Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[AdamWW]

No worries. Not urgent!

[Grappa]

No worries. Not urgent!

I have answered ! \o/

[Strawng]

@Adam
Feel free to PM me questions anytime!

[AdamWW]

I have answered ! \o/

Thanks man! Got it and appreciate the advise.

@Adam
Feel free to PM me questions anytime!

Will do. I value various viewpoints. Thanks man.

[sonnydfrizzy]

@stawng and/or @grappa and/or @sonny

I have some recovery related questions I could use feedback on but i'd like to avoid triggering anyone else in here. Would any of you be willing to exchange PM's on here? Just wanted some feedback about a couple things.

Add me on FB and send me a PM

[AdamWW]

Would need actual name

[AlyssaRush]

How do you know that extreme hunger is linked to recovery? I don't know how to explain.. em ..

okay .. I'm hungry all the time .. and even when i consume large meals, i'm still hungry.. i can easily down 3 large pizzas (i've done it on my stupid "cheat" days)...

So what i'm trying to ask is... is it hunger due to recovery? or hunger due to stomach capacity? get me? *sigh*

I agree... not sure if i'm hungry all the time because of recovery - or because i've gradually eaten more and more = stomach capacity (:

[MosToorani]

Update

Met the local in-house psychologist that we have close to where I live .. not an ED specialist though ..

Anyways .. he prescribed me Seroxat. Is anyone familiar with this? Anyone been prescribed this at any point in their life?

If so, what are your thoughts?

Apparently it is supposed to diminish OCD thoughts and is an antidepressant?

MT

[Grappa]

Update

Met the local in-house psychologist that we have close to where I live .. not an ED specialist though ..

Anyways .. he prescribed me Seroxat. Is anyone familiar with this? Anyone been prescribed this at any point in their life?

If so, what are your thoughts?

Apparently it is supposed to diminish OCD thoughts and is an antidepressant?

MT

NONONONONO!!!! DO NOT TAKE SSRI-s DURING RECOVERY DO NOT!!!!!!!!! I also got prescribed ssri at the beginning, but i refused to take it. SSRI-s change your brain chemistry, which can lead to a false mental relief. The worst part of this stuff that it is actually works, but once u want to get off from pills, you are going to have withdrawal symptomps + mentally you will be where u were before. Personally i wanted to be recovered mentally without any drugs, i have consumed enough pills during my ED, so why i should trade one addiction for another.

[MosToorani]

NONONONONO!!!! DO NOT TAKE SSRI-s DURING RECOVERY DO NOT!!!!!!!!! I also got prescribed ssri at the beginning, but i refused to take it. SSRI-s change your brain chemistry, which can lead to a false mental relief. The worst part of this stuff that it is actually works, but once u want to get off from pills, you are going to have withdrawal symptomps + mentally you will be where u were before. Personally i wanted to be recovered mentally without any drugs, i have consumed enough pills during my ED, so why i should trade one addiction for another.

Thank you!

That's exactly what I was thinking ..

See .. That's the problem I'm facing here .. NO ED SPECIALIST AROUND!

MT

[Strawng]

@Mos
I took SSRIS for a few years before I developed my ED, & I strongly encourage you not to take them. If you decide you wish to try them, please do so with caution & I urge you to not do so during your recovery.

[MosToorani]

@Mos
I took SSRIS for a few years before I developed my ED, & I strongly encourage you not to take them. If you decide you wish to try them, please do so with caution & I urge you to not do so during your recovery.

I definitely won't do so!

I wasn't convinced in the first place and that's why I came here asking!

I'd rather take your advice than someone who would immediately put me on pills from the first session! Screw him! Unprofessional twat!

Cheers!

MT

[AdamWW]

Chiming in on SSRI's... took Paxil for over a year back in college... never again.

I hardly even remember that period of my life now... I was an emotionless, joyless zombie. The pains of starting the drug (worsening anxiety and panic attacks, night sweats, lack of ANY libido, the list goes on) and the even worse issues stopping it was not even close to worth it.

[fretslayer]

NONONONONO!!!! DO NOT TAKE SSRI-s DURING RECOVERY DO NOT!!!!!!!!! I also got prescribed ssri at the beginning, but i refused to take it. SSRI-s change your brain chemistry, which can lead to a false mental relief. The worst part of this stuff that it is actually works, but once u want to get off from pills, you are going to have withdrawal symptomps + mentally you will be where u were before. Personally i wanted to be recovered mentally without any drugs, i have consumed enough pills during my ED, so why i should trade one addiction for another.

I'm glad someone posted about this, as I was tempted to get medication again recently. I've taken anti-depressants in the past and at the time, they brought me back to life. I was on celexa for about 2 and half years, depression free, life was good. However, the medication eventually wore off and stopped working. My depression came back strong as ever and I was right back to where I started.

A few weeks ago, at the time I realized I had disordered food/workout issues that had become larger than I had ever been aware of previously I was a wreck. I wasn't sure I could manage, meds started to sound like a good idea again. Fortunately, I have been able to get to a slightly better mental/emotional state without them. Deep down, I felt like meds would just be a temporary relief, and even a crutch that would give me a false sense of recovery. I want to beat this with my true self. I know when I used them in the past, I felt great, and thought "I'm not depressed anymore!!" The issues were still there, just had a band aid covering them.

I think meds can be a huge help in recovery of course, not knocking them at all. Just be careful as they can be so good at taking away any discomfort that you think you're all "fixed" at least I did at that time.

The path to recovery is a hell of a lot harder without having that edge taken off, but I feel like it's more of my true self making the progress and doing the work if that makes sense.

[MosToorani]

I'm seriously thankful that you guys shared your experience with these sort of pills..

I'm glad I found this thread/forum!

Cheers!

MT

[Grappa]

I'm glad someone posted about this, as I was tempted to get medication again recently. I've taken anti-depressants in the past and at the time, they brought me back to life. I was on celexa for about 2 and half years, depression free, life was good. However, the medication eventually wore off and stopped working. My depression came back strong as ever and I was right back to where I started.

A few weeks ago, at the time I realized I had disordered food/workout issues that had become larger than I had ever been aware of previously I was a wreck. I wasn't sure I could manage, meds started to sound like a good idea again. Fortunately, I have been able to get to a slightly better mental/emotional state without them. Deep down, I felt like meds would just be a temporary relief, and even a crutch that would give me a false sense of recovery. I want to beat this with my true self. I know when I used them in the past, I felt great, and thought "I'm not depressed anymore!!" The issues were still there, just had a band aid covering them.

I think meds can be a huge help in recovery of course, not knocking them at all. Just be careful as they can be so good at taking away any discomfort that you think you're all "fixed" at least I did at that time.

The path to recovery is a hell of a lot harder without having that edge taken off, but I feel like it's more of my true self making the progress and doing the work if that makes sense.

This. The most important thing i have learned, pills/alcohol or any other drugs will not going to solve my problems, ONLY I CAN SOLVE MY PROBLEMS, not chemicals.

[fretslayer]

I'm seriously thankful that you guys shared your experience with these sort of pills..

I'm glad I found this thread/forum!

Cheers!

MT

This. The most important thing i have learned, pills/alcohol or any other drugs will not going to solve my problems, ONLY I CAN SOLVE MY PROBLEMS, not chemicals.

Cheers guys, hope you're in good spirits today. Also, the feeling of my happiness and security being dependent on my meds was not the greatest thing. There was always the "what if I run out before I get more??" fear lurking beneath the surface.

[Strength93]

I agree... not sure if i'm hungry all the time because of recovery - or because i've gradually eaten more and more = stomach capacity (:

I struggle with this too. Every. Single. Day.

[mclaughlin223]

@Adam

You are right-some of it is because I am terrified of getting completely weight restored with it being all fat.

I am actually just graduated medical school so with my background I know how important fat is-what it does for the body even down to the cellular level and I have accepted the first 10 pounds or so knowing it was mostly (needed) fat to my body.

However as it continues I am terrified of just becoming a blob. In the past I was at a "healthy" BMI and was eating enough but literally worked out 7 days a week-weights and running and I was SUPER lean (probably too lean) so I am afraid to be at that same weight without working out. Body composition can obviously vary drastically between individuals at the same height and weight and I am worried about it.

I am seeing changes now finally and it's hard-especially the facial swelling.

I definitely have an exercise addiction and the first few weeks off were absolutely glorious-I had not taken so much time off in at least 6 years. But now I am itching to try something and my team seems to support activity to some degree.

I am terrified of ending up like the quintessential overweight american who eats too much and moves too little.

Whoa sorry about that rant there. Struggling lately as before I Was in a program 3x/week and stepped down to 1x week now with a therapist and 1x week with a dietitian and the thoughts are creeping back just to say to h3ll with it and stop gaining weight and resume old habits.

Keep going strong guys

[AfroPope]

Having a nice time with my dysmorphia today

[mclaughlin223]

Also for those actively working to increase their intake, did you find your appetite (at least mental) actually INCREASED when eating more.

I am currently eating anywhere from 3500-4000 a day (with only my only activity walking my dog 2x/day for like 20 min each time) and I could easily eat more. Even though I am physically full most of the time mentally I rarely have that satisfied feeling. I can understand how people turn down food.

I have had to try REALLY hard to stop myself from eating more after my evening snack or lunch etc., I am doing the "right" things and eating 4x/day spread out but I could easily eat around like 5000.

I am so afraid of my appetite. I actually was less hungry and although not satisfied per se, I was certainly not having the cravings/urges I have now. I am afraid to go from one end of the spectrum to another especially after I read some statistic about 50% of anorexics developing BED or bulimia

Any others have similar experiences? Any advice or healthy ways to cope?

[mclaughlin223]

@Bonnappe

I've been doing ok man-was on the mend for a while and really functioning well (enough to finish med school) then crashed hard during the stress of residency interviews and flying all over the country. Couldn't get the foods I considered "Safe" so I mostly just skipped and absued crappy hotel gyms. But changing direction now.

Stay strong man!

[fretslayer]

@Adam

You are right-some of it is because I am terrified of getting completely weight restored with it being all fat.

I am actually just graduated medical school so with my background I know how important fat is-what it does for the body even down to the cellular level and I have accepted the first 10 pounds or so knowing it was mostly (needed) fat to my body.

However as it continues I am terrified of just becoming a blob. In the past I was at a "healthy" BMI and was eating enough but literally worked out 7 days a week-weights and running and I was SUPER lean (probably too lean) so I am afraid to be at that same weight without working out. Body composition can obviously vary drastically between individuals at the same height and weight and I am worried about it.

I am seeing changes now finally and it's hard-especially the facial swelling.

I definitely have an exercise addiction and the first few weeks off were absolutely glorious-I had not taken so much time off in at least 6 years. But now I am itching to try something and my team seems to support activity to some degree.

I am terrified of ending up like the quintessential overweight american who eats too much and moves too little.

Whoa sorry about that rant there. Struggling lately as before I Was in a program 3x/week and stepped down to 1x week now with a therapist and 1x week with a dietitian and the thoughts are creeping back just to say to h3ll with it and stop gaining weight and resume old habits.

Keep going strong guys

Just wanted to chime in and say I'm struggling with my new added body weight as well. I know I've added some fat, I feel it and see it if I dare glance (I do my best not to look, feeling it is bad enough) I was never anorexic, but I was definitely underweight, restricting far too much, and way overdid the training/cardio. But hey, it's how I stayed lean and kept my coveted "six pack" Anyhow, I've been eating more, cut back on the cardio and while my strength and muscle has improved greatly, it comes with the body fat we all have been terrified of. It's been the hardest part for me, and I have a long ways to go before I'll be comfortable with the new me.

I guess my point being is that I'm right there with ya dude, it's something that I'm having an extremely hard time with.

Having a nice time with my dysmorphia today

It follows me around like a black cloud on a daily basis man, not fun stuff.

[cobain67]

Also for those actively working to increase their intake, did you find your appetite (at least mental) actually INCREASED when eating more.

I am currently eating anywhere from 3500-4000 a day (with only my only activity walking my dog 2x/day for like 20 min each time) and I could easily eat more. Even though I am physically full most of the time mentally I rarely have that satisfied feeling. I can understand how people turn down food.

I have had to try REALLY hard to stop myself from eating more after my evening snack or lunch etc., I am doing the "right" things and eating 4x/day spread out but I could easily eat around like 5000.

I am so afraid of my appetite. I actually was less hungry and although not satisfied per se, I was certainly not having the cravings/urges I have now. I am afraid to go from one end of the spectrum to another especially after I read some statistic about 50% of anorexics developing BED or bulimia

Any others have similar experiences? Any advice or healthy ways to cope?

Try meditation to calm your anxiety... Also breathing techniques (yoga) helps a LOT... Remind yourself that your experience is TEMPORARY, the seemingly overwhelming urges abate, and are mostly the result of excessive inhibitions put in place by restricting... Kinda the opposite feeling of controlled chaos.. Try asking yourself "why" to many of the things you're feeling/experiencing; as in, what am I feeling? WHY am I feeling this way? AM I 'really' hungry or "craving" emotional comfort?--especially when restricting was in place before. IME its as if once allowing oneself to eat finally, it's mentally challenging to cap the quantity limit, as it seems like dealing with FREEDOM AND RESTRICTION tendons within, as in, black and white thinking meets the gray area (balance), which is HARD for ED's Feast or Famine/All or Nothing mentality--Like the mind is like "WTF?" I can eat enough, but still have to restrict?---Well, in soon it should balance out once hunger/fullness cues balance after the body realizes its FED.. I would also fill time spent in your head thinking about it with healthy activities/socializing so the worrying doesn't gather momentum/the anxiety is occupied--OR if alone do some breathing exercises.

Kind of all over the place with my response, though I hope I helped somewhat friend.

[cobain67]

^^I am far from resident expert on mastering zen status or all of this life, but that's from experience... I deal with some of this daily.. It also helps to remind oneself of existential impermanence---As in, NOTHING lasts forever---So when the anxiety, discomfort, etc. manifests we can rest assured it's temporary, especially once the experience is endured a few times... The experience can be drawn upon... But seriously, having a dialogue with oneself, as you would someone else struggling with the same thing helps. I ask myself "what am I DOING? what am I letting this get to me for? What does it MATTER? Wake up bro!" Just some ways to also help with situational grounding of the self to keep irrationality at bay, and...yeah...Anyways.. Keep fighting the good fight

[Grappa]

Also for those actively working to increase their intake, did you find your appetite (at least mental) actually INCREASED when eating more.

I am currently eating anywhere from 3500-4000 a day (with only my only activity walking my dog 2x/day for like 20 min each time) and I could easily eat more. Even though I am physically full most of the time mentally I rarely have that satisfied feeling. I can understand how people turn down food.

I have had to try REALLY hard to stop myself from eating more after my evening snack or lunch etc., I am doing the "right" things and eating 4x/day spread out but I could easily eat around like 5000.

I am so afraid of my appetite. I actually was less hungry and although not satisfied per se, I was certainly not having the cravings/urges I have now. I am afraid to go from one end of the spectrum to another especially after I read some statistic about 50% of anorexics developing BED or bulimia

Any others have similar experiences? Any advice or healthy ways to cope?

Those who dealt with a restrictive ED, IS REALLY UNCOMMON TO DEVELOP BED it is almost impossible, use your brain, if u have lived in a mindset where you was afraid of putting food into your mounth how it is possible to develop BED? Yep, u ll going to have a period where u are going to eat like a madman, but that ll going to pass and u ll going to regain your normal hunger/fullness cues. I know it, during the early stages i was powerless to stop eating, i was thinking about food 24/7, i was stuffed myself waaay beyond satisfaction, i felt ****, i felt uncomfortably full, but this passed.

[AfroPope]

It follows me around like a black cloud on a daily basis man, not fun stuff.

I used to be ~42% BF and even now that I'm at 20% after a few years of lifting I still feel gross some days. Dunno if that's ever going to get better.

[Tinytobig]

I am currently trying to gain weight and currently I am going to the gym for 7 days a week for 2 hours a day with 3 days of HIIT.. Current stats: 184cm, 55kg, 19 year old male.

Hiw many calories do I need to gain weight? Some people tell me 2000 and other say 4-5k.. And the calculators say about 2500, but I actually don't think that's enough because of the eatingdisorder. What do you guys think?

[fretslayer]

I used to be ~42% BF and even now that I'm at 20% after a few years of lifting I still feel gross some days. Dunno if that's ever going to get better.

Dude that's a huge drop and a major progression! I know it's seemingly impossible sometimes, but focus on that achievement. Look where you are now as apposed to where you were. Hope that helps in some small way.

I am currently trying to gain weight and currently I am going to the gym for 7 days a week for 2 hours a day with 3 days of HIIT.. Current stats: 184cm, 55kg, 19 year old male.

Hiw many calories do I need to gain weight? Some people tell me 2000 and other say 4-5k.. And the calculators say about 2500, but I actually don't think that's enough because of the eatingdisorder. What do you guys think?

I'd cut the cardio, and take your gym days down to 4 max. Hit the weights hard and eat like a champ.

[Shanigelles]

I am recovering from anorexia, and have started weightlifting to rebuild muscle. (DW I have been cleared by my GP to lift.) I am eating 2700-3000 calories per day, and training 3 times per week, currently something like this:

50 jumping jacks
Benchpress 4x5 65lbs, 1x5 70lbs, 1x10 60lbs (dropset)
Squats 2x5 95lbs, 2x5 100lbs, 1x5 105lbs, 1x2 110lbs, 1x10 70lbs
OHP 5x5 45lbs
Deadlift 3x5 130lbs, 2x5 135lbs
50 jumping jacks
Minute plank

Sometimes I add in some isolation exercises and/or core.

Does this seem like a good plan to build muscle, or should I change the volume, times per week, or anything else?