Old and little creaky, my accountability log, the journey continues

[SunshinyDaiz]

I have been back and forth with whether or not to go on an extended diet break. The inner fight is real. I do think you ladies are correct. I lost 25 pounds in three months which is a little severe so maybe a month or two diet break would be good.

I totally get what you are going through. Last year, I lost 30# in about 3 months. It's taken me an entire year to get my brain back into losing fat mode again. I'd start and stop, knowing I wasn't ready. Just listen to your head and body. You'll know when you are ready to go again. I don't think forcing it is good for long term. I'm sure your break won't be as extended as mine was. I had a lot of crap going on in the past year that was not conducive to fat loss.

[phoenix4444]

I'd try a 2 week diet break and see how you feel. Sometimes, you need to mentally (and physically) recharge. Food pics looking good!

That a good idea to start with two weeks. I can reevaluate after that. Might go to the end of the month we will see.

My man thinks I am a weirdo for taking food pics. What does he know

I totally get what you are going through. Last year, I lost 30# in about 3 months. It's taken me an entire year to get my brain back into losing fat mode again. I'd start and stop, knowing I wasn't ready. Just listen to your head and body. You'll know when you are ready to go again. I don't think forcing it is good for long term. I'm sure your break won't be as extended as mine was.

It is a hard road that fast weight loss.

I had a lot of crap going on in the past year that was not conducive to fat loss.

I feel you here. I languished at 165 for about a year and a half and just could not find the will to try much due to life sh!!t.

[phoenix4444]

Sirloin pork chop with coconut rice. Tonight also had a pint of butter pecan ice cream so calories were more than accounted for.



Last week was a hit or miss with getting on an eating schedule. Even though on a break I still need to set a stable pattern. I think it is important to my adherence. Anyway I am counting and will not be weighing myself due to any mind fukery that it will cause. Just trying to be chill but having a bit of a time doing so. Had only one lifting session last week, work was a pain in the arse for three days straight, and just found out my sister is going in for a cat scan because of slurred speech. And tonight my man tells me his work hours are being cut in half down to 17 hours next week.

The plan is to lift tomorrow and an eating window after work instead of first thing. I have more energy fasted. And if I am eating more than I should not get the limb weariness I get when in a deficit. That is the thinking anyway.

[shesprints]

I think habits are the best predictor of long-term success. Also, planning can help get rid of a lot of free-floating anxiety around what and when to eat, etc. I think that like others have said, a 2-week diet break (planned) could be a good idea. I guess if you still feel really bad at the end of that, think about some other approach?

[phoenix4444]

^^
Agree. I do find I my adherence is way better with a schedule and gets rid of that meal anxiety.

I feel good about keeping this 12 am to 4 am eating schedule, at least for maintenance purposes. Spreading calories over a four hour period is going to allow me to get in full calories without too much discomfort. Plus the late night meal for some calories when lifting early the next day.

[phoenix4444]

Deadlift
65 1x5
95 1x5
115 1x5
145 1x5
165 1x3
185 1x1
205 1x1
225 1x1
245 fail

225 felt real good with form and body wise. Felt pretty confident hitting 245 but only got it to mid shin. Probably could have gotten it up but did not want to sacrifice form to do it. Not worth the risk. I wasn't really into lifting. I really had roll myself down the stairs. Just did not feel like doing anything else but deads. At least its something.

[shesprints]

BRO! 225 deadlift is not too shabby since you haven't done the lift since forever and your PR is 240. I think you can say now, happily, that this cut hasn't hurt your strength too much

[phoenix4444]

Went up pretty easy as well. Yeah it felt pretty good knowing that I have not lost much. My PR is actually 245. I just noticed I have it wrong in my sig. Now corrected.

[viccles007]

That's some nice deadlifting Phoenix!

[phoenix4444]

Ty vic

_______

Not feeling that swell at the moment. Will try and pull myself together and do better. Hope all is well with everyone.

[LunaLifts]

Agreed on having a schedule. Chit, having a set time frame for my workouts is the only reason I haven't fallen off the wagon for any long period (like sick periods, or off routine in general (like traveling)). It's easier to make myself do it when it's just what I do that morning.

Nice deads! I feel you on just picking one big lift to do a lot of on bad days. I've done the same, sometimes it's all you can manage, but it's something.

[shesprints]

Ayyyyy my deadlift PR is 245 too. I tried 250 and I think I psyched myself out, because it wouldn't come up off the floor. Blah.

I hope you're doing OK, Phoenix, it's been a minute.

[phoenix4444]

Agreed on having a schedule. Chit, having a set time frame for my workouts is the only reason I haven't fallen off the wagon for any long period (like sick periods, or off routine in general (like traveling)). It's easier to make myself do it when it's just what I do that morning.

Nice deads! I feel you on just picking one big lift to do a lot of on bad days. I've done the same, sometimes it's all you can manage, but it's something.

Been having trouble keeping any kind of schedule lately due to mental issues. Hopefully that will be turning around now.

Yep something is better than nothing. The last two weeks or so has been such an energy drain that just going to work is all I could manage.

Ayyyyy my deadlift PR is 245 too. I tried 250 and I think I psyched myself out, because it wouldn't come up off the floor. Blah.

I hope you're doing OK, Phoenix, it's been a minute.

Shoot woman I do believe that 250 is well within your abilities. That mental game is a mind fuk. Plus you don't want this old woman to tie you with that 245 pr

I was in a downer phase. The energy drain and low mood did me in for a bit. I think I have turned the corner though, crosses finger.

[phoenix4444]

Light warm-up of a two set rotation with band pullaparts, cuban rotation, and plate raises

BB Row with monkey bar
25 1x10
45 1x10
65 1x10
85 1x10
105 1x10
125 2x5

125 was too much, could not pull with any aggression so will go back down to either 105 or 110

Accessories
Lat pulldown, neutral grip 90 2x10
Tricep overhead extension 25 2x16
Reverse Fly 10 2x16

Accessories done in a superset




Just a simple back work out today to get back in the swing of things. I have not felt that well as of late so there was no other physical activity other than my job. The energy drain was very real. I was fueling myself with Monsters and coffee which barely mad a dent on my ability to function in a productive way. I was not sleeping either, I am sure the extra stimulus of the energy drinks were not helping at all. I have been better the last couple of days. Yesterday I only had two coffees and buzzed through my jobs with energy that i have not had in a bit. I was fasted also. Well not totally fasted, I had around 50 calories of milk in my coffee.

Have not been restricting calories with no schedule what so ever. I have been hovering around maintenance with a couple of heavier food days in the mix. Probably gained a pound or two. I have not weighed myself and don't have any intention of doing so until I can stabilize a eating pattern again. I am not counting right now either. Just working on fasting schedule is enough right now. Last night ate after about 20 hours, had half a pizza and a large yogurt bowl. Guessing calories around 1400-1600.

Also not taking any supplements now and digestion has been better. I will be adding the important ones back in shortly like D3

Here is to better days ahead. I don't like to engage much when I am feeling low so my forum appearances have been less. Trying to do better.

[LunaLifts]

I'm sorry. Can I be honest in saying I was worried about this? Your weight loss was on point for awhile, and things were good, but then it got harder again, and your mood goes down, and then we start seeing less of you, usually resulting in a break for a few months. I don't know if there's a discernible spot in the cycle where you can see it hit a road block, but it does seem like there's a pattern. At least from what you post here.

I'm not trying to bust your balls about posting here/implying you need too, just what I noticed. If you need to be online less for any reason I get that. I'm the same way at times. Focus on you first, always.

[shesprints]

I'm sorry you've been feeling down, Phoenix. I know you'd been doing so well with your weight-loss goal and I wonder if feeling low has to do with losing a goal that you were pursuing. I think human beings are happiest when we are trying to attain something we want, that we're pretty passionate about. It doesn't have to be weight loss, but maybe that's something to think about?

Excellent lifting, anyway. I'm impressed by your lat pulldowns. Chit, I can't do 90 x 10. (I should be able to, but currently can't seem to... maybe will try next time). I also know what you mean about not having force on a pull, it's funny how rows are like that--one weight will be fine and then it just doesn't work.

[gobbles23]

Dieting is terrible for any kind of mood issues. It lowers the seratonin in your brain and if that's low to begin with, it'll make things a billion times worse. Itll drain you more, make you more sluggish and unmotivated, and kill your calorie burn.

You need to take frequent diet breaks and have higher calorie days more often to keep your hormones in check if you're feeling like that. It's a big issue of mine actually. Dieting makes me feel so down in the dumps I cant do it for longer than 10 days without a high cal day or two. Pay attention to the pattern and work with it.

And if you've been dieting and losing for 3 months, you're definitely due for a diet break. You'll gain initially but if you stay at maintenance itll fall off after a few weeks

[anandagirl]

Sending love, I've been absent too but I hope you're okay

[phoenix4444]

Still alive albeit somewhat worse for wear. Been kind of a turbulent time but the tearful sadness has withered away. Hope to get back on track with both lifting and cutting/fasting tomorrow.

Much love gals and guys.

[Partyrocking]

*Hugs*

[phoenix4444]

I'm sorry. Can I be honest in saying I was worried about this? Your weight loss was on point for awhile, and things were good, but then it got harder again, and your mood goes down, and then we start seeing less of you, usually resulting in a break for a few months. I don't know if there's a discernible spot in the cycle where you can see it hit a road block, but it does seem like there's a pattern. At least from what you post here.

I'm not trying to bust your balls about posting here/implying you need too, just what I noticed. If you need to be online less for any reason I get that. I'm the same way at times. Focus on you first, always.

Those summer months I felt better than I have in over a year. And yes there is a pattern. Hard to post or do much of anything when my mood goes down, nothing to say or contribute. I have been in such way since I lost the restaurant. Depression, apathy, and heightened anxiety has been more the norm. I have had periods in my life like this, in fact much worse and always have come out the other side. I am just so tired of feeling this way and I just get weary.

I'm sorry you've been feeling down, Phoenix. I know you'd been doing so well with your weight-loss goal and I wonder if feeling low has to do with losing a goal that you were pursuing. I think human beings are happiest when we are trying to attain something we want, that we're pretty passionate about. It doesn't have to be weight loss, but maybe that's something to think about?

You are right, it does not have to be about weight loss. Hell just find my passion for something positive. I want to lift and feel strong and fierce again. I have been watching my old lifting vids from 2016 and how much stronger and confident I looked. Made me a bit sad. I looked alot younger as well.

Dieting is terrible for any kind of mood issues. It lowers the seratonin in your brain and if that's low to begin with, it'll make things a billion times worse. Itll drain you more, make you more sluggish and unmotivated, and kill your calorie burn.

You need to take frequent diet breaks and have higher calorie days more often to keep your hormones in check if you're feeling like that. It's a big issue of mine actually. Dieting makes me feel so down in the dumps I cant do it for longer than 10 days without a high cal day or two. Pay attention to the pattern and work with it.

And if you've been dieting and losing for 3 months, you're definitely due for a diet break. You'll gain initially but if you stay at maintenance itll fall off after a few weeks

I felt pretty great during that losing period so I ran with it. The fasting high and fast loss got the better of me in the end. In hindsight should have taken a few mini breaks in there. My hormones are in a crazy state since I am older and I need to be wary of the trouble that causes. I am ready to go again, or least i think I am. And i did gain a pound or two but I am not really too concerned about it.

Sending love, I've been absent too but I hope you're okay

Love back and working on that ok part.

*Hugs*

Back at yah woman

[phoenix4444]

Today was an OMAD day, well mostly. I have developed my Monster addiction again so there was a Monster Zero around 9 pm. Technically it breaks a fast even though zero calories. I need them for the super powers it grants. I have noticed a nasty side effect of increased hunger. Makes it a little more difficult for my deficit so we will see if I can hang. If not I will have to hit up the coffee instead for a lesser felling.

I did not weigh the meal but I estimate that it was around 1400 calories.

-coffee with milk
-four eggs soft scrambled in about two tbs of lard and put on two everything bagels with cheddar and sirracha
-about two cups of whole milk

My diet and fasting schedule has been hit or miss over the last few weeks. I need to get back on sort of eating schedule again. An early OMAD meal worked the best for me so going with that protocol for Monday through Friday. I have not set a hardcore time frame but the meal will be somewhere between 3pm and 7pm so actual fasting time will vary. The week-ends will be more flexible Saturday being an indulgent day if I chose. Sunday will do a fast day if I am able, if not will have a meal late when I get home from work.

I have figured out what is causing most of my digestion issues. I Was on a steady diet of peanut butter toast, ground beef, rice, and milk and innards felt fine. Then I tried to eat oats, a meal that I haven't had since probably April. Well did not get even 1/2 way through when I started to feel king queasy. And then all the bad symptoms reared their ugly heads. Same when I had a Lenny and Larry's cookie a couple of days later. Both high in fiber. Where previous to this all was well. Must be the fiber that is causing issues. The only thing the two meals had in common. So diet right now low in fiber. Really do not want to go over 10 grams. Today was 8 grams from the bagels and did not have any real issues. Keeping foods some what limited, beef, eggs, fatty fish, peanut butter, rice, fat, dairy, canned tomatoes, onions, sweet peppers, and mushrooms being the base. Some bread, pasta, crackers, a bagel and frozen blueberries thrown is as well but trying to limit those foods right now. For supps just d3 and probably will get a multi. Also thinking of switching to cod liver oil instead of fish oil. Right now though three servings of fatty fish a week is going to be my omega 3 supp.

And last but not least lifting. I do not like the way my body is deteriorating. I have held on to some strength. but that will decrease if I keep going down this lazy path. And I will not, cannot let my body go to hell anymore. I need to go back to that 2105/2016 person who lifted with aggression. Stop being lazy, stop feeling sorry for myself, and make phoenix 2.0, better, faster, stronger. I will get some work in tomorrow even though I have to leave early for work. Maybe just one exercise but a routine must be established. I need to do this daily. At least one lift a day, every day.

Long ass winded post, I need to stop now

[LunaLifts]

Those summer months I felt better than I have in over a year. And yes there is a pattern. Hard to post or do much of anything when my mood goes down, nothing to say or contribute. I have been in such way since I lost the restaurant. Depression, apathy, and heightened anxiety has been more the norm. I have had periods in my life like this, in fact much worse and always have come out the other side. I am just so tired of feeling this way and I just get weary.

I know how that feels, I get that way too at times. In those times you can feel pretty drained, and even just dropping stuff like social media for a bit can conserve your energy for taking care of yourself first.

You'll always come out the other side, these cycles happen, but they do always pass. It's just so hard to be in them, because it can feel like it won't. Just keep pushing on. When I was in my "funk" recently I just kept going through the motions, because I knew it'd pass, and that I didn't want to have to do so much damage control when it did, you know? Just knowing you'll be ok again can help.

I don't remember your therapy availability situation, but I've been watching this really pleasant therapist chick on youtube, who has a lot of good videos. It's not a substitute, but it's helped me think of better outlets/coping skills, gotten me a bit better at journaling/mood journaling to recognize feelings, and patterns, and just interesting MH/therapy topics that gave me something to do when everything else sounded chitty. If you're interested: link

It may or may not be any help to you, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to share. I've basically been trying to self-help, since it's all I have right now. Starting a morning routine has been helpful too. It's not treatment, but at least I feel better trying.

Today was an OMAD day, well mostly. I have developed my Monster addiction again so there was a Monster Zero around 9 pm. Technically it breaks a fast even though zero calories. I need them for the super powers it grants. I have noticed a nasty side effect of increased hunger. Makes it a little more difficult for my deficit so we will see if I can hang. If not I will have to hit up the coffee instead for a lesser felling.

Monster addiction isn't real. (I say in denial.) Both coffee and Monsters work like appetite suppressants for me, coffee more so.

My diet and fasting schedule has been hit or miss over the last few weeks. I need to get back on sort of eating schedule again. An early OMAD meal worked the best for me so going with that protocol for Monday through Friday. I have not set a hardcore time frame but the meal will be somewhere between 3pm and 7pm so actual fasting time will vary. The week-ends will be more flexible Saturday being an indulgent day if I chose. Sunday will do a fast day if I am able, if not will have a meal late when I get home from work.

I think not having a hardcore schedule is a good start, just getting back into a routine is important, and you can always adjust things as you go.

Both high in fiber. Where previous to this all was well. Must be the fiber that is causing issues. The only thing the two meals had in common. So diet right now low in fiber. Really do not want to go over 10 grams. Today was 8 grams from the bagels and did not have any real issues. Keeping foods some what limited, beef, eggs, fatty fish, peanut butter, rice, fat, dairy, canned tomatoes, onions, sweet peppers, and mushrooms being the base. Some bread, pasta, crackers, a bagel and frozen blueberries thrown is as well but trying to limit those foods right now.

Have you ever had consistently higher fiber intake (not high, but like steadily around the recommended intake (24g I think))? My fiber went from 10-15g to 30+ when I started going plant based, and it wrecked my guts for a bit. Once my body got used to it, everything started running slowly again, and no more painful bloating. I know some people have medical issues with fiber regardless of how slow they increase, or how long they stay higher, dunno which is the case so I thought I'd ask.
Either way nailing any digestion issues should definitely help with your diet in general, and hopefully your mindset too. Feeling unwell doesn't help when trying to feel mentally well.

And last but not least lifting. I do not like the way my body is deteriorating. I have held on to some strength. but that will decrease if I keep going down this lazy path. And I will not, cannot let my body go to hell anymore. I need to go back to that 2105/2016 person who lifted with aggression. Stop being lazy, stop feeling sorry for myself, and make phoenix 2.0, better, faster, stronger. I will get some work in tomorrow even though I have to leave early for work. Maybe just one exercise but a routine must be established. I need to do this daily. At least one lift a day, every day.

You've got this!

[phoenix4444]

I know how that feels, I get that way too at times. In those times you can feel pretty drained, and even just dropping stuff like social media for a bit can conserve your energy for taking care of yourself first.

It makes me feel like a selfish loser when I cannot interact but you are right. I can drag my body to work but I just do not have anything left for being social, lifting, or self care. I game to shut off my brain or zone out flipping through YouTube.

You'll always come out the other side, these cycles happen, but they do always pass. It's just so hard to be in them, because it can feel like it won't. Just keep pushing on. When I was in my "funk" recently I just kept going through the motions, because I knew it'd pass, and that I didn't want to have to do so much damage control when it did, you know? Just knowing you'll be ok again can help.

You are one strong woman, I hope you know that

I don't remember your therapy availability situation, but I've been watching this really pleasant therapist chick on youtube, who has a lot of good videos. It's not a substitute, but it's helped me think of better outlets/coping skills, gotten me a bit better at journaling/mood journaling to recognize feelings, and patterns, and just interesting MH/therapy topics that gave me something to do when everything else sounded chitty. If you're interested: link

I have watched some of her vids, great minds think alike huh. I was in therapy years ago. I did not get much out of it because I was terrified of the whole experience. I di get a heavy duty anti depressant that I totally abused though. Used to drink with it and pass the hell out.

I used to keep written journals, did for many years. I do not know why I stopped. Maybe need to start up again. The brain just can be a jumbled mess and the actually process of writting tends to put a little order in some discorded thinking.

It may or may not be any help to you, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to share. I've basically been trying to self-help, since it's all I have right now. Starting a morning routine has been helpful too. It's not treatment, but at least I feel better trying.

I hear that. Just good to know that someone out there understands. Nice to read the comments too, you are never alone.

And a routine is order which I think definitely helps. Your ability to keep with it is pretty awesome.

Monster addiction isn't real. (I say in denial.) Both coffee and Monsters work like appetite suppressants for me, coffee more so.

Ha, its got you too. I seriously crave it and all the pleasure centers light up in my brain when I open that bad boy and take the first drink. The coffee high is a little more mellow.

Coffee tends to dampen appetite but I think the fake sugars in the Monster makes my brain think it is getting calories when it isnt, so hungry is the end result.

I think not having a hardcore schedule is a good start, just getting back into a routine is important, and you can always adjust things as you go.

If I go too hardcore right now and fail I will feel like crap. Baby steps, one day at a time

Have you ever had consistently higher fiber intake (not high, but like steadily around the recommended intake (24g I think))? My fiber went from 10-15g to 30+ when I started going plant based, and it wrecked my guts for a bit. Once my body got used to it, everything started running slowly again, and no more painful bloating. I know some people have medical issues with fiber regardless of how slow they increase, or how long they stay higher, dunno which is the case so I thought I'd ask.
Either way nailing any digestion issues should definitely help with your diet in general, and hopefully your mindset too. Feeling unwell doesn't help when trying to feel mentally well.

I used eat a hella lot of fiber 30-40 grams with no issue. Something changed and I have no idea what or why my insides are so fooking sensitive now. It is not a cure by any means eliminating or limiting certain foods. But its all I got right now. I am thankful there is no real pain like there was a few months ago.

You've got this!

Crosses fingers and hopes for the best.

[phoenix4444]

Meal was at around 2:30 pm today. Calories estimated at 1400-1500

-Coffee with milk

-ground beef with sweet peppers, mushrooms, seasoned microwaved rice, scallions.
-around two cups of milk

-Monster rehab at 5 before leaving for work
-Monster Zero during commute to last job at 10:30 pm


Slept like absolute hell so the extra stimulation was needed. Still those last two hours were a bitch. So I will probably be up too late again. Here is to better sleep though. I have another long day tomorrow as my boss needs me to work an extra job. Yah me so yeah the next two days are going to be fun. Friday hopefully will be just my one four hour job and Saturday off. If there is a god it will be so because this gal will be hella tired.



bench with monkey bar
25 1x10
45 1x10
65 1x10
85 1x5
95 1x5
105 1x2, last rep was a struggle.

Between first three set was reverse fly 10 pounds for 10. The last three sets just some band pullaparts and rotations. Still getting used to the monkey bar but I think it is worth getting it for my shoulder health. I had enough coffee energy to accomplish my mission even though sleep was deficient.



Now I need to try to get some damn sleep.

[gobbles23]

Good to see you back!!! Do you maybe have some IBS going on??

[phoenix4444]

Good to see you back!!! Do you maybe have some IBS going on??

TY. Hopefully I can get some sort of rhythm back. Still find it hard posting but the more I do the better I will feel.

IBS, maybe. Getting my fasting schedule going again will help a bunch.

[phoenix4444]

Meal eaten around 3:30 pm

-Coffee with milk

-Leftover spaghetti with sweet pepper, onion, mushrooms,a load of ground beef, and a little good quality shredded parmesan
-around2 cups whole milk

-Monster Zero between jobs

Calories were probably around 1300-1400. Eventually I will start weighing my food again but right now not into doing so. Not really concerned too much yet on a specific number, I stop eating when i am full. If I keep with quality, home cooked food with plenty of protein and fat I should keep a deficit going just fine as long as I stick to just one meal. Now I am pretty hungry at the present time but I can hang for the rest of the night. Going to do a weigh in when i get up to see where I am at. I figure I am around 145 but we we see.

I felt the deficit kicking in full force tonight. My stamina towards the end of my work was waning pretty fast. Something I will have to get used to again. Also now have that weird dryness in my mouth which is a good sign that the fast is kicking in. Other than that feel pretty good, my mind feels more clear and alert. I was pretty clumsy at work with scraping my the top of my hand twice on the rough bottom of shelves when I was vacuuming. Then I ran backwards in to a door jam and knocked the hell out of the elbow on the door. Also took a chunk out of my hand with my thumbnail when I was changing trash liners. Battle wounds all around tonight.



Lifting
-Lat pulldown neutral grip, 90 2x10
-Overhead tricep extension, 25 2x12
-Lying db reverse flys, 10 2x12

Pretty simple accessories work out today. Saving up strength for deadlifts on Friday so not sure what I will do tomorrow. Maybe just some foam rolling or stretching.

[Partyrocking]

Ouch! I hope you heal up soon.

[phoenix4444]

^^^

Sometimes so preoccupied that I do not know what my body is doing or where it is.