Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[AdamWW]

Little off topic but yeesh... tired of this damn cold I have. Definitely reduces the flavor of foods.

Was thinking of having my second deload session today but not 100% sure. Feeling a bit tired, but lifting usually perks me up a bit.

Basically it's between napping or lifting... which to choose? Dunno...dunnoo..

[sonnydfrizzy]

Little off topic but yeesh... tired of this damn cold I have. Definitely reduces the flavor of foods.

Was thinking of having my second deload session today but not 100% sure. Feeling a bit tired, but lifting usually perks me up a bit.

Basically it's between napping or lifting... which to choose? Dunno...dunnoo..

You have a cold. It is your deload week. You need to fight the urge to exercise. You need to find alternative ways to be productive, have fun, etc instead of food and lifting.

I think the decision is pretty obvious here.

PS I wish I could get sick during deload weeks and not during peaking blockings

[AdamWW]

You have a cold. It is your deload week. You need to fight the urge to exercise. You need to find alternative ways to be productive, have fun, etc instead of food and lifting.

I think the decision is pretty obvious here.

PS I wish I could get sick during deload weeks and not during peaking blockings

Oh no, it's not an urge... seriously... not in the least. This is an extremely minor cold and it's essentially gone... just a bit of congestion. However, when I lifted 2 days ago, the short/light session (lasted about 20-30min) made my energy levels for the rest of day improve a lot, and it actually loosened up some of the soreness I had from sitting all day at the computer.

My last session was also only a single 'working' set for squats and OHP (close to 50% of max, for higher reps)... then light dumbell work for arms. That's it.. then I went home.

Was not planning on even breaking a sweat, TBH.... the increased bloodflow in general also seemed to improve the actually congestion as well, which was a plus.

[AdamWW]

also @sonny...

I just registered for both the Puget Sound Amateur golf tournament in May, and a two-day tournament for the Golf Channel Amateur tour here where I'll be traveling next month:

Half Moon Bay Golf Course(s) in California





so excited

[Vanzero]

Let's bring some positivity back into this thread :P

I've hit a PR in both Bench (55 kg 5x5) and Squats (75 kg 5x5)!!!. Feeling strong but also beat up...I think I'm progressing a little bit too fast for my joints and ligaments lol. I'll be taking a couple of days off...maybe until monday, I don't wanna end up injured now that I'm ACTUALLY making progress.

[AdamWW]

Let's bring some positivity back into this thread :P

I've hit a PR in both Bench (55 kg 5x5) and Squats (75 kg 5x5)!!!. Feeling strong but also beat up...I think I'm progressing a little bit too fast for my joints and ligaments lol. I'll be taking a couple of days off...maybe until monday, I don't wanna end up injured now that I'm ACTUALLY making progress.

Nice! What kind of RPE are you working with on those sets?

[Vanzero]

Nice! What kind of RPE are you working with on those sets?

RPE of at least 8+ in every set. I'm running an upper/lower split trying to hit at least 1 more rep or add some weight to the bar every session. Keeping it simple

[Grappa]

Let's bring some positivity back into this thread :P

I've hit a PR in both Bench (55 kg 5x5) and Squats (75 kg 5x5)!!!. Feeling strong but also beat up...I think I'm progressing a little bit too fast for my joints and ligaments lol. I'll be taking a couple of days off...maybe until monday, I don't wanna end up injured now that I'm ACTUALLY making progress.

Good job!! Keep up the good work

[Grappa]

Little off topic but yeesh... tired of this damn cold I have. Definitely reduces the flavor of foods.

Was thinking of having my second deload session today but not 100% sure. Feeling a bit tired, but lifting usually perks me up a bit.

Basically it's between napping or lifting... which to choose? Dunno...dunnoo..

Sleeping a lot when u have a cold can make wonders!

[howardyeates]

Hey guys,

I'm peoples advice or opinions on my current situation and I know this group is probably the best around for that.

Developed a very unhealthy relationship with food in the summer and dropped from 77-58kg in maybe 4 months or so. Ate very little and exercised out of guilt. I still cant quite explain how I found myself in this position or mindset but I did and am still suffering for the fall out. Binges started happening around 64/65kg and became more frequent as my weight kept dropping. It wasn't until I had to suspend my studies to recover from the physical/emotional problems I was dealt. Now as I started to try and eat a more sensible amount of food I couldn't stop the binges. I read about extreme hunger and pretty confident that this was down to being so deprived and malnourished. I made this process worse and more impacting by fighting the urges to eat and trying to make up for binges. Over the months November-February the binges were almost daily, sometimes twice, thrice or even 4 times in a day. I simply could not shove enough food into my mouth. Throughout this process I tried to keep active and was lifting to try and build up the muscles that had diminished during my stupidity. Over the space of 4 months I had put on 17kg and am weighing at around the 75kg mark. Having restored my weight to what I was prior to dieting, I feel like my old self and a million times better mentally, something I struggled with when I started restricting. Anyway, now on to my question. The binges have become manageable and less frequent but they're still there and showing little sign of going away, the binges are now down to 1 a week but for whatever reason I cannot seem to break that cycle. I don't restrict to make up for them anymore, instead I try and eat to my hunger signals with food that offers both nutrition and tastiness. This works great when I am focused and driven to break the cycle but seemingly lets me down on occasion, I get these moment were my its still like a bottomless pit inside and that is when I binge. I no longer show any sign that I was once so skinny, I hold a fair amount of fat around my abdomen and chest now which always looks worse because the binges leave me bloated/stretched. I no longer care about this as the binges are my only priority.

Sorry to ramble on but now onto the actual point of this post.
Could the binges still be a side effect of my extreme diet or have I just become a gluttonous pig? Id love some peoples help if they have been through similar and could offer some help.

Onto the actual point of my post,

[Grappa]

Hey guys,

I'm peoples advice or opinions on my current situation and I know this group is probably the best around for that.

Developed a very unhealthy relationship with food in the summer and dropped from 77-58kg in maybe 4 months or so. Ate very little and exercised out of guilt. I still cant quite explain how I found myself in this position or mindset but I did and am still suffering for the fall out. Binges started happening around 64/65kg and became more frequent as my weight kept dropping. It wasn't until I had to suspend my studies to recover from the physical/emotional problems I was dealt. Now as I started to try and eat a more sensible amount of food I couldn't stop the binges. I read about extreme hunger and pretty confident that this was down to being so deprived and malnourished. I made this process worse and more impacting by fighting the urges to eat and trying to make up for binges. Over the months November-February the binges were almost daily, sometimes twice, thrice or even 4 times in a day. I simply could not shove enough food into my mouth. Throughout this process I tried to keep active and was lifting to try and build up the muscles that had diminished during my stupidity. Over the space of 4 months I had put on 17kg and am weighing at around the 75kg mark. Having restored my weight to what I was prior to dieting, I feel like my old self and a million times better mentally, something I struggled with when I started restricting. Anyway, now on to my question. The binges have become manageable and less frequent but they're still there and showing little sign of going away, the binges are now down to 1 a week but for whatever reason I cannot seem to break that cycle. I don't restrict to make up for them anymore, instead I try and eat to my hunger signals with food that offers both nutrition and tastiness. This works great when I am focused and driven to break the cycle but seemingly lets me down on occasion, I get these moment were my its still like a bottomless pit inside and that is when I binge. I no longer show any sign that I was once so skinny, I hold a fair amount of fat around my abdomen and chest now which always looks worse because the binges leave me bloated/stretched. I no longer care about this as the binges are my only priority.

Sorry to ramble on but now onto the actual point of this post.
Could the binges still be a side effect of my extreme diet or have I just become a gluttonous pig? Id love some peoples help if they have been through similar and could offer some help.

Onto the actual point of my post,

Noooo u have not become a gluttonous pig!!! You have actually done a WONDERFUL JOB! I have experienced extreme hunger too, but as u mentioned it is starting to pass away, just keep trusting the process, trust your body it know what to do Overeating a day is not big of a deal, keep in mind normal peeps also do the same, they overeat sometimes, we all do, do not be afraid!

[AdamWW]

Sleeping a lot when u have a cold can make wonders!

That and soup

[AdamWW]

Noooo u have not become a gluttonous pig!!! You have actually done a WONDERFUL JOB! I have experienced extreme hunger too, but as u mentioned it is starting to pass away, just keep trusting the process, trust your body it know what to do Overeating a day is not big of a deal, keep in mind normal peeps also do the same, they overeat sometimes, we all do, do not be afraid!

I tend to agree with grappa here...

If you're following your natural cues, and things are getting less frequent, it's a sign that you are losing the mental obsession with food and probably starting to normalize.

[AdamWW]

Love Eric's explanation of 'how to know when you're recovered'







"...you are not fully recovered from your eating disorder until you stop thinking about your eating disorder".

Simple... but I can see a lot of truth in that.

[Grappa]

Love Eric's explanation of 'how to know when you're recovered'







"...you are not fully recovered from your eating disorder until you stop thinking about your eating disorder".

Simple... but I can see a lot of truth in that.

This is true, as my former psychiatrist suggested, i am mentally stable, so i do not need any mental help i can take action if drunkorexia wants to creep back into my life. But being stable mentally does not mean i do not have times when i want to solve my problems with alcohol.

[AdamWW]

This is true, as my former psychiatrist suggested, i am mentally stable, so i do not need any mental help i can take action if drunkorexia wants to creep back into my life. But beeg stable mentally does not mean i do not have times when i want to solve my problems with alcohol.

what's drunkorexia? Just meaning alcoholism?

I've had a couple other mental/addition issues in my time. There was a period during college and even in the later part of my high school times where I took pain killers (opioids) recreationally. But, when my brother died from an accidental combination of the same kid of pills + booze, I never touched them again. Major fear of mine.

[Grappa]

It is not alcoholism, it is a condition where you are addicted to the "hunger high" i bet u know how that feels, plus you cope with stress as drinking a lot. I have a hard time manageing stress + emotionally i am really sensitive. In a nutshell you hide your problems behind starving yourself and drinking. The worst part of it is that doing smthg like this is really effective to escape reality. That is why i do not have problem with eating etc, cuz my problem roots from depression.

[AdamWW]

It is not alcoholism, it is a condition where you are addicted to the "hunger high" i bet u know how that feels, plus you cope with stress as drinking a lot. I have a hard time manageing stress + emotionally i am really sensitive. In a nutshell you hide your problems behind starving yourself and drinking. The worst part of it is that doing smthg like this is really effective to escape reality. That is why i do not have problem with eating etc, cuz my problem roots from depression.

Ahh yup... I have had versions of that in my life before.

It's rough

[Grappa]

Ahh yup... I have had versions of that in my life before.

It's rough

Yes it is, but luckily i know that running away from my problems instead of solving them is a terrible approach.

[AdamWW]

Yes it is, but luckily i know that running away from my problems instead of solving them is a terrible approach.

Makes you feel happy to be alive

[Grappa]

Makes you feel happy to be alive

Not just that, actually i am amazed that i am alive, beeing that malnourished is really hardcore. And worst part of it during that time i was not even realised it.

[AdamWW]

Not just that, actually i am amazed that i am alive, beeing that malnourished is really hardcore. And worst part of it during that time i was not even realised it.

I know what you mean... the lack of libido, lack of energy, cold feeling, brain fog... it all starts to feel 'normal'...

then when you start getting better, you're amazed how you should ACTUALLY feel.

[Grappa]

I know what you mean... the lack of libido, lack of energy, cold feeling, brain fog... it all starts to feel 'normal'...

then when you start getting better, you're amazed how you should ACTUALLY feel.

Exactly But the best part of it when u finally free from that fking brain fog

[AdamWW]

Exactly But the best part of it when u finally free from that fking brain fog

First thing I noticed was sex drive and sleep... everything is slowly improving still

[Grappa]

First thing I noticed was sex drive and sleep... everything is slowly improving still

Usually the brain fog is the last thing what goes away, but when it does you will going to have a different mindset, that is when your neurotransmitters recover. A lot of us forget this aspect, cuz not only our bodies suffered damage, our brain is what received the most, that is why your hunger/fullness cues are off, that is why you always feel triggered, that is why you want to get back to your ED, your brain play this mental game with you, and you have to fight with it every day, i know it is hard, it was hard for me too, but this urges will slowly gets away, and you will going to pay less and less attention what your ed wants to do.

[Grappa]

^That is why in my opinion an agressiver refeed is more beneficial than a slow one, cuz you will going to regain your sanity faster

[AdamWW]

^That is why in my opinion an agressiver refeed is more beneficial than a slow one, cuz you will going to regain your sanity faster

Completely agree.

Right now, the times where I feel physically BEST are after massive feedings... where i get both lots of fats and lots of carbs in a single sitting..

My body clearly WANTS to put on fat, and I need to just let it (and I am... but I can do better).

It's very similar to when I did 'exposures' for my anxiety during my therapy for panic attacks... the idea was to actually GIVE yourself panic attacks to train your brain to accept the stimulus as nothing to be feared. It's VERY exhausting... it almost feels like you're losing your mind sometimes... but the fact is, it's actually getting better.

The more you're able to eat, and accept that eating and fat gain is OK... the more you can see how stupid it is to control your food and obsess over your body.

Same with my compulsive exercise: the more I lay off over-training, the more I let my body heal, the less scary it will become... but sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.

Exposure Therapy: A form of CBT, exposure therapy is a process for reducing fear and anxiety responses. In therapy, a person is gradually exposed to a feared situation or object, learning to become less sensitive over time. This type of therapy has been found to be particularly effective for obsessive-compulsive disorder and phobias.

[Grappa]

Completely agree.

Right now, the times where I feel physically BEST are after massive feedings... where i get both lots of fats and lots of carbs in a single sitting..

My body clearly WANTS to put on fat, and I need to just let it (and I am... but I can do better).

It's very similar to when I did 'exposures' for my anxiety during my therapy for panic attacks... the idea was to actually GIVE yourself panic attacks to train your brain to accept the stimulus as nothing to be feared. It's VERY exhausting... it almost feels like you're losing your mind sometimes... but the fact is, it's actually getting better.

The more you're able to eat, and accept that eating and fat gain is OK... the more you can see how stupid it is to control your food and obsess over your body.

Same with my compulsive exercise: the more I lay off over-training, the more I let my body heal, the less scary it will become... but sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.

Exposure Therapy: A form of CBT, exposure therapy is a process for reducing fear and anxiety responses. In therapy, a person is gradually exposed to a feared situation or object, learning to become less sensitive over time. This type of therapy has been found to be particularly effective for obsessive-compulsive disorder and phobias.

LOOOL i am so happy that u mentioned this, cuz sometimes i trigger myself on purpose in order to face with it. I have also mentioned this few posts ago I have learned this method from my psychiatrist.

[AdamWW]

LOOOL i am so happy that u mentioned this, cuz sometimes i trigger myself on purpose in order to face with it. I have also mentioned this few posts ago I have learned this method from my psychiatrist.

It sounds SO counter intuitive, but it fukkin works..

I did this a few times already in the last couple weeks... it wasn't a binge... but it was purposeful, mindful over-eating.

Basically I made dinner and then on purpose chose specific things I knew I would fear... and basically just ate them until I didn't want anymore. Didn't make myself sick... but I ate to 100% satisfaction. And you know, after I was done, I didn't want them anymore... I mean I had to eat a LOT... but it's teaching me that i CAN be OK no matter what I eat or how much....

powerful stuff.

https://uncexchanges.org/2015/08/24/...osure-therapy/
"Researchers have also shown that in patients diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, mealtime food exposures are effective at increasing food intake (Steinglass et al., 2014), decreasing anxiety around food, and in exposures facilitated with learning medication, increased weight regain (Levinson et al., 2015). In this type of exposure therapy patients are exposed to feared foods. During the exposure, patients are encouraged to experience (instead of avoid) the resulting anxiety and to refrain from engaging in any avoidance or ritualistic behaviors that serve to temporarily reduce the anxiety."



Basically you CAUSE anxiety, and you have to tough it out until you break your mind's fear response.

[Grappa]

It sounds SO counter intuitive, but it fukkin works..

I did this a few times already in the last couple weeks... it wasn't a binge... but it was purposeful, mindful over-eating.

Basically I made dinner and then on purpose chose specific things I knew I would fear... and basically just ate them until I didn't want anymore. Didn't make myself sick... but I ate to 100% satisfaction. And you know, after I was done, I didn't want them anymore... I mean I had to eat a LOT... but it's teaching me that i CAN be OK no matter what I eat or how much....

powerful stuff.

https://uncexchanges.org/2015/08/24/...osure-therapy/
"Researchers have also shown that in patients diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, mealtime food exposures are effective at increasing food intake (Steinglass et al., 2014), decreasing anxiety around food, and in exposures facilitated with learning medication, increased weight regain (Levinson et al., 2015). In this type of exposure therapy patients are exposed to feared foods. During the exposure, patients are encouraged to experience (instead of avoid) the resulting anxiety and to refrain from engaging in any avoidance or ritualistic behaviors that serve to temporarily reduce the anxiety."



Basically you CAUSE anxiety, and you have to tough it out until you break your mind's fear response.

You have to experience what is too much, what is too little. Actually you are doing it kinda mindfully, which is nice, when i was that stage i went all in that, there was times when i have eaten so much that i have puked cuz i am not gifted with a huge capacity but during that time i was always hungry no matter what/how much i have eaten.