The Filipina Part 2
After she dropped the news on me, I couldn't stop pacing around the room. I came over to her place for a night of sex, not for a life altering announcement, but there I was, boiling inside. As all of you that have been following this thread know, I've been in this situation before, but not this close to home. This time, the girl wasn't thousands of miles away in another country. Gloria was right in front of me in the flesh. I could see her expressions, her emotions, her body language, and she could see mine. This time it was real, very real.
Absolutely elated, wearing one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen on her, and expecting that I was going to take the news as happily as she did, she ran up to me to give me the tightest hug she could manage. Meanwhile, I could barely look her in the eye. I felt heated, scared, and contemplated just leaving her there in the apartment, blocking her on all fronts, never to speak to her again. She quickly realized I was disappointed and angry at the news, and the tears started welling up in her eyes, dropping on to the carpet. She sat back down on the couch in silence, staring at the ground while I just stared out the window, thinking of what to say. I finally mustered up the courage to look at her and tell her about the type of person I had become, and I flat out told her she was either stuck with my child that I had no intention of taking care of, or aborting it and maybe, just maybe continuing to date me. These were her options that I put out on the table straight. She couldn't stop crying.
After I had given her the abortion ultimatum, and further let my disappointment be known with choice words, I left her there alone that night and took off on an hour long drive around the city to clear my head. I had never felt such nervousness and self-hate before. Before that night, I felt like I was teetering on the brink of sociopathy, but seeing Gloria's emotions directly in front of me triggered a deep negative response within my psyche. It woke me up, it changed me, it corrected me. I realized that night how big of a piece of **** I had become, and Gloria deserved absolutely none of this treatment. She was one of the few good girls left in this world, and I ruined her. I absolutely ruined her and any future relationship she was going to have. I didn't feel the same way as I did when I forced the Colombiana to abort. While I felt bad for the Colombiana and did everything I could to make it right after she ended the pregnancy, the Gloria situation felt far more real, and far more dangerous. This time, it was right in front of me, and I had to face it. I was scared, and after my reaction, she had every right to keep the child and enact any kind of revenge she felt was necessary. I expected the worst outcome, and started to war-game different scenarios in my head should she decide to keep the child. None of them were very desirable. Needless to say, I got very little sleep that night.
Gloria eventually reached out to me a few days later, still begging me to keep it. She even said I wouldn't have anything to do with it, she could take it back to the Philippines with her, and so on. She tried to ease the idea of having the child with her as best as she could, with tears in her eyes. I said absolutely no to all, and told her that it would be such a burden for her that the only smart option is to abort. I was not ready for a child, present in my life or not, and I didn't want any chance of anything biting me in the ass later on in life. I gave her the best arguments I could, and none of them seemed to convince her 100%. Through the tears over the phone she tried to come up with every possible justification to keep it, but I continued to push back. I felt like I was truly at the end of my rope.
After that phone call, another week had passed with zero contact. My eyes were bloodshot, my nervous system was breaking down, and I constantly kept checking my phone for notifications from Gloria. I could barely eat a full meal, and my face started to look gaunt and pale. I was functioning on safe mode, fueled by stale coffee, beef jerky and triscuits, until one fateful Sunday I finally received a simple four word text from Gloria: "I'll ****ing do it."
Happiness was an understatement. I drove straight to In and Out and devoured two double doubles in the parking lot to celebrate. I was free.
Two days later, Gloria texted a screenshot of her appointment at Planned Parenthood. That was my confirmation that she was actually going to go through with it. Giddy and relieved, I quickly texted her back "Thank you for doing this, call me afterward if you want."
The text was never delivered, and Gloria never responded. That screenshot was the last communication I was going to get from her ever again. Gloria was gone.
-End-
Bookmarks