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  1. #2851
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    Tbh, you got me thinking about the healthy weight. I actually don’t truly know.

    I’m also having trouble with something. I don’t like the gym. I joined back after a break and I just don’t like it anymore. I keep reading in the web that its good to go, but I don’t want to keep forcing myself.

    edit: I also have thoughts that if I want to eat more I got to workout.

    thoughts?
    My thoughts are that you should never FORCE yourself to workout. Workout when you want, for how long you want.

    It sounds like you're using the gym as a tool to justify eating, and not as a reason to feel good.

    Exercise is good for people who are healthy and don't use it as a coping or control mechanism.
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  2. #2852
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    My thoughts are that you should never FORCE yourself to workout. Workout when you want, for how long you want.

    It sounds like you're using the gym as a tool to justify eating, and not as a reason to feel good.

    Exercise is good for people who are healthy and don't use it as a coping or control mechanism.
    part of it yes. Thanks for replying my friend!
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  3. #2853
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    Like I want to look muscular, but I don’t want to go to the gym. sounds lazy, but it isn’t like it was before. I enjoyed it more before
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  4. #2854
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    Now I have a problem. So I over ate a lot yesterday and had the urge to go and weight myself and weighted 160.5 (6’) now my mind is overthinking a lot of not eating enough today. how did you stopped thinking like this?
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  5. #2855
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    Now I have a problem. So I over ate a lot yesterday and had the urge to go and weight myself and weighted 160.5 (6’) now my mind is overthinking a lot of not eating enough today. how did you stopped thinking like this?
    By not weighing myself...
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  6. #2856
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    By not weighing myself...
    Adam I got a problem that idk if you had this. I looked down to check if I have belly and now im constantly looking down. do you just say no and stop?
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  7. #2857
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    Adam I got a problem that idk if you had this. I looked down to check if I have belly and now im constantly looking down. do you just say no and stop?
    That's called body-checking.

    I did intentionally stop that for a while, but now, I just don't care if it's there

    I've gained a good amount of fat and water, and in time, i've simply learned it makes no difference.

    If it's bothering you, then yes, avoiding grabbing/looking at/poking your stomach can be helpful until you're in a better mental place.

    Eventually though, you have to learn to accept how you look.

    It takes time, but honestly I don't care at all anymore... you'll get there.
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  8. #2858
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    That's called body-checking.

    I did intentionally stop that for a while, but now, I just don't care if it's there

    I've gained a good amount of fat and water, and in time, i've simply learned it makes no difference.

    If it's bothering you, then yes, avoiding grabbing/looking at/poking your stomach can be helpful until you're in a better mental place.

    Eventually though, you have to learn to accept how you look.

    It takes time, but honestly I don't care at all anymore... you'll get there.
    thanks for replying!

    also, thoughts in wanting to workout to eat more? even at a healthy weight I still have the mentality of wanting to workout to eat more. should I stop working out and eat what I want?

    also, tbh I don’t enjoy the gym like I used too. I feel like forcing myself now.
    Last edited by stevowrock; 05-24-2021 at 10:25 PM.
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    also, when gaining weight and managing an eating disorder, do you guys eat what you want even when feeling full or have eaten a lot already? I think im normal weight for my height (157 at 6’), but I decided today to go to the gym and see if I can do a bit of bulk. I have thoughts of controlling with I eat.

    thoughts?
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  10. #2860
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    thanks for replying!

    also, thoughts in wanting to workout to eat more? even at a healthy weight I still have the mentality of wanting to workout to eat more. should I stop working out and eat what I want?

    also, tbh I don’t enjoy the gym like I used too. I feel like forcing myself now.
    If you don't like going to the gym, don't go.

    Your desire to workout to justify eating is a result of wanting to compensate for eating. It's basically exercise bulimia... you are trying to find excuses/reasons to eat beyond just WANTING or needing to do so.

    You have permission to eat whatever you want, working out doesn't play a role.

    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    also, when gaining weight and managing an eating disorder, do you guys eat what you want even when feeling full or have eaten a lot already? I think im normal weight for my height (157 at 6’), but I decided today to go to the gym and see if I can do a bit of bulk. I have thoughts of controlling with I eat.

    thoughts?
    I think you know what the answer here is.

    It doesn't matter what you weigh, and 156 at 6-foot is still very light. Sure, it's 'normal' in BMI, but for someone who exercises it is still quite light.

    Also, I don't think you should be concerning yourself with bodyweight. You're trying to fix an obsessions with being lean/light, etc, and you're tempted to control food.

    The answer to all your questions is: if you want to eat FOR ANY REASON, it is your choice to eat. You don't need to ask for permission or workout to give yourself a reason to.
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  11. #2861
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    If you don't like going to the gym, don't go.

    Your desire to workout to justify eating is a result of wanting to compensate for eating. It's basically exercise bulimia... you are trying to find excuses/reasons to eat beyond just WANTING or needing to do so.

    You have permission to eat whatever you want, working out doesn't play a role.



    I think you know what the answer here is.

    It doesn't matter what you weigh, and 156 at 6-foot is still very light. Sure, it's 'normal' in BMI, but for someone who exercises it is still quite light.

    Also, I don't think you should be concerning yourself with bodyweight. You're trying to fix an obsessions with being lean/light, etc, and you're tempted to control food.

    The answer to all your questions is: if you want to eat FOR ANY REASON, it is your choice to eat. You don't need to ask for permission or workout to give yourself a reason to.
    Huge thanks for your reply. Indeed I have been seeing myself exercising to eat more. I will try to not think that way.
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  12. #2862
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    Is it a bad idea if I want to go to the gym because I want to look better and get stronger? I do want to be healthier, but going to the gym most of the time makes me feel more exhausted
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    Is it a bad idea if I want to go to the gym because I want to look better and get stronger? I do want to be healthier, but going to the gym most of the time makes me feel more exhausted
    You asked this a couple posts back and I already answered.

    Was this question different somehow?
    Last edited by AdamWW; 06-06-2021 at 05:33 PM.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    You asked this a couple posts back and I already answered.

    Was this question different somehow?
    sorry for that. I just over think too much. Do you also had the thoughts of “if I ate this much this morning” I should eat less later?
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    sorry for that. I just over think too much. Do you also had the thoughts of “if I ate this much this morning” I should eat less later?
    Yup… very common thought

    I just eat anyway.

    Food is delicious
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Yup… very common thought

    I just eat anyway.

    Food is delicious
    o for sure.

    How did you dealt with the thought of “i was sitting all day so I should eat less today?” I feel like I should eat whatever and this is a way to manage things.
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    o for sure.

    How did you dealt with the thought of “i was sitting all day so I should eat less today?” I feel like I should eat whatever and this is a way to manage things.
    It's not really a matter of 'dealing with it'.

    Most people who successfully recover from ED's do so via one of two routes:

    1. They face the fear of eating and weight gain early, head-on, by simply eating whatever they want, gaining some weight, and reprogramming themselves to stop the fear response.
    2. They delay facing the fear of eating, and continue to restrict for months/years/decades, and then eventually get so worn out by the misery of a life controlled by food restriction that they finally crack and start eating what they want.


    The only difference is that option 1 means you don't have to waste years THINKING about getting better.

    So, do you want to get better now? Or, do you want to waste years worrying about it?



    The answer is always the same: just eat
    Last edited by AdamWW; 06-12-2021 at 04:58 PM.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    It's not really a matter of 'dealing with it'.

    Most people who successfully recover from ED's do so via one of two routes:

    1. They face the fear of eating and weight gain early, head-on, by simply eating whatever they want, gaining some weight, and reprogramming themselves to stop the fear response.
    2. They delay facing the fear of eating, and continue to restrict for months/years/decades, and then eventually get so worn out by the misery of a life controlled by food restriction that they finally crack and start eating what they want.


    The only difference is that option 1 means you don't have to waste years THINKING about getting better.

    So, do you want to get better now? Or, do you want to waste years worrying about it?



    The answer is always the same: just eat
    You have a really good point here in terms of worn out by the misery of decades. I go on and off recovery, mostly because when I intuitively eat I become overweight (not by a large amount). Yet my labs are still healthy in terms of blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure.

    But then I end up relapsing and feeling miserable again, and go back to just eating. It's a vicious cycle and my therapist works with me on body acceptance. It's really hard, especially in terms of dating as some men can be very critical.
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    You have a really good point here in terms of worn out by the misery of decades. I go on and off recovery, mostly because when I intuitively eat I become overweight (not by a large amount). Yet my labs are still healthy in terms of blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure.

    But then I end up relapsing and feeling miserable again, and go back to just eating. It's a vicious cycle and my therapist works with me on body acceptance. It's really hard, especially in terms of dating as some men can be very critical.
    Yeah dating with a current ED or one from which you’re not fully recovered is very hard… it certainly held me back from feeling real connections with women for a long time.
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    so to add to what I said, I ate what I wanted even tho it was sedentary day, the thing is, today I had the urge to weight myself and weighted 1 pound more :S 159. I know I made the mistake of weighting myself, now I have anxiety and thoughts of eating less, but I will try to not let this get to me.

    edit: I shouldn’t have weighted myself, but until when do you guys recommend to start weighting myself? I would like to bulk, but gaining weight and seeing numbers going up stresses me out.
    Last edited by stevowrock; 06-13-2021 at 07:01 AM.
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    so to add to what I said, I ate what I wanted even tho it was sedentary day, the thing is, today I had the urge to weight myself and weighted 1 pound more :S 159. I know I made the mistake of weighting myself, now I have anxiety and thoughts of eating less, but I will try to not let this get to me.

    edit: I shouldn’t have weighted myself, but until when do you guys recommend to start weighting myself?
    Why would you ever want to weigh yourself?

    What is the need for it?
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Why would you ever want to weigh yourself?

    What is the need for it?
    it seems like something hard to manage. last time I weighted 158 something and this morning I saw myself in the mirror bloated and freaked out, then weighted myself and freaked out more. now my mind wants me to eat less today :/

    thoughts?

    should I eat what I desire even if i dont feel hungry?

    also nice profile picture
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    it seems like something hard to manage. last time I weighted 158 something and this morning I saw myself in the mirror bloated and freaked out, then weighted myself and freaked out more. now my mind wants me to eat less today :/

    thoughts?

    should I eat what I desire even if i dont feel hungry?

    also nice profile picture
    Buddy you’re asking the same questions over and over.

    You know what needs to be done.

    It’s up to you to do it.

    Stop weighing yourself, throw out the scale if you need to. Stop over analyzing your body every day.

    Eat however much you want and feel like.
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    hey guys, first time using this site but I heard that I could get some help (i hope im replying in the right place lol)

    Long story short, I'm an underweight 17 year old with OCD and GAD who has struggled with an eating disorder for about 7 months now. When I was 13, I dropped from 126 to about 99 pounds at around 5'7 due to anorexia nervosa. For 3 and a half years after that, my weight fluctuated from 99-106 due to an EXTREMELY sedentary lifestyle and bad diet filled with processed ****. I ended up at 104 pounds, 5'9, and incredibly skinny fat which led to incredibly low self esteem and you know the drill. My blood work was normal, for some reason, which makes me believe that my body is just abnormally thin?

    Anyway, I jumped from 104-126 after moving to a new country over the span of 5 months from constant overeating. Imagine being 5'9, 126 pounds (which is the very low point of normal) and being at around 23% body fat. It was terrible. I started extended fasting, which led to major food focus and eventually bulimia. A couple months of restricting, binging, and purging led me to being 110-115 (and getting normal results on blood work but low testosterone), tack on some excessive exercise and strict OCD eating rules and I hit 103 again.

    My life started to become dictated by these eating rules. No more than 500 calories a meal. stay at 1600 calories every day. You have to either sprint or weight train. No sitting down because standing burns more calories. No standing still because fidgeting burns more calories. This sort of behavior led to me going to a multitude of eating disorder therapy groups.

    They helped quite a lot actually, and I've been eating at 2500-3000 every day for the past month. However, I can't help but feel so guilty eating this much. How does a 5'9 105 pound body possibly need that many calories a day? To weight restore? I've never been at a normal healthy weight so there's nothing to "restore" It seems my body is comfortable being at around 105 and I don't know what to do. Even at 3000 calories of whole foods, I'm still so hungry though. I'm pretty sure its just mental hunger. I work out at the gym 5 times a week, an hour 45 min a day, but every time i come home to rest, it doesn't feel right eating an 800 calorie lunch. So far, I've gained 2 pounds and my midsection already looks and feels flabbier. Is 2500-3000 too much for someone like me? Am i cursed with the worst genetics imaginable?
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    Originally Posted by fonkle View Post
    hey guys, first time using this site but I heard that I could get some help (i hope im replying in the right place lol)

    Long story short, I'm an underweight 17 year old with OCD and GAD who has struggled with an eating disorder for about 7 months now. When I was 13, I dropped from 126 to about 99 pounds at around 5'7 due to anorexia nervosa. For 3 and a half years after that, my weight fluctuated from 99-106 due to an EXTREMELY sedentary lifestyle and bad diet filled with processed ****. I ended up at 104 pounds, 5'9, and incredibly skinny fat which led to incredibly low self esteem and you know the drill. My blood work was normal, for some reason, which makes me believe that my body is just abnormally thin?

    Anyway, I jumped from 104-126 after moving to a new country over the span of 5 months from constant overeating. Imagine being 5'9, 126 pounds (which is the very low point of normal) and being at around 23% body fat. It was terrible. I started extended fasting, which led to major food focus and eventually bulimia. A couple months of restricting, binging, and purging led me to being 110-115 (and getting normal results on blood work but low testosterone), tack on some excessive exercise and strict OCD eating rules and I hit 103 again.

    My life started to become dictated by these eating rules. No more than 500 calories a meal. stay at 1600 calories every day. You have to either sprint or weight train. No sitting down because standing burns more calories. No standing still because fidgeting burns more calories. This sort of behavior led to me going to a multitude of eating disorder therapy groups.

    They helped quite a lot actually, and I've been eating at 2500-3000 every day for the past month. However, I can't help but feel so guilty eating this much. How does a 5'9 105 pound body possibly need that many calories a day? To weight restore? I've never been at a normal healthy weight so there's nothing to "restore" It seems my body is comfortable being at around 105 and I don't know what to do. Even at 3000 calories of whole foods, I'm still so hungry though. I'm pretty sure its just mental hunger. I work out at the gym 5 times a week, an hour 45 min a day, but every time i come home to rest, it doesn't feel right eating an 800 calorie lunch. So far, I've gained 2 pounds and my midsection already looks and feels flabbier. Is 2500-3000 too much for someone like me? Am i cursed with the worst genetics imaginable?
    Hey there,

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I want you to take a step back really quick and consider all the variables you described:


    - A known/self-admitted eating disorder and body-image image

    - A known issue with purging

    - A hyper-vigilance and hyper-awareness of calories

    - An obsession with movement and exercise + tracking and measuring as many aspects of your body as possible




    Now, consider the question you're asking: "should I be eating this much?"



    Of course you should. In fact, you should eat more.

    Why? Because you said yourself YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY.


    The bottom line here is that you are not 'NATURALLY' thin. If you were, you wouldn't have extreme hunger. You wouldn't be so food and body-image focused.


    You're fully aware you need to stop the exercising and stop the meticulous counting of food and just eat what you know you need to eat: MORE.


    2500-3000 calories isn't too much, because if it were, you'd be enjoying your life, you'd feel better, and you certainly wouldn't feel so hungry all the time.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Hey there,

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I want you to take a step back really quick and consider all the variables you described:


    - A known/self-admitted eating disorder and body-image image

    - A known issue with purging

    - A hyper-vigilance and hyper-awareness of calories

    - An obsession with movement and exercise + tracking and measuring as many aspects of your body as possible




    Now, consider the question you're asking: "should I be eating this much?"



    Of course you should. In fact, you should eat more.

    Why? Because you said yourself YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY.


    The bottom line here is that you are not 'NATURALLY' thin. If you were, you wouldn't have extreme hunger. You wouldn't be so food and body-image focused.


    You're fully aware you need to stop the exercising and stop the meticulous counting of food and just eat what you know you need to eat: MORE.


    2500-3000 calories isn't too much, because if it were, you'd be enjoying your life, you'd feel better, and you certainly wouldn't feel so hungry all the time.
    what's a little confusing to me is that i had extreme hunger even when at 23% body fat, so this extreme hunger I feel now doesn't feel like my body trying to rebuild itself, rather some form of leptin resistance or just my inner fat ass coming out. I know I'm not physically hungry most of the time but my mental hunger is insane man, I could eat bowls and bowls of ****ing plain oatmeal or dozens of microwaved potatoes even if my stomach is physically full haha. I'm always looking at the clock til the time for my next meal/snack.

    On my two rest days however, i eat around 2500 instead of 3000 since im mostly on a chair. I feel so damn guilty chowing down on like a 600 calorie meal then just sitting there, it feels like my fat cells are expanding like crazy. I understand that my neural pathways are just really screwed up, and I'm working with many people to get them fixed. After all, going from 1600 and petrified of eating a single calorie more to 3000 5 days a week changed my life for the better in so many ways. I just hate how my body naturally defaults to a skinny fat state the second I consume any excess in calories, I don't even remember being this flabby at 105 when I was at this weight a couple months ago.

    Sorry for ranting, I just have a lot of feelings about this stuff haha. I'm gonna bump up my calories on rest days and try and listen to my body, even if the messages it sends feels so ingenuine. Thanks so much for the response
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    Originally Posted by fonkle View Post
    what's a little confusing to me is that i had extreme hunger even when at 23% body fat, so this extreme hunger I feel now doesn't feel like my body trying to rebuild itself, rather some form of leptin resistance or just my inner fat ass coming out. I know I'm not physically hungry most of the time but my mental hunger is insane man, I could eat bowls and bowls of ****ing plain oatmeal or dozens of microwaved potatoes even if my stomach is physically full haha. I'm always looking at the clock til the time for my next meal/snack.

    On my two rest days however, i eat around 2500 instead of 3000 since im mostly on a chair. I feel so damn guilty chowing down on like a 600 calorie meal then just sitting there, it feels like my fat cells are expanding like crazy. I understand that my neural pathways are just really screwed up, and I'm working with many people to get them fixed. After all, going from 1600 and petrified of eating a single calorie more to 3000 5 days a week changed my life for the better in so many ways. I just hate how my body naturally defaults to a skinny fat state the second I consume any excess in calories, I don't even remember being this flabby at 105 when I was at this weight a couple months ago.

    Sorry for ranting, I just have a lot of feelings about this stuff haha. I'm gonna bump up my calories on rest days and try and listen to my body, even if the messages it sends feels so ingenuine. Thanks so much for the response
    You’re massively over complicating this.

    Why are you counting calories at 17 years old at all?

    Why are you weighing yourself ?

    Why are you exercising obsessively ?


    These actions only fuel your disorder. You’re playing right into the games your ED is throwing at you.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Buddy you’re asking the same questions over and over.

    You know what needs to be done.

    It’s up to you to do it.

    Stop weighing yourself, throw out the scale if you need to. Stop over analyzing your body every day.

    Eat however much you want and feel like.
    true. thanks!
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    Guys, today I messed it up. I haven’t been weighting myself for some time now, but also haven’t progressed much in my main lifts. yesterday I ate too much and felt bloated. I really don’t like feeling full. yeah I enjoy the food and love to eat it but i get full and don’t like it.

    so what happened today is that I decided to weight myself because I wanted to see if one of the reasons why i haven’t progressed in lifts is because i havent been eating enought and I weighted more today. now im anxious and full and gotta eat breakfast and force myself because i have a long day ahead.

    how do you deal with this?

    later today should I eat intuitively? when i feel hungry and stop when full?
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    Guys, today I messed it up. I haven’t been weighting myself for some time now, but also haven’t progressed much in my main lifts. yesterday I ate too much and felt bloated. I really don’t like feeling full. yeah I enjoy the food and love to eat it but i get full and don’t like it.

    so what happened today is that I decided to weight myself because I wanted to see if one of the reasons why i haven’t progressed in lifts is because i havent been eating enought and I weighted more today. now im anxious and full and gotta eat breakfast and force myself because i have a long day ahead.

    how do you deal with this?

    later today should I eat intuitively? when i feel hungry and stop when full?
    You've already asked these questions and you've been given answers.

    You already know you shouldn't be weighing yourself.

    You already know you need to stop 'worrying' about food.

    You seem to just be doing the same thing over and over.

    The scale is obviously hurting you.... I don't know how many times to say it....




    Take the scale and smash it into 1000 pieces if you need to. Just stop it.
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