Eating Disorder Support Thread: Recovery in Numbers (2nd Edition)

[StanPT]

@StanPT

I understand the repetitiveness of your questions and we have all been there, it's part of the disorder. But, at some point you have to take control. Believe me, I know it's hard. I was stuck in the cycle for years but it's my life and I decided to take it back. I was already concerned for you but the picture you posted makes me even more so. I agree with the others, you need to seek professional help and be involved in an intense, focused recovery offline. Of course we are all here to support you and will be, but you need someone who can see you and treat you directly.

I got to 13%/14% body fat after 10 months of 7 night binges. I have gained weight from 3.8%. I've lost how to eat and exercise anymore. I've been eating around 1000-1200 with most of the food intake around 11:00pm. I've gained .3% body fat since last week. Am I under eating and causing this to happen? or is it the biscuits, etc around bedtime :/

I feel drained, totally drained.

[poshbird]

Since not competing in BB or working towards competing.. my ED has risen. I think I need something to focus on to stop thinking about my ED.

I really want to compete but my stomach is letting me down I have and overhand and loose skin, This depresses me a lot

[fldhkybnva]

@StanPT

Does any of that make sense to you? Imagine if a friend told you that, what would you say? You starve yourself allsay then barely eat and you feel drained. Well yes, you do. You know that you gained 0.3% body fat? Why do you know this? Stop weighing food, stop weighing yourself, stop counting calories. As Erik said, there's not much else to say. We can support but at some point you're going to have to open your eyes and take control of YOUR life. You gained weight from binging and so what? It's going to happen, potentially for months during recovery it's part of fixing the damage you've done. Again, are you seeing a professional regularly? At some point, they can't help any more than we can because you have to do the hard work but someone with professional knowledge needs to be treating you.

[determined4000]

@EVERYONE

NO TALK OF BODY FAT!!!
NO talk of "I gained X amount" or "I want to be X weight" or "I try to eat X calories"

This thread is about support to move away from even thinking about these things. Not discuss them.

[ErikTheElectric]

@EVERYONE

NO TALK OF BODY FAT!!!
NO talk of "I gained X amount" or "I want to be X weight" or "I try to eat X calories"

This thread is about support to move away from even thinking about these things. Not discuss them.

Not looking to start an argument because I can agree on most of those things but isn't it inevitable that they will come up?

- This is an Eating Disorder Support Group. All of those issues, fears, and thoughts are more than prevalent in a persons thought process of a day to day basis who suffers from an Eating Disorder. (Any type). Assuming the person isn't seeing someone for professional help (because for most that post in this thread, it's true) this can be the only/or one of the few "outlets" for him or her to discuss Those things.

- it's inevitable for them to come up. Usually each day or every day, a new poster pops in the thread and offers up his or her story for others to read, with some or sometimes all of those "off limit topics" frequent in their posts.


Again, not looking to start an argument. But it's the Internet, you're not going to be able to censor every little thing.

[determined4000]

@erik

Put em up!!!

[BasedJ]

First time stepping foot in this thread. Leaving with the discouraging realization that I most likely do have a severe ED.

[poshbird]

I'm just lost whether to bulk or not.

If I'm honest I've been struggling to eat and I've been struggling with my ED . I have also been purging and this is why I need something to focus on so I can stop this before it gets out of hand . I might do little comps on here for motivation but my ED has hold of me right now . I don't know whether to tell a close friend about me purging I want help!!

[ErikTheElectric]

^ This isn't ever about "cutting or bulking" this is about getting your life, and a balance relationship with food back again. If you're struggling with your ED. You need to forgo the "I need to bulk" or "I need to cut" mindset.

You should also be aware that purging can cause some serious and adverse health effects.

[poshbird]

@Erik

I am obviously not ready for recovery then.

[jagen123]

I am in absolute extreme despair. My life has no joy; from the minute I wake up to the moment I
collapse into my bed at night. I have so many psychological challenges, issues and battles in my head
on daily basis that I am really facing a brick-wall in knowing how to change. I am not sure how to
classify my issues that I have as some of them fall under an eating disorder persona whilst others are
more contributed to a sort of self-challenge purpose.
My first issue that I have which I battle and am faced with on a daily basis are my disordered eating
habits. I count absolutely every gram and calorie that I consume and will weigh out everything
that I possibly can to the exact gram. I also have the control that everything that eat must be as
wholesome as possible and have eliminated a large amount of foods from my diet.
I have eliminated all foods from my diet apart from these:
· Chicken, Turkey, Fish, lean beef
· Brown rice
· Wholemeal pasta
· Vegetables
· Beans
· Oats
· Avocado
· Sweet potato
· Eggs
· Olive oil
· Almonds
· Nut butters
· Whey protein
All other foods I struggle to eat and feel terrible and out of control if I eat things not mentioned in
the said list. I also have the occupying conscious goal of how many calories every meal I am having
and will often make a conscious effort to reserve calories in the day e.g. eat less for breakfast and
lunch so I can have a snack in the evening after dinner. I also have very tight controls on my meal
timing as well and won't allow myself to eat snacks. I feel like there must be at least 3 or 4 hours
minimum between meals and during this period I often am fixated with anxiety in anticipation
for the next time I eat. This is very difficult for me because there are frequent times where my
blood sugar crashes and I will torture myself by not eating something until my next allowed meal
e.g. lunch or dinner. I also feel like I only deserve to eat when I get to a point where my body is
desperately crying out for energy. I try and make my lunch as late as possible so I have the energy to
last me through until dinner. I will make sure that I get exactly 3000kcals per day so that I can gain
some weight which I really want to do so I can put this ridiculous anorexic image behind me. With
concerns to gaining weight I accept some of it will be body fat but I would like, to give me some self
esteem and sense of good health, to be able to do some structured resistance exercises to aid the
stimulation of muscle growth to ensure that when I am gaining weight a proportion of the gain will
be moderated muscle mass.
Another issue I have is with standing and not being able to sit down. It really affects my life in
multitudinous ways seeing as I cannot sit down study for my exams which will probably mean that I
won't achieve any of the grades that I want now. I also can't do things like watch TV, be productive
on the computer, go to the cinema, go to a football match, sit and talk with people. It is simply
devastating.
I also have an addiction to exercise and don't feel satisfied unless I do some form of exercise
everyday as well as the 31 press ups before breakfast, the 11 before lunch, the 33 in the afternoon
and the 11 before dinner as well as the ones I do just before I go to bed followed by squats followed
by situps.
These are the behaviours and cognitions that are controlling my life. I need help.

[fldhkybnva]

@jagen123

I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I know exactly how it feels. You need to seek professional help. Here is a link to help you find something in your area http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.o...d-help-support

[determined4000]

@jagen
Ask yourself why you are doing this?
What purpose is it surving?
Is it bringing health? No.
Happiness? no

The exact opposite. You don't enjoy any minute of your life, it is preventing you from doing well in school, preventing you from feeling normal, bringing you pain on a daily basis, bringing you stress on a daily basis and bringing you misery on a daily basis.
So why continue?

You need to seek outside help from professionals and your family or else you will continue to live this way.

[ErikTheElectric]

@posh


Recovery is scary, at least initially. But once you give it some thought, and really think about your life and how much your disease has taken away from you.. it makes it all the more worthwhile.

[ZRJacques]

Posted in here once or twice before but I'm happy to say that I've Finally been able to take back control of my body and have overcome so much after the past year and a half of hell!

I've spun my wheels over and over, restricted and deprived myself, only to cause the same emotional/binge cycles occur in each and every outcome.

I'm 4 1/2 months clean from any episodes and have lost 45.5 pounds!

Anyways, I've solidified a much better base going forward and am excited to be starting my first bulk!

This thread has been very motivating and a big thank you goes out to all who take time out of their day to help sooth and support those going through dark times.

Much love to everybody and god bless <3

[StanPT]

This is thee best place for support. You guys are brilliant. I've made 1 or 2 steps of change thanks to Erik, Determinded and FLD. They are small but I'm trying to keep them in my head and force out the old feelings. I may repeat myself but it works to repeat those thoughts and push them out!

[poshbird]

@Erik Thanks.. but I just don't feel ready I am very anxious about seeing someone. it took me a lot of courage to tell my older friend and she has told me to go see someone and she says the next time I see you I want to know you've made the appointment or you have been already. I am trying to avoid but it won't be easy as she is my neighbour.

[fldhkybnva]

@StanPT

Squash the thoughts, send them away on a boat. It sounds dumb but I literally have to do that, tell them to be quiet it's your turn to control now.

[AlexFromPT]

@StanPT

I saw your photo Stan and you, most definitely, ARE NOT FAT. The binges are a completely normal response to your restriction. It's nature doint it's job and you won't win, you'll just end up draining yourself more and more.

Realize from where in your life did this nonsense start and FOCUS ON SOLVING REAL LIFE ISSUES. I too am struggling with my own problems, so you can PM me if you feel the need Get a therapist, grab a good friend, write down your thoughts, you seriously need to understand this.

Also, deviating a bit from what I wrote above, I would like to know what you guys think about this article - http://dicktalens.com/how-to-squash-...in-its-tracks/ It's about binge eating episodes.

It has some great points and it concludes basically in the idea that the urge to binge, if psychological, will always be there a bit due to various triggers. We just have to manage our thoughts. Do you agree?

[ErikTheElectric]

^^ Actually a wonderful article, it makes great points, and the fact that guy does eating challenges is also note worthy.

[Pioteq]

Allright brahs, I really appreciate this thread and I will try to help/motivate people ITT from now. But I have some questions for u since I havent found anything about the things I want to ask/know. Its mainly about recovering after and ED since I've binged/thrown up afterwards for the last tike 3 years ago. I've had this ED for like 2-2.5 years and it f*cked up my social life. I recoverd on my own (without anyone knowing about it) because of my interest in bodybuilding + the healthy lifestyle/eating that comes with it. Now I realized what I've done to my body I'm a bit worried about the effects of this ED:

- If someone recovers from an ED (binging, throwing up afterwards and calorie restricting) all alone, and he has never talked to anyone/doctor/psychologist about it, will it be a good idea to do a total body checkup to check of there's any damage in the body?

- Is it possible that the body recovers/heals by itself? Organs/stomach?

- Is it possible that test-levels are still very low from 2.5 years of eating as low fat as possible? Or do they slowly recover by itself after 3 years of good fat intake (60-120 grams a day) ?

- I havent found anything about health issues that may occur several years after recovering from an ED. Like stomach diseases, has anyone some good information about this?

I wish u guys/girls all the best, stay safe and strong please!

[AlexFromPT]

I think you should get everything checked by a doctor. I bet you don't binge/purge now but the unhealthy obsession, food focus, fitness focus is still there. You just came into an ED thread, you know you are not 100% recovered.

Wish you best of luck

[shesprints]

I also highly suggest seeing a doctor. I was never bulimic, only anorexic, and I STILL did damage to my stomach (due to leaving it empty for long periods) and wound up with a perforated ulcer that required emergency surgery because I didn't visit a doctor when I felt pain. I also had to get hormone therapy (again, years later). Oh yeah, and I've had two stress fractures in the past year... going to go ahead and say seeing a doctor earlier in my recovery might have prevented that.

[JKM1979]

I sure hope this post gets added here. First off, I send a deep apology from the last time I posted here (months, if not longer) ago. I came here looking for others with a similar ED and took such offensive to those only trying to help. I made comments that were uncalled for and rude, for that I am so sorry. I was wrong..you were all correct. I do have a body and eating issue and I have been working to pull myself out. I see myself in the mirror and I hate it. No..I dont think I am fat infact its the opposite. I want to get the booty back, I want to look healthy again yet I do have a fear of "not" getting rid of the food AND weight gain (as odd as this sounds since I want to AND know I must put on weight). My issues are this:
I think about food 24/7 however I love to eat (I work in the food indusrty of all places)
I dont deprive myself at all (aka, I have some of everything daily...chocolate, cake, muffins, nuts, ect)
I still have a fear of eating more protein and find that I overthink this. Instead of a meal that is healthy and clean I always add for flavor which makes my IBS worse (aka...that fake kraft cheese is a huge staple of mine)
The only joy is eating for me and I am working on getting more interests to reduce this as well as my OA group (which actually led me to become a purger..and I am not trying to blame here btw)
My other issue is my IBS. When I do eat I purge and it doesnt have a to be a binge. Like, I have been eating a ton of meats for the past two weeks and can go from a burger patty to a steak with bread, cheese, mayo and some butter and then I feel sick and throw it up. I end up craving it more which makes sense. Is is possible that I am just not absorbing the cals and nutrtintes since I purge minutes after, which leaves my body in need for the macros? Also, since I am not training much (I get up at 330am 6 days a week for work and I am on my feet 4 hours a day with this job) I also dont want to put on weight the wrong way. ie, eating cake and ice cream instead of nut butter and oats.
Any help or suggestions are welcome

TY!

[ShyGuyXS]

@Pioteq - I agree with the others about checking with your doctor and strongly recommend doing so.

From my own experience and what I've heard and learned, damage can be repaired over time, but the sooner you take action, the better off you will be. Good luck, and I hope all goes well.

-----

Now, a pretty quick update from my end. I've been in specialized treatment for just over three weeks and should be transitioning to a center closer to home within a week. Doing my best and making significant progress with steady refeeding on a set menu plan. I'm growing and regaining both my physical and mental strength, and the worst of my symptoms have definitely improved.

To be completely honest, this is one of the most challenging and stressful experiences of my life, but also one of the most positive and rewarding times. From what the treatment team tells me, full recovery will take quite some time, but I'm eternally grateful to them for all of the help they've provided so far.

Thanks to everyone, especially Erik, determined, and shesprints, for their support and encouragement.

[determined4000]

@JKM- Suggestions?
STOP PURGING!
Seek professiona help both medical and pschological

@Shyguy
So glad to hear you are in treatment. It is the best hing for you. Just remember it may seem like a long time now but in the grand schme of life, it is but a blip on the radar.
You were living zero days before and will be able to enjoy a full life if you can recover.

[VivaMandalore]

Hello all!

I've been a lurker on this site for a while, but I'm new to posting... if I do something wrong just let me know, haha.

Anyway, I'm feeling the need to come out of my shell and post right now because I really need some motivation...

I've been slowly recovering from my eating issues, and have been very good about upping my calorie intake for the past few weeks. Also, a HUGE victory for me in that I haven't weighed myself in about a month.

The only issue is, since it's been so long and I'm in such unknown territory... I'm feeling that familiar anxiety creeping in. I keep feeling like I need to start cutting back again just in case I ate "too much" and gained "too quickly". I know, I know, it makes NO SENSE. Literally today I'm trying to decide how much chicken to eat for lunch... like it's just CHICKEN for god's sake!!!

I think I just need some words of encouragement to keep me going... some reassurance that I'm not going to be 50 lbs heavier the next time I step on a scale...

Also, sorry for the rant or if anything is too triggering, ugh I just really needed to get that off my chest.

[Ajhop22]

It's a scary thought now looking back but I became engaged in a very serious eating disorder it started with working out and slight dieting then slowly I became more and more intense with my workout and restricted my eating more and more before I new it I had met and surpassed my weight loss goal. At first I thight I looked great but I figured if I wanted to keep my body I would have to keep up with this new extreme diet and excersise for the rest if my life in order to look the way I did. Well I kept loosing and loosing. My skin because dry my hair was falling out my teeth were eroding and still I wouldn't eat. My marriage was In danger I was so so tired all the time I didn't want to do anything. Eventually my husband made me stop working out after talking to a therapist and family members but this just made me feel like I needed to restrict more and more. Before I knew it I was in the darkest place of my life. I hated the way I looked but I was so fearful of getting fat I just wouldn't eat I was taking in less than 100 calories a day for a month and a half straight at my lowest point. I now weight 74 lbs at 5'6" at the age of 21. I hit my bottom and new I needed to change or I was going to die. I couldn't loose any more and that was that. Recovering was the hardest I would gain two lbs by eating a simple salad because my body had adjusted to such a low intake level. My belly would bloat so I looked like an poverty stricken African malnurished child. I thight "I can't keep eating my belly is just going to get bigger and bigger and I already look so fat" but I had to constantly remind myself that it he storage in my stomach was my body just trying to get whatever nourishment to my organs it could. So I kept eating I would gain and loose up to ten lbs in a day. My weight was all over my emotions my hormones everything was a roller coaster. (Note:I haven't had my period in almost a year and a half at this point) I would warm up my food atleast a dozen times at each sitting. I had my own little rituals that I followed religiously to eat and every meal was a challenge. I thight a bout food constantly but dreaded each meal how ever I stuck with it I challenged myself an took small steps out of my comfort zone each day. I'm not there yet but I am now 105lbs and feeling so much better. I can actually live again. There is so much more to say about this topic and I am currently writing a book about my journey along with excerpts from my friends and family about their expirience with me and my sickness along with other volunteers and their stories. To any one out there dealing with this please remember trust your body and I will treat you well. We need to eat to live and no matter how impossible it seems no matter how dark your days are stick with it. You deserve to live happily and you can do it

[determined4000]

@ajhop
It is FANTASTIC to hear stories like yours. It must have taken a lot of courage but YOU DID IT!
and now you have a real life ahead of you instead of an existence.
COntinue to feel motivated by what you ahve done and continue to get better and better, happier and happier.

@vivamandalore
Use the stories like the one ajhop posted for motivation. If you can recover you will be happier and healthier (both mentally and physically).
I would highly suggest seeking medical and pyschological treatment. It is the best path for recovery.
You need to make sure you are medically ok and work through the mental issues that cause you to restrict irrationally.

[JKM1979]

[QUOTE=determined4000;1239479743]@JKM- Suggestions?
STOP PURGING!
Seek professiona help both medical and pschological

really?? Wow, I never pondered that concept. I was hoping someone here would give some helpful information....if anyone else has felt this way, ect. Obviously an ED isnt that easy to STOP or ED's wouldnt exist.