Staying in the game.

[FairSquare]

I made a big move at the beginning of the summer, from small SoCal town to the big, bright city of Los Angeles. Somewhat impulsive, somewhat planned, downright stressful, and exciting. LA is a good stepping stone, for now. I love this city, but I do not see myself living here forever. I plan on getting some experience as a private tutor and learning computer science in my free time (adding to my worth as a tutor). I'm substitute teaching for regular-ish paychecks. Teaching sucks; that's why I want to try private tutoring.

I have always struggled with motivation, and now that I am self-employed, I realize that this has to be my main focus until it becomes a habit and I no longer have to fret over it. I thought it was hard when I was in school, when someone else made the structures for me. Now I have to do the work and structure everything for myself. It is more difficult, but it has far greater rewards because I get exactly what I want out of the work I put in. I like being in charge of the direction I head in.

I have loosened up in my transition, and for other reasons I was somewhat depressed during the summer. I am getting better now and realize that I have slacked with everything. The gym, my self-study, and aggressive pursuit of jobs and clients; they have all fallen back quite a bit.

I also had been allowing unhealthy habits to proliferate, but over the past week I seem to have snapped out of it and started reinforcing healthy routines. Go to bed earlier, get up immediately (without pushing snooze 8 times), eat right and regularly, minimal alcohol and drugs, no porn (less fap), get to the gym 3 days a week.

I'm going to need a place to post some ideas and keep track of myself, so I'm posting this thread here. I'd like to keep a positive track of where I am, what I want to try, what works and does not work. I'd like to keep it honest, so I do not expect every single post to be all glory and sunshine.

That's all for today!

[FairSquare]

Improving, slowly, steadily. I have been somewhat touch and go, lately. But overall I am improving.

I have to remind myself to stop and smell the flowers. Being raised by a narcissist has me chasing achievements and seeking praise in order to get a sense of self-worth. A person can only do so much. I hung out with some neighbors this weekend and partied it up on Saturday night. Even though I felt bad about drinking too much alcohol (it wasn't that much compared to my old days, maybe 4 or 5 shots total), I felt better about the human interaction. I love to cave myself up in my room for days on end without seeing the sun, but I am realizing that my relationships with other people are more valuable than anything I could ever hope to win on this rock before I go. Another symptom of narcissistic parenting: I have no clue what my needs are and how to fulfill them. But I suppose I am learning: I have emotional and social needs, and I need to fill them by speaking up.

My biggest accomplishment since starting this thread might be that my neurosis over not sticking to my goals with steadfast perfection is almost nonexistent. I am allowing myself to slowly improve, to let the nonconsequential errors slide, and to see what is really important and act appropriately when social opportunities are presented.

My introversion has clearly been fostered during my ~5 year isolation after college and a bad breakup. I could probably fake autism. It is nice to find myself in situations where I am behaving in a completely opposite fashion. Talking, laughing, listening, in a group, or with an individual, making friends, having something to offer, this feels like something familiar that I have been missing for a very long time...

[FairSquare]

I have fallen out of love with lifting. I feel kind of silly doing it... But I am having the best gains since I started two years ago. I dream bulked over the course of two years from 179 to 235. I am about 189 now, and nearly name bf% as when I started (no measurements, very lean/6 pack). So I probably gained about 7-10 lbs of muscle in ~2 years. I waded through a ton of rookie mistakes and I will always have to deal with a head harder than tungsten. I am really happy with my results now and I love what the mirror shows me, but I am struggling with the concept of the gym... I feel like a rat in a race... I will try practicing more mindfulness.

[FairSquare]

I want to say thank you to anyone reading this... Over 500 views on this, that's kind of crazy to think about. I hope this helps someone.

Last week I made it to the gym on all three days I planned to. But after some heavy insomnia last night, I may have to push my first day this week back to tomorrow. I could always get over my fear of unplanned discomfort before the afternoon comes and make it; we will just have to wait and see...

Overall, October 2016 is turning out to be quite swell. I have been picking up the pace in an old college text book (freshman chemistry) in order to get my brain up to speed for tutoring. I am probably ready to cover any subject in middle school, just from the practice I have gotten in answering every question in the first 4 chapters of general chemistry (freshmen chemistry is equivalent to or slightly more advanced than high school AP chemistry). I am remembering how much fun it can be to solve some of the problems and how much I love the way the brain tics along when difficult problems are solved or mistakes are corrected.

I was surprised by a message on my tutoring profile for someone looking for guitar lessons. I was a little late to notice it, so they probably found someone else. But I took note of how excited I got at the prospect of getting paid to show someone how to do something that I am very good at because I do it for fun every day.

Lists are a fun distraction from the responsibilities they claim to organize, but sometimes I find it easier to do all the things I know need to be done. When I am done, I look around and find the next thing I see that needs to be done. If I write a list, then I am confined to that list. It is hard enough to do the things on the list, if I see something else that probably needs to be done, but is not on the list, I am likely to not even pay attention to it.

Here goes another one!

[DoctorXX]

When you feel unmotivated going to the gym is probably the best time to go..

[FairSquare]

Today, on a day off from work, I decided to get a workout without going to the gym. I stretched and warmed up at home, then went for a walk to find a park nearby. To start the workout, I surprised myself and did 3 single leg squats on each leg. That was enough, so for the rest of my workout I did as many body weight squats, pushups, and pullups as I could, in three circuit sets. By the end of the workout I was more tired than I have felt in a very long time. I was pumped, drained, and I felt like I was in touch with something I had been missing. There may be no hope for the gym, after this experience. I also tried to do some one armed pushups; I think I managed one on each arm. There are ways to lift heavy weight without using any more than my body. I am liberating myself from crowded, sweaty gyms, waiting in line for squat racks or bench presses, taking way too much time between sets, and not being very 'fit' in an athletic sense.

[Iowamade]

Maybe you should invest in home gym equipment, a simple bench/squat rack would allow you to do many different exercises. You'll have to invest $500+ for everything, but that beats a crappy workout at a crowded gym. Anyways, I hope you find the motivation to do what makes you happy. Good luck.

[FairSquare]

Last night I drove the annoying drive in 4:30PM LA traffic to the closest LA fitness that I frequented, and I closed that membership for good. I felt free and light afterwards, and this morning I practiced a little yoga and made it to the park for some calisthenics. I feel amazing. I started lifting weights for the mental benefits; I like the way it makes me feel. I realized that I can accomplish that without lifting a single weight. Body-weight squats, pushups, and pullups can all be made into heavy resistance training by doing them with one limb at a time.

I am not sure where I will be in the next year or two, and I expect to relocate several times in the future. So for now, I might invest in some kettlebells or something that can easily be moved or gotten rid of without too much of a loss. I might miss barbell squats, or maybe I won't...

My goal is to keep cutting (have lost a ton of weight, 30-40 lbs, since April) and improve in yoga and body-weight movements. Eventually I would like to do handstand pushups. I am going to improve my overall athleticism and conditioning and become more limber overall. I am not closed to the possibility of running a traditional barbell routine in the future, when it is convenient to do so, but for now I am going to maximize my gains with minimal equipment. As for vanity, it is all about the six-packs now, anyway! But seriously, I actually feel better when I am lighter on my feet, fit into narrow spaces easier, and can move quickly without being winded.

[meanvic1]

Work your way up to doing handstand push ups with easier variations like the "pike push-up".

I made the best gains of my life with progressive bodyweight training. It's more challenging and more rewarding.

Keep at it.

[scooter925]

Although many on here might disagree, you are on the right track. When you lose the love for lifting, its time to find other ways to stay fit that you actually enjoy. No one is saying you can't return to the gym. I went from hardcore iron pumper to now just yoga, cycling, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, etc...

It had a lot to do with getting older, I did so much damage to my joints lifting super heavy.

[FairSquare]

so far so good... I built the neural work for pistol squats many years ago, and it turns out I was able to do a few on each leg my first try last week. I'm sure practicing barbell squats for almost years, as well as plenty of yoga poses to help with the squats, had me ready to jump into these. Today I actually managed about 6 or 7 each leg, followed by 2 more sets hitting 5 then 4 each leg. One armed pushups are a biatch, but I am not letting my legs go super wide to take too much weight off them. I am also making fine gains doing normal, marine style pushups, practicing same elbow-tuck/scapular-retraction as in bench-pressing. I can do 20 or so pushups in my first set... I think I could do that many when I started lifting weights 2 years ago... Interesting. And pullups have been going on for a while but stalling, so maybe I can finally get over that 10-12 rep max. I also tried one armed pullups, with my other hand grabbing my wrist to help, and it was a no go.

I may try this for a while, 3 days a week, with some light cardio/yoga in between, and plenty of walking as often as I can get out for it.

This is just going to help me get into the routine of going out, I hope to gain a little endurance for a month or so and let my program evolve while exploring random new locations and training my body to be adaptable to changing environments. I intend for this to be a calming point, so it won't be crazy intensity kill-mode beast-warrior sprinting everywhere and screaming while I do pushups in front of families enjoying their evening in the park... Just a little something interesting to un-wire my brain from work/self-study a few days a week, maybe something really fun once in a while like warrior dash...