Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[XeniaStark]

I had an eating disorder in 2016 and it was the worst period of my life. I decided to give up fitness and allowed myself to eat everything I wanted. I still try to love my body but it's not so easy. If you have an eating disorder, you'd better see a good therapist.

[edrecoveryboii]

Im constantly aware of that as well, which is why my approach, as counterintuitive as it might seem, relies on tracking calories to make sure that i hit my target. Kinda an attempt to bring any mental factors out of the equation until i can actually trust myself to eat enough intuitively. Going to spend next few weeks back home with family/vacation and am gonna let myself take a break from the constant stress of getting those calories instead - my thinking is that my dear mom will sort that out anyway

Hows your recovery going bro? Would appreciate any practical tips/insights from your side as you seem both experienced on the process and seem to possess quite a sober view of it all.

[AdamWW]

Im constantly aware of that as well, which is why my approach, as counterintuitive as it might seem, relies on tracking calories to make sure that i hit my target. Kinda an attempt to bring any mental factors out of the equation until i can actually trust myself to eat enough intuitively. Going to spend next few weeks back home with family/vacation and am gonna let myself take a break from the constant stress of getting those calories instead - my thinking is that my dear mom will sort that out anyway

Hows your recovery going bro? Would appreciate any practical tips/insights from your side as you seem both experienced on the process and seem to possess quite a sober view of it all.

Going in the right directlon. I'm gaining at a pretty fast rate right now, which is 100% fine with me.

My suggestion is to remove anything from your life (habits, triggers, etc) which you even remotely suspect are the result of the ED or that trigger anxiety in your mind.

At first I thought I could tolerate weighing myself, but in fact I had an emotional response to it. Even if I was 'ok' with gaining, I would get obsessed about gaining at the 'right' rate, etc, and not just accepting that I needed to feed myself no matter what my weight was if I had even a TINY hint of food thought. Not just 'hunger', but even THOUGHTS about food. So, I can be physically full, but if somewhere in my mind I am remotely thinking about what I might eat next, I have to go eat more until I have zero interest in food.

Since doing this, I've been able to see mental and physical changes which happen only when I am fed enough.

When i'm fed, I have zero food thoughts, and I actually become very bored. I started to realize that my physical cues just aren't reliable right now, so I need to use a combination of both food thoughts AND physical hunger to decide what to do.

If I FEEL physically hungry: I have to eat
If I have even the slightly thought about food: I have to eat

And, I have to eat exactly what I want and in the amount that I crave until the two above things go away.

Basically, when I'm 100% done eating now, I get the urge to do other things... which is hard, because for so long the ED has been 'filling' my mind's focus with just food and weight and bodyimage goals. Once I take the appeal of food out, I feel empty (ironically)... because now I need to fill the void with something else other than the restriction.

My stomach and digestion is a mess sometimes... but it has to be done..

[letsallmakeit]

Hey dude.

Sorry about the cold, hate those things. And it's great you're able to finally LET GO and just eat in the moment. That's one thing I always struggled with and still do sometimes... I was always one to question if I should eat yet, delay it because I wanted to have something more 'special' later, instead of just eating for 'right now' and giving my body the fuel it needs. As long as you know you're in a surplus, 'listening to your body' is fine... just be sure it actually is enough.

In terms of calories when sick, actually your body does burn more calories at rest when you're sick simply due to the immune response, etc. There's no way to quantify how much more, but it certainly does go up. Eat to feel good, plenty of fluids and nutrients.





Unless you have been told to 'reverse diet' under the care of doctor and/or ED professional, adding in 10 calories a week is not going to see you on a quick path to recovery. This is still a restrictive diet.

I think you need to really be honest with yourself around why you feel the need to SLOWLY gain weight vs gaining more quickly. How long have you been doing this 'reverse diet' for? In general, once you're out of the danger of true refeeding syndrome, there is no reason to hold back to such a low calorie number and feel hungry all the time while remaining so thin.

Just to give you an example, right now I'm gaining over 1lb every week, i'm eating much more than 2000 calories, etc, and every pound I gain makes my health better.

I cannot tell you what to do of course, you know your body and situation far better than I ever will, but I urge you to be very honest with yourself about WHY you're trying to gain so slowly? What are you afraid of?

Gaining slowly isn't going to fix your metabolism, it's just prolonging your recovery.

hey man.

thanks so much for replying. i have to admit i still have the mentality of not eating when i should eat to save up calories for later, but im going to recover from that and start eating more when i really need it instead of eating very little or not eating for hours to save calories for later.

btw, im getting better from the cold (if it was a cold) wuhu!

[AdamWW]

hey man.

thanks so much for replying. i have to admit i still have the mentality of not eating when i should eat to save up calories for later, but im going to recover i know it.

Eat for the present moment.

Food will always be there.

Remind yourself that right now, in the moments you're going hungry because you want to 'save it up', you're wasting time you will NEVER get back. Every second you waste feeling hungry, you are pissing it away because you want to control your body.

Time is the only asset you will NEVER get back. Spend it doing things you want to do, eating what you WANT to eat. You have one life.

[MengShu57]

I appreciate the concern; but I'd like to clarify a few points on my end, just to provide more information; as I believe that everyone's own journey to be unique, so what works for me will not work for the majority of people, thus I believe that following a conventional approach is best for those dealing with an ED.

I heavily apologize in advance if something I say might offend as I realize this to be somewhat of a touchy subject; please keep in mind that I am doing my best to keeping 100% honesty in what I'm about to share.

First off, I want to give background information. I've had anemia since I was a child because I used to be somewhat of a picky eater and had a rather unhealthy lifestyle; such as eating out almost everyday. I was rather troublesome for my parents when it came to nutrition. Despite the fact that I was skinny and within a healthy weight range, my blood markers probably weren't the best at the time. I was hospitalized numerous times throughout my youth.

During my early adolescence I became a little chubby but this didn't concern me, and as I grew taller it evened out so I became naturally lean. At the same time, I started getting into fitness and didn't eat out as much as I did when I was younger.

I started bulking at some point to put on some muscle mass and reached my heaviest weight being about 165lbs. Then I stopped training and naturally leaned down to 140-150, can't remember exactly but I did get a weigh in at some point.

The origins of my ED behavior started around three years ago. I was into calisthenics and parkour at the time and felt like I needed to be at a lighter weight to perform optimally. So I started being more conscious about what I ate, but it was nothing crazy. I got down to around 135 by the summer of 2017 as I remember weighing myself occasionally, and I stayed there for a good amount of time. I was at my strongest in terms of strength and stamina and probably in the best shape of my life, eating intuitively and just a little health conscious, nothing crazy. Eventually, summer had ended and because I live in Canada, parkour and calisthenics became hard to perform in a colder environment and especially when there is snow, so I stopped practicing.

I wanted to get back into the sport eventually, and figured that a lighter body weight would work even better. I admit that I also had some body image issues (and still do) as I found myself to look a little stocky, as I have never been a fan of the bulky muscular look, and was more into aesthetics. So I tried to diet down just by eating a little less, but it didn't have much impact on my body weight.

My friend started dieting by following a low carb routine, and that kind of influenced me to do the same. That's when my full blown eating disorder came to fruition.

Between January - May 2018, I began eating less and less. Didn't know much about nutrition so I wasn't counting. If I look back now, I was probably getting less than 1000 or maybe 800 calories a day. Ate the same foods everyday, feared carbs like the devil. Even drank less than half a glass of water per day because of scale weight. Like I said, it was probably the worst time of my life. All while balancing school, had no energy to function or even think and felt like I was about to drop dead 24/7. Dieting during the winter didn't make it any easier, especially when the temperatures here can reach as low as -30c.

I knew that I couldn't sustain this forever and vowed to end it in May. I finished my diet off with a 40 hour dry fast, which is no food or water, and weighed in at 114lbs at 5'9, while being water and glycogen depleted, the lowest weight I had ever been in my adult life, but I gained back about 4lbs the following week which was probably pure water and glycogen.

Maintaining a low body weight was difficult. I bought a food scale and started counting following the end of my diet, and came to the realization that my metabolism was heavily impacted; as I had lost a lot of muscle mass, generally moved around a lot less, and my body was cold 24/7 even in the summer. I became more informed about nutrition, genetics, metabolism and just a lot of the theoretical side of human physiology through numerous informative sources.

Earlier this year, I started reverse dieting. Gaining a bit of weight since then but going from as low as 1700 to nearly 2100 calories a day, which I plan to keep building up. Gained some muscle mass, strength and most importantly health.

The reason that I am being so specific about my calorie intake is to let my body adapt slowly. I already repaired my metabolism and now I only want it to be faster. I doubt that number itself is perfect though, on some days I might eat more or less but I try to ballpark it.

I'm not looking to gain weight at the moment, but if it happens, then so be it.

The biggest point that I'd like to clarify are my hunger cues. I'll be 100% honest in what I am about to say. The truth is that I don't feel hungry 24/7. Of course I get hunger cues like any other person, but not to the point where it's all I think about. I eat big, and when I say big I mean big.

I go by natural appetite for the most part, while still making sure that I hit my calories for the day. Sometimes, I'll eat a little more and sometimes a little less.

Recently I've been doing cardio as well, so I have to eat even more because of this, sometimes upwards to 2500 and occasionally more than that.

By no means is my life perfect now, but compared to the hell that I experienced a year ago, I'm happy that I made it this far, and plan to go even further.

I feel better, sleep better, eat better. It's enough for now.

The reason I decided to post here was because a fitness youtuber recently started doing the same thing that I'm pretty much doing, except they are going all out and I'm happy for them. I also feel like it's a good message for people like me. I'd be glad to share that person's name if you wish. Trying to stay shredded year round is outright dangerous and almost impossible and I wish that more people could share and spread that message.

[Andrew578]

Hi guys, I need some help I'm 17 and I always find myself bingeing most nights a week. I am restricting myself but then at night I can't help it and just legit eat everything in site. I finished a whole packet of cereal tonight with milk. Please I need some help. Thanks

[letsallmakeit]

Eat for the present moment.

Food will always be there.

Remind yourself that right now, in the moments you're going hungry because you want to 'save it up', you're wasting time you will NEVER get back. Every second you waste feeling hungry, you are pissing it away because you want to control your body.

Time is the only asset you will NEVER get back. Spend it doing things you want to do, eating what you WANT to eat. You have one life.

thanks a lot for replying!

[letsallmakeit]

hey adam. so yesterday i was hungry and ate something someone else cooked (was only rice what she cooked) and i saw the quantity and panicked! it was delicious, but i didn’t ate it all because i saw a lot of food in the plate, but i ate a lot. anyways, since im feeling a bit sick i haven’t went to the gym in like 1-2 weeks. it’s gotten better, but i do get hungry and even when sedentary i have this mindset of not eating too much because of no activity. this is something i will work with little by little, but yesterday night i felt a bit bad and anxious because i ate too much while not working out. i woke up feeling full and i was like. dang i must had been in a surplus because im full.

i do need to gain weight but i need to also control the mindset of not eating enough if not exercising.

you had this right? recommendations? right now i have the thought of eating little less since i didn’t went to the gym, but i will eat exactly the same since i’ve gotten sick and not less because maybe yesterday i ate more.

not training is whats making me anxious and not eating more.

i know one answer would be to stop training, but that is extremely dificult to do.

[AdamWW]

hey adam. so yesterday i was hungry and ate something someone else cooked (was only rice what she cooked) and i saw the quantity and panicked! it was delicious, but i didn’t ate it all because i saw a lot of food in the plate, but i ate a lot. anyways, since im feeling a bit sick i haven’t went to the gym in like 1-2 weeks. it’s gotten better, but i do get hungry and even when sedentary i have this mindset of not eating too much because of no activity. this is something i will work with little by little, but yesterday night i felt a bit bad and anxious because i ate too much while not working out. i woke up feeling full and i was like. dang i must had been in a surplus because im full.

i do need to gain weight but i need to also control the mindset of not eating enough if not exercising.

you had this right? recommendations? right now i have the thought of eating little less since i didn’t went to the gym, but i will eat exactly the same since i’ve gotten sick and not less because maybe yesterday i ate more.

not training is whats making me anxious and not eating more.

i know one answer would be to stop training, but that is extremely dificult to do.

I certainly have/had this and it's a difficult thing to get over.

The primary reason you're panicking is because you have a direct mental link between working out and food. That is the issue.

When you started restricting, you likely learned about calorie burn, energy expenditure from movement, and tried to calculate in your head what you need. That doesn't work for people who are in recovery.

You cannot treat your body like most people do, because most people aren't trying to recover from an ED, so attempting to workout the magic number of balanced intake vs. movement just cannot happen. i know it feels logical to try and eat less, but it's just not the case.

Here is what I will say: if you FEEL hunger, there is a reason. Regardless of whether you exercise or not, your body does things you cannot see which burn energy, and that is why you're hungry. It isn't just about movement at the gym or when you play sports, etc. An ED will eat away at your bones, your connective tissues, your organs, your BRAIN, everything...

When you feel hunger even if you're not active, there is a reason for it: your body is demanding energy to repair OTHER stuff; that's why it exists. It is not trying to trick you, it is not trying to make you fat, it is simply trying to make you a strong, functioning human.

This is where seeing food as medicine can be helpful.

Often times when I find myself questioning 'why am I hungry?', 'i shoudn't be hungry, I didn't even workout!'... what I do is mentally picture the organs, tissues, bones, everything inside me as a damaged component of my whole self. I picture my brittle bones, my aching joints, my tired mind, and when I get hungry I then see the food as the medicine that will cure it. I picture the nutrients going into my damaged cells, fixing them, and giving me the ability to finally grow back what I lost.

It's also very helpful simply see hunger for what is it: a NATURAL feeling that exists for a reason. People nowadays always try to 'hack' their hunger or trick themselves into eating less. That makes sense if you weigh 500 pounds, but if you're coming from the ED, YOUR hunger is there for a reason... YOUR hunger exists because your body is screaming out for help.

Try seeing the rice as a means to provide your body that energy it needs to patch all the broken pieces you have. It's not happening because it's trying to 'trick you' into something... it's trying to help you.

[letsallmakeit]

I certainly have/had this and it's a difficult thing to get over.

The primary reason you're panicking is because you have a direct mental link between working out and food. That is the issue.

When you started restricting, you likely learned about calorie burn, energy expenditure from movement, and tried to calculate in your head what you need. That doesn't work for people who are in recovery.

You cannot treat your body like most people do, because most people aren't trying to recover from an ED, so attempting to workout the magic number of balanced intake vs. movement just cannot happen. i know it feels logical to try and eat less, but it's just not the case.

Here is what I will say: if you FEEL hunger, there is a reason. Regardless of whether you exercise or not, your body does things you cannot see which burn energy, and that is why you're hungry. It isn't just about movement at the gym or when you play sports, etc. An ED will eat away at your bones, your connective tissues, your organs, your BRAIN, everything...

When you feel hunger even if you're not active, there is a reason for it: your body is demanding energy to repair OTHER stuff; that's why it exists. It is not trying to trick you, it is not trying to make you fat, it is simply trying to make you a strong, functioning human.

This is where seeing food as medicine can be helpful.

Often times when I find myself questioning 'why am I hungry?', 'i shoudn't be hungry, I didn't even workout!'... what I do is mentally picture the organs, tissues, bones, everything inside me as a damaged component of my whole self. I picture my brittle bones, my aching joints, my tired mind, and when I get hungry I then see the food as the medicine that will cure it. I picture the nutrients going into my damaged cells, fixing them, and giving me the ability to finally grow back what I lost.

It's also very helpful simply see hunger for what is it: a NATURAL feeling that exists for a reason. People nowadays always try to 'hack' their hunger or trick themselves into eating less. That makes sense if you weigh 500 pounds, but if you're coming from the ED, YOUR hunger is there for a reason... YOUR hunger exists because your body is screaming out for help.

Try seeing the rice as a means to provide your body that energy it needs to patch all the broken pieces you have. It's not happening because it's trying to 'trick you' into something... it's trying to help you.

wow adam! thanks so much for replying!

[AdamWW]

wow adam! thanks so much for replying!

Anytime dude. Keep it up!

[ChuckersT]

Well... Ive been making good progress. The past few weeks, I have actually been eating at different restaurants, eating different foods and not being anal about what I eat. It feels good to go out to eat and not order a chicken breast and a side salad. I even experienced curry for the 1st time and it was amazing! I also stopped weighing myself everyday. Now, only on Fridays.

I still struggle sometimes. I freak out about what I might weigh, but keep pushing through. I have gained weight, and I am good with it. Im glad to see that I am making process!

Question: Sometimes when I eat a lot, I get really hot. Is this normal? I am a super cold person. I have a heated blanket and a space heater at my chair. But, Ive been going to bed and not using the covers because I am so hot. This is new to me.

[AdamWW]

Question: Sometimes when I eat a lot, I get really hot. Is this normal? I am a super cold person. I have a heated blanket and a space heater at my chair. But, Ive been going to bed and not using the covers because I am so hot. This is new to me.

Yup -- 100% normal.

Keep in mind, normal/non-starved people don't need heating blankets in the summer, or a space heater....

[letsallmakeit]

i made a mistake. i thought i could count calories to make sure i hit my daily calories and that brings me anxiety. last time i weighted myself and i was 144 and i recently upped calories from 2500 ish to 2800 ish and i weighted today and saw an increase of two pounds and i freaked out. im going to try and not weight myself.

[AdamWW]

i made a mistake. i thought i could count calories to make sure i hit my daily calories and that brings me anxiety. last time i weighted myself and i was 144 and i recently upped calories from 2500 ish to 2800 ish and i weighted today and saw an increase of two pounds and i freaked out. im going to try and not weight myself.

Good call. If it causes you anxiety, best to not do that for a while.

I've gotten to the point where I actually find the weight increases funny... I step on the scale and see a crazy number and I can't help but giggle a bit

Still not tracking my calories though...I just know it's a lot.

[letsallmakeit]

Good call. If it causes you anxiety, best to not do that for a while.

I've gotten to the point where I actually find the weight increases funny... I step on the scale and see a crazy number and I can't help but giggle a bit

Still not tracking my calories though...I just know it's a lot.

may i ask why you find it funny tho? because weight fluctuates a lot daily or because you just say “ha! idc :P” i just saw that huge increase and was like wtf, but then i said “meh prob water weight from the increase”.

question, did you felt lightheaded during or after workout?

sometimes i feel ****ed up after working out. dizzy, lightheaded, brainfog, tired and even anxiety rises. weird tho.

[AdamWW]

may i ask why you find it funny tho? because weight fluctuates a lot daily or because you just say “ha! idc :P” i just saw that huge increase and was like wtf, but then i said “meh prob water weight from the increase”.

question, did you felt lightheaded during or after workout?

sometimes i feel ****ed up after working out. dizzy, lightheaded, brainfog, tired and even anxiety rises. weird tho.

Mainly funny because the numbers don't seem to ever match how I feel or look, etc, and I'm starting to just feel silly for ever caring about what the number said. My only reason for bothering to weigh myself is just to make sure i'm still gaining weight, and that's it. So it's funny to me when I jump like 2-3 pounds in a couple days but feel exactly the same... it's humorous that I ever gave a damn I think.

As far as dizziness goes, it depends. Working out involved increasing abdominal pressure, and for me sometimes on leg days when I do heavy squats on a fed-stomach, that increased pressure can cause some wobbly feelings because it changes blood pressure, etc.

It also depends on sleep, too, because if I try and train hard after a not to great night of sleep, after the workout I feel like sleeping for a day straight. But it's highly variable.

I've been experimenting with what i can stomach best pre-training, and for me liquid calories work best around training. If I just blend up frozen bananas, spinach, almond milk, flax seeds, protein, and oats, I can train feeling awesome about 1hr later... whereas a cooked solid meal will have me dragging just because my stomach is stuffed.

What lifting program are you following? You might simply be spending too much time in the gym or training with too much bad volume.

[edrecoveryboii]

Alright, review of two weeks of vacation with no calorie counting or weighing myself: Down to 127LBS, my lower ever. Thought that restaurant foods and plenty of snacking and a glass of wine here and there would sort it out but apparantly not.

Back to tracking calories to make sure i hit my minimums. Still having real appetite problems and as such reply heavily on high calorie shakes before bed to hit my calorie count. Seems like the easiest way to get the calories in but man is it a struggle, like a 1500cal shake can take me 3+ hours to finish.

On that note - anyone got high calorie shake recipes? Need some variation lol.

Two things that make hitting my calories harder are trying to hit sensible macros (otherwise i would obv just drink olive oil or something) and avoiding straight sugar.

Anyone tried to greatest a surplus on basically just fat? Like 40-50% of your intake?

[letsallmakeit]

Mainly funny because the numbers don't seem to ever match how I feel or look, etc, and I'm starting to just feel silly for ever caring about what the number said. My only reason for bothering to weigh myself is just to make sure i'm still gaining weight, and that's it. So it's funny to me when I jump like 2-3 pounds in a couple days but feel exactly the same... it's humorous that I ever gave a damn I think.

As far as dizziness goes, it depends. Working out involved increasing abdominal pressure, and for me sometimes on leg days when I do heavy squats on a fed-stomach, that increased pressure can cause some wobbly feelings because it changes blood pressure, etc.

It also depends on sleep, too, because if I try and train hard after a not to great night of sleep, after the workout I feel like sleeping for a day straight. But it's highly variable.

I've been experimenting with what i can stomach best pre-training, and for me liquid calories work best around training. If I just blend up frozen bananas, spinach, almond milk, flax seeds, protein, and oats, I can train feeling awesome about 1hr later... whereas a cooked solid meal will have me dragging just because my stomach is stuffed.

What lifting program are you following? You might simply be spending too much time in the gym or training with too much bad volume.

one of my biggest problems is that i pee too much even when limiting water intake. i go 5+ times in a day and sometimes i wake up to pee several times. my sleep is 6-8 hours. im doing full body greyskull LP around 15 sets total per workout (except deadlift because i do 2 sets instead of 3). 3 days per week. im 6’ weighted about 146 this morning.

mate, thanks a lot for replying!

[AdamWW]

one of my biggest problems is that i pee too much even when limiting water intake. i go 5+ times in a day and sometimes i wake up to pee several times. my sleep is 6-8 hours. im doing full body greyskull LP around 15 sets total per workout (except deadlift because i do 2 sets instead of 3). 3 days per week. im 6’ weighted about 146 this morning.

mate, thanks a lot for replying!

5 times of peeing a day isn't 'a lot', most people go between 5-10 times per day...

[Smartfinil]

Thanks for sharing this information.

[letsallmakeit]

5 times of peeing a day isn't 'a lot', most people go between 5-10 times per day...

hehe. but waking up to pee a lot? btw, therapist told me to eat 1 meal two times a week of w/e my family member cooks. im actually excited to see what my family member cooks. i have thoughts of leaving food if it’s too much, but slowly i will recover.

therapy mostly for ocd.

[AdamWW]

hehe. but waking up to pee a lot? btw, therapist told me to eat 1 meal two times a week of w/e my family member cooks. im actually excited to see what my family member cooks. i have thoughts of leaving food if it’s too much, but slowly i will recover.

I get up 1-2 times every night to pee... not a big deal.

[letsallmakeit]

I get up 1-2 times every night to pee... not a big deal.

got it thanks for replying!

[231109]

Been forever since I posted on this thread, but things have gotten bad again. I recently participated in kickboxing tournament and had to cut weight. I was nervous so I started cutting my calories too early I tried to go on keto and IF 6 weeks out (side note cutting out carbs completely is really only a thing in the days leading up to weigh ins). I was training almost daily sometimes twice a day restricting my calories and carbs. I ended up binging at least once a week on what ever I had in the house. I then started purging after the binges. Pre camp weight I was something like 173, before I completely slashed my water weight I think I was 168 - 170. The water cut brought me down to 157. After weigh ins I went ham to refuel drinking tons of pedialyte and gaterade and eating lots of "clean" carbs to refuel. The next day I binged again under the guise of refueling. With the tournament done I binged again having all the food carb/salty food I had restricted. And then again, and again. All together 6 days of binging, the binges have been getting smaller 6000 -> 4500, I currently weigh in at 178-179. My body image is all messed up since my abs are cloudy now when I could see veins on them before. I'm worried that I did actually gain 10 pounds of fat in a week of binging. My training routine isn't as intense. I also just want to have a normal relationship with food again, I'm just thinking about it too much. I'm trying to not be too hard on myself and just stabilize. A few years ago I got locked in the cycle of binging, purging, and starving myself and I don't want to go down that road again. Where do I go from here?

[6ixer]

I've posted on this thread before but im looking for some more tips, I was able to put on a few pounds over the past 2 months however I feel like its not enough or what I wanted. I was hoping I would have put more on. For the past few weeks ive been stalling and bouncing back and forth from 110lbs-114lbs im 19 and 5"7 but I cant seem to hit any higher. I honestly dont know what im doing wrong I've been lifting and I've noticed some increase in size which is a good thing im not lifting to lose weight and I always make sure im eating after I am done at the gym. I just picked up some new Protien powder hoping I can throw this in my milkshake and it'll help me break through with my weight I've tried powders before mainly mass gainers and it was super uncomfortable im hoping this one is different considering it is Lactose-Free. If anyone has any tips on how I can breakthrough this weight please let me know anything helps.

[AdamWW]

I've posted on this thread before but im looking for some more tips, I was able to put on a few pounds over the past 2 months however I feel like its not enough or what I wanted. I was hoping I would have put more on. For the past few weeks ive been stalling and bouncing back and forth from 110lbs-114lbs im 19 and 5"7 but I cant seem to hit any higher. I honestly dont know what im doing wrong I've been lifting and I've noticed some increase in size which is a good thing im not lifting to lose weight and I always make sure im eating after I am done at the gym. I just picked up some new Protien powder hoping I can throw this in my milkshake and it'll help me break through with my weight I've tried powders before mainly mass gainers and it was super uncomfortable im hoping this one is different considering it is Lactose-Free. If anyone has any tips on how I can breakthrough this weight please let me know anything helps.

easy: more calories. plain and simple.

Whatever you're eating now, add several hundred calories, and do not increase activity. Done.

[thegymbum]

Just dropping in to say hi to everyone. I hadn’t been on this forum for years, so of course haven’t participated in this thread. I last checked in right around when determined passed and it hasn’t felt the same since.

I’m going to read back and catch up in a minute, butbsinge it’s been so long wanted to do a brief re-intro reply so I don’t feel like I’m butting in as badly!! I’ve struggled with mainly anorexia and compulsive exercise for the past ~22 years. I’m 34 now, and have had some degree of success with recovery for the past ~4 years after severe years of battling severe anorexia followed by round after round of treatment and partial weight restoration followed by relapse back to where I was.

At age 30 I had my nost successful recovery venture and 2 years of what I’d consider real recovery. My relapse 2 years ago wasn’t a total back-track, but the beginning of a more well hidden exercise addiction and cycling between the bare minimum healthy BMI and underweight but not emaciated. Easier to keep hidden when you can use your redound passion for gymnastics as an excuse, ha.

Anyway that’s more than long enough lol but I’ve been strugglinv than I have in a ew years and the restrictive side of my ED and feelings of wanting to get back to a low weight have recently resurfaced, so I’m hoping for some support in keeping those feelings under wraps!!!

Nice to meet you all...

[thegymbum]

Been forever since I posted on this thread, but things have gotten bad again. I recently participated in kickboxing tournament and had to cut weight. I was nervous so I started cutting my calories too early I tried to go on keto and IF 6 weeks out (side note cutting out carbs completely is really only a thing in the days leading up to weigh ins). I was training almost daily sometimes twice a day restricting my calories and carbs. I ended up binging at least once a week on what ever I had in the house. I then started purging after the binges. Pre camp weight I was something like 173, before I completely slashed my water weight I think I was 168 - 170. The water cut brought me down to 157. After weigh ins I went ham to refuel drinking tons of pedialyte and gaterade and eating lots of "clean" carbs to refuel. The next day I binged again under the guise of refueling. With the tournament done I binged again having all the food carb/salty food I had restricted. And then again, and again. All together 6 days of binging, the binges have been getting smaller 6000 -> 4500, I currently weigh in at 178-179. My body image is all messed up since my abs are cloudy now when I could see veins on them before. I'm worried that I did actually gain 10 pounds of fat in a week of binging. My training routine isn't as intense. I also just want to have a normal relationship with food again, I'm just thinking about it too much. I'm trying to not be too hard on myself and just stabilize. A few years ago I got locked in the cycle of binging, purging, and starving myself and I don't want to go down that road again. Where do I go from here?

Sorry to hear you’ve slipped back into things! It’s crazy how easy it is for all the thoughts and feelings and behaviors to come back when you thought you had things under control. I can totally relate. Don’t lose sight of the reasons you wanted to recover in the first place. They’re still there. Sounds like you worked really hard to get where you were a few months ago, and it’s possible to get that back! Keep fighting.