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  1. #2581
    Registered User REXIEthedino's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    A ‘healthy’ weight means:

    The weight you can maintain with zero restrictions on food intake, and without using exercise to ‘control’ it.

    It also means a weight where hormones, blood chemistry, sleep, and energy are optimized.

    Essentially, it’s the weight you’d be at if you took zero action to try to control or manipulate your body’s appearance or weight through food or exercise control.

    However, when you come from an ED, that weight takes a long time to reach, and I know I’m not there yet because I don’t have all those details taken care of.

    It's difficult because we live in a culture where being "shredded" or "jacked" or "fit" is put on a pedestal and we have all these kcal trackers and fitness apps and youtubers like Kinobody who make their living out of selling a false idea that having razor sharp abs makes you happy or having a "chiseled" fase means you are attractive.

    Also, are you able to enjoy the holidays without thinking about kcal and weight gain? Because i can't.. Holidays like Christmas and New Year are anxiety inducing for me.
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  2. #2582
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    It's difficult because we live in a culture where being "shredded" or "jacked" or "fit" is put on a pedestal and we have all these kcal trackers and fitness apps and youtubers like Kinobody who make their living out of selling a false idea that having razor sharp abs makes you happy or having a "chiseled" fase means you are attractive.

    Also, are you able to enjoy the holidays without thinking about kcal and weight gain? Because i can't.. Holidays like Christmas and New Year are anxiety inducing for me.
    See what you did there? You both identified something as ‘false’ and gave it credit in the same paragraph.

    You’re saying you KNOW it’s a false assessment of value to be shredded and yet you’re expressing how difficult it is not to obsess over it. That’s the issue.

    So here’s what I would ask: why would you watch fitness YouTubers and intake all of this narcissistic crap when you know all it does is feed your disorder? You need to cut that out of your life. And, you need to do that with everything you do which is a negative influence on your thinking.

    And yes, I’m at a point know where I genuinely love the holidays and eating all the things around it.

    I’ve seen how much better freedom feels, and I’d rather be happy than be shredded.

    I could literally die any day... I’m not willing to risk not having all the great experiences life has to offer just to have an extra vein on my lower abs.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  3. #2583
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    A ‘healthy’ weight means:

    The weight you can maintain with zero restrictions on food intake, and without using exercise to ‘control’ it.

    It also means a weight where hormones, blood chemistry, sleep, and energy are optimized.

    Essentially, it’s the weight you’d be at if you took zero action to try to control or manipulate your body’s appearance or weight through food or exercise control.

    However, when you come from an ED, that weight takes a long time to reach, and I know I’m not there yet because I don’t have all those details taken care of.
    i get you. two things tho, you said hormone imbalance can be caused in any weight and second, do you know about cortisol?
    Last edited by letsallmakeit; 12-25-2019 at 04:05 AM.
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  4. #2584
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    since we are talking about food and holidays. i ate dinner and noticed i had to poop right away, which is awesome because i don’t poop daily. it could even take days without pooping. seems like i need more of other foods fats!
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  5. #2585
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    i get you. two things tho, you said hormone imbalance can be caused in any weight and second, do you know about cortisol?
    What’s the question?
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  6. #2586
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    See what you did there? You both identified something as ‘false’ and gave it credit in the same paragraph.

    You’re saying you KNOW it’s a false assessment of value to be shredded and yet you’re expressing how difficult it is not to obsess over it. That’s the issue.

    So here’s what I would ask: why would you watch fitness YouTubers and intake all of this narcissistic crap when you know all it does is feed your disorder? You need to cut that out of your life. And, you need to do that with everything you do which is a negative influence on your thinking.

    And yes, I’m at a point know where I genuinely love the holidays and eating all the things around it.

    I’ve seen how much better freedom feels, and I’d rather be happy than be shredded.

    I could literally die any day... I’m not willing to risk not having all the great experiences life has to offer just to have an extra vein on my lower abs.
    But I have the feeling that I would eat myself into an overweight category. For example when I go to bed I always think about my breakfast/lunch and dinner the next day. So if I don't count my kcal and have a limit I would probably eat way more than my body needs. I'm also short so i don't really need that much food to gain weight.

    I have the feeling that my appetite doens't correlate with my TDEE. I always want more and when I look at friends or family they are satisfied with smaller portions or less food in general.
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  7. #2587
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    What’s the question?
    doctor checking cortisol levels because it has been high several times. i do have stress and anxiety. i know thats the reason. did you ever checked your cortisol?
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  8. #2588
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    But I have the feeling that I would eat myself into an overweight category. For example when I go to bed I always think about my breakfast/lunch and dinner the next day. So if I don't count my kcal and have a limit I would probably eat way more than my body needs. I'm also short so i don't really need that much food to gain weight.

    I have the feeling that my appetite doens't correlate with my TDEE. I always want more and when I look at friends or family they are satisfied with smaller portions or less food in general.
    What evidence do you have to support these ideas? Have you ever been fat in your life? Ever been obese? If not, where is that fear coming from?

    The fear is coming from the fact that you've TOLD yourself you can't trust your hunger. That happens because you've conditioned your mind to believe you are out of control. Ironically, you are the one not in control. Food is controlling you. This is what all those fitness channels you need to stop watching tell you... that you HAVE to track, control, restrict... is it really a mystery why you have this fear? Come on now...

    And frankly dude, which hypothetical outcome is worse: not being shredded, or living a life filled with regret regret because you chose to value leanness over experiences? Ask yourself the question... 'if nothing changed in my life in the next 10 years, would I be happy with where I am?' If not... then WTF ARE YOU DOING? Stop wasting the one life you have.

    You want more because you're restricting, that's a simple fact. We want what we can't have.

    You need to rewire these values systems before you wake a 45 year old man, with no family, still weighing out your broccoli and chicken breast.

    Who. Cares!???

    Nobody cares how lean you are... no one. Do you think if you managed to get a girl into the bedroom, she'd stop you and say, "wait wait... turn the lights on... if you aren't lean enough, this stops now"? LOL... obviously not. The things about you that attract people and rewards in life have NOTHING to do with your leanness.

    You won't be more successful or happy with being this way. Are you happy now? No? Then what's the point? You're literally shooting yourself in the foot for something that makes you miserable.

    Your friends and family are satisfied with more because they're not restricting, they're not overevercising, they're not leaner than their bodies want them to be... YOU ARE. If you want to be like them, then live like them.
    Last edited by AdamWW; 12-25-2019 at 09:55 AM.
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  9. #2589
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    doctor checking cortisol levels because it has been high several times. i do have stress and anxiety. i know thats the reason. did you ever checked your cortisol?
    Never checked.

    I don't really see the point... cortisol changes all the time.
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  10. #2590
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    got you. docs say it’s ok to keep exercising even with high cortisol. don’t remember if i mentioned weight training tho.
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  11. #2591
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    got you. docs say it’s ok to keep exercising even with high cortisol. don’t remember if i mentioned weight training tho.
    Well, if you're exercising, I hope you're not doing it to control your body composition or justify eating...
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  12. #2592
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Well, if you're exercising, I hope you're not doing it to control your body composition or justify eating...
    mostly asked endocrinologists and a psychologist. i’m improving the wanting to take control and just accepting and flowing. still get thoughts tho.
    Last edited by letsallmakeit; 12-25-2019 at 11:09 AM.
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  13. #2593
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    mostly asked endocrinologists and a psychologist. i’m improving the wanting to take control and just accepting and flowing. still get thoughts tho.
    Well good luck
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  14. #2594
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Well good luck
    thanks for replying!
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    What evidence do you have to support these ideas? Have you ever been fat in your life? Ever been obese? If not, where is that fear coming from?

    The fear is coming from the fact that you've TOLD yourself you can't trust your hunger. That happens because you've conditioned your mind to believe you are out of control. Ironically, you are the one not in control. Food is controlling you. This is what all those fitness channels you need to stop watching tell you... that you HAVE to track, control, restrict... is it really a mystery why you have this fear? Come on now...

    And frankly dude, which hypothetical outcome is worse: not being shredded, or living a life filled with regret regret because you chose to value leanness over experiences? Ask yourself the question... 'if nothing changed in my life in the next 10 years, would I be happy with where I am?' If not... then WTF ARE YOU DOING? Stop wasting the one life you have.

    You want more because you're restricting, that's a simple fact. We want what we can't have.

    You need to rewire these values systems before you wake a 45 year old man, with no family, still weighing out your broccoli and chicken breast.

    Who. Cares!???

    Nobody cares how lean you are... no one. Do you think if you managed to get a girl into the bedroom, she'd stop you and say, "wait wait... turn the lights on... if you aren't lean enough, this stops now"? LOL... obviously not. The things about you that attract people and rewards in life have NOTHING to do with your leanness.

    You won't be more successful or happy with being this way. Are you happy now? No? Then what's the point? You're literally shooting yourself in the foot for something that makes you miserable.

    Your friends and family are satisfied with more because they're not restricting, they're not overevercising, they're not leaner than their bodies want them to be... YOU ARE. If you want to be like them, then live like them.
    I was chubby as a kid an had a BMi around 25. I'm just afraid of binging my way back to where I came from.
    I also kind of conditioned myself that I will never have a girlfriend or a family because I have an eating disorder and that having a relationship with an eating disorder is a no no. I also feel like counting kcal is the only real skill I have and that I'm not good at anything else.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    What evidence do you have to support these ideas? Have you ever been fat in your life? Ever been obese? If not, where is that fear coming from?

    The fear is coming from the fact that you've TOLD yourself you can't trust your hunger. That happens because you've conditioned your mind to believe you are out of control. Ironically, you are the one not in control. Food is controlling you. This is what all those fitness channels you need to stop watching tell you... that you HAVE to track, control, restrict... is it really a mystery why you have this fear? Come on now...

    And frankly dude, which hypothetical outcome is worse: not being shredded, or living a life filled with regret regret because you chose to value leanness over experiences? Ask yourself the question... 'if nothing changed in my life in the next 10 years, would I be happy with where I am?' If not... then WTF ARE YOU DOING? Stop wasting the one life you have.

    You want more because you're restricting, that's a simple fact. We want what we can't have.

    You need to rewire these values systems before you wake a 45 year old man, with no family, still weighing out your broccoli and chicken breast.

    Who. Cares!???

    Nobody cares how lean you are... no one. Do you think if you managed to get a girl into the bedroom, she'd stop you and say, "wait wait... turn the lights on... if you aren't lean enough, this stops now"? LOL... obviously not. The things about you that attract people and rewards in life have NOTHING to do with your leanness.

    You won't be more successful or happy with being this way. Are you happy now? No? Then what's the point? You're literally shooting yourself in the foot for something that makes you miserable.

    Your friends and family are satisfied with more because they're not restricting, they're not overevercising, they're not leaner than their bodies want them to be... YOU ARE. If you want to be like them, then live like them.
    I was quite chubby as a kid and had a BMI of 25. I also kind of conditioned that I will never have a girlffriend or relationship/family due 2 my eating disorder. Counting kcal is the only skill in life I have.
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    I was quite chubby as a kid and had a BMI of 25. I also kind of conditioned that I will never have a girlffriend or relationship/family due 2 my eating disorder. Counting kcal is the only skill in life I have.
    I have the same history weight wise

    Were you happier then, or happier now?

    Did you have a better social life then, or now?

    Has being lean done anything at all to benefit you beyond satisfying an obsession?

    Also, do you really think that after years of training, etc, you’ll just magically forget how? Be reasonable.

    You’re not living, you’re suffering.

    What you've done is convince yourself that the ONLY way to avoid going back to your 'old self' is to massively obsess over every detail. But I'm willing to bet your lifestyle when you were higher in BF was completely different than it is now, right? I'm guessing you didn't used to lift, you had no idea what was in foods, etc... and now you've spent years tracking, and you're afraid somehow you'll magically just balloon up.

    Lemme ask you this: if someone else was in your situation, what would you tell THEM to do? Do you feel your lifestyle and relationship with food and training is sustainable or optimal? Most of us with ED's have a problem with following our own advice. I personally, while deeper in my ED, always scoffed at people obsessing over every gram of everything, and yet there I was doing the same thing every single day... very hypocritical right?

    Bottom-line, you're saying you have a 'skill' which is counting calories and macros. So, basically you can do basic addition and subtraction.... a 4th grader could do that... do you really consider that a skill?

    How about using your mental energy to do other things, other hobbies, etc? Obsessing over nutritional intake gets REALLY old really fast... like I said, you can't be impressed with being able to do basic addition and subtraction for very long... it just gets stale.

    Gotta let it go dude... just eat... enjoy life... you're gunna die some day. You really want this to be your legacy? You think you'll look back on this and feel good about it?
    Last edited by AdamWW; 12-26-2019 at 10:16 AM.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    I have the same history weight wise

    Were you happier then, or happier now?

    Did you have a better social life then, or now?

    Has being lean done anything at all to benefit you beyond satisfying an obsession?

    Also, do you really think that after years of training, etc, you’ll just magically forget how? Be reasonable.

    You’re not living, you’re suffering.

    What you've done is convince yourself that the ONLY way to avoid going back to your 'old self' is to massively obsess over every detail. But I'm willing to bet your lifestyle when you were higher in BF was completely different than it is now, right? I'm guessing you didn't used to lift, you had no idea what was in foods, etc... and now you've spent years tracking, and you're afraid somehow you'll magically just balloon up.

    Lemme ask you this: if someone else was in your situation, what would you tell THEM to do? Do you feel your lifestyle and relationship with food and training is sustainable or optimal? Most of us with ED's have a problem with following our own advice. I personally, while deeper in my ED, always scoffed at people obsessing over every gram of everything, and yet there I was doing the same thing every single day... very hypocritical right?

    Bottom-line, you're saying you have a 'skill' which is counting calories and macros. So, basically you can do basic addition and subtraction.... a 4th grader could do that... do you really consider that a skill?

    How about using your mental energy to do other things, other hobbies, etc? Obsessing over nutritional intake gets REALLY old really fast... like I said, you can't be impressed with being able to do basic addition and subtraction for very long... it just gets stale.

    Gotta let it go dude... just eat... enjoy life... you're gunna die some day. You really want this to be your legacy? You think you'll look back on this and feel good about it?
    .

    I never thought of it that way. I have 785 days on MFP so i kinda know now how it works i guess.. I indeed did not lift and mountain bike when I was chubby. I just ate whatever and didn't think about it. I did have more friends and a more active social life.. Maybe I can obsess over other things like my exams and my social life, or learn new things about something. How do you suddenly stop tracking kcal? I don't even know how I would stop? And what if i gain weight very fast or overeat massively?
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    .

    I never thought of it that way. I have 785 days on MFP so i kinda know now how it works i guess.. I indeed did not lift and mountain bike when I was chubby. I just ate whatever and didn't think about it. I did have more friends and a more active social life.. Maybe I can obsess over other things like my exams and my social life, or learn new things about something. How do you suddenly stop tracking kcal? I don't even know how I would stop? And what if i gain weight very fast or overeat massively?
    I know it might not seem like a silly question to you, by read that back to yourself:

    "How do I stop tracking kcals?".

    You know the answer. You just stop it.

    You use MFP... so stop it.

    Delete the app. Stop looking up foods, stop using a calculator...



    You're still looking at the micro-level issues vs the big picture here... the issue is that you are framing your value in life and your daily routine around food, tracking and leanness.

    In order to break these habits, you have to stop performing the actions. I don't know how else to say it.

    You already seem to realize all the things you do that are hurting you... so, stop doing them...

    Stop planning meals, stop obsessing, stop counting...

    I'm not saying you 100% have to drink liquid sugar and eat nothing but cookies... but if you have to go through a period of weight gain like I am to get your life back, then I think it's worth it.

    Eventually, things level out... it's not a big deal.
    Last edited by AdamWW; 12-26-2019 at 12:58 PM.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    I know it might not seem like a silly question to you, by read that back to yourself:

    "How do I stop tracking kcals?".

    You know the answer. You just stop it.

    You use MFP... so stop it.

    Delete the app. Stop looking up foods, stop using a calculator...



    You're still looking at the micro-level issues vs the big picture here... the issue is that you are framing your value in life and your daily routine around food, tracking and leanness.

    In order to break these habits, you have to stop performing the actions. I don't know how else to say it.

    You already seem to realize all the things you do that are hurting you... so, stop doing them...

    Stop planning meals, stop obsessing, stop counting...

    I'm not saying you 100% have to drink liquid sugar and eat nothing but cookies... but if you have to go through a period of weight gain like I am to get your life back, then I think it's worth it.

    Eventually, things level out... it's not a big deal.

    I also have these OCD thougths and behaviours constantly and I don't know how to stop them. They just go round in loops and they don't stop. I also hate it when I sit and I can feel my stomach make these rolls or when I can feel fat on my cheekbones or chin. I also want to try out new foods but I often eat the same things because I know they fill me up the most so I just eat the same foods most of the time.

    How do you deal with stepcounters and fitbits? I have a stepcounter on my phone and it really bothers me so much. I always feel the need to stay active and hit at least 12000 steps.
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    I also have these OCD thougths and behaviours constantly and I don't know how to stop them. They just go round in loops and they don't stop. I also hate it when I sit and I can feel my stomach make these rolls or when I can feel fat on my cheekbones or chin. I also want to try out new foods but I often eat the same things because I know they fill me up the most so I just eat the same foods most of the time.

    How do you deal with stepcounters and fitbits? I have a stepcounter on my phone and it really bothers me so much. I always feel the need to stay active and hit at least 12000 steps.
    Again, step counters, etc, will do nothing but make you obsess more.

    But then you already knew that. Throw away your fitbit. Stop looking at your step count... STOP all the obsessive movement..

    Look man, you already know what you need to do, you're just asking for permission.... it's how it goes.

    I'm telling you right now, it's only going to get worse if you don't fix it.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Again, step counters, etc, will do nothing but make you obsess more.

    But then you already knew that. Throw away your fitbit. Stop looking at your step count... STOP all the obsessive movement..

    Look man, you already know what you need to do, you're just asking for permission.... it's how it goes.

    I'm telling you right now, it's only going to get worse if you don't fix it.
    How do you stop doing all the obsessive things then? And if i stop doing all those things will I get back to my former self? And what behaviour is considered disordered and what normal?
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    How do you stop doing all the obsessive things then? And if i stop doing all those things will I get back to my former self? And what behaviour is considered disordered and what normal?
    Bro... come on... do you hear yourself?

    How could I or anyone know where you'll end up 6months or a year from now?

    If you spend your time worrying about where you'll end up, you'll never be able to enjoy where you are now.

    One thing I can tell you, if you DON'T stop doing what you've been doing, then you'll regret every day you spent stuck where you are.

    So, why not be brave and bold and just cut the crap and start living? What do you have to lose? Abs that nobody ever sees or cares about? Sleepless nights thinking about what you'll allow yourself to eat the next day?

    Tell me, when was the last time you woke up, said "today I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much I want"?

    I've done that for the past 2 months... and you know what, I've learned that as much as I love food, once you stop caring about it, you start to love other things WAY more.




    And you ask how to stop doing obsessive things? Well... I already told you:

    - Delete MFP, stop counting
    - Throw out your food scale... stop weighing food
    - Stop looking at nutritional labels
    - Stop choosing only the lowest calorie or healthiest option
    - Stop planning your meals
    - Stop checking the menus and nutrition of restaurants before you go out
    - Stop exercising to 'make up for' what you eat

    I don't know how else to spell it for you.

    Trust me, YOU KNOW what is obsessive... come on. Be honest...

    If anything you're doing is about controlling the food in any way, or doing something because you think it'll help maintain your leanness or weight in any way... obviously that is not something you should do.

    Stop weighing yourself, your food... all of this nonsense that doesn't serve you.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    @REXIEthedino


    Ultimately I can only tell you what has been working for me and what has worked for thousands of other people.

    Like I said before, I spoke to a professional and still consult with her from time to time.

    She offers 1x1 remote coaching (via FaceTime or Skype) in 30min or 60min sessions.

    If you have the resources to do that, I HIGHLY recommend it...

    You can send her an email here:

    https://tabithafarrar.com/eating-dis...arrar/contact/



    If you're unable to do that, she also wrote a GREAT book which covers her recovery methods and experience, and I read it cover-to-cover... it blew my mind how much of what I did was in that book. It's available on Amazon:

    https://www.amazon.com/Rehabilitate-...s%2C209&sr=8-2






    Like I said, only you can fix this... you have to make the decision you want to change vs spiral down this rabbit hole.

    I do recommend actually booking a session with her AND getting the book and reading the whole thing... but only if you're able.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    @REXIEthedino


    Ultimately I can only tell you what has been working for me and what has worked for thousands of other people.

    Like I said before, I spoke to a professional and still consult with her from time to time.

    She offers 1x1 remote coaching (via FaceTime or Skype) in 30min or 60min sessions.

    If you have the resources to do that, I HIGHLY recommend it...

    You can send her an email here:




    If you're unable to do that, she also wrote a GREAT book which covers her recovery methods and experience, and I read it cover-to-cover... it blew my mind how much of what I did was in that book. It's available on Amazon:








    Like I said, only you can fix this... you have to make the decision you want to change vs spiral down this rabbit hole.

    I do recommend actually booking a session with her AND getting the book and reading the whole thing... but only if you're able.
    I think I saw some of her stuff on youtube. I'm going to read the book for sure.
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    Can Relate... Good Advice

    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Bro... come on... do you hear yourself?

    How could I or anyone know where you'll end up 6months or a year from now?

    If you spend your time worrying about where you'll end up, you'll never be able to enjoy where you are now.

    One thing I can tell you, if you DON'T stop doing what you've been doing, then you'll regret every day you spent stuck where you are.

    So, why not be brave and bold and just cut the crap and start living? What do you have to lose? Abs that nobody ever sees or cares about? Sleepless nights thinking about what you'll allow yourself to eat the next day?

    Tell me, when was the last time you woke up, said "today I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much I want"?

    I've done that for the past 2 months... and you know what, I've learned that as much as I love food, once you stop caring about it, you start to love other things WAY more.




    And you ask how to stop doing obsessive things? Well... I already told you:

    - Delete MFP, stop counting
    - Throw out your food scale... stop weighing food
    - Stop looking at nutritional labels
    - Stop choosing only the lowest calorie or healthiest option
    - Stop planning your meals
    - Stop checking the menus and nutrition of restaurants before you go out
    - Stop exercising to 'make up for' what you eat

    I don't know how else to spell it for you.

    Trust me, YOU KNOW what is obsessive... come on. Be honest...

    If anything you're doing is about controlling the food in any way, or doing something because you think it'll help maintain your leanness or weight in any way... obviously that is not something you should do.

    Stop weighing yourself, your food... all of this nonsense that doesn't serve you.
    This is definitely good advice and I can totally relate. Went on a super hard and uninformed cut that ruined my relationship with my family in certain aspects. I've found the more I let go the easier life is in general and that my healthy habits do most of the work for me. Ironically, the more I just let things chill and not work about optimum nutrient ratios and calories, the closer I get to my gym goals and the better my workouts are. Get rid of the stress... It destroys the muscle growth and healthy habits you are trying to achieve.
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    I think I saw some of her stuff on youtube. I'm going to read the book for sure.
    Sounds good to me.

    And look, I know right now it seems like an insurmountable journey, but believe me you CAN change it.

    You probably have a list a mile long of all the things you do that are disordered... I could write a 200 page essay about all the habits I'm having to fix, and I still discover new ones all the time... some of my primary disordered actions:

    - Watching 'what I eat' and 'cheat day'/challenge videos on YouTube
    - Looking at food 'poorn' but never actually eating the food
    - Planning out entire days on MFP the day or days prior
    - Weighing all my food to the gram
    - Checking menus and nutrition before I went out to eat
    - Hoarding calories or 'fun' foods for the end of the day (when I knew I had less time before bed to over-eat)
    - Being obsessed about only having the healthiest or lowest calorie options
    - Abusing vegetables and high-volume/low-calorie foods in order to 'fill up' before eating any kind of carb or fat
    - Compensating for eating by having to either move extra or eat less the next day or days
    - Comparing my food intake to other people online and wishing I was able to eat 3 times more like they could
    - Having to stick to meal times and certain combinations of foods I knew would make me FULL even if I didn't enjoy them very much
    - Over-consuming coffee as it helped silence my hunger
    - Fasting for as long as possible even if it meant feeling foggy, dizzy, and lightheaded
    - Restricting up until events like birthdays, reunions, etc, because I wanted to be able to act as though I was normal when I was there, even if I starved myself before and after
    - Only eating 'diet' versions of foods: ice cream, juice, milk, yogurt, etc..
    - ALWAYS searching for the lowest calorie items on menus and then trying to convince myself and other I actually "liked it more" - when I didn't
    - Literally 'building sandwiches' in my head while I lay in bed trying to sleep because I was fantasizing about all the stuff I never got to enjoy
    - Watching people eating on YouTube while I eat to somehow vicariously enjoy their experience while I eat bland boring crap
    - Throwing away excess food, especially if it wasn't the absolutely healthiest option, to avoid 'tempting' myself into eating it.
    - Always planning and packing foods before trips so I never had to eat anything from a gas station, etc, that might not 'fit my macros' perfectly
    - Compulsive lower-level movement like: trying to stand as much as possible and not sit, pacing around my house to get my steps in, losing sleep so I could wake up early to get in my quota of activity...
    - Avoiding eating before bed so I could make sure my morning weigh in was AS LOW AS POSSIBLE so I could be OK eating a little more the next day.



    I could go on for hours... but you get the idea... there are SO MANY tiny, tiny things I never even realized were an issue... but they are/were...
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Sounds good to me.

    And look, I know right now it seems like an insurmountable journey, but believe me you CAN change it.

    You probably have a list a mile long of all the things you do that are disordered... I could write a 200 page essay about all the habits I'm having to fix, and I still discover new ones all the time... some of my primary disordered actions:

    - Watching 'what I eat' and 'cheat day'/challenge videos on YouTube
    - Looking at food 'poorn' but never actually eating the food
    - Planning out entire days on MFP the day or days prior
    - Weighing all my food to the gram
    - Checking menus and nutrition before I went out to eat
    - Hoarding calories or 'fun' foods for the end of the day (when I knew I had less time before bed to over-eat)
    - Being obsessed about only having the healthiest or lowest calorie options
    - Abusing vegetables and high-volume/low-calorie foods in order to 'fill up' before eating any kind of carb or fat
    - Compensating for eating by having to either move extra or eat less the next day or days
    - Comparing my food intake to other people online and wishing I was able to eat 3 times more like they could
    - Having to stick to meal times and certain combinations of foods I knew would make me FULL even if I didn't enjoy them very much
    - Over-consuming coffee as it helped silence my hunger
    - Fasting for as long as possible even if it meant feeling foggy, dizzy, and lightheaded
    - Restricting up until events like birthdays, reunions, etc, because I wanted to be able to act as though I was normal when I was there, even if I starved myself before and after
    - Only eating 'diet' versions of foods: ice cream, juice, milk, yogurt, etc..
    - ALWAYS searching for the lowest calorie items on menus and then trying to convince myself and other I actually "liked it more" - when I didn't
    - Literally 'building sandwiches' in my head while I lay in bed trying to sleep because I was fantasizing about all the stuff I never got to enjoy
    - Watching people eating on YouTube while I eat to somehow vicariously enjoy their experience while I eat bland boring crap
    - Throwing away excess food, especially if it wasn't the absolutely healthiest option, to avoid 'tempting' myself into eating it.
    - Always planning and packing foods before trips so I never had to eat anything from a gas station, etc, that might not 'fit my macros' perfectly
    - Compulsive lower-level movement like: trying to stand as much as possible and not sit, pacing around my house to get my steps in, losing sleep so I could wake up early to get in my quota of activity...
    - Avoiding eating before bed so I could make sure my morning weigh in was AS LOW AS POSSIBLE so I could be OK eating a little more the next day.



    I could go on for hours... but you get the idea... there are SO MANY tiny, tiny things I never even realized were an issue... but they are/were...
    I almost have all of these behaviours...
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    Originally Posted by REXIEthedino View Post
    I almost have all of these behaviours...
    Like I said, I’ve been where u are
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Like I said, I’ve been where u are
    I didn't even realize that some behaviours where considered disordered. I considered them normal and didn't think much of it. "Because a lot of people do it"
    Reply With Quote

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