Girlfriend of 5+ Years Dumped Me

[trwilli24]

I hate to be brutal, but she seems at peace with it because she was over it by the time she did you in

[MSUSpartan1]

I hate to be brutal, but she seems at peace with it because she was over it by the time she did you in

Yep, she was. Oh well. She never cared that much for me anyways if she had that little respect for me to do something through the phone like that.

[DouLou]

Yep, she was. Oh well. She never cared that much for me anyways if she had that little respect for me to do something through the phone like that.

Yeah he's right, she probably had this in her head for ages. It may seem like she just switched a flip and thought "Fuk him" but chances are it's been on her mind for at least a few weeks.

The fact that she never talked about things with you shows that she is actually very immature and doesn't know how to deal with her emotions, she may not even know what she wants. Honestly you are so much better off without her.... She didn't even have the common decency to talk to you face to face. Huge red flag when you think about what type of wife she would make.

[trwilli24]

Yep, she was. Oh well. She never cared that much for me anyways if she had that little respect for me to do something through the phone like that.

I'm sure she did at one time, she just didn't at the end.

[MSUSpartan1]

Yeah he's right, she probably had this in her head for ages. It may seem like she just switched a flip and thought "Fuk him" but chances are it's been on her mind for at least a few weeks.

The fact that she never talked about things with you shows that she is actually very immature and doesn't know how to deal with her emotions, she may not even know what she wants. Honestly you are so much better off without her.... She didn't even have the common decency to talk to you face to face. Huge red flag when you think about what type of wife she would make.

I don't think she does know what she wants.

The part that bothers me the most is how I am losing sleep, and being sad over someone who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She's at peace, and fine, and not even sad, and I am moping over someone that feels that way about me? It's tough. I'm good and don't let it bother me for an hour, then I sink back into depression an hour later.

[MSUSpartan1]

Haha I sound crazy, but I took pictures of the texts she sent her friends. They were pretty heartless, and it hurt, but I'm hoping it turns into motivation to make me forget her.

[matt1101]

I don't think she does know what she wants.

The part that bothers me the most is how I am losing sleep, and being sad over someone who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She's at peace, and fine, and not even sad, and I am moping over someone that feels that way about me? It's tough. I'm good and don't let it bother me for an hour, then I sink back into depression an hour later.

Use this is an opportunity to figure out what you want in a girl going forward instead of obsessing over one that disregarded you in every way.

The only reason she might contact you is if a) you go no contact b) hears you're out with a girl but do not cave! She will only be contacting you in order to show she controls you, not because she wants you.

It takes time, but just gotta move on. Try to keep yourself busy, if you can. Don't just go out partying though, because honestly you aren't ready yet I would guess. I made that mistake over a girl once and I broke no contact and she controlled me again for another month.

[Bettabez]

I don't think she does know what she wants.

The part that bothers me the most is how I am losing sleep, and being sad over someone who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She's at peace, and fine, and not even sad, and I am moping over someone that feels that way about me? It's tough. I'm good and don't let it bother me for an hour, then I sink back into depression an hour later.

Bro right now this seems like the end of the world, I'm sure. But trust me when I say that in 6-12 mo you'll look back & be thankful that this went down. Your ex is a bitch, childish, and was likely cheating on you. If you focus on self-improvement for a while she'll come crawling back in 2-3 months and you'll feel great when you tell her to kick rocks.

[StevethePilot]

Don't know if repost but joe points out some good stuff. Later on you need to view it as a positive. You can't keep mementos of how much a bitch she was. Take the good things you learned from her and the relationship and move on in life.

[trwilli24]

Haha I sound crazy, but I took pictures of the texts she sent her friends. They were pretty heartless, and it hurt, but I'm hoping it turns into motivation to make me forget her.

it should man, you going to get all butthurt over a girl that doesn't give a crap about you? fvk that noise, you got her, go get another one. there's no shortage of hot chicks out there, I can assure you.

[MSUSpartan1]

Bro right now this seems like the end of the world, I'm sure. But trust me when I say that in 6-12 mo you'll look back & be thankful that this went down. Your ex is a bitch, childish, and was likely cheating on you. If you focus on self-improvement for a while she'll come crawling back in 2-3 months and you'll feel great when you tell her to kick rocks.

All the advice from you guys is much appreciated. I'm just ready to feel the same way about her that she feels about me. I'm gonna focus all on me though for the next couple months, and yeah it will definitely be great when I can tell her to kick rocks, and that I'm over her.

[DouLou]

I don't think she does know what she wants.

The part that bothers me the most is how I am losing sleep, and being sad over someone who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She's at peace, and fine, and not even sad, and I am moping over someone that feels that way about me? It's tough. I'm good and don't let it bother me for an hour, then I sink back into depression an hour later.

100% completely normal dude, you're being logical but emotions > logic at this stage. You're gonna go up and down feeling fine then feeling chitty. Over time the emotions will fade and your logical side will take over again and you'll be in a good place. At this point it's best to stay strong... the worst thing you can do is show weakness to her, texting her and such won't get her back. What will help later on is when you're over her and you can look back saying you retained your pride and dignity and didn't let her see how chitty you was feeling. Don't sweat it if you've already sent some texts, just don't send any more.

[MSUSpartan1]

100% completely normal dude, you're being logical but emotions > logic at this stage. You're gonna go up and down feeling fine then feeling chitty. Over time the emotions will fade and your logical side will take over again and you'll be in a good place. At this point it's best to stay strong... the worst thing you can do is show weakness to her, texting her and such won't get her back. What will help later on is when you're over her and you can look back saying you retained your pride and dignity and didn't let her see how chitty you was feeling. Don't sweat it if you've already sent some texts, just don't send any more.

I just hope it doesn't take me to get over her, and be happy again.

Just read an article that said it takes about half as long as the relationship was to get full over someone. That would been over 2.5 years.

I just need to get through the next 2 weeks. I keep just wanting to text her why? But I know that will do nothing, and just make it worse. This sucks.

I sound so dramatic, but I just don't think I will ever be able to be in a serious relationship, and be like I was in this one ever again. I feel scarred, and don't want to have to feel this rejected again.

[moto311]

My girlfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago after 5+ years as well. The best advice I can give anyone that was in my shoes or yours is to go NC, she will text you, call you or try to get a hold but keep working on yourself. She made it clear she didn't want to be with you, when someone gives you nothing to grab onto, you just have to let go brah... The first month was hell, I got no sleep, didn't leave my room just sat around depressed. Then I woke up one day and told myself wtf was I doing with myself to let someone drag me down so low started hitting the gym hard as hell, got back into football, hit up old friends to hangout and now 4 months later I'm slowly back to myself. Still in no shape to be in a relationship or want one, but you will look back in a few months and go damn, she did me a favor. Now anytime I get sad which is maybe once a week or so I'll come on here and read the relationship help to relate with people. What your going through is normal and your only enemy is yourself

[bikes4u]

OP---The RH section is full of stories just like your. One day good, next day gone. I went through it about 3 months ago after 3.5yr relationship.

This is not gonna be easy for you Bro, you cared for her and were committed.

You must keep your mind busy! Get outside and walk, fish, basketball, whatever, just get outside. Go to the gym and lift hard. Let this be your motivator for rededicating yourself to taking care of you. Get back in touch with friends and family and go visit them.

Minutes are gonna feel like hours, hours days, days weeks. Its gonna be a struggle. Knowing what your facing will help you.

There is no sense texting or contacting her, she's done. Not your choice. forget about that option. Your going to get feels that you need to text her or call her. What are you gonna do when you do? You need to come up with a plan.

Apparently your relationship had a huge problem of communication. As time goes on you will realize that neither she or your relationship was perfect and start to point out flaws. She wasn't dedicated Bro, if she was she would have talked it out. Seems like she's entered a stage of wanting to get away and who knows what. Let her go and be happy with her decision, she'll find out quick enough that its not all happy times out there. She's prob partying with jealous friends now that love the fact she's free.

You need to enjoy your new freedom! This is one thing that really helped me out. I'm free to do whatever the hell I want to do at whatever time I want to. I go to the gym at 10pm and nobody is gonna tell me different. I go out to the bar whenever I feel like it, go for all day hikes or bike rides. You don't need to ask or check in with anyone now, just do it! Have a good time!

As for other women---its gonna be a while before you feel like dating again but you can flirt and communicate with whoever you want and now is the time to get some practice for when you feel like getting back into the dating world.

This is not the end of the world Bro. Its easy to get down/depressed but you have to continue your life and do the best you can at school/work, your life.

Good luck Bro! You're gonna make it!

[MSUSpartan1]

My girlfriend and I broke up about 4 months ago after 5+ years as well. The best advice I can give anyone that was in my shoes or yours is to go NC, she will text you, call you or try to get a hold but keep working on yourself. She made it clear she didn't want to be with you, when someone gives you nothing to grab onto, you just have to let go brah... The first month was hell, I got no sleep, didn't leave my room just sat around depressed. Then I woke up one day and told myself wtf was I doing with myself to let someone drag me down so low started hitting the gym hard as hell, got back into football, hit up old friends to hangout and now 4 months later I'm slowly back to myself. Still in no shape to be in a relationship or want one, but you will look back in a few months and go damn, she did me a favor. Now anytime I get sad which is maybe once a week or so I'll come on here and read the relationship help to relate with people. What your going through is normal and your only enemy is yourself

Have you ever caved in and texted her back, or answered her calls?

Good advice though. I feel so alone, and like a big baby, but knowing many other people go through this as well tells me I need to just suck it up, and get through it the best I can.

I've slept about 30 minutes the last 2 days, and don't ever feel tired at all. That can'tbe very healthy.

That's good to know that you are starting to get over her though, and realize she did you a favor.

[MSUSpartan1]

OP---The RH section is full of stories just like your. One day good, next day gone. I went through it about 3 months ago after 3.5yr relationship.

This is not gonna be easy for you Bro, you cared for her and were committed.

You must keep your mind busy! Get outside and walk, fish, basketball, whatever, just get outside. Go to the gym and lift hard. Let this be your motivator for rededicating yourself to taking care of you. Get back in touch with friends and family and go visit them.

Minutes are gonna feel like hours, hours days, days weeks. Its gonna be a struggle. Knowing what your facing will help you.

There is no sense texting or contacting her, she's done. Not your choice. forget about that option. Your going to get feels that you need to text her or call her. What are you gonna do when you do? You need to come up with a plan.

Apparently your relationship had a huge problem of communication. As time goes on you will realize that neither she or your relationship was perfect and start to point out flaws. She wasn't dedicated Bro, if she was she would have talked it out. Seems like she's entered a stage of wanting to get away and who knows what. Let her go and be happy with her decision, she'll find out quick enough that its not all happy times out there. She's prob partying with jealous friends now that love the fact she's free.

You need to enjoy your new freedom! This is one thing that really helped me out. I'm free to do whatever the hell I want to do at whatever time I want to. I go to the gym at 10pm and nobody is gonna tell me different. I go out to the bar whenever I feel like it, go for all day hikes or bike rides. You don't need to ask or check in with anyone now, just do it! Have a good time!

As for other women---its gonna be a while before you feel like dating again but you can flirt and communicate with whoever you want and now is the time to get some practice for when you feel like getting back into the dating world.

This is not the end of the world Bro. Its easy to get down/depressed but you have to continue your life and do the best you can at school/work, your life.

Good luck Bro! You're gonna make it!

Thanks for the support dude it means a lot. Great advice. I am just going to try and stay as busy as possible.

That is a great question you ask about what I'm gonna do when I want to text/call her. I've been thinking about it for the last couple hours, and need to come up with a good plan, because I know over the next couple weeks, I'm gonna be as tough as I can, but at times I will be weak, and want to cave in.

I know I will definitely want to do it if I drink, so I am going to try, and drink as little as possible for the time being most likely.

[zildjian_4]

yikes...rough that she was amused by it. Bro, thats not love, or respect. You deserve better(I assume)

[JimmyRustler22]

If she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, remind yourself of all the pain she caused you, if you dont want that again you cannot respond.

[MSUSpartan1]

If she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, remind yourself of all the pain she caused you, if you dont want that again you cannot respond.

I don't think she will contact me so that probably won't matter. You're right though, I'm not gonna respond. Not worth what I feel now, and I will always resent her even if she did want me back at some point which seems unlikely.

[Mr Beer]

I don't think she will contact me so that probably won't matter. You're right though, I'm not gonna respond. Not worth what I feel now, and I will always resent her even if she did want me back at some point which seems unlikely.

There's a pretty good chance she will hit you up within the next year, it will be whenever the current guy she's phucking (probably started before she dumped you) moves on and she feels all sad and in need of validation. Stay strong and NC...

[vvvaaa]

I'm gonna just repeat what a few other guys have said so OP starts to believe it:

- Go NC. Be a man and do it. Only thing to do.
- She has cheated on you. 99% sure.
- She has feels of some sort for someone else.
- She has been doing it for a while.
- Go NC and watch her crawl back in a bit of time.
- Never break NC.

Anytime you feel like talking to her just remember that text "I'm getting ready to dump him LOL"

Chit would make my blood boil.

[Mr Beer]

I'm gonna just repeat what a few other guys have said so OP starts to believe it:

- Go NC. Be a man and do it. Only thing to do.
- She has cheated on you. 99% sure.
- She has feels of some sort for someone else.
- She has been doing it for a while.
- Go NC and watch her crawl back in a bit of time.
- Never break NC.

Anytime you feel like talking to her just remember that text "I'm getting ready to dump him LOL"

Chit would make my blood boil.

Yep when she texts be like "LOL hey guess what bro, that whore thinks I'm gonna take her back!". "LOL oh sorry wrong person LOL".

But really, just don't respond.

[finah09]

Been there OP. Albeit a bit longer relationship that ended....just over 10 yrs.



Not a whole lot to add that hasn't all ready been said.


Likely that there is someone else and has been for awhile......



You can relish in the fact that whoever it's with.......will fail. 95% never make it past 2 years.



Less than 1% make it past 5 years.



100% chance that when she does poke her head back in....and they always do....you will want nothing to do with her and likely will all ready have someone infinitely better suited for you.



And when she realize the door is shut permanently.......100% it will be followed by depression and slooting.




It's called limbo.


You see it in LTR and marriages when there is an affair present.



You can't outrun the mourning of a relationship.......no matter how much you try and monkey branch........those that try end up in very dysfunctional relationships, also perhaps not depressed in a clinical fashion, but an overall unhappiness and unsatisfactory life......


It's easy to spot......these are the people that relationship hop every few years and it's always b/c "they weren't the right one for them" and "the next guy is the one"



Watch the movie.....Take this Waltz.....might hit close to home.........but the message is there.

[dweeegs]

Have you ever caved in and texted her back, or answered her calls?

Good advice though. I feel so alone, and like a big baby, but knowing many other people go through this as well tells me I need to just suck it up, and get through it the best I can.

I've slept about 30 minutes the last 2 days, and don't ever feel tired at all. That can'tbe very healthy.

That's good to know that you are starting to get over her though, and realize she did you a favor.

30 minutes in 2 days? That's better than what I got in college!

But seriously, no sleep is normal. You're probably having trouble eating or overeating, was the former for me. Don't worry about the no sleep. Took me about 5 days to get it back. I don't like using medication for sleeping but Zzquil might not be a bad pick up.

Just keep planning things and stay busy, it will pass without you even realizing it. It's a marathon and you just have to stay the course.

[Luus]

Oh trust me I have told her that many times. We do have fights as in all relationships, but what I mean is that none of them are big. We may have a 30 second fight on what to watch on TV, or stupid stuff like that. We didn't have very many serious fights at all. We have had none recently.

That's the part I'm having such a tough time dealing with. Girl I was in love with for 5 years, and I thought she was the same, and it ends like this. The funny thing is I use to feel like relationships were dumb too, and never wanted to have one in college, but she just seemed special to me, and I feel really stupid for thinking that because truth was she wasn't if she can hurt me like this.

I will just never understand how someone cal tell you they love you and that you are their best friend for 5 years, and plan on seeing you one day, and then nothing happens and they just decide to end things through text message Lol.

Obviously she has dealed with her own feelings about this breakup a long time ago. It's not like women are like a switch and decide they are not your best friend or lover anymore the next day. Just like men, they need time to get over it. She should have broken up with you when she first noticed doubts or needed a break. Some men do monkeybranch as well.

[misterMaster]

I know that my situation is maybe a bit different to yours but recently I broke up with my gf because she was abusive and basically had no respect for my feelings and thoughts...just trying to push through her own will...I loved and maybe still love her but I had to accept that she was just this person who acted a certain way...

BUT hang in there...for me its been one week of NC and I feel so much better been hanging out with my friends a lot more, got myself a new job, caught up with some uni work, made good progress in the gym, got to clean my entire appartment (+removing things that would remind me of her)....cant complain.

only thing is that talking t other girls still feels awkward (last time I did that was 2.5 years ago...lot changed and I lost my game ) but I'm sure this will all come back with time... just hang in there do some things you always wanted to do!

[MSUSpartan1]

Been there OP. Albeit a bit longer relationship that ended....just over 10 yrs.



Not a whole lot to add that hasn't all ready been said.


Likely that there is someone else and has been for awhile......



You can relish in the fact that whoever it's with.......will fail. 95% never make it past 2 years.



Less than 1% make it past 5 years.



100% chance that when she does poke her head back in....and they always do....you will want nothing to do with her and likely will all ready have someone infinitely better suited for you.



And when she realize the door is shut permanently.......100% it will be followed by depression and slooting.




It's called limbo.


You see it in LTR and marriages when there is an affair present.



You can't outrun the mourning of a relationship.......no matter how much you try and monkey branch........those that try end up in very dysfunctional relationships, also perhaps not depressed in a clinical fashion, but an overall unhappiness and unsatisfactory life......


It's easy to spot......these are the people that relationship hop every few years and it's always b/c "they weren't the right one for them" and "the next guy is the one"



Watch the movie.....Take this Waltz.....might hit close to home.........but the message is there.

I will check out that movie. I thought 5 years was really long, but 10 years must have been really weird with NC at first.

[MSUSpartan1]

[QUOTE=misterMaster;1261972441]I know that my situation is maybe a bit different to yours but recently I broke up with my gf because she was abusive and basically had no respect for my feelings and thoughts...just trying to push through her own will...I loved and maybe still love her but I had to accept that she was just this person who acted a certain way...

BUT hang in there...for me its been one week of NC and I feel so much better been hanging out with my friends a lot more, got myself a new job, caught up with some uni work, made good progress in the gym, got to clean my entire appartment (+removing things that would remind me of her)....cant complain.

only thing is that talking t other girls still feels awkward (last time I did that was 2.5 years ago...lot changed and I lost my game ) but I'm sure this will all come back with time... just hang in there do some things you always wanted to do![/QUOTE

Yeah, it will be weird talking to another girl. Haven't done it in almost 5.5 years Lol.

[GhostRider111]

OP fellow Spartan here as well.

Five years ago my gf of 5 years and I broke up. It is what she wanted. I had even moved across the country 2 years earlier with her when she got a new job. I could move because I daytrade stocks on a computer for myself and had no job ties in MI. And yep I was depressed, angry, didn't want to eat, no sleep, felt like a knife in my gut all the time. Horrible feeling. And then you know what happened?

I met my now wife, literally two weeks after the break up. As soon as I met her, I knew. Just knew. And it has been great ever since. The way I feel about her, and the way she feels about me, is nothing, NOTHING like what I had with my previous ex. Or any ex. Right now you are missing the habit of being with her. The comfort of knowing she was always there for you. I think if you look at the relationship, from what you described neither one of you were probably TRULY happy. Believe me, when two people find each other and they really are happy? Breaking up, going on breaks, moving away, being apart, is not even an option. As time goes by your addiction to her will fade and you will come to realize this.

Plus, you sound young. You will probably have many more fails in relationships as you get older and this will be but a blip on the radar. I know it seems hard right now, but trust me, this will pass and you will be thankful it did.

Good luck.