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  1. #2341
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thegymbum View Post
    Just dropping in to say hi to everyone. I hadn’t been on this forum for years, so of course haven’t participated in this thread. I last checked in right around when determined passed and it hasn’t felt the same since.

    I’m going to read back and catch up in a minute, butbsinge it’s been so long wanted to do a brief re-intro reply so I don’t feel like I’m butting in as badly!! I’ve struggled with mainly anorexia and compulsive exercise for the past ~22 years. I’m 34 now, and have had some degree of success with recovery for the past ~4 years after severe years of battling severe anorexia followed by round after round of treatment and partial weight restoration followed by relapse back to where I was.

    At age 30 I had my nost successful recovery venture and 2 years of what I’d consider real recovery. My relapse 2 years ago wasn’t a total back-track, but the beginning of a more well hidden exercise addiction and cycling between the bare minimum healthy BMI and underweight but not emaciated. Easier to keep hidden when you can use your redound passion for gymnastics as an excuse, ha.

    Anyway that’s more than long enough lol but I’ve been strugglinv than I have in a ew years and the restrictive side of my ED and feelings of wanting to get back to a low weight have recently resurfaced, so I’m hoping for some support in keeping those feelings under wraps!!!

    Nice to meet you all...
    Welcome back... I'm sorry to hear of your recent struggles, I know all too well how a long, long-term ED can weigh heavily on your spirits.
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  2. #2342
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    Just checking in to vent a bit.

    Have spent the summer vacay at my parents, eating out a lot with friends etc. Not weighing myself and not counting calories. Noticed that i started to lose a lot of strength at the gym however and decided to do a check-in. I’ve apparantly lost ~7LBS and am down to my lowest weight. So ****ing frustrated, feels like ive lost all the progress i made so far.

    Today extreme hunger also hit and i ate two big burgers and am still hungry for more - which i take as a sign that my body is back in the ****ed up state my ED brought on.

    Ive been eating like solely **** like burgers, bbq and chips for the past month so i though it would sort itself but apparantly im either subcounsiously restricting or my hunger cues are simply not reliable enough yet.

    Back to MM and making sure i hit my minimums, because im not doing this again.

    Anyway, hope yall are progressing well and would be more than happy to talk via PM if anyone feels the need!
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  3. #2343
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    hey guys! so since weighting myself brings a bit of anxiety, i only try to weight myself when i feel like doing so, but one of my family member made some rice and beans yesterday and i still ate what i cooked. today i crave that, but since i did not make it i feel a bit anxious about eating that also because i will probably be eating less of my “comfort” food later since i might freak out from eating that rice with beans. anyone experience comfort eating foods? it seems hard for me to stop eating the “comfort food” especially at night and im used to save calories for that moment.
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  4. #2344
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    hey guys! so since weighting myself brings a bit of anxiety, i only try to weight myself when i feel like doing so, but one of my family member made some rice and beans yesterday and i still ate what i cooked. today i crave that, but since i did not make it i feel a bit anxious about eating that also because i will probably be eating less of my “comfort” food later since i might freak out from eating that rice with beans. anyone experience comfort eating foods? it seems hard for me to stop eating the “comfort food” especially at night and im used to save calories for that moment.
    I think the problem with this mindset is that if you are ever in a state where you're 'planning' foods for later, it means you should eat right now.

    Think about it this way, if in any moment you were actually full and satisfied, would you even be thinking about food at all? Try and recall a time where you ate a lot of food to the point of REAL satiety... you likely ate to the point where you didn't care about food anymore... that is what ever meal/snack needs to be like.

    You have to start eating for the present moment, regardless of what might or might not happen later. By contemplating food choices that hasn't even happened yet, you're reinforcing this idea that food is scarce and that you can't just have what you want when you want it... but you can.

    If you end a meal pondering your next meal, it means that meal isn't done. Eat until you don't want more food, and you'll stop having to worry about what's coming next. Free up that brain space with stuff that's actually important.
    Last edited by AdamWW; 08-15-2019 at 12:21 PM.
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  5. #2345
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    I think the problem with this mindset is that if you are ever in a state where you're 'planning' foods for later, it means you should eat right now.

    Think about it this way, if in any moment you were actually full and satisfied, would you even be thinking about food at all? Try and recall a time where you ate a lot of food to the point of REAL satiety... you likely ate to the point where you didn't care about food anymore... that is what ever meal/snack needs to be like.

    You have to start eating for the present moment, regardless of what might or might not happen later. By contemplating food choices that hasn't even happened yet, you're reinforcing this idea that food is scarce and that you can't just have what you want when you want it... but you can.

    If you end a meal pondering your next meal, it means that meal isn't done. Eat until you don't want more food, and you'll stop having to worry about what's coming next. Free up that brain space with stuff that's actually important.
    after reading i did realize that i do think too much about the food selection that im going to eat later on instead of just focusing on eating it now. i like to save everything for later, but im planning in changing that because i think it might be impacting my sleep.

    you say eat until feel “satiated”. thats what im planning, but since i have this routine of eating almost everything at night it’s hard to eat those calories earlier. im probably going to work on that. i think therapy will cover this too.

    i do want to eat everything in the plate until i feel satisfied BUT everytime i see the food i panic and even leave some.

    did you read “the power of now”(i don’t remember if i asked you this before, but if i did hehe then ill ask again :P)? just curious. i ask because i see you mentioned living in the present.

    thanks for replying!
    Last edited by letsallmakeit; 08-15-2019 at 02:53 PM.
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  6. #2346
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    after reading i did realize that i do think too much about the food selection that im going to eat later on instead of just focusing on eating it now. i like to save everything for later, but im planning in changing that because i think it might be impacting my sleep.

    you say eat until feel “satiated”. thats what im planning, but since i have this routine of eating almost everything at night it’s hard to eat those calories earlier. im probably going to work on that. i think therapy will cover this too.

    i do want to eat everything in the plate until i feel satisfied BUT everytime i see the food i panic and even leave some.

    did you read “the power of now”(i don’t remember if i asked you this before, but if i did hehe then ill ask again :P)? just curious. i ask because i see you mentioned living in the present.

    thanks for replying!
    Yup, I have read that, for sure.

    The problem with saving food is that you're delaying getting in what you want... you're restricting... you can't beat the ED by giving into what it wants. It WANT you to wait....
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  7. #2347
    Registered User letsallmakeit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Yup, I have read that, for sure.

    The problem with saving food is that you're delaying getting in what you want... you're restricting... you can't beat the ED by giving into what it wants. It WANT you to wait....
    ahh i gotcha. yesterday i served my food and ate almost everything! after that i had my typical meal and ate it all and continue eating. at the end i felt satisfied and it felt so good! the mistake i did was weighting myself this morning :/ 1 pound up.

    thanks for replying!
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  8. #2348
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    ahh i gotcha. yesterday i served my food and ate almost everything! after that i had my typical meal and ate it all and continue eating. at the end i felt satisfied and it felt so good! the mistake i did was weighting myself this morning :/ 1 pound up.

    thanks for replying!
    Well that 1pound is just food and water

    I suggest not weighing yourself when you know you gained food and water weight
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  9. #2349
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Well that 1pound is just food and water

    I suggest not weighing yourself when you know you gained food and water weight
    yeah thats probably it. how you been doing adam? hows life?
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  10. #2350
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    yeah thats probably it. how you been doing adam? hows life?
    Im doing AWESOME overall man...

    Haven't been tracking a damn thing, ice cream basically every night... strength continues to go up.

    I have my ups and downs of course, but my overall health and mindset is better than it's been in years
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  11. #2351
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    Only just found this thread after how many months.

    Checking in as I have BED, triggered by a potential cancer relapse after funny bloodworks came back. Regularly go out and eat 8-12,000 calories in cookies, granola bars, greek yoghurt, pizza, pasties etc.

    I'm currently 16 days without binge eating, have been tracking everything on MFP with a high protein diet and 200-400 calorie deficit most days. Right now I feel like I have broken the binge cycle - I normally do 7-10 days clean and then break, so I am on a PB right now!
    Beat cancer. Beating an eating disorder. Want to be 190lbs and 10% bodyfat by July 2020.
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  12. #2352
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Im doing AWESOME overall man...

    Haven't been tracking a damn thing, ice cream basically every night... strength continues to go up.

    I have my ups and downs of course, but my overall health and mindset is better than it's been in years
    sweet man. glad to know you’re doing great! you still doing that 4 day split?

    edit: do you feel the need to move around to burn more calories and not feel like you’re eating a lot and not doing something? also what do you recommend to know how im gaining bw without actually weighting myself regularly?
    Last edited by letsallmakeit; 08-18-2019 at 02:28 PM.
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  13. #2353
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    sweet man. glad to know you’re doing great! you still doing that 4 day split?

    edit: do you feel the need to move around to burn more calories and not feel like you’re eating a lot and not doing something? also what do you recommend to know how im gaining bw without actually weighting myself regularly?
    I alternate depending on schedule and how I feel between upper/lower or a fullbody push/pull.

    As far as moving more, of course I feel tempted to, I just don't let myself.

    How do I know I'm gaining? Well, I set my calories to a level where it's impossible for me not to gain... that's how I know. Basically, I guess how many calories I probably burn, and I add 1000 to that as a MINIMUM... and if i'm still hungry even then, I keep eating until food sounds completely not appealing.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    I alternate depending on schedule and how I feel between upper/lower or a fullbody push/pull.

    As far as moving more, of course I feel tempted to, I just don't let myself.

    How do I know I'm gaining? Well, I set my calories to a level where it's impossible for me not to gain... that's how I know. Basically, I guess how many calories I probably burn, and I add 1000 to that as a MINIMUM... and if i'm still hungry even then, I keep eating until food sounds completely not appealing.
    I get you. for some reason i do crave more salty foods. are you mindful of adding more salt than usual to your food? it’s something i just love in almost everything.

    edit: i also love the no sugar added ketchup. i add that to veggies and other stuff almost daily lol.

    thanks for replying!
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    I get you. for some reason i do crave more salty foods. are you mindful of adding more salt than usual to your food? it’s something i just love in almost everything.

    edit: i also love the no sugar added ketchup. i add that to veggies and other stuff almost daily lol.

    thanks for replying!
    Not mindful of salt at all... I consume plenty I'm sure.

    No sugar added ketchup? Why not just regular ketchup?
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Not mindful of salt at all... I consume plenty I'm sure.

    No sugar added ketchup? Why not just regular ketchup?
    because two things, the regular one haves high fructose corn syrup and because the no sugar haves less calories.
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by letsallmakeit View Post
    because two things, the regular one haves high fructose corn syrup and because the no sugar haves less calories.
    You can find plenty of ones without HFCS...

    Why are you concerned with calories in ketchup? You're trying to gain weight....
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    You can find plenty of ones without HFCS...

    Why are you concerned with calories in ketchup? You're trying to gain weight....
    i get you. yeah i get the low calorie ketchup to not freak out if i eat a lot. this is only feeding the ED if im correct. yeah like you said, i think there are more natural versions with the same calories.

    edited this post btw.

    thanks for replying!
    Last edited by letsallmakeit; 08-19-2019 at 02:13 PM.
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    I am 16 years old turning 17 and i can't stop eating. Pretty much every night i binge eat everything in the house. I don't know what to do and getting a little worried. This has been going on for a couple weeks and it's just a cycle. Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome this. I'm 112lbs and 5'5 male. I was undernourished from around 13-16. Which may play a role. Thanks
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrew578 View Post
    I am 16 years old turning 17 and i can't stop eating. Pretty much every night i binge eat everything in the house. I don't know what to do and getting a little worried. This has been going on for a couple weeks and it's just a cycle. Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome this. I'm 112lbs and 5'5 male. I was undernourished from around 13-16. Which may play a role. Thanks
    Well, firstly, at your age you really should see a professional to talk about this.

    Secondly, you are definitely at a low weight, even if you are only 16-17. There is a strong possibility that you simply need to eat more food than you think.

    How is your every throughout the day? Do you eat at regular times, and what amounts do you eat?
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Well, firstly, at your age you really should see a professional to talk about this.

    Secondly, you are definitely at a low weight, even if you are only 16-17. There is a strong possibility that you simply need to eat more food than you think.

    How is your every throughout the day? Do you eat at regular times, and what amounts do you eat?
    energy is ok, sometimes just feel heaps drained. i eat regular every 3 hours or so because of school (breakfast, recess, lunch, afternoon, dinner, before bed) around 6 meals. i eat around 2500 calories every day i track sometimes
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