Positive Mindset and Committing to Change

[Shoot4hoops]

Ok no more from me on the younger guy topic, I got the answer I wanted just now!!!

THANK YOU HeBrew for this thread! I'm so in love, next is more work success for me and everyone ITT, anything can happen with a positive mindset!!!! Xoxo

[Shoot4hoops]

Thanks for the time mgmt tips too, I don't plan the next day so I will try that!

[Bluesy]

For me, I wouldn't go talking about more than a friendship if that's not what I was looking for. But, I'm also an avid believer in not wasting someone else's time. Just me.

I have a schedule in my head, odd - yes, but it works well for me. When I get home from work at night, after dinner, chores, errands, HW and whatever else - I start thinking about the next day and what has to get done. I then make a quick plan of how my day will go, then go from there. The next morning I already have my plan of attack for the day - the next step is just execution. Sometimes things come up on the fly and I re-evaluate and plan accordingly based on it's priority.

Right now if somethng came up today that was in the timeframe of 330-5, I'd have to skip my workout to do what I had too but I would inevitably make up for it and make up the gym time on sunday. Compromise.

Planning a schedule in my head for the next day or even week is what I do as well, I rarely forget to do anything. Its fantastic to do keeps me on task and I don't feel completely lost working out what I have to do.
I think I developed it while I was at boarding school for 4 years, reminds me of your daily schedule hammah - from 7am to 10am it was 100%, very little down time, 6 hours of school and 3 hours of compulsory study every day, plus high intensity sport (we were like a bunch of elite sportsman compared to 'the out side world' haha)

It's nice to know that we all have something in common. My mum has a classical guitar on top of here wardrobe, it was made in 1916 in Spain (She also has a violin made in 1794! Perfect condition, love to play that one day) Don't know the brand (obviously on Spanish) but it is in perfect condition. Looking to drop the xbox and go into playing guitar - do something productive.
I can see what you guys mean by skipping the basics. Same with Olympic lifting. Iv been doing technique work for about 8 months now, trying to get it perfect, so I can progress quicker. Haven't done anything heavy yet. I guess ill do the same with guitar, learn all the chords off by heart first, then start progressing

"Do the little things right"

Currently listening to:
City and colour
Jose gonzalez
John butler
Mumford and sons (<3 banjo)
Sungha Jung (look on YouTube, only 16!!!)

I'll keep and eye out for all the stuff you guys post as well.

[HeBrewHammah]

When I was kid, I wanted a saxophone. My dad had brought and paid for my older sisters (2) instrument. One had a clarinet and the other had a flute. Back in like 95, I asked for a saxophone for Christmas. Well, I didn't get a saxophone. Instead I got a guitar. So what is a 6 year old going to do with a guitar? Especially if he has no one to show how to use it? That's right. In the attic, it went. I still have it but obviously I out grown it. Freshman year of college, I brought a guitar so I can learn it. When it came in the mail at college, everyone was asking if I can play it. I told them "no but I'm going to learn it". After that, most people responded with "Why waste your time", "You're too old" or "If you can't play now, you will never know how to play". Like people magically learn how to play things. Please.

I've been consistent with playing for last two years. I realize that I can't expect to be great in so little time. I mean I spent 7 years writing left handed and it took me a long as time to write with fluidly and without that "funny feeling". So I knew it will be awhile to become a good musician.

lol, you asked for it! He started at 5! lmao - Kid is unbelievable

I fell off for 5 years due to the service - tbh. I didn't really touch it once. Since I got out in 09' have been very reacquainted with it. If I could quit school and work and do music full time I would. Problem is I'd have no money to support myself while I tried to make it. lol.

Ok no more from me on the younger guy topic, I got the answer I wanted just now!!!

THANK YOU HeBrew for this thread! I'm so in love, next is more work success for me and everyone ITT, anything can happen with a positive mindset!!!! Xoxo

Thanks for the time mgmt tips too, I don't plan the next day so I will try that!

NP - you don't have to be a stranger in here. Can still post! and see what's going on!

Planning a schedule in my head for the next day or even week is what I do as well, I rarely forget to do anything. Its fantastic to do keeps me on task and I don't feel completely lost working out what I have to do.
I think I developed it while I was at boarding school for 4 years, reminds me of your daily schedule hammah - from 7am to 10am it was 100%, very little down time, 6 hours of school and 3 hours of compulsory study every day, plus high intensity sport (we were like a bunch of elite sportsman compared to 'the out side world' haha)

It's nice to know that we all have something in common. My mum has a classical guitar on top of here wardrobe, it was made in 1916 in Spain (She also has a violin made in 1794! Perfect condition, love to play that one day) Don't know the brand (obviously on Spanish) but it is in perfect condition. Looking to drop the xbox and go into playing guitar - do something productive.
I can see what you guys mean by skipping the basics. Same with Olympic lifting. Iv been doing technique work for about 8 months now, trying to get it perfect, so I can progress quicker. Haven't done anything heavy yet. I guess ill do the same with guitar, learn all the chords off by heart first, then start progressing

Wow, those sound nice. At some point I'll get around to recording myself playing and upload it for you guys to see. I'm no Stevie Ray Vaugh that's for sure but i can definitely play! The problem I have is once I start - I don't give a crap about anything going on around me. I can literally sit for hours and not care about anything. lol




It is nice huh? You guys don't have problems making friends do you? If you happen too this is a prime example of how it's done. Finding that common ground and going from there...

[Bluesy]

lol, you asked for it! He started at 5! lmao - Kid is unbelievable

I fell off for 5 years due to the service - tbh. I didn't really touch it once. Since I got out in 09' have been very reacquainted with it. If I could quit school and work and do music full time I would. Problem is I'd have no money to support myself while I tried to make it. lol.





NP - you don't have to be a stranger in here. Can still post! and see what's going on!



Wow, those sound nice. At some point I'll get around to recording myself playing and upload it for you guys to see. I'm no Stevie Ray Vaugh that's for sure but i can definitely play! The problem I have is once I start - I don't give a crap about anything going on around me. I can literally sit for hours and not care about anything. lol




It is nice huh? You guys don't have problems making friends do you? If you happen too this is a prime example of how it's done. Finding that common ground and going from there...

Yeah I'd watch you play. Iv got a long time to go though but ill get there!
My main problem will be competing with my brother. He has 2 x 1000 watt speakers in his bedroom blasting out screamo music. But oh well. Can cover up all my mistakes, haha.

But playing those two instruments of my mums will make her so happy. She hasn't played them since she was like 18, she grew up playing them - she still has some skills :P

Trying to find some new decent music to listen to at the moment

[blackcontrarian]

lol, you asked for it! He started at 5! lmao - Kid is unbelievable

I fell off for 5 years due to the service - tbh. I didn't really touch it once. Since I got out in 09' have been very reacquainted with it. If I could quit school and work and do music full time I would. Problem is I'd have no money to support myself while I tried to make it. lol.

A challenge eh? I'll take it. I've watched that video before. He states that all he does [play guitar]. I mean if you are a kid who plays guitar all day, you are going to sound good. Most of us have other obligations and stuff to do so we can't spend all day playing a guitar. Besides, what are most 8 years old doing? Playing video games and watching television so seeing a kid do this is like shocking.

"But while getting a perfect score on the SAT at age 12 is impressive, precocity is no guarantee of later success. Likewise, a lack of early precocity is no guarantee of failure. We must stop referring to the precocious as "geniuses" and see their feats for what they are: early signs that the child may be ready to start the long, arduous path to acquire the expertise required to learn, or even change, existing paradigms."

All traits are developed but how they develop depends on the person. Time, technique etc.

[blackcontrarian]

Yeah I'd watch you play. Iv got a long time to go though but ill get there!
My main problem will be competing with my brother. He has 2 x 1000 watt speakers in his bedroom blasting out screamo music. But oh well. Can cover up all my mistakes, haha.

But playing those two instruments of my mums will make her so happy. She hasn't played them since she was like 18, she grew up playing them - she still has some skills :P

Trying to find some new decent music to listen to at the moment

Just look up the musicians who play at Candyrat records. Andy Mckee, Don Ross, and Reign of Kindo to name a few.

Just remember a little a bit a day can go a long way. I feel like I'm getting more from practicing 20 - 40 minutes a day instead of 2 -3 hours every other day.

[dabigMV]

hey hbh,

how do you handle when a girl is interested in you in the library, especially when it is on a quiet study floor and you can not talk?

This girl walks in today as i was packing up my bag, she was looking for a spot, she glances at me, then walks away, then looks at me and smiles. I whispered to her you can sit here i am leaving (did not want to talk loud cuz of people studying), she starts smiling and says thank you very much! I was kind of rushing and was packing my stuff into my bag while on the floor, she mentions it is ok you can take your time, I am just like "don't worry about it". I know she was attracted to me but, i am extremely uncomfortable around random girls so i just walked away.

I do notice that the less i focus on girls, the more attention i get from them. Also, smiling being positive goes a long way i am realizing. Just having an open body language and happy during the day makes talking to people easier even if you are a socially awkward fuk.

[Stix14]

hey hbh,

how do you handle when a girl is interested in you in the library, especially when it is on a quiet study floor and you can not talk?

This girl walks in today as i was packing up my bag, she was looking for a spot, she glances at me, then walks away, then looks at me and smiles. I whispered to her you can sit here i am leaving (did not want to talk loud cuz of people studying), she starts smiling and says thank you very much! I was kind of rushing and was packing my stuff into my bag while on the floor, she mentions it is ok you can take your time, I am just like "don't worry about it". I know she was attracted to me but, i am extremely uncomfortable around random girls so i just walked away.

I do notice that the less i focus on girls, the more attention i get from them. Also, smiling being positive goes a long way i am realizing. Just having an open body language and happy during the day makes talking to people easier even if you are a socially awkward fuk.

Ted Rogers building, 8th floor, disabled washroom north-west corner.

[dabigMV]

Ted Rogers building, 8th floor, disabled washroom north-west corner.

lolwut

[Stix14]

lolwut

Sorry I misread that as "where do I handle..." instead of "how do I handle..."

[Shoot4hoops]

hey hbh,

how do you handle when a girl is interested in you in the library, especially when it is on a quiet study floor and you can not talk?

This girl walks in today as i was packing up my bag, she was looking for a spot, she glances at me, then walks away, then looks at me and smiles. I whispered to her you can sit here i am leaving (did not want to talk loud cuz of people studying), she starts smiling and says thank you very much! I was kind of rushing and was packing my stuff into my bag while on the floor, she mentions it is ok you can take your time, I am just like "don't worry about it". I know she was attracted to me but, i am extremely uncomfortable around random girls so i just walked away.

I do notice that the less i focus on girls, the more attention i get from them. Also, smiling being positive goes a long way i am realizing. Just having an open body language and happy during the day makes talking to people easier even if you are a socially awkward fuk.

Slip her a card with your cell

[HeBrewHammah]

in on becoming a mans'man!

I find it interesting that you said this man, may I ask why? I've heard this before from a chick or two about me personally - I didn't ask for clarification but it has come up a few times now...

hey hbh,

how do you handle when a girl is interested in you in the library, especially when it is on a quiet study floor and you can not talk?

This girl walks in today as i was packing up my bag, she was looking for a spot, she glances at me, then walks away, then looks at me and smiles. I whispered to her you can sit here i am leaving (did not want to talk loud cuz of people studying), she starts smiling and says thank you very much! I was kind of rushing and was packing my stuff into my bag while on the floor, she mentions it is ok you can take your time, I am just like "don't worry about it". I know she was attracted to me but, i am extremely uncomfortable around random girls so i just walked away.

I do notice that the less i focus on girls, the more attention i get from them. Also, smiling being positive goes a long way i am realizing. Just having an open body language and happy during the day makes talking to people easier even if you are a socially awkward fuk.

Interesting question. Hmmm, that's tough because you're naturally in a quiet environment and you were getting your stuff to leave if I read correctly - so the interaction wasn't particularly long enough. To highlight the positive, it's a good sign she smiled at you - felt good right? Why do you get nervous around random girls? They know nothing of you - not like you're wearing a tshirt that says FA. Nomsaying? lol.

I'm actually kind of stumped - not going to lie to you. I guess being polite like you were for her would have essentially left a good impression of yourself - What are the chances you'll run into her again? Outside of the library? Is this a girl you've seen plenty before?

Sorry I misread that as "where do I handle..." instead of "how do I handle..."

hooked on phonics - buy it. lol

[HeBrewHammah]

Relationships and Red Flags


Well here we go again ladies and gentleman - another post from yours truly! ; ) keep your comments to yourself! hhahaa. jp

I read these threads pretty frequently on here and the point is this; Just because someone to the eye meets your requirements does NOT mean you should overlook the rest of their personality and attitude because they're attractive to you. srs.

**I went through this a little over a year ago - same scenario. I let looks override what it is I actually wanted and needed. I'm single now, so you can do the math. lol. I'm swear to you all, I will never place an emphasis on looks again in my life. I went through hell for about a year with a girl and it's honestly my own fault. I accept what I did and I paid the price for it.

So say you just met a girl/guy that you think is very attractive, keeps in shape and APPEARS to have themselves together, Sounds awesome right? They're intelligent, witty, funny and all those sorts of great things! It's what you've been looking for right? This whole time, this person has had it all and has just been waiting to find you!

So you go out one night on the town and while out and about a situation arises and you are initially thrown off by it and you simply don't like how this other person had handled it. So what do you do? Do you brush it off and not let it bother you? Maybe the first time you do, but lets say for instance you go out again with this other party and a similar event occurs yet again. At this point, a red flag should be raised in your head and you will find yourself asking - Why? How come this pattern keeps occurring? Why does this person act this way when X,Y,Z happens? 3rd times a charm?

Now what? It's a trend - you're not official yet but you clearly see something you do not envy.

Listen up ALL - this is exactly where I fcked up and I want you take into consideration the point I'm going to make. Some of you will disregard it and you'll have no choice but to learn on your own...

When that red flag is raised in your head there are things you need to consider before proceeding towards a relationship with this person. Why does this person do this? How will it affect me? Us? Is there an underlying issue here? How do other people respond to it?

For example - my last ex had very little respect for anyone. I have respect for majority of people until proven otherwise that they do not deserve it. Though initially she didn't disrespect me upfront it was still something I wasn't very fond of tbh, but I ignored it because it wasn't directed at me. Let me say, after enough time - it WILL be directed at you. This person won't be all sunshine and rainbows forever, eventually a situation will arise where they are comfortable enough being who they truly are and at your expense.

So what I'm saying here is this, if you see something you're not particularly fond of no one is forcing you to continue forward with the interaction. You STILL have a choice to not partake in any of that noise and walk away before you end up in a catastrophic mess. Each and every one of you have the right to walk away from someone once they display a trait or characteristic you do not like, in a relationship or not. No one is forcing you to stay and I want you to understand this is coming from someone who's had their friends ask the question 'Idk how or why you want to deal with that'. It was completely unlike me to allow that sort of thing.

If you see things you do not like, please don't disregard them in favor oh what meets the eye. I'm guilty of it once and I can tell you guys story after story of all the childish things I put up with and it's draining, emotionally draining and frustrating to live through. Save yourselves the trouble. You have a right to be selective in a partner, so do just that. Don't settle for 5/10 of the qualities you're looking for, don't settle for anything less than what you think you deserve - BUT, within reason.

[Shoot4hoops]

/\ /\
This is so true. People tend to ignore red flags because they're in the new love stage and don't think rationally.

If I find someone who has the qualities I'm searching for, I will ignore superficial things like income, age, size, height, body fat %. Numbers are usually what we settle for when the person does not have the values we are searching for.

[denrocks1]

I just got done reading this whole thread, not today but a little bit at a time over the last several days.

HeBrewHammah, how would you go about keeping a positive attitude in regards to family.. when you have no freedom? Seriously my father really only cares about his future. Me and my other sibling don't really get any freedom, he will change anything for his benefit even if it is a negative thing towards another person.

[Bluesy]

hey hbh,

how do you handle when a girl is interested in you in the library, especially when it is on a quiet study floor and you can not talk?

This girl walks in today as i was packing up my bag, she was looking for a spot, she glances at me, then walks away, then looks at me and smiles. I whispered to her you can sit here i am leaving (did not want to talk loud cuz of people studying), she starts smiling and says thank you very much! I was kind of rushing and was packing my stuff into my bag while on the floor, she mentions it is ok you can take your time, I am just like "don't worry about it". I know she was attracted to me but, i am extremely uncomfortable around random girls so i just walked away.

I do notice that the less i focus on girls, the more attention i get from them. Also, smiling being positive goes a long way i am realizing. Just having an open body language and happy during the day makes talking to people easier even if you are a socially awkward fuk.

go back to the good old days of passing notes in class. i love doing this stuff with girls in library's or places were we have to be quiet. heres the idea. grab a plank peice of paper (A4) then just write on it like her having a regular conversation and pass it to her if your sitting next to each other. its actually pretty fun IMO - just an idea of how to talk to her in a quiet place.

Relationships and Red Flags


Well here we go again ladies and gentleman - another post from yours truly! ; ) keep your comments to yourself! hhahaa. jp

I read these threads pretty frequently on here and the point is this; Just because someone to the eye meets your requirements does NOT mean you should overlook the rest of their personality and attitude because they're attractive to you. srs.

**I went through this a little over a year ago - same scenario. I let looks override what it is I actually wanted and needed. I'm single now, so you can do the math. lol. I'm swear to you all, I will never place an emphasis on looks again in my life. I went through hell for about a year with a girl and it's honestly my own fault. I accept what I did and I paid the price for it.

So say you just met a girl/guy that you think is very attractive, keeps in shape and APPEARS to have themselves together, Sounds awesome right? They're intelligent, witty, funny and all those sorts of great things! It's what you've been looking for right? This whole time, this person has had it all and has just been waiting to find you!

So you go out one night on the town and while out and about a situation arises and you are initially thrown off by it and you simply don't like how this other person had handled it. So what do you do? Do you brush it off and not let it bother you? Maybe the first time you do, but lets say for instance you go out again with this other party and a similar event occurs yet again. At this point, a red flag should be raised in your head and you will find yourself asking - Why? How come this pattern keeps occurring? Why does this person act this way when X,Y,Z happens? 3rd times a charm?

Now what? It's a trend - you're not official yet but you clearly see something you do not envy.

Listen up ALL - this is exactly where I fcked up and I want you take into consideration the point I'm going to make. Some of you will disregard it and you'll have no choice but to learn on your own...

When that red flag is raised in your head there are things you need to consider before proceeding towards a relationship with this person. Why does this person do this? How will it affect me? Us? Is there an underlying issue here? How do other people respond to it?

For example - my last ex had very little respect for anyone. I have respect for majority of people until proven otherwise that they do not deserve it. Though initially she didn't disrespect me upfront it was still something I wasn't very fond of tbh, but I ignored it because it wasn't directed at me. Let me say, after enough time - it WILL be directed at you. This person won't be all sunshine and rainbows forever, eventually a situation will arise where they are comfortable enough being who they truly are and at your expense.

So what I'm saying here is this, if you see something you're not particularly fond of no one is forcing you to continue forward with the interaction. You STILL have a choice to not partake in any of that noise and walk away before you end up in a catastrophic mess. Each and every one of you have the right to walk away from someone once they display a trait or characteristic you do not like, in a relationship or not. No one is forcing you to stay and I want you to understand this is coming from someone who's had their friends ask the question 'Idk how or why you want to deal with that'. It was completely unlike me to allow that sort of thing.

If you see things you do not like, please don't disregard them in favor oh what meets the eye. I'm guilty of it once and I can tell you guys story after story of all the childish things I put up with and it's draining, emotionally draining and frustrating to live through. Save yourselves the trouble. You have a right to be selective in a partner, so do just that. Don't settle for 5/10 of the qualities you're looking for, don't settle for anything less than what you think you deserve - BUT, within reason.

are you saying the we should go after personality more than looks?

im exactly like that. i really got care what a girl looks like, but of course in reason! everyone thinks im weird but if a girl is extremely good looking but has terrible personality, i will just walk away from them and find someone else. were as every other body in the room will be staring at her going *id like to have her as a girlfriend she is so hot* - i think my way is much more logical way to think and i can actually go somewhere far with someone i actually like. if the girl is good looking with good personality then i guess i just got lucky.
personlity > looks any day!

i hope this is what your talking about hammah.....!

[HeBrewHammah]

I just got done reading this whole thread, not today but a little bit at a time over the last several days.

HeBrewHammah, how would you go about keeping a positive attitude in regards to family.. when you have no freedom? Seriously my father really only cares about his future. Me and my other sibling don't really get any freedom, he will change anything for his benefit even if it is a negative thing towards another person.

Let me as you this boss - How old are you? Would I be right in assuming not old enough just yet to move out?

are you saying the we should go after personality more than looks?

im exactly like that. i really got care what a girl looks like, but of course in reason! everyone thinks im weird but if a girl is extremely good looking but has terrible personality, i will just walk away from them and find someone else. were as every other body in the room will be staring at her going *id like to have her as a girlfriend she is so hot* - i think my way is much more logical way to think and i can actually go somewhere far with someone i actually like. if the girl is good looking with good personality then i guess i just got lucky.
personlity > looks any day!

i hope this is what your talking about hammah.....!

That's exactly what I'm talking about. I'm the same way, if there is an attractive woman nearby but she just thinks she's the greatest thing in the world...I wouldn't pay an ounce of attention to her. I dont have time for someone who has an attitude problem or anyone that thinks they're better than someone else. I have a really short amount of patience to tolerate that sort of things tbh.

[Lonesome85]

HeBrewHammah: Where do you meet girls? Do you find them through social networking or other avenues? Also, do you think it's a bad decision for a guy with no social life to pursue girls? I think it is. But my innate biological urges make me want to find a somewhat attractive female and smash her, despite my social shortcomings. I have used online dating but only ever get one-off dates; something about my personality repels girls.

EDIT: Keep posting advice in here. A lot of the views you espouse make sense and work readily in real life.

[Shoot4hoops]

Thanks, this is the only thread I can post in except the Eating Disorder thread, anywhere else the trolls will just criticize my body. Makes no sense on a bodybuilding site that someone goes through the rigid dieting to bring your packaged food everywhere, lifts weights 5x a week, does 3 hours of cardio a week and gets criticized for losing 50 lbs and transforming?? I don't understand that mentality at all. I need to counter this because I feel terrible this morning, like all of that hard work for no reason other than to jeopardize my recovery.

The guys in the Chat thread 18 months ago said I'd get better men getting in shape, seems like I either guys who want sex and nothing else, or friendship and nothing else. Not both. I know I have a lot to work on because I focus mostly on the physical, that if I get in great shape I'll get that hot younger nice guy like the other ladies at my athletic club who have remarried men 15-20 years younger. Yet their job is fitness so they work out 20 hours a week, I can't compare myself to that. If only getting in shape would just bring love so easily. Like you said it isn't just looks, there are good looking men at my athletic club who are egomaniacs and I'd never be interested.

I'll just continue reading the positive threads in here to get me out of this morning's slump. Thank you for having this to come to.

[LikeAMachine]

Thanks, this is the only thread I can post in except the Eating Disorder thread, anywhere else the trolls will just criticize my body. Makes no sense on a bodybuilding site that someone goes through the rigid dieting to bring your packaged food everywhere, lifts weights 5x a week, does 3 hours of cardio a week and gets criticized for losing 50 lbs and transforming?? I don't understand that mentality at all. I need to counter this because I feel terrible this morning, like all of that hard work for no reason other than to jeopardize my recovery.

The guys in the Chat thread 18 months ago said I'd get better men getting in shape, seems like I either guys who want sex and nothing else, or friendship and nothing else. Not both. I know I have a lot to work on because I focus mostly on the physical, that if I get in great shape I'll get that hot younger nice guy like the other ladies at my athletic club who have remarried men 15-20 years younger. Yet their job is fitness so they work out 20 hours a week, I can't compare myself to that. If only getting in shape would just bring love so easily. Like you said it isn't just looks, there are good looking men at my athletic club who are egomaniacs and I'd never be interested.

I'll just continue reading the positive threads in here to get me out of this morning's slump. Thank you for having this to come to.

Every time I read something you write….every fcking time

All I hear is about “hot guys”, “fit guys”, “younger guys”.


Midlife crisis much?

[Shoot4hoops]

Every time I read something you write….every fcking time

All I hear is about “hot guys”, “fit guys”, “younger guys”.


Midlife crisis much?

It's happened to men for years, it happens now to women I guess. Pretty much every divorcee at my club is with a much younger man. I've dated them for 6 years now, yet disregard the ones who just want to hook up. It's not a very happy lifestyle though, I have to admit that, since those ladies work out like crazy, get Botox, implants, do everything to run against the inevitable aging.

Yet I figured I was just getting bad guys since I was overweight during the majority of that time and the ladies getting married were in shape. I'm getting cold approached now for the first time in 9 years since I was last this size, and the young hot nice guys who used to ignore me at the gym are now talking and flirting.

I just remain with a positive attitude that with charm, self improvement, positive thinking, anything is possible.

I'm not going to get in the best shape of my life (more muscular now, not as thin as when I was at my lowest weight) to just settle for someone I'm not even attracted to.

[LikeAMachine]

It's happened to men for years, it happens now to women I guess. Pretty much every divorcee at my club is with a much younger man. I've dated them for 6 years now, yet disregard the ones who just want to hook up. It's not a very happy lifestyle though, I have to admit that, since those ladies work out like crazy, get Botox, implants, do everything to run against the inevitable aging.

Yet I figured I was just getting bad guys since I was overweight during the majority of that time and the ladies getting married were in shape. I'm getting cold approached now for the first time in 9 years since I was last this size, and the young hot nice guys who used to ignore me at the gym are now talking and flirting.

I just remain with a positive attitude that with charm, self improvement, positive thinking, anything is possible.

I hate being nasty with you because I can tell you a genuinely struggling but damn, you need to get a grip. Do it because you love it, not because it’s going to land you a “hot guy”.

If getting with a “hot, younger” guy is the sole source of your happiness, I really feel sorry for you.

[Shoot4hoops]

I hate being nasty with you because I can tell you a genuinely struggling but damn, you need to get a grip. Do it because you love it, not because it’s going to land you a “hot guy”.

If getting with a “hot, younger” guy is the sole source of your happiness, I really feel sorry for you.

Yeah it is a struggle now, both my dr. and my former T want me back getting help so I promised them I would find someone new. My Dr. was upset that I've lost 25 lbs so quickly so I promised both I would interview new Ts.

I have a child that brings a lot of happiness and faith, and I'm an athlete so I train to win, winning brings happiness. Yet lifting weights is more for aesthetics, and even the 20something year old guy at my gym said "you're attractive, intelligent, very nice and a lot of fun, keep doing what you're doing, you look better every day and when you get down to model status a guy will wifey you up". When I was last thin at the club, got an Italian model (who was actually older) told me he wasn't interested in me in the 130s, so I got down to 110 and then he got with me, 4 months later ended up in the ambulance and hospitalized for 3 months and he wanted nothing to do with that. It is sad that you have to get to a certain size for guys to be attracted, especially if it hurts your health. For years in "recovery" I stayed overweight with the therapists saying that people will love you for who you are and not your size, and it really didn't help that much except cause health problems for being overweight. So I decided to drop them and go back.

Now I'll get help yet under the condition that they don't push me to be overweight again, just normal size.

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”
― Les Brown

[LikeAMachine]

Yeah it is a struggle now, both my dr. and my former T want me back getting help so I promised them I would find someone new. My Dr. was upset that I've lost 25 lbs so quickly so I promised both I would interview new Ts.

I have a child that brings a lot of happiness and faith, and I'm an athlete so I train to win, winning brings happiness. Yet lifting weights is more for aesthetics, and even the 20something year old guy at my gym said "you're attractive, intelligent, very nice and a lot of fun, keep doing what you're doing, you look better every day and when you get down to model status a guy will wifey you up". When I was last thin at the club, got an Italian model (who was actually older). It is sad that you have to get to a certain size for guys to be attracted, especially if it hurts your health.

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”
― Les Brown

Your double standards are out of control right now. You’re upset because the fitness, model type guys that you want, want someone who is a fitness model type?

You do see the hypocrisy in this, yes?

[dabigMV]

I find it interesting that you said this man, may I ask why? I've heard this before from a chick or two about me personally - I didn't ask for clarification but it has come up a few times now...



Interesting question. Hmmm, that's tough because you're naturally in a quiet environment and you were getting your stuff to leave if I read correctly - so the interaction wasn't particularly long enough. To highlight the positive, it's a good sign she smiled at you - felt good right? Why do you get nervous around random girls? They know nothing of you - not like you're wearing a tshirt that says FA. Nomsaying? lol.

I'm actually kind of stumped - not going to lie to you. I guess being polite like you were for her would have essentially left a good impression of yourself - What are the chances you'll run into her again? Outside of the library? Is this a girl you've seen plenty before?

Ya I feel a lot better about myself, I am getting loads of attention from girls IRL.. chances i run into her again probably not likely. Lol no i don't display the fact i am fa irl, would never were a foreveralone tshirt even for da lulz.

It is definitely not my looks holding me back, all girls ar receptive when i talk to them (when i am in a positive mood of course only).

I really need to work on my confidence though and social skills.. 100% srs funny story, another situation happened at the library yesterday. This girl was sitting beside me, and mentions she has to go to the washroom so asks me to watch her stuff, so i say sure. She gets back starts saying "thank you so much! Is their anything I can do for you? Do you want me to buy you a coffee?"

This was a girl i did not even know and she wants to buy me something just for watching her stuff for a minute lolwut. I just said no I am good thanks, and the convo died off shortly after. If I had an ounce of social skills i wouldn't be foreveralone.

The same day (yesterdat evening) I was walking to the subway with a few classmates after a midterm (both guys and girls) my social skills were alright in the group. Then the two guys got off after a couple stops on the subway along with one of the girls, so I was left with one girl for the rest of the subway ride. It was pretty bad.. I asked her about her class schedule we talked about that, she mentioned she went on vacation in the summer, i asked her where she went on about that for a few minutes, then the convo started dying. She asked me some questions and seemed interested at the start, but i could not keep the convo going well and i could tell she was losing interest exponentially.

Basically, girls always give me a ton of attention initially but as soon as i start talking to them it goes down exponentially.

[Shoot4hoops]

Your double standards are out of control right now. You’re upset because the fitness, model type guys that you want, want someone who is a fitness model type?

You do see the hypocrisy in this, yes?

Well of course someone who is fit will naturally want someone else who is fit.

I just know getting below a certain body fat % for me means that I'm tired and moody and irrational. Some people can get low in body fat and be fine, others it just messes with our serotonin and hormone levels. An overweight 25 year old guy was raging at me for months for not getting intimate with him, yet every time we went out he down a huge pizza and then said he was "bulking". Yet I didn't see anything else about him inside that was super attractive to me to overlook being overweight and the fact that I was working hard and he gave every excuse to not go to the gym.

I'm not attracted to the guys who have huge egos at my gym - disregard. If the person is nice and with good qualities then that is huge, and I'll overlook that they aren't as attractive as the others.

Yet talking to me now in a state of deprivation of food means irrational arguments, I will admit to that.

I should also add that lifting weights kept me injury free during tennis season, another benefit.

[LikeAMachine]

Well of course someone who is fit will naturally want someone else who is fit.

I just know getting below a certain body fat % for me means that I'm tired and moody and irrational. Some people can get low in body fat and be fine, others it just messes with our serotonin and hormone levels. An overweight 25 year old guy was raging at me for months for not getting intimate with him, yet every time we went out he down a huge pizza and then said he was "bulking". Yet I didn't see anything else about him inside that was super attractive to me to overlook being overweight and the fact that I was working hard and he gave every excuse to not go to the gym.

I'm not attracted to the guys who have huge egos at my gym - disregard. If the person is nice and with good qualities then that is huge, and I'll overlook that they aren't as attractive as the others.

Yet talking to me now in a state of deprivation of food means irrational arguments, I will admit to that.

I should also add that lifting weights kept me injury free during tennis season, another benefit.

Yeah you’re jumping around a lot now. You sound like someone who didn’t have a ton of experience before you got married. You sounds like someone who feels like they “missed out” on their prime and is trying to relive that.

You sound like a lot of guys around here, searching for external validation through the opposite sex. You need to figure out what you want and what you’re not willing to deal with.

For example, I work in a corporate office for a retailer of women’s clothing. There are 100, smoking hot 22-35 year olds around here….well I’d say all but ONE that I know of displays everything I don’t want in a women regardless of how hot they are (and trust me, they are). Regardless of their looks, I know they aren’t the type of people I relate to, I don’t like the things they value in their lives, I don’t want someone who in principally concerned with one upping the other women.

I read on my lunch hour and not “in style” magazine. I read books. ONE, ONE female out of 200 in this office asked me what I was reading and actually wanted to know what types of books I was interested in reading and suggested books she had read that were relevant to my interests.

This made her infinitely more attractive to me. Despite her being brown hair, brown eyes (I love blonde and blue) I could see myself with her.

Chasing hotties won’t make you happy, it will depress you as it does so many of these idiots on this board. Even when you do land one, it isn’t as great as you expected when you have nothing in common.

[Shoot4hoops]

Yeah you’re jumping around a lot now. You sound like someone who didn’t have a ton of experience before you got married. You sounds like someone who feels like they “missed out” on their prime and is trying to relive that.

You sound like a lot of guys around here, searching for external validation through the opposite sex. You need to figure out what you want and what you’re not willing to deal with.

For example, I work in a corporate office for a retailer of women’s clothing. There are 100, smoking hot 22-35 year olds around here….well I’d say all but ONE that I know of displays everything I don’t want in a women regardless of how hot they are (and trust me, they are). Regardless of their looks, I know they aren’t the type of people I relate to, I don’t like the things they value in their lives, I don’t want someone who in principally concerned with one upping the other women.

I read on my lunch hour and not “in style” magazine. I read books. ONE, ONE female out of 200 in this office asked me what I was reading and actually wanted to know what types of books I was interested in reading and suggested books she had read that were relevant to my interests.

This made her infinitely more attractive to me. Despite her being brown hair, brown eyes (I love blonde and blue) I could see myself with her.

Chasing hotties won’t make you happy, it will depress you as it does so many of these idiots on this board. Even when you do land one, it isn’t as great as you expected when you have nothing in common.

Definitely, I met at 15 and married at 22, dated no one else except husband. Women were different back then, there wasn't that slooty phase that most go through now.

That's interesting about the females in your office. They sound like the females from where I live. Good for you for reading books on your lunch hour. I went off of dating sites and have been reading self help books instead.

Yeah many of the guys on here I can relate to, we seek the external high from someone hot to get the the menial tasks in life (work, housework) only to have that person jerk us around and make us more depressed. I usually go for college athletes since I was one myself, yet it's not fulfilling. Just need to get back on track to where I was before all of this happened.

[jamestown0101]

Relationships and Red Flags


Well here we go again ladies and gentleman - another post from yours truly! ; ) keep your comments to yourself! hhahaa. jp

I read these threads pretty frequently on here and the point is this; Just because someone to the eye meets your requirements does NOT mean you should overlook the rest of their personality and attitude because they're attractive to you. srs.

**I went through this a little over a year ago - same scenario. I let looks override what it is I actually wanted and needed. I'm single now, so you can do the math. lol. I'm swear to you all, I will never place an emphasis on looks again in my life. I went through hell for about a year with a girl and it's honestly my own fault. I accept what I did and I paid the price for it.

So say you just met a girl/guy that you think is very attractive, keeps in shape and APPEARS to have themselves together, Sounds awesome right? They're intelligent, witty, funny and all those sorts of great things! It's what you've been looking for right? This whole time, this person has had it all and has just been waiting to find you!

So you go out one night on the town and while out and about a situation arises and you are initially thrown off by it and you simply don't like how this other person had handled it. So what do you do? Do you brush it off and not let it bother you? Maybe the first time you do, but lets say for instance you go out again with this other party and a similar event occurs yet again. At this point, a red flag should be raised in your head and you will find yourself asking - Why? How come this pattern keeps occurring? Why does this person act this way when X,Y,Z happens? 3rd times a charm?

Now what? It's a trend - you're not official yet but you clearly see something you do not envy.

Listen up ALL - this is exactly where I fcked up and I want you take into consideration the point I'm going to make. Some of you will disregard it and you'll have no choice but to learn on your own...

When that red flag is raised in your head there are things you need to consider before proceeding towards a relationship with this person. Why does this person do this? How will it affect me? Us? Is there an underlying issue here? How do other people respond to it?

For example - my last ex had very little respect for anyone. I have respect for majority of people until proven otherwise that they do not deserve it. Though initially she didn't disrespect me upfront it was still something I wasn't very fond of tbh, but I ignored it because it wasn't directed at me. Let me say, after enough time - it WILL be directed at you. This person won't be all sunshine and rainbows forever, eventually a situation will arise where they are comfortable enough being who they truly are and at your expense.

So what I'm saying here is this, if you see something you're not particularly fond of no one is forcing you to continue forward with the interaction. You STILL have a choice to not partake in any of that noise and walk away before you end up in a catastrophic mess. Each and every one of you have the right to walk away from someone once they display a trait or characteristic you do not like, in a relationship or not. No one is forcing you to stay and I want you to understand this is coming from someone who's had their friends ask the question 'Idk how or why you want to deal with that'. It was completely unlike me to allow that sort of thing.

If you see things you do not like, please don't disregard them in favor oh what meets the eye. I'm guilty of it once and I can tell you guys story after story of all the childish things I put up with and it's draining, emotionally draining and frustrating to live through. Save yourselves the trouble. You have a right to be selective in a partner, so do just that. Don't settle for 5/10 of the qualities you're looking for, don't settle for anything less than what you think you deserve - BUT, within reason.

I was discussing "love" that gets tossed around so often and infatuation which is the scenario most of the time. People lust and want to bang it out. I see an attractive girl and I want to put a dent in that. Its just my nature. Like you said, far too often, people overlook the things they buy into, the aesthetic appeal or what is being sold, and a lot of times, its bull****. There does seem to be a lack of unity between men and women now a days. A lot of uncertainty and questions that people are struggling to put together. I notice the moment I was nearing my early to mid 20s, suddenly, maturity, and cereal relationships were the expectations of females. The most ironic factor of all was that, most of them had the porn star kills, some had multiple kids from different men, and bad jobs that is if employed at all. This here is a red flag. Sudden disappearing acts, the silent treatment, taking long periods of time to respond, and playing games is some more red flags. If you have no title, you are single, and if you have a title, and your significant other does not know her role, you sir are not doing it right.