The No Contact Thread V.4: Fresh Year, Same Problems..

[cpoint10]

You are not an idiot, you ****ing *******. Cut the crap. What happened? Unless you're a crazy psycho, something happened for you to end things.



We're waiting for ya then.

I just became content and essentially bored. There was no change in our lives. Doing it caused me to expand a bit, move out, and really focus on my career-- which I'm thankful for, but after a few months of thinking and really spending time in my thoughts, I realize I'm at a point where the negatives of ending things got me to a better place, but i would also like her back in my life, as I really think it could be a more mature and beneficial relationship being that we will have established ourselves as individuals first, rather than relying on one another, if that makes sense.

[jotenko]

I just became content and essentially bored. There was no change in our lives. Doing it caused me to expand a bit, move out, and really focus on my career-- which I'm thankful for, but after a few months of thinking and really spending time in my thoughts, I realize I'm at a point where the negatives of ending things got me to a better place, but i would also like her back in my life, as I really think it could be a more mature and beneficial relationship being that we will have established ourselves as individuals first, rather than relying on one another, if that makes sense.

You don't sound like the usual miscer. You sound like a self-conscious, good, grounded and coherent man.

Ask her out when she's back then.

[cpoint10]

You don't sound like the usual miscer. You sound like a self-conscious, good, grounded and coherent man.

Ask her out when she's back then.

Thanks brah, really focusing on growing mentally right now. Trying to use this as a spear-head towards some internal growth.

[MuckSnapper]

You are not an idiot, you ****ing *******. Cut the crap. What happened? Unless you're a crazy psycho, something happened for you to end things.



We're waiting for ya then.

Y'all in a few weeks:

[kenfowler]

no joke, my phone literally sent me a google pictures collage it "created" for me.

21 pictures of me and my ex. I deleted it all off of my actual phone, but apparently the google drive maintained copies and decided I needed a collage. I'm laughing in an ironic way, but it made me feel sick.

[Vigorish]

The worst part of NC is your mind still thinks you can get the girl somehow...but reality is you can't. :/ (Unless the NC wakes them up and you guys talk things out)

[kenfowler]

The worst part of NC is your mind still thinks you can get the girl somehow...but reality is you can't. :/ (Unless the NC wakes them up and you guys talk things out)

but that's not the point of no contact though is it? My ex has reached out many times and I get sad, cry and delete the texts.

[Vigorish]

but that's not the point of no contact though is it? My ex has reached out many times and I get sad, cry and delete the texts.

It depends imo. Ex-gf is hard. A girl you were just starting to talk to and things got weird and confusing maybe it will work. However that is unlikely.

My friend's ex broke up with him. Went NC for 3 months. He was going away to police academy so decided to have a sit down with her. They are now happily married with 2 kids.

[darwinia]

It depends imo. Ex-gf is hard. A girl you were just starting to talk to and things got weird and confusing maybe it will work. However that is unlikely.

My friend's ex broke up with him. Went NC for 3 months. He was going away to police academy so decided to have a sit down with her. They are now happily married with 2 kids.

That is nice but it's a 1/100 situation

For most girls once they're gone there gone, unless you broke up for some inconsequential reason

Only saying this so other miscers don't hold onto hope, which prevents healing


On topic, my ex just msgd me for first time in a month about getting some mail, just as I was feeling better smh

[jotenko]

Hey, lads.

Just passing by to tell you all that right now - while you heartcrushed l0sers are here crying and longing for them - all of your exes and oneitis are probably swallowing cum from one or more c0cks filled with $h1t from their own 4ss.

Hey, but that's OK, don't worry. Once those girls get tired of it they'll come back to you, and you'll be kissing their chad's-cock-sucking-mouths and cuddling in the couch with them, watching a romantic comedy.

So thank you all and have a nice day.

[HerculesGhost]

^ Lmao

Day 4 of NC. Haven't had the urge to reach out at all until this morning, even going as far as formulating things to say in my head. But then the sun rose and filled me with dat Vitamin D and I came to my senses. Meanwhile, I've been getting mysterious calls from a blocked number since the breakup. Lol

[kenfowler]

What's the point of a dumper sending you breadcrumb text messages? The heartfelt ones, where you can actually imagine them crying and totally missing you? How they mirror all of your thoughts and emotions. I won't text her back, I can't do it. I've blocked her phone number. If I could text her, maybe it would be something like this:

You miss me...I was the best thing that ever happened to you...I'm what you'll compare every future guy to, etc. Why now? Why did you dump me so easily when you were stressed? If you know it now, you must have known it then. How can you just dispose of me like I was just a placeholder? The next one of many? Why say so many kind things, spend so much time with me, involve me so much in you and your son's lives...just to one night break up with me over text message, proceed to give me advice on how to be a better boyfriend in my next relationship...then suddenly have a change of mind somehow. You can't completely crush me, feel bad after a few days and expect me to make a move. Send me endless texts about how you're so hurt? You? You're the one who caused it and you're sending me messages as if I dumped you.

Why can't you leave me alone? YOU messed up. YOU were the one who ended things without attempting to talk it out. YOU were the cause of so many of the issues. Sure I wasn't perfect, but I always did try. Even when I was in the wrong, I'd apologize and try to come to an agreement with you. I was a man, a real man. Not some fake, tough, "don't give a shiit" guy. I was solid, understanding and still flexible enough in my ways that I was willing to work on things with you, compromise in a fair way. You thought those were insecure, indecisive and unmanly qualities and told me such. That is totally false and I wasn't willing to flex enough to do everything you wanted to do which is why you got mad. If I wasn't willing to bend to your will on almost every issue, it would turn into a shame game. "Well if you can't trust me through this, we must not have a good relationship."..."these decisions are for the best in looking out for my son"...

I know you have a past life, past love, past family. That will never disappear. It shouldn't, but I also don't think that it take center stage with your current relationships. If you do love me, if I am so much better than the rest ever were, shouldn't I be a priority of sorts? You continue to tell me you've moved on from your past situations. You seem okay; You're not sad about things, you don't talk about them. I believe you. But at some point, shouldn't you live in the now and begin to move forward if you intend to make something work with another person.

I know you're stressed out a lot. You have a lot to worry about: yourself, your kid, your bills, your job. It's a tough spot to be in. I get it. You're tired. You're anxious. You're frustrated. I see it, and accept it and hope that I can find ways to alleviate your stress in order to make you more relaxed and happy. But, I hate it when you say I'm indecisive and unsure of myself. That's not true at all. I have always made plans for us, and more often than not you're too tired or just want to stay in and watch a movie with me. I enjoyed every second of it. I wasn't going to pry and make you feel like you were taking away from my social life because you just wanted to relax. But you cannot use this against me in saying I'm not a man and can't make decisions. When my options and offers are always turned down, how can I possibly feel confident in my choices? I don't mind letting you pick what we do 50% of the time because your life is so much different than mine and all I care about is seeing you.

[HumanRelations]

Did you guys go/are you going through "stages" in the process of getting over your ex? In the first two weeks I was a sadboy but now, amidst week three, I'm finding myself angry as all **** at her.

[StuartoBlue]

Today is a rough one guys. I'm actually feeling sick. How pathetic is that? Obviously only remembering the good aspects of it all. I'm not being a man right now. I'm laying around my house feeling sad. I don't want to anymore. . It all feels so fresh still. I feel like someone beat the hell out of me. Crushed today. Those dreams last night really fuked me up. I was actually happy again for a little while. I know an ex isn't your whole life and I truly do have a lot more going on. Working out, hobbies, going out a lot, staying busy, etc.

I don't know how to get over this. So many expectations and so many things I decided I was going to be okay with in my heart. I so badly tried to be a good bf. The hardest I've worked in a relationship. I felt good that I was trying so hard and that things were able to be talked about. I tried so hard. Stupidly I figured that her circumstances and my loyalty and genuine self would keep her attracted and fighting. I literally put everything I had into it. No games or anything. It's all just gone now. Like it never even happened. I just feel sick and drained. I don't wanna do anything. It's hard to keep pretending I'm okay when I go out.

I don't know why I had such high expectations. She really fooled me. Always was the one to talk about our future. Saying I was the best person she'd been with. How deeply happy it made her that her son and I got along. How genuine I was. How she could see a future, kids etc. Every girl I've dated has said that and I never really believed it. With her I did though and I wanted it too. I was finally able to just be happy in love. Take it all in. Actually believe my partner. Then, she just dumps me.

How do you involve someone so deeply with your kid and everything else? How do you constantly tell someone how you'll never let them go because they are truly a one in a million, constantly tell them you want all these things with them.. And then just out of stress and frustration be hurtful, rude and then dump them. I am not the kind of guy who tells women nice things just to do it, if I say it I mean it.

Mate let me tell you I can be a hard man but this broke my heart just reading it.

You must take solace in what others who have walked this path and been burned so bad advise, me being one. You are so lucky to have found it and so unlucky you lost it. However it seems all you did was your very best and because it was real love for her it was effortless I assume.

Trust me on this, the human brain was designed with every tragedy and pain already accounted for, you can and WILL recover (with many scars) but a better man for it. Message me anytime buddy.

[kjoel007]

Hey, lads.

Just passing by to tell you all that right now - while you heartcrushed l0sers are here crying and longing for them - all of your exes and oneitis are probably swallowing cum from one or more c0cks filled with $h1t from their own 4ss.

Hey, but that's OK, don't worry. Once those girls get tired of it they'll come back to you, and you'll be kissing their chad's-cock-sucking-mouths and cuddling in the couch with them, watching a romantic comedy.

So thank you all and have a nice day.

I can confirm I am said Chad. Enjoy my kissing the same lips that were wrapped around my dick while you were crying yourselves to sleep you fools!

[LDARboyo]

Hey bros, in.

Broken up with about 4 months ago after a 4 year relationship.

Currently on 3 weeks NC. but I always see her at the college bars and ****.

What are your guys thoughts on keeping ex's on snapchat, Instagram, etc?

Also, I'm super close with her parents so that's rough. Watching football on Sunday with her dad and some of his friends..

I know it's not smart but I try to keep her and her parents separate since I really like her parents. I am moving 4 hours away in the summer for work so that'll probably be good.

[darwinia]

Hey bros, in.

Broken up with about 4 months ago after a 4 year relationship.

Currently on 3 weeks NC. but I always see her at the college bars and ****.

What are your guys thoughts on keeping ex's on snapchat, Instagram, etc?

Also, I'm super close with her parents so that's rough. Watching football on Sunday with her dad and some of his friends..

I know it's not smart but I try to keep her and her parents separate since I really like her parents. I am moving 4 hours away in the summer for work so that'll probably be good.

Delete and block on all socials

I would stop hanging out with her parents man

You can't move on with all this constantly surrounding you

[StuartoBlue]

Darwinia^ is right mate, although it's an alien concept right now it's a must for your own goals and sanity.

I am sure if you explain to the parents where your at and that you need to back off they will understand.

If it's not that simple, All really depends on your ultimate goal of either reconciliation or moving on in the end.

[jotenko]

Hey bros, in.

Broken up with about 4 months ago after a 4 year relationship.

Currently on 3 weeks NC. but I always see her at the college bars and ****.

What are your guys thoughts on keeping ex's on snapchat, Instagram, etc?

Also, I'm super close with her parents so that's rough. Watching football on Sunday with her dad and some of his friends..

I know it's not smart but I try to keep her and her parents separate since I really like her parents. I am moving 4 hours away in the summer for work so that'll probably be good.

Saw ur neg. We're here helping each others back, you m0ron. Sometimes tough love is necessary. Please, understand the dynamics of the place where you are beforehand, bish. $h1t like what's happening to you already happened/is happening to all of us.

Clearly this must be your first time around here...

About your situation:

- NC her
- STOP seeing her parents, man. WTF's wrong with you? Move on.

[MuckSnapper]

Hey, lads.

Just passing by to tell you all that right now - while you heartcrushed l0sers are here crying and longing for them - all of your exes and oneitis are probably swallowing cum from one or more c0cks filled with $h1t from their own 4ss.

Hey, but that's OK, don't worry. Once those girls get tired of it they'll come back to you, and you'll be kissing their chad's-cock-sucking-mouths and cuddling in the couch with them, watching a romantic comedy.

So thank you all and have a nice day.

she's taking a new cock every other day while you're sitting there imagining being with her, look at how fuked up that picture this. getting railed by all kinds of guys. she doesn't give a fuk about you, why should you give one single fuk about her? disregard her completely, I don't care if you've been going after her for months or years, stop it now. I don't care if you think you've put too much time in, stop it. stop thinking how great it would be with her, because it wouldn't. you're better than that. she's just another slut that you were infatuated with. shes average. shes nothing to you. I don't care if she texts you saying she misses you, don't respond. don't wait 2 hours then respond and think you're alpha, you're in the same fuking spot with her at the end. forget about her, work on your goals for life, aesthetics being one of them. when you're aesthetic as fuk, don't give a fuk, alpha and confident as fuk you know what will happen since you've been disregarding her? she will come to you like never before, and you can toy with her fuking emotions if you want. girls live off emotions, you think you're fuked with this oneitis, imagine how bad it will be for her when she sees how awesome you are and you aren't giving her any time. it will eat her inside, then you can eventually fuk her and disregard if you want, or just forget about her. it doesn't matter, you know why? because you're the ****ing man so start acting like it. stop feeling bad for yourself, stop fantasizing about her before you go to bed, stop fapping to her, stop all of this nonsense. you're going to look back and laugh at how dumb you were for being infatuated with this chick when there are tons of them out there, go get more. put yourself out there, lift heavy as fuk, work on ceo'ing, adopt the not a single **** was given attitude and watch your happiness rise to higher levels than ever before.

[UsernameOfPeace]

Did you guys go/are you going through "stages" in the process of getting over your ex? In the first two weeks I was a sadboy but now, amidst week three, I'm finding myself angry as all **** at her.

Yeah bro. I've went from feeling depressed, to being angry, to feeling amazing and free etc and all over again.

Eventually the thoughts will not enter your mind as much. Just like all other things in life that were a huge deal at the time but irrelevant now.

[TunaTunaTuna]

First ever post... struggling mightily right now.

I tend to ****ing hate most modern girls these days, so I'm not one to chase them. I pretty much just work, work out, and keep to myself. But I'd met this one a few times before, and we always clicked and had awesome chemistry. She reached out to me over Christmas. After briefly chatting, I asked her out, and we spent all day together. Smashed on the first date, and it was glorious. She invited me over to meet her family and spend NYE with her a few days later. Stayed over again. Spent the next week talking, and went out again Saturday. She just blew my mind over and over again in bed. And we got along better than I've ever experienced, including with a past spouse. This Sunday, she decided she wanted us to be a couple. I was all in. We planned a trip together and booked it. She asked me to come back the next day to meet her kids (which she said she didn't do unless she was sure the person was going to be around).

That next day, we drove with her kids to a nearby town, and this car pulls into the parking lot next to us. I know this dude (I work with him), so I thought he was pulling up to see me. He wasn't. She goes rigid, and I realize her kids know him. She won't look at him. He doesn't even see me in the front seat due to the angle and the window tint. He just saw a guy and realized she was on a date, so he pulled out and left without saying anything. She gets super weird, and she's texting somebody (i.e., him) the rest of the day. Says she's just "friends" (cue Biz Markie) when I ask.

She calls that afternoon to tell me she needs to take a break to think things through (a break after one ****ing day?). She tries to tell me that this 180 degree change happened as just a total coincidence unconnected to this dude appearing. I confronted her on how bat**** stupid I would have to be to believe that, and I finally get out of her that she had an on and off thing with him, and she realized she still had feelings when she saw him (I believe this, because I've known him for years and trust him, so I flat out called him to talk, and he told me the same about the on/off thing).

I've been ****ing gutted. Just dead inside. What's crazy is this joker has been in a live in relationship with another woman for 10 years, and from what I know, he's always scamming side chicks. He's not going anywhere on his long term woman, especially for a woman with a bunch of kids. So she basically ditched me for a non-existent chance with this guy.

I told her good luck, asked her to cancel my slot on the trip (there went that deposit), deleted all my pictures of her, and stopped contact, but god damn... I caught one-itis bad with her, and I keep trying to rationalize it away (e.g., "she didn't technically cheat", despite the fact that she lied to my face). And I'm cycling through all the emotions (denial, anger, etc) like a goddamned psycho. It won't be an issue for me to not reach out to her, but I'm afraid of caving if she reaches out to me. I keep trying to remember this dude is probably plowing her even as I'm writing this to reinforce myself.

[jotenko]

First ever post... struggling mightily right now.

I tend to ****ing hate most modern girls these days, so I'm not one to chase them. I pretty much just work, work out, and keep to myself. But I'd met this one a few times before, and we always clicked and had awesome chemistry. She reached out to me over Christmas. After briefly chatting, I asked her out, and we spent all day together. Smashed on the first date, and it was glorious. She invited me over to meet her family and spend NYE with her a few days later. Stayed over again. Spent the next week talking, and went out again Saturday. She just blew my mind over and over again in bed. And we got along better than I've ever experienced, including with a past spouse. This Sunday, she decided she wanted us to be a couple. I was all in. We planned a trip together and booked it. She asked me to come back the next day to meet her kids (which she said she didn't do unless she was sure the person was going to be around).

That next day, we drove with her kids to a nearby town, and this car pulls into the parking lot next to us. I know this dude (I work with him), so I thought he was pulling up to see me. He wasn't. She goes rigid, and I realize her kids know him. She won't look at him. He doesn't even see me in the front seat due to the angle and the window tint. He just saw a guy and realized she was on a date, so he pulled out and left without saying anything. She gets super weird, and she's texting somebody (i.e., him) the rest of the day. Says she's just "friends" (cue Biz Markie) when I ask.

She calls that afternoon to tell me she needs to take a break to think things through (a break after one ****ing day?). She tries to tell me that this 180 degree change happened as just a total coincidence unconnected to this dude appearing. I confronted her on how bat**** stupid I would have to be to believe that, and I finally get out of her that she had an on and off thing with him, and she realized she still had feelings when she saw him (I believe this, because I've known him for years and trust him, so I flat out called him to talk, and he told me the same about the on/off thing).

I've been ****ing gutted. Just dead inside. What's crazy is this joker has been in a live in relationship with another woman for 10 years, and from what I know, he's always scamming side chicks. He's not going anywhere on his long term woman, especially for a woman with a bunch of kids. So she basically ditched me for a non-existent chance with this guy.

I told her good luck, asked her to cancel my slot on the trip (there went that deposit), deleted all my pictures of her, and stopped contact, but god damn... I caught one-itis bad with her, and I keep trying to rationalize it away (e.g., "she didn't technically cheat", despite the fact that she lied to my face). And I'm cycling through all the emotions (denial, anger, etc) like a goddamned psycho. It won't be an issue for me to not reach out to her, but I'm afraid of caving if she reaches out to me. I keep trying to remember this dude is probably plowing her even as I'm writing this to reinforce myself.

You are really 38, dude?

My friend, your story hurts just by reading. You done the right thing, now keep yourself strong, don't stop lifting, and do yourself a favor and keep showing up around here.

We got your back, brah.

[TunaTunaTuna]

You are really 38, dude?

My friend, your story hurts just by reading. You done the right thing, no keep yourself strong, don't stop lifting, and do yourself a favor and keep showing up around here.

We got your back, brah.

Thanks man.

Yup. 38. Been divorced twice. Won't ever get married again. But by the time you get to that age around here, the dating scene is pretty much single mothers, land whales, or psychos.

I've known her for a year or so. I keep telling myself how lucky I was that this happened right away, and not after I've spent months with her. Or that I was actually there to see what happened, so I wasn't able to be lied to about it.

[jotenko]

Thanks man.

Yup. 38. Been divorced twice. Won't ever get married again. But by the time you get to that age around here, the dating scene is pretty much single mothers, land whales, or psychos.

I've known her for a year or so. I keep telling myself how lucky I was that this happened right away, and not after I've spent months with her. Or that I was actually there to see what happened, so I wasn't able to be lied to about it.

Dude, just keep showing around here. It really helps.

But be prepared to being called a ridiculous ****g0t if you act like one.

[TunaTunaTuna]

Dude, just keep showing around here. It really helps.

But be prepared to being called a ridiculous ****g0t if you act like one.

Fair enough

[MyrinGainus]

I just became content and essentially bored. There was no change in our lives. Doing it caused me to expand a bit, move out, and really focus on my career-- which I'm thankful for, but after a few months of thinking and really spending time in my thoughts, I realize I'm at a point where the negatives of ending things got me to a better place, but i would also like her back in my life, as I really think it could be a more mature and beneficial relationship being that we will have established ourselves as individuals first, rather than relying on one another, if that makes sense.

Interesting. I feel like we are in a similar situation, but in my case it was her who seemed to became content and bored.

I feel like I have been dealing with this stuff quite well, but it still feels weird.
Spending essentially every moment with someone for almost 3 years and then breaking contact one day to another is just rough.
I don't even want to get back together, I don't even want to be with her. But still, its very hard to get rid of the habit of having someone on your mind, you used to be so important you.
I had time to think and I now feel like I had put up with a lot of **** that I wouldn't put up right now. When you are with someone, you both grow closer, your share your secrets and your troubles. You try to help each other you listen to her problems, and you there for her even on the bad days, yout tolarate her during stressful exam periods or try to support each other during unfortunate family events etc. You are there and try to be your best self to grow together and be happy.

And than it just vanishes into nothing.

All you have worked for, all the time you spend together feels like it was for nothing. Sure I remember the good times, but if I concentrate on that, I sure as hell won't get over this.

I have been focusing on my work and studies in the last weeks. I have been feeling well, but this whole thing has still been on my mind during this time. I know it takes tune to rewire my brain after all this , and I will continue to focus on myself and I know it will go away. I will make it go away!

Gonna meet up with my old classmates for a few beers tomorrow. Can't wait. Unfortunately we can only meet few times a year but it's always great to see them.

Stay strong bothers. We all gonna make it!

[khatskevitch]

@TunaTunaTuna She had a choice to make when she saw him and she made the wrong choice - your co-worker instead of you.Now, even if she calls after having thought this through and says she wants to be with you, will you believe her?I mean at that very moment she became stiff and weird and what not.That is a huge red flag.As a guy who did not listen to his gut once and still regret it to this day,i think you did the right thing by ending this and not ensuring any further drama in your life.

GO NC and avoid further drama.

[StuartoBlue]

Funny you @Jotenko. Takes a wholeness to learn its all tough love for a good reason.

[StuartoBlue]

@TunaTunaTuna She had a choice to make when she saw him and she made the wrong choice - your co-worker instead of you.Now, even if she calls after having thought this through and says she wants to be with you, will you believe her?I mean at that very moment she became stiff and weird and what not.That is a huge red flag.As a guy who did not listen to his gut once and still regret it to this day,i think you did the right thing by ending this and not ensuring any further drama in your life.

GO NC and avoid further drama.

Agreed, but at the risk of some good old abuse I think maybe @Tunatunatuna you should have a conversation on the level if you think she is capable of it?