gf feels i need to move out from parents place, I'm saving for a mortgage

[mrsnruB1111]

Sorry, but this is a potato post. I expected more from you, brah.

No it isn't. Life is done by increments. You gain a little here, you gain a little there....move up a bit here, move up a bit here. If you expect to just move from zero to 60 in one leap you miss out on all the experiences that normal people go through

A lot of people grow in their relationships and figure out if they can actually live together by renting a small apartment together. If she lives somewhere and OP just sits at mom n pop's then he doesn't learn how to be an adult. He will be thrown into the mess 5 years down the line with no experience. How can you learn to do the groceries for yourself on a budget or how to handle a small fight with your partner when the roof has a leak and you have to figure out that ****?

Obviously, OP, if owning your own place is your goal and your heart is set on it, then you need to express that to your gf. If she is the right one for your she will understand. But the fact that you're living at home while she's independent and learning how to look after herself is a serious con which needs to be understood. If you are obstinate and refuse to acknowledge this then she won't listen to you and think you're a jackass....but if you do acknowledge it and explain to her that home ownership is more important DESPITE those very real drawbacks then maybe she will listen

[silentBobnotts]

In situations like this OP, concerning your life, you should ALWAYS put yourself first.

Without a more detailed story I can't really tell what she wants but it does seem like she wants to spend more time with you so why hasn't she asked you to live with her?
The whole 'grow up' thing is obviously just because you're an adult still living with your parents but at the end of the day your life will be much much better in the long run if you wait and save your cash to get yourself a house. You don't need to live somewhere chit and throw tons of cash at it for rent and other bills to make it even longer before you get your proper house.

I'm still young and living with parents and lots of my friends live on their own with their girlfriends and kids and they have ALL said the same thing to me. Pretty much something along these lines - 'I wish I stayed at home with my parents and saved up a fuk load more money before I moved out' 'Don't have kids or get a mrs until you can afford it' lol.

Fuk your woman, put yourself first and do the logical thing, don't make such a big life decision that's based on another person that you might not even be with in the long run.

[Shardbearer]

That IS the case and from what I've come to realize is that she wants more.



I'm 24, she's 27

Fair enough. So why aren't you spending more time sleeping over at hers then if she has her own place? Makes no sense to me.

[jpmpdt]

Do you seriously only hangout with her on the weekend and a movie night on one weeknight? Cause if you do I can see where she's coming from, that's not really a proper relationship is it? Assuming you're 21+

2-3 nights/week is fine for a relationship without a long-term commitment like engagement or marriage. I'm guessing you're one of those clingy *******s who NEEDS to spend a lot of time with his GFs. News flash, there are things outside of a relationship that are also important.

Negged.

[SquallFF8]

Wtf is she being so pushy for? You have a legit course of action that you're working towards, keep at it. There's nothing wrong with living with the folks, so long as your productive.

Sounds like she just wants you to conform to the idea of a "grown man" that she has in her head with no regard to what that actually means besides some bullchit image.

Tell her she needs to check herself before she wriggity wrecks herself.

I'd guess because OP probably lets her walk all over him daily, so her pushing for this is nothing unusual.

[Mav3535]

I'm 24, she's 27

I'm tellin you bro, she's having pressure put on her by her friends and her hormones. Chicks at that age start to get nuts about the "home life" thing. And in your case, a lot of people live at home until they're 25. People say that they don't but trust me, a lot of them do. A lot of failed attempts at first to live out on their own because it's pretty hard (pay bills, do all of your own chit, etc.).

[ashin1]

But who was university?

[YoungBuilder315]

she told me I need to "grow up"

Tell her to kick rocks and go fuk herself. Strong respect for you. If she really gave a **** she would support you with whatever decision you decide to make. Live at home, keep rolling in cash, get your own place when you're COMFORTABLE. Don't have someone else dictate your life. Fuk that.


Edit: believe it or not^^ some people can get through life without going to uni -.-

[hockeybpr25]

How old are you OP? I just moved out of my parents house at 23 and I couldn't be happier. I'm paying rent, I'm not saving as much as I was living there but my situation at home sucked because of my mother's "house rules" and dealing with my 9 year old autistic brother. Living at home and saving money is great, especially if you have it made at home. However, living on your own (in my case with my girlfriend) is awesome. Just follow a budget if you move out and spend less on stupid stuff, assuming you do that now.

[kingback]

Where are you considering buying? Vancouver real estate expensive as fukk

[Bassackwards]

Bro, fukc that bitch. Seriously.

You're saving up for a legit purchase. It's not up to her to determine when you're ready or how much money she thinks you should have before you move out. If you don't feel ready, don't leave yet. This is a HUGE decision and should be looked at that way.

Sounds like she's trying to push it so she can come over all the time and sh** like that. You live with your 'rents right now, so that can't happen.

Tell her she can either help you with the money you're short, or shut the fukc up. Bottom line.

black jesus has spoken, listen to his gospel

she is using her woman logic, so she doesnt understand the long term benefits of you staying at your parents to save for a house. she's also presuring you into something you dont want to do. dump and her and continue with you plan to prosperity.

[BoomPowSurprise]

In situations like this OP, concerning your life, you should ALWAYS put yourself first.

Without a more detailed story I can't really tell what she wants but it does seem like she wants to spend more time with you so why hasn't she asked you to live with her?
The whole 'grow up' thing is obviously just because you're an adult still living with your parents but at the end of the day your life will be much much better in the long run if you wait and save your cash to get yourself a house. You don't need to live somewhere chit and throw tons of cash at it for rent and other bills to make it even longer before you get your proper house.

I'm still young and living with parents and lots of my friends live on their own with their girlfriends and kids and they have ALL said the same thing to me. Pretty much something along these lines - 'I wish I stayed at home with my parents and saved up a fuk load more money before I moved out' 'Don't have kids or get a mrs until you can afford it' lol.

Fuk your woman, put yourself first and do the logical thing, don't make such a big life decision that's based on another person that you might not even be with in the long run.

Many women I've met (her included) have said that they want someone to have at least lived by themselves at some point in their life before moving in together so the person (as an individual) can figure out their own personal schedule with their own free time without the disruption and needs of parents

[RudeKong]

Move out when you're ready to move out OP. Nothing makes you feel more like shyt than having to move back in with your parents because you didn't make it the first time. Especially if your parents are going to give you free cash to help with the down payment! Kidding me? No bish is worth risking your financial security. Unless she can provide the financial security that is. Use your brain not your dik. Scary to lose a girl but its even more scary to not live comfortably. If she leaves because of this then guess what? she wasn't going to stick by your side through thick or thin in the first place. Plenty of quality girls out there OP, trust me.

[VictorJustice]

lol @ wanting to stay at home until you're 27. 24 already is on the edge of pathetic.

[Num3n]

Fuk her. Save up at home

[chrsschb]

Tell her, I think you're pushing me to make a decision that isn't exactly an easy one. Home ownership is a big step. You're renting, so you can easily pack up and move if something isn't right. I'll be stuck with a house for 15/30 years and it's all on me. That isn't exactly a jump right into type of thing. I have my head on straight, I'm doing the right things and I care about you, but I'm not willing to take on something I'm not ready for. As my woman, you're supposed to support my decision, not force it. I know you want the time to come over and be alone with me at my place and it's going to happen, but not at the expense of putting myself in a hole in the process. You have to understand that."

That's what I would say.

This

This OP. I'd get rid of the "As a woman.." line though and replace it with, "if you love me, you'll support this decision for my well-being and then ultimately our well being in the future and it will make us stronger"

No. "As my woman" enforces that she is his woman and he is her man. He expects her to support, not demands it. Your proposed change is technically an ultimatum, "if you love me you'll do what I say." I promise you if he says that she'll blank out everything else and focus on that one phrase and it'll create a massive argument because he is questioning her intent and her love.

We don't call him Black Jesus for nothing.

[SoCaliBrah]

To offer a different opinion I understand where's she's coming from. She's 27, she doesn't want to be dating a guy who lives with his parents. There's nothing wrong with living with your folks at that age but if I was 27 I wouldn't want a girl who was living at home either. Also I kinda agree with the guy who said its smart to rent before straight buying home. I don't know your financial situation but I'm assuming you aren't throwing down a ton of cash so that plus having zero renting history i would assume your going to get a really high mortgage.

Like others have asked why can't you just spend more time at her apt or move in there while you save?

[mrsnruB1111]

Like others have asked why can't you just spend more time at her apt or move in there while you save?

That would be the best option. Move in with chick, and split the rent. 400-500 a month will still allow you to save for your house....

[RedSoxfan1978]

Bro, fukc that bitch. Seriously.

You're saving up for a legit purchase. It's not up to her to determine when you're ready or how much money she thinks you should have before you move out. If you don't feel ready, don't leave yet. This is a HUGE decision and should be looked at that way.

Sounds like she's trying to push it so she can come over all the time and sh** like that. You live with your 'rents right now, so that can't happen.

Tell her she can either help you with the money you're short, or shut the fukc up. Bottom line.

THISx1000

[chrsschb]

To offer a different opinion I understand where's she's coming from. She's 27, she doesn't want to be dating a guy who lives with his parents. There's nothing wrong with living with your folks at that age but if I was 27 I wouldn't want a girl who was living at home either. Also I kinda agree with the guy who said its smart to rent before straight buying home. I don't know your financial situation but I'm assuming you aren't throwing down a ton of cash so that plus having zero renting history i would assume your going to get a really high mortgage.

Like others have asked why can't you just spend more time at her apt or move in there while you save?

Nothing wrong with going straight to a mortgage. If this broad doesn't like his game plan she needs to fukkin bounce.


Edit: If you WANT TO (and she's cool with it), move in with her. If she's demanding a rental history then clearly she's not fully committed to this relationship and because of that I think she has a hidden agenda of dumping her place and moving into yours.

[HeeHee23]

Sorta in the same position as you OP. Girlfriend hasn't pressured me or anything but lots of our couple friends are moving in and chit and she sends me hints about it. I tell that trick I plan to stay home as long as possibru.

[Maverick77]

I would do you, realizing that you are 24 and this relationship is probably not going to last.

Having said that, I completely understand where the girl is coming from. She is living her own life, with her own bills to pay and you still live with your parents. No matter what you say, she's going to have lost respect for you. Its embarrassing for her to tell her friends that you live with your parents. Again it doesn't matter if you are saving money to buy a house, its just how it is. Having said that successful relationships work when both parties are in a stable secure place. Keep that in mind.

I've dated girls that lived with their parents and it was a huge turnoff and only caused issues.

[Bassackwards]

Many women I've met (her included) have said that they want someone to have at least lived by themselves at some point in their life before moving in together so the person (as an individual) can figure out their own personal schedule with their own free time without the disruption and needs of parents

independence is over rated. too many people are quick to be independent without thoroughly thinking things through, jumping into it, only to be in debt, and/or move back in with the rents. you have a reason why you are still with your parents, to get a house. that is an admirable goal. why doesnt she have a house? why is she content on wasting her money on renting? if she cant understand your goals of ownership, dump her. she seems like the domineering, bitchy type

[DLM012]

I'd keep saving.

Brb move out into an apartment
Brb waste money on rent for a few years
Brb you guys end it
Brb you wasted money and time that could have been saved towards a house

A woman would see wisdom in what you're doing. Sounds like you're dating a girl brah. Just imagine what it'll be like years from now if you wife her. She'll encourage you to make irresponsible/short sighted decisions then too. This situation right now is a test of her character and she's failing imo. Any girl that would pressure/rush me to do things can see herself out srs. Don't have time for that.

inb4 age

[Fozzy13]

If she has her own place, why would it matter if you have ur own place or not?
Unless you live completely far away,, it shouldnt really affect your relationship if you have ur own place or not....essentially it just becomes a place for you to sleep.

How is spending your free time at her place going to impact the relationship over spending all that time at your place or split?

It just doesnt make sense logically.

Unless she is looking to move in together, in which case why wouldnt she just suggest getting a place together or move in with her which would be a lot cheaper than getting your own place.


Also, what do u do where you can buy a house @ 24-25?

[ugottabjoshinme]

Move in with her and split rent?

[VictorJustice]

Never immediately move in with a girl without ever having lived on your own.

[chrsschb]

If she has her own place, why would it matter if you have ur own place or not?
Unless you live completely far away,, it shouldnt really affect your relationship if you have ur own place or not....essentially it just becomes a place for you to sleep.

How is spending your free time at her place going to impact the relationship over spending all that time at your place or split?

It just doesnt make sense logically.

Unless she is looking to move in together, in which case why wouldnt she just suggest getting a place together or move in with her which would be a lot cheaper than getting your own place.


Also, what do u do where you can buy a house @ 24-25?

Not everyone lives in NYC or LA/SanFran where the housing median cost is $1M. I've been able to afford a house since I was 21/22 on my military pay check but chose not to because I didn't want to set roots in Alabama.

[SuperTrooper14]

she seems really selfish. time to move on

[Fozzy13]

Not everyone lives in NYC or LA/SanFran where the housing median cost is $1M. I've been able to afford a house since I was 21/22 on my military pay check but chose not to because I didn't want to set roots in Alabama.

ur lion.