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  1. #2731
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DutchieM View Post
    how has evey one been doing? wishing all good pregression
    I'm good dude, how you doin?
    "When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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  2. #2732
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    Smile Seeking males to participate in online interviews - 50$ incentive

    Hi everyone,
    Sorry for posting something unrelated to the current discussion, but I could really use your help in recruiting more male participants for my research! I am a PhD candidate at Western Sydney University. For my PhD project, I am conducting online interviews via Zoom teleconferencing with males who currently have OR previously had either:
    a) eating/body image concerns;
    b) disordered eating;
    OR
    c) eating disorder or muscle dysmorphia diagnosis

    The topic of the interview is body image and participants will be asked questions about experience with their own body, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs about one's weight and shape. During the interview, participants do not have to use the Zoom video. The interview will last no more than one hour and you will be reimbursed with $50 AUD giftcard.

    This study has been approved by the University's ethics committee board. If you are under the age of 18, you will be given a parental information sheet and parental informed consent (in addition to participant information sheet and participant informed consent) which must be signed on-screen before participation.

    If you found yourself in participant description and are interested in helping me out, please email me on this address: 19957210(et)student.westernsydney.edu.au. Also, if you have any questions or doubts, don't hesitate to contact me.

    Thank you in advance!
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  3. #2733
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    We can get through it! God bless everyone
    My Daily Vlog - Hey guys, my name is HALK! I have been natural bodybuilding for 3.5 years! I love this sport and make unique daily fitness vlogs with advice and information! MY vlogs are short, sweet, funny and to the point! All I am asking for is a chance, this is my dream! God be with you all!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZh2xyIdf9o
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  4. #2734
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jwaza31 View Post
    Hi everyone,

    I have asked questions about nutrition before on the forum. I have determined that I believe I have orthorexia and may have had anorexia. I am a distance runner and have restored my weight to what it was at before I experienced my drastic weight loss, I'm not saying numbers because I don't want to trigger anyone or put anyone in danger. I eat very low calories still for my weight and activity levels and have disordered thoughts constantly. I have decided to go to a doctor that specializes in this sort of thing and I have my first appointment tomorrow. I will be doing outpatient recovery. Could anyone shed any light on what I could expect, I'm at a normal weight so I'm afraid they will make me gain more weight.

    Thanks
    A 'normal weight' isn't something you can define in your current state of mind. Stop thinking in terms of 'normal' and 'abnormal' and start thinking in terms of satisfying your mind and body's actual needs.

    From what I have heard, experiences with outpatient vary a lot.

    Eventually, though, you need to stop fearing weight gain... nobody can 'MAKE YOU' gain weight when you voluntarily enter treatment... it's something you need to do on your own.

    However, again, it's the fear about gaining weight that is the issue, not that a treatment team would try and make you do it.

    You're not thinking clearly, and that has to change.
    "When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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  5. #2735
    Registered User Razoro's Avatar
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    Suffering of some binge days (mostly healthy foods ,but overeating )

    Gained like 12 lbs in a week...how it's possible ???
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  6. #2736
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    Hello guys! so i came back to the gym around one month ago. i havent been feeling well, tired, no appetitte and disliking things like going to the gym and even things i usually enjoy eating. i think i started going to the gym weighting around 160 and im 6’ now last time i check i was around 159. is it more diet related? should i eat if not hungry? thank!
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  7. #2737
    Rebelling in my psychosis thegymbum's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    Hello guys! so i came back to the gym around one month ago. i havent been feeling well, tired, no appetitte and disliking things like going to the gym and even things i usually enjoy eating. i think i started going to the gym weighting around 160 and im 6’ now last time i check i was around 159. is it more diet related? should i eat if not hungry? thank!

    Just throwing this out there: please get a covid test as soon as you can, preferably before going to the gym again. I’ve found that a large percentage of patients who test positive present with symptoms similar to what you’re describing, yet don’t have any of the traditional symptoms such as a cough. Probably the most common symptom is loss of appetite, and fatigue is an issue with the vast majority of covid cases. Best to be safe and check into it!
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  8. #2738
    Rebelling in my psychosis thegymbum's Avatar
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    Just popping in for a quick catch up and hopefully a little relapse prevention. It’s been so long since I’ve been on these boards at all, especially in this forum. I doubt anyone remembers me since it’s been many years, though I look forward to meeting anyone new 🙂

    I’ve been in recovery from severe anorexia for a few years now, and finally took the leap from swearing I was “recovered” but maintaining a “happy medium”, still underweight BMI and overexercising like crazy, to finally getting to a healthy weight and being OK with it and cutting back on exercise. I held out for a while.

    Now for some reason the body image aspect has really flared up. I’ve done so much damage to my body that working out more and getting to peak leanness without losing weight/sacrificing recovery is out of the question, to its making it hard for me to accept being at a healthy weight. Wondering if anyone can relate to this? I’m sure I’m not alone. I would love to stick with the balance I had achieved, but with chronic injuries and damage from anorexia piled up high, it’s hard to train enough to be really fit at a healthy weight and it’s hard mentally......
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  9. #2739
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thegymbum View Post
    Just popping in for a quick catch up and hopefully a little relapse prevention. It’s been so long since I’ve been on these boards at all, especially in this forum. I doubt anyone remembers me since it’s been many years, though I look forward to meeting anyone new ������

    I’ve been in recovery from severe anorexia for a few years now, and finally took the leap from swearing I was “recovered” but maintaining a “happy medium”, still underweight BMI and overexercising like crazy, to finally getting to a healthy weight and being OK with it and cutting back on exercise. I held out for a while.

    Now for some reason the body image aspect has really flared up. I’ve done so much damage to my body that working out more and getting to peak leanness without losing weight/sacrificing recovery is out of the question, to its making it hard for me to accept being at a healthy weight. Wondering if anyone can relate to this? I’m sure I’m not alone. I would love to stick with the balance I had achieved, but with chronic injuries and damage from anorexia piled up high, it’s hard to train enough to be really fit at a healthy weight and it’s hard mentally......
    I definitely remember your Avi.

    This is certainly something I have struggled with before, but honestly now - after 15+ years dealing with this, I'm finally at a point where I am 90%+ done with it.

    I'm pretty much in a mindset now where I'm just dealing with the 'ghosts' of the habits I had before which become so routine, they're unconscious action: 'wondering' how many calories are in things (even if I don't care), having fleeting moments where I think to 'check my abs' in the mirror, or touch/rub on my stomach to see if I've gained fat, etc.

    My reaction to my body is totally different, but it's the actions that just take longer to rid myself of. It's like muscle-memory... just takes time.

    BUT, in terms of my assessment of my body... I feel almost entirely 'cured'.

    I think what largely 'fixed it' was thinking more broadly about my place in the world, even at a spiritual level. Much of my ED was a coping mechanism to find meaning, control, and power over my life. Even though it, ironically, took the power FROM me, the ED served as a distraction from a lot of things and ultimately it was like a chain pinning me to a lifestyle I could always fall back to for comfort; if I didn't succeed in life, at least I could succeed at being lean/thin/in control.

    But now I just see life differently altogether. I love training, but the pleasure I get from it is more visceral, and even more mental... not derived from a place of hate or scorn or shame for how I look.

    In fact, using that same spiritual leaning I mentioned before, I've been able to really see my mind/identify as totally separate from my body...

    It's a bit of an Eastern spiritual thing, but now I truly see my body as just a vessel/vehicle for my mind. I have a brain, an identify, a 'soul' (if you wanna call it that), and my body is just this organic bundle of cells that shuttles it around. It's not 'good', 'bad', 'worse', 'better', at any particular size or weight... it's just a vessel that carries 'me' around.

    And so, if I'm not my body, it cannot dictate my worth... so, all I need to do, is treat my body in a way that will allow my MIND/SOUL to last and thrive for as long as possible.

    Sounds kind of woo-woo... but it's honestly how I think about it now. I just don't derive worth or meaning from how I look anymore.
    "When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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  10. #2740
    Registered User zatanoa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thegymbum View Post
    Just popping in for a quick catch up and hopefully a little relapse prevention. It’s been so long since I’ve been on these boards at all, especially in this forum. I doubt anyone remembers me since it’s been many years, though I look forward to meeting anyone new 🙂

    I’ve been in recovery from severe anorexia for a few years now, and finally took the leap from swearing I was “recovered” but maintaining a “happy medium”, still underweight BMI and overexercising like crazy, to finally getting to a healthy weight and being OK with it and cutting back on exercise. I held out for a while.

    Now for some reason the body image aspect has really flared up. I’ve done so much damage to my body that working out more and getting to peak leanness without losing weight/sacrificing recovery is out of the question, to its making it hard for me to accept being at a healthy weight. Wondering if anyone can relate to this? I’m sure I’m not alone. I would love to stick with the balance I had achieved, but with chronic injuries and damage from anorexia piled up high, it’s hard to train enough to be really fit at a healthy weight and it’s hard mentally......
    Hope you are good! Had to create a new account since I forgot password and emails on the old one
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  11. #2741
    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DutchieM View Post
    In fact, using that same spiritual leaning I mentioned before, I've been able to really see my mind/identify as totally separate from my body...

    It's a bit of an Eastern spiritual thing, but now I truly see my body as just a vessel/vehicle for my mind. I have a brain, an identify, a 'soul' (if you wanna call it that), and my body is just this organic bundle of cells that shuttles it around. It's not 'good', 'bad', 'worse', 'better', at any particular size or weight... it's just a vessel that carries 'me' around.

    And so, if I'm not my body, it cannot dictate my worth... so, all I need to do, is treat my body in a way that will allow my MIND/SOUL to last and thrive for as long as possible.

    Sounds kind of woo-woo... but it's honestly how I think about it now. I just don't derive worth or meaning from how I look anymore.
    I can count this exact mentality as the only reason I'm still alive. I was an atheist before, but I had a NDE during a suicidal period in the midst of my anorexia and the worst days of my drinking issues and I've never been the same since. After years of breathwork and meditation, I've come to identify more and more what exactly my 'soul' is and how it's a separate entity from my body or what I do and don't accomplish. I still struggle really hard sometimes, but never quite in the same way knowing what I know now. I haven't even considered suicide as an option since I've gained this new awareness, and I view any ED mentalities as ghosts from the past. I almost died during my birth because my mother was anorexic, and she never even admitted she had it...not even now. My father and sister also have EDs (bulimia: but only my sister is diagnosed). These things are deeply rooted, so I think the only way through it for me is to connect with the deepest part of myself that's separate from my "programming", so to speak. I don't think that just applies to me though. I believe anybody with an ED has a deep-seated sense of shame & some form of trauma that they need to heal from. People don't starve for no reason, and it's certainly not "just" social messages or the desire to be lean.
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  12. #2742
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    I can count this exact mentality as the only reason I'm still alive. I was an atheist before, but I had a NDE during a suicidal period in the midst of my anorexia and the worst days of my drinking issues and I've never been the same since. After years of breathwork and meditation, I've come to identify more and more what exactly my 'soul' is and how it's a separate entity from my body or what I do and don't accomplish. I still struggle really hard sometimes, but never quite in the same way knowing what I know now. I haven't even considered suicide as an option since I've gained this new awareness, and I view any ED mentalities as ghosts from the past. I almost died during my birth because my mother was anorexic, and she never even admitted she had it...not even now. My father and sister also have EDs (bulimia: but only my sister is diagnosed). These things are deeply rooted, so I think the only way through it for me is to connect with the deepest part of myself that's separate from my "programming", so to speak. I don't think that just applies to me though. I believe anybody with an ED has a deep-seated sense of shame & some form of trauma that they need to heal from. People don't starve for no reason, and it's certainly not "just" social messages or the desire to be lean.
    LOL wtf... why does the quote say "DutchieM" instead of my user name?


    I completely agree on the shame point tho... I also struggle with imposter syndrome and other self-deprecating beliefs to this day which I have to work hard to manage.
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  13. #2743
    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    LOL wtf... why does the quote say "DutchieM" instead of my user name?


    I completely agree on the shame point tho... I also struggle with imposter syndrome and other self-deprecating beliefs to this day which I have to work hard to manage.
    LOL, DutchieM?! I mean, wtf? hahaha

    Also, yes. I've found that sitting with my emotional sensations of shame makes me want to physically hurt myself. Recovery is about accepting the shame and not running from it. The starvation and exercise help us cope with shame because because physical pain blocks it out. The brain experiences physical pain and shame in the same region, and studies show that physical pain actually mitigates emotional pain from feelings of shame and guilt: https://www.scientificamerican.com/a...lessens-guilt/. Throw in the fact that ED behaviors in themselves (like all addictions) are shameful ways at coping with shame, and you've got yourself a self-feeding cycle that's a recipe for disaster...not to use too many food metaphors.
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  14. #2744
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    Originally Posted by thegymbum View Post
    Just throwing this out there: please get a covid test as soon as you can, preferably before going to the gym again. I’ve found that a large percentage of patients who test positive present with symptoms similar to what you’re describing, yet don’t have any of the traditional symptoms such as a cough. Probably the most common symptom is loss of appetite, and fatigue is an issue with the vast majority of covid cases. Best to be safe and check into it!
    thanks for replying!
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  15. #2745
    Registered User stevowrock's Avatar
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    ok guys. im losing weight because im not hungry. did you guys eat even if not hungry? does it mean it could be that im at a normal weight and my body is ok with what it got? im around 159 and 6’

    i do overthink a lot and that can impact my hunger i think
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  16. #2746
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    ok guys. im losing weight because im not hungry. did you guys eat even if not hungry? does it mean it could be that im at a normal weight and my body is ok with what it got? im around 159 and 6’

    i do overthink a lot and that can impact my hunger i think
    Do you have an eating disorder, or just low appetite?
    "When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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  17. #2747
    Registered User zatanoa's Avatar
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    1 full year and 9 days since the last time I binged and purged or overate over my plan

    Plenty of mistakes made but have learned so much as well, completely forgot this, time really flies when you have fun
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  18. #2748
    Registered User stevowrock's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Do you have an eating disorder, or just low appetite?
    both
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    both
    Then yes, before my normal hunger came back, I force fed
    "When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Then yes, before my normal hunger came back, I force fed
    thanks for replying!
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevowrock View Post
    thanks for replying!
    Just to be clear tho, I don’t mean purposefully making myself sick, I mean forcing myself to face uncomfortable decisions like eating simply based on cravings, random inkling of food thoughts, and even if I wasn’t hungry if I knew I didn’t have enough, I would ensure I got it in.
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    Originally Posted by thegymbum View Post
    Just popping in for a quick catch up and hopefully a little relapse prevention. It’s been so long since I’ve been on these boards at all, especially in this forum. I doubt anyone remembers me since it’s been many years, though I look forward to meeting anyone new

    I’ve been in recovery from severe anorexia for a few years now, and finally took the leap from swearing I was “recovered” but maintaining a “happy medium”, still underweight BMI and overexercising like crazy, to finally getting to a healthy weight and being OK with it and cutting back on exercise. I held out for a while.

    Now for some reason the body image aspect has really flared up. I’ve done so much damage to my body that working out more and getting to peak leanness without losing weight/sacrificing recovery is out of the question, to its making it hard for me to accept being at a healthy weight. Wondering if anyone can relate to this? I’m sure I’m not alone. I would love to stick with the balance I had achieved, but with chronic injuries and damage from anorexia piled up high, it’s hard to train enough to be really fit at a healthy weight and it’s hard mentally......
    I also remember you
    Listen, the damage what you do during an ED especially ana, is irreversible, both in males in females, s a female you risk that you ll ever gonna be able to bear a child, for us males, the risk is the same cuz we can **** up the testosterone levels in our body so much that we are unable to even get things up for our entire life. All i can say, "balance" is the viewpoint what you can identify as a person. Ana is all about control, your mind thrives about it, that is why calorie counting is a warm blanket for us. We will turn to this if we are triggered and not balanced. " Your body is the reflection of your soul" Best advice what i have gotten so far. And it is legit. I am not saying that fitness is not great or bs in any means. If you see that part of your life as an enhancement not a must, things will going to change in your mind. Cuz i know, the biggest battle you ll ever going to deal with is yourself, your mind yourn whole perspective on how you look, how should i be please other but this things are bs. You should count on yourself at any time. Hope this lines could bring some relief to you, and understand this problem exists only cuz u view the wolr in a perfectionist way. We are not perfect, we should not be perfect, mistakes can be made, and we can learn a lot from it
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  23. #2753
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    hey my name is Alex , am from Scotland ,i have a restrictive eating disorder and had BED my weight is high because of the BED , but in the last year or so i have became restricting 1000 a day and , i have a very high BMI due to BED , i have to lose weight because am hopefully getting a few OPS that are quiet invasive , i have came to a point where id like to be healthy and not treat my body so badly as i have . i am waiting for therapy but am in the UK , and its through NHS that am being medically treated and there are waiting lists i cant afford to pay for my medical treatment but i have been more balanced of late. making sure am eating something even if its soup . i hoping to find way to lose weight and be healthy at the same time
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  24. #2754
    Registered User zatanoa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Alexftmuk View Post
    hey my name is Alex , am from Scotland ,i have a restrictive eating disorder and had BED my weight is high because of the BED , but in the last year or so i have became restricting 1000 a day and , i have a very high BMI due to BED , i have to lose weight because am hopefully getting a few OPS that are quiet invasive , i have came to a point where id like to be healthy and not treat my body so badly as i have . i am waiting for therapy but am in the UK , and its through NHS that am being medically treated and there are waiting lists i cant afford to pay for my medical treatment but i have been more balanced of late. making sure am eating something even if its soup . i hoping to find way to lose weight and be healthy at the same time
    Hey there!

    Just wanted to come and say that weight loss, nor gain, should not be the focus when trying to improve from a serious mental disorder unless you are physically in danger due to your weight and / or health

    My advice is; get rid of toxic habits at your own pace and start improving first and foremost mental health and physical health after that
    Last edited by zatanoa; 11-29-2020 at 11:13 AM.
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zatanoa View Post
    Hey there!

    Just wanted to come and say that weight loss, nor gain, should not be the focus when trying to improve from a serious mental disorder unless you are physically in danger due to your weight

    My advice is; get rid of toxic habits at your own pace and start improving first and foremost mental health and physical health after that
    That’s actually not accurate.

    In severe cases of malnourishment from anorexia, weight gain is 100% the primary goal. In fact, many of the mental hang ups around body image and restrictive desires can be resolved purely from increases in body weight...

    Longer term, when health is resolved, sure we can focus on habits... but weight is certainly a primary focus if not the main focus in the short term.
    "When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    That’s actually not accurate.

    In severe cases of malnourishment from anorexia, weight gain is 100% the primary goal. In fact, many of the mental hang ups around body image and restrictive desires can be resolved purely from increases in body weight...

    Longer term, when health is resolved, sure we can focus on habits... but weight is certainly a primary focus if not the main focus in the short term.
    Edited a bit

    See the part "unless you are physically in danger due to your weight and / or health"
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    managed to eat most of my meals waiting for dinner to come out , also making sure am having enough water , its 22.42 and am now just having dinner my other half cooks i am crap at cooking but i think i should start to cook at lest a few times a week , but i dont want to burn the house down either
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    Originally Posted by zatanoa View Post
    Edited a bit

    See the part "unless you are physically in danger due to your weight and / or health"
    That is true. I remember my ED psychiatrist said the physical comes before the mental healing. Sometimes the brain needs the nourishment to make the right choices.

    I made a better choice tonight and last night about binging. I'm working on breaking the restrict/binge cycle. I'll have good days and not-so-good days, but working with my therapist on changing. It's hard to increase my calories to prevent the binging late at night when I'm half asleep.

    Originally Posted by Alexftmuk View Post
    hey my name is Alex , am from Scotland ,i have a restrictive eating disorder and had BED my weight is high because of the BED , but in the last year or so i have became restricting 1000 a day and , i have a very high BMI due to BED , i have to lose weight because am hopefully getting a few OPS that are quiet invasive , i have came to a point where id like to be healthy and not treat my body so badly as i have . i am waiting for therapy but am in the UK , and its through NHS that am being medically treated and there are waiting lists i cant afford to pay for my medical treatment but i have been more balanced of late. making sure am eating something even if its soup . i hoping to find way to lose weight and be healthy at the same time
    Hey Alex, I feel where you're coming from in terms of restricting and BED. But restricting to 1000 a day will most likely lead to BED later, and thus cause your weight to increase. It's really hard to find that healthy balance.
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    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    That is true. I remember my ED psychiatrist said the physical comes before the mental healing. Sometimes the brain needs the nourishment to make the right choices.

    I made a better choice tonight and last night about binging. I'm working on breaking the restrict/binge cycle. I'll have good days and not-so-good days, but working with my therapist on changing. It's hard to increase my calories to prevent the binging late at night when I'm half asleep.



    Hey Alex, I feel where you're coming from in terms of restricting and BED. But restricting to 1000 a day will most likely lead to BED later, and thus cause your weight to increase. It's really hard to find that healthy balance.
    I was never a binger. I had anorexia, but I remember the people in the hospital saying that binging is most often caused by either real or intended restriction. This is to say that not only will restricting calories often inevitably result in a binge, even the mere idea that a certain food must be "made up for" with future "planned restriction" can trigger binging behavior. The body is a tricky thing, and it will fight you if you even think about withholding food from it past a point.

    Speaking from my experiences with "extreme hunger" in my recovery, giving yourself full permission to eat without planning on restricting can really nip binging in the bud. I used to think that I could eat endless amounts of certain foods and be afraid of what would happen if I just let loose in my recovery. Well, I did let loose for a couple weeks and I haven't had any desire to really "binge" since then. I love desserts like chocolate chip cookies and carrot cake, but after a cookie or two or a nice slice, I never crave more. The only things I really ever sometimes eat a huge amount of are sushi, peanut butter, & maybe breakfast cereal. Still, I am in control the whole time I eat them & I digest them well, so no fuks given. I used to daydream about certain foods and the moment when I could finally eat them, but after letting myself have them without guilt, I now never crave anything more than say one or two donuts. Matter of fact, I remember daydreaming about donuts when I restricted, but I now find them too sickly sweet to have more than just one. Hell, I'll take my morning proatmeal over donuts any day of the week.
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    I was never a binger. I had anorexia, but I remember the people in the hospital saying that binging is most often caused by either real or intended restriction. This is to say that not only will restricting calories often inevitably result in a binge, even the mere idea that a certain food must be "made up for" with future "planned restriction" can trigger binging behavior. The body is a tricky thing, and it will fight you if you even think about withholding food from it past a point.

    Speaking from my experiences with "extreme hunger" in my recovery, giving yourself full permission to eat without planning on restricting can really nip binging in the bud. I used to think that I could eat endless amounts of certain foods and be afraid of what would happen if I just let loose in my recovery. Well, I did let loose for a couple weeks and I haven't had any desire to really "binge" since then. I love desserts like chocolate chip cookies and carrot cake, but after a cookie or two or a nice slice, I never crave more. The only things I really ever sometimes eat a huge amount of are sushi, peanut butter, & maybe breakfast cereal. Still, I am in control the whole time I eat them & I digest them well, so no fuks given. I used to daydream about certain foods and the moment when I could finally eat them, but after letting myself have them without guilt, I now never crave anything more than say one or two donuts. Matter of fact, I remember daydreaming about donuts when I restricted, but I now find them too sickly sweet to have more than just one. Hell, I'll take my morning proatmeal over donuts any day of the week.
    Literally describes what I went through exactly... even the exceptions with cereal and sushi ;-)
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