Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[Strawng]

Literally describes what I went through exactly... even the exceptions with cereal and sushi ;-)

Well I spose no surprise there!

Honestly, if I had to pick a single favorite food, I think it'd have to be sushi. I think cereal might actually be my favorite "sweet" food, too. It's probably the most underrated food on the planet. It's extremely versatile and if you just switch brands or types, it remains familiar & nostalgic without ever getting old. I had cereal instead of my normal oatmeal for breakfast today and it was amazing, but I actually typically eat it as a dessert at least 3x per week.

[AdamWW]

Well I spose no surprise there!

Honestly, if I had to pick a single favorite food, I think it'd have to be sushi. I think cereal might actually be my favorite "sweet" food, too. It's probably the most underrated food on the planet. It's extremely versatile and if you just switch brands or types, it remains familiar & nostalgic without ever getting old. I had cereal instead of my normal oatmeal for breakfast today and it was amazing, but I actually typically eat it as a dessert at least 3x per week.

I would likely agree with sushi as my favorite... I mean it’s either that or some version of baked salmon with a sweet/tangy glaze, but because sushi encompasses such a wide variety of seafood items, it would probably win out.

On sweet items I have to say I’m torn because it’s so mood-dependent for me. If I want something more snacky or crunchy, it’s cereal hands-down.

However if I want something more chewy or decadent, things like chewy cookies, carrot cake, and the right kind of brownies or blondies hit the spot.

I maintain tho that in hot weather, my all time favorite meal is abundant sushi followed by self-serve froyo. I’m yet to find anything that satisfies me quite as much as that on a summer evening.

I recently rekindled my love of sweet bean buns too tho... oh man I missed those!

[Strawng]

I would likely agree with sushi as my favorite... I mean it’s either that or some version of baked salmon with a sweet/tangy glaze, but because sushi encompasses such a wide variety of seafood items, it would probably win out.

On sweet items I have to say I’m torn because it’s so mood-dependent for me. If I want something more snacky or crunchy, it’s cereal hands-down.

However if I want something more chewy or decadent, things like chewy cookies, carrot cake, and the right kind of brownies or blondies hit the spot.

I maintain tho that in hot weather, my all time favorite meal is abundant sushi followed by self-serve froyo. I’m yet to find anything that satisfies me quite as much as that on a summer evening.

I recently rekindled my love of sweet bean buns too tho... oh man I missed those!

WOW, I 100% agree on absolutely all points! If we ever hangout, I'd imagine deciding what to eat would never be a problem! The only thing is, I've actually never tried sweet bean buns. From their description, it sounds like I'm in for a treat when I do tho

[AdamWW]

WOW, I 100% agree on absolutely all points! If we ever hangout, I'd imagine deciding what to eat would never be a problem! The only thing is, I've actually never tried sweet bean buns. From their description, it sounds like I'm in for a treat when I do tho

Oh man they’re awesome, especially when made fresh and warm. You really should try them if you can find a place that has it.. pretty common at Asian groceries and a lot of Chinese spots too. Once the world gets back closer to normal I’m definitely doing a Cali trip... a food tour is in order.

[DustinTheHuss]

I was never a binger. I had anorexia, but I remember the people in the hospital saying that binging is most often caused by either real or intended restriction. This is to say that not only will restricting calories often inevitably result in a binge, even the mere idea that a certain food must be "made up for" with future "planned restriction" can trigger binging behavior. The body is a tricky thing, and it will fight you if you even think about withholding food from it past a point.

Speaking from my experiences with "extreme hunger" in my recovery, giving yourself full permission to eat without planning on restricting can really nip binging in the bud. I used to think that I could eat endless amounts of certain foods and be afraid of what would happen if I just let loose in my recovery. Well, I did let loose for a couple weeks and I haven't had any desire to really "binge" since then. I love desserts like chocolate chip cookies and carrot cake, but after a cookie or two or a nice slice, I never crave more. The only things I really ever sometimes eat a huge amount of are sushi, peanut butter, & maybe breakfast cereal. Still, I am in control the whole time I eat them & I digest them well, so no fuks given. I used to daydream about certain foods and the moment when I could finally eat them, but after letting myself have them without guilt, I now never crave anything more than say one or two donuts. Matter of fact, I remember daydreaming about donuts when I restricted, but I now find them too sickly sweet to have more than just one. Hell, I'll take my morning proatmeal over donuts any day of the week.

Yeah I've been to see nutritionists who specialize in intuitive eating where they say this happens to people. It pretty much happened to me for a few years and I stayed at a size I wasn't happy with, but it was smaller than where I am now.

I got myself really lean for a few years and then started binging like crazy, and gained all of my weight back. Yup, restriction = binging. Thus someone on here suggested that I increase my daily calories to avoid binging. I was eating 1600 per day and it's too low.

[Strawng]

Oh man they’re awesome, especially when made fresh and warm. You really should try them if you can find a place that has it.. pretty common at Asian groceries and a lot of Chinese spots too. Once the world gets back closer to normal I’m definitely doing a Cali trip... a food tour is in order.

I honestly can't believe I've never tried them. Asian food was a staple for me my whole life. I'm gonna pick some up tonight when I stop by the grocer.
Also, Hell yea! Let me know when. I can't wait for this chit to be over. I have high hopes in the vaccine. I'm always traveling & can't wait to get back at it. Speaking of, I've never been to Seattle...the end of this lockdown will definitely necessitate a trip out there for me!

[AdamWW]

I honestly can't believe I've never tried them. Asian food was a staple for me my whole life. I'm gonna pick some up tonight when I stop by the grocer.
Also, Hell yea! Let me know when. I can't wait for this chit to be over. I have high hopes in the vaccine. I'm always traveling & can't wait to get back at it. Speaking of, I've never been to Seattle...the end of this lockdown will definitely necessitate a trip out there for me!

Dude you’ll love them... for sure

Just make sure it’s a sweet red or black bean bun... and definitely heat it before trying it. It’s basically like a soft, slightly sweet dough with a sweet bean paste inside... if you get a good one it’s so awesome. Kind of like a fluffy/bready donut but without crazy sweet frosting or frying, and the inside is this perfect combination of sweet and starchy. Not quite a dessert, but not quite a savory snack.

[DustinTheHuss]

I didn't binge last night but I ate around 1800-1900 calories instead of 1600. I feel bad doing that, but it's better than binging up to 2500 calories, which makes no sense.

I know per my therapist that I have to stop counting calories. It's so ingrained in my brain to look at food and estimate the calories.

[HelixFuse]

Hi all,

this is really hard for me to post in here. But I think I may have a binge eating problem. Let me start to explain my run down of some history. (I know I have posted this before on my old thread) But thought it would be easier to post again.

Spoiler!

So 2019 February, I decided to lose weight, went from 11.7St to 8.6St in 5 months. (No Resistance Training) just cut calories way too low etc, not enough protein. August 2019, my parter of 8 years left me, and then I got some dumbbells, did some more working out.

September 2019, I started tracking calories, and getting the right amount of protein. But was very restrictive of Food choices. November 2019-January 2020. My food choices, and tracking went out the window.

February 2020 - March 2020. I decided to start lifting with dumbbells at home on a routine from the internet. March - July I made some good progress whilst tracking calories/macros. My bodyfat % changed a little bit for the 12 weeks.

Then, August 2020 - Now. If I have poor food choices in my inventory at home. I can't seem to 'moderate' the dose of the food, and consume until it has all gone.
Because in my head it says 'Once it's gone. I can get back to my normal routine tomorrow' This has gone on for months now. I try my best to keep the food out of the house; Biscuits/Chocolate. I even avoid going to my parents house to spend time with them, because deep down I know I will end up binge eating there.

I eat secretly at night, at home 11PM-Midnight and sometimes even consuming all the less nutritional choices in one hit, could be 1000 calories over, or even 12000+.

I feel that when I overeat like this, I feel like I have no self control, and it's like I am possessed by someone else to eat out of control, and then instantly regret what I have done...

Any helpful thoughts would be great. I am not sure what is triggering this mindset. I love food, but in the end it's going to undo all my hard work.

Thank you :-)

EDIT 1: I am not purging after either, and I seem to eat so bad it gets uncomfortable in my stomach. It's like I never know when I am full from food anymore...

[DustinTheHuss]

Hi all,

this is really hard for me to post in here. But I think I may have a binge eating problem. Let me start to explain my run down of some history. (I know I have posted this before on my old thread) But thought it would be easier to post again.

Spoiler!

So 2019 February, I decided to lose weight, went from 11.7St to 8.6St in 5 months. (No Resistance Training) just cut calories way too low etc, not enough protein. August 2019, my parter of 8 years left me, and then I got some dumbbells, did some more working out.

September 2019, I started tracking calories, and getting the right amount of protein. But was very restrictive of Food choices. November 2019-January 2020. My food choices, and tracking went out the window.

February 2020 - March 2020. I decided to start lifting with dumbbells at home on a routine from the internet. March - July I made some good progress whilst tracking calories/macros. My bodyfat % changed a little bit for the 12 weeks.

Then, August 2020 - Now. If I have poor food choices in my inventory at home. I can't seem to 'moderate' the dose of the food, and consume until it has all gone.
Because in my head it says 'Once it's gone. I can get back to my normal routine tomorrow' This has gone on for months now. I try my best to keep the food out of the house; Biscuits/Chocolate. I even avoid going to my parents house to spend time with them, because deep down I know I will end up binge eating there.

I eat secretly at night, at home 11PM-Midnight and sometimes even consuming all the less nutritional choices in one hit, could be 1000 calories over, or even 12000+.

I feel that when I overeat like this, I feel like I have no self control, and it's like I am possessed by someone else to eat out of control, and then instantly regret what I have done...

Any helpful thoughts would be great. I am not sure what is triggering this mindset. I love food, but in the end it's going to undo all my hard work.

Thank you :-)

EDIT 1: I am not purging after either, and I seem to eat so bad it gets uncomfortable in my stomach. It's like I never know when I am full from food anymore...

I totally get this as I struggle with binge eating, too. Sometimes I purge, but most of the time it's binge eating after losing around 25 lbs this year. I fear that I've regained most of it. It's very frustrating and I'm working with a therapist for one day at a time.

A lot of it is my restrictive eating, which has lead to this type of behavior. Thus I can't restrict anymore, which leads to weight gain, and then I want to restrict. It's a viscous cycle.

[HelixFuse]

I totally get this as I struggle with binge eating, too. Sometimes I purge, but most of the time it's binge eating after losing around 25 lbs this year. I fear that I've regained most of it. It's very frustrating and I'm working with a therapist for one day at a time.

A lot of it is my restrictive eating, which has lead to this type of behavior. Thus I can't restrict anymore, which leads to weight gain, and then I want to restrict. It's a viscous cycle.

I hear you man. From research I have done over the coarse of the past couple of weeks. Is that our brain has been rewired to this restrictive dieting for so long. Which of course if our own fault down the line of restricting the poorer choices of foods. Therefore, our 'Animal Brain' has decided to snap back and make us stable again, but what this part of the brain doesn't understand is the body composition implications of doing this.

Me going forward is this: I am deleting MyFitnessPal, and unfollowing most of online Nutrition, Bodybuilding, and Dieting content that tells me how I should be eating etc. I need to get my brain out of this 'Diet Mentallity'. I am going to be sticking to my Meal timings the best I can, but sort of take the approach of listening to my body and retuning my Brain. It's going to be a long process. But with some consistency, I know I can do it.

If it's deep down Emotional Eating when stressed: This may be something bigger. I need to find myself again!

I plan to keep working out as usual. At the moment we are home bound thanks to Gym Closures. I am hitting Weights 5 Days a week, and 1 Day of HIIT Cardio. If I can follow the exercise to feel good and motivated vs. Fat Loss/Muscle Building/Looking good. It might retune my brain.

I am probably barking up the wrong tree, but I have to try something.

Wish me luck.

[DustinTheHuss]

I hear you man. From research I have done over the coarse of the past couple of weeks. Is that our brain has been rewired to this restrictive dieting for so long. Which of course if our own fault down the line of restricting the poorer choices of foods. Therefore, our 'Animal Brain' has decided to snap back and make us stable again, but what this part of the brain doesn't understand is the body composition implications of doing this.

Me going forward is this: I am deleting MyFitnessPal, and unfollowing most of online Nutrition, Bodybuilding, and Dieting content that tells me how I should be eating etc. I need to get my brain out of this 'Diet Mentallity'. I am going to be sticking to my Meal timings the best I can, but sort of take the approach of listening to my body and retuning my Brain. It's going to be a long process. But with some consistency, I know I can do it.

If it's deep down Emotional Eating when stressed: This may be something bigger. I need to find myself again!

I plan to keep working out as usual. At the moment we are home bound thanks to Gym Closures. I am hitting Weights 5 Days a week, and 1 Day of HIIT Cardio. If I can follow the exercise to feel good and motivated vs. Fat Loss/Muscle Building/Looking good. It might retune my brain.

I am probably barking up the wrong tree, but I have to try something.

Wish me luck.

That's a very healthy way to approach it. I found MyFitnessPal to be very triggering and it would just result in weight loss and weight gain.

When I was ED free I went several years with following my nutritionist's plan of food servings instead of counting calories, and I did exercise more as I'm now on psych meds which make me very sleepy and probably slow my metabolism.

I don't seem to do emotional eating. My therapist thinks it's more of the restriction rebound.

It sounds like you are on the right path! If you need more help there are great professionals out there. It just took me awhile to find good ones.

[AdamWW]

I am hitting Weights 5 Days a week, and 1 Day of HIIT Cardio..

Why are you planning on doing HIIT if you're trying to not worry about fat and bodyweight?

[Strawng]

Why are you planning on doing HIIT if you're trying to not worry about fat and bodyweight?

This. Speaking from my own experience, even well int my recovery, HIIT destroyed my body. If you're gonna do cardio at all, just make it some light walking, cycling, or other low impact activity. You also do not need to lift 5 days per week unless you just really enjoy it, and whether or not you "really" enjoy exercise is so muddy for people with EDs.

[AdamWW]

This. Speaking from my own experience, even well int my recovery, HIIT destroyed my body. If you're gonna do cardio at all, just make it some light walking, cycling, or other low impact activity. You also do not need to lift 5 days per week unless you just really enjoy it, and whether or not you "really" enjoy exercise is so muddy for people with EDs.

I actually switched from using my bike to instead just doing meditation and ‘yoga’ in the morning... and when I say yoga, I basically mean laying on the floor and slowly stretching . While listening to a podcast or e-book

Recovery has been WAY better, and also I’m able to not waste calories

[Strawng]

I actually switched from using my bike to instead just doing meditation and ‘yoga’ in the morning... and when I say yoga, I basically mean laying on the floor and slowly stretching . While listening to a podcast or e-book

Recovery has been WAY better, and also I’m able to not waste calories

Hell yea! I actually did something similar (subbed morning walk for meditation) and I never looked back. Mental health gains thru the roof

[AdamWW]

Hell yea! I actually did something similar (subbed morning walk for meditation) and I never looked back. Mental health gains thru the roof

Not to mention my joints and overall connective tissue feels so much better.

Lifting has felt waaaaay more productive now because instead of just pumping my legs for an hour, I get to work out the kinks in my neck, hips, shoulders, all areas that were getting really tight from too much metabolic stress even if the cycling was low intensity.

[Strawng]

Not to mention my joints and overall connective tissue feels so much better.

Lifting has felt waaaaay more productive now because instead of just pumping my legs for an hour, I get to work out the kinks in my neck, hips, shoulders, all areas that were getting really tight from too much metabolic stress even if the cycling was low intensity.

Yea, it was the same for me. My lifts go so much better and I feel way better in general. Tbh, anything significant for cardio aside from walking will ruin my joints extremely fast. It's a bit of bad news for ED sufferers but I'll tell ya, even when you're years into recovery, cardio plus lifting heavy can really wreak havoc on your body. I was young when I went through my anorexia but my joints never were the same. I know many others who are in the same boat. I always have to limit my cardio, though I do walk and practice martial arts (carefully and nearly not as intense as I used to). Do you do any other forms of cardio?

[AdamWW]

Yea, it was the same for me. My lifts go so much better and I feel way better in general. Tbh, anything significant for cardio aside from walking will ruin my joints extremely fast. It's a bit of bad news for ED sufferers but I'll tell ya, even when you're years into recovery, cardio plus lifting heavy can really wreak havoc on your body. I was young when I went through my anorexia but my joints never were the same. I know many others who are in the same boat. I always have to limit my cardio, though I do walk and practice martial arts (carefully and nearly not as intense as I used to). Do you do any other forms of cardio?

Nope, zero 'cardio' in traditional forms anyway...

I do go on outdoor walks when the weather permits: fresh air, sunshine, seeing human beings (thanks COVID)... .

But for right now, I have no reason to intentionally get my heart rate jacked up... i'll save that effort for squats and overhead presses ;o)

That being said, GENERAL movement etc I do enjoy, such as golf when the weather is nice... and hiking, although it's been ages since I did it, was always something I enjoyed too.




I'm at a point in recovery where I think it's really critical I push the envelope as hard as I can... so no cardio, limiting my lifting session duration as much as I can, and only doing basic movement activities like walking or the yoga unless it's a social thing like golf. It's kind of that mid-point where I really feel like my mind is starting to pivot into the clear, and I wanna make 100% sure I don't regress so it sticks this time.

Getting used to the fat im putting on is actually much easier than I thought it would be... but the habit of reducing movement, thats actually been way harder.

[DustinTheHuss]

I think for me it's tough because I compete in soccer so I need that HIIT training to keep up.

It is hard on my body, so I started following TB12 methods for recovery, hydration and nutrition. He lists a lot more food than I'm comfortable eating. Sigh. But I need to for recovery.

It's tough because now my teenage daughter is becoming anorexic, and constantly tells me I'm too fat and that I looked better when I was deep in the ED. I tell her that she also told me she resents that I was always tired and dizzy then when I took her places. I'm trying to get her into therapy, as she's running 4 miles a day in the hills, lifts weights daily, and only eats one meal a day plus a croissant in the morning. She's probably consuming 800 calories a day whereas I'm closer to 2000. It's really frustrating to see her go down my path.....ugh.

[AdamWW]

I think for me it's tough because I compete in soccer so I need that HIIT training to keep up.

It is hard on my body, so I started following TB12 methods for recovery, hydration and nutrition. He lists a lot more food than I'm comfortable eating. Sigh. But I need to for recovery.

It's tough because now my teenage daughter is becoming anorexic, and constantly tells me I'm too fat and that I looked better when I was deep in the ED. I tell her that she also told me she resents that I was always tired and dizzy then when I took her places. I'm trying to get her into therapy, as she's running 4 miles a day in the hills, lifts weights daily, and only eats one meal a day plus a croissant in the morning. She's probably consuming 800 calories a day whereas I'm closer to 2000. It's really frustrating to see her go down my path.....ugh.

You both need professional help IMMEDIATELY... I’m serious. Do it now.

You’re both under eating, over training it seems, and I don’t see this ending well without intervention.

[egsiue]

Hey, I was scrolling through TikTok and I saw this girls page named Jen peach. She is severely anorexic (diagnosed), and has been for over 10 years. However she is now convinced she is “recovered” even though she has lost all the weight she had gained and currently looks about 75 lbs. additionally she is always promoting disordered eating habits on her page such as bringing her own food to Christmas dinner, then videotaping like ten videos of how much Low calorie dense food she is consuming in front of her family meanwhile they are already finished eating. She has a large number of followers and sells coaching and nutrition plans. This is outrageous, and she should not be giving nutritional advice until she is well recovered. I’m trying to get some people aware to report her page because she is harming herself as well as many others. I apologize if this post may be triggering to some of you, and I don’t resent this girl but I feel the hurtful comments she receives on a daily basis may be making her life harder than it already is, and I believe that she shouldn’t be influencing her disordered habits to her “clients”

[DustinTheHuss]

You both need professional help IMMEDIATELY... I’m serious. Do it now.

You’re both under eating, over training it seems, and I don’t see this ending well without intervention.

I see a therapist and psychiatrist and a nutritionist off and on. I just don't like how I look now as I keep regaining the weight I lose. So my therapist is frustrated as to how I'll restrict and then binge later.

I really want to get to that happy medium I was at in recovery where I wasn't happy with my size but I didn't dislike it, either. I don't want to go back to anorexia, though.

Hey, I was scrolling through TikTok and I saw this girls page named XXXXX. She is severely anorexic (diagnosed), and has been for over 10 years. However she is now convinced she is “recovered” even though she has lost all the weight she had gained and currently looks about 75 lbs. additionally she is always promoting disordered eating habits on her page such as bringing her own food to Christmas dinner, then videotaping like ten videos of how much Low calorie dense food she is consuming in front of her family meanwhile they are already finished eating. She has a large number of followers and sells coaching and nutrition plans. This is outrageous, and she should not be giving nutritional advice until she is well recovered. I’m trying to get some people aware to report her page because she is harming herself as well as many others. I apologize if this post may be triggering to some of you, and I don’t resent this girl but I feel the hurtful comments she receives on a daily basis may be making her life harder than it already is, and I believe that she shouldn’t be influencing her disordered habits to her “clients”

That's seriously messed up, but I would delete her name from your post, if you still can.

Some people can use this thread to get Pro-Ana or Pro-Mia ideas and visit her TikTok.

[Nephilim1969]

Hello!

I wanted to introduce myself first here on this forum, I was glad to see there was a section under eating disorders here on BB.com.
I am slowly recovering from Binge Eating disorder and had a history when I was younger with Bulimia. I have been sober from Drugs & Alcohol for almost 33 years now, however my eating disorder has dominated and destroyed my life far more than and of my drinking and getting high ever did.

However, without all of the drama within the last year I finally got to the bottom of many of the things that were driving me to destroy myself. With some great therapists and a number of really phenomenal books I started to get really present to the how’s and whys of things. I still struggle and I am still working hard though.

I have a long history of extreme dieting…again without all of the details it occurred to me about a month ago after doing some nutrition research…holy **** I think its possible I have not been eating enough…starving…binging..killing myself because I failed then starting over again.

I came to here to BB.Com and read allot of the posts and did some math and got my nutritional goals inline to what I should actually be eating and I have been doing really well. I also wanted to insert myself into a community of people that were positive and supportive of all the things that could be done. I am really looking forward to getting to know some of you and trading notes, mostly I am also looking forward to really taking care of myself for the first time in my life the right way and obtaining a level of health that I never though was obtainable for me.
If anyone is interested in any details let me know and I would be happy to post them!

[Omni]

I saw Adam updated his log today and I'm just checking in since it's been a year since my "cancer" diagnosis and what a year it's been. I posted this on another forum and felt it would be relevant to post it here.

I'm up to about 145lbs at 5'8! I'm turning 31 next month and just finished up my first ever program that I've followed. I put together a simple home gym (rack - with high and low pulley, barbell, weights/bumpers, 90lb power blocks). Ran 12 weeks of GZCLP and I'm very impressed with the results.

Haven't really worked out / attempted to gain in 10 years. Fell in to a bad obsession with body dysmorphia/anorexia and got down to 125 pounds. I was previously overweight (220-230lbs) in high school and dropped to about 175-185 until I was 21. Ended up getting back to 230 4 years ago and had bad back pain. Doctor recommended I lose weight to improve my back which ended up spiraling into a bad obsession.

Ended up with a 5RM of 285 Deadlift, 185 Bench, 235 Squat and 115 OHP. Looking forward to another 12 weeks of GZCLP. I pretty much do zero cardio but have a somewhat active job. I also do not track / weigh anything which has helped however I have noticed I do find myself questioning things sometimes before I have to tell myself, "WTF are you doing - it doesn't matter."

Overall, I'm excited to continue to gain weight. I have been diagnosed with pancytopenia (anemia) from malnourishment but my levels have slowly been improving since my last CBC test in early November. My main issue that I am mentalling struggling with hard is my testosterone / drive for life that I used to have. Last May, my testosterone was 115 ng/dL total and I just recently had it tested. It came back at 379 ng/dL and I am now in the "normal" range but still have ZERO libido / no motivation / energy that I used to have. Still wishful in hoping that the continued weight gain / proper nourishment will restore my libido before it destroys my relationship even further.

How is everyone's 2021 looking so far?

[AdamWW]

I saw Adam updated his log today and I'm just checking in since it's been a year since my "cancer" diagnosis and what a year it's been. I posted this on another forum and felt it would be relevant to post it here.

I'm up to about 145lbs at 5'8! I'm turning 31 next month and just finished up my first ever program that I've followed. I put together a simple home gym (rack - with high and low pulley, barbell, weights/bumpers, 90lb power blocks). Ran 12 weeks of GZCLP and I'm very impressed with the results.

Haven't really worked out / attempted to gain in 10 years. Fell in to a bad obsession with body dysmorphia/anorexia and got down to 125 pounds. I was previously overweight (220-230lbs) in high school and dropped to about 175-185 until I was 21. Ended up getting back to 230 4 years ago and had bad back pain. Doctor recommended I lose weight to improve my back which ended up spiraling into a bad obsession.

Ended up with a 5RM of 285 Deadlift, 185 Bench, 235 Squat and 115 OHP. Looking forward to another 12 weeks of GZCLP. I pretty much do zero cardio but have a somewhat active job. I also do not track / weigh anything which has helped however I have noticed I do find myself questioning things sometimes before I have to tell myself, "WTF are you doing - it doesn't matter."

Overall, I'm excited to continue to gain weight. I have been diagnosed with pancytopenia (anemia) from malnourishment but my levels have slowly been improving since my last CBC test in early November. My main issue that I am mentalling struggling with hard is my testosterone / drive for life that I used to have. Last May, my testosterone was 115 ng/dL total and I just recently had it tested. It came back at 379 ng/dL and I am now in the "normal" range but still have ZERO libido / no motivation / energy that I used to have. Still wishful in hoping that the continued weight gain / proper nourishment will restore my libido before it destroys my relationship even further.

How is everyone's 2021 looking so far?

That’s awesome man!

When it comes to recovering your hormones, it’s not always all at once.

In fact, you can actually have super low libido from a number of causes: poor thyroid function, low zinc levels, low estrogen levels, poor sleep... the list goes on.

As long as you continue improving, that’s all that matters.

My 2021 had a couple snags already, but I’m physically and mentally better than I’ve been in years... eating a lot, feeling stronger... just happy to be here

[DustinTheHuss]

I saw Adam updated his log today and I'm just checking in since it's been a year since my "cancer" diagnosis and what a year it's been. I posted this on another forum and felt it would be relevant to post it here.

I'm up to about 145lbs at 5'8! I'm turning 31 next month and just finished up my first ever program that I've followed. I put together a simple home gym (rack - with high and low pulley, barbell, weights/bumpers, 90lb power blocks). Ran 12 weeks of GZCLP and I'm very impressed with the results.

Haven't really worked out / attempted to gain in 10 years. Fell in to a bad obsession with body dysmorphia/anorexia and got down to 125 pounds. I was previously overweight (220-230lbs) in high school and dropped to about 175-185 until I was 21. Ended up getting back to 230 4 years ago and had bad back pain. Doctor recommended I lose weight to improve my back which ended up spiraling into a bad obsession.

Ended up with a 5RM of 285 Deadlift, 185 Bench, 235 Squat and 115 OHP. Looking forward to another 12 weeks of GZCLP. I pretty much do zero cardio but have a somewhat active job. I also do not track / weigh anything which has helped however I have noticed I do find myself questioning things sometimes before I have to tell myself, "WTF are you doing - it doesn't matter."

Overall, I'm excited to continue to gain weight. I have been diagnosed with pancytopenia (anemia) from malnourishment but my levels have slowly been improving since my last CBC test in early November. My main issue that I am mentalling struggling with hard is my testosterone / drive for life that I used to have. Last May, my testosterone was 115 ng/dL total and I just recently had it tested. It came back at 379 ng/dL and I am now in the "normal" range but still have ZERO libido / no motivation / energy that I used to have. Still wishful in hoping that the continued weight gain / proper nourishment will restore my libido before it destroys my relationship even further.

How is everyone's 2021 looking so far?

This sounds great for you. Keep up the good work.

I'm binge/purge free for 2021!!! I did my last binge New Years Eve.

[Omni]

That’s awesome man!

When it comes to recovering your hormones, it’s not always all at once.

In fact, you can actually have super low libido from a number of causes: poor thyroid function, low zinc levels, low estrogen levels, poor sleep... the list goes on.

As long as you continue improving, that’s all that matters.

My 2021 had a couple snags already, but I’m physically and mentally better than I’ve been in years... eating a lot, feeling stronger... just happy to be here

I've done numerous thyroid tests and they've all came back within normal ranges. I've taken ZMA at night for a month and didn't see much improvement. I get 7-9 hours of sleep every night and I live a pretty stress-free life besides not being able to provide for my s/o . I was referred to an endocrinologist and she is wanting me to continue gaining weigh before proceeding further. Hoping I start seeing more improvement in the next 6 months!

I'm with you on just happy to be here. Just found out I'm eligible to receive my first dose of the Covid vaccine (Moderna) and should be scheduled to receive it in a week or two. I'm a pretty big introvert so Covid hasn't been to big of a deal for me, but man, sometimes I sure do miss a good sit down breakfast/lunch/dinner. It's just not the same eating it out of a cardboard box (can't even have Styrofoam anymore as its banned here lol).

[Omni]

This sounds great for you. Keep up the good work.

I'm binge/purge free for 2021!!! I did my last binge New Years Eve.

That's good to hear! I'm hoping it was your New Years resolution and good work on sticking to it!

[DustinTheHuss]

That's good to hear! I'm hoping it was your New Years resolution and good work on sticking to it!

Yeah it was my New Years resolution! I had been mostly bulimia free for a couple of years, but then had a bad breakup in August and slid down that awful path again in the fall up until Dec. 31.

It's tough as I gained weight (and I'm not underweight by any means), but it's better than that hell. Plus I feared that I would lose my life or severely ruin my health/teeth due to it. I have a friend who has lost most of her teeth from bulimia. Ugh.