Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[Grappa]

How do you know that extreme hunger is linked to recovery? I don't know how to explain.. em ..

okay .. I'm hungry all the time .. and even when i consume large meals, i'm still hungry.. i can easily down 3 large pizzas (i've done it on my stupid "cheat" days)...

So what i'm trying to ask is... is it hunger due to recovery? or hunger due to stomach capacity? get me? *sigh*

Extreme hunger is different if u are really malnourished/underweigh vs if u are just not eating enough

[MosToorani]

Extreme hunger is different if u are really malnourished/underweigh vs if u are just not eating enough

How can you differentiate? What are the signs?

[partydave]

I think I finally have to accept that I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I'm currently around 12-13% BF, 66kg at 1.70m tall.
I will say to myself that I want to start bulking and start taking weight training more seriously (started F5 as a structured plan 2 weeks ago) and then catch myself limiting calories in order to see a drop on the scale.

I get upset when I pick up a few grams over a day and ecstatic when I drop a KG in half a week.

My brain refuses to let me accept that it's okay to pickup weight without getting fat.

I currently eat at 1600 cals a day. 3 weight training sessions a week and 5-8 hours cycling.

[AdamWW]

I think I finally have to accept that I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I'm currently around 12-13% BF, 66kg at 1.170m tall.
I will say to myself that I want to start bulking and start taking weight training more seriously (started F5 as a structured plan 2 weeks ago) and then catch myself limiting calories in order to see a drop on the scale.

I get upset when I pick up a few grams over a day and ecstatic when I drop a KG in half a week.

My brain refuses to let me accept that it's okay to pickup weight without getting fat.

I currently eat at 1600 cals a day. 3 weight training sessions a week and 5-8 hours cycling.

You're under 4 feet tall?

[partydave]

You're under 4 feet tall?

Whoops 1.70m

Will edit post

[Grappa]

How can you differentiate? What are the signs?

When u are malnourished you eat things what u hate/do not like. I have hated chocolate in my entire life, but when i started the refeeding i have eaten bars of chocolate like no tomorrow, same with dates, and also... Who the fk likes to drink a bottle of oil?

[Bonnappe]

I feel weird, I haven't binged in a few days but I always feel like I could do so after each and every single meal no matter what or how much do I eat + I constantly seem to think about food. How do I get rid of this?

[Grappa]

I feel weird, I haven't binged in a few days but I always feel like I could do so after each and every single meal no matter what or how much do I eat + I constantly seem to think about food. How do I get rid of this?

Patience and time

[MosToorani]

I feel weird, I haven't binged in a few days but I always feel like I could do so after each and every single meal no matter what or how much do I eat + I constantly seem to think about food. How do I get rid of this?

on the same page exactly!!!

[MosToorani]

When u are malnourished you eat things what u hate/do not like. I have hated chocolate in my entire life, but when i started the refeeding i have eaten bars of chocolate like no tomorrow, same with dates, and also... Who the fk likes to drink a bottle of oil?

ah okay! i definitely don't have those urges.

[AdamWW]

ah okay! i definitely don't have those urges.

Then it's probably just extreme mental hunger or something... I have similar issues now. Basically I will eat a huge meal, sometimes over 2000 calories, and yet within 10-20minutes it feels like I'm more hungry than before. Typically it will happen when the meal I eat is very nutrient-dense and full of whole, fiberous foods... basically the kind of 'clean' things I would often restrict. I then start to crave fatty, salty, sweet, refined stuff. Once I give in and just eat what I crave, it subsides, but it's not always immediate. Don't worry, it won't last forever. You have to honor your hunger and the process.

[AdamWW]

I seem to have stumbled upon a contributing factor in my lack of gaining weight on the 'intuitive approach' I followed for the month of January. Because of my habits with food, I believe the high amount of veggies and fruit, plus all the whole grains, make my digestion and BM's (apologies for the TMI) slower. What seems to happen is that, for a couple days, not much with 'happen' with my digection, and my appetite won't be very high other than mental urges, which for me do not induce calorie surplus the way that physical hunger cues do. Then, I'll have one day where everything 'shifts', and I feel utterly empty again, and ravenous, but that never lasts longer than a day. And so, I am not consistently hungry, just in waves.

I think it will be wise that I lower my fiber from what I am used to... such as replacing sweet potatoes with brown rice, oatmeal with other kinds of cereal, and getting slightly less veggies and instead opting for fruit if I'm going for whole foods. That, and of course some less-nutritious items as well. Also more fat.

I noticed this when, for the last few days, I weighed myself every day... and I basically gain 1-2 pounds over 2 days, then lose it all in one day... so I'll THINK i'm on track, but I am not, and instead spin my wheels. To me that means I need more calories constantly going through me that can be quickly processed.

Hoping for improvements

Also, I have been consciously upping intake on total rest days where I do zero lifting and little movement... THAT is hard for me, because I used to 'earning' my calories, and I've seemingly programmed my hunger cues to revolve around exhausting myself from movement.

[clk99]

I feel weird, I haven't binged in a few days but I always feel like I could do so after each and every single meal no matter what or how much do I eat + I constantly seem to think about food. How do I get rid of this?

As others have expressed, the only way you're going to get rid of your unhealthy focus on food is to fill up your time with other activities- I'm sure you're already aware of this, it just takes effort. Even though our situations are different, I've struggled with over-focusing on food too. I've found that the more time I am alone, the easier it is to have unhealthy thoughts about food and body image.

Understand that there's a lot more to this life than food, and assess yourself to see if food is hindering you from enjoying life to the fullest. 50 years from now, the food you're eating tonight isn't going to matter...the things that matter are your happiness and your relationships with others. If binging after a meal is your personal issue, then get out and do something after dinner instead...go on a walk in the sunset, go bowling with friends, play video games or pick up a musical instrument, etc. If you feel you can't handle this alone I'd recommend seeing a therapist about it. Hope things turn out for the better, buddy.

[MosToorani]

So, I didn't go to the gym yesterday.. felt utterly demotivated after work.. instead, just chilled at home and watched some tv with the family ..

Anyone else feel the same? I've been feeling this way for quite some time now .. not motivated at all to go to the gym and lift weights although it's 5 minutes away from where i live ..

[partydave]

Managed to eat at 1800 calories without feeling bad yesterday, but then caught myself looking at the scale this morning and being depressed that I "gained" a few grams

[Grappa]

Managed to eat at 1800 calories without feeling bad yesterday, but then caught myself looking at the scale this morning and being depressed that I "gained" a few grams

Even if u eat 3k+ or 4k+ with that insane activity level, you will not going to gain weight.

[AdamWW]

Managed to eat at 1800 calories without feeling bad yesterday, but then caught myself looking at the scale this morning and being depressed that I "gained" a few grams

You gained a few grams of water, and likely lost fat.

Keep this in mind... when you are very thin, your bodyweight fluctuates more severely than someone who is at a healthy weight, especially if you're not eating enough. Your bowel movements and digestion are less regular, your body struggles to maintain a fluid balance, and you consume foods at irregular times and in irregular quantities.

Because of this, the process of weighing yourself is a roller coaster. Have you noticed that you'll gain a little bit, then suddenly a couple days later you're back to the same weight? That's all it is: fluid and food in your body shifting.

When I bulked up back in 2012, when I was almost 40lb heavier than I am now, the first 3 weeks were crazy... I'd gain 3 pounds in a single day, then lose it, then gain 4, then lose 3... it was very odd.

After a while, your body normalizes and you can start to track consistently, but it takes time to adjust. I suggest you stop weighing yourself and focus on eating... a LOT. The scale will lie to you and make you scared.

[AdamWW]

Woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I drove into work today at 5am for my lifting session. Hadn't done an almost-fasted training session in a long time, but when I bulked up in 2012, that's what I did every training day: wake up at 5-530, lift from 6-730, and be done with it. I also have an early morning meeting today from 8-9, so it was a good day to try it out again.

Honestly I was surprised how well it went. And now, I am furiously hungry. In general my acid reflux and stomach issues can make it tough to squat and do heavy compounds (besides bench) much of the time, because it limits the amount of solid food I can have around training. Today, there was no issue because all I did was have 1/2 scoop of protein before heading out.

I did not gain strength on the compounds since last time, but I was pretty focused and not thinking about keeping my stomach calm... which was nice for a chance.

Also, I think I need to modify my approach to tracking in recovery, because I am feeling mental urges to start controlling again when I see numbers in MFP. I want to make sure I am eating enough, but I'm still on the fence as to whether or not it's a good idea to maintain the logs. For example, when I see my carb count go over 500 on a day where I literally did not exercise other than walking, my ED brain starts questioning if I need to eat less regardless of how hungry I feel. Same goes for fat and overall calories.

For that reason... I think I need to track more loosely and NOT in MFP. Perhaps just keeping a general mental note about what I'm doing, then counting in my head at the end of the day just in case I didn't hit the 4k mark.

Otherwise hoping for a good day.

Cheers everyone.

[Bonnappe]

As others have expressed, the only way you're going to get rid of your unhealthy focus on food is to fill up your time with other activities- I'm sure you're already aware of this, it just takes effort. Even though our situations are different, I've struggled with over-focusing on food too. I've found that the more time I am alone, the easier it is to have unhealthy thoughts about food and body image.

Understand that there's a lot more to this life than food, and assess yourself to see if food is hindering you from enjoying life to the fullest. 50 years from now, the food you're eating tonight isn't going to matter...the things that matter are your happiness and your relationships with others. If binging after a meal is your personal issue, then get out and do something after dinner instead...go on a walk in the sunset, go bowling with friends, play video games or pick up a musical instrument, etc. If you feel you can't handle this alone I'd recommend seeing a therapist about it. Hope things turn out for the better, buddy.

Thank you for your post man, appreciate it a lot

This just seems so crazy, everytime I finish a meal all I can think about is when do I get to eat next. Like the only time I'm not thinking about food or eating is when I'm sleeping

[AdamWW]

Thank you for your post man, appreciate it a lot

This just seems so crazy, everytime I finish a meal all I can think about is when do I get to eat next. Like the only time I'm not thinking about food or eating is when I'm sleeping

One analogy I like is the 'holding your breath' concept.

Think of it this way: if you are forcing yourself to hold your breath under water, once you finally give in and surface, you're gasping for air.. you cannot get enough.. all you can think about is how much you want more.

The same kind of thing happens with eating and food restriction, and it's multi-faceted. You have a mental, as well as physical urge to 'gasp' and get all the food you want in. It's part biological need, and part your minds' need to convince itself that food isn't going anywhere, and that you don't have to think about it all the time in order to enjoy it. Your mind is used to clicking in after you eat and trying to convince itself that you need more because all it knows right now is that you it may not get fed again for a long time, and also that - once you feed yourself - you might not get enough.

It just tasks time to heal.

[Grappa]

Woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I drove into work today at 5am for my lifting session. Hadn't done an almost-fasted training session in a long time, but when I bulked up in 2012, that's what I did every training day: wake up at 5-530, lift from 6-730, and be done with it. I also have an early morning meeting today from 8-9, so it was a good day to try it out again.

Honestly I was surprised how well it went. And now, I am furiously hungry. In general my acid reflux and stomach issues can make it tough to squat and do heavy compounds (besides bench) much of the time, because it limits the amount of solid food I can have around training. Today, there was no issue because all I did was have 1/2 scoop of protein before heading out.

I did not gain strength on the compounds since last time, but I was pretty focused and not thinking about keeping my stomach calm... which was nice for a chance.

Also, I think I need to modify my approach to tracking in recovery, because I am feeling mental urges to start controlling again when I see numbers in MFP. I want to make sure I am eating enough, but I'm still on the fence as to whether or not it's a good idea to maintain the logs. For example, when I see my carb count go over 500 on a day where I literally did not exercise other than walking, my ED brain starts questioning if I need to eat less regardless of how hungry I feel. Same goes for fat and overall calories.

For that reason... I think I need to track more loosely and NOT in MFP. Perhaps just keeping a general mental note about what I'm doing, then counting in my head at the end of the day just in case I didn't hit the 4k mark.

Otherwise hoping for a good day.

Cheers everyone.

Do not be afraid, just eat the same everyday. High carb on rest day? no problem. Carbload and have a great workout that's it. 9/10 i am more hungry on rest days than my workout days.

[MosToorani]

A quick update on my mental situation. *currently at work*

Constantly thinking of food .. I've reverted back to IF in order to consume larger meals at night especially with my love for ice cream and chocolates. I choose either ice cream or chocolate.

Additionally, lacking the motivation / desire to go to the gym today. 2nd session running now .. I'm supposed to be doing 3 times a week, full body routine .. went once only if i end up deciding not to go today.

MT

[partydave]

You gained a few grams of water, and likely lost fat.

Keep this in mind... when you are very thin, your bodyweight fluctuates more severely than someone who is at a healthy weight, especially if you're not eating enough. Your bowel movements and digestion are less regular, your body struggles to maintain a fluid balance, and you consume foods at irregular times and in irregular quantities.

Because of this, the process of weighing yourself is a roller coaster. Have you noticed that you'll gain a little bit, then suddenly a couple days later you're back to the same weight? That's all it is: fluid and food in your body shifting.

When I bulked up back in 2012, when I was almost 40lb heavier than I am now, the first 3 weeks were crazy... I'd gain 3 pounds in a single day, then lose it, then gain 4, then lose 3... it was very odd.

After a while, your body normalizes and you can start to track consistently, but it takes time to adjust. I suggest you stop weighing yourself and focus on eating... a LOT. The scale will lie to you and make you scared.

This is spot on, word for word.

I overcame a massive hurdle, I ate at 2590 calories yesterday to "make up" for my morning cycle. I also managed not to weigh myself, this was harder than it was supposed to be.

I didn't cycle today, but I did an intense weights session. My mind is telling me to eat 1800 calories, but I know I should be aiming higher. Will see what the day holds.

I have this constant fear of immediately gaining 1kg if I ever so slightly over eat, even if I know I should be bulking

[Grappa]

So, I didn't go to the gym yesterday.. felt utterly demotivated after work.. instead, just chilled at home and watched some tv with the family ..

Anyone else feel the same? I've been feeling this way for quite some time now .. not motivated at all to go to the gym and lift weights although it's 5 minutes away from where i live ..

NOt motivated = underrecovered = lack of sleep, not enought food. Keep in mind if u are doing full body 3 times a week with all of your effort, lifting that insane number, hitting the hardcore volume, u have to eat a lot to recover. U have to manage intensity/volume. U can not do both at the same time, cuz u ll burn out. This is how i do it for example: power day: get in, max out get the fk home. Volume day: get in, blast it with full force as minimum of rest time between sets as i can handle, get the fk home. My workouts not lasts more than 45 min. 1 hour is the gym is crowded.

[Kaged Muscle]

I dont mean to hijack the thread, gentleman, but bravo for beginning this. Ive read through all of this and the previous threads. For sometime I have had many men privately contact me with eating disorders. Its obvious that its out there but I've noticed that many men refrain from discussing it publicly, maybe its pride. I just wanted to say its great to see this and I will refer some of the people who contacted me to read this thread. Question; is anyone aware of a charity/foundation that helps male disorder eating?

[AdamWW]

I dont mean to hijack the thread, gentleman, but bravo for beginning this. Ive read through all of this and the previous threads. For sometime I have had many men privately contact me with eating disorders. Its obvious that its out there but I've noticed that many men refrain from discussing it publicly, maybe its pride. I just wanted to say its great to see this and I will refer some of the people who contacted me to read this thread. Question; is anyone aware of a charity/foundation that helps male disorder eating?

Thanks Kris. This thread has helped many people, including myself. I am not aware of any male-specific foundation but some in here may have some ideas.

[sonnydfrizzy]

Hey Kris. Check this out:

http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/about-us/about-the-charity

[MosToorani]

NOt motivated = underrecovered = lack of sleep, not enought food. Keep in mind if u are doing full body 3 times a week with all of your effort, lifting that insane number, hitting the hardcore volume, u have to eat a lot to recover. U have to manage intensity/volume. U can not do both at the same time, cuz u ll burn out. This is how i do it for example: power day: get in, max out get the fk home. Volume day: get in, blast it with full force as minimum of rest time between sets as i can handle, get the fk home. My workouts not lasts more than 45 min. 1 hour is the gym is crowded.

Thank you for this, brother.

I have a trip planned for next week, Guns N Roses concert! *way toooooooo excited!!*

So i'll probably get the motivation back, hopefully!

I have to gain strength .. I want to gain strength .. I need to gain strength!

MT

[partydave]

2257 calories vs my usual calories, but an empty victory. Every bite I took, I was worried how it's going to cause me to pick up a ton of weight

[MosToorani]

2257 calories vs my usual calories, but an empty victory. Every bite I took, I was worried how it's going to cause me to pick up a ton of weight

So sorry to hear this .. I used to be on the same page until I realized that life is so much more than worrying about calories..

Honestly though, I'm on a similar page .. I'm worried/afraid that i'll gain weight and the majority of it being fat rather than muscle ..

Stay strong brother.. We'll get through this eventually ..