Tips for working out and eating healthy while being depressed from a broken heart

[Gilla81]

Ok, so a quick little background, I'm 31 years old. My girlfriend of 4 years and I recently broke up a few months ago. We lived together for 3.5 years and unfortunately do still live together even though we are not together now. We've been broken up for a few months, so I've gotten much better. The first few months were pretty horrible, living with her was a constant reminder of what use to be. So I've been pretty down and depressed the last few months which has made it really difficult for me to go to the gym. I haven't had much of an appetite, some days the first meal I eat isn't until 4 pm. I haven't counted, but I'm lucky if I'm eating 1000 calories. My meals have become very small and I only eat twice a day. On top of my bad diet, I have lacked the energy and motivation to even get in the gym. I made myself a few times, but my work out was not as intense. I went about a month and a half give or take a few weeks, only working out once or twice a week. Some weeks I would take entirely off. Lately, things feel like they are turning around for me, and I think I'm starting to get over my ex, even though we still live together. We've actually been getting along really well. We've always been cordial through everything. The break up was more about us not being compatible and wanting different things, then anything else. So we still care for one another.

I have an idea of what I'd like to do which I'll list below. I know their is a wealth of knowledge and expereince on the forum. I'm looking to get some feedback and insight from others on the forum who have figured out how to stay in the gym while being depressed. With that said, I should mention at this time I am not going to seed help from a doctor, I don't want to take any meds. My heart is just broken and I'm pretty bummed about it, I don't need meds.

Ok, so my favorite muscle groups to work out are arms, chest, and shoulders. I look forward to these days in the gym. I really enjoy the exercises, and seeing the gains on my body. I've lost quite a bit of weight due to my lack of appetite over the last few months, so I feel incredibly lean so to speak. I've never really worked out my abs much though, so even though I don't have much belly fat, I don't have a six pack to see.

My plan is to work out at least 4 days a week. I plan on working out the following mucle groups on individual days, arms, chest, shoulders, back. Since I enjoy working out back the least, and I personally feel any gains to the chest, shoulders, or back are more visually appealing then my back. That's just my opinion though. I plan on cutting the back from my work out on any week where I'm too busy to make it to the gym 4 times, or too depressed or whatever. I'm assuming by working out my arms, chest, and shoulders, some of the muslces in my back will be worked out as well, so it's not like my back will be completely forgotten. Does that make sense, and is my thought here correct? I realize my back will not see th same gains if I don't concentrate on it like the other muscle groups. The idea is a littel work out is better then no work out at all.

I also plan to work out my abs on the days I work out, and possibly even on a day I don't lift. How many days should I work my abs out to get a nice cut six pack? Also, any suggestions on ab exercises? In the past I get bored with doing sit up and have not been fond of many of the ab exercises I've tried. So any suggestions on exercises, how to stay motived, etc... would be appreciated.

My last issue is my appetite and diet. Unfortunately, I can't force myself to eat. When you have no appetite, it's really hard to eat food. I've been eating a healthy breakfast in the morning of eggs and wheat toast, then usually a protein shake with breakfast, or an hour or 2 later. I'll also eat some fruit, like a banana in the middle of the day. Some days when I do have an appetite, I'll eat a turkey or tuna sandwich on wheat bread, otherwise I usually just eat breakfast and small fruit snacks in the afternoon. Then I'll eat a normal dinner. So lunch is the meal I sometimes skip. Then at night, I'll have anothe protein shake, and maybe a bowl of corn flakes, or a rice cake with some peanut butter. That's pretty consistent during the week, on the weekends I will eat out from time to time. So I don't eat as healthy during the weekends. The majority of my protein comes from Muscle Pharm Combat Powder. I'd say 100 g a day, then however many I eat through food. I would guess probably around 50 g a day from foods like tuna, turkey, chicken, etc... I know this isn't ideal, but will I still see results? Is it better to get the protein from a shake then not at all? I can drink a protein shake anytime, even when I don't have an appetite, so that's why I ask.

I'm trying to make the best of what I can while I snap out of this funk I'm in and get my head back on straight. I feel like right now the best thing I can do that I can control is to focus on my job and getting in shape. I'd like to possibly try and work things out with the ex, but who knows. The best shot I have at doing that is to focus on myself. Getting in shape will only make her more attracted to me, and possibly might help us reunite. If not though, at least I'll be ripped, which will make being single and chasing women that much more fun. So me getting in shape is really a win win for everything. It helps me stay busy and keep my mind off my ex, while also putting me in a good position to either get back with the ex, or have a really great time dating. I know this isn't the ideal work out routine or diet plan, but how does it sound to you guys? Any suggestions? Adjustments I should try? Ab exercises? How to stay motivated? How to work out while depressed?

My goal is to at least do this for the next 2 months or so, by then I should be close to moving out, and feeling like myself again. At which time I will turn it up a notch and hopefully by then have my appetite back again so I can eat better. This isn't a life long plan, just what I'm thinking to help get me through this rough patch.

What do you guys and gals think?

Thanks in advance for your advice and suggestions. Have a great day!

[Gilla81]

Did not mean for it to be that long, sorry about that.

[slashlol]

Took me a while to read all that lol.

Well first of all, sucks to be you, being heartbroken is the worse feeling I know. I'm happy you're getting a little better.

For your routine, even though you don't like working out your back, you need to do it, or you'll get injuries and get even more depressed! Try doing pullups, they work your arms and your back at the same time. Same with cable rows. Also you're forgetting about your legs, try including them as well if you dont want to look unbalanced.

For food, some people say it's easier to "drink" calories, so maybe try a weight gainer? Or drink a lot of milk or something that has protein and a good amount of calories. You won't feel full, yet you'll get a lot of calories. You need to find a way to get a good amount of calories, or you won't get any good results and lose motivation.

I think the gym will help you get rid of your depressed state you're in. You'll have more energy and if you like lifting, you'll have a nice activity to stop thinking about your ex. Focus on work and lifting for a while and you'll eventually get over your ex completely and feel better. Time heals heartbreaks.

I don't really know how to stay motivated that much... I mean... I see results (gaining weight and visible muscle) and it keeps me on track. I give myself objectives, +20 lbs total by the time I start my 5th month of lifting.

If you need anything you can PM me. Good luck and cheers!

[CD101]

Still living together, that must be hard and strange...

I lose myself in a game like Skyrim...all maxed out at +60fps on PC looks amazing

Or the same for battlefield 3 online....sure is a good why for me to keep distracted from this world while my DEATH STAR is being built??????? It better be

[Owlhousespecial]

it may feel like it will never pass but the depression will pass. All negative feelings pass just ride it out and know the pain in your heart wont be there forever. I didnt believe it from my mum but it does not. Anyway let the clean eating and new fitness goal make you feel better emotionally and physically and become truely happy with yourself and you will be way happier and wont need to lower your self esteem because you feel you need her and need to be treated unfairly because you deserve to work on you and love you and thats what your gonna do.

[m314]

I went through this around last holiday season. We were together 4 years, married for the last 3 years of the relationship. I found out about her new boyfriend in late December, and she left on Christmas Eve. We got the divorce finalized in February.

It helped a lot to find a way to go to the gym every day. 7 days a week no matter what, either lifting or cardio. I had zero appetitite too for the first couple months. I lost 20 pounds in the first couple weeks before I started drinking Muscle Milk shakes. Those (or something similar) are an easy way to get in lots of calories with no effort.

It's going to be hard at first, but you really need to get the hell out of there. Cut off contact for a while, I mean zero visits or phone calls for a while. Every time you see her or talk to her, you'll be putting yourself through all the old emotions. Forget about getting back together with her; just let it go. Let her go. Holding on to the past will just extend your pain and keep you in this miserable place in your life.

Once you've been on your own for a few weeks, start meeting new girls and dating again. Don't think you have to wait to get back in shape first, just do it. Dating new girls has a seemingly magical way of curing a broken heart. It still takes time, but if you take this one piece of advice you'll be feeling a million times better in a few months.

[jolanar1]

Moving out needs to be #1 priority. Bodybuilding can wait until you have your life together.

[dirtyram]

I have gone through a few heart breaks. In the process of one right now. Each time it happened, I became a maniac in the gym & worked out most days/wk. I'd let it consume me. Best motivation was improving myself physically, mentally. I'd get some new clothes too. Relationships are tough and can be draining. Pick up and move on, sooner or later she'll just be a distant memory.

[Saskcan]

don't forget the legs!!

[MarinoMike]

Moving out needs to be #1 priority. Bodybuilding can wait until you have your life together.

EXACTLY! Does going to the gym make you happy? I would take some serious time to do only the things that make you truly happy. And if that means pushing 225 pounds off your chest 12 times in a row, then get to it!

[davesterrr]

Most important thing is to bring your life together, whether that's moving out, getting a job, getting better grades etc.
Once you got that covered and you got 4 hours a week spare time, that's when going to the gym helps.
Just remember that your chest can not fully develope if your back is lacking.
That's a good motivator for me to work my back because even though it's not as visible, it will help my chest grow even bigger!

Always remember why you want to get in shape.
I started lifting because i got dumped, my ego got shattered, and even though i know i won't be getting back with my ex, i still want to look the very best i ever looked and get that great body to rebuild myself literally, physically and ego wise.
Always remind yourself of your goals, why you want to lift and then go do it.

About diet, coming from someone who's depressed too, i know what it's like to not have any apetite.
A great diet helps getting you the body you desire a lot faster but don't feel bad if you don't want to eat.
Go to the gym anyway and you'll keep growing/getting more defined/getting stronger every week.
In time you'll feel better and your apetite will go up and your body will already be conditioned to heavy lifting so you'll catch up.
Definitely try to eat though but like i said, if you having a rough time, don't be hard on yourself and still go to the gym consistently.
You'll be aight man.

[Gilla81]

Just remember that your chest can not fully develope if your back is lacking.
That's a good motivator for me to work my back because even though it's not as visible, it will help my chest grow even bigger!

Always remember why you want to get in shape.
I started lifting because i got dumped, my ego got shattered, and even though i know i won't be getting back with my ex, i still want to look the very best i ever looked and get that great body to rebuild myself literally, physically and ego wise.
Always remind yourself of your goals, why you want to lift and then go do it.

About diet, coming from someone who's depressed too, i know what it's like to not have any apetite.
A great diet helps getting you the body you desire a lot faster but don't feel bad if you don't want to eat.
Go to the gym anyway and you'll keep growing/getting more defined/getting stronger every week.
In time you'll feel better and your apetite will go up and your body will already be conditioned to heavy lifting so you'll catch up.
Definitely try to eat though but like i said, if you having a rough time, don't be hard on yourself and still go to the gym consistently.
You'll be aight man.

I was not aware that not working out my back would effect my chest muscle growth. Thanks for telling me.

Dude, the reason you started working out is the exact way I feel right now. I just want to look my very best. I've never had abs in my entire life, so I really just want to be in shape and have that chizzled physique. Thanks man, it's good to know you were in the same spot I'm in right now, and you seem to have got through it all and done well.

[Gilla81]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice and sharing your experiences going through a break up. All of the kind words have helped me a lot. It's nice to know others have been down the road I'm on and made it out the other end.