Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[DustinTheHuss]

People on the Misc. can be so brutal. I was hospitalized for anorexia, recoverED, then fell back into binge eating and bulimia until Dec. 31. Since then I've been bulimia-free and had one binge.

But on the Misc. and Miscord the guys will post images of me and call me fat. They don't even care that I have an eating disorder. One told me that I need to lose 40-50 lbs.

It got to me and I went from 1600-1800 calories a day to 800 calories a day. Then my therapist was like WTF are you doing? When did you give up your DBT skills for a bunch of strangers on the internet? It is really tough as I like the weight loss and I'm slowly increasing my calories up. I've gone up to 1300 when I play tennis.

You're right Adam about the body fat love handles. I have those now after having a 4 pack a few years ago, but it was nearly impossible to maintain that, and resulted in bulimia.

I'm 49 years old and I've been struggling with this since age 22. It's exhausting. I've had men I date critique my size, even though I'm well below the average American. My therapist said if the man critiques my weight, then he's not the right guy for me.

[AdamWW]

People on the Misc. can be so brutal. I was hospitalized for anorexia, recoverED, then fell back into binge eating and bulimia until Dec. 31. Since then I've been bulimia-free and had one binge.

But on the Misc. and Miscord the guys will post images of me and call me fat. They don't even care that I have an eating disorder. One told me that I need to lose 40-50 lbs.

It got to me and I went from 1600-1800 calories a day to 800 calories a day. Then my therapist was like WTF are you doing? When did you give up your DBT skills for a bunch of strangers on the internet? It is really tough as I like the weight loss and I'm slowly increasing my calories up. I've gone up to 1300 when I play tennis.

You're right Adam about the body fat love handles. I have those now after having a 4 pack a few years ago, but it was nearly impossible to maintain that, and resulted in bulimia.

I'm 49 years old and I've been struggling with this since age 22. It's exhausting. I've had men I date critique my size, even though I'm well below the average American. My therapist said if the man critiques my weight, then he's not the right guy for me.

Why would you subject yourself to the Misc?

That place is a breeding ground for the most idiotic people imaginable...

[Strawng]

My goal now is to prove to myself, my friends, co-workers, and family that I am not a scrawny person by growing my body mass (in a relatively healthy way) instead of trying to control my weight and body fat. As silly as it sounds, I literally picture what people will think when I gain 20-30 pounds, most of which is muscle, walking around looking more ripped and strong... We just need to shift our focus... I find it helpful in any case.

Idk about that, bro. I had a similar mentality when I first started to gain & it definitely helped me put weight on initially, but I don't like it long-term as a mindset because it still prioritizes body image. Nowadays, I just focus on my strength & performance in the gym/recovery/energy levels/ability to concentrate (ED brain fog is a huge problem for restrictive EDs)/libido/general nutrition/amount of hunger. Body focus should be on function, not form imo.

[AdamWW]

Idk about that, bro. I had a similar mentality when I first started to gain & it definitely helped me put weight on initially, but I don't like it long-term as a mindset because it still prioritizes body image. Nowadays, I just focus on my strength & performance in the gym/recovery/energy levels/ability to concentrate (ED brain fog is a huge problem for restrictive EDs)/libido/general nutrition/amount of hunger. Body focus should be on function, not form imo.

Came in to say basically all of this.

If you need a goal that relates to other people, focus on them being happy you’re not damaging your health… not how ‘jacked’ you’ll look on the outside.

You’re replacing one body appearance obsession with another

[stevowrock]

Being ill actually requires more energy as your body fights off the cause of infection. Listen to your body and eat well

thanks my friend.

[CBRIT89]

I'm 10 days clean of binge eating today. Most I have made it in the last 5 years was 119 days last summer. That was too quick, and I lost 16kg in 16 weeks, and I basically fell apart after that both physically and mentally.

I'm once again trying to lose weight again having put on 17kg of pure fat in the last year, but slowly. Feeling really confident about this, and obviously looking to balance things so I don't obsess or lose it too quickly.

[stevowrock]

I have been having the thoughts of walking around my house for eating too much while being sick for a while.

[DustinTheHuss]

Why would you subject yourself to the Misc?

That place is a breeding ground for the most idiotic people imaginable...

I know, and they are very negative and judgmental about weight.

[stevowrock]

If I associate food with working out. should we stop working out until I stop thinking of “need to workout to eat more” thought?

[AdamWW]

If I associate food with working out. should we stop working out until I stop thinking of “need to workout to eat more” thought?

You asked this in post #2925 and I answered in the next post.

The answer is still the same.

[stevowrock]

You asked this in post #2925 and I answered in the next post.

The answer is still the same.

true. thanks for replying and sorry.

[AdamWW]

true. thanks for replying and sorry.

No need to apologize dude… no harm done.

I’m just trying to make you see the trend in your thought process that’s all.

You’re getting hung up on the same themes over and over.

I think you need to try and trust your gut: deep down I think you know the answers before you ask the question.

[Nightflier101BL]

Alright, here it goes....my first post in these forums after being inspired by you folks on this thread.

I've finally come to the realization that I may have a developing eating disorder. I'm currently 39 years old, 6'2", 137 lbs. Over the past three years, I've gotten into the habit of eating one meal a day at roughly 800 calories. One day out of the week, I'll eat a good deal more, usually on Friday, around 5000 calories on average, which puts me around 10K calories per week. This all started due to some chronic stomach issues and health conditions that I have, which limits how much and what types of food I can eat. Friday is usually the day when I can eat what I want because I don't have obligations the next day.

It was working out well for me....for a while. Here's the issues that are now developing. I've become obsessed and terrified of gaining any weight at this point, for reasons I really don't even understand. I obsess over calorie tracking, down to every minor thing I put in my mouth - things like small cups of black coffee, hot sauce, black pepper, etc. I've avoided eating at restaurants and eating foods where I can't find accurate calorie information. I weigh myself multiple times a day. I don't eat junk - eggs, chicken, oats, yogurt, fruit. Every day of the week, I feel like I'm dying and starving to death. I've tried to stop looking at my tracker and sometimes I'm good for a day or two, but I soon as I feel bloated and icky, I'm right back to it, desperately trying to calculate what I need to do get back to my baseline. I've deleted the app 10 times but always re-download and install it without fail.

Here are some current problems now developing due to this (I'm assuming) - extreme insomnia, lack of concentration and motivation at work, brittle hair and nails, extreme lethargy, cold all the time, dry skin, depression and mood swings, and not to be too gross but I only go #2 once a week, sometimes even longer 8-9 days. This alone is telling me my body is using up everything I'm putting in it.

All this and I still can't seem to budge off this 10K calorie per week thing. I know I need more and I know I need to space the calories more evenly through the week. I've started to do some light cardio every couple of days in form of walking 3-4 miles. My wife is now concerned about why I'm exercising. It's really to give myself a mental boost and get my blood pumping so I don't feel like a lazy turd everyday. I wanted to get a bicycle and start riding but my wife won't let me do it - she thinks I'm too skinny and it's dangerous, might fall off and break bones or something.

I've been doing some research and I fear that I may have some metabolic damage. Is this a real scientifically proven thing? I'd like to start eating more and put down the calculators and stop tracking all my calories. 800 calories a day is just not cutting it and making me basically useless. My weight loss seems to have stopped and I hover around 135-140 pounds on average.

Can I recover from this and safely restore my metabolism back to normal levels, without gaining too much fat? Disclosure - I'm 100% not a gym or weights guy. I'm willing to walk and bike but that's about it outside of light sports like bowling and whatnot. Can I get healthy without the gym or do I need to face it and do some strength training?

I don't know everyone....I just wanted to pop in here and throw my situation into the mix. Maybe someone can relate. I just want to forget all about calorie tracking, calculators and go back to eating normal dinners with my family, not worrying about having 3 pieces of pizza vs. 2 or if I can eat that donut at work and not worry about gaining 10 lbs afterwards.

It's taking me down, y'all. Thanks for listening.

Hello everyone,

Here I am typing all this a second time because my post disappeared on me when I submitted it....

I am back with another update. Yesterday afternoon was my official kick-off date for my recovery, after doing a bunch of reading and research. Thanks AdamWW!

I forced myself into the grocery store with my wife to shop for new food. I picked up anything that caught my eye and appetite. All the things I would NEVER consider eating two days ago. Couple bags of Reese's Halloween Candy, couple bags of chips, bread, cheese, meat for sandwiches, etc. It was extremely scary but also fun

I've also gotten my wife on board to help me. She's been very supportive. I've put some of the decision making in her hands. I'm having her decide on and prepare meals. She's now packing a lunch bag for me to take to work in the mornings with the intentions of not telling me what's in it and the understanding that I need to eat whatever is in it throughout the day. However, this morning I ended up cleaning it out all in one shot due to being so hungry.

I'm scared to absolute death right now, but also kind of excited about it. I'm surrendering to my body and done with feeling sick and tired all the damn time.

I know I'm going to be facing some serious mental blocks in the roads ahead but I'm committed to seeing it through. These threads have proven invaluable and a great motivator for me.

Keep the stories, journeys and updates coming I'll do the same.

PS - Archway Frosted Oatmeal Cookies are life-changing!

[AdamWW]

Hello everyone,

Here I am typing all this a second time because my post disappeared on me when I submitted it....

I am back with another update. Yesterday afternoon was my official kick-off date for my recovery, after doing a bunch of reading and research. Thanks AdamWW!

I forced myself into the grocery store with my wife to shop for new food. I picked up anything that caught my eye and appetite. All the things I would NEVER consider eating two days ago. Couple bags of Reese's Halloween Candy, couple bags of chips, bread, cheese, meat for sandwiches, etc. It was extremely scary but also fun

I've also gotten my wife on board to help me. She's been very supportive. I've put some of the decision making in her hands. I'm having her decide on and prepare meals. She's now packing a lunch bag for me to take to work in the mornings with the intentions of not telling me what's in it and the understanding that I need to eat whatever is in it throughout the day. However, this morning I ended up cleaning it out all in one shot due to being so hungry.

I'm scared to absolute death right now, but also kind of excited about it. I'm surrendering to my body and done with feeling sick and tired all the damn time.

I know I'm going to be facing some serious mental blocks in the roads ahead but I'm committed to seeing it through. These threads have proven invaluable and a great motivator for me.

Keep the stories, journeys and updates coming I'll do the same.

PS - Archway Frosted Oatmeal Cookies are life-changing!

Im really excited for you man.. IT'S WORTH IT.

It will be the most beneficial and most rewarding decision you've ever made. I promise you.

This is basically being born again... im not even joking.

Don't hesitate to reach out for any more advice.

[Nightflier101BL]

Wow, 5 days in and I'm dealing with some interesting issues now.

Monday, I started full force into trying to refeed myself. Got all the appealing foods I wanted and have been eating probably 5K calories per day. But now, my stomach is completely going apesh*t on me. On top of that, I'm finding these foods I thought would be fun and exciting to be eating again not that amazing. I haven't eaten cookies and cakes and muffins, etc. in a long time and was very excited to be eating this stuff. Everything tastes generic and low quality and not that amazing like I thought it would be. Just low quality, I guess. So, my wife is a professional baker and I've recruited her to make me a surplus of goodies.

Anyway, due to my unbearable stomach issues, I've had to pull back for a day or two and go back to my usual food until things settle down. Over the last couple of days, I've been melting down and feeling very hot and uncomfortable. I weighed myself this morning expecting to be 10 lbs heavier and I'm actually less weight than I was when I started. I have no idea what the hell is going on.

I paid a visit to my psychiatrist yesterday morning and got an order for a CBC blood panel to include checking Thyroid, Cortisol and Testosterone. Doing that this morning after fasting since yesterday evening. I've also set up an appointment with a nutritionist specializing in ED and people with IBS (me). I think I might need to do a specialized eating plan and stop going full-bore on my own. I really don't know what I'm doing.

I took the week off from work this week due to my system going nuts and some other issues relating to my mental health. In the meantime, I guess I'm relapsing back to my pre-recovery food schedule until I get recommendations from the nutritionist.

[AdamWW]

Wow, 5 days in and I'm dealing with some interesting issues now.

Monday, I started full force into trying to refeed myself. Got all the appealing foods I wanted and have been eating probably 5K calories per day. But now, my stomach is completely going apesh*t on me. On top of that, I'm finding these foods I thought would be fun and exciting to be eating again not that amazing. I haven't eaten cookies and cakes and muffins, etc. in a long time and was very excited to be eating this stuff. Everything tastes generic and low quality and not that amazing like I thought it would be. Just low quality, I guess. So, my wife is a professional baker and I've recruited her to make me a surplus of goodies.

Anyway, due to my unbearable stomach issues, I've had to pull back for a day or two and go back to my usual food until things settle down. Over the last couple of days, I've been melting down and feeling very hot and uncomfortable. I weighed myself this morning expecting to be 10 lbs heavier and I'm actually less weight than I was when I started. I have no idea what the hell is going on.

I paid a visit to my psychiatrist yesterday morning and got an order for a CBC blood panel to include checking Thyroid, Cortisol and Testosterone. Doing that this morning after fasting since yesterday evening. I've also set up an appointment with a nutritionist specializing in ED and people with IBS (me). I think I might need to do a specialized eating plan and stop going full-bore on my own. I really don't know what I'm doing.

I took the week off from work this week due to my system going nuts and some other issues relating to my mental health. In the meantime, I guess I'm relapsing back to my pre-recovery food schedule until I get recommendations from the nutritionist.

Thanks for checking in dude.

What exactly does your stomach feel like? You mentioned it felt 'apesh*t', but specifically how?

What you're experiencing with regards to foods and their appeal is quite common, and most people who finally 'give in' to the cravings soon realize that the allure and novelty of the items wears off and they're left almost disappointed that they didn't have more staying power. I see this as a good thing... they're losing their control over you.

In terms of feeling hot and uncomfortable, there's a number of things that can occur in recovery that can contribute to this:

1. Increased calories... you are literally consuming more food, and of course this increases body temperature especially from carbs and protein
2. Hypermetabolism... which is something that can happen in some cases when underweight/starved people start refeeding themselves. It's not super common, but it does happen and ends up resolving over time.
3. Anxiety... yes, indeed, if you're feeling anxious about the process of recovery, it can make you sweat, have poor digestions, and so on...


One thing I want to stress here is that, although I am not a nutritionist, reverting to restriction/relapsing is not going to help you.. it's going to hurt you. I promise you that.

I'm not saying ignore your symptoms, and i'm not saying 'keep doing what you're doing', i'm saying don't return to your disorder because that means you're literally giving up/giving in.

The goal in 'getting over' or recovering from you disorder is not to TRY and FORCE food into your body until you feel sick... the idea is to eat in a way where food is not an anxiety-provoking subject and it loses it's hold over you. It also ceases to hold any kind of power as a coping mechanism... you stop avoiding food when you're sad, you stop controlling it, etc.

I'm not sure why you weighed yourself, but also weighing yourself in recovery is a very, very bad idea for most everyone especially in early stages. Had you have gone up 5 pounds, what do you think your reaction would have been?

Given it's only been 5 days, also, I don't think trying analyze your weight is a useful thing to do.

Again, i'm not a professional, but I think returning to your 'old ways' is a huge mistake, and I think you should consider a middle ground where you're not back to starving yourself but you're also not purposefully making yourself sick.

[Nightflier101BL]

Thanks for checking in dude.

What exactly does your stomach feel like? You mentioned it felt 'apesh*t', but specifically how?

What you're experiencing with regards to foods and their appeal is quite common, and most people who finally 'give in' to the cravings soon realize that the allure and novelty of the items wears off and they're left almost disappointed that they didn't have more staying power. I see this as a good thing... they're losing their control over you.

In terms of feeling hot and uncomfortable, there's a number of things that can occur in recovery that can contribute to this:

1. Increased calories... you are literally consuming more food, and of course this increases body temperature especially from carbs and protein
2. Hypermetabolism... which is something that can happen in some cases when underweight/starved people start refeeding themselves. It's not super common, but it does happen and ends up resolving over time.
3. Anxiety... yes, indeed, if you're feeling anxious about the process of recovery, it can make you sweat, have poor digestions, and so on...


One thing I want to stress here is that, although I am not a nutritionist, reverting to restriction/relapsing is not going to help you.. it's going to hurt you. I promise you that.

I'm not saying ignore your symptoms, and i'm not saying 'keep doing what you're doing', i'm saying don't return to your disorder because that means you're literally giving up/giving in.

The goal in 'getting over' or recovering from you disorder is not to TRY and FORCE food into your body until you feel sick... the idea is to eat in a way where food is not an anxiety-provoking subject and it loses it's hold over you. It also ceases to hold any kind of power as a coping mechanism... you stop avoiding food when you're sad, you stop controlling it, etc.

I'm not sure why you weighed yourself, but also weighing yourself in recovery is a very, very bad idea for most everyone especially in early stages. Had you have gone up 5 pounds, what do you think your reaction would have been?

Given it's only been 5 days, also, I don't think trying analyze your weight is a useful thing to do.

Again, i'm not a professional, but I think returning to your 'old ways' is a huge mistake, and I think you should consider a middle ground where you're not back to starving yourself but you're also not purposefully making yourself sick.

Hey Adam,

In regards to my stomach, it's just general bloating, gas, #2 issues and discomfort, this is most likely partly due to my IBS problems.

As far as everything else, I do have a mental disorder on top of this that is playing strong games with me. Admittedly, I think I'm letting it get the best of me at the moment. Externally, I know what and how to move forward and what I'm doing wrong. Internally, I'm fighting my mental issues and fears. However, today I forced myself to go get my blood work completed and just now, I started eating again outside of my comfort zone even though my mind is fighting me right now. My wife has been by my side through all of this and is holding my hand through it all. My psychiatrist yesterday put me on a preliminary calorie plan of around 3K per day, putting emphasis on more protein and potassium. He also suggested Remoral (anti-depressant) but I'm not sure I want to venture in that direction yet. If anything, his idea was to use this to stimulate my appetite.

Monday, I have my first appointment with the nutritionist. I'm eager to see if she can help steer me where I need to be. I'm going to eat more food this evening and through the weekend but not to sickness this time. I was just super excited to eat to my heart's desire for once and got disappointment instead. No worries, new game plan.

I haven't given this a true effort just yet in just 5 days. No more weighing myself and body-checking. Just more reasonable food intake for the time being. But home-baked goodies are inbound at the moment, which I'm very much looking forward to I'm not giving up...just re-evaluating my situation and re-routing where needed.

Thanks again, Adam...I'll update from time to time. Hopefully, others reading these posts can relate and get something out of this as well.

[AdamWW]

Hey Adam,

In regards to my stomach, it's just general bloating, gas, #2 issues and discomfort, this is most likely partly due to my IBS problems.

As far as everything else, I do have a mental disorder on top of this that is playing strong games with me. Admittedly, I think I'm letting it get the best of me at the moment. Externally, I know what and how to move forward and what I'm doing wrong. Internally, I'm fighting my mental issues and fears. However, today I forced myself to go get my blood work completed and just now, I started eating again outside of my comfort zone even though my mind is fighting me right now. My wife has been by my side through all of this and is holding my hand through it all. My psychiatrist yesterday put me on a preliminary calorie plan of around 3K per day, putting emphasis on more protein and potassium. He also suggested Remoral (anti-depressant) but I'm not sure I want to venture in that direction yet. If anything, his idea was to use this to stimulate my appetite.

Monday, I have my first appointment with the nutritionist. I'm eager to see if she can help steer me where I need to be. I'm going to eat more food this evening and through the weekend but not to sickness this time. I was just super excited to eat to my heart's desire for once and got disappointment instead. No worries, new game plan.

I haven't given this a true effort just yet in just 5 days. No more weighing myself and body-checking. Just more reasonable food intake for the time being. But home-baked goodies are inbound at the moment, which I'm very much looking forward to I'm not giving up...just re-evaluating my situation and re-routing where needed.

Thanks again, Adam...I'll update from time to time. Hopefully, others reading these posts can relate and get something out of this as well.

A word of advice from someone who has been through it and also as someone who has a highly active, analytical brain: don't take things too seriously.

There is, in fact, a way to make recovery 'fun'.

Don't have expectations about a weight goal, hitting a calorie numbers, or HAVING to do thing the 'right way'...

This is about freedom, not control, and not measuring up to others.

Try your best to follow your intuition while not ignoring your common issues with restriction. Don't get down on yourself if it's not the fairytale you picture every second of every day.

All things in stride my friend.

[Nightflier101BL]

A word of advice from someone who has been through it and also as someone who has a highly active, analytical brain: don't take things too seriously.

There is, in fact, a way to make recovery 'fun'.

Don't have expectations about a weight goal, hitting a calorie numbers, or HAVING to do thing the 'right way'...

This is about freedom, not control, and not measuring up to others.

Try your best to follow your intuition while not ignoring your common issues with restriction. Don't get down on yourself if it's not the fairytale you picture every second of every day.

All things in stride my friend.

Thanks, Adam. Powering on...

[Nightflier101BL]

Update on my second week into recovery.

Had a bit of a backslide and went back to my old ways for a couple of days. Still body-checking, still weighing food and myself. But I was able to pull my head out of a$$. Here's what's happening so far...

Last week, I started refeeding on my own and basically eating to fullness and satiety. I probably ate around 5-6K calories per day for a few days straight. At the end of the week, I did not gain any weight, actually lost a pound, which is very confusing. After some research, I'm putting this down to maybe a hypermetabolism situation.

In any case, I've decided to get some professionals on board to keep me on track. I'm seeing a dietician and well as an ED doctor. Have an EKG scheduled. Had my bloodwork done last week, which all came back normal (CBC panel), besides highly elevated levels of B12 and D, which I was taking supplements.

The dietician has me focusing on a meal plan which has me eating every 3 hours - trying to have 3 meals and 3 snacks per day. We're not focusing on hitting certain calorie amounts or specific foods. Goals for this next week are, stop weighing myself, stop weighing and measuring my food and incorporating the meals above. My wife is going to monitor my weight once each week and report back to the dietician. The goal is to gain 2-3 lbs per week with a rough target of getting me to around 180-190 lbs, which I was before all this stuff started.

Just wanted to post this for anyone who may be struggling with the solo approach. It helps to have somewhat of a picture of where I'm heading with the help/hand-holding of a dietician. Just make sure it's a registered dietician vs. a nutritionist.

[AdamWW]

Update on my second week into recovery.

Had a bit of a backslide and went back to my old ways for a couple of days. Still body-checking, still weighing food and myself. But I was able to pull my head out of a$$. Here's what's happening so far...

Last week, I started refeeding on my own and basically eating to fullness and satiety. I probably ate around 5-6K calories per day for a few days straight. At the end of the week, I did not gain any weight, actually lost a pound, which is very confusing. After some research, I'm putting this down to maybe a hypermetabolism situation.

In any case, I've decided to get some professionals on board to keep me on track. I'm seeing a dietician and well as an ED doctor. Have an EKG scheduled. Had my bloodwork done last week, which all came back normal (CBC panel), besides highly elevated levels of B12 and D, which I was taking supplements.

The dietician has me focusing on a meal plan which has me eating every 3 hours - trying to have 3 meals and 3 snacks per day. We're not focusing on hitting certain calorie amounts or specific foods. Goals for this next week are, stop weighing myself, stop weighing and measuring my food and incorporating the meals above. My wife is going to monitor my weight once each week and report back to the dietician. The goal is to gain 2-3 lbs per week with a rough target of getting me to around 180-190 lbs, which I was before all this stuff started.

Just wanted to post this for anyone who may be struggling with the solo approach. It helps to have somewhat of a picture of where I'm heading with the help/hand-holding of a dietician. Just make sure it's a registered dietician vs. a nutritionist.

Why not throw away your bathroom scale so it’s not an option?

[Nightflier101BL]

Why not throw away your bathroom scale so it’s not an option?

Believe it or not, I do have it in me to not look. I have the willpower. I had a sort of flirtatious attitude with my recovery at first but I'm good now. Besides, my wife uses it as she's trying to go in the opposite direction. Same with the kitchen scale. She uses it because she's a baker.

She's watching me and keeping me in line

[AdamWW]

Believe it or not, I do have it in me to not look. I have the willpower. I had a sort of flirtatious attitude with my recovery at first but I'm good now. Besides, my wife uses it as she's trying to go in the opposite direction. Same with the kitchen scale. She uses it because she's a baker.

She's watching me and keeping me in line

i see i see.

Well let me know if you need any insight man... one day at a time. Just keep practicing opposite actions and doing things that scare you and your thoughts around food control

[Nightflier101BL]

i see i see.

Well let me know if you need any insight man... one day at a time. Just keep practicing opposite actions and doing things that scare you and your thoughts around food control

Absolutely. Doing lots of uncomfortable things right now to force my brain in the right direction. Things are bit more fun this week, now that I have somewhat of a blueprint to look at.

I just want to mention you recommendation to me to check out Tabitha Farrar. This has proven invaluable and a great reference that I keep referring back to as needed. I've actually read every one of her books - very worthwhile. Also, my dietician was giving me suggestions and support that was in exact alignment with what Tabitha has written in her books.

[AdamWW]

Absolutely. Doing lots of uncomfortable things right now to force my brain in the right direction. Things are bit more fun this week, now that I have somewhat of a blueprint to look at.

I just want to mention you recommendation to me to check out Tabitha Farrar. This has proven invaluable and a great reference that I keep referring back to as needed. I've actually read every one of her books - very worthwhile. Also, my dietician was giving me suggestions and support that was in exact alignment with what Tabitha has written in her books.

I really appreciate her no-BS approach... i think it's way, WAY more helpful for adults.

So much of the content online for ED recovery is tailored to sensitive, teenage females, and I always felt almost patronized or coddled when I tried to read about recovery.

Tabitha tells it like it is and skips all the mental gymnastics, which I really think is important to a faster process.

[stevowrock]

hey adam, so beating this thoughts of “I have to walk to eat what I want” is by doing the opposite right? I get this urge of anxiety of wanting to walk just to burn calories and eat more. when does this urge calms?

[AdamWW]

hey adam, so beating this thoughts of “I have to walk to eat what I want” is by doing the opposite right? I get this urge of anxiety of wanting to walk just to burn calories and eat more. when does this urge calms?

It varies for everyone.

Exercise compulsion is typically a manifestation of fear of losing control, and fear of gaining weight if you don’t exercise.

So really, it’s not so different than overcoming any other compulsion that comes along with EDs… you need to repeatedly challenge those compulsions over and over, and once you go long enough not giving in, you’ll realize that nothing bad happens if you stop controlling your body like that.

Think of it this way… your ED is telling you walking will protect you, but if you’re able to NOT walk and end up totally fine… well, you prove to yourself that you can be completely fine without walking or compensating.

[Readytonut]

Hello everyone, I need urgent advice and thought this forum is the best place to get good tips. I took a hair loss pill at the end of February. This tablet was also a powerful hormone blocker that caused strong reactions in me. I suddenly had severe sleep problems and my food intolerances got worse. In the beginning I had many panic attacks from the sleepless nights. In February of this year, after the strong reactions, I started adjusting my diet and only ate natural foods. Unfortunately, I did not gain enough calories for a long time because the food volume remained the same and the calories were extremely low, I did not really notice that and attributed the sleep disorders to the hormone fluctuations caused by the pill. I weighed 79-80kg in February, 75kg in June and only 70kg today. I already have symptoms of hypogonanism and my testosterone was just above the permissible limit in June. For about 1 month my testicles and penis have had phases where they became freezing. Since last week there has been constant pain and cold in the testicles and the sleep disorders are still there. As a result, I suffered a severe erectile dysfunction and am practically impotent. I don't even get morning erections. Every time I wanted to start training in the last few months and weeks and wanted to do some training, my symptoms worsened (probably due to constant stress due to lack of sleep and an even greater calorie deficit). It was basically a crash diet over 6 months that completely upset my endoctric balance. I now urgently need advice on how to free myself from this downward spiral. I most likely have a gluten intolerance that makes it difficult for me to take calories and you are currently impotent. What is the best approach to address these issues.

[stevowrock]

It varies for everyone.

Exercise compulsion is typically a manifestation of fear of losing control, and fear of gaining weight if you don’t exercise.

So really, it’s not so different than overcoming any other compulsion that comes along with EDs… you need to repeatedly challenge those compulsions over and over, and once you go long enough not giving in, you’ll realize that nothing bad happens if you stop controlling your body like that.

Think of it this way… your ED is telling you walking will protect you, but if you’re able to NOT walk and end up totally fine… well, you prove to yourself that you can be completely fine without walking or compensating.

thanks for replying!

[Nightflier101BL]

Still going at it. I'm still having some minor setbacks and minor (day or two) relapses but I'm still trucking on at the moment. I had my weekly weigh in on Friday, what I saw scared the crap out of me - 10 lbs up in just a few days, which looking back now and judging how I feel at the moment, was just all water weight and bloating. My hands swelled up like balloons and I couldn't get my wedding ring off. This caused me to restrict the next two days, which I did bounce back from.

Oddly enough, one of my biggest stressors right now is the wedding ring. I usually take it off in the evenings and for showers, then put it back on again in the morning. Feeling it get snug on my finger makes me feel incredibly claustrophobic for some reason and I freak out. I'm just going to leave it on 24/7 at this point and get used to it. The bloating will go up and down, I know.

So, I'm back on it. I've been doing some reading with the below:

Mayra Hornbacher - Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia This is a fantastic, eye-opening book but it's pretty graphic and no non-sense
Jenni Schaefer - Life Without Ed This was recommended by my dietician. On order and next up after the above

I find that I get a LOT of comfort and reassurance from the books and this forum. I just need to stay away from the other areas of this forum. Also, reddit has some recovery subs but be careful as some of the AN ones are extremely triggering and filled with teenage girls that are completely happy staying in their disorders.

On a side note, today is my birthday and I have a mid-day date with my wife at a nice local restaurant. Going to eat what I want, get some dessert and maybe try some wines. It's going to feel great.

Last week, we had lunch at a local Tex-Mex place and I went completely nuts with tacos, chips and salsa, pile of rice and two small frozen margaritas. Then I came back and had several cookies. And you know what, nothing bad happened. I was full of energy and my mood was massively improved.

PS - freaking Reese's peanut butter pumpkins in the freezer are the GOAT.