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  1. #2011
    Registered User Dudebro91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Recovery from an ED can resemble recovery from any addiction and is commonly modeled against 5 basic steps:

    Pre-contemplation - This stage is characterized by denial of alcohol or drug addiction. The substance abuser may not even think he or she has any kind of problem and is absolutely fine with their habit. In this stage you will hear words like, “I can handle my drugs or alcohol”, “I am in control, it’s not that bad”, “I don’t have an addiction problem,” etc… A person in this phase is almost entirely unapproachable unless they are willing to believe that they might have a problem with substance abuse.

    Contemplation - The abuser may start to suffer consequences at this time, like health, legal, & social problems with friends, family, & co-workers. The problem is starting to become more obvious and awareness begins to take place. Many addicts will bargain with themselves or loved ones in this phase. They want to change but are unsure how and are in fear of treatment, recovery, expenses, detox pain, emotions, and the like.

    Preparation - The addict begins to prepare for recovery. In this stage they may attend a few 12 step meetings and make a firm resolution to stop drinking or using. This is usually the “trying to control consumption” phase. Some methods are being experimented with, like switching out liquor for beer, replacing their main drug of choice with other drugs, trying to control the amount they take, trying to only do it on the weekends, waiting for a certain time at night to do it, and so on and so forth.

    Action - Usually the attempts and methods in the pre-contemplation stage have failed or are starting to fail. The addict will begin to take direct action towards their recovery. They may attend an inpatient addiction treatment program, and follow a continuum of care after their stay. They begin to learn more about the disease of addiction, work through issues that may be blocking them from growth towards a healthier life, acceptance of not being able to drink or use again, and understanding that they can change.

    Maintenance - The alcoholic or addict will focus on maintaining their recovery program as well as implementing the tools they learned in treatment.



    From what you wrote, you appear to fall more into the Preparation stage, even though you've taken some steps and are highly aware of your triggers. You've taken some action, but you're also displaying classic practices of what is often termed 'quasi-recovery'.

    'Quasi-recovery', in a nutshell, means that you have made progress on your path but due to a lack of support, momentum, reinforcement by peers or a professional, added life stress, etc, you're falling into bad habits and not fully breaking off from your disordered behaviors.

    For some people, they are able to balance a staged approach in recovery and 'go slow' with removal of triggers, etc. Others, like me, have to 'break it off' with all manner of triggers because if I have even the remote chance of testing my weight, weighing food, weighing myself, etc, it triggers me into wanting to control my food again.

    I would urge you to consider what you already know on a more conscious level. Ask yourself:

    1. How does this action serve me?

    If weighing your food, weighing yourself, tracking macros, are all things you KNOW will hurt your progress, then it's obvious: you need to stop. Throw away your scales and measuring cups, don't buy more, remove your tracking apps, just stop. Stop looking as your stomach, body, 'problem areas' in the mirror... just anything YOU KNOW is the ED pushing you and not your true self.

    You need to treat these actions much like a cancer, a disease, or a foreign person talking in your ear, because that is, truly, what is going on. In your mind, there is no longer just you: you're sharing headspace with an ED alongside your true self. You need to push the ED out, so only you remain.

    Don't feed it. Every action you do which YOU know is triggering, feeds the ED. Starve it out... do what you gotta do.

    2. What will my reaction be, depending on the outcome?

    If you're having trouble resisting, ask yourself "if my weight goes up, or my stomach looks puffy for some reason, what will I do as a result"? If you find yourself KNOWING that a slight increase in weight, or not being able to weigh food, track your calories, etc, will be a trigger, then identify that AHEAD OF TIME. Don't wait until after... use your experience and your knowledge (which you clearly have), so tackle this stuff right then and there, and do something else.

    Anything you even think MIGHT trigger you to continue the bad behaviors needs to stop.

    3. How else can I behave, or what else can I do RIGHT NOW instead of this triggering action?

    If you find yourself trying to open or re-download MyFitnessPal, for example, then be MINDFUL of that right then and there. What purpose does that serve? How will knowing your food intake actually benefit you? Does anyone else actually care? Will it make your life better?

    Truly, take several minutes to ponder the outcomes. Think CRITICALLY about why you make your choices. Your ED is going to push you to jump to action without thinking. The ED is basic, quick, and forceful, but it's not 'smart'. You need to use your critical mind to focus on the big picture. Ask yourself the important questions, challenge yourself, be OK with being UNCOMFORTABLE, and you'll win over the ED.


    Like I said, it's great you've found what is so triggering to you, so it's time to take action.

    One quote I love is the following:

    "You can't think your way to the right action, but you can act your way to the right way of thinking"



    The take-home from this message is that, when you're in the midst of obsessions, addictions, and many forms of mental disorders, trying to 'outthink' the problem simply doesn't work. This disease has been ingrained into your process for a decade... you need to CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS and be OK with how you might feel mentally horrible in the process and your thoughts around food and your body will follow as a result.

    So like I said, take action: ACT by not logging foods. ACT by taking a deep breath and doing something else instead of engaging in your triggering actions. ACT by choosing to be around friends and eat out at places you don't know the nutrition for instead of making the same things all the time because they're safe.

    Good luck man.
    Bro i can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this out, really i wasn't expecting such a detailed response. I totally agree with you that i'm past contemplation, i'm at the point where I've had enough of my destructive behaviours and i'm ready to tackle this in 2018 as it's gone on long enough, i know i have a problem. One big worry i have is that if i stop counting calories, scanning barcodes, weighing my food, tracking my intake will i know if i am eating enough? Because in all this obsessive weighing my food I have managed to gain a considerable amount of weight, and if i begin pouring my cereal without weighing, drizzling the mayo on my sandwich will i know i've eaten enough calories?

    It's probably a silly question. As a way of lessening the anxiety, what do you think about maybe doing it in a more gradual sense and not track say 1 of my meals then progressing from there?
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  2. #2012
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dudebro91 View Post
    Bro i can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this out, really i wasn't expecting such a detailed response. I totally agree with you that i'm past contemplation, i'm at the point where I've had enough of my destructive behaviours and i'm ready to tackle this in 2018 as it's gone on long enough, i know i have a problem. One big worry i have is that if i stop counting calories, scanning barcodes, weighing my food, tracking my intake will i know if i am eating enough? Because in all this obsessive weighing my food I have managed to gain a considerable amount of weight, and if i begin pouring my cereal without weighing, drizzling the mayo on my sandwich will i know i've eaten enough calories?

    It's probably a silly question. As a way of lessening the anxiety, what do you think about maybe doing it in a more gradual sense and not track say 1 of my meals then progressing from there?
    I think a gradual approach is fine if you can continue to see progress. You just need to be very, very honest with yourself if you notice issues and work every day to fight them.
    Abs are cool and all, but have you tried donuts?

    Live life like you're gunna die... cause you're gunna.
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  3. #2013
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    ^ If u ll going to learn how YOUR OWN body handles food again, this ll be no problem, i bet u ll find a way to eat enough. I have stopped counting my food 3 days after i have started my recovery, and I was able to put on a respectable amount of necessary weight and i can maintain now a healthy weight again without any affort and without giving any fk about what i eat. ( Yes i am not eating chicken rice + broc... I finally eat like a normal person does. ) Btw beautiful post about addiction + ED!! Keep in mind, if u have an ED, u have a tendency for addiction issues, the more i have learned about myself + anorexia, i have realised, that my problem never was FOOD. Instead as brutal as it sounds staying food deprived, and feeling that constant hunger "high" all day, what brings you to a a calm dark place. But with every addiction, it has a price. Your friends, your social life, and your LIFE.
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  4. #2014
    Registered User Dudebro91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Grappa View Post
    ^ If u ll going to learn how YOUR OWN body handles food again, this ll be no problem, i bet u ll find a way to eat enough. I have stopped counting my food 3 days after i have started my recovery, and I was able to put on a respectable amount of necessary weight and i can maintain now a healthy weight again without any affort and without giving any fk about what i eat. ( Yes i am not eating chicken rice + broc... I finally eat like a normal person does. ) Btw beautiful post about addiction + ED!! Keep in mind, if u have an ED, u have a tendency for addiction issues, the more i have learned about myself + anorexia, i have realised, that my problem never was FOOD. Instead as brutal as it sounds staying food deprived, and feeling that constant hunger "high" all day, what brings you to a a calm dark place. But with every addiction, it has a price. Your friends, your social life, and your LIFE.
    There must be so much freedom in not counting food and just eating what the fk you want. I lost a pound this week due to higher stress levels and a bit of undereating. I'm going to do my best to stop counting everything I eat and just focus on eating like a normal person. In the world of fitness and bodybuilding the word 'macros' is thrown in your face on every other fitness video it's hard to ignore it.

    Appreciate you making this post, I needed to get back on track this week and start gaining again.
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  5. #2015
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dudebro91 View Post
    There must be so much freedom in not counting food and just eating what the fk you want. I lost a pound this week due to higher stress levels and a bit of undereating. I'm going to do my best to stop counting everything I eat and just focus on eating like a normal person. In the world of fitness and bodybuilding the word 'macros' is thrown in your face on every other fitness video it's hard to ignore it.

    Appreciate you making this post, I needed to get back on track this week and start gaining again.
    we all have that freedom, you included.
    Abs are cool and all, but have you tried donuts?

    Live life like you're gunna die... cause you're gunna.
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