Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[Dudebro91]

Recovery from an ED can resemble recovery from any addiction and is commonly modeled against 5 basic steps:

Pre-contemplation - This stage is characterized by denial of alcohol or drug addiction. The substance abuser may not even think he or she has any kind of problem and is absolutely fine with their habit. In this stage you will hear words like, “I can handle my drugs or alcohol”, “I am in control, it’s not that bad”, “I don’t have an addiction problem,” etc… A person in this phase is almost entirely unapproachable unless they are willing to believe that they might have a problem with substance abuse.

Contemplation - The abuser may start to suffer consequences at this time, like health, legal, & social problems with friends, family, & co-workers. The problem is starting to become more obvious and awareness begins to take place. Many addicts will bargain with themselves or loved ones in this phase. They want to change but are unsure how and are in fear of treatment, recovery, expenses, detox pain, emotions, and the like.

Preparation - The addict begins to prepare for recovery. In this stage they may attend a few 12 step meetings and make a firm resolution to stop drinking or using. This is usually the “trying to control consumption” phase. Some methods are being experimented with, like switching out liquor for beer, replacing their main drug of choice with other drugs, trying to control the amount they take, trying to only do it on the weekends, waiting for a certain time at night to do it, and so on and so forth.

Action - Usually the attempts and methods in the pre-contemplation stage have failed or are starting to fail. The addict will begin to take direct action towards their recovery. They may attend an inpatient addiction treatment program, and follow a continuum of care after their stay. They begin to learn more about the disease of addiction, work through issues that may be blocking them from growth towards a healthier life, acceptance of not being able to drink or use again, and understanding that they can change.

Maintenance - The alcoholic or addict will focus on maintaining their recovery program as well as implementing the tools they learned in treatment.


From what you wrote, you appear to fall more into the Preparation stage, even though you've taken some steps and are highly aware of your triggers. You've taken some action, but you're also displaying classic practices of what is often termed 'quasi-recovery'.

'Quasi-recovery', in a nutshell, means that you have made progress on your path but due to a lack of support, momentum, reinforcement by peers or a professional, added life stress, etc, you're falling into bad habits and not fully breaking off from your disordered behaviors.

For some people, they are able to balance a staged approach in recovery and 'go slow' with removal of triggers, etc. Others, like me, have to 'break it off' with all manner of triggers because if I have even the remote chance of testing my weight, weighing food, weighing myself, etc, it triggers me into wanting to control my food again.

I would urge you to consider what you already know on a more conscious level. Ask yourself:

1. How does this action serve me?

If weighing your food, weighing yourself, tracking macros, are all things you KNOW will hurt your progress, then it's obvious: you need to stop. Throw away your scales and measuring cups, don't buy more, remove your tracking apps, just stop. Stop looking as your stomach, body, 'problem areas' in the mirror... just anything YOU KNOW is the ED pushing you and not your true self.

You need to treat these actions much like a cancer, a disease, or a foreign person talking in your ear, because that is, truly, what is going on. In your mind, there is no longer just you: you're sharing headspace with an ED alongside your true self. You need to push the ED out, so only you remain.

Don't feed it. Every action you do which YOU know is triggering, feeds the ED. Starve it out... do what you gotta do.

2. What will my reaction be, depending on the outcome?

If you're having trouble resisting, ask yourself "if my weight goes up, or my stomach looks puffy for some reason, what will I do as a result"? If you find yourself KNOWING that a slight increase in weight, or not being able to weigh food, track your calories, etc, will be a trigger, then identify that AHEAD OF TIME. Don't wait until after... use your experience and your knowledge (which you clearly have), so tackle this stuff right then and there, and do something else.

Anything you even think MIGHT trigger you to continue the bad behaviors needs to stop.

3. How else can I behave, or what else can I do RIGHT NOW instead of this triggering action?

If you find yourself trying to open or re-download MyFitnessPal, for example, then be MINDFUL of that right then and there. What purpose does that serve? How will knowing your food intake actually benefit you? Does anyone else actually care? Will it make your life better?

Truly, take several minutes to ponder the outcomes. Think CRITICALLY about why you make your choices. Your ED is going to push you to jump to action without thinking. The ED is basic, quick, and forceful, but it's not 'smart'. You need to use your critical mind to focus on the big picture. Ask yourself the important questions, challenge yourself, be OK with being UNCOMFORTABLE, and you'll win over the ED.


Like I said, it's great you've found what is so triggering to you, so it's time to take action.

One quote I love is the following:

"You can't think your way to the right action, but you can act your way to the right way of thinking"

The take-home from this message is that, when you're in the midst of obsessions, addictions, and many forms of mental disorders, trying to 'outthink' the problem simply doesn't work. This disease has been ingrained into your process for a decade... you need to CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS and be OK with how you might feel mentally horrible in the process and your thoughts around food and your body will follow as a result.

So like I said, take action: ACT by not logging foods. ACT by taking a deep breath and doing something else instead of engaging in your triggering actions. ACT by choosing to be around friends and eat out at places you don't know the nutrition for instead of making the same things all the time because they're safe.

Good luck man.

Bro i can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this out, really i wasn't expecting such a detailed response. I totally agree with you that i'm past contemplation, i'm at the point where I've had enough of my destructive behaviours and i'm ready to tackle this in 2018 as it's gone on long enough, i know i have a problem. One big worry i have is that if i stop counting calories, scanning barcodes, weighing my food, tracking my intake will i know if i am eating enough? Because in all this obsessive weighing my food I have managed to gain a considerable amount of weight, and if i begin pouring my cereal without weighing, drizzling the mayo on my sandwich will i know i've eaten enough calories?

It's probably a silly question. As a way of lessening the anxiety, what do you think about maybe doing it in a more gradual sense and not track say 1 of my meals then progressing from there?

[AdamWW]

Bro i can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this out, really i wasn't expecting such a detailed response. I totally agree with you that i'm past contemplation, i'm at the point where I've had enough of my destructive behaviours and i'm ready to tackle this in 2018 as it's gone on long enough, i know i have a problem. One big worry i have is that if i stop counting calories, scanning barcodes, weighing my food, tracking my intake will i know if i am eating enough? Because in all this obsessive weighing my food I have managed to gain a considerable amount of weight, and if i begin pouring my cereal without weighing, drizzling the mayo on my sandwich will i know i've eaten enough calories?

It's probably a silly question. As a way of lessening the anxiety, what do you think about maybe doing it in a more gradual sense and not track say 1 of my meals then progressing from there?

I think a gradual approach is fine if you can continue to see progress. You just need to be very, very honest with yourself if you notice issues and work every day to fight them.

[Grappa]

^ If u ll going to learn how YOUR OWN body handles food again, this ll be no problem, i bet u ll find a way to eat enough. I have stopped counting my food 3 days after i have started my recovery, and I was able to put on a respectable amount of necessary weight and i can maintain now a healthy weight again without any affort and without giving any fk about what i eat. ( Yes i am not eating chicken rice + broc... I finally eat like a normal person does. ) Btw beautiful post about addiction + ED!! Keep in mind, if u have an ED, u have a tendency for addiction issues, the more i have learned about myself + anorexia, i have realised, that my problem never was FOOD. Instead as brutal as it sounds staying food deprived, and feeling that constant hunger "high" all day, what brings you to a a calm dark place. But with every addiction, it has a price. Your friends, your social life, and your LIFE.

[Dudebro91]

^ If u ll going to learn how YOUR OWN body handles food again, this ll be no problem, i bet u ll find a way to eat enough. I have stopped counting my food 3 days after i have started my recovery, and I was able to put on a respectable amount of necessary weight and i can maintain now a healthy weight again without any affort and without giving any fk about what i eat. ( Yes i am not eating chicken rice + broc... I finally eat like a normal person does. ) Btw beautiful post about addiction + ED!! Keep in mind, if u have an ED, u have a tendency for addiction issues, the more i have learned about myself + anorexia, i have realised, that my problem never was FOOD. Instead as brutal as it sounds staying food deprived, and feeling that constant hunger "high" all day, what brings you to a a calm dark place. But with every addiction, it has a price. Your friends, your social life, and your LIFE.

There must be so much freedom in not counting food and just eating what the fk you want. I lost a pound this week due to higher stress levels and a bit of undereating. I'm going to do my best to stop counting everything I eat and just focus on eating like a normal person. In the world of fitness and bodybuilding the word 'macros' is thrown in your face on every other fitness video it's hard to ignore it.

Appreciate you making this post, I needed to get back on track this week and start gaining again.

[AdamWW]

There must be so much freedom in not counting food and just eating what the fk you want. I lost a pound this week due to higher stress levels and a bit of undereating. I'm going to do my best to stop counting everything I eat and just focus on eating like a normal person. In the world of fitness and bodybuilding the word 'macros' is thrown in your face on every other fitness video it's hard to ignore it.

Appreciate you making this post, I needed to get back on track this week and start gaining again.

we all have that freedom, you included.

[AdamWW]

It's national eating disorders awareness week.

wishing everyone progress on their journey

[Dudebro91]

It's national eating disorders awareness week.

wishing everyone progress on their journey

And you man, became a little more adventurous with my food this week and gained a pound. I put that down to the food variety and giving my body something different!

[clk99]

Hey all. Don't know how many of you would remember me as I've been inactive since June 2017, but as it's National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I wanted to stop by and share how much I've transformed in recovery since then. I'm honestly in tears looking back at how far I've come, and hopefully this will help people out there realize there's such a meaningful life to be found beyond an eating disorder.

To sum it up, I feel like I've kicked my ED in the butt. I was always convinced I'd never reach this state, but here I am. I've actually hit a point where I truly feel recovered - mentally, physically, emotionally...it's been several months since I've relapsed and I don't feel like a prisoner to my ED anymore. My mind doesn't default to calculating the calories in every single thing anymore. I don't force myself to work out when I'm too tired, nor is exercising the #1 priority in my life. I don't weigh myself, constantly mirror check, care at all what my weight is, or try to manage my weight as a coping mechanism for depression in the past. I don't starve myself all day to justify eating hearty portions at dinner.

This means so much to me. Starving your body and your mind, especially for a prolonged amount of time, will cause you to be fixated on food 24/7. I had anorexia athletica, in which I not only ate at clinical levels of starvation but exercised intensely on top of that to burn additional calories. I could feel my body and my hormones shutting down due to starvation and for awhile, I literally felt like I was in the body of an 80 year old man (I am 18 years old). My face was sunken in and I had so much fatigue, that some days it took all within me to simply get out of a chair. I deprived myself so much that I all I thought about was food, exercise, and how to arrange my life around these priorities. This led me into extreme social isolation which was probably the most painful aspect of my ED.

Then I found that life is so much more than this. I began by addressing the real underlying issues that caused me to develop an ED as a coping mechanism to make me feel "in control". My faith in God also played a huge role in handling these personal issues. Then I considered the things that are truly important in life. Spending time with family is far more important than compelling myself to go cycling for 2 hours. Having meaningful friendships is worth so much more than controlling my calorie intake. Making career decisions take priority far above stressing over whether to eat a cookie. Recovering has allowed my mind to push these things in front of my eating disorder, and it's been years since I've felt this free. I've been able to select a major and got accepted into university. I've been able to spend more time with those close to me and make memories. I've been able to stop isolating literally all the time and have even been able to make friends. This means the world to me, and it's so strange and horrifying now to think that once upon a time, being anorexic was what meant the world to me.

I still eat generally healthy, but don't restrict myself from eating what I want to eat, whenever I want it. I've regained about all the weight I lost from my ED (15-25 lbs) and even more strength than I had before. It actually excites me that I'm growing out of my clothes, which was once a huge fear of mine. In healthy moderation, I work out because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. I look stronger, feel stronger, and most importantly, I AM HAPPY. MY SELF-WORTH AND VALUE IN LIFE IS NOT DEPENDENT ON WHAT I EAT, HOW I PERFORM, OR HOW I LOOK.

Yes, I know how freaking addictive it is to be in that state of extreme starvation. I know how hard it is to gain weight, "just eat", or to stop exercising. It's an incredible step that you simply have to step out in faith and take. The more freedom you allow your deprived body+mind, the farther you travel down the path of recovery. Recovery is so worth it. Feeling like a normal, free person again is absolutely amazing. Not being addicted to abusing my own body is incredible. Having meaningful relationships and living outward instead of being trapped focusing inward is so satisfying. My heart goes out to you guys and girls who've recovered or are seeking recovery, if you have any questions or need support don't hesitate to ask me. Recovery is possible. <3

[DocTristan]

To make a long story short I’ve suffered from anorexia for many years (10+) before deciding to “recover”. I go through periods of relapsing/ wanting to be thin or wanting to be muscular (which are the stereotypical two most desirable body types in the gay community). I’m currently finding myself in a mindset of eating “clean” (3000 calories) but having to workout and even feel compulsed to take steroids to almost justify why I’m eating such amounts...and to get some “perfect” body type in efforts of not being physically rejected by someone.

I’m finding myself unable to stop the steroids alongside unable to indulge in “unhealthy” foods without the need to purge them—which I am able to do just by flexing my stomach muscles in a certain manner

Any advice?

[Dudebro91]

I'm really struggling with the whole lack of appetite. The hunger just isn't there anymore which makes it really quite difficult. How can i get it going again?

[Lucasxpogba]

I am 18 years old, male, play soccer regularly and also calisthenics. The last couple of months my hands have been getting a slightly orange-ish tone, I am always cold,no libido, I feel fatigued, I am recurrently constipated, fart a lot, and during the last 12 weeks, my gym numbers have stalled and have in general regressed, plus I have felt sore after (almost) every workout, something that never happened to me. The stall could be in part because I also resumed playing soccer after an injury without upping my calories accordingly, but I suspect the major cause is that I have been undereating.

Very importantly, I did some crash dieting mistakes back in november and december, consuming 1600 calories some days and even 800 calories once or twice, trying to get to 10% from 11% BF. To exacerbate the problem, I do intermittent fasting so perhaps I was undereating even when not dieting, before I tracked my maintenance calories. The 4 months before January I was eating around 2000 calories per day.

My stats: 65.5kg--145 lb, around 11% BF, 5´9´´

A couple of photos that I posted on the BF% forum back in November are attached... about 11% and still around that. I think I made a mistake by having such a low calorie intake at that % and with the lean mass I had; the TDEE calculators probably underestimated my cals.


I want to get back were I was; I suspect my T might be low bc of the recurrent hard conditions to which I have subjected my body, and this is now making it a lot harder to do anything in the gym, much less progress. Again, what I suspect.

I know this is going to come a bit inmature given this is my health, but I will be going my Senior year trip to Cancun and want to maintain my physique. Is there a way I can resolve my problem without gaining noticeable fat and maintain my "ok" physique? After the trip, I guess it would be fine if I gain the fat back in order to recover although ld still much rather not to.

So, what should I do to recover? What do you think I have? Is the fat gain necessary/unavoidable? Similar anecdotes anybody?





More in depth info here:
-Age: 18
-Height: 5 foot 9 inches
-Waist: 31 inches
-Weight: 145 lbs
-Facial and body hair: I got a slightly receding hairline on the sides of my forehead…Slightly–I am not bald. Hairy legs, especially below my knees, and not as hairy arms. My midsection has little to know hair; there is some in “trail to happiness” but not a lot, just enough to be noticed. I got some hair between-and-above my pecs and directly around my nipples. Hair on my eyebrows is thick and then fades, slightly.
-Describe where you carry fat and how it changed: Most of the little fat I carry is on the lower abdominal area. It is very little.
-Health conditions and symptoms [history]
I use glasses. I also have bradycardia, but I have played soccer since I was 12, and in that time I was able to a very solid aerobic and anaerobic base; and now, despite having a PCL grade II injury recovering for over 6 months, I am still “fit”, perhaps because of side aerobic and anaerobic work I can do, like swimming intervals and recently some jogging. I guess I have some degree of social anxiety and at some times I have felt depressed-like, not sure if enough to be called **depression (?)**but definitely asking myself what was the sense of live and getting to the answer that there was none. Also, constipated (I go three or 4 times a week) and a lot of farts–a lot-- and they odor is very unpleasant.
-Diet
I do intermittent fasting. I used to do fast for close to 18h for a year or so; last month I cut it to 16h because it is increasingly hard to get the +2000 calories in, on some ocassions 3k calories. I eat 0.82g/lb of protein per day, which amounts for about 115-120 for me. Main sources of protein include 6 whole eggs a day and 100-150g of any lean meat, which as of recently has been liver because of my anemic-like blood results. The rest of the protein comes in the grains and cereals I eat, plus in some fats I eat like peanut butter. Fat: I have about 0.5g/lb of bodyweight, so I shoot for at least 75g per day, but that has been the past month. I used to not do these and I am sure threre was a very long period of time, about a year, where my fat intake was often below 60g per day and several times less than 50g. Just want to especifically point that out. Also, I have noticed I do not eat too many saturated fats, most of the times less than 15g a day, and that was probably a lot less during the one year period I just mentioned where I did not consume too much fat overall. I do supplement with about 1.5 EPA/DHA. About carbs, I eat more than a kilogram of veggies a day; about 8-10 servings. I also have one or two servings of fruit a day, mostly guavas or apples. The rest of carbs are “natural” grains and legumes, some bread here and there, sometimes pasta, etc.

I have crash dieted with 1200, 1600, 1800, calories, and on some occasions thrown in 600-800 calorie days.

Training: I used to do 3 times a a week calisthenics full body routine. I now do 4 times a week push/pull, which is about the same volume. The full body routine took about 50 minutes and the push/pull takes a little more than half an hour. I used to play soccer (cardio) 4 or 5 times a week 2 hours per session, plus an additional light day were I just juggle the ball and do some skills, but I injured my PCL so I had to stop and started doing the only the skill work about 1 hour six times a week, now I am only doing 15 minutes of skill work six times a week to try discard (or confirm) it is overtraining.

I had morning wood sometimes. Currently, every day. I never had many wet dreams and I still do not.

People at school would sometimes touch my hand and tell me it was very cold…Was it the bradycardia? Was it the caloric intake? I do not know. Sometimes I felt cold, but a lot of times when they told me this I WAS NOT feeling cold at all and I would not say I felt cold when other people did not. Also, my hands are kind of reddish/gingerish and I did not notice but people did. Could this be something related to bradycardia and blood? Or perhaps the pigments in the veggies–carotenemia? That is about it.

Energy levels are low. I make an effort to be a bit more energetic at school. Afternoon, I often feel tired and sometimes sleepy.

-Difficulty gaining muscle/ muscle loss
It is hard to say I have difficulty gaining muscle because during last year, I simply was trying to get stronger slow and steady, plus I did the soccer cardio. But two months ago, I stalled on the amount of reps for ALL my calisthenics exercises and about a month ago I started regressing while feeling lots of muscle soreness after every workout. I have now reduced all volume to half, and sometimes it still get sore I do one or two extra reps.
-Weight gain (difficulty losing weight) Yes, on December when I last crash dieted, I lost 0.65kg overall during two weeks were I ate 1900 calories per day. I lost all that weight on the first week, on the second I only lost 0.02 kg. That is not a lot considering I was on a daily 700 calorie deficit.

Slept 6/6.5 hours for a very long time but current sleep between 7.5/8.5. Recently, I have started waking up in the middle if the night at 3 AM and then got back to sleep. I pee once or twice per night.

[Lucasxpogba]

Hey all. Don't know how many of you would remember me as I've been inactive since June 2017, but as it's National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I wanted to stop by and share how much I've transformed in recovery since then. I'm honestly in tears looking back at how far I've come, and hopefully this will help people out there realize there's such a meaningful life to be found beyond an eating disorder.

To sum it up, I feel like I've kicked my ED in the butt. I was always convinced I'd never reach this state, but here I am. I've actually hit a point where I truly feel recovered - mentally, physically, emotionally...it's been several months since I've relapsed and I don't feel like a prisoner to my ED anymore. My mind doesn't default to calculating the calories in every single thing anymore. I don't force myself to work out when I'm too tired, nor is exercising the #1 priority in my life. I don't weigh myself, constantly mirror check, care at all what my weight is, or try to manage my weight as a coping mechanism for depression in the past. I don't starve myself all day to justify eating hearty portions at dinner.

This means so much to me. Starving your body and your mind, especially for a prolonged amount of time, will cause you to be fixated on food 24/7. I had anorexia athletica, in which I not only ate at clinical levels of starvation but exercised intensely on top of that to burn additional calories. I could feel my body and my hormones shutting down due to starvation and for awhile, I literally felt like I was in the body of an 80 year old man (I am 18 years old). My face was sunken in and I had so much fatigue, that some days it took all within me to simply get out of a chair. I deprived myself so much that I all I thought about was food, exercise, and how to arrange my life around these priorities. This led me into extreme social isolation which was probably the most painful aspect of my ED.

Then I found that life is so much more than this. I began by addressing the real underlying issues that caused me to develop an ED as a coping mechanism to make me feel "in control". My faith in God also played a huge role in handling these personal issues. Then I considered the things that are truly important in life. Spending time with family is far more important than compelling myself to go cycling for 2 hours. Having meaningful friendships is worth so much more than controlling my calorie intake. Making career decisions take priority far above stressing over whether to eat a cookie. Recovering has allowed my mind to push these things in front of my eating disorder, and it's been years since I've felt this free. I've been able to select a major and got accepted into university. I've been able to spend more time with those close to me and make memories. I've been able to stop isolating literally all the time and have even been able to make friends. This means the world to me, and it's so strange and horrifying now to think that once upon a time, being anorexic was what meant the world to me.

I still eat generally healthy, but don't restrict myself from eating what I want to eat, whenever I want it. I've regained about all the weight I lost from my ED (15-25 lbs) and even more strength than I had before. It actually excites me that I'm growing out of my clothes, which was once a huge fear of mine. In healthy moderation, I work out because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. I look stronger, feel stronger, and most importantly, I AM HAPPY. MY SELF-WORTH AND VALUE IN LIFE IS NOT DEPENDENT ON WHAT I EAT, HOW I PERFORM, OR HOW I LOOK.

Yes, I know how freaking addictive it is to be in that state of extreme starvation. I know how hard it is to gain weight, "just eat", or to stop exercising. It's an incredible step that you simply have to step out in faith and take. The more freedom you allow your deprived body+mind, the farther you travel down the path of recovery. Recovery is so worth it. Feeling like a normal, free person again is absolutely amazing. Not being addicted to abusing my own body is incredible. Having meaningful relationships and living outward instead of being trapped focusing inward is so satisfying. My heart goes out to you guys and girls who've recovered or are seeking recovery, if you have any questions or need support don't hesitate to ask me. Recovery is possible. <3

CLK99, if you could take a look at my post and give me some advice I would REALLY appreciate it man; I have about tthe same age you had when you started to deal with your recovery and if I am not mistaken we have similar stats

[clk99]

CLK99, if you could take a look at my post and give me some advice I would REALLY appreciate it man; I have about tthe same age you had when you started to deal with your recovery and if I am not mistaken we have similar stats

All of these issues you’re having are a result of “crash dieting”. I went through all of the same things, and the science behind it is that in the case of starvation, the body will begin shut down other functions in order to prioritize survival. The body becomes focused on staying alive, so body temperature, sex drive, mental clarity, emotions, etc all become secondary.

I feel for you and your situation because my experience was very similar. I played soccer too and my performance was heavily affected by my ED, I could spend hours telling you how much it's affected me. To be brutally honest with you: you need to take a mental self-assessment and stop thinking the way you’re thinking if you want to recover. You’re trying to cut and lose weight, starve yourself for 16 hours a day, and fixate on bf % when you’re 18 years old and 145 lbs. Then you wonder why you’re always cold, have no sex drive, get depressed, and always feel fatigued.

By “crash dieting” you’ve placed your body in a calorie deficit. You’ll approach recovery when that deficit is restored, so you need to make up for the damage you’ve done by eating in a caloric surplus until you feel normal again. There’s no telling how long this will take for you, and it’ll be mentally and physically uncomfortable, but this is what you have to do in order to recover.

Reduce the amount of physical activity you’re doing because it’ll make it harder to recover. STOP INTERMITTENT FASTING. Of course you’re going to have digestive issues if you eat a day’s worth of food in 3 hours. Don’t track anything unless it’s for the purpose of making sure you’re eating /enough/. Consume as many calories as want whenever you want. Allow yourself to be free with your food choices and don’t restrict. I lived with low/no libido for months and didn’t regain it until I started doing this. Stop worrying about fat gain. It will be minimal because your body is in its prime stage for muscle growth and is still developing. Fat gain will likely be minimal, and I’ve gained 25 lbs since last year and look so much better, but that shouldn’t be your focus.

Instead of worrying about looking good for that trip, start looking forward to how much fun you’re going to have with other people. Being a healthy person is far more important and satisfying than being a fit person.

[Lucasxpogba]

All of these issues you’re having are a result of “crash dieting”. I went through all of the same things, and the science behind it is that in the case of starvation, the body will begin shut down other functions in order to prioritize survival. The body becomes focused on staying alive, so body temperature, sex drive, mental clarity, emotions, etc all become secondary.

I feel for you and your situation because my experience was very similar. I played soccer too and my performance was heavily affected by my ED, I could spend hours telling you how much it's affected me. To be brutally honest with you: you need to take a mental self-assessment and stop thinking the way you’re thinking if you want to recover. You’re trying to cut and lose weight, starve yourself for 16 hours a day, and fixate on bf % when you’re 18 years old and 145 lbs. Then you wonder why you’re always cold, have no sex drive, get depressed, and always feel fatigued.

By “crash dieting” you’ve placed your body in a calorie deficit. You’ll approach recovery when that deficit is restored, so you need to make up for the damage you’ve done by eating in a caloric surplus until you feel normal again. There’s no telling how long this will take for you, and it’ll be mentally and physically uncomfortable, but this is what you have to do in order to recover.

Reduce the amount of physical activity you’re doing because it’ll make it harder to recover. STOP INTERMITTENT FASTING. Of course you’re going to have digestive issues if you eat a day’s worth of food in 3 hours. Don’t track anything unless it’s for the purpose of making sure you’re eating /enough/. Consume as many calories as want whenever you want. Allow yourself to be free with your food choices and don’t restrict. I lived with low/no libido for months and didn’t regain it until I started doing this. Stop worrying about fat gain. It will be minimal because your body is in its prime stage for muscle growth and is still developing. Fat gain will likely be minimal, and I’ve gained 25 lbs since last year and look so much better, but that shouldn’t be your focus.

Instead of worrying about looking good for that trip, start looking forward to how much fun you’re going to have with other people. Being a healthy person is far more important and satisfying than being a fit person.

Damn. First of all, thanks man. Thanks a lot; I really mean it. I will do all of this and keep you guys posted. Also, I was wondering some things.

-So, ad libitum feeding from now on,whenever I want, with no I.F.? Is it not recommended to increase calories, say 100 cal per week until I feel normal again?
-No cardio or resistance training? Or can I keep like half the volume of those?
-Also, especifically, how was your recovery? ...
How long?
How did you eat?
Challenges during recovery?
What about your soccer?
How slowly (or rapidly) did you start to feel better?
Also, how did you come to the solution/identify the problem?
Were you also getting weaker and with bradycardia like me?
Orangish/yellowish hands? Or is that just because I eat plenty of veggies?

Man, anything you feel can help me get some peace of mind and/or that you wish you knew during your recovery is VERY appreciated. I know that is a load of questions, so really, thanks a lot.

Again, Ill keep you guys posted. So, day 1 is today. I know it will be hard to break the mental barrier, but just knowing I have to do the opposite to feel the opposite will be my constant cue to keep going.

[Lucasxpogba]

All of these issues you’re having are a result of “crash dieting”. I went through all of the same things, and the science behind it is that in the case of starvation, the body will begin shut down other functions in order to prioritize survival. The body becomes focused on staying alive, so body temperature, sex drive, mental clarity, emotions, etc all become secondary.

I feel for you and your situation because my experience was very similar. I played soccer too and my performance was heavily affected by my ED, I could spend hours telling you how much it's affected me. To be brutally honest with you: you need to take a mental self-assessment and stop thinking the way you’re thinking if you want to recover. You’re trying to cut and lose weight, starve yourself for 16 hours a day, and fixate on bf % when you’re 18 years old and 145 lbs. Then you wonder why you’re always cold, have no sex drive, get depressed, and always feel fatigued.

By “crash dieting” you’ve placed your body in a calorie deficit. You’ll approach recovery when that deficit is restored, so you need to make up for the damage you’ve done by eating in a caloric surplus until you feel normal again. There’s no telling how long this will take for you, and it’ll be mentally and physically uncomfortable, but this is what you have to do in order to recover.

Reduce the amount of physical activity you’re doing because it’ll make it harder to recover. STOP INTERMITTENT FASTING. Of course you’re going to have digestive issues if you eat a day’s worth of food in 3 hours. Don’t track anything unless it’s for the purpose of making sure you’re eating /enough/. Consume as many calories as want whenever you want. Allow yourself to be free with your food choices and don’t restrict. I lived with low/no libido for months and didn’t regain it until I started doing this. Stop worrying about fat gain. It will be minimal because your body is in its prime stage for muscle growth and is still developing. Fat gain will likely be minimal, and I’ve gained 25 lbs since last year and look so much better, but that shouldn’t be your focus.

Instead of worrying about looking good for that trip, start looking forward to how much fun you’re going to have with other people. Being a healthy person is far more important and satisfying than being a fit person.

Also, that Cancun last sentence really helped me put things in perspective. Thanks

[clk99]

Damn. First of all, thanks man. Thanks a lot; I really mean it. I will do all of this and keep you guys posted. Also, I was wondering some things.

-So, ad libitum feeding from now on,whenever I want, with no I.F.? Is it not recommended to increase calories, say 100 cal per week until I feel normal again?
-No cardio or resistance training? Or can I keep like half the volume of those?
-Also, especifically, how was your recovery? ...
How long?
How did you eat?
Challenges during recovery?
What about your soccer?
How slowly (or rapidly) did you start to feel better?
Also, how did you come to the solution/identify the problem?
Were you also getting weaker and with bradycardia like me?
Orangish/yellowish hands? Or is that just because I eat plenty of veggies?

Man, anything you feel can help me get some peace of mind and/or that you wish you knew during your recovery is VERY appreciated. I know that is a load of questions, so really, thanks a lot.

Again, Ill keep you guys posted. So, day 1 is today. I know it will be hard to break the mental barrier, but just knowing I have to do the opposite to feel the opposite will be my constant cue to keep going.

No problem. Just trying to pass on the impact others before me have made in my own steps to recovery.

1) Why are you actually intermittent fasting? Why did you ever start IF in the first place? From my own personal experience, it is much, much better to go by how you feel rather than what you read on the internet. Focus on hearty portions and consistent eating rather than calories.

2) How much cardio do you typically do per week, and why are you doing it? Strength training is fine in moderation, but don't overdo it. If you ease off the activity now and spend some time focusing on refeeding your body, recovery will come sooner and you'll find yourself performing better than ever. Additionally, if you've ever been obsessive about exercise in using it as a means of controlling your bf%, it should definitely be stopped until energy and a proper mindset are restored.

3) I'm hesitant to share a lot of details publicly because of how triggering the details of others can be for readers going through an eating disorder. Bear in mind that every person is different and no path to recovery is completely the same. I’ll be happy to share more of my experience with you if you’re just curious about my story, but don’t try and base your own recovery around what other people are doing because the requirements for each person can be very different.

If you want a general example, I had to start eating like normal people do - breakfast when I woke up, lunch, dinner, and bedtime snacks. Plenty of snacks in between meals too. You need all the calories you can get in refeeding, so dense foods like peanut butter have definitely helped me. Don't fill up on veggies. Remember, the sooner you restore your caloric deficit, the sooner you'll be recovered and feel great again. I didn't track my weight during this phase because weighing myself was a personal trigger for me, but if you don't have a problem with it then a good indicator you're close to the finish line is that you've regained whatever weight you lost by "crash dieting". Refeeding is extremely hard and uncomfortable at first, but after being consistent with it long enough I started feeling better. The amount of time it takes to get to that point depends on how long you "crash dieted", for you it will probably be much sooner than me but there's no exact answer for that.

The challenging part of recovery is going all in and putting aside your disordered fears (fat gain, eating too much, feeling out of control, falling out of routine). Recovery will rid you of these fears and allow you to live an enjoyable life that doesn't revolve around these things.

I came to the solution by analyzing my priorities in life and deciding whether I really wanted to live this way long-term. I was extremely weak, always cold, addicted to abusing my body through disordered behaviors, depressed, and isolated myself from other people. I asked myself, "is this really worth it?" I too would cut for events like that trip you're going to and built up so much anxiety over it that I drove myself to do terrible, disordered things to my body. It made me so miserable and by the time the pool party or whatever came up, I quickly realized it wasn't worth all the effort I made at all. I wish I realized this sooner in life because I could have avoided doing a ton of damage. I also wish I started trying to gain weight sooner because I look and feel so much better now. Living an enjoyable life and being free with your choices is so much better than being restrictive and obsessive. Enjoy life while you're still young and don't stress over little things like food and body image.

[AdamWW]

There's a ton of info being provided above, but I want to offer a simpler approach given what I've learned from my ED-specific therapy so far:

- Be honest with yourself

- Before you take any action related to food (timing, meal size, tracking, contemplating/planning meals, etc...) or exercise, ask yourself these questions and answer is honestly: "Why am I doing this?" "Will doing this serve ME better?" If not, if these things do not clearly benefit you, it is the ED, and you need to not do it.

- Focus 100% on how you genuinely feel. Emphasis on YOU... again, you have a sickness, the ED, which will try and convince you that buying into it's desires is the same as 'feeling good'. They aren't the same thing. Learn to know the difference between (1) doing what is easy/familiar/feels 'comfortable' and (2) what TRULY feels good to YOU (NOT the ED).

Cheers.

Question everything you do. Is it you? Or, is it ED? If you don't know 100%, challenge it. Start now.

[Lucasxpogba]

No problem. Just trying to pass on the impact others before me have made in my own steps to recovery.

1) Why are you actually intermittent fasting? Why did you ever start IF in the first place? From my own personal experience, it is much, much better to go by how you feel rather than what you read on the internet. Focus on hearty portions and consistent eating rather than calories.

2) How much cardio do you typically do per week, and why are you doing it? Strength training is fine in moderation, but don't overdo it. If you ease off the activity now and spend some time focusing on refeeding your body, recovery will come sooner and you'll find yourself performing better than ever. Additionally, if you've ever been obsessive about exercise in using it as a means of controlling your bf%, it should definitely be stopped until energy and a proper mindset are restored.

3) I'm hesitant to share a lot of details publicly because of how triggering the details of others can be for readers going through an eating disorder. Bear in mind that every person is different and no path to recovery is completely the same. I’ll be happy to share more of my experience with you if you’re just curious about my story, but don’t try and base your own recovery around what other people are doing because the requirements for each person can be very different.

If you want a general example, I had to start eating like normal people do - breakfast when I woke up, lunch, dinner, and bedtime snacks. Plenty of snacks in between meals too. You need all the calories you can get in refeeding, so dense foods like peanut butter have definitely helped me. Don't fill up on veggies. Remember, the sooner you restore your caloric deficit, the sooner you'll be recovered and feel great again. I didn't track my weight during this phase because weighing myself was a personal trigger for me, but if you don't have a problem with it then a good indicator you're close to the finish line is that you've regained whatever weight you lost by "crash dieting". Refeeding is extremely hard and uncomfortable at first, but after being consistent with it long enough I started feeling better. The amount of time it takes to get to that point depends on how long you "crash dieted", for you it will probably be much sooner than me but there's no exact answer for that.

The challenging part of recovery is going all in and putting aside your disordered fears (fat gain, eating too much, feeling out of control, falling out of routine). Recovery will rid you of these fears and allow you to live an enjoyable life that doesn't revolve around these things.

I came to the solution by analyzing my priorities in life and deciding whether I really wanted to live this way long-term. I was extremely weak, always cold, addicted to abusing my body through disordered behaviors, depressed, and isolated myself from other people. I asked myself, "is this really worth it?" I too would cut for events like that trip you're going to and built up so much anxiety over it that I drove myself to do terrible, disordered things to my body. It made me so miserable and by the time the pool party or whatever came up, I quickly realized it wasn't worth all the effort I made at all. I wish I realized this sooner in life because I could have avoided doing a ton of damage. I also wish I started trying to gain weight sooner because I look and feel so much better now. Living an enjoyable life and being free with your choices is so much better than being restrictive and obsessive. Enjoy life while you're still young and don't stress over little things like food and body image.

1) Some time ago, I wanted to cut and stop being skinny fat in the least amount of time as possible, as a hypocaloric state was not really helpful for soccer. So I gave IF'ing a go and discovered that I really did not miss breakfast. I really enjoyed the hearty meals during the cut, so after it, I continued with IF'ing, although with more calories. I noticed no adverse effects. I only noticed adverse effects when I reduced calories too much back in November/December, a year after starting IF'ing.

2) I used to do 1 hour of soccer technique 6 days a week; this is the closest thing I did to cardio, as I was injured of my PCL. Now, I am doing abou 20 minutes per day 6 days a week and 3 times per week I jog 2km, for about 8 minutes. Strength training is ring calisthenics; I do a push/pull 4 day-per-week routine. I am only doing half the volume I used to do: 4 sets of 4 reps@8rep max for each movement, there are two movements, so 4*4*2. During those days I also do 3-1min sets of abs (ab wheel, leg raises, dragon flags) and 1 set of 6 reps @8 rep max of legs (muscle group alterning between quads (pistol squat) and glute raises (one leg bridge) depending on the day, so each muscle group twice per week).

3) Gotcha. I am just curious about your specific case, so if you can DM me sharing your story, that would be very appreciated.

I will take a look at my weight a good time before my symptoms appeared and use that as an informal estimate of what I should reach. Again, thanks for stressing how important it is to put things in perspective; it is easy to think something is "good" and really be deceiving yourself about what actually makes you happy. Breaking my habits and eating more might be uncomfortable, but I will do my best to remind myself of what happy and good actually means. It will take a consistent effort, but you really show its doable.

Thanks again, don't forget to DM me...pretty curious about your specific story.

[Lucasxpogba]

There's a ton of info being provided above, but I want to offer a simpler approach given what I've learned from my ED-specific therapy so far:

- Be honest with yourself

- Before you take any action related to food (timing, meal size, tracking, contemplating/planning meals, etc...) or exercise, ask yourself these questions and answer is honestly: "Why am I doing this?" "Will doing this serve ME better?" If not, if these things do not clearly benefit you, it is the ED, and you need to not do it.

- Focus 100% on how you genuinely feel. Emphasis on YOU... again, you have a sickness, the ED, which will try and convince you that buying into it's desires is the same as 'feeling good'. They aren't the same thing. Learn to know the difference between (1) doing what is easy/familiar/feels 'comfortable' and (2) what TRULY feels good to YOU (NOT the ED).

Cheers.

Question everything you do. Is it you? Or, is it ED? If you don't know 100%, challenge it. Start now.

Thank you. I feel this "socratic" approach of asking questions will take me a long way. Like you said, asking whether it is my habit and/or my ED of it is being happy what is actually leading me to take certain decisions. I will act accordingly to what I answer. Again, the premise being my honesty.

Thanks a lot man

[truckerfit]

After you realized you have or had an ED. How much time it took to feel normal again?
Despite the fat gain,(am around 20% BF now)
I still feel super hungry and I eat a lot of food maybe to much...
I feel like I have developed an addiction to food along the way of recovery. I'm dealing more with bulemia behaviours(lots of veggies, lots of sodium, lots of water, lots of artificial sweetners,400-500mg of caffeine daily)like you see on fitness youtube video.
I feel like I have to keep control of my hunger and eating everything that I want will lead into obesity.
I feel cold after I eat but it's mostly because the meal are to big probably and because I drink to much cold water.
The fear of gaining fat is still present, If I eat a lots of calories I'll want to move.
I feel like it's a never ending process.
I'm eating around 2500-3000 daily right now. no precise macros target.(I'm 5.5 at 162pound.)
I still want to track just not to eat 10 000 calories everyday.
It's frustrating to see the habits, to see the fear.
Eating like a normal human is harder than ever.
I feel like I have to eat all the time,or drink, or chew gum, or being busy etc.

Anyone have experienced this?

[AdamWW]

After you realized you have or had an ED. How much time it took to feel normal again?
Despite the fat gain,(am around 20% BF now)
I still feel super hungry and I eat a lot of food maybe to much...
I feel like I have developed an addiction to food along the way of recovery. I'm dealing more with bulemia behaviours(lots of veggies, lots of sodium, lots of water, lots of artificial sweetners,400-500mg of caffeine daily)like you see on fitness youtube video.
I feel like I have to keep control of my hunger and eating everything that I want will lead into obesity.
I feel cold after I eat but it's mostly because the meal are to big probably and because I drink to much cold water.
The fear of gaining fat is still present, If I eat a lots of calories I'll want to move.
I feel like it's a never ending process.
I'm eating around 2500-3000 daily right now. no precise macros target.(I'm 5.5 at 162pound.)
I still want to track just not to eat 10 000 calories everyday.
It's frustrating to see the habits, to see the fear.
Eating like a normal human is harder than ever.
I feel like I have to eat all the time,or drink, or chew gum, or being busy etc.

Anyone have experienced this?

You're hungry all the time because you're still focused on food, which can happen for many reasons. You're still putting food on a pedestal, thinking of methods to control intake (artificial sweeteners, caffeine, etc), so even though you feel 'weight-restored' or 'body-restored', your mind is still super-focused on controlling your body and the food that fuels it.

You probably won't see much success unless you address the reasons WHY you want to control your habits.

Realizing you have an ED isn't enough: you need to address it, fix it, learn to change your habits... you can try on your own, if you want, or you need therapy. Again, simply KNOWING you have an ED is not enough.

[truckerfit]

You're hungry all the time because you're still focused on food, which can happen for many reasons. You're still putting food on a pedestal, thinking of methods to control intake (artificial sweeteners, caffeine, etc), so even though you feel 'weight-restored' or 'body-restored', your mind is still super-focused on controlling your body and the food that fuels it.

You probably won't see much success unless you address the reasons WHY you want to control your habits.



Realizing you have an ED isn't enough: you need to address it, fix it, learn to change your habits... you can try on your own, if you want, or you need therapy. Again, simply KNOWING you have an ED is not enough.

Thanks for your reply!

I know I need to change those habits and I'm working on it!I'm currently seeing a therapist.
I realize that caffeine,sodium,big meal,artificial sweetners are my antidepressant.
When I decide to go without them for a long time I feel a deep sadness into me. I want to cry for nothing. I believe that my past years with dieting really screw my brain chemistry and it might take forever before I start to feel normal again.

Anyone else feel the same?

[AdamWW]

Thanks for your reply!

I know I need to change those habits and I'm working on it!I'm currently seeing a therapist.
I realize that caffeine,sodium,big meal,artificial sweetners are my antidepressant.
When I decide to go without them for a long time I feel a deep sadness into me. I want to cry for nothing. I believe that my past years with dieting really screw my brain chemistry and it might take forever before I start to feel normal again.

Anyone else feel the same?

Of course people feel similar.

ED's are extremely difficult... you're trying to let go of something that has taken control of your life. It's hard. We know it.

But you NEED to focus on cutting out these habits and following the advice of your therapist.

[truckerfit]

Of course people feel similar.

ED's are extremely difficult... you're trying to let go of something that has taken control of your life. It's hard. We know it.

But you NEED to focus on cutting out these habits and following the advice of your therapist.

Thanks for replying, My story is quite unique in his own way and it's been almost 6 year of dieting/binging. I don't think I'll ever be 100% ED Free. I can see on youtube,most people who were anorexic are now making a living out of eating challenge/fitness related stuff.
I hope I'll get better gradually overtime but it's gonna be a lonnnng process for sure.
Thanks for your support!

[AdamWW]

Thanks for replying, My story is quite unique in his own way and it's been almost 6 year of dieting/binging. I don't think I'll ever be 100% ED Free. I can see on youtube,most people who were anorexic are now making a living out of eating challenge/fitness related stuff.
I hope I'll get better gradually overtime but it's gonna be a lonnnng process for sure.
Thanks for your support!

First of all, I don't think 'most' people who were anorexic do food challenges in general. period.

Second, I only know of two people who do food challenges on youtube who have admitted to or acknowledged it. So i'm not sure where you're getting this from.

Finally, if you have a binging issue, why are you watching food challenges? That's not a good idea.

Everyone's ED story is unique... we're all different... I've had an ED for 14 years... and it's extremely complex. Getting caught up in the details will get you nowhere...

One quote I really relate to is this:

"You cannot think your way to the right actions, but you can act your way into the right thinking"

In other words, you need to do more to ACT and BEHAVE in the way you want, and stop over-thinking every detail. The issue it seems is that you have all these methods and vices through which you control things, and that is what's keeping your mind focused on it.

Change your actions, change your environment, remove the problems, and your mind can follow.

Also, stop comparing yourself to people online... they are a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the population and their story is not yours.

[sickafool]

hello would like some advice my problem is try to be active as possible to keep calories high because i like to eat. I always try to move around or find ways to burn calories. I dont like sitting down fear im not burning. any way to overcome this mentality so i can take a rest day or even start hobbies thanks

[truckerfit]

First of all, I don't think 'most' people who were anorexic do food challenges in general. period.

Second, I only know of two people who do food challenges on youtube who have admitted to or acknowledged it. So i'm not sure where you're getting this from.

Finally, if you have a binging issue, why are you watching food challenges? That's not a good idea.

Everyone's ED story is unique... we're all different... I've had an ED for 14 years... and it's extremely complex. Getting caught up in the details will get you nowhere...

One quote I really relate to is this:

"You cannot think your way to the right actions, but you can act your way into the right thinking"

In other words, you need to do more to ACT and BEHAVE in the way you want, and stop over-thinking every detail. The issue it seems is that you have all these methods and vices through which you control things, and that is what's keeping your mind focused on it.

Change your actions, change your environment, remove the problems, and your mind can follow.

Also, stop comparing yourself to people online... they are a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the population and their story is not yours.

Yeah you're right man! I'm always overthinking which is exhausting. Changing my environment is a big one, I'm sure stop being in my house bored will help a lot. Loneliness is such a big part of the issue. I was a truck driver, always alone with my thought and my food. I'm currently switching job which I believe it's gonna help!
Thanks for your support. I'll do my best to have a positive mindset and not always focus on the ED.

[AdamWW]

Yeah you're right man! I'm always overthinking which is exhausting. Changing my environment is a big one, I'm sure stop being in my house bored will help a lot. Loneliness is such a big part of the issue. I was a truck driver, always alone with my thought and my food. I'm currently switching job which I believe it's gonna help!
Thanks for your support. I'll do my best to have a positive mindset and not always focus on the ED.

isolation and ED's go hand in hand. this is often due to fear of exposing your issues to others and also losing control.

I found that forcing myself into situation wherein I have no control, however hard it is, was critical in my progress.

Anything that removes your vices/triggers (relying solely on familiar foods, logging your foods, weighing your foods, etc,) is a good idea, and going out to eat socially, taking your concentration off of the numbers and onto what really matters - how you feel and the experiences you have - is extremely important.

I know it's hard, believe me I do, but you need to start somewhere.

[TomStrubbe]

Hello I'm new here, I'm 25 years old 1m 73 and weigh about 41 kg. Five years ago I started to track my food intake and got obsessed with calories and "healthy" clean eating, doing lots of cardio and weightlifting. I'm just so tired of the cycle that I'm into. Currently I'm still going to the gym, although I know that it's not healthy for me... I don't know what to do anymore ... I'm just so tired of everything. If I don't exercise I will restrict more, I'm just trapped. I just want to stop exercising and eating normal again. But I can't because I feel so powerful, never get sick ... so I don't deserve it to stop exercise...

[AdamWW]

Hello I'm new here, I'm 25 years old 1m 73 and weigh about 41 kg. Five years ago I started to track my food intake and got obsessed with calories and "healthy" clean eating, doing lots of cardio and weightlifting. I'm just so tired of the cycle that I'm into. Currently I'm still going to the gym, although I know that it's not healthy for me... I don't know what to do anymore ... I'm just so tired of everything. If I don't exercise I will restrict more, I'm just trapped. I just want to stop exercising and eating normal again. But I can't because I feel so powerful, never get sick ... so I don't deserve it to stop exercise...

You're telling me you're 173cm and 41kg?

Is that accurate?