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  1. #2491
    Registered User Omni's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Yeah hematologists specialize in blood diseases and they will likely order a list of tests to analyse what are called ‘free light chains’ which show various markers of blood conditions. Mine came back fine which suggests that the cause of low WBC is not a chronic disease but rather my bone marrow not producing as much due to lack of energy over time.

    If they find something troubling they might suggest a bone marrow biopsy to rule out certain cancers, but in your case it is almost 100% certainly due to deprivation.

    I’m not sure about who typically orders the testosterone ones as I ended up paying for mine out of pocket because I was generally concerned. I used an online booking service which links to labs in my area and you just go get them done there.

    I wouldn’t worry too much, because given your history we kind of already know the #1 suspect in all this.
    Went to my hematologist appointment this morning and he pretty much agreed its from being malnourished also. He also described everything you linked in this article, which was a great read by the way. I was also his first patient my age that was slightly anemic from a possible eating disorder. He went ahead and ran more full blood panels and agreed to test my testosterone. Overall, I'm glad I decided to go today even though I passed out from getting approximately 12 vials of blood drawn from me (first time this has ever happened - was not fun AT ALL). I should have full test results back within a week and we will go from there.

    As a side note, I've spent a good 2-3 hours reading all of Tabitha's blog posts as well as some of the papers on EDInstitute. All of these reads have been EXTREMELY helpful. There are even some symptoms I would have never correlated to an eating disorder that I have been experiencing but never realized I was.
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  2. #2492
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Actually sonnyD is my friend on Facebook and IG... he’s doing really well. Recovered completely it seems.

    Not sure otherwise.
    if im correct i think i remember once reading he dropped training completely and gained weight and found a girl.

    don’t know about the others, but would be interested in reading for sure
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  3. #2493
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    if im correct i think i remember once reading he dropped training completely and gained weight and found a girl.

    don’t know about the others, but would be interested in reading for sure
    Oh so funny i have checked in a long time I wanted to post some motivational stuff for u all, bet most of u do not know who i am, but i have been in your shoes as well Same goes with me, just u have mentioned with sonny. Overcoming from this is possible, hard, and draining but possible So keep up guys!
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    Originally Posted by Grappa View Post
    Oh so funny i have checked in a long time I wanted to post some motivational stuff for u all, bet most of u do not know who i am, but i have been in your shoes as well Same goes with me, just u have mentioned with sonny. Overcoming from this is possible, hard, and draining but possible So keep up guys!
    Oh hey what's up man? You still doing martial arts? Are you also still with your gf? For me, picking up martial arts again and moving in with my gf have been some of the best things for me. They've both given me many added challenges, but have ultimately helped me get my life back.
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  5. #2495
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grappa View Post
    Oh so funny i have checked in a long time I wanted to post some motivational stuff for u all, bet most of u do not know who i am, but i have been in your shoes as well Same goes with me, just u have mentioned with sonny. Overcoming from this is possible, hard, and draining but possible So keep up guys!
    Fancy seeing you here outside of Facebook ;o)
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  6. #2496
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    @letsallmakeit

    Just to contrast with your recent gym experiences, after two full rest days, today I went back in for a lower-body day... not all that much volume just focusing on being explosive, still hit a small increase on squats with better depth than last time.

    Is a big improvement? No, but when I left the gym, I got a kind of 'post-workout euphoria' which is in stark contrast to the out-of-focus feeling you've been describing. I honestly felt enhanced mental acuity and sense of well-being because I knew I gave it what I could within the confines of my recovery limits.

    Just because the weights didn't fly up through the ceiling, doesn't mean it wasn't a productive and fun session. Sometimes just having FUN at the gym is more than enough. Zero regrets
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  7. #2497
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    Originally Posted by Grappa View Post
    Oh so funny i have checked in a long time I wanted to post some motivational stuff for u all, bet most of u do not know who i am, but i have been in your shoes as well Same goes with me, just u have mentioned with sonny. Overcoming from this is possible, hard, and draining but possible So keep up guys!
    i have seen you posting around here while i was starting to read this thread.
    thanks!
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  8. #2498
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    @letsallmakeit

    Just to contrast with your recent gym experiences, after two full rest days, today I went back in for a lower-body day... not all that much volume just focusing on being explosive, still hit a small increase on squats with better depth than last time.

    Is a big improvement? No, but when I left the gym, I got a kind of 'post-workout euphoria' which is in stark contrast to the out-of-focus feeling you've been describing. I honestly felt enhanced mental acuity and sense of well-being because I knew I gave it what I could within the confines of my recovery limits.

    Just because the weights didn't fly up through the ceiling, doesn't mean it wasn't a productive and fun session. Sometimes just having FUN at the gym is more than enough. Zero regrets
    first of all what does contrast means? lol i tried looking for the definition and was like wtf does it mean? is it like comparing?

    well that’s the thing, the majority of the times i went to the gym and did normal increase in one exercise while doing little in another. for example, 5 pounds squat while losing none to maybe 1-2 reps and bench increasing 2.5 and losing from none to 1-2 reps. btw i bought 1.25 plates that = 2.5 pounds when put on both sides. i sometimes felt bad because i increased a little, but lost reps and was sad.

    i also went to the gym not leaving reps in the tank the majority of the times. meaning that i went hard af and didn’t stop until before going to failure. obviously this puts extra fatigue.

    this is what i have learned from experience,

    i only enjoyed doing prs, even tho i got tired af of doing the same things, but i felt forced to do them because hey people and program says do that. also because i got bored of doing the same thing even if one of my goals is to reach certain numbers

    i didn’t know what leaving a rep in the tank felt like so i was constantly ending before failure and sometimes even at failure.

    most importantly, i let fitness take over my life and let a lottttttttttttttttttttttt of opportunities in life to pass by.

    probably a lot of other things like forcing myself to go to the gym because of ED and other things, but this is just something that i’m going to fix if i go back to the gym.

    something i read that i think it’s true and that i’m accepting is that linear isn’t constantly linear. we need to fix and or change stuff to keep progressing.

    so yeah i have decided to quit that lp forever mindset because i decided that feeling like this is not worth. heck i probably tanked my testosterone going beast mode everyday and probably underrecovered and forcing myself to go.
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  9. #2499
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    i want to add that today i woke up feeling great! i went to the beach and i actually felt alive.

    i felt like wanting to hang out and have s drink with new and or with old friends.

    i also felt like wanting to go to the pool alone or with new and or with old friends.

    day by day im starting to feel better, especially mentally. im starting to think better.

    yesterday i actually wanting to hit the weights again and i looked up people doing squats on instagram. i gotta be honest, i wanted to check how they squat to see form stuff and thats part of my problem, but i’m slowly stopping that mindset.

    yesterday night i wanted to freaking travel. wtf i was so damn impressed i felt that tbh.

    i’m starting to see what living is all about.

    i wanted to even jog, which i don’t like tbh but i have been wanting to do it. i also need to ask myself if it’s my mind tricking me to jog or because i really want too.

    i need to know how to tell when i’m ready. i need to know whem my mind and body wants to hit the fitness stuff and not my mind tricking me. i need to feel both, when my mind wants to and also my body.

    i have been feeling wanting to go back, but it fades and comes back.

    i’m feeling better everyday tho.

    i gotta thanks this forum, especially this thread. it opened my eyes and thanks to this forum i finally started my recovery in the right direction.

    again, sorry about the pr thing.
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  10. #2500
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    so today i went to the endocrinologist and he wants to check why my cortisol is extremely high. a urine 24 hour test came back high in 2018. it seems my high cortisol is tanking my testosterone. i also have a microadenoma and he suspects it could be causing cushing disease, weird tho because i don’t have physical symptoms of it.
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  11. #2501
    Registered User Omni's Avatar
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    Got my latest blood test results today from the hematologist. My white count is still low (2.3 10^9/L) and my red count is still mildly low (4.08 10^12/L). He gave me the option of getting a bone marrow draw right now or waiting 6-8 weeks to see if weight gain will naturally raise the levels. I chose the latter and I'm going to greatly increase my caloric intake for the next 6-8 weeks to try and pack on as much weight as possible.

    My testosterone came back at 169 ng/dL which is really low he says. I went and got more blood work done today to test my FSH & LH. Really hoping all of this will all start to improve in the next 6-8 weeks.
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  12. #2502
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Omni View Post
    Got my latest blood test results today from the hematologist. My white count is still low (2.3 10^9/L) and my red count is still mildly low (4.08 10^12/L). He gave me the option of getting a bone marrow draw right now or waiting 6-8 weeks to see if weight gain will naturally raise the levels. I chose the latter and I'm going to greatly increase my caloric intake for the next 6-8 weeks to try and pack on as much weight as possible.

    My testosterone came back at 169 ng/dL which is really low he says. I went and got more blood work done today to test my FSH & LH. Really hoping all of this will all start to improve in the next 6-8 weeks.
    Very similar to my levels when I had them checked too.
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  13. #2503
    Registered User Omni's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Very similar to my levels when I had them checked too.
    Outside of it being obvious that any calorie is a good calorie, do you have any suggestions on foods that could possibly help with the increase in these levels? Or is the intuitive eating good enough? (I still lift and make sure I'm hitting my minimum fat and protein macro's).
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Omni View Post
    Outside of it being obvious that any calorie is a good calorie, do you have any suggestions on foods that could possibly help with the increase in these levels? Or is the intuitive eating good enough? (I still lift and make sure I'm hitting my minimum fat and protein macro's).
    No one-size fits all I’m afraid. Weight gain will be the primary driver of this recovery, and everyone’s ability to intuitively eat enough in recovery is different. For me, I have zero issue intuitively eating in a big surplus cuz I’m very hungry and I’m eating very calorie dense food... others cannot trust their hunger cues because they have damaged them. So again, you need to assess your own level of adherence given your natural tendencies right now.

    I can easily eat 4K+ calories without even trying... others aren’t there yet and struggle to eat even half that.
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  15. #2505
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    No one-size fits all I’m afraid. Weight gain will be the primary driver of this recovery, and everyone’s ability to intuitively eat enough in recovery is different. For me, I have zero issue intuitively eating in a big surplus cuz I’m very hungry and I’m eating very calorie dense food... others cannot trust their hunger cues because they have damaged them. So again, you need to assess your own level of adherence given your natural tendencies right now.

    I can easily eat 4K+ calories without even trying... others aren’t there yet and struggle to eat even half that.
    My bad I should have rephrased that a little bit differently. I'm having no issues hitting 3500+ every day, I was just wondering if there are any foods that might have a impact on increasing white & red blood cell counts.

    Again though, I appreciate all your help and agree 100% that weight gain will be the primary driver.
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Omni View Post
    My bad I should have rephrased that a little bit differently. I'm having no issues hitting 3500+ every day, I was just wondering if there are any foods that might have a impact on increasing white & red blood cell counts.

    Again though, I appreciate all your help and agree 100% that weight gain will be the primary driver.
    Ah ok. In that case, not really no, I think the best course is just to be consistent, making sure you get essential fats, etc, and just letting your body heal.

    Things like nuts can be very useful, as well as things higher iron etc.

    But really it comes down to getting out of chronic deprivation and letting your systems reset.
    Last edited by AdamWW; 11-01-2019 at 09:56 PM.
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    Hey guys, just had another binge (3 days in a row now). I don't know what to do. Mentally it's so annoying. How can i deal with this? Everyday I probably eat at least 2000-3000 over my daily calorie target. Just so frustrating
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    Hey guys, just had another binge (3 days in a row now). I don't know what to do. Mentally it's so annoying. How can i deal with this? Everyday I probably eat at least 2000-3000 over my daily calorie target. Just so frustrating
    You’re 17 and you have a fear food, you’re also very thin. You’re likely eating a lot because your body is afraid that you won’t feed it. Nobody can know for sure without knowing your full history.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    You’re 17 and you have a fear food, you’re also very thin. You’re likely eating a lot because your body is afraid that you won’t feed it. Nobody can know for sure without knowing your full history.
    Ok, it is just so annoying . Like I can’t sit down and enjoy just 2 cookies. I have to eat the whole packet. I can never have foods in moderation otherwise I just end up binging on it

    My history: 14 years old was 62kg and pretty overweight for my age (always got bullied in school etc) then I restricted my food heavily for around 2 years and got down to my lowest weight of 47kg. Now 1 year later I am at 52kg and still the same height as when I was 14. Now I’m getting all these crazy binges which happen at least 3 times a week (usually more)

    Also to add I had numerous blood tests and results said I have low testosterone. I had my first injection of 125mg Testosterone 5 weeks ago. But honestly feel no difference in mood, energy, Lobito etc
    Last edited by Andrew578; 11-02-2019 at 08:54 AM.
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    Ok, it is just so annoying . Like I can’t sit down and enjoy just 2 cookies. I have to eat the whole packet. I can never have foods in moderation otherwise I just end up binging on it

    My history: 14 years old was 62kg and pretty overweight for my age (always got bullied in school etc) then I restricted my food heavily for around 2 years and got down to my lowest weight of 47kg. Now 1 year later I am at 52kg and still the same height as when I was 14. Now I’m getting all these crazy binges which happen at least 3 times a week (usually more)

    Also to add I had numerous blood tests and results said I have low testosterone. I had my first injection of 125mg Testosterone 5 weeks ago. But honestly feel no difference in mood, energy, Lobito etc
    Google “extreme hunger in anorexia recovery”

    That is what is happening
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    hey guys! so after some time off i have extreme urge to go back to training. everyday i have felt better and better.

    i’m actually planning to start tomorrow, but only doing full body 2 days this week and see how i recover.

    i’m going to start slow first and then add depending in how i feel.

    i feel more motivated and i’m actually feeling a huge difference. i admit i fear a bit going back, but i’m going to take things slow this time.
    Last edited by letsallmakeit; 11-02-2019 at 02:30 PM.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Google “extreme hunger in anorexia recovery”

    That is what is happening
    Thank you, I’ll have a look now
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    hey guys! so after some time off i have extreme urge to go back to training. everyday i have felt better and better.
    How long have you taken off. It hasn't even been 2 weeks, has it? Or am I misremembering?
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    Originally Posted by CommitmentRulz View Post
    How long have you taken off. It hasn't even been 2 weeks, has it? Or am I misremembering?
    around a bit more than a week.
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    Hey Adam, thank you so much for you support. I have given in into my anorexia recovery and finally started listening to my body. Stop counting calories. (Probably roughly eating 5000 calories a day now). Mostly junk food but I don't care it is what my body wants. I just still have the stigma that this won't end and I will gain a lot of weight. I weighed myself today (I know I shouldn't have.... I know better) and I got scared when I saw the scale at 55kg (I was 52kg last week). What should I do, am I gaining too much??
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    Hey Adam, thank you so much for you support. I have given in into my anorexia recovery and finally started listening to my body. Stop counting calories. (Probably roughly eating 5000 calories a day now). Mostly junk food but I don't care it is what my body wants. I just still have the stigma that this won't end and I will gain a lot of weight. I weighed myself today (I know I shouldn't have.... I know better) and I got scared when I saw the scale at 55kg (I was 52kg last week). What should I do, am I gaining too much??
    Who’s asking? You? Or the disorder?

    I think you know the answer my friend. You’re basically asking: “am I healing too fast”?

    Run toward the fear... you’ll be fine.

    Everyone who starts recovery feeding has this fear of ‘never stopping’, it’s normal.

    Throw your scale away if you can... or do something to stop checking your body. This is a time to focus on your mind and eating to undo the damage, not feed your ED tendency.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    Hey Adam, thank you so much for you support. I have given in into my anorexia recovery and finally started listening to my body. Stop counting calories. (Probably roughly eating 5000 calories a day now). Mostly junk food but I don't care it is what my body wants. I just still have the stigma that this won't end and I will gain a lot of weight. I weighed myself today (I know I shouldn't have.... I know better) and I got scared when I saw the scale at 55kg (I was 52kg last week). What should I do, am I gaining too much??
    Don’t run away from the fear, don’t resist, try to accept what you’re going thro, this includes fear and symptoms, and continue living. if symptoms come just don’t focus and pay attention to them. instead focus in living in the present.

    I’m saying this, but i’m applying it to myself because i too experience fear, but i accept and try to instead of run away just carry on living without resisting and doing what my mind wants to reduce the anxiety or w/e.

    this is something i have read and i’m working on.

    if you gained weight think about how that weight is going to be beneficial for you. your ed might be wanting you to check the mirror right? say nah and continue living. try to not let fear get to you wanting to do stuff to reduce symptoms.
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    i replied to adam with what i replied to andrew and deleted that reply to just send it to andrew

    but what i replied to andrew i think adam knows a lot about it. i know adam knows about the majority of what i mentioned or even everything? i do know i read this stuff from books too.
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    @Andrew

    To add more substance to my last comment, I want you to think about it this way: what does knowing your weight actually mean?

    As someone who has restricted their intake to perpetuate a long-term energy deficit, you have zero knowledge about what internally needs to be 'fixed' in order to rebuild your health.

    For all we know, all the weight you gain during recovery is water, internal tissues (brain, heart, bones), hormonal function, increased food-volume in your gut (a HUGE factor).... but the ED's tendency is to immediately attribute all weight gain to fat.

    Everyone needs to gain fat in recovery, EVERYone. However, to assume your process is 'too fast' is completely counter-intuitive, because again the ultimate goal is to heal yourself. What else would you do, KEEP restricting? NOT honoring your hunger? If you do that, then you're behaving like an anorexic....

    All the people I have ever known who actually got through recovery have said they wish they just gave in and accepted their body and their cravings sooner. Most of them did, eventually, but only after this mental suffering and questioning you're experiencing know. Not once have I come across a recovered anorexic who experienced extreme hunger and feast-eating who said, "yeah I wish I restricted and held back, and didn't accept my hunger cues".

    These feelings of insatiable hunger do NOT last forever, why would they? Your body wants to seek homeostasis... it's not here to work against you, trick you into "becoming obese", or cause you harm in any way. It only wants to live and thrive.

    It's pointless to question 'how long will this last?', 'when will the hunger go down?', because nobody has that answer. A week? A month? A Year? More? Those questions are coming 100% from the voice in your head that wants to be reassured that you have control, and that you're safe from being something you fear.

    Focus on how you FEEL now, how your sleep is, how your mental health is.... not a scale number, not calories... and definitely not how you'll look physically coming out the other side.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Who’s asking? You? Or the disorder?

    I think you know the answer my friend. You’re basically asking: “am I healing too fast”?

    Run toward the fear... you’ll be fine.

    Everyone who starts recovery feeding has this fear of ‘never stopping’, it’s normal.

    Throw your scale away if you can... or do something to stop checking your body. This is a time to focus on your mind and eating to undo the damage, not feed your ED tendency.
    Thank you for the re-assurance. I was just getting worried, but it’s totally normal. Thanks Adam, u have helped me a lot. Appreciate it
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