Me vs. Me: Lifting with UCTD

[SophieM]

I hope you're having a good weekend, Sophie! Yeah I bet the weather continues to suck where you guys are too. I always look forward to March 1st as at that point it seems kinda impossible for it to be as wintry (although we sometimes get a lingering snowstorm in March) but being in that month gives me more peace of mind.

I get back from my cruise on March 2nd and hope that it's warmer by then. We did have a snowstorm in March last year that was bad enough to cancel the first day of orientation at my job. I'm so sick of snow.

~~~~~~

Today was spent mostly sleeping. A 16 hour shift is tiring. Also going back and forth to the bathroom. Definitely not empty but not much I can do about that now. Maybe an Exlax tonight, but I doubt it. I just need to focus on eating whole foods, less processed foods, and go from there. Granted, the stuffed crust pizza I bought tonight, and ate half of, probably doesn't fit in the "whole foods" category. Oops.

[SophieM]

These weeks just aren't going as planned. I slept a TON this weekend and I'm not really sure why. GI system issues seemed to get better when I cut out a lot of carbs, and then I had a ton of carbs. So, issues to be had there again. I never got very empty this weekend either, though I was 2 lbs lighter Saturday. Really need to work on not eating as many carbs. Not nearly as easy as it sounds

Week 7 Preview - It's going to be a crazy week. Work has already called asking me to do yet another double Saturday. Not happening. Goal workout wise is to just try to get them all in somehow. Tuesday I'll probably come home and just go to bed. Hopefully I can get enough rest so I can workout Wednesday after work.

Monday - Work 0700-2330
Tuesday - Work 0700-1530
Wednesday - Work 0700-1530
Thursday - Dr. appointment + Dance + workout?
Friday - Work 0700-1530 + workout?
Saturday - Work 0700-1530
Sunday - Workout? + weigh/measure+ CRUISE!!!

[Artemis00]

Yeah, I think I would wither up and die if I had to drop my carbs. But if it helps your GI tract, I guess you don't have much of a choice. Besides, I don't know if there is anything that you could take to help keep you regular if general fiber isn't working. Hell, I tried psyllium husks the one time and it worked, but one of those things where you don't want to be away from a bathroom 3 days later plus it wasn't pleasant.


Hope you can get in as much as you can.

[Partyrocking]

Have fun on your cruise!

[thehobbes]

Yay for extra sleep! Wahoo cruise coming up!

[SophieM]

Yeah, I think I would wither up and die if I had to drop my carbs. But if it helps your GI tract, I guess you don't have much of a choice. Besides, I don't know if there is anything that you could take to help keep you regular if general fiber isn't working. Hell, I tried psyllium husks the one time and it worked, but one of those things where you don't want to be away from a bathroom 3 days later plus it wasn't pleasant.

Hope you can get in as much as you can.

I'm not sure what it is about carbs, or if it's just processed carbs. I'll have to experiment. I know I'm "regular" in ketosis. I just need to figure out what carb level, or type of carbs, I can eat and still be regular. I'm assuming it has something to do with inflammation caused by something in carbs, or something. I don't know. Apparently common enough that my rheumatologist is on board with low carb/ketosis.

Have fun on your cruise!

Thanks! Definitely the plan.

Yay for extra sleep! Wahoo cruise coming up!

Definitely needed the extra sleep it seems. Need the cruise also.

~~~~~~

I ended up spending the night at work Monday. The ice was just too bad to try to get home an then to work this morning. To say I was exhausted all day is an understatement. Working short and the day being crazy helped keep me awake. Came home, ate, went to bed. Now need to go back to sleep for work tomorrow.

Sunday is getting closer though!

[VO2Maxima]

Okay so I just realized in your signature that you have a new log, and since I was spacing out on logs entirely I must have missed it. So I'm late, but in on 5th page!

[Artemis00]

Damn, sounds like a tough night. Glad you didn't risk it with the ice, but sucks you can't be home at night.

Hope Sunday comes quick

[SophieM]

Okay so I just realized in your signature that you have a new log, and since I was spacing out on logs entirely I must have missed it. So I'm late, but in on 5th page!

Welcome! You haven't missed much. It's mostly been my bitching about my health LOL.

Damn, sounds like a tough night. Glad you didn't risk it with the ice, but sucks you can't be home at night.

Hope Sunday comes quick

It was a miserable night with maybe 3-4 hours of sleep after working 16 hours. Luckily Sunday is right around the corner!

[itsagoodday]

Sophie, I just wanted to stop by and say I've got a crazy amount of respect for all the hard work you put in, especially given your health issues. I had some years of poor health myself before my own autoimmune diagnosis some time ago, and remember vividly how darned difficult it could be just to get through the day-to-day stuff sometimes. So yes, tons of respect for you. You're a very strong lady in more ways than one!

[SophieM]

Sophie, I just wanted to stop by and say I've got a crazy amount of respect for all the hard work you put in, especially given your health issues. I had some years of poor health myself before my own autoimmune diagnosis some time ago, and remember vividly how darned difficult it could be just to get through the day-to-day stuff sometimes. So yes, tons of respect for you. You're a very strong lady in more ways than one!

Thanks for this. Most people don't "get it" and I honestly think that they figure I'm just lazy.

~~~~~~

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm a rather blunt person. My dad died this morning. No, he wasn't sick. This was very sudden. I'm still in shock. Probably won't be around much for a while.

[Artemis00]

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm a rather blunt person. My dad died this morning. No, he wasn't sick. This was very sudden. I'm still in shock. Probably won't be around much for a while.

OMG!!!! I'm sooooooo sorry. You have my deepest condolences.

[thehobbes]

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm a rather blunt person. My dad died this morning. No, he wasn't sick. This was very sudden. I'm still in shock. Probably won't be around much for a while.

!!! That's awful, I'm so sorry! Will be thinking about you friend.

[lschepis]

Awwww Sophie, I'm so sorry Will keep u in my prayers and thoughts.

[VO2Maxima]

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm a rather blunt person. My dad died this morning. No, he wasn't sick. This was very sudden. I'm still in shock. Probably won't be around much for a while.

****. I'm really sorry to hear this. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

[itsagoodday]

Oh that's terrible, I am so tremendously sorry! My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.

[SophieM]

OMG!!!! I'm sooooooo sorry. You have my deepest condolences.

!!! That's awful, I'm so sorry! Will be thinking about you friend.

Awwww Sophie, I'm so sorry Will keep u in my prayers and thoughts.

****. I'm really sorry to hear this. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Oh that's terrible, I am so tremendously sorry! My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.

Thanks everyone.

I made it through the first night and day thanks to my amazing coworkers. I pathetically asked on ******** if someone would go to the store with me and someone did. Then i went to her house for hours and took a walk (~2 miles). Then when I got home, another coworker stopped by for a couple hours. Tomorrow two coworkers are picking me up and taking me somewhere. Not sure where, probably to eat though. I finally had some soup today after not having anything since Thursday.

One day at a time.

[Artemis00]

Thanks everyone.

I made it through the first night and day thanks to my amazing coworkers. I pathetically asked on ******** if someone would go to the store with me and someone did. Then i went to her house for hours and took a walk (~2 miles). Then when I got home, another coworker stopped by for a couple hours. Tomorrow two coworkers are picking me up and taking me somewhere. Not sure where, probably to eat though. I finally had some soup today after not having anything since Thursday.

One day at a time.

Nothing you mentioned above is pathetic. Sometimes having someone there as a distraction makes things a little bit easier. And it is great that you have friends/coworkers that can be there for you at this time.

Stay strong and if you need anything...even at this distance, let me know.

[thehobbes]

Thanks everyone.

I made it through the first night and day thanks to my amazing coworkers. I pathetically asked on ******** if someone would go to the store with me and someone did. Then i went to her house for hours and took a walk (~2 miles). Then when I got home, another coworker stopped by for a couple hours. Tomorrow two coworkers are picking me up and taking me somewhere. Not sure where, probably to eat though. I finally had some soup today after not having anything since Thursday.

One day at a time.

Good friends and coworkers, glad you have people close by to help you through this. Feel free to PM me any time if you wanna talk, srs. Food is good, eat!

[VO2Maxima]

Not pathetic. You grieve how you need to grieve, and if that means surrounding yourself with people and keeping yourself busy, do so. Hang in there.

[viccles007]

I'm really sorry to hear Sophie thinking of you.

[SophieM]

Nothing you mentioned above is pathetic. Sometimes having someone there as a distraction makes things a little bit easier. And it is great that you have friends/coworkers that can be there for you at this time.

Stay strong and if you need anything...even at this distance, let me know.

Talking to people/being around people makes things so much better. I hate being in the house alone. I hate the silence.

Thanks.

Good friends and coworkers, glad you have people close by to help you through this. Feel free to PM me any time if you wanna talk, srs. Food is good, eat!

Food just isn't high on my list of things. I don't think I ate today. I had some cookies and Reese's, but don't think I had any food. Maybe tomorrow.

Not pathetic. You grieve how you need to grieve, and if that means surrounding yourself with people and keeping yourself busy, do so. Hang in there.

I just wonder if I'm trying to run from it by keeping busy. Oh well. Just gotta get through the days.

I'm really sorry to hear Sophie thinking of you.

Thank you.

~~~~~~

Still around. Not much to say. Trying to stay busy.

[Artemis00]

Talking to people/being around people makes things so much better. I hate being in the house alone. I hate the silence.

I just wonder if I'm trying to run from it by keeping busy. Oh well. Just gotta get through the days.

Can't even imagine what it is like to go thru what you are going thru.

Don't know...maybe a radio or TV on for some background noise can help a bit, but I'm sure it isn't an adequate substitute.

And maybe you are trying to run away from it by keeping busy...but that may also be what you need right now until you are ready to deal with it. The best thing you can do right now is be kind to yourself.

[lschepis]

U are so lucky to have great friends and co-workers helping u get through this. Just make sure u take care of yourself.

[VO2Maxima]

Nah you're not running away. You need to cope how you need to cope. Hang in there, girl.

[thehobbes]

Seriously gotta eat something substantial for your own health and energy. Don't make me bring you a feast of Papa Johns pizzas, wings, and the big cookie. If you see those green peppers on the ground you know I'm near.

Keeping busy is a very good thing, stay strong Sophie.

[SophieM]

Can't even imagine what it is like to go thru what you are going thru.

Don't know...maybe a radio or TV on for some background noise can help a bit, but I'm sure it isn't an adequate substitute.

And maybe you are trying to run away from it by keeping busy...but that may also be what you need right now until you are ready to deal with it. The best thing you can do right now is be kind to yourself.

I have the radio on or YouTube 24/7. I even sleep with music, but I did that when he was alive also. It's meditative so it's nice to sleep with. I can't stand the silence. It creeps me out.

U are so lucky to have great friends and co-workers helping u get through this. Just make sure u take care of yourself.

I don't know what I'd do without them. The only times I've eaten has been when someone has gotten me out of the house. I do need to make sure I am at least getting in more fluids.

Nah you're not running away. You need to cope how you need to cope. Hang in there, girl.

Yeah, but I have a tendency to hold things in and self destruct. I've allowed myself to cry but not as much as I feel like I should. I guess I'm just not an emotional person and I feel like I should be.

Seriously gotta eat something substantial for your own health and energy. Don't make me bring you a feast of Papa Johns pizzas, wings, and the big cookie. If you see those green peppers on the ground you know I'm near.

Keeping busy is a very good thing, stay strong Sophie.

I can only imagine how my stomach would respond to that type of food after subsisting on basically soup for almost a week now.

~~~~~~~

It's getting better. I still wake up feeling like I'm having a mini-panic attack, dry heaving, crying, etc. But it's not as intense as it was. I can't believe tomorrow will be a week. Damn time has flown by.

I'm down almost 10 lbs. I was 130.6 lbs this morning. I really need to make it a goal to eat tomorrow in between the things I plan on doing. I was told the death certificate should be available tomorrow, so that needs to be done. Then I can really start moving on this financial stuff. It will be nice to actually get some stuff started.

Hoping to make the drive to Ohio this weekend to be with aunt. I hate that she's so far away and I hate even more I know that one day I'll be going through the same thing with her

[VO2Maxima]

IYeah, but I have a tendency to hold things in and self destruct. I've allowed myself to cry but not as much as I feel like I should. I guess I'm just not an emotional person and I feel like I should be.

No, please don't feel like you *should* be more emotional, or that you *should* cry. My high school best friend died when I was 18, and my mom told me that "I should cry." She said the same thing when each of my grandparents died..."Let it out and cry." So I felt like there was something wrong with me that I didn't want to cry...maybe I wasn't sad enough, or didn't care enough, or whatever. I felt like a terrible person because maybe I didn't care that all these people died, and that just made me feel worse. But in reality, I just grieved differently than my mom. If you grieve by holding things in, and that's how you have to deal with things, then do that. I don't buy all the people who say "Holding things in is unhealthy," because sometimes it's the only way to make it through the day.

[itsagoodday]

Totally agree that everyone grieves differently, it's a journey for everyone and there really is no right or wrong way to go about it. I'm so glad that people are stepping up and looking out for you. Please take care of yourself as best you can.

[SophieM]

No, please don't feel like you *should* be more emotional, or that you *should* cry. My high school best friend died when I was 18, and my mom told me that "I should cry." She said the same thing when each of my grandparents died..."Let it out and cry." So I felt like there was something wrong with me that I didn't want to cry...maybe I wasn't sad enough, or didn't care enough, or whatever. I felt like a terrible person because maybe I didn't care that all these people died, and that just made me feel worse. But in reality, I just grieved differently than my mom. If you grieve by holding things in, and that's how you have to deal with things, then do that. I don't buy all the people who say "Holding things in is unhealthy," because sometimes it's the only way to make it through the day.

I've had some fairly self destructive coping mechanisms in the past. I guess "holding it in" makes me worried I'll go back to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I seem to be doing okay right now. Just staying busy and crying when it happens. I do tend to make myself stop crying, but it's a work in progress.

Totally agree that everyone grieves differently, it's a journey for everyone and there really is no right or wrong way to go about it. I'm so glad that people are stepping up and looking out for you. Please take care of yourself as best you can.

I'm trying. It was nice to get away for a few days. Back to reality now though.

~~~~~~

Back from Ohio. It was a nice visit. I hope I'm able to go more regularly. Even though I felt like I was eating more, I still lost more weight. Not sure what the damage was, but I weighed the same partially dressed as I did before I left. My stomach just does NOT want food right now. I wake up super anxious, dry heaving, etc. and it takes a few hours to calm down. Even when I eat, it goes right through me. (TMI, I know).

Having lunch with my supervisor tomorrow. I swear Panera Bread is going to know me by the and of all of this!