Should I move my toyboy in? (srs, pics)

[melDorado]

Too scared to post this in male misc, will get 1000 no glow LDAR replies.... So pls help me girlies

im 43 been happily single 5 years when a really hot 23 yo East European nurse from the nightshift began to pursue me. I decided to resist because it would be a dumb thing to do, but that only lasted about 3 days and before i know it I've decided to have a fun summer romance with him, life's too short etc. The sex was 10/10 dat dere chemistry...

That was in may and then we both caught feels. If he was 10 years older I would marry him tmrw, I never expected this to happen because im not the type that easily gets feels. Think what the hell have I got myself into now...


He says all the same as me, but i don't get it and idk what he sees in me, I'm an old woman. Obviously we can't ever live happily ever after because he needs to get married and have a family and I can't do that. But I'd just kinda like to spend the next 5 years with him and idk if that's stupid or not. I'm old and bitter enough to know not much lasts forever anyway...

I'm worried that he's using me for something, but idk what. I don't mind if he's using me for sex because that's what I started out doing with him. But if it's anything else I'm not cool with that. He knows I don't have money because I'm on minimum wage, although I do have a nicer house than him and a car. I don't pay for anything. I even ask him for gas money because I'm paranoid of being used. He does act like he loves me, we spend all our time together but I'm still always wondering what really gives?

He keeps nagging to move in with me. I would like it (we did live together for 6 weeks temporary when he was between apartments and it was nice) and I could definitely do with sharing the bills at last. But I feel like is it too soon and what if he's using me?

Idk if I should break it off altogether or just say yeh- move in with me. Or just stay how we are. I do love him, we make each other happy, and we have a deep connection and share interests. But I get embarrassed about the age gap really bad. Also out of the 3 serious relationship I've had, 2 were pretty dysfunctional and it's made me wary as hell to be with someone. So maybe that's why im so confused.

What should I do? I really dk

https://m.flickr.com/#/photos/98478152@N06/29637728941/
https://m.flickr.com/#/photos/98478152@N06/29813376306/

https://m.flickr.com/#/photos/98478152@N06/29813530096/

[LunaLifts]

Is there a reason to suspect that he's using you? Or is it that you don't understand why he's into you, and so you question his motives because he's young?

I'd say that out of the issues you're seeing here, the important one would be making sure you're 100% on the same page. An age gap is one thing, but being at different positions in life (like him maybe wanting to get married, have a family, etc) is the more important thing to figure out.

Hopefully this part doesn't sound negative, or pessimistic, it's really not, but feelings are chemicals. Sometimes they change, goals change, people change, etc. However, feelings like love are exciting, and fun, and give us important connections with others. Yes, it's true, he may decide he wants the family life someday, and things may not work out. The opposite is also true, but it's not just an age gap thing. It's a relationship thing. Who knows, you could be the one to have your feelings change. It's how all relationships work, you have a connection, you make each other happy, and you take the chance that things may change, and not work out. That doesn't mean it's not worth a shot. As long as it's a healthy relationship, and you enjoy it regardless of it's length, it wasn't a waste of time.

[FallenAngel80]

^ ^ This

And also, you say if he were 10 years older you'd marry him tomorrow. But who's to say that an older guy wouldn't use you?

Maybe at the moment you're looking too far into the future and the 'what ifs'. Enjoy the relationship

If it doesn't work out then you can tackle that IF it happens. But, what if it DOES work?

[gixxer0.6g]

Looks seriously douchy. Wouldn't trust with a grocery run. I think he's pulling a Gallagher

[TrampasaursFlex]

You gave only a couple of reasons to move in together (he's pushing for it, you stayed together before and it was nice) but a lot of reasons for not doing it. Is this something you would be seriously considering at this point if he wasn't pushing for it?

And does it really have to be move in together or break up? Why can't you continue seeing each other like you have been for a little while longer?

Ultimately, you're just going to have to go with your gut on this one. What feels right to you?

[Konrai]

It's not impossible for this guys intentions to be pure, but I highly highly doubt that the relationship will last. He's extremely young and it might only be a matter of time before he thinks 'geez I am actually settling down with a woman this old? does this even make sense?'. Totally your call but I think personally you're wasting your time.

Besides in all honesty the only real reason you seem remotely interested in considering this idea is because you appear to be lonely.

[spradish]

If he was between apartments for 6 weeks this summer, it seems like he'd have a newish apartment/lease. The fact that he wants to dump those already to move in with you makes me wonder a bit about his motivation. I'd say keep seeing him if he makes you happy but no moving in.

[melDorado]

Thanks for all your replies guys, I'm gonna just wait a while at least, ive struggled with the bills living alone long enough, I can do it for a bit longer...appreciate your input, I have bipolar and so I don't trust myself much to make decisions

[okayest]

I read that entire thing thinking it said "happily married for 5 years" and was horrified at what you were trying to ask... need more coffee.

He looks like a leech and some part of you knows that something isn't right about his intentions. You also feel like it's too soon and not meant to last. Don't ignore how you feel because someone is pushing you to. That is a massive warning sign. Did you ever see someone who could help with your dysfunctional relationship issue?

[Konrai]

I read that entire thing thinking it said "happily married for 5 years" and was horrified at what you were trying to ask... need more coffee.

He looks like a leech and some part of you knows that something isn't right about his intentions. You also feel like it's too soon and not meant to last. Don't ignore how you feel because someone is pushing you to. That is a massive warning sign. Did you ever see someone who could help with your dysfunctional relationship issue?

I don't know about a leech, since based on the story he seems to actually be in a financially better position than she is. It just appears more to me like he is the typical young guy pursuing the 'hot milf', then later on doesn't really realize what he has gotten himself into. I don't exactly think his intentions are negative as of now but I find it hard to believe that the way he feels currently will last.

[t_raven]

I can't even imagine being with a woman 20 years older than me. It's typical for guys to be older yet how weird is it when a girl gets with a guy 20 years older? How much weirder for it to be the other way around?

I honestly would have to think there's something wrong with a guy that lives with a girl that much older.

As for you though, I wouldn't be embarrassed about it. You're getting some from a younger dude, good for you lol. I don't see any reason to end it until you have a definite reason, but moving in together would probably just complicate things.

Only you two know what you want and how serious it is. I wouldn't rush into moving in together. Let's be real tea, it probably won't end well. If things are more serious later on, you guys can figure out the next step.

If he wants kids and a relationship, and you just see spending a few years with the guy, I feel like he'd be wasting his time. It's his time though, but if you don't want the same things, then it makes it even weirder if he wants to continue things exclusively rather than look for someone his age that wants the same things.

[okayest]

I don't know about a leech, since based on the story he seems to actually be in a financially better position than she is. It just appears more to me like he is the typical young guy pursuing the 'hot milf', then later on doesn't really realize what he has gotten himself into. I don't exactly think his intentions are negative as of now but I find it hard to believe that the way he feels currently will last.

I meant literally based on his expression he looks completely disinterested. She mentioned her place was nicer and that she has a car that he uses. If he wanted to upgrade for half or so of what he's paying now, not have to travel for sex and have access to a car... I'm just saying OP should listen to her gut if she's even considering these are things that might be motivating him. If she gives it more time like she wants and things stay good maybe she can understand him and their dynamic better.

[LadyLore420]

It's typical for guys to be older yet how weird is it when a girl gets with a guy 20 years older? How much weirder for it to be the other way around?

I honestly would have to think there's something wrong with a guy that lives with a girl that much older.

That is a very unfair standard. I understand that is how society expects you to believe, but in the end age is but a number.

What matters, I think, is that there is a responsible independent woman and some pothead(judging by pics) is trying to mooch off her. That's fine, sex better be gooood though. I mean, wake your neighbors up good.

[KyleAaron]

"I am happy, and am thinking of doing something that would make me happier still, what should I do?"

[Konrai]

I meant literally based on his expression he looks completely disinterested. She mentioned her place was nicer and that she has a car that he uses. If he wanted to upgrade for half or so of what he's paying now, not have to travel for sex and have access to a car... I'm just saying OP should listen to her gut if she's even considering these are things that might be motivating him. If she gives it more time like she wants and things stay good maybe she can understand him and their dynamic better.

I get what you're saying, I am just more looking at it from the stand point of how your average male tends to operate, and quite frankly( I agree with you)I just don't believe the way he feels is going to last, I am not saying they can't live happily ever after, but the chances of that happening are extremely slim. If she feels the need to continue seeing him that's up to her, but I just feel like moving him in is a recipe for disaster.

It's one thing to be happy and enjoy the company of someone, but the reality remains that there will be a price to pay aka consequences, and I personally feel like the problems will show up in the long term. Again this is just purely my opinion.

[BrotherWolf]

we need updates Mel

[iloveus]

A younger guy going for an older woman? Does he have mom issues or something? Sigmund Freud would have a field day with this. Ok OP how was your childhood like? Especially with your parents.

[melDorado]

we need updates Mel

Whoa ten months since i made this post

Just to say he moved in February and were deliriously happy
Thanks for helping

[makadelic]

My advice would be to take your time moving in together. Usually that nagging feeling is there for a reason and people trying to rush into things are hard to trust. I literally just had a situation with a guy that was trying to move things really fast and I was FOR SURE feeling it. But I just had this feeling that I should slow him down. There were times I wanted to be more vulnerable with him and share things but this thought in the back of my mind kept telling me to wait a little longer. After a couple months of this I finally was like "Yo I can trust this guy. I'm opening up." Fortunately before I could, I discovered that he had a girlfriend 4 hours away through the most coincidental circumstances.

Trust your instinct. Emotions and really good sex can be blinding but usually your mind is giving you those signals for a reason. And if he ends up being a good guy, I'm sure he'll respect that he really had to earn your trust.

[makadelic]

Oh **** nevermind! Didn't realize this was just bumped.

[flatcheeks]

It will be difficult but you should end it right now if you have so many doubts about the relationship. Trust your gut. These types of feelings will go away, and they will come back again with someone else, trust me.

In the meantime stay strong. Keep busy.

[anandagirl]

Whoa ten months since i made this post

Just to say he moved in February and were deliriously happy
Thanks for helping

That's awesome!