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  1. #1
    A$AP Blackflgst blackflgst's Avatar
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    lol @ people depicting Santa Claus as fat

    Santa is really jacked as fuk srs.

    Why would he have magical powers and choose to be obese?
    In reality Santa is 6'3 270lbs at 5% BF.
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  2. #2
    Registered User cmml's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by blackflgst View Post
    Santa is really jacked as fuk srs.

    Why would he have magical powers and choose to be obese?
    In reality Santa is 6'3 270lbs at 5% BF.
    Santa Claus may have magical powers but I don't give a fuk how magical you are, eating hundreds of cookies + milk a night cannot keep you lean. Also his wife bakes **** all the time so he doesn't go through withdrawals throughout the year..
    FU cancer
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  3. #3
    We're all gona make it hbhorat's Avatar
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    only on the misc, where we guestimate the muscle mass and height of santa.




















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    Santa symbolises the typical nice guy father figure who offers gifts to children that are not his due to female deception and cucking their husbands
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    User who's Registered 2thTEE82's Avatar
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    Jacked people aren't really seen as jolly or approachable...


    ...now fat and rosy red cheeks on the other hand... fuk yea I'll come sit on your fukking lap!
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  6. #6
    A$AP Blackflgst blackflgst's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cmml View Post
    Santa Claus may have magical powers but I don't give a fuk how magical you are, eating hundreds of cookies + milk a night cannot keep you lean. Also his wife bakes **** all the time so he doesn't go through withdrawals throughout the year..
    It's his cheat day brah. Santa is in contest ready mode the rest of the year. His elves can make all the toys within a couple days. Meanwhile, he's at the gym training like a god.
    "I done wrestled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale; handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail; only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalized a brick; I'm so mean I make medicine sick." Muhammad Ali - RIP Champ.

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  7. #7
    Registered User solidus2k3's Avatar
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    in for santa gains
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  8. #8
    A$AP Blackflgst blackflgst's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2thTEE82 View Post
    Jacked people aren't really seen as jolly or approachable...


    ...now fat and rosy red cheeks on the other hand... fuk yea I'll come sit on your fukking lap!
    I beg to differ brah. A jacked Santa would scare the naughty kids, because lettuce be cereal, would you really want to piss off someone who warms up with 315 on flat bench?
    "I done wrestled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale; handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail; only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalized a brick; I'm so mean I make medicine sick." Muhammad Ali - RIP Champ.

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  9. #9
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    saint nicholas on the off-season.
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    Registered User & Abuser Magnumtripod's Avatar
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    He's got the body of any real strength trainer. Underneath all that fat is layers of lean mass. Not only can he deadlift that huge bag of toys, but throw all our mom's in and he's setting new PRs every Christmas while we're all alseep
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  12. #12
    Registered User tgdv's Avatar
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    doesn't santa basically hibernate all year except one night where he binges on cookies and milk?
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  13. #13
    Rookie of the year OaklandCali's Avatar
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  14. #14
    Registered User GuljinManbirg's Avatar
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    They say all myths are based on truth, and the myth of Santa Claus is no different. Unfortunately, the story that we have been told about Santa is a lie. We have been kept from the TRUTH behind Santa Claus. If you think you can handle the truth, continue reading:

    I have reason to believe that Santa Claus was real, and that he was a magical alien from beyond the stars and dimensions. Before you dismiss this immediately as BS, be sure to continue reading below. Keep your mind open. Question everything.

    Santa Claus in Ancient Times

    The existence of Santa Claus dates back to ancient times, where he was originally known as Saint-Nicholas. Ancient wall-carvings in Nine Mile Canyon of Utah, depict a man traveling across the sky with a herd of reindeer.



    So who or what exactly was Saint-Nicholas? where did he come from? what did he do? and why did he do it?

    The TRUE History of Saint-Nicholas (Santa Claus)

    Saint-Nicholas was a humanoid alien from the coldest planet in our solar system, Pluto. The inhabitants of Pluto (Pultonians) closely resembled human beings of earth, suggesting that we have common ancestors. Having achieved a high level of consciousness, the "Plutonians" were very peaceful and spiritual; they possessed all knowledge of the universe and were able to travel to higher dimensional planes. They mostly operated on the 5th to 6th dimensions. Their physical bodies had a substantial amount of body-fat and body hair--especially facial hair, in order to keep them warm on the cold planet.



    A long time ago, the environment and celestial structure of Pluto was quickly deteriorating due to a pole shift. Pluto was quickly turning into a Dwarf Planet, which meant it would no longer be able to sustain life, including inter-dimensional entities such as the Plutonians.

    Being the only survivor of Pluto's natural disasters, Saint-Nicholas quickly assembled a herd of flying magical reindeer, tied them to a sleigh and departed Pluto to search for a new home. Saint-Nicholas eventually landed on Earth, which back then, consisted of early civilizations and societies. Being accustomed to extremely cold temperatures, Saint-Nicholas secluded himself in the North Pole, where he became friends with the local Eskimos, who would in the future, work as his "Helping Elves"...

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  15. #15
    Stats: Not tall mada41's Avatar
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    1.9 Billion kids in the world.
    1 Chocolate Chip Cookie: 488 calories
    1 Cup 1% Milk: 103 calories

    At 1 cookie/milk per child that's 1,122,900,000,000 calories. Ain't no way Santa's staying lean with a cheat day in the trillions.
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  16. #16
    Banned Ultimarok's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mada41 View Post
    1.9 Billion kids in the world.
    1 Chocolate Chip Cookie: 488 calories
    1 Cup 1% Milk: 103 calories

    At 1 cookie/milk per child that's 1,122,900,000,000 calories. Ain't no way Santa's staying lean with a cheat day in the trillions.
    Goddamn, wow.
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  17. #17
    Registered User & Abuser Magnumtripod's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mada41 View Post
    1.9 Billion kids in the world.
    1 Chocolate Chip Cookie: 488 calories
    1 Cup 1% Milk: 103 calories

    At 1 cookie/milk per child that's 1,122,900,000,000 calories. Ain't no way Santa's staying lean with a cheat day in the trillions.
    But he's powercleaning trillions of pounds of gifts between each cookie. Wouldn't the calories burnt offset the calories from the cookies and milk?
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  18. #18
    A$AP Blackflgst blackflgst's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Magnumtripod View Post
    But he's powercleaning trillions of pounds of gifts between each cookie. Wouldn't the calories burnt offset the calories from the cookies and milk?
    This man gets it.
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  19. #19
    Banned DULIFTER's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mada41 View Post
    1.9 Billion kids in the world.
    1 Chocolate Chip Cookie: 488 calories
    1 Cup 1% Milk: 103 calories

    At 1 cookie/milk per child that's 1,122,900,000,000 calories. Ain't no way Santa's staying lean with a cheat day in the trillions.
    a 488 cal cookie? that's a big cookie brah
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  20. #20
    Make Canada Great Again Psyllius's Avatar
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    He gots to be lean.

    How else is he gonna go down a Chimney?
    They don't want you to win.

    Common sense Crew.
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