Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[ErikTheElectric]

Sorry for being such a downer especially when most of you are doing great, but I needed to share this with someone...

Again, as it's been said many times. These are things that you need to disclose to those around you, your loved ones and close friends that know of your struggles. THAT is what will get you to a better place. You need to look into WHY you feel this way about yourself, what's the underlying thought process as to WHY you "feel it's your fault". Use your rational thinking and try to combat those thoughts when they arise. Have you considered therapy?

[Bentley41]

Hey ladies and gents. Binged again today. Idk what happened, all week i felt really good like i was over it, then today i woke up, felt like chit, went surfing, then came home and ate a bunch of food. Tried to take a nap, but i couldnt. I didnt go to the gym, i just rotted all day lol. Well im just going to not feel bad about it, pick myself up and get on it tomorrow. Def gonna try to not look in the mirror and not gonna go near a scale for a few days. Im never going to binge again. lol its just not worth it. Still trying to get in touch with a therapist and chit. But i went 10 days without bingeing, so thats a victory in my book

[ErikTheElectric]

How proactive are you truly being with "trying to get in touch with a therapist"? If binge eating is truly taking a handle over your life, and is causing disfunction in your life. Then you need to take control of the situation. One method that works very well is to sit down and write out a list. What does binge eating GIVE to you (most of these "pros" are short term satisfactions to the human mind) and what does it TAKE from you (this is typically a gigantic list).

[Bentley41]

How proactive are you truly being with "trying to get in touch with a therapist"? If binge eating is truly taking a handle over your life, and is causing disfunction in your life. Then you need to take control of the situation. One method that works very well is to sit down and write out a list. What does binge eating GIVE to you (most of these "pros" are short term satisfactions to the human mind) and what does it TAKE from you (this is typically a gigantic list).

i must have emailed at least 10 (including the one you told me to) and have had one person email me back and refer me to someone else who didnt respond lol.
Let me put down this list here and maybe someone can add to it.
Pros
Feels good for the moment
Makes me full for moment
Gets rid of stress for a moment
makes me more sympathetic

Cons
reduces my overall quality of life
makes me feel trapped
keeps me from getting the body i want
weighs me down (physically and mentally)
kills my self confidence
makes me feel out of control of my life
reduces my creativity
takes away my piece of mind
always thinking about food instead of things i want to think about
excess fat
can develop to become even worse
emotionally tolling
hurts my workouts from being too full
have to adjust lifting belt (its a lever belt)
my clothes fit weird
makes me feel like im spinning my wheels
makes me feel over all bad, and worthless
its frowned upon
i just dont want to fuking do it anymore

[AdamWW]

Hey ladies and gents. Binged again today. Idk what happened, all week i felt really good like i was over it, then today i woke up, felt like chit, went surfing, then came home and ate a bunch of food. Tried to take a nap, but i couldnt. I didnt go to the gym, i just rotted all day lol. Well im just going to not feel bad about it, pick myself up and get on it tomorrow. Def gonna try to not look in the mirror and not gonna go near a scale for a few days. Im never going to binge again. lol its just not worth it. Still trying to get in touch with a therapist and chit. But i went 10 days without bingeing, so thats a victory in my book

For someone who claims binging is a huge issue in their life, you seem awfully cavalier in how you talk about it sometimes.

[MosToorani]

@Adam & Grappa

Well .. If I could get professional help, I would in a heart beat .. The last time I tried, the therapist wanted to put me on pills.. and that's not good, obviously.

It's just mentally difficult .. I know what you guys are saying and trying to advice ... I just need to accept it and take the next step.

Cheers

MT

[Bentley41]

For someone who claims binging is a huge issue in their life, you seem awfully cavalier in how you talk about it sometimes.

yeah it more of a mindset thing for me. It's not good for me to think of myself as someone with an eating disorder, I find it just makes it worse. Although I'm still actively trying to find help, I just like to think of myself "never binge again" or "you don't do that anymore" "that's not you".
Let me tell you a secret, I know that I'm going binge again, but I don't let myself know that; because I'm truly never going to binge eat ever again.
I need help, but I'm never binge eating again. I need help discovering why it WAS a problem for me though

[AdamWW]

@Adam & Grappa

Well .. If I could get professional help, I would in a heart beat .. The last time I tried, the therapist wanted to put me on pills.. and that's not good, obviously.

It's just mentally difficult .. I know what you guys are saying and trying to advice ... I just need to accept it and take the next step.

Cheers

MT

You need to change something on your own then, because you've been saying this for over 3 months... probably more. I'm not trying to be hard on you but you don't seem to be willing to even try. People keep telling you options but you try to bargain with us, try to negotiate terms, etc...

[MosToorani]

You need to change something on your own then, because you've been saying this for over 3 months... probably more. I'm not trying to be hard on you but you don't seem to be willing to even try. People keep telling you options but you try to bargain with us, try to negotiate terms, etc...

It's just the fear of gaining excess fat..

It's difficult to accept that after a long struggle of losing weight .. i'm trying to purposely gain weight .. see how difficult it is for my brain to accept excess fat gain?

Anyways .. two more days of tracking and then the difficult part of this recovery begins..

Cheers

MT

[AdamWW]

It's just the fear of gaining excess fat..

It's difficult to accept that after a long struggle of losing weight .. i'm trying to purposely gain weight .. see how difficult it is for my brain to accept excess fat gain?

Anyways .. two more days of tracking and then the difficult part of this recovery begins..

Cheers

MT

More delays...

More bargaining...

You already know what you're doing wrong.

"Two more days"? What's so special about 2 more days? Do it now. Quit messing around and do something about it.

I swear Mos sometimes it's like you ignore everything people say and just read what you WANT to be there so you can avoid changing.

This has nothing to do with weight... this is about your MIND.

[MosToorani]

More delays...

More bargaining...

You already know what you're doing wrong.

"Two more days"? What's so special about 2 more days? Do it now. Quit messing around and do something about it.

I swear Mos sometimes it's like you ignore everything people say and just read what you WANT to be there so you can avoid changing.

This has nothing to do with weight... this is about your MIND.

I don't want to sound like a broken record (which I am already).

My scheduled weigh-in is on friday.

Fasting period for a month (ramadan) starts this saturday.

Those are the two main reasons. That's all.

I've told you guys many times in the past that I'm stubborn which is hurting me a lot. Combine that stubbornness with my OCD and you know the rest of the story.

Incoming rant

It's difficult FFS! It's difficult to change a habit of many years in a few months!

Cheers

MT

[AdamWW]

I don't want to sound like a broken record (which I am already).

My scheduled weigh-in is on friday.

Fasting period for a month (ramadan) starts this saturday.

Those are the two main reasons. That's all.

I've told you guys many times in the past that I'm stubborn which is hurting me a lot. Combine that stubbornness with my OCD and you know the rest of the story.

Incoming rant

It's difficult FFS! It's difficult to change a habit of many years in a few months!

Cheers

MT

Incoming Rant:

No shyt it's difficult. Don't forget, i'm in the process of recovering too.. the difference is I haven't tried to bargain with people, ask if it's OK to keep pounding carrots and lettuce, and trying to argue when I should at least be trying... even if it means failing.

Do you not see how it can be insulting having to repeat the same thing almost every day for months on end just receive the same response?

[ErikTheElectric]

@Adam & Grappa

Well .. If I could get professional help, I would in a heart beat .. The last time I tried, the therapist wanted to put me on pills.. and that's not good, obviously.

It's just mentally difficult .. I know what you guys are saying and trying to advice ... I just need to accept it and take the next step.

It seems like it's been months of months of bantering back and forth as to why you cannot ask for help (and get treatment for your eating disorder).
In times like this, it helps to understand that there are numerous cognitive disconnects that are happening. Sometimes, we aren't fully aware of them. So here's what's likely happening:

You are trying to justify your fear of asking for help because you are fearful of letting go of your disorder.
You are discussing your issues with controlling your food intake and the fixation of food with an online forum, yet cannot talk to medical professionals or your family about these issues. (which is the main problem)
You are again trying to justify not asking for psychological help because of medication, when in reality, no medical professional will "force" medication upon you for an eating disorder (FOOD is medicine), if any therapist tried to medicate you it was because you were deflecting your disorder and passing it off as "depression".

^ Be aware, acknowledge, and take the necessary steps to GETTING HELP. One of which is staying away from this forum.

[MosToorani]

Incoming Rant:

No shyt it's difficult. Don't forget, i'm in the process of recovering too.. the difference is I haven't tried to bargain with people, ask if it's OK to keep pounding carrots and lettuce, and trying to argue when I should at least be trying... even if it means failing.

Do you not see how it can be insulting having to repeat the same thing almost every day for months on end just receive the same response?

Yes.. Sorry.

Cheers

MT

[MosToorani]

It seems like it's been months of months of bantering back and forth as to why you cannot ask for help (and get treatment for your eating disorder).
In times like this, it helps to understand that there are numerous cognitive disconnects that are happening. Sometimes, we aren't fully aware of them. So here's what's likely happening:

You are trying to justify your fear of asking for help because you are fearful of letting go of your disorder.
You are discussing your issues with controlling your food intake and the fixation of food with an online forum, yet cannot talk to medical professionals or your family about these issues. (which is the main problem)
You are again trying to justify not asking for psychological help because of medication, when in reality, no medical professional will "force" medication upon you for an eating disorder (FOOD is medicine), if any therapist tried to medicate you it was because you were deflecting your disorder and passing it off as "depression".

^ Be aware, acknowledge, and take the necessary steps to GETTING HELP. One of which is staying away from this forum.

I've tried seeking professional help, Erik. We don't have therapists who specialize in EDs in this country.

My friends and family are already aware of my ED and they're supporting/helping as much as they can.

I'm active on this forum because there is no other source of help I can seek. People around me do not understand how difficult this struggle is. Family members think it's as easy as just eating the food. Friends are of the same opinion. "just eat" they say ..

Anyways .. Thank you for all the help.

Cheers

MT

[AdamWW]

I've tried seeking professional help, Erik. We don't have therapists who specialize in EDs in this country.

My friends and family are already aware of my ED and they're supporting/helping as much as they can.

I'm active on this forum because there is no other source of help I can seek. People around me do not understand how difficult this struggle is. Family members think it's as easy as just eating the food. Friends are of the same opinion. "just eat" they say ..

Anyways .. Thank you for all the help.

Cheers

MT

what country are you in? Bahrain?

Gee this was hard....


http://psychologistbahrain.com/services/

http://www.insightstherapy.org/psych...sychotherapist

http://royalbahrainhospital.com/doct...?location_id=1

http://www.insightstherapy.org/help-...elling-bahrain


obviously I don't know what city you're in, but have you really exhausted your search?

That took me all of 45 seconds...

[MosToorani]

what country are you in? Bahrain?

Gee this was hard....


http://psychologistbahrain.com/services/

http://www.insightstherapy.org/psych...sychotherapist

http://royalbahrainhospital.com/doct...?location_id=1

http://www.insightstherapy.org/help-...elling-bahrain


obviously I don't know what city you're in, but have you really exhausted your search?

That took me all of 45 seconds...

Yes.. Those are the options I have tried in the past.

I can't afford them. I don't get paid enough. I've already said that in the past.

anyways.. thanks man ..

I won't be as active on this forum anymore.

Good luck in your journey.

Cheers

MT

[AdamWW]

Yes.. Those are the options I have tried in the past.

I can't afford them. I don't get paid enough. I've already said that in the past.

anyways.. thanks man ..

I won't be as active on this forum anymore.

Good luck in your journey.

Cheers

MT

Mos, you said that no therapists in your country specialize in EDs, not that you can't afford them... refer to your post #1605 above

Are you being honest here or are you lying to cover your ass?

[gbullock32]

Mos, you said that no therapists in your country specialize in EDs, not that you can't afford them... refer to your post #1605 above

Are you being honest here or are you lying to cover your ass?

Seems to me Mos does not want to change, only to believe he does, seeking affirmation that he is making progress but wanting nothing more than justification.

[MosToorani]

Mos, you said that no therapists in your country specialize in EDs, not that you can't afford them... refer to your post #1605 above

Are you being honest here or are you lying to cover your ass?

Please refer to post #284 where I specifically mention that I can't afford to pay $160+ for a session.

Once again, English is my 3rd language..

Anyways .. Just let it be..

Cheers

MT

[MosToorani]

Seems to me Mos does not want to change, only to believe he does, seeking affirmation that he is making progress but wanting nothing more than justification.

If you say so buddy.

Unless you spent the time reading my posts in this thread, I'd appreciate if you don't just jump to conclusions.

Unless you know how it feels to be in my shoes, again, I'd appreciate you keep your judgement to .. yourself.

Cheers

MT

[gbullock32]

If you say so buddy.

Unless you spent the time reading my posts in this thread, I'd appreciate if you don't just jump to conclusions.

Unless you know how it feels to be in my shoes, again, I'd appreciate you keep your judgement to .. yourself.

Cheers

MT

I call it the way I see it, I am not here to be concerned with others feelings; I expect others to do the same to/for me.

[MosToorani]

I call it the way I see it, I am not here to be concerned with others feelings; I expect others to do the same to/for me.

It's okay.. I'm just frustrated .. I'm trying hard .. Well, in my point of view at least, I'm trying hard.. Definitely not as hard as I should be based on the advice given here but at least I haven't given up and I've taken the initial steps of increasing cals, not weighing myself daily .. the next step is not to track which I will soon enough.

Anyways .. Let it be.. I'll figure it out somehow.

Cheers

MT

[gbullock32]

It's okay.. I'm just frustrated .. I'm trying hard .. Well, in my point of view at least, I'm trying hard.. Definitely not as hard as I should be based on the advice given here but at least I haven't given up and I've taken the initial steps of increasing cals, not weighing myself daily .. the next step is not to track which I will soon enough.

Anyways .. Let it be.. I'll figure it out somehow.

Cheers

MT

No, you figured it out, you just never do anything about it. I may seem like I am being mean, but the truth hurts, deal with it.

[Grappa]

Yes.. Those are the options I have tried in the past.

I can't afford them. I don't get paid enough. I've already said that in the past.

anyways.. thanks man ..

I won't be as active on this forum anymore.

Good luck in your journey.

Cheers

MT

I was unable to afford a specialist too, but i have asked my parents/family to help me. Cuz i have wasted all of my saved money on alcohol and *****. I also had to travel 2 hours to reach my psychiatrist every day. But i have done anything in order to recover. She was an awesome psychiatrist, and yes she prescribed me SSRI-s too, i just told her that i am not gonna take it cuz i want to recover without it. She moved on and i made it without meds. You underestimate how much damage an individual can cause to his/her brain if he/she undereats. Read the minnesota study, that males do not had/have an ed, yet they started to develop symptomps cuz their brain taken a fkload of damage. I do not know what kind of ED u have, i have dealt with anorexia, and u know man, i loved it, i was addicted to my ED. ****ed up right? Maybe u do not understand this, but anorexia offers you everything, escape from reality, relief, and a dark yet calm place. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vlm4JsBsPE (this song describes my relationship with my ed more than anything, if u do not understand what i have said, this will explain everything.) But it comes with a price, it takes away your life, it destroys your relationships, it robs your time, it demolishes your emotions. And u pay with a big price for it. And my friend, the price is your life. I wanted to get better, i wanted to quit my habits, but my ed just grabbed back anytime i wanted to escape. My mind was shattered, i had a part who wanted to run, and an another part who wanted to stay and suffer. I have played this ****ed up game with my mind until it was almost too late.

Also i do not wanted to say this to you, cuz this phase is not for the soft heart. My psychiatrist told me this: Feed yourself as you would feed your own CHILDREN, treat your body the same way, and love yourself as you would love your own children.

If u really want to recover, u do EVERYTHING in order to get better. You understand me? EVERYTHING!! Even if it means u have to travel several hours, even if it means u have to get money from your family.

[MosToorani]

No, you figured it out, you just never do anything about it. I may seem like I am being mean, but the truth hurts, deal with it.

I meant mentally without external help of a therapist.

@Grappa

Thank you, buddy. When I say that you guys are an inspiration, I truly mean it.

I just have to accept that staying as lean as possible through tracking is hurting me. I have to accept that If I don't track calories or eat whatever I desire, in amounts that I desire, is okay and that gaining weight is okay. It's just the fear of weight gain that is fueling my ED.

The fear of becoming fat again. I know .. I know.. Body image or how my body looks is stupid in the grand scheme of things. The bigger picture is that I would feel a 1000 times better If I let myself be free of this ED. I know ..

Deep down, I know that is true and it is for my benefit... but 5-10 minutes later, my brain starts to play games again and fuels my fear of gaining weight and that I'll eventually become morbidly obese with a huge struggle of finding clothes bla bla..

I'm determined to win no matter how long it takes .. the sooner the better of course .. Hence I've put targets for myself that I plan to achieve!

On a brighter note though, gym progress has been great and I've been hitting PRs on bench etc

Cheers

MT

[Grappa]

^ And yes it is hard, it was hard for me too, iwas not easy for everyone. I had to chose, recovery or death. There was no other option for me, i was underweight, malnourished, i have not just looked thin my friend, i looked like someone who is going to die soon. And you know what was ****ing scary? When i moved home and i started to eat, my mother... I ll never going to forget that. Every night she opened my door and checked that i am ALIVE OR NOT. Do you have any idea how heart shattering this for me? I have never seen my father cry in my entire life, but when i have arrived home to get help he cried like a little kid. And ED is not a joke my friend. It is a terrible thing.

[MosToorani]

^ And yes it is hard, it was hard for me too, iwas not easy for everyone. I had to chose, recovery or death. There was no other option for me, i was underweight, malnourished, i have not just looked thin my friend, i looked like someone who is going to die soon. And you know what was ****ing scary? When i moved home and i started to eat, my mother... I ll never going to forget that. Every night she opened my door and checked that i am ALIVE OR NOT. Do you have any idea how heart shattering this for me? I have never seen my father cry in my entire life, but when i have arrived home to get help he cried like a little kid. And ED is not a joke my friend. It is a terrible thing.

That's truly heartbreaking my friend..

I hope no one goes through this and I hope you don't face the same thing ever again.

I'll make sure I don't go through it..

I'm determined to do so.

I will win.

Cheers

MT

[Grappa]

That's truly heartbreaking my friend..

I hope no one goes through this and I hope you don't face the same thing ever again.

I'll make sure I don't go through it..

I'm determined to do so.

I will win.

Cheers

MT

Past is past, the ink is dry. I am not going to face this again cuz i was able to turn around my life in a good way.

[AdamWW]

Best wishes to everyone. I will be gone from the forums for a while.

Stay healthy and don't give up