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  1. #1981
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Slaten21 View Post
    I have ARFID, which limits my food choices. I ran track in highschool and my food choices really didn't affect my overall fitness goals. Since graduating I changed my fitness goal and have been trying to gain more muscle while keeping the fat off. I started going to the gym for the first time ever in February and have recently hit a plateau. I started off gaining muscle but recently it seems to be more fat with my muscle growth just staying the same. A friend of mine mentioned that my nutrition needs to change drastically if I want to see anymore improvements. Has anyone else with a similar disorder found a good nutrition plan that has helped?
    MY current diet consist of chicken tenders, pizza, cereal, ice cream, and anything sweet. I have purchased a few different protein shakes that I plan to start using this week. I also only eat 1 major meal a day usually between 5-6 at night. Any help would be appreciated.
    please see my reply in the main section
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  2. #1982
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    did counting cals made things worst for you? do you still count?
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  3. #1983
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    So I think got an issue. I was actually about to create my own thread when I noticed this one.

    I have a really hard time feeling when I'm actually full. I mean, for that to happen, I need to feel pain in my stomach. In addition to that, I feel extremely bad about not finishing a meal and/or wasting food! I am, in a way, bulimic. As in every time I get super full - I hate myself and the next day spend good 30 min on a treadmill. Seeing how its an every day thing for me, I spend 30 min running on treadmill about 5 days a week. (yes, running, not jogging, not walking, running).

    I'm 6 foot tall, 198 lbs. According to the "super accurate" army tape test I'm at 18% BF. Scored 296/300 on last PT test.

    I have tried dieting and counting calories. I tried CLA 2500 and garcinia cambogia supplements and they don't seem quench my appetite.

    My current goal is to lessen BF percentage and get rid of love handles.
    Иногда я говорю себе " хватить тратить время на качалку, Стас!" И продолжаю ебашить, потому что я не Стас.
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  4. #1984
    Female Fitness FTW AddingPins's Avatar
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    Hey SYCO89. Feeling shame in response to fullness is something that has been conditioned into you. Somehow many in the fitness culture learn to associate feeling full with over-indulgence or gluttony when in reality our bodies and brains are wired to signal us to eat until we feel full. This is nothing to be ashamed about and in fact very normal.

    It is worth noting that these signals can be distorted with chronic dieting though and though the information that you gave was limited, it sounds as though this could be the case for you. If you are finding yourself insatiable then it's possible that you need to step away from trying to diet and give yourself some time to reconnect with your body and learn to eat according to your physical cues. It can be scary, especially when you are on boards like this which is fixated on rigid tracking in order to obtain a goal...however, you may find yourself stuck in this cycle unless you take some time to deal with your current relationship with eating.

    I would recommend taking some time away from tracking and starting to eat according to your body's cues: Learning to listen out for when your body is signaling true hunger, eating slowly and consciously and stopping when you are full. This endeavour may sound impossible given how you are feeling now but it is not something that is out of your reach because you are born able to do this and you can absolutely learn to do this again. You're likely just out of practice and it will become second nature, once more, in time. And don't worry if in the initial stages you are eating more than you think you are 'supposed to'. If your body is asking for food then it is important to learn to trust these signals. In allowing your body to do the talking and providing it with what it is asking you for, you may find that your hunger is less intense and you are able to feel satisfied more readily in time.

    During this time, have a set training program that you enjoy and do your best not to add on activity in response to your meal size. Just eat according to your hunger cues and train according to your plan and things will settle in time. Compensating with additional exercise in response to calories that you deem excessive may simply keep you at the deficit which is perpetuating this cycle of strong urges to eat large amounts, having trouble feeling full and then pushing your body hard trying to burn off what you ate. Break the cycle by listening to your body, eating the amounts that your body is asking for and only exercising according to a plan that you enjoy and not because you feel that you need to punish yourself for eating. These new habits can help your body regulate over time and reduce it's need to ramp up your hunger signals and reduce feelings of satiation.
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  5. #1985
    Registered User SYCO89's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AddingPins View Post
    Hey SYCO89. Feeling shame in response to fullness is something that has been conditioned into you. Somehow many in the fitness culture learn to associate feeling full with over-indulgence or gluttony when in reality our bodies and brains are wired to signal us to eat until we feel full. This is nothing to be ashamed about and in fact very normal.

    It is worth noting that these signals can be distorted with chronic dieting though and though the information that you gave was limited, it sounds as though this could be the case for you. If you are finding yourself insatiable then it's possible that you need to step away from trying to diet and give yourself some time to reconnect with your body and learn to eat according to your physical cues. It can be scary, especially when you are on boards like this which is fixated on rigid tracking in order to obtain a goal...however, you may find yourself stuck in this cycle unless you take some time to deal with your current relationship with eating.

    I would recommend taking some time away from tracking and starting to eat according to your body's cues: Learning to listen out for when your body is signaling true hunger, eating slowly and consciously and stopping when you are full. This endeavour may sound impossible given how you are feeling now but it is not something that is out of your reach because you are born able to do this and you can absolutely learn to do this again. You're likely just out of practice and it will become second nature, once more, in time. And don't worry if in the initial stages you are eating more than you think you are 'supposed to'. If your body is asking for food then it is important to learn to trust these signals. In allowing your body to do the talking and providing it with what it is asking you for, you may find that your hunger is less intense and you are able to feel satisfied more readily in time.

    During this time, have a set training program that you enjoy and do your best not to add on activity in response to your meal size. Just eat according to your hunger cues and train according to your plan and things will settle in time. Compensating with additional exercise in response to calories that you deem excessive may simply keep you at the deficit which is perpetuating this cycle of strong urges to eat large amounts, having trouble feeling full and then pushing your body hard trying to burn off what you ate. Break the cycle by listening to your body, eating the amounts that your body is asking for and only exercising according to a plan that you enjoy and not because you feel that you need to punish yourself for eating. These new habits can help your body regulate over time and reduce it's need to ramp up your hunger signals and reduce feelings of satiation.
    That's all good info! And you definitely gave me some pointers and facts to consider. I need to sleep on this.

    First thing that did concern me thou is:
    Originally Posted by AddingPins View Post
    ...in the initial stages you are eating more than you think you are 'supposed to'.
    I'm in the military. And knowing how much I like to eat, I'm afraid I'm gonna go fat real quick haha. That's a big no-no.
    ... I just pictured in my mind how I'm telling my commander that I'm fat because "..body is asking for food then it is important to learn to trust these signals. In allowing your body to do the talking and providing it with what it is asking you for..."

    In reality thou, I don't think he'll say anything, but still.. this is all too complicated and just like a trip to the Docs, makes me wanna go "just give me the pills, doc."
    Иногда я говорю себе " хватить тратить время на качалку, Стас!" И продолжаю ебашить, потому что я не Стас.
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  6. #1986
    Female Fitness FTW AddingPins's Avatar
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    You are very welcome.

    So, I absolutely understand your concerns here, especially because you are looking at your appetite right now and it is likely very high and so the thought of letting that be your gauge for how much to eat sounds like a recipe for disaster. However, if you have been pushing yourself to eat at a deficit for some time your appetite is likely this way in response to that. Your brain is constantly receiving messages from your body about the amount of nutrients that you are taking in as well as how many calories. There is a delicate balance and the brain increases and reduces the release of certain hormones depending on what it is detecting in your blood. When there is not enough energy available, one of the things that happens is that expression of certain neurons in the brain is increased in some areas and in other areas decreased. This leads to changes like increased appetite, reduced satiation and an overall increased drive to eat. It's how the body protects itself. It changes the internal atmosphere to drive you to eat because you have not been eating enough and it's sole purpose is to keep you alive. The only way to get the brain to reverse these changes is to return to maintenance calories or a hypercaloric state and if you listen to your hunger cues it will take you there.

    So, to sum that up, if you listen to your appetite and eat to it's satisfaction you may find that your raging appetite calms down and all of a sudden you are not experiencing that insane drive to eat. For some people it only takes a few days. For others, longer time may be necessary but the end result is the same. The body will regulate and you will start to feel less out of control when it comes to eating. Until you give your body this break from the deficit, these urges and inability to feel full may likely stay. Also taking some time away form tracking will help you to reconnect with your body and get back into the practice of using it as the guide for what and when to eat as well as how much.

    I'd like to note that for individuals recovering from anorexia, the phase of needing to eat according to your appetite and listen to your body with an aim to regulate hormones, appetite, feelings of satierty etc lasts a lot longer because of the extensive repair that needs to happen due to the severity of calorie deprivation that was sustained for an extended period. And you have to take into consideration the emotional repair necessary as well to have a better relationship with eating. That too requires a long time away from tracking and restricting. So please, anyone who is in recovery from AN reading the above advice, know that though the information does apply to you in some ways, you will likely have a much longer wait before a reduction in appetite occurs and that is good and very necessary for your full recovery.
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  7. #1987
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SYCO89 View Post
    So I think got an issue. I was actually about to create my own thread when I noticed this one.

    I have a really hard time feeling when I'm actually full. I mean, for that to happen, I need to feel pain in my stomach. In addition to that, I feel extremely bad about not finishing a meal and/or wasting food! I am, in a way, bulimic. As in every time I get super full - I hate myself and the next day spend good 30 min on a treadmill. Seeing how its an every day thing for me, I spend 30 min running on treadmill about 5 days a week. (yes, running, not jogging, not walking, running).

    I'm 6 foot tall, 198 lbs. According to the "super accurate" army tape test I'm at 18% BF. Scored 296/300 on last PT test.

    I have tried dieting and counting calories. I tried CLA 2500 and garcinia cambogia supplements and they don't seem quench my appetite.

    My current goal is to lessen BF percentage and get rid of love handles.
    It would be helpful to know of your history in terms of eating and how you think about food, and how long this kind of reaction has been going on.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  8. #1988
    Registered User SYCO89's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    It would be helpful to know of your history in terms of eating and how you think about food, and how long this kind of reaction has been going on.
    Well, its worth mentioning that I didn't always have this kind of an appetite. Used to be leaner. Always hated wasting food, not finishing meals. A lot of this may just have to do with my current lifestyle. I travel a lot and its hard to predict when's the next time ill be able to grab a bite to eat. So when I eat, I eat a lot. Kinda got used to it I guess.
    Иногда я говорю себе " хватить тратить время на качалку, Стас!" И продолжаю ебашить, потому что я не Стас.
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  9. #1989
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SYCO89 View Post
    Well, its worth mentioning that I didn't always have this kind of an appetite. Used to be leaner. Always hated wasting food, not finishing meals. A lot of this may just have to do with my current lifestyle. I travel a lot and its hard to predict when's the next time ill be able to grab a bite to eat. So when I eat, I eat a lot. Kinda got used to it I guess.
    Probably worthwhile to look into 'mindful eating' then. When you sit down to eat, or whatever, do whatever you can to focus only on what you're eating. Don't watch TV, YouTube, Browse the net, etc at the same time. Sit down and actually taste, fully chew, and think about what you're eating. You'll likely find you think about food in a more objective and healthy way when you actually focus on one thing at a time, and you'll end up enjoying the food more as well.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  10. #1990
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    Hey Guys: Quick Update.

    I used to be a regular on this forum (especially this thread). I can say that I do not, and will not, ever struggle with an ED again. Here's how:

    - I took over half a year off from the gym.
    - Gained a tremendous amount of weight.
    - I never restricted myself (but remained mindful).
    - Prioritized other facets of my life.

    Listen, I will be the first to tell you, I put on a ton of weight and it sucked. I was (and am a bit still) unhealthy, out of shape, couldn't run at all without being winded, etc. I wanted to change and go back to being lean and working out, but I just could not get myself to do it.

    I remained patient, understood I would eventually find my footing and have the motivation to get in the gym, but never forced myself into it. It was not that I was lazy or undisciplined. My body feared and rejected the thought of going to the gym because of the torture I put myself through for years.

    It clicked one day, after work, and I felt good. Slept well the night before. Ate well and started making smarter food choices. I called up a local gym, paid the membership fee, and now 2.5 months later I am down some weight (refraining the number for triggering reasons) and feel amazing.

    What's the point of all this?
    Recovery sucks, but you should not rush it or fear it. Life's good when you let your body do what it needs to do. Plus, you'll build yourself up in other ways in the meantime.

    Keep pushing.
    Been playing with shafts and balls since '75.
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  11. #1991
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sonnydfrizzy View Post
    Hey Guys: Quick Update.

    I used to be a regular on this forum (especially this thread). I can say that I do not, and will not, ever struggle with an ED again. Here's how:

    - I took over half a year off from the gym.
    - Gained a tremendous amount of weight.
    - I never restricted myself (but remained mindful).
    - Prioritized other facets of my life.

    Listen, I will be the first to tell you, I put on a ton of weight and it sucked. I was (and am a bit still) unhealthy, out of shape, couldn't run at all without being winded, etc. I wanted to change and go back to being lean and working out, but I just could not get myself to do it.

    I remained patient, understood I would eventually find my footing and have the motivation to get in the gym, but never forced myself into it. It was not that I was lazy or undisciplined. My body feared and rejected the thought of going to the gym because of the torture I put myself through for years.

    It clicked one day, after work, and I felt good. Slept well the night before. Ate well and started making smarter food choices. I called up a local gym, paid the membership fee, and now 2.5 months later I am down some weight (refraining the number for triggering reasons) and feel amazing.

    What's the point of all this?
    Recovery sucks, but you should not rush it or fear it. Life's good when you let your body do what it needs to do. Plus, you'll build yourself up in other ways in the meantime.

    Keep pushing.
    Good to see you again. Take care.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  12. #1992
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    Originally Posted by sonnydfrizzy View Post
    Hey Guys: Quick Update.

    I used to be a regular on this forum (especially this thread). I can say that I do not, and will not, ever struggle with an ED again. Here's how:

    - I took over half a year off from the gym.
    - Gained a tremendous amount of weight.
    - I never restricted myself (but remained mindful).
    - Prioritized other facets of my life.

    Listen, I will be the first to tell you, I put on a ton of weight and it sucked. I was (and am a bit still) unhealthy, out of shape, couldn't run at all without being winded, etc. I wanted to change and go back to being lean and working out, but I just could not get myself to do it.

    I remained patient, understood I would eventually find my footing and have the motivation to get in the gym, but never forced myself into it. It was not that I was lazy or undisciplined. My body feared and rejected the thought of going to the gym because of the torture I put myself through for years.

    It clicked one day, after work, and I felt good. Slept well the night before. Ate well and started making smarter food choices. I called up a local gym, paid the membership fee, and now 2.5 months later I am down some weight (refraining the number for triggering reasons) and feel amazing.

    What's the point of all this?
    Recovery sucks, but you should not rush it or fear it. Life's good when you let your body do what it needs to do. Plus, you'll build yourself up in other ways in the meantime.

    Keep pushing.
    Welcome back!
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  13. #1993
    Registered User Grappa's Avatar
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    ^ For me not the weight gain sucked, the inner torment and all the supressed feelings. This two is the worst. Once i was able to let my feelings out, and not be such a cold person everything changed.
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  14. #1994
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    Originally Posted by Grappa View Post
    ^ For me not the weight gain sucked, the inner torment and all the supressed feelings. This two is the worst. Once i was able to let my feelings out, and not be such a cold person everything changed.
    Many black eyes later...
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  15. #1995
    Rebelling in my psychosis thegymbum's Avatar
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    Hello all!

    It's been a very long time since I've been on this thread, let alone on this forum at all... so I want to quickly introduce myself.

    I'm Nancy, I'm 33 years old, and have struggled for the majority of the past 20 years with anorexia and exercise addiction. About a year ago, I relapsed after almost 3 years of fairly solid recovery, and right now I'm fighting hard to get back to where I was a little over a yaer ago.

    I've been in and out of treatment centers, and just finished my most recent round of inpatient treatment a few months ago... I admit I left AMA, but I was able to benefit from it to some extent while there. I'm closer to a healthy weight, and really mentally struggling with getting "all the way there", but making progress. My main thing is keeping the exercise under control, as I've been doing somewhat better with the food aspect.

    Anyway.... I feel bad just jumping in and talking about myself before replying to everyone else, but wanted to get a quick intro in and then jump into the conversation!! I really look forward to meeting everyone else and hopefully being able to provide support and find camaraderie among those of you that are either struggling or have struggled in the past!

    Sending my love to all
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thegymbum View Post
    Hello all!

    It's been a very long time since I've been on this thread, let alone on this forum at all... so I want to quickly introduce myself.

    I'm Nancy, I'm 33 years old, and have struggled for the majority of the past 20 years with anorexia and exercise addiction. About a year ago, I relapsed after almost 3 years of fairly solid recovery, and right now I'm fighting hard to get back to where I was a little over a yaer ago.

    I've been in and out of treatment centers, and just finished my most recent round of inpatient treatment a few months ago... I admit I left AMA, but I was able to benefit from it to some extent while there. I'm closer to a healthy weight, and really mentally struggling with getting "all the way there", but making progress. My main thing is keeping the exercise under control, as I've been doing somewhat better with the food aspect.

    Anyway.... I feel bad just jumping in and talking about myself before replying to everyone else, but wanted to get a quick intro in and then jump into the conversation!! I really look forward to meeting everyone else and hopefully being able to provide support and find camaraderie among those of you that are either struggling or have struggled in the past!

    Sending my love to all
    Nice to 'meet' you Nancy.

    Sorry to hear of your struggles post-relapse this past year... the New Year period tends to invoke a feeling of 'renewal', so it makes sense you'd feel compelled to change right now even moreso than other times of the year.

    I'm also in recovery right now, having lived with orthorexia/exercise addiction and/or 'exercise bulimia' for about 13 years now. I've also had my ups and downs, almost fully recovering from the body-image/fat control aspect of my disorder 2 times.

    Currently I'm at my lowest weight since I originally developed my ED back when I was 17-18, but I'm fighting it hard. I've found great benefits from reading on mindfulness and even certain spiritual practices. Hoping for a new me in the year new.

    Cheers!

    - Adam
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    General Tip:

    If you're like me and got used to ingesting large amount of high-volume, low-calorie foods to blunt hunger and control bodyfat, I recommend experimenting with or completely removing dense/very dark veggies from your diet at least for a couple days.

    Since I've been 're-feeding' and consuming very large amounts of calories in response to extreme hunger, the volume of food in my system can become painful if I ingest too many veggies and/or too much fiber.

    I used to eat probably 1-1.5lb of veggies every day, more like 2lb if I could manage it. I genuinely liked the taste, but it wasn't going me any favors.

    Now, I still eat the veggies, but I have NORMAL portions of them and make sure im prioritizing only veggies I know do NOT bloat me, such as romaine, spinach, carrots, and kale... things like broc****, brussels sprouts, cabbage, etc, had to go for the time being... even though I love them so

    Not only has this allowed me to get hungry faster, but it's given me a better sense of actually reading hunger cues.

    Yes, it means you'll eat more calories, and that's the point... gotta stop 'tricking' the body into feeling full and let it do it's thing.

    Cheers.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Hey. I was always a fat kid and was on countless "Diets" that never worked, until i found counting calories. I went from 187lbs at 5'11 to 108lbs in 10 months. Many times ive tried to stop counting calories but each time i do I always binge for some reason. most times up to 7000 calories a day but i try and stick to my belief that this time i wont go back to tracking but once i see the weight gain after about a week i always give in and track until ive lost all the fat i gained. This cycle has been continuing for a few months now and i have no idea how to stop it.
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    Originally Posted by Trav5617 View Post
    Hey. I was always a fat kid and was on countless "Diets" that never worked, until i found counting calories. I went from 187lbs at 5'11 to 108lbs in 10 months. Many times ive tried to stop counting calories but each time i do I always binge for some reason. most times up to 7000 calories a day but i try and stick to my belief that this time i wont go back to tracking but once i see the weight gain after about a week i always give in and track until ive lost all the fat i gained. This cycle has been continuing for a few months now and i have no idea how to stop it.
    Please, please speak to your parents AND professional if your weight is this low. Have your parents or people at school remarked at your physical state or shown support to get you on the path to gain weight?

    At your height and weight you are at serious risk of deadly complications.

    We can provide general feedback on these forums but right now you NEED to recover physically before you even address the mental side, or at least you need to address them both at the same time.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Please, please speak to your parents AND professional if your weight is this low. Have your parents or people at school remarked at your physical state or shown support to get you on the path to gain weight?

    At your height and weight you are at serious risk of deadly complications.

    We can provide general feedback on these forums but right now you NEED to recover physically before you even address the mental side, or at least you need to address them both at the same time.
    Ive Spoken to them about it but it hasnt been much help ive gained up to 120lbs but thats from the past week and a half of binging. I have no clue where to go from here because tracking calories isnt an option but neither is continuing to overeat.
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    Originally Posted by Trav5617 View Post
    Ive Spoken to them about it but it hasnt been much help ive gained up to 120lbs but thats from the past week and a half of binging. I have no clue where to go from here because tracking calories isnt an option but neither is continuing to overeat.
    What do you mean it's not much help? If you've spoken to a therapist, their job is to help you recover.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    What do you mean it's not much help? If you've spoken to a therapist, their job is to help you recover.
    I meant speaking to my parents. Going to see a therapist isnt something they believe is needed as all they told me was "Just eat normally"
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    Originally Posted by Trav5617 View Post
    I meant speaking to my parents. Going to see a therapist isnt something they believe is needed as all they told me was "Just eat normally"
    Wow... do they realize this can kill you?
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Well to them ive just been on a diet for the past few months. And when binging occurs they are sorta happy cause im eating a lot. I have no idea where to go from here...
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    Hey guys, I recently joined this forum and this thread seems to be the most appropriate to post my 1st post. I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I've always been very self-conscious about my body. Ever since I was a young teen I'd always call myself fat, even though I was far from that.

    My whole life I've been watching what I eat, I would never eat too much, always only drink water, never use sauces with my food, always say no to desserts, skip meals,..
    I started a new job last year which made me very busy and because of that I'd skip lunch and/or dinner from time to time. In the course of 8 months I became even skinnier than I always was. In August I weighted 60kg (132lbs), being 186cm (6ft1). I decided that I had to do something about it, I didn't want to be 30 years old with a body of a 16 year old. So I started to work with a personal trainer and started working out 3 times a week, he's been telling me to eat more. I'm trying to force myself to eat more, which is hard sometimes because I almost never feel hungry or crave food.. The first few weeks I barely gained any weight because I wanted to add weight the healthy way. Mainly fruits and vegetables, but that wasn't really working. So now I'm eating "really" unhealthy (I feel), lot's of fries, pasta's, pizza's, chocolate,.. So I'll try to browse around the threads here on how to 'easily' gain weight on a more healthy way. I've never counted calories and still don't do it, so maybe that's also a thing I should start doing. I gained 7kg (16lbs) since September, so I'm getting a little bigger and the heaviest I've ever been . But looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a small belly starting to grow is hard, haha.

    I hope this made some sense, and hopefully I'll be able to gain more weight with a healthy lifestyle. Good luck everyone on the road to your own goals!
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    Well, I guess I'll chime-in.

    I've been on and off diets since I was probably 12 years-old. I'm 29, almost 30 now, and anywhere from 280-320 lbs (I don't have a scale, really no excuse either). Now and then, I'll briefly feel motivated to do something, but it just never lasts. I wind up getting super depressed, feeling like "maybe there are just 'healthy people' and 'fat people', and I'm not strong enough to cross over". Which is probably BS, but it sure *feels* that way sometimes.

    Anyways, I've definitely noticed that any time I cut back on junk food, I either get angry, depressed, or both. To the point I might even say I become emotionally unstable. But as soon as I drink a non-diet soda, or eat some pizza, I'll feel perfectly "normal" again.

    My drive for wanting to lose weight... honestly, I don't have a real *reason* like a lot of people. For me, I think it's just kind of loneliness? I mean, I'm almost 30, I've worked hard to finally secure the kind of job a person could raise a family on, and... I'm still alone. Not saying that "people are all shallow", but clearly, my weight has a huge impact on potential romantic interests in my life.

    But it's also something that makes it impossible to stay motivated. I honestly don't care about my own health, I don't have anyone counting on or depending on me. I'm just sort of "here", like a forgettable extra in someone else's movie. So, I wind up just caving in any time I crave food, or feel bad, which is basically every day.

    I hate that food has such a stranglehold over "how I feel", but I don't even know how to overcome that.
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    I haven't been here in a long time! I can see Adam is still alive

    My ED got way out of control. I went from 40kg (88lbs) to 95kg (209lbs) in 7.5 months and this is NOT a joke. Unfortunately it is EXTREMELY hard to get into treatment in my country; BED is not a recognized diagnose. But after 5 or 6 months on the waiting list I (finally) got admitted. I have now been eating regularily since the admission, I am now discharged, and I still keep the regular eating pattern. Wow, this has been the most horrible time in my life. I needed to get it off my chest.
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    Could really use some help.

    I'm a 26 year old male suffering with what I believe is an eating disorder. A little background on me: I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for over 10 years which I finally managed to overcome, at least to the point now where it doesn't affect my daily life and nobody would know.
    The problem I have is during a relapse of anxiety 2 years ago, I stopped eating. I lost 40lbs in a very short period of time dropping from 168lbs to 128lbs at 6'2" in January 2017. A year on I am now weighing 145lbs so have managed to gain nearly 20lbs on my own. The problem I have is that i am incredibly anxious about my diet, my food choices, and the way I eat that i'm struggling to gain any more weight. With the best intentions to make sure i was eating enough calories, i began to weigh my food only now it's gotten out of hand. I weigh all of my food with kitchen scales, count each carbohydrate/fat/protein in my diet and aim for 2800 calories per day. The thing is doing this helped me gain all this weight which i now cannot stop myself from doing, its become a complete obsession with over 400 days logged on Myfitnesspal. At my height and activity levels i know i need to gain more weight.

    How can i overcome this? I have such weird behaviours, baking things for others and not even eating them, browsing recipes for hours online that i have no intention of making, walking around supermarkets for hours and creating food rules for myself and only eating 'safe' things. I've lost all the enjoyment from food and my hunger signals are out of whack. I hate having these issues surrounding food.

    It's really great to see a forum topic like this, I've been lurking for a while and decided to make a post. Any response would be greatly appreciated!
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    Originally Posted by Strength93 View Post
    I haven't been here in a long time! I can see Adam is still alive

    My ED got way out of control. I went from 40kg (88lbs) to 95kg (209lbs) in 7.5 months and this is NOT a joke. Unfortunately it is EXTREMELY hard to get into treatment in my country; BED is not a recognized diagnose. But after 5 or 6 months on the waiting list I (finally) got admitted. I have now been eating regularily since the admission, I am now discharged, and I still keep the regular eating pattern. Wow, this has been the most horrible time in my life. I needed to get it off my chest.
    pretty cavalier about a serious topic
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    Originally Posted by Dudebro91 View Post
    Could really use some help.

    I'm a 26 year old male suffering with what I believe is an eating disorder. A little background on me: I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for over 10 years which I finally managed to overcome, at least to the point now where it doesn't affect my daily life and nobody would know.
    The problem I have is during a relapse of anxiety 2 years ago, I stopped eating. I lost 40lbs in a very short period of time dropping from 168lbs to 128lbs at 6'2" in January 2017. A year on I am now weighing 145lbs so have managed to gain nearly 20lbs on my own. The problem I have is that i am incredibly anxious about my diet, my food choices, and the way I eat that i'm struggling to gain any more weight. With the best intentions to make sure i was eating enough calories, i began to weigh my food only now it's gotten out of hand. I weigh all of my food with kitchen scales, count each carbohydrate/fat/protein in my diet and aim for 2800 calories per day. The thing is doing this helped me gain all this weight which i now cannot stop myself from doing, its become a complete obsession with over 400 days logged on Myfitnesspal. At my height and activity levels i know i need to gain more weight.

    How can i overcome this? I have such weird behaviours, baking things for others and not even eating them, browsing recipes for hours online that i have no intention of making, walking around supermarkets for hours and creating food rules for myself and only eating 'safe' things. I've lost all the enjoyment from food and my hunger signals are out of whack. I hate having these issues surrounding food.

    It's really great to see a forum topic like this, I've been lurking for a while and decided to make a post. Any response would be greatly appreciated!
    Recovery from an ED can resemble recovery from any addiction and is commonly modeled against 5 basic steps:

    Pre-contemplation - This stage is characterized by denial of alcohol or drug addiction. The substance abuser may not even think he or she has any kind of problem and is absolutely fine with their habit. In this stage you will hear words like, “I can handle my drugs or alcohol”, “I am in control, it’s not that bad”, “I don’t have an addiction problem,” etc… A person in this phase is almost entirely unapproachable unless they are willing to believe that they might have a problem with substance abuse.

    Contemplation - The abuser may start to suffer consequences at this time, like health, legal, & social problems with friends, family, & co-workers. The problem is starting to become more obvious and awareness begins to take place. Many addicts will bargain with themselves or loved ones in this phase. They want to change but are unsure how and are in fear of treatment, recovery, expenses, detox pain, emotions, and the like.

    Preparation - The addict begins to prepare for recovery. In this stage they may attend a few 12 step meetings and make a firm resolution to stop drinking or using. This is usually the “trying to control consumption” phase. Some methods are being experimented with, like switching out liquor for beer, replacing their main drug of choice with other drugs, trying to control the amount they take, trying to only do it on the weekends, waiting for a certain time at night to do it, and so on and so forth.

    Action - Usually the attempts and methods in the pre-contemplation stage have failed or are starting to fail. The addict will begin to take direct action towards their recovery. They may attend an inpatient addiction treatment program, and follow a continuum of care after their stay. They begin to learn more about the disease of addiction, work through issues that may be blocking them from growth towards a healthier life, acceptance of not being able to drink or use again, and understanding that they can change.

    Maintenance - The alcoholic or addict will focus on maintaining their recovery program as well as implementing the tools they learned in treatment.



    From what you wrote, you appear to fall more into the Preparation stage, even though you've taken some steps and are highly aware of your triggers. You've taken some action, but you're also displaying classic practices of what is often termed 'quasi-recovery'.

    'Quasi-recovery', in a nutshell, means that you have made progress on your path but due to a lack of support, momentum, reinforcement by peers or a professional, added life stress, etc, you're falling into bad habits and not fully breaking off from your disordered behaviors.

    For some people, they are able to balance a staged approach in recovery and 'go slow' with removal of triggers, etc. Others, like me, have to 'break it off' with all manner of triggers because if I have even the remote chance of testing my weight, weighing food, weighing myself, etc, it triggers me into wanting to control my food again.

    I would urge you to consider what you already know on a more conscious level. Ask yourself:

    1. How does this action serve me?

    If weighing your food, weighing yourself, tracking macros, are all things you KNOW will hurt your progress, then it's obvious: you need to stop. Throw away your scales and measuring cups, don't buy more, remove your tracking apps, just stop. Stop looking as your stomach, body, 'problem areas' in the mirror... just anything YOU KNOW is the ED pushing you and not your true self.

    You need to treat these actions much like a cancer, a disease, or a foreign person talking in your ear, because that is, truly, what is going on. In your mind, there is no longer just you: you're sharing headspace with an ED alongside your true self. You need to push the ED out, so only you remain.

    Don't feed it. Every action you do which YOU know is triggering, feeds the ED. Starve it out... do what you gotta do.

    2. What will my reaction be, depending on the outcome?

    If you're having trouble resisting, ask yourself "if my weight goes up, or my stomach looks puffy for some reason, what will I do as a result"? If you find yourself KNOWING that a slight increase in weight, or not being able to weigh food, track your calories, etc, will be a trigger, then identify that AHEAD OF TIME. Don't wait until after... use your experience and your knowledge (which you clearly have), so tackle this stuff right then and there, and do something else.

    Anything you even think MIGHT trigger you to continue the bad behaviors needs to stop.

    3. How else can I behave, or what else can I do RIGHT NOW instead of this triggering action?

    If you find yourself trying to open or re-download MyFitnessPal, for example, then be MINDFUL of that right then and there. What purpose does that serve? How will knowing your food intake actually benefit you? Does anyone else actually care? Will it make your life better?

    Truly, take several minutes to ponder the outcomes. Think CRITICALLY about why you make your choices. Your ED is going to push you to jump to action without thinking. The ED is basic, quick, and forceful, but it's not 'smart'. You need to use your critical mind to focus on the big picture. Ask yourself the important questions, challenge yourself, be OK with being UNCOMFORTABLE, and you'll win over the ED.


    Like I said, it's great you've found what is so triggering to you, so it's time to take action.

    One quote I love is the following:

    "You can't think your way to the right action, but you can act your way to the right way of thinking"



    The take-home from this message is that, when you're in the midst of obsessions, addictions, and many forms of mental disorders, trying to 'outthink' the problem simply doesn't work. This disease has been ingrained into your process for a decade... you need to CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS and be OK with how you might feel mentally horrible in the process and your thoughts around food and your body will follow as a result.

    So like I said, take action: ACT by not logging foods. ACT by taking a deep breath and doing something else instead of engaging in your triggering actions. ACT by choosing to be around friends and eat out at places you don't know the nutrition for instead of making the same things all the time because they're safe.

    Good luck man.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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