Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[letsallmakeit]

Question, if you guys ate a lot in a day, do you just follow hunger cues next day and still eat what you want and like?

[Nightflier101BL]

Question, if you guys ate a lot in a day, do you just follow hunger cues next day and still eat what you want and like?

Yes I do.

[letsallmakeit]

Yes I do.

thanks for replying!

[letsallmakeit]

So this happened to me. I have several questions,

1) So I decided to weight myself because I haven't in some time and I gained around 3 pounds in like 1 month. I'm 157.5 and 6'1-2''. When exactly do I start feeling better overall? especially mentally?

2) Did you guys had most of the fat going towards the belly? It's pretty hard to avoid looking at yourself and see how messy I look from what I was looking before.

[AdamWW]

So this happened to me. I have several questions,

1) So I decided to weight myself because I haven't in some time and I gained around 3 pounds in like 1 month. I'm 157.5 and 6'1-2''. When exactly do I start feeling better overall? especially mentally?

2) Did you guys had most of the fat going towards the belly? It's pretty hard to avoid looking at yourself and see how messy I look from what I was looking before.

You're just continuing to not follow the advice given here.

if you're asking the same questions, not following the advice when given... I don't know what else to do. At some point you need to actually change something.

[Strawng]

You're just continuing to not follow the advice given here.

if you're asking the same questions, not following the advice when given... I don't know what else to do. At some point you need to actually change something.

This. You keep asking the same questions and getting the same answers, dude. FWIW 1) No one can tell you when you'll feel better and every body's different. You'll likely also need to work on yourself by finding hobbies completely outside of fitness or food, building a social life, and (IMO as well as most experts) finding some sot of meditative or spiritual practice. Also, at your height and weight, you will have to gain for a very long time. You also need to know that 3 lbs per month really isn't fast at all in this context.

2) Fat oftentimes disproportionately distributes right to the belly at first. This is nothing to worry about so long as you continue to gain. It will redistribute with time. This is common knowledge in ED clinics.

[AdamWW]

2) Fat oftentimes disproportionately distributes right to the belly at first. This is nothing to worry about so long as you continue to gain. It will redistribute with time. This is common knowledge in ED clinics.

Yeah this has been an interesting process for me along the way seeing where it's been going. Definitely mainly in my trunk and arse...

Also x2 on the amount someone has to gain before 'feeling good'.

To be brutally honest, I am still nowhere NEAR 100%... it may feel insanely better than before, but there's no comparison between even how I am now vs. when I was like... 16 or something... and frankly, because I had my ED for so long actively, who knows if it'll ever really get it 100% to where it was back then. All I know is, trying to pinpoint WHEN i'll feel totally physically recovered is just as pointless as trying to figure out when you'll hit a naturally muscular limit... it just doesn't matter.

Keep doing the work and and you'll get as far as you can possibly go. No sense in trying to worry about timelines.

[letsallmakeit]

This. You keep asking the same questions and getting the same answers, dude. FWIW 1) No one can tell you when you'll feel better and every body's different. You'll likely also need to work on yourself by finding hobbies completely outside of fitness or food, building a social life, and (IMO as well as most experts) finding some sot of meditative or spiritual practice. Also, at your height and weight, you will have to gain for a very long time. You also need to know that 3 lbs per month really isn't fast at all in this context.

2) Fat oftentimes disproportionately distributes right to the belly at first. This is nothing to worry about so long as you continue to gain. It will redistribute with time. This is common knowledge in ED clinics.

so wait, how did you guys actually got used to the new way of looking when gaining weight? like I have gained weight, but it's so hard for me to accept getting wider, more bloated and my belly sticking out.

[letsallmakeit]

Yeah this has been an interesting process for me along the way seeing where it's been going. Definitely mainly in my trunk and arse...

Also x2 on the amount someone has to gain before 'feeling good'.

To be brutally honest, I am still nowhere NEAR 100%... it may feel insanely better than before, but there's no comparison between even how I am now vs. when I was like... 16 or something... and frankly, because I had my ED for so long actively, who knows if it'll ever really get it 100% to where it was back then. All I know is, trying to pinpoint WHEN i'll feel totally physically recovered is just as pointless as trying to figure out when you'll hit a naturally muscular limit... it just doesn't matter.

Keep doing the work and and you'll get as far as you can possibly go. No sense in trying to worry about timelines.

thanks! my hardest problem is actually accepting the belly increasing in size everywhere man it's too hard to accept. I also energy wise don't feel much better :/

[AdamWW]

so wait, how did you guys actually got used to the new way of looking when gaining weight? like I have gained weight, but it's so hard for me to accept getting wider, more bloated and my belly sticking out.

I don't think it's so much 'getting used to' anything, it's just that I have learned that every state of being has a trade-off. If you wanna be insanely lean, like I was, you have to suffer mentally, physically, socially... etc.

Conversely, by gaining weight, you no longer have to suffer. Over time, it just became clear that NOT being hungry, cold, and miserable all the time was way, way more valuable than being skinnier than everyone else.

So sure, I don't have thin-skin and veins on my lower abs anymore, but I have like 1000 other things I didn't have when I was restricting. What matters more to you? That trade-off will never go away... you need to accept that you can either (1) suffer forever but be super lean, or (2) not be super lean, but not suffer and have a fulfilling life. Pretty easy choice to me.

Everything

thanks! my hardest problem is actually accepting the belly increasing in size everywhere man it's too hard to accept. I also energy wise don't feel much better :/

You probably need more time, and you're also STILL stressing out over your appearance. You're not going to get better if you don't rewire your value systems. Depression from this anxiety can make you feel horrible, and for all you know, your internal organs still aren't back to normal.

[Strawng]

I don't think it's so much 'getting used to' anything, it's just that I have learned that every state of being has a trade-off. If you wanna be insanely lean, like I was, you have to suffer mentally, physically, socially... etc.

Conversely, by gaining weight, you no longer have to suffer. Over time, it just became clear that NOT being hungry, cold, and miserable all the time was way, way more valuable than being skinnier than everyone else.

So sure, I don't have thin-skin and veins on my lower abs anymore, but I have like 1000 other things I didn't have when I was restricting. What matters more to you? That trade-off will never go away... you need to accept that you can either (1) suffer forever but be super lean, or (2) not be super lean, but not suffer and have a fulfilling life. Pretty easy choice to me.

Everything



You probably need more time, and you're also STILL stressing out over your appearance. You're not going to get better if you don't rewire your value systems. Depression from this anxiety can make you feel horrible, and for all you know, your internal organs still aren't back to normal.

This. Ab veins aren't compatible with a social life, sex life, hobbies away from obsessively macro tracking, or even just general life fulfillment in any form. All your thoughts will be consumed by food, and your other desires or emotions are just clouded by hunger. It's the closest thing to Hell on Earth. There's a reason anorexia is the most fatal mental illness, and many of those deaths are suicide. You legitimately don't even know how life can be outside of this chit yet because you're too deep in it.

As for how to deal with your body changing? You don't have to fuking like it, and at first, I garunfukingtee you won't. You redirect your focus. How are you FEELING physically and emotionally? Redirect to felt sensations as opposed to appearances. All us ED folks have problems with this. It's easier said than done, and I still struggle with this concept all the time due to having grown up in a vain and emotionally-stunted family, but I assure you it's worth it.

[DustinTheHuss]

thanks! my hardest problem is actually accepting the belly increasing in size everywhere man it's too hard to accept. I also energy wise don't feel much better :/

I struggle with this myself and even right now I'm getting grief on the Main Misc about my size and I'm in recovery for several eating disorders. I gained some weight with Intuitive Eating and it SUCKS to have this belly fat that wasn't there before, but at least I'm not starving and on a boring bodybuilding diet like I was when I was thin.

[AdamWW]

I struggle with this myself and even right now I'm getting grief on the Main Misc about my size and I'm in recovery for several eating disorders. I gained some weight with Intuitive Eating and it SUCKS to have this belly fat that wasn't there before, but at least I'm not starving and on a boring bodybuilding diet like I was when I was thin.

What sucks about it?

[DustinTheHuss]

What sucks about it?

Well even though I’m 50 I feel self conscious about it when it comes to dating and clothes. It’s hard when people around me have lost a lot of weight and I’ve gained.

Plus after working with an ED nutritionist to perform Intuitive Eating I gained 15 lbs and became pre-diabetic so my Dr. wants me to limit carbs, which is triggering. At my age now diet affects health.

It’s so frustrating.

[AdamWW]

Well even though I’m 50 I feel self conscious about it when it comes to dating and clothes. It’s hard when people around me have lost a lot of weight and I’ve gained.

Plus after working with an ED nutritionist to perform Intuitive Eating I gained 15 lbs and became pre-diabetic so my Dr. wants me to limit carbs, which is triggering. At my age now diet affects health.

It’s so frustrating.

So the 'suckiness' is because people in the misc comment about it in a negative way?

Just a sidenote: diet effects health at any age.

[DustinTheHuss]

So the 'suckiness' is because people in the misc comment about it in a negative way?

Just a sidenote: diet effects health at any age.

Yeah they just listed my physique as the worst female physique on there.

[AdamWW]

Yeah they just listed my physique as the worst female physique on there.

So, you're qualifying your assessment of your body, as a grown, adult, 50 year old woman, on the opinions of people on an internet forum known to troll people for their own entertainment?

I think you're old enough, wise enough, and reasonable enough to know why you should just not be in the misc at all... and why are you even putting yourself in a position to have that said about u?

I've been in there before, and people told me I looked like i had cancer even AFTER I gained 30-40 pounds...

I really don't see why you'd even go into the misc ever... it's for people looking for laughs, or incel idiots just insulting everyone they can. Why are you even posting pictures of your body at all in this context?

[DustinTheHuss]

So, you're qualifying your assessment of your body, as a grown, adult, 50 year old woman, on the opinions of people on an internet forum known to troll people for their own entertainment?

I think you're old enough, wise enough, and reasonable enough to know why you should just not be in the misc at all... and why are you even putting yourself in a position to have that said about u?

I've been in there before, and people told me I looked like i had cancer even AFTER I gained 30-40 pounds...

I really don't see why you'd even go into the misc ever... it's for people looking for laughs, or incel idiots just insulting everyone they can. Why are you even posting pictures of your body at all in this context?

Yeah, a lot of them are incels who are infuriated that a 50 year old woman can date guys in their 20s. I don't know why that place is so additive. Maybe it's because I like some of the sociological and psychological threads. There are older posters on there whom I PM and I like.

They told you that you looked like cancer? That's not nice.

Well on dating apps I get constant white knights who butter me up so I guess I think the Misc kind of tones it down.

[AdamWW]

Yeah, a lot of them are incels who are infuriated that a 50 year old woman can date guys in their 20s. I don't know why that place is so additive. Maybe it's because I like some of the sociological and psychological threads. There are older posters on there whom I PM and I like.

They told you that you looked like cancer? That's not nice.

Well on dating apps I get constant white knights who butter me up so I guess I think the Misc kind of tones it down.

Well it seems to me you need to manage your environment better.

You seem to be aware that the Misc doesn't make you feel good... so, just don't go there or interactive in certain threads/scenarios.

If your goal is get over a body image or eating disorder, I cannot think of a worse place to seek validation about your appearance. Your focus should be more on mental health feeling happy in other ways.

[paulinkansas]

Yeah they just listed my physique as the worst female physique on there.

They are a bunch of 'tards. Don't listen to them.

[DustinTheHuss]

Well it seems to me you need to manage your environment better.

You seem to be aware that the Misc doesn't make you feel good... so, just don't go there or interactive in certain threads/scenarios.

If your goal is get over a body image or eating disorder, I cannot think of a worse place to seek validation about your appearance. Your focus should be more on mental health feeling happy in other ways.

Dating is tough as well as I feel like everything is about size.

They are a bunch of 'tards. Don't listen to them.

Yeah they are a bunch of immature incels.

[AdamWW]

Dating is tough as well as I feel like everything is about size.

Who are you trying to date? College frat boys?

[DustinTheHuss]

Who are you trying to date? College frat boys?

For the past 16 years I have dated mostly college guys and I'm 50 now. I'm also legally married but in a sexless marriage, so I really should stay celibate until we get divorced, most likely next year when our daughter goes off to college.

We stayed together for the sake of our daughter, and I'm certain the stress has contributed to the eating disorder. Plus with the young guys I feel like I'm competing with 22 year old women and that creates body image shame.

My therapist thinks a lot of my severe anxiety symptoms, which include chest pain, stomach pain, burning skin and flu-like symptoms, are from shame as those started in 2001 when I got out of the eating disorder hospital after 3 months and with an extra 50 lbs on me. Then a lot of men commented I looked fat and/or they didn't recognize me, even older men. Since my whole life was wrapped around my appearance and being thin, this sent me into a downward spiral.

Since then I've gained even more weight thanks to Abilify and constant fatigue from my other meds, so I've struggled with binge eating disorder and some bulimia, although I've only purged once this year!!!! But it came with the stress of my mom and 2 aunts who are falling. My mom had a heart attack, stroke and dementia and she's in a nursing home, so that hasn't helped with the ED.

[AdamWW]

For the past 16 years I have dated mostly college guys and I'm 50 now. I'm also legally married but in a sexless marriage, so I really should stay celibate until we get divorced, most likely next year when our daughter goes off to college.

We stayed together for the sake of our daughter, and I'm certain the stress has contributed to the eating disorder. Plus with the young guys I feel like I'm competing with 22 year old women and that creates body image shame.

My therapist thinks a lot of my severe anxiety symptoms, which include chest pain, stomach pain, burning skin and flu-like symptoms, are from shame as those started in 2001 when I got out of the eating disorder hospital after 3 months and with an extra 50 lbs on me. Then a lot of men commented I looked fat and/or they didn't recognize me, even older men. Since my whole life was wrapped around my appearance and being thin, this sent me into a downward spiral.

Since then I've gained even more weight thanks to Abilify and constant fatigue from my other meds, so I've struggled with binge eating disorder and some bulimia, although I've only purged once this year!!!! But it came with the stress of my mom and 2 aunts who are falling. My mom had a heart attack, stroke and dementia and she's in a nursing home, so that hasn't helped with the ED.

I guess I'm just confused why you'd date people under HALF your age?

I'm 37 and I wouldn't even do that.

I might go as young as like, 29, but 18-22??? Heck no.... they're way, WAY too immature, zero life experience.... would never work.

[stevowrock]

I can’t seem to get over of trying to not look at my belly, trying to not look in the mirror. I want to eat what I want and how much I want without feeling guilty or without holding back even if it’s nutrition or healthy eating it seems hard for me. I can’t seem to stop thinking that I need to love in order to eat what I want.

Suppostly it could be ocd? but I have done this for probably ten years and it’s hard for me to stop. I gain weight and look at myself and feel bad and then go back. I feel like im not living my fullest life.

help and advice please. thanks!

[DustinTheHuss]

I guess I'm just confused why you'd date people under HALF your age?

I'm 37 and I wouldn't even do that.

I might go as young as like, 29, but 18-22??? Heck no.... they're way, WAY too immature, zero life experience.... would never work.

I don’t know? I seem to connect with them. One psychiatrist says that you don’t mature properly with eating disorders. I am trying to date my age, though!

[AdamWW]

I don’t know? I seem to connect with them. One psychiatrist says that you don’t mature properly with eating disorders. I am trying to date my age, though!

If you connect with them, wouldn’t it be odd none turn into lasting relationships ?

Not saying you HAVE to seek that out, but it seems you’re looking for validation in some strange places: the misc, immature males….

What other things bring you a sense of fulfillment in your life? Any hobbies or other things you can focus on?

Personally I just find it hard to imagine “connecting” very deeply with someone less than half my age… our interests would be so vastly different.

[DustinTheHuss]

If you connect with them, wouldn’t it be odd none turn into lasting relationships ?

Not saying you HAVE to seek that out, but it seems you’re looking for validation in some strange places: the misc, immature males….

What other things bring you a sense of fulfillment in your life? Any hobbies or other things you can focus on?

Personally I just find it hard to imagine “connecting” very deeply with someone less than half my age… our interests would be so vastly different.

Some have turned into lasting relationships such as I’ve had one FWB for 7 years and another for the past 2 years where we’ve admitted had strong feelings for each other. The biggest reason is the age gap as they want kids and I’m done having kids.

The Misc kind of balanced out as I got a huge head from the validation I received on dating apps.

My therapist thinks the validation seeking comes down to shame from the weight gain from anorexia, so she works with me on exposure therapy by looking at photos of me at my current size. Needless to say, that practice causes physical anxiety with chest and stomach pain.

I got severe anxiety about 6 months after I got out of the ED hospital as men made comments such as, “oh look at you, you’re getting fat”. Or, “you looked good. you weren’t too thin”.

I should also add I’ve been sexually assaulted so I’m sure that plays a lot into this.

[stevowrock]

I can’t seem to get this :/

[AdamWW]

I can’t seem to get this :/

Get this?