Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[MosToorani]

They are just eating cuz they are hungry. Especially guys can eat a fkload of food at younger age. When i was at sziget festival with my friends a 2-3 kebab washed down with 2 beers was a common BREAKFAST.

I don't think you're getting what i'm trying to say..

What I'm basically trying to point out is that calorie surplus will always lead to weight gain .. the variable here being your maintenance calories .. whether it's 2000 or 3000 or even 4000 .. You can't just eat and not gain weight right? unless you're in a deficit, of course.

[Grappa]

I don't think you're getting what i'm trying to say..

What I'm basically trying to point out is that calorie surplus will always lead to weight gain .. the variable here being your maintenance calories .. whether it's 2000 or 3000 or even 4000 .. You can't just eat and not gain weight right? unless you're in a deficit, of course.

1: they do not give a single fk if they are gaining weight, 2: there is a thing called overeating response, if u was never overfed in your life you hav eno idea how hard your body can actually fight against weight gain. When your body does not want to grow it does EVERYTHING in order to waste energy.

[MosToorani]

1: they do not give a single fk if they are gaining weight, 2: there is a thing called overeating response, if u was never overfed in your life you hav eno idea how hard your body can actually fight against weight gain. When your body does not want to grow it does EVERYTHING in order to waste energy.

That's an interesting point..

[Grappa]

That's an interesting point..

I was overfed in my life many times, cuz i was really really slim during my young ages, you know what happened me? The more food my parents give me, the more i started to fidget, there was times when i randomly started to JUMPING in the freaking house.

[Strawng]

@Mos
Listen to Grappa. When I began my recovery from anorexia I could have "gained weight" on 2,000 calories per day. A short while later I needed over 4,000 & would rapidly lose at less. Your body is WAY more adaptive than you give it credit for, particularly if you've been chronically undereating.

[MosToorani]

@Mos
Listen to Grappa. When I began my recovery from anorexia I could have "gained weight" on 2,000 calories per day. A short while later I needed over 4,000 & would rapidly lose at less. Your body is WAY more adaptive than you give it credit for, particularly if you've been chronically undereating.

How did you do that? Increase from 2k to 4k without gaining?

I've increased from 2,100 to 2,300 on workout days (hence 3 days a week only) and my weight has already increased by 2lbs+ in 2 weeks.

[Strawng]

How did you do that? Increase from 2k to 4k without gaining?

I've increased from 2,100 to 2,300 on workout days (hence 3 days a week only) and my weight has already increased by 2lbs+ in 2 weeks.

Same reasons as Grappa...hypermetabolism, my body would get very warm, I had way more energy, I would fidget more, & my body needed more calories to repair the damage it had gone through. Also, your "2+ lbs" were likely water/extra food volume. I gained a lot the first few weeks at around 2500 & then I rapidly lost it because it was all water retention/bloat. Also, there's no way you gained over a lb per week of actual weight by increasing your cals by only 200 per day (3500 over maintenence is a lb). I suggest you up your intake to a MINIMUM of 3000 for awhile & ignore the scale. Your weight will be all over the place at first but it doesn't matter.

[MosToorani]

Same reasons as Grappa...hypermetabolism, my body would get very warm, I had way more energy, I would fidget more, & my body needed more calories to repair the damage it had gone through. Also, your "2+ lbs" were likely water/extra food volume. I gained a lot the first few weeks at around 2500 & then I rapidly lost it because it was all water retention/bloat. Also, there's no way you gained over a lb per week of actual weight by increasing your cals by only 200 per day (3500 over maintenence is a lb). I suggest you up your intake to a MINIMUM of 3000 for awhile & ignore the scale. Your weight will be all over the place at first but it doesn't matter.

Yes, Yes, I know with regards to the initial weight increase etc .. I'm measuring using a moving weekly average...

I'll give it another week or two and assess .. at the moment I'm going by gym performance .. This week has been good .. my strength on the bench is coming back which I'm happy about .. As I previously said, as soon as gym performance goes down and I KNOW that other variables have nothing to do with it (like sleep, life stress etc), then i'll keep on bumping calories by 200 .. I don't care about anything else now besides gym performance and a lean bulk .. but gym performance comes first!

[AdamWW]

Yes, Yes, I know with regards to the initial weight increase etc .. I'm measuring using a moving weekly average...

I'll give it another week or two and assess .. at the moment I'm going by gym performance .. This week has been good .. my strength on the bench is coming back which I'm happy about .. As I previously said, as soon as gym performance goes down and I KNOW that other variables have nothing to do with it (like sleep, life stress etc), then i'll keep on bumping calories by 200 .. I don't care about anything else now besides gym performance and a lean bulk .. but gym performance comes first!

Your bulk will end up 1000000x more rewarding and enjoyable once you remove the 'lean bulk' from the equation.

You can 'lean bulk' without having to weigh yourself every day and be hyper-aware of your body's precise daily changes.

What has the scale ever done for you that makes you feel you owe it your attention? It's just plastic and metal and other crap.

[MosToorani]

Your bulk will end up 1000000x more rewarding and enjoyable once you remove the 'lean bulk' from the equation.

You can 'lean bulk' without having to weigh yourself every day and be hyper-aware of your body's precise daily changes.

What has the scale ever done for you that makes you feel you owe it your attention? It's just plastic and metal and other crap.

You're right.. just another object.. just another ****e.

It's acting like another insurance to me and my parents that my weight is increasing. I've promised them and they want me to keep them updated as well.

I think I'll just get rid of it soon. I'm slowly removing all these obstacles.

[Grappa]

Same reasons as Grappa...hypermetabolism, my body would get very warm, I had way more energy, I would fidget more, & my body needed more calories to repair the damage it had gone through. Also, your "2+ lbs" were likely water/extra food volume. I gained a lot the first few weeks at around 2500 & then I rapidly lost it because it was all water retention/bloat. Also, there's no way you gained over a lb per week of actual weight by increasing your cals by only 200 per day (3500 over maintenence is a lb). I suggest you up your intake to a MINIMUM of 3000 for awhile & ignore the scale. Your weight will be all over the place at first but it doesn't matter.

Can i ask that how long that state lasted for you?

[Strawng]

Can i ask that how long that state lasted for you?

Hypermetabolism lasted for over a year until my body finally calmed down. I've actually had an increased metabolic rate compared to how I used to be ever since though for some reason. I'd say somewhere between the 1.5-2 year mark I was finally able to gain consistently without forcing ridiculous amounts of food down. I think it lasted extra long for me because of my genetics (very lean/active my entire life), I was very sick initially and my whole body was inefficient at processing food, and because there were brief times in recovery where I was far less regimented due to travel.

[gbullock32]

You're right.. just another object.. just another ****e.

It's acting like another insurance to me and my parents that my weight is increasing. I've promised them and they want me to keep them updated as well.

I think I'll just get rid of it soon. I'm slowly removing all these obstacles.

Don't post in here much, but do follow it a bit.

Here is some advice: Once I started to focus on just eating to fuel performance and not worry about weight (scale weight) I made some of the best gains of my life. Lifts shot up, gained mass (muscle) and felt great, energy all day and progressed faster than ever on a good routine. Any time lifts stalled I just ate a bit more, until the progress returned.

[Grappa]

Hypermetabolism lasted for over a year until my body finally calmed down. I've actually had an increased metabolic rate compared to how I used to be ever since though for some reason. I'd say somewhere between the 1.5-2 year mark I was finally able to gain consistently without forcing ridiculous amounts of food down.

Fk.. than it is true what my docs constantly telling me, that even my metabolic functions will going to be "normal" i will still going to require more food than usual.

[Strawng]

Fk.. than it is true what my docs constantly telling me, that even my metabolic functions will going to be "normal" i will still going to require more food than usual.

Yes, things will be far better because you won't need as much as you do right now and your body will respond very consistently to your intake, but my food requirements never settled down to a "normal" level.

[Groce]

How did you do that? Increase from 2k to 4k without gaining?

I've increased from 2,100 to 2,300 on workout days (hence 3 days a week only) and my weight has already increased by 2lbs+ in 2 weeks.

that's water weight man, why do you think your maintenance is just 2100? that is pretty low for a male who does any sort of activity unless he's like 5'2

[dashdash89]

"I think if I weighed myself tomorrow and was another 10 pounds heavier I'd think I'm just that much closer to my goal"

THIS WAS FANTASTIC TO READ!! I wish you my best buddy, keep up the good work Train with passion!

Thanks! Still got a lot of odd irrational thinking to overcome such as just eating socially, but seeing the positives weight gain (even fat gain) can bring is a huge relief

[Grappa]

Yes, things will be far better because you won't need as much as you do right now and your body will respond very consistently to your intake, but my food requirements never settled down to a "normal" level.

Well, i just have to be patient

[dashdash89]

I had way more energy, I would fidget more, & my body needed more calories to repair the damage it had gone through.

more food = get more done. There were so many times I "had" some chore to do, but put it off. An attempt to conserve energy most likely. Lately i've been finding it difficult to sit for extended periods of time, and the other day I woke up and randomly started cleaning...

[fretslayer]

What I'm feeling: guilt, anxiety, discomfort....

It feels exactly like when I did panic attack exposure therapy... basically you're experiencing your own versions of a nightmare and allowing yourself to just wallow in the moment. It's horribly difficult... especially when i know I'm going to be eating again in like 3 hours, and eating a lot.

But I guess that's the idea... I won't be able to not feel guilt, or anxiety, or discomfort until I do it and wake up tomorrow the same person... I need to prove to myself that whether or not I train, or overeat, it doesn't make a difference in the grand scheme of things...

To that point... i'm going to eat more tonight than usual... mainly to ensure I don't restrict without noticing... which will actually require some mindfulness and thought around what I consume... but again, i'm considering this treatment and not just pleasure (though I'm sure whatever I do have, i'll enjoy too).

It's fascinating to me to realize how much we start defining who we are by what we eat, or lift, or look like, instead of what we do, and learn, and build. If I never lifted a weight again.. why would that matter? I could still be healthy doing only social activities... like golf, hiking with friends, or anything else to get activity WHILE being social. Those things actually matter...

Don't get me wrong, i'm going to keep lifting, and i'm going to get stronger... but the days of beating myself up over not lifting for a few days, or even a week+ need to end. It makes no difference... having abs doesn't make a difference... none of it. Gotta break the damn cycle.

Just wanted to say thank you for posting this, as it's an inspiration. I'm going through some silimar thought/behavior patterns (well, have been for years) and am finally aware of how out of balance and unhealthy/obessive I have become over time. This last week or 2 has been my first attempts at making a change. Just reading your posts and the others in here have been a big help. I have a long, long way to go, but knowing I can come here and feel not as alone in all of this helps. Every little tiny bit counts right now as I'm in an almost constant struggle.

[AdamWW]

@Mos / folks in general...

Just so you know, all of my post-major weight loss bulks had similar short-term periods of weight gain in the beginning, but especially my first attempt.

I ended up spending a lot of time and energy worried about 'what' I was gaining on the scale and not how much I lifted or how I felt.

As a result, I reacted in the short term by re-restricting slightly only to realize a week or two later that the initial weight gain was water/food/glycogen/etc..

I would gain 2-5 pounds in a week, then 2 pounds in the second week, and get very 'scared' that my body was messed up or I was gaining too fast despite not increasing my calories much from the baseline. Pretty much went from 2000 calories up to 2500 or so, so again the HUGE weight increase felt like it didn't make sense. BUT, when I cut back to 2200 to try and gain slower, I almost immediately dropped ALL the weight I gained.

I put something like a month into that whole process, only to come out the same weight, just as weak, because I assumed all weight gain = fat if you're eating in a surplus.

In reality, in practice, MOST people who start to bulk after a period of restriction can gain anywhere from 1-10pounds (depending on the degree of restriction and the types of food you eat) in the first 1-2 weeks. After that, you are likely to either drop a few pounds after your body adjusts or your gains just slow down.

The EXACT opposite happens with a cut: most people reduce their calories by a bit in the beginning, maybe by -500, and suddenly lose like 1-5 pounds in a week, JUST because they're reducing volume and carbs and water, etc.

The point I'm making is that, ESPECIALLY in the beginning, you cannot rely on the numbers. This is a LONG process...a marathon... so looking at things in a vacuum of a week or two just isn't what you wanna do. Take the long-term view. Trust your feelings and even your eyes before you trust the scale, but more importantly your feelings.

You've already said you prioritize CARBS over fats in your surplus, and the more carbs you eat the MORE water you retain...

Another thing to consider: if you're obtaining your surplus calories from high-volume, low-calorie foods (for example, you're eating 500 additional calories from romaine lettuce and carrots instead of trail mix), then you're going to add even MORE short-term weight because of waste in your gut ON TOP OF the carbs.

All these things need to be considered. Just don't get scared of the NUMBERS on the scale.. they will, effectively, lie to you in this process.

I think I mentioned this before, but I eventually plateaued at about 4000 calories per day after starting at around 2500. I was maintaining my weight at 2500, then I gained 5 pounds IMMEDIATELY at 3000... then NOTHING after 2 weeks... so I went to 3000... gained another 5 pounds... then NOTHING for 2 weeks.... until I got to 4000...

When I finally was on about 4000 for two weeks, i AGAIN saw the gain slow-down, but my competition was done, so I (stupidly) stopped when I should have kept going.

You gotta just trust your body sometimes... I wish I had in the long term.

[AdamWW]

Just wanted to say thank you for posting this, as it's an inspiration. I'm going through some silimar thought/behavior patterns (well, have been for years) and am finally aware of how out of balance and unhealthy/obessive I have become over time. This last week or 2 has been my first attempts at making a change. Just reading your posts and the others in here have been a big help. I have a long, long way to go, but knowing I can come here and feel not as alone in all of this helps. Every little tiny bit counts right now as I'm in an almost constant struggle.

Very happy to have you sir. I can say also, for myself, this forum has been an invaluable resource during my own process.

Like you, I am still FAR from recovered, but every day/week I am making the improvements I want to and stepping in the right direction.

If there is one piece of advice I could give to anyone who feels similar to me or is having the same types of thoughts/experiences around body image/food, it would be to think about your life instead of thinking about just today.

I tend to micro/over-analyze to maintain control. I get an odd satisfaction by ensuring numbers are accurate, that I'm optimizing something (even if it's it's continued weight loss, which in my case would be very unhealthy), and that I'm part of something I can feel confident about.

That is essentially the root of my ED, and I feel no shame in admitting that now that I know what my ED helps me cope with:

I fear losing control... and I fear failure. Those are the 'big two' in my case. The ED helps me cope because controlling my weight is easy for me... it's the EASY win... it takes no effort for me to lose fat/weight/etc... I'm the expert... and somewhere in my brain, I feel virtuous because of it. It helps me cope with the feeling of no control in other areas of my life, even in my PAST.

When I was a teen, I didn't like how I looked and I felt soft. So, eventually, instead of joining a sports team to get fit, or spending more time with friends instead of alone in the kitchen spooning myself ice cream, I made the disordered decision to start counting calories, burning calories, with the ultimate goal of purely being lean. Didn't matter if I was healthy, per se, I just wanted to not feel soft anymore.

That started 14-15 years ago... so of COURSE it is hard for me to get over... but I am glad I at least understand it.

I need to let go... we all do... we all need to zoom out, take a breath, and ask ourselves "What the fukk am I doing?? WHY do I care?? What has this control EVER done but made me sicker? Or more anxious? Or HATE myself more"??

Don't get locked into the tunnel-vision of today: how you looked in the mirror this morning, what the scale said THIS morning... just think about your life. Better yet, think about TOMORROW... what do you want to do tomorrow, a year from now? Does your weight or how you look have anything to do with your goals? I bet it doesn't... so WHY would you spend any effort in the short-term blocking your life goals with things that don't matter?

That's my rant

[MosToorani]

Fantastic post Adam! It couldn't have been said any better!

I need to set some life goals and aim at achieving those instead of having mediocre short-term goals that I eventually get rid of.

Once again, fantastic post!

MT

[MosToorani]

Just a quick mental update about Adam's post and my journey.

I'm overwhelmed by the idea that eating more than I currently do will not lead to unnecessary "fat" gains. I currently eat 2300 cals *broken record* on workout days, which is 3 days a week, and I have already started to look "puffy".

My loose skin is filling-up and I have gained about 1 kg, ~ 2.2lbs, in the past 2 weeks. Please note that I don't care about the weight gain at this point in time as I know it's mostly food in my gut, water weight etc.

My concern is with regards to the info that Adam posted. In my head, I believe, that it applies to people like him and not me. You may ask why? When I used to travel for vacation in the past, I'm talking about 2-3 years ago, I'd eat whatever I want and whenever I want. I'd probably guess that I would be eating roughly 3k cals a day, albeit walking a lot, because that's what you do when you travel! And, I'd always come back at least 10 lbs heavier in just a week's worth of travelling.

Then I'd come back to my normal life and start "cutting" again to lose all the excess weight gain.

Now my question is, for my own understanding, what makes you guys/Adam, confident that If I increase my intake from 2300 to let's say 2500 on workout days, or even 3000 on workout days, I won't gain a ton of weight, mostly fat? and the weight gain rate will not slow down to let's say 2 lbs a month (which is what i'm mentally aiming for now?)

I'm just curious and worried that you guys keep on advising me to increase intake with such confidence that I won't just bloat up and the weight gain will not slow down? This worries me because it will mentally hurt me.

MT

[AdamWW]

Just a quick mental update about Adam's post and my journey.

I'm overwhelmed by the idea that eating more than I currently do will not lead to unnecessary "fat" gains. I currently eat 2300 cals *broken record* on workout days, which is 3 days a week, and I have already started to look "puffy".

My loose skin is filling-up and I have gained about 1 kg, ~ 2.2lbs, in the past 2 weeks. Please note that I don't care about the weight gain at this point in time as I know it's mostly food in my gut, water weight etc.

My concern is with regards to the info that Adam posted. In my head, I believe, that it applies to people like him and not me. You may ask why? When I used to travel for vacation in the past, I'm talking about 2-3 years ago, I'd eat whatever I want and whenever I want. I'd probably guess that I would be eating roughly 3k cals a day, albeit walking a lot, because that's what you do when you travel! And, I'd always come back at least 10 lbs heavier in just a week's worth of travelling.

Then I'd come back to my normal life and start "cutting" again to lose all the excess weight gain.

Now my question is, for my own understanding, what makes you guys/Adam, confident that If I increase my intake from 2300 to let's say 2500 on workout days, or even 3000 on workout days, I won't gain a ton of weight, mostly fat? and the weight gain rate will not slow down to let's say 2 lbs a month (which is what i'm mentally aiming for now?)

I'm just curious and worried that you guys keep on advising me to increase intake with such confidence that I won't just bloat up and the weight gain will not slow down? This worries me because it will mentally hurt me.

MT

I haven't stated a specific calorie number for you simply because I am trying to ignore numbers for myself... so it'd defeat the purpose.

That being said, I think you're still missing the underlying point.

Nothing worth doing in this process is going to be easy. The 'mental hurt' you fear is precisely what you're trying to get over, and there's no way to overcome it but to realize, through experience, that changes in weight/appearance/and routine can and will happen.

Even if you look at this mathematically, if you actually increased a surplus by 200 calories, it'd take weeks for that actual surplus to generate so much as a single pound of fat.

But you're ignoring things like thermal effect of feeding, increase NEAT, increased workout intensity and calorie burn due to rising MPS, increased hormone production... and many other things which burn through those additional calories.

In essence: the more you eat, the more you burn... plain and simple. So that extra 200 calorie sandwich you eat doesn't actually equate to a 'true' 200 calorie surplus in the grand scheme of things. Hence why the tiny, tiny changes are a waste of time.

Now, that being said, there is an even simpler answer here: when you're training and eating in a surplus, you get stronger. If you're not getting stronger, you're not in a surplus. You CAN gain water weight and other things without being in a surplus, but not muscle or fat. That's why we're telling you to increase intake... because it's evident that you feel you're in a true surplus when you aren't, or you'd be getting stronger... but mainly because you're feeding the ED by monitoring your process so meticulously.... a nice, solid increase to 3000 as sonny has mentioned will do more for your mind than worrying about why we're pushing you to let go of the control over details.

[MosToorani]

@Adam

You truly are an inspiration. Love you guys (no homo).

That being said, I went into the gym today, PR'd on DL, machine row, incline chest, leg press (not even worth mentioning haha).

I'm loving the extra energy I have. I've noticed that If I hit the weights MID morning, after walking a bit to loosen the muscles, I have great workouts.

Anyways, Back to the point, main reason why I'm scared of fat gain (I'm overcoming it though, intake has been increased, weight has increased, performance has been better).

I was considered clinically obese at the age of 20? 21? Can't remember exactly. So, the doctor at that point told me that all my health issues such as joint pain, knee pain, cholesterol bla bla bla is because of my weight. Hence, I did everything possible to lose the weight without opting for surgery and it took me a good 3-4 years of working my behind to lose about 80 KGs.

I did that via the atkins diet, hence I was just eating a lot of protein and fat without counting calories.

Then I stumbled upon counting calories and the ED got to me. I lost a further 20 KGs .. So basically, I dropped from about 170-180 KG to about 100 KG before my final year in university.

Then the ED took control and made me lose another 30-40 KG .. So over all, I lost about 110-120 KG .. Yes .. I've got pictures to prove it.

and now, I'm trying to tell my brain to GAIN WEIGHT ... so after a good 8 years of losing weight and developing an ED with the purpose of losing weight, I'm trying to convince my brain to GAIN WEIGHT .. That's why it's difficult..

Nevertheless, I'm fighting it and I'm enjoying the "side" benefits of energy and more food .. I don't know how many times I'm going to say this but I love food! Truly LOVE IT .. That's why, when I get convinced to increase intake and I actually do, I would never back down because I can't see myself eating less than I currently am!

MT

[Grappa]

@Adam

You truly are an inspiration. Love you guys (no homo).

That being said, I went into the gym today, PR'd on DL, machine row, incline chest, leg press (not even worth mentioning haha).

I'm loving the extra energy I have. I've noticed that If I hit the weights MID morning, after walking a bit to loosen the muscles, I have great workouts.

Anyways, Back to the point, main reason why I'm scared of fat gain (I'm overcoming it though, intake has been increased, weight has increased, performance has been better).

I was considered clinically obese at the age of 20? 21? Can't remember exactly. So, the doctor at that point told me that all my health issues such as joint pain, knee pain, cholesterol bla bla bla is because of my weight. Hence, I did everything possible to lose the weight without opting for surgery and it took me a good 3-4 years of working my behind to lose about 80 KGs.

I did that via the atkins diet, hence I was just eating a lot of protein and fat without counting calories.

Then I stumbled upon counting calories and the ED got to me. I lost a further 20 KGs .. So basically, I dropped from about 170-180 KG to about 100 KG before my final year in university.

Then the ED took control and made me lose another 30-40 KG .. So over all, I lost about 110-120 KG .. Yes .. I've got pictures to prove it.

and now, I'm trying to tell my brain to GAIN WEIGHT ... so after a good 8 years of losing weight and developing an ED with the purpose of losing weight, I'm trying to convince my brain to GAIN WEIGHT .. That's why it's difficult..

Nevertheless, I'm fighting it and I'm enjoying the "side" benefits of energy and more food .. I don't know how many times I'm going to say this but I love food! Truly LOVE IT .. That's why, when I get convinced to increase intake and I actually do, I would never back down because I can't see myself eating less than I currently am!

MT

" So over all, I lost about 110-120 KG" Holy fking shiet, i have dropped 30kg in 4 months, but i can not imagine how this big weight loss affected your body jeeez, that is a lot.

[MosToorani]

" So over all, I lost about 110-120 KG" Holy fking shiet, i have dropped 30kg in 4 months, but i can not imagine how this big weight loss affected your body jeeez, that is a lot.

Exactly!

I've got loose skin all over + mentally I was exhausted!

Imagine all the years of restricting all kinds of delicious food just to lose weight. I couldn't get clothes my size in my own country! I had to buy jeans from a neighboring country FFS!

So yeah .. All of that throughout the years hit me hard mentally! BUT, I'm fighting it and I'll win Just like I won the battle of losing weight and fighting all the cravings

MT

[Grappa]

Exactly!

I've got loose skin all over + mentally I was exhausted!

Imagine all the years of restricting all kinds of delicious food just to lose weight. I couldn't get clothes my size in my own country! I had to buy jeans from a neighboring country FFS!

So yeah .. All of that throughout the years hit me hard mentally! BUT, I'm fighting it and I'll win Just like I won the battle of losing weight and fighting all the cravings

MT

My only concern is your intake still, my mother eats more than you, as she is a tiny woman she is totally healthy, the only activity she is doing is swimming 2 times a week.

[AdamWW]

Exactly!

I've got loose skin all over + mentally I was exhausted!

Imagine all the years of restricting all kinds of delicious food just to lose weight. I couldn't get clothes my size in my own country! I had to buy jeans from a neighboring country FFS!

So yeah .. All of that throughout the years hit me hard mentally! BUT, I'm fighting it and I'll win Just like I won the battle of losing weight and fighting all the cravings

MT

The more lose skin you have, the more room you have for water storage beneath your skin, too. Keep that in mind.

It is very likely that your initial bump in weight will be bigger than most people.

But again, if you're getting stronger, you're doing it right. But I will say, especially in the beginning, the strength gains should be significant weekly if not almost every session.