increased the weights for some exercises.

[MosToorani]

All,

Been a while since I posted here. I just wanted to get a general idea from those experienced here.

I've been constantly sore from my workouts. I do an upper/lower split.

The split is generally, W.O A, W.O B, off, repeat, then two days off.

Weight has been going up generally speaking. I don't weigh myself everyday or even weekly. Last time I weighed myself was a couple of weeks ago and I was at 68 KG (height is ~ 176 cm)

Calories (still tracking meticulously) is at 2,300 on W.O days and about 2,000 on Off days.

I still eat plenty of vegetables and fruits on a daily basis (still wake up hungry and I have to fill the stomach void with protein fluff every night).

So my question is.. Is the soreness due to lack of vitamins and minerals from the foods? or? Appreciate the feedback.

Cheers,

MT

[Fyrebright]

I'm not sure what I'm even asking of you guys I'm just at such a low point now and I can't relate to most eating disorder support. This group seems closer to how I feel.

I'll briefly chronicle my ED (Diagnosed with AN/Restricting type):

I began to try to lose weight at 14 despite being at a healthy BMI in the low 20's b/c I was convinced I was high body fat (Thanks super aggressive Phys ED teacher for showing us all those charts). I mainly just cut out high sugar foods and added lots of cardio. I didn't weigh myself I just body checked a lot. It was a long time before I counted calories and began to drop them as I upped the exercise. Then I really began to lose weight and by July 2017 I weighed in the low 120's (got down to 119 at one point) and tried to get help. I ended up being somewhat non-compliant by manipulating my meal plan and exercising off calories so I was put in IP/Residential. By January 2018 I was discharged to an IOP and left that in (I believe) March.

Things were going well-ish I struggled with spitting out my food in secret for a bit but I was caught and stopped. I complied with the meals but I gradually increased exercise. I mostly maintained weight, except for getting leaner without trying while pole-vaulting. In June everything went **** when I went on a 3-week trip to Ireland to visit family. Without pole vault, I ran over 30min every day and my mother started giving me less food than normal. I realized I was losing weight. I was becoming more conscientious and obsessed with food again. My depression grew much worse. I was relapsing.

After the trip I weighed ~135lb which was getting worrisome for my parents but I kept running more and more and avoiding as much food as I could. I eventually had a binge at one point when I felt so hungry. I exercised off the binge and continued to lose weight. Weeks later I was home alone for 3 days and without planning to I ended up restricting to under <500kcal/day while engaging in heavy exercise. When my parents got back they immediately weighed me and I was 124lb. The next day, realizing I would be forced to gain weight if I didn't do something, binged again (partially b/c of hunger and b/c I was going to have to gain weight anyway) which brought my weight back up to 128. Of course I felt ashamed after this and exercised it off and got back to 126lb. Two weeks later (last Friday) I lost control and ate a lot again. I felt almost justified b/c I was thinking that I might be experiencing reactive eating from the rapid weight loss but nevertheless I feel absolutely disgusted now.

I'm in this stupid spot with my ED where I am eating what my parents tell me to and exercising in secret (but not "enough"). I feel like I can't say I'm relapsed when I eat the food (although I meticulously log on MFP in the hopes of a deficit). I also feel great shame with the binges. It feels like I have the "extreme hunger" but I'm not sick enough for it and I don't know what to do.

I just kind of wanted to share b/c this is ripping me apart but I feel like I need to either fully get back to where I was before hospitalization or not treat this as a relapse at all.

[AdamWW]

I'm not sure what I'm even asking of you guys I'm just at such a low point now and I can't relate to most eating disorder support. This group seems closer to how I feel.

I'll briefly chronicle my ED (Diagnosed with AN/Restricting type):

I began to try to lose weight at 14 despite being at a healthy BMI in the low 20's b/c I was convinced I was high body fat (Thanks super aggressive Phys ED teacher for showing us all those charts). I mainly just cut out high sugar foods and added lots of cardio. I didn't weigh myself I just body checked a lot. It was a long time before I counted calories and began to drop them as I upped the exercise. Then I really began to lose weight and by July 2017 I weighed in the low 120's (got down to 119 at one point) and tried to get help. I ended up being somewhat non-compliant by manipulating my meal plan and exercising off calories so I was put in IP/Residential. By January 2018 I was discharged to an IOP and left that in (I believe) March.

Things were going well-ish I struggled with spitting out my food in secret for a bit but I was caught and stopped. I complied with the meals but I gradually increased exercise. I mostly maintained weight, except for getting leaner without trying while pole-vaulting. In June everything went **** when I went on a 3-week trip to Ireland to visit family. Without pole vault, I ran over 30min every day and my mother started giving me less food than normal. I realized I was losing weight. I was becoming more conscientious and obsessed with food again. My depression grew much worse. I was relapsing.

After the trip I weighed ~135lb which was getting worrisome for my parents but I kept running more and more and avoiding as much food as I could. I eventually had a binge at one point when I felt so hungry. I exercised off the binge and continued to lose weight. Weeks later I was home alone for 3 days and without planning to I ended up restricting to under <500kcal/day while engaging in heavy exercise. When my parents got back they immediately weighed me and I was 124lb. The next day, realizing I would be forced to gain weight if I didn't do something, binged again (partially b/c of hunger and b/c I was going to have to gain weight anyway) which brought my weight back up to 128. Of course I felt ashamed after this and exercised it off and got back to 126lb. Two weeks later (last Friday) I lost control and ate a lot again. I felt almost justified b/c I was thinking that I might be experiencing reactive eating from the rapid weight loss but nevertheless I feel absolutely disgusted now.

I'm in this stupid spot with my ED where I am eating what my parents tell me to and exercising in secret (but not "enough"). I feel like I can't say I'm relapsed when I eat the food (although I meticulously log on MFP in the hopes of a deficit). I also feel great shame with the binges. It feels like I have the "extreme hunger" but I'm not sick enough for it and I don't know what to do.

I just kind of wanted to share b/c this is ripping me apart but I feel like I need to either fully get back to where I was before hospitalization or not treat this as a relapse at all.

Thanks for sharing your story bud.

Out of curiosity, how old are you now and how tall are you? I'm trying to get a sense of your environment and physical urgency in terms of preventing serious, serious issues like fainting, etc.

Regardless, I'd also like to know about your social life: do you have/keep/spending time with friends? What do those friendships look like? Are you still in school?

Without delving too deeply into things, because you clearly have been in treatment before and now what it entails, I do recommend challenging yourself to be more social and spending more time away from isolated eating.... obviously this has been a long and hard road for you, but in many cases especially at a young age the ED voices pull us from real world interactions and, as a result, we lose our grip on the 'what really matters', thus reinforcing the idea that how we look, how much we weigh, etc, actually matters.

I also think reading some books on mindfulness, doing meditations during which you ponder the deeper and non-physical/visual aspects of life and self-realization to be very beneficial.

Too often we get tricked into thinking how we look has any bearing on our worth, etc.

Finally, outside of controlling your image/food... what do you LIKE to do? Do you have hobbies? If not, I urge you to get some! Especially look for hobbies with ZERO connection to food or exercise... that is critical. Things like language classes, building models, painting/drawing, reading, learning a programming language, playing an instrument, all that is GREAT.

Also, start thinking about the long term: relationships, romantic ones, friendships, etc.... try disconnecting as much as you can from the introspection on just you, and focus on the world AROUND you.

[Fyrebright]

Out of curiosity, how old are you now and how tall are you? I'm trying to get a sense of your environment and physical urgency in terms of preventing serious, serious issues like fainting, etc.

17 5'10"
I think I'm fine in terms of health. My GP is aware of the situation. I have hypotension, bradycardia, and overuse injuries but nothing too serious. I feel like I know when more serious stuff is coming.

Regardless, I'd also like to know about your social life: do you have/keep/spending time with friends? What do those friendships look like? Are you still in school?

Without delving too deeply into things, because you clearly have been in treatment before and now what it entails, I do recommend challenging yourself to be more social and spending more time away from isolated eating.... obviously this has been a long and hard road for you, but in many cases especially at a young age the ED voices pull us from real world interactions and, as a result, we lose our grip on the 'what really matters', thus reinforcing the idea that how we look, how much we weigh, etc, actually matters.

I also think reading some books on mindfulness, doing meditations during which you ponder the deeper and non-physical/visual aspects of life and self-realization to be very beneficial.

Too often we get tricked into thinking how we look has any bearing on our worth, etc.

Finally, outside of controlling your image/food... what do you LIKE to do? Do you have hobbies? If not, I urge you to get some! Especially look for hobbies with ZERO connection to food or exercise... that is critical. Things like language classes, building models, painting/drawing, reading, learning a programming language, playing an instrument, all that is GREAT.

Also, start thinking about the long term: relationships, romantic ones, friendships, etc.... try disconnecting as much as you can from the introspection on just you, and focus on the world AROUND you.

I do try to occupy myself, but it is often me forcing myself to play at least two ingame days of Stardew Valley. I'm having a lot of trouble enjoying most activities so I often just pace, fidget, or clean to increase my NEAT. I used to play video games and guitar. I'm also going to college in 12 days which was exciting until I hit this low. I hoped that the hours of classes would fill the void of boredom, but I worry I will not do well in them because of behaviors.

I'm really glad I reached out. Thank you for responding.

I have just found out I'm going to be put in an IOP for 8-12hrs/week while at college so I guess I have the support I need but I think I'll post on this thread as (from the pages of posts I've read so far) I can relate to you guys much more than most I meet online or in treatment.

[muruku]

Haven't checked in for a while. Hope everyone's been good?


This question appeared in a ******** group I frequent. I would like to share my answer to it and I hope someone find it useful.

Do you think that this "fitness lifestyle", bodybuilding, powerlifting (or whatever the heck else you're in this group for) has helped you to overcome your issues? Or do you think it perpetuates them?

I've got a range of EDs. And I first started exercising as a form of 'purging'.

After developing some serious medical conditions and recovering from them, I've since reconsidered my POV on exercise. And that is largely due to hanging out with the 'right' aspects of the fitness community.

I now look at exercise/training as a way to improve a 'skill' (e.g. squatting, running) and be more goal-oriented (e.g. hitting PRs) versus a means to create a deficit or 'punishment'.

In addition, helping people achieve their fitness/health goals in a way helps reinforce the 'correct' way of thinking. That health and fitness should improve your way of life and not turn living into a 'burden'.

To be honest, there are times I've relapsed, but overall I felt that being immersed in the fitness community has helped me to take a more rational approach to my health.

Whenever I catch myself regressing, I also ask myself 'does this bring me closer to my goals?', 'why do I believe I need to do X to achieve Y'. These pragmatic questions really helps me to overcome the persuasive voices of my ED.

What about you? How do you feel about the 'fitness lifestyle' and eating disorders? I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

[MosToorani]

Haven't checked in for a while. Hope everyone's been good?


This question appeared in a ******** group I frequent. I would like to share my answer to it and I hope someone find it useful.



I've got a range of EDs. And I first started exercising as a form of 'purging'.

After developing some serious medical conditions and recovering from them, I've since reconsidered my POV on exercise. And that is largely due to hanging out with the 'right' aspects of the fitness community.

I now look at exercise/training as a way to improve a 'skill' (e.g. squatting, running) and be more goal-oriented (e.g. hitting PRs) versus a means to create a deficit or 'punishment'.

In addition, helping people achieve their fitness/health goals in a way helps reinforce the 'correct' way of thinking. That health and fitness should improve your way of life and not turn living into a 'burden'.

To be honest, there are times I've relapsed, but overall I felt that being immersed in the fitness community has helped me to take a more rational approach to my health.

Whenever I catch myself regressing, I also ask myself 'does this bring me closer to my goals?', 'why do I believe I need to do X to achieve Y'. These pragmatic questions really helps me to overcome the persuasive voices of my ED.

What about you? How do you feel about the 'fitness lifestyle' and eating disorders? I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Thank you for sharing the question and your story.

I'd like to share my 'history' and story as well.

I started my 'fitness' journey when I was extremely overweight; obese in fact. Started losing weight by doing the 'Atkins' diet and hours of cardio. I then got into weightlifting and enjoyed it to be honest, but at the same time, used it to create a calorie deficit. Combined a lot of cardio and weightlifting in order to lose weight. Nevertheless, I was still enjoying the 'atkins' approach as I wasn't counting calories, just eating tons of meats and fats.

Then came the fitness community through social media. I got introduced to counting calories and meticulously started weighing my food etc. EDs started to develop at this point. I reached to the extend of even logging sugar-free chewing gum! Diet coke! etc

A couple of years down the road and exercise, as you pointed out, became a reason for me to eat. In other words, If I felt like I didn't exercise enough, then I would restrict. And to be honest, I'm still obsessed with exercising. Cardio on weekends + 4 days of lifting during the week. I'm ashamed to admit it openly, but it is what it is.

My current situation is .. I love... Absolutely love hitting PR's in the gym. But I hate .. Absolutely hate gaining weight. Why? Because I just don't like the way I look. Upper body is scrawny, while stomach area (love handles as well) + lower body is just .. fat.. in my POV.

So yes, prior to 'fitness lifestyle', I didn't have an ED... It developed as I got into that lifestyle.

I still haven't dealt with my ED. I still count calories but I'm not as an*l as I was. I don't log chewing gum! But I still log other foods like lettuce!

Unfortunately, in my country, it's extremely difficult to get help for EDs and I honestly don't know how to deal with it.

My main fear is gaining weight too fast which would lead to unnecessary fat gains rather than the so called "optimal" muscle to fat ratio while gaining weight.. again .. another issue that was caused by getting too deep into the 'fitness lifestyle'.

Another thing that isn't helping my case is my appetite .. I'm literally hungry all the time and I can eat massive amounts of foods.. Unfortunately though, my metabolism isn't on par with my appetite. I gain weight easily and hence have to restrict the amount of calories I eat.

So yeah .. That's my 2 cents and I would love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers,

MT

[muruku]

@MT

Hey, thanks for sharing.

I was obese as a child too, made to join the Trim and Fit club during my teenage years where I spent recess eating at the 'fat' table and doing laps.
I honestly felt that was what made me create the idea that I need to earn my right to eat.

TBH, I too fear getting fat. What has really helped is simply ditching the scale and going by the mirror and performance in the gym, as well as joining a community such as the lean habits ******** group.

Breaking my addiction to exercise is another tough one, what worked for me is to FORCE myself to break my routine. And prove to myself that despite not doing X, I still can look the way I want. I do not need to do X, Y or Z to accomplish my goals. In fact, getting insufficient rest might be hindering my progress in the gym.

As for eating massive amounts of food. What I found helpful was to first plate half a portion. FInish it, do a secondary activity (e.g. the dishes, a walk, chores) then reconsider if I'm still hungry. Is it a physical or mental hunger? I find taking water breaks during the meal also helpful to make me more mindful of what I'm eating, and how I'm eating.

All the best MT!
Hope this helps