What is it with men telling women to smile?

[TrainBetter]

Men never tell other men to smile and women never tell other women to smile. I'm completing some ordinary task and some guy tells me I need to smile...


New guy at work kept saying it today and asking why I wasn't talking. I was talking with some girls nearby him just prior to that and we were all bent over laughing. I talk with several people that I work with. The 3-4th time: "Girl you need to put a smile on your face", I acted like I didn't hear and just finished what I was doing before walking off.

This isn't the first time I've heard it. A few times, it seems to be guys that want to get to know you- it's their pick up line...one made some comment that if I hooked up with him he'd put a smile on my face...

At any given time when they say this, you could look around the room and point out that everyone else is doing their work with neutral faces...even the person saying it isn't walking around everywhere with a smile. I smile when I'm talking with and getting along with people.





At work:

[lchoward]

I totally get this. And it drives me nuts. I've never even considered your statement about how men never tell other men to smile and women never tell other women to.
I get it at work [you know - when I'm working...] and just randomly, walking down the street. It's like people (men) think I should just walk around with a goofy-looking smile on my face all the time, lol.
If you figure this out, let me know! My go-to response has become "say something funny".

[LunaLifts]

This thread actually came up before, and got all serious. Mostly from men who think it's fine, because they're men and generally don't have to worry about unwanted advances (i.e. men tend to be psychically stronger so they don't have the same fear that a woman can become forceful in a way they can't handle).

It bothers me. It's basically cat calling, and just another way for men to say "do this with your body because my attraction to you matters more than how your choose to present yourself." Plus You never know if someone has an anxiety disorder, or something that can cause a bad reactions.

If you want a girl to smile don't command her to, just say something fluffin' funny.

[TrainBetter]

It really bothers me...Stopped talking to that guy (that mentioned he'd put a smile on my face if I hooked up with him) because he wouldn't talk about anything else! *Multiple* times, I'd been joking with someone and he'd say "Oh, you're smiling!" or "See, you can smile!"...you'd think with the number of times he'd said that to me, he'd realize I don't have a problem with smiling. I always answered with something along the lines of "because they gave me a reason to smile".

You have to be genuine with a person to make them smile or say something interesting or funny...you cannot simply tell someone to do it. You cannot order me to be excited to see you.

I honestly feel harassed when a guy goes on like this with me...want them to leave me alone. I feel forced to respond or to explain myself. It's obvious they just want attention...it's the wrong way to go about it.

[fitfanatic123]

oh yeah i started that thread a few months ago.

the security guard in my office building that i walk by every single morning tells me to smile all the time. just makes me extremely uncomfortable lol... he still does it btw

[sy2502]

Nope, never happened to me. But I guess I would ask the guy what is there to smile about exactly.

[McNeelz]

I can't tell you why they do it, but I've experienced the same thing, usually from random men. It actually makes me want to scowl at them.

[itsagoodday]

I simultaneously smile and say no. That confuses them.

[vandalgirl59]

Hmm...I've heard this a lot from guys actually. I think it's either a) their attempt at starting a conversation, or b) a nervous phrase to use when they have nothing else to say (and let's be honest...they usually don't lol).

Can't say it's ever bothered me. I'm pretty smiley as it is, so when I hear it, I automatically grin without thinking, but continue walking and go about my day.

I think y'all are reading too much into it, but that's my opinion. I can't know your experiences.

Now for the one's who you know are intentionally using it to be gross/too forward...that's another story lol. Just come up with a witty comeback that leaves them dumbfounded.

[lchoward]

I think it is a bit dependent on the context, who says it, and how they say it. For the most part for me, it's generally in passing (sometimes strangers, sometimes coworkers I walk by several times a day). I feel it's kind of derogatory and a form of cat-calling. To Luna's point, I wear my feelings on my sleeve and I may be legitimately upset/mad about something or stressed out of just really focused at work, and I don't appreciate being "called out" in such an insincere way. It's really frustrating to me. But then it has happened a few times (literally maybe twice) when it will be said but then they'll show genuine concern over whether or not I'm okay. That, I can appreciate. The other just feels like they're objectifying me, want something nice to look at, and/or are using it as a means of control. I can see how it could be interpreted as "reading too much into it", but I think the feeling that it conveys on me speaks more to what they mean than the actual words that they say, if that makes sense.
As for those who mentioned having the same male say that to them every day or multiple times, I'd approach them about it. Men should not be allowed to talk to you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, whether it's telling you to smile or otherwise. In passing, I'll blow it off. But if it was happening all the time, we'd be having a chat.

[Jammer02xd]

Just wanted to offer my opinion as a man... I don't think I've ever said that phrase to any woman other than someone I knew and it was always in a vain attempt to lighten the mood or make them feel better. Kind of like "Smile. Things aren't that bad" or whatever. I don't think I could imagine saying that to some random woman.

[TrainBetter]

See, I'm very rarely in a terrible mood. I'm usually quite neutral. But a guy is basically saying I look miserable in saying this...I think it's a bit unfair when I'm actually doing just fine. It's also irritating when it's clearly just an attempt to start conversation - there are other ways to get to know a person.

Nobody likes having to force an emotion. Smiling should be a natural event.

[sy2502]

Sometimes when I am out and about, like at some store, and I see the cashier or the barista or whatever with a sad face on, I don't TELL them to smile, I try to make them smile by being nice, or making a joke or something. If you want to see people smile, you don't just tell them to smile, you give them something to smile about.

[TheFuarkingBoss]

Girl you need to lighten up a bit and smile.









Just kidding stop being so sensitive.

[rhbrand]

Telling someone to smile is freaking RUDE! You have no idea what's going on in their lives. Maybe their dog is dying. Maybe they have a migraine but can't call in sick today. Maybe their car didn't start. Maybe they just don't feel like ****ing smiling.

You don't think to tell another man to smile, so don't tell a woman to smile. I don't owe you a smile.

[sy2502]

Telling someone to smile is freaking RUDE! You have no idea what's going on in their lives. Maybe their dog is dying. Maybe they have a migraine but can't call in sick today. Maybe their car didn't start. Maybe they just don't feel like ****ing smiling.

You don't think to tell another man to smile, so don't tell a woman to smile. I don't owe you a smile.

This! I wonder if the same men who tell us to "lighten up and don't be so sensitive" would walk up to a male stranger and tell him to smile. Something tells me they would be too afraid to get punched in the face to do that.

[LadyKD23]

I'm a bartender and as a very focused person with 50 different tasks that I'm juggling at any given time, I physically cannot keep a smile on my face the entire time. I love my job and I love the energy, but it is nevertheless a very stressful and challenging environment...Between the jackass over there giving me a hard time, his girlfriend giving me the stink-eye, the cocktail waitresses who need their drinks, the indecisive/disorganized people who take forever to order, the payments I'm processing in near-darkness, the squinting that I have to do at the super bright computer screen, the insanely loud music and the $3000 in sales that I am ringing, keeping a smile on my face is impossible. I normally do a fantastic job at it, but I'm not a robot...

Without fail, the moment that something goes bunk on the computer or I get super focused on what I'm doing and I don't have a big stupid grin on my face, some know-it-all idiot dude (NEVER a woman, by the way) always appears, goes out of his way to make me stop what I'm doing as if he wants a drink or something and then says, "Hey, SMILE!" OMG I become furious...lol. How dare you!? The last guy that did that to me was kicked out immediately. lol.

I couldn't resist commenting on your thread, OP...this is the one and only thing that has the ability to infuriate me instantly. It is BEYOND rude and disrespectful and the people who do it cannot seem to understand why. But for me, telling anyone to "smile" is rife with assumption and condescension. Ugh.

[BrotherWolf]

oh yeah i started that thread a few months ago.

the security guard in my office building that i walk by every single morning tells me to smile all the time. just makes me extremely uncomfortable lol... he still does it btw

at some point you're going to have to get rude or tell his supervisor

[BrotherWolf]

Men never tell other men to smile and women never tell other women to smile. I'm completing some ordinary task and some guy tells me I need to smile...


New guy at work kept saying it today and asking why I wasn't talking. I was talking with some girls nearby him just prior to that and we were all bent over laughing. I talk with several people that I work with. The 3-4th time: "Girl you need to put a smile on your face", I acted like I didn't hear and just finished what I was doing before walking off.

This isn't the first time I've heard it. A few times, it seems to be guys that want to get to know you- it's their pick up line...one made some comment that if I hooked up with him he'd put a smile on my face...

At any given time when they say this, you could look around the room and point out that everyone else is doing their work with neutral faces...even the person saying it isn't walking around everywhere with a smile. I smile when I'm talking with and getting along with people.





At work:

I have actually seen women doing it to other women , usually older women

[BrotherWolf]

If you want to see people smile, you don't just tell them to smile, you give them something to smile about.

I send them dic pics, don't know why but they always start laughing.. whatever works I guess

[Iceman1800]

I'm a bartender and as a very focused person with 50 different tasks that I'm juggling at any given time, I physically cannot keep a smile on my face the entire time. I love my job and I love the energy, but it is nevertheless a very stressful and challenging environment...Between the jackass over there giving me a hard time, his girlfriend giving me the stink-eye, the cocktail waitresses who need their drinks, the indecisive/disorganized people who take forever to order, the payments I'm processing in near-darkness, the squinting that I have to do at the super bright computer screen, the insanely loud music and the $3000 in sales that I am ringing, keeping a smile on my face is impossible. I normally do a fantastic job at it, but I'm not a robot...

Without fail, the moment that something goes bunk on the computer or I get super focused on what I'm doing and I don't have a big stupid grin on my face, some know-it-all idiot dude (NEVER a woman, by the way) always appears, goes out of his way to make me stop what I'm doing as if he wants a drink or something and then says, "Hey, SMILE!" OMG I become furious...lol. How dare you!? The last guy that did that to me was kicked out immediately. lol.

I couldn't resist commenting on your thread, OP...this is the one and only thing that has the ability to infuriate me instantly. It is BEYOND rude and disrespectful and the people who do it cannot seem to understand why. But for me, telling anyone to "smile" is rife with assumption and condescension. Ugh.

I agree. I put this rude behavior right up there with women pointing out a chair and telling me to take a seat. I know what chairs are for and I'll sit when I f'ing want to. Bossy people.....sheesh

[sy2502]

I'm a bartender and as a very focused person with 50 different tasks that I'm juggling at any given time, I physically cannot keep a smile on my face the entire time. I love my job and I love the energy, but it is nevertheless a very stressful and challenging environment...Between the jackass over there giving me a hard time, his girlfriend giving me the stink-eye, the cocktail waitresses who need their drinks, the indecisive/disorganized people who take forever to order, the payments I'm processing in near-darkness, the squinting that I have to do at the super bright computer screen, the insanely loud music and the $3000 in sales that I am ringing, keeping a smile on my face is impossible. I normally do a fantastic job at it, but I'm not a robot...

Without fail, the moment that something goes bunk on the computer or I get super focused on what I'm doing and I don't have a big stupid grin on my face, some know-it-all idiot dude (NEVER a woman, by the way) always appears, goes out of his way to make me stop what I'm doing as if he wants a drink or something and then says, "Hey, SMILE!" OMG I become furious...lol. How dare you!? The last guy that did that to me was kicked out immediately. lol.

I couldn't resist commenting on your thread, OP...this is the one and only thing that has the ability to infuriate me instantly. It is BEYOND rude and disrespectful and the people who do it cannot seem to understand why. But for me, telling anyone to "smile" is rife with assumption and condescension. Ugh.

Just spit in their drinks and watch them drink it, that will put a smile on your face

[LunaLifts]

I send them dic pics, don't know why but they always start laughing.. whatever works I guess

Lol.

Just spit in their drinks and watch them drink it, that will put a smile on your face

I second this. >.<

[BrotherWolf]

Kind of on topic lmao
now that is how you respond


http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=173520301

[LunaLifts]

Kind of on topic lmao
now that is how you respond


http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=173520301

Hahahaha! Yep, that would shut it down quick.

[BrotherWolf]

Hahahaha! Yep, that would shut it down quick.

like hitting a freight train lol

[sy2502]

Kind of on topic lmao
now that is how you respond


http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=173520301

That's priceless...

[PTzFree]

Pardon the intrusion into the female misc but it's been my impression that when I see another guy do this it's usually a poverty attempt at a pickup line. They are essentially trying to tell a girl they are attractive by implying that they enjoy seeing them smile.

Cliffs:
- shoulda put this FA outta his misery and hit him in the face with a stapler.

[sy2502]

Pardon the intrusion into the female misc but it's been my impression that when I see another guy do this it's usually a poverty attempt at a pickup line. They are essentially trying to tell a girl they are attractive by implying that they enjoy seeing them smile.

Cliffs:
- shoulda put this FA outta his misery and hit him in the face with a stapler.

LOL

Somebody tell these guys which pickup lines work and which makes us want to smash their faces in with a 2x4.

[sy2502]

On top of everything that has been said about this topic already a million times, I think men really like women smiling. You can test this by randomly smiling at a guy, and it's like his face lights up. So it's equivalent to them telling a woman in a politically correct way to show her boobs

Meh, every human being likes to see a smiling face. Pretty sure we are wired for it.