Mackitten Muscles through Grief

[jsari23]

Feel like I should have started working this hard when I was 20 but I guess Ill have to settle for 40. 40 is the new 20 right?

For years at 5'1" I was always around 105. Hit 30, seems like I gained 2 pounds around every year, had a heart surgery that threw me off, and a shoulder surgery and part of that recovery involved large amounts of peanut butter filled pretzels!

October 2014, I joined a group training gym. Might have been up to 123# by then. Started working out with weights 3/4 times a week, HIIT 2 times a week. March 2015 started tracking my macros, calories were around 1550, dont recall the split. By July 2015 was down to 108, feeling great seeing a lot of changes. Very hard to maintain that and then had a little vacation threw me off. Probably then for the next few months hovered about 109/110, trying to focus on lifting heavy as much as the group program I was on allowed (scheduled classes, assigned exercises set time limits)

October 14th 2015, my world crumbles around me when my little brother dies suddenly. Commence eating through my grief, or not eating at all and not tracking anything. I did continue to go to the gym through this all and try to push myself as hard as I could because there was nothing else I could do, and no one asks me stupid questions about how I am feeling or tells me it gets better when I am sweating and have my headphones on.

Plan was to start a bulk when we went on vacation in November and start adding some mass. Didnt happen that way or not structured at least, I was eating more and was working out hard but probably not enough protein and a ton of sweets and cakes.

Fast forward to now, around 113/114# (unfortunately still 5'1"). Started tracking again Monday this week and just trying to maintain for a week or two while I adjust to getting back on track

Macros : 1932 cal - 114 p/254 c/51 f

I joined a new gym in November where I can come and go as I please and lots of free weights and helpful like minded folk and is a 2 minute drive from my house,

I am running PHUL started at the beginning of December with a few slight adjustments as I went along.

Thinking this journal will help keep me accountable and see my progress. Not sure I am tracking in here every detail or each workout but maybe challenges and milestones and other miscellaneous tidbits

[jsari23]

Trying to back track and document a little for my reference

Started PHUL on Tuesday 12/1/2016

I made a few changes and still might tweek a little - most trouble is with the Lower Hypertrophy day as originally wasnt feeling enough Ham/Glute work and trying to get a good alternative to front squats. Had issues with feet slippage on hack squat machine, might end up doing LB Squats (since generally do HB and that is what I do on Power day)

Tuesday Upper Power
-
BB Bench
Face Pull
BO BB Row
Lat Pulldown (wideish grip)
DB OH Press
Ezbar Curl
Ezbar Skullcrushers

Wednesday Lower Power
-
HB Squat
Deadlift
Leg Press
Lying Curl
Calf of some sort

Friday Upper Hypertrophy
-
Incline BB Bench
Flat DB Bench
SA DB Row
Lateral DB Raises
Pull Ups
Seated DB Curls
Tricep Ext

Saturday Lower Hypertrophy
-
LB Squat
BB Step UP
DB SLDL
Glute/Ham Raise
Calf something

2 out of three of the rest days I usually do 20/25 minutes on the ellipitcal and/or some floor ab work

[adriannec]

Heya! Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the impact that has. Sending hugs. Have you tried goblet squats with a DB or even goblet box squats in place of front squats? I hate FSs with a passion personally.

[jsari23]

Heya! Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the impact that has. Sending hugs. Have you tried goblet squats with a DB or even goblet box squats in place of front squats? I hate FSs with a passion personally.

thank you adriannec

I did try goblets with a kettlebell, I used 50# and it was tough and I wondered if it was harder on my upper body in terms on holding that kettlebell instead of my lower so I tried the hack then this week did LB Squats which I liked...

[jsari23]

so wednesday was Lower Power, i got to the gym later then I should have in there morning and couldnt deadlift. I was chatting with owner and wondering to come back at night to deadlift of thursday am (usually off morning)

She said come deadlift with us tonight. Random group of whoever shows up deadifts together at 7pm

went back at 7pm was there until 9!! they decided to squat too so I squatted again (ooppps!) and then deadlifted, It was kinda nice to do it with a group chatting and encouraging each other, having someone left you know how your form was...

And I must have some mental things with the squat and weight because in the am alone I was doing I think 95# for 5 and it was hard, that night I did 10 @ 95# still hard but...

also didnt realize I could do 10 @ 143 for my deadlift, doesnt seem like much but at my old gym in May/June/July or something like that 1 rep 135# was hard.. Might also be then I was eating in a deficit and weighed like 107-110 and now eating at maintain or above and weighing 112-114.

might do it again this week, sometimes they do it sometimes they dont though so I wonder if its too much to do am and pm squatting and deadlifting?...

I was walking like I was horseback riding and getting onto the toilet was challenging

[adriannec]

thank you adriannec

I did try goblets with a kettlebell, I used 50# and it was tough and I wondered if it was harder on my upper body in terms on holding that kettlebell instead of my lower so I tried the hack then this week did LB Squats which I liked...

Yeah, goblets do take some upper body effort. I back off my bi/tri isolation work when I'm doing goblet squats. I also make sure to have regular squats still in my programming and throw in goblets for the glute/HS benefit even at lighter weight/higher reps. I'll do heavier squats with a BB one day and then have goblets in 2 or 3 sets of 15-20 as accessory work on another.

Not telling you what to do, but just saying what I do. LOL. AKA rambling.

[jsari23]

Thx I'll reconsider the goblets maybe at some point def with lighter weight

[jsari23]

This mornings upper power was brought to you by David Bowie


Getting happier with my bench

Bb bench
45/10
65/5
75/5
85/5
95/5 little sloppy
100/3 sloppy with spot
105/1 x4 with spot
85/5 x2
65/15

Face pull
20/10
30/10 x3

BO bb row
40/10
60/5 x2
70/5

Lat pull down
30/10
40/10
50/10
60/10

OH db press
15s/8
20s/8
25s/8 x2
15s/15

Ezbar curl
Bar (weight?)/10
+2.5/10 x2
+5/10
Bar/10

Skullcrushers
Bar/10
+2.5/10 x2
5/10
Bar/10

So weird the last 2 benches at 105 were better than the first 2. The last was was actually the best. The gym owner i

[jsari23]

This morning was Lower Power

HB Squat
bar/10 : 65/6 : 85/5 : 105/5 : 110/5 : 115/10 x3 : 65/10

Deadlift
88/10 : 132/5 : 154/5 x3 : 88/10

Leg Press
50/15 : 70/15 : 80/15

Lying Curl
10/10 : 20/10 x2

Standing Calf Raise
100/12 : 140/12 :160/12

Squatted my body weight so thats something. My squats though are the worst of the three main lifts I feel. I was talking to the gym owner about it, I also said that last week when I squatted in the morning then again at night with the group it felt easier that evening. Could be having others there giving you motivation and support but also she had a point, I workout at 5:30 in the morning and do not eat before hand, only water and coffee during the workout. SO maybe having a belly full of fuel helps me be stronger, makes a bunch of sense.

She suggested if I can't eat that early (I can't and I do like my workouts in the morning) to at least try some amino acids (?) they sell them in packets and I guess I can add to my water and sip on that... Have to research and read about that.

I didnt get to the gym until 5:30 and should leave by 6:30 latest 6:45. I was rushing through the leg press and curls, I usually do more then 3 sets. But I guess since I spend so much time on my deadlifts and squats I either have to leave it as is, lower my sets of deads/squats or get there earlier....

Also tonight is deadlift night, whoever shows up deadlifts together, last week I missed my am deads so I went, but would it be overkill to go back and deadlift more tonight?

Thinking of switching my days when I workout to accommodate deadlift night. Right now I am tuesday upper power, wednesday lower power (deadlift night) thursday rest, friday upper hyper, saturday lower hyper. Maybe Ill go mon, tues off wednesday so I can deadlift again if I want but had more rest, thurs, fri...

[JenSTL4]

So sorry about the loss of your brother

40 is definitely the new 20 That's what I've been saying for the past year!!

You look great!! You are putting in some nice work in here!

Deadlift night sounds fun. Always good to have others around supporting you and cheering you on. That is cool!

[jsari23]

So sorry about the loss of your brother

40 is definitely the new 20 That's what I've been saying for the past year!!

You look great!! You are putting in some nice work in here!

Deadlift night sounds fun. Always good to have others around supporting you and cheering you on. That is cool!

thank you

yeah i think i will changes my days next week so one of my off days is wednesday and go to the deadlift night again and see how it goes, I didnt go last night though

[jsari23]

took thursday off from lifting and went a little lighter this morning because I signed up for a for charity for fun bench press comp tomorrow being sponsered by my gym. I am more worried about socializing at this point then actual lifting. It takes me time to get comfortable with people and chatting when I don't know them if there are 1-4 people lets say I am so so, as you get over that I want an escape route LOL hopefully I am not socially awkward or drop weights on myself or anyone else.

1.15.16 Friday Lower Hypertrophy

HB Squat
bar/12 65/12 x3

BB Lunges (per leg)
30/12 x2

DB SLDL
25s/12 30s/12 x2

GluteHam Raise
10x3

Lying Curl
10/20

Seated Leg Extension
20/12 x3

Calf presses
50/12 70/12 100/12

I got myself for the holidays a glow in the dark unicorn skeleton shirt, havent worn it yet, think Ill break it out for tomorrow and hope it gives me special bench powers

[jsari23]

How do you all keep up with everyone else's journals?? Oh my I tried to start reading some but feel like such a lurker/stalker

Saturday I did a for charity bench press comp - open to everyone - sponsored by my gym. Opened at 100, failed at my second attempt for 110 but then got the 110 on my third. was kinda fun but a little intimidating but all for charity so -- but today was bench and I couldnt get that 110 again

1.18.16 Monday UP

Bench
bar\15 : 85/5/ : 95/5 (first week unspotted at this weight) : 100/4 :105/3 : 110/failed1 :95/4 : 95/3 :65/20

BO BB Row
50/12 70/5 x3

facepull
20/10 30/10 x3

lat pull down
40/12 : 50/10 : 60/10 : 70/10

DB OH Press
15/8 : 20/8 : 25/8 x2 : 15/12

Ezbar Curl & SkullCrushers (same numbers)
bar/12 : 2.5s/10 : 5s/10 x2 : bar/15

cable crossover
10/10 x2

Bummed about not getting that 100 on the bench again. I am overthinking some of my lifts and have to work on that though.

Was going to try to get at least one OH Press with the 30s but I couldn't even get them up

Weighed in at 116 on the scale at the gym this morning, weights weird, like a 2 pound difference btw my electronic home scale and the gym one, but saturday at the comp I weighed in at 115 where the day before I was 114 so who knows. Also maybe that gym scale is off somehow from being moved around so much (moved to this gym space I think in sept, then to the comp then back from the comp) Watching these numbers go up is hard though, I guess I knew it would be but I think I have to look at my macros.

MLK day here in the states, my office is open but its like a ghost town here.

[adriannec]

I love DB OHPs but I always get stuck around the 25-30 jump. I chip away on reps at 25s, they get easy, and then I can barely get the 30s up. I've actually changed over at times to the plate loaded OHP. Where each arm works independently. Just to break things up a little and try to get weight added. Then I go back to the DBs and usually I can manage the heavier ones for a bit. LOL.

It's hard on the journals for me. Maybe it's my brain but I have trouble following threads at times. I need to play with the ways you can organize them in your feeds. I love seeing ideas and what everyone is doing, so I sub and keep up. Have fun in the ghost town today. I think only banks, the government and mailmen take holidays off nowdays. LOL.

[JenSTL4]

Very cool about the bench press comp! Way to go!! And great workout today!

Our office was very quiet today too. It was good for me because it is our year end, so I was able to get a lot of stuff done and not be bothered

I weigh myself everyday, but usually take the average for the week. I'm always heavier on a Monday morning after a weekend of margaritas and guacamole I get excited seeing the scale go up now. It used to freak me out, but I know it will eventually go back down.

It is hard to keep up with everyone's journals. I'm subbed to so many and enjoy reading through everyone's workouts to try to learn new things, but I don't always have time to reply.

[Fiction2Fitness]

*lurks and stalks* I mean, umm hi. ;-)

Great lifts. The bench press thing sounded fun though understand worrying on the social side. I barely know what to do if someone talks to me at the gym cause it's such a rare situation even for the one that is super busy at times.

I have been reading over a few journals to see what people post but haven't commented much, well except for now. But it's this or figure out how to end this novel chapter...

[gobbles23]

Found you!!!!

Oh my god, I am SO sorry to hear about your brother How horrible that must have been...my condolences.

Nice workouts in here And very nice benching!!!

[jsari23]

I love DB OHPs but I always get stuck around the 25-30 jump. I chip away on reps at 25s, they get easy, and then I can barely get the 30s up. I've actually changed over at times to the plate loaded OHP. Where each arm works independently. Just to break things up a little and try to get weight added. Then I go back to the DBs and usually I can manage the heavier ones for a bit. LOL.

It's hard on the journals for me. Maybe it's my brain but I have trouble following threads at times. I need to play with the ways you can organize them in your feeds. I love seeing ideas and what everyone is doing, so I sub and keep up. Have fun in the ghost town today. I think only banks, the government and mailmen take holidays off nowdays. LOL.

yeah the journals I have a hrd time especilally if they are already long I try to like see what the top of the list and read the last few pages but then I dont know what to post like I am 12 again , or my memory is shot so after i read it and go to another I cant remember whos I read or where I commented! haha

[jsari23]

Very cool about the bench press comp! Way to go!! And great workout today!

Our office was very quiet today too. It was good for me because it is our year end, so I was able to get a lot of stuff done and not be bothered

I weigh myself everyday, but usually take the average for the week. I'm always heavier on a Monday morning after a weekend of margaritas and guacamole I get excited seeing the scale go up now. It used to freak me out, but I know it will eventually go back down.

It is hard to keep up with everyone's journals. I'm subbed to so many and enjoy reading through everyone's workouts to try to learn new things, but I don't always have time to reply.

thanks

i try to weigh every morning so that I can get the weeks average but I dont know lately I have been feeling, maybe full but like I need more fiber, tmi, but Im trying to just keep going and not worry about it too much I am sure that will get harder as it continues to go up

I have time to reply I just sometimes blank out and have no clue what to write

[jsari23]

*lurks and stalks* I mean, umm hi. ;-)

Great lifts. The bench press thing sounded fun though understand worrying on the social side. I barely know what to do if someone talks to me at the gym cause it's such a rare situation even for the one that is super busy at times.

I have been reading over a few journals to see what people post but haven't commented much, well except for now. But it's this or figure out how to end this novel chapter...

hi !

yeah its this or work LOL

as I have gotten older I am much better with social things but only still like small groups, I go to the gym at like 5:30 am so there are the same 3/4 people there so its not bad then, and everyone so far is really nice for the most part

[jsari23]

Found you!!!!

Oh my god, I am SO sorry to hear about your brother How horrible that must have been...my condolences.

Nice workouts in here And very nice benching!!!

thank you.

thanks, I think they might be doing another for charity bench thing in the spring so def at least want a better showing next time

[jsari23]

Tuesday 1.19.16
HB Squat
bar/12 : 65/5 : 85/5 : 95/5 : 105/5 : 110/5 : 115/5 x3 : 120/3 x2 : 65/20

Deads
89/10 : 133/5 : 155/5 : 159/5 : 163:5 : 89/12

Leg Press
50/15 : 70/15 : 90/15 : 100/15 :50/20

lying curl
10/10 :20/10 x3 :10/10

calf raise incline
....

Thursday 1.21.16

Incline Bench
bar/12 : 55/12 x4 : 50/6

DB Bench
15's/12 : 20s/12 :x3 : 15s/15

SA DB Row
15s/12 : 20s/12 x3 : 15/15

Pull ups
5 x4

Lat raises
5a/12 :7s/12 :8s/12 : 5s/20

seated curl
8s/12 x3 : 5s/20

tri ext
20/12 :30/12 x2 : 20/12

Friday 1.22.16

Squat
bar/12 : 65/12 :70/12 x4

BB lunges per leg
20/12 x4

SLDL DB
25s/10 : 30s/10 x2 :35/10

Ham GLute raise
10 x4

leg ext
20/12 x3

lying curl
10/12 x3

standing calf
80/12 : 100/12 : 120/12 :140/12 x2

So tried to focus on form and not force weights up on the rep days

squats feel so freaking hard no matter the weight, a trainer was saying sometimes it can be your build and comparatilvly to the rest of my proportions I have longer femurs maybe making squats not my favorites

super excited though, friendly with gym people and the owner trainer and another trainer.

I have 2 more free training sessions and they are going to write me my own customized program to start February, so well see how that goes

Also showed up at deadlift night but no one else so the I got some personal training on my form and learned how to sumo deadlift


sushi tonight and I think Im not even going to try to figure out how to count it, we havent had sushi for a while.
be well

[LunaLifts]

How do you all keep up with everyone else's journals??

I skip through the first post or first few to get an idea of where the person started. Then I skip ahead, and go with their recent posts. I couldn't imagine trying to catch up on all of it, and I'm not going to comment on all those old posts anyway.

In.

[LunaLifts]

squats feel so freaking hard no matter the weight, a trainer was saying sometimes it can be your build and comparatilvly to the rest of my proportions I have longer femurs maybe making squats not my favorites

Double post, sorry, but I just read your last post (should have done so before my first post, lol), and had to comment on this. I have the same issue with squats, they always seem so difficult. I watched the "So You Think you Can Squat" serious on youtube, and it did help my forward lean, but it doesn't make them any less taxing.

[jsari23]

This week so far I am feeling week and thick, since I started intentionally eating over maintenance I feel so bloated.

Also tired, have trouble falling asleep sometimes as my mind not cooperating and thoughts of my brother jump on me out of no where, so maybe I pass out crying, or up thinking until 11:30 but get up at 5:00 to go to the gym, workout 1 - 1.5 hours home, work restart cycle.

enough complaining - going out for a work dinner tonight trying to eat between 1800-1900 calories and still have 1300 left so I guess ill see, sometimes hard to estimate out of home meals, already had 9 cups water and 71g protein so thats something

Monday 1.25.16 UP 115#

Bench
bar\15 : 65/5 : 85/5 : 95/5 : start spot 100/5 :105/3 x2 : 85/5 x4 : 65/10 - 100 always seems like a sticking point - trainer suggest next time skip it and go straight to 105

BO BB Row
45/5 65/5 x4

facepull
20/10 30/10 x3

lat pull down
60/12 : 70/10 : 60/10x2 (70 seems 10 times harder then 60 and form is iffy)

DB OH Press
15/8 : 20/8 : 25/8 x2 (second set ugly)

Ezbar Curl & SkullCrushers (same numbers)
bar/12 : 2.5s/10 : 5s/10 x3 :

Tuesday 1.26.16 LP 114#

LB Squat
bar/10 : 65/5 : 85/5 : 95/5 : 105/5 : 110/5 : 115/5 : 120/5 x4 : 65/15

Deads
89/10 : 133/5 : 155/5 x2 : 89/5

Leg Press
50/15 : 100/15x3

lying curl
20/10 x4

calf raise incline
80/12 x4


Deadlifts felt ****ty today, I think I was thinking too much and the lower left back was irritated hurting so I didnt push it how my head was telling me to

[Partyrocking]

I think squats are hard for people because it's easy to overthink them. Where do I put my feet? Is the bar on the right part of my back? Am I leaning too far forward?

Although it's good to have good form, no ones form is perfect, so the only thing you can do is find a position you're comfortable with and once you find it, make it your mission to replicate it as much as possible, i.e. try to make every squat exactly the same. Then, after a while you don't have to think about it. You just do it.

I hope your back feels better!

[LunaLifts]

This week so far I am feeling week and thick, since I started intentionally eating over maintenance I feel so bloated.

It'll pass, the first week or so kinda sucks like that. You get all bloaty, sometimes sluggish. Your body does adapt though, and it gets much easier. Just hang in there.

I think squats are hard for people because it's easy to overthink them. Where do I put my feet? Is the bar on the right part of my back? Am I leaning too far forward?

I don't think I overthink them, but my overall attitude towards them probably doesn't help. I think it'd be a little easier if I didn't feel so winded. Breathing heavy is one thing, but feeling that out of breath bothers me.

[jsari23]

I think squats are hard for people because it's easy to overthink them. Where do I put my feet? Is the bar on the right part of my back? Am I leaning too far forward?

Although it's good to have good form, no ones form is perfect, so the only thing you can do is find a position you're comfortable with and once you find it, make it your mission to replicate it as much as possible, i.e. try to make every squat exactly the same. Then, after a while you don't have to think about it. You just do it.

I hope your back feels better!

so funny though I feel like I know I over think my deadlifts and bench but wasnt thinking that I was overthinking my squats LOL

thanks, back is somewhat better I think but tomorrow is squatting and SLDL so well see what happens then, thinking of investing in an 18" foam roller and some monster bands from rogue (for stretching) but havent pulled the trigger on the stuff in my cart yet

[jsari23]

It'll pass, the first week or so kinda sucks like that. You get all bloaty, sometimes sluggish. Your body does adapt though, and it gets much easier. Just hang in there.

I don't think I overthink them, but my overall attitude towards them probably doesn't help. I think it'd be a little easier if I didn't feel so winded. Breathing heavy is one thing, but feeling that out of breath bothers me.

ugh except im already on week 4 of tracking this bulk - before I wasnt doing well with my tracking for some time, guess I have to try to stick with it , harder then I thought

[LunaLifts]

ugh except im already on week 4 of tracking this bulk - before I wasnt doing well with my tracking for some time, guess I have to try to stick with it , harder then I thought

Too be fair I've spent a long time going wildly back and forth with my intake, so maybe my stomach is just used to adapting to it. >.< Like you said though, consistency is important too. It does seem easy like "oh, I just eat more food" then it's like "wow... this is a lot."

Nuts/nut butters are pretty calorie heavy for a small amount. I like liquid cals too (juices, milk, etc), they're an easy thing to add in, then take out again when I cut. Yogurts are almost liquid, unless you get the Greek kinds, but the regular ones aren't too filling, and add some more.

I don't know about bands for stretching, but a foam roller is a good option. Everyone I've seen post about them likes them. You can also use a tennis ball for smaller, hard to pinpoint spots like your traps.