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  1. #1
    Registered User Ascendedlife's Avatar
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    Awkward situation in my future.

    Hai there new friends in fem misc. I have a situation im going to be in here in about a month or so and Im trying to figure out how best to deal with it and would like some advice.

    Well about 6 months ago ended a really rough situation with my ex. (Eluded to this in previous posts) Took me a while before I felt like myself again mentally and emotionally. For sake of time heres cliffs of 6 month ago situation.

    - Long term GF breaks up with me, is uncertain, says she wants time, we stay close friends
    - Stayed close all summer till new semester
    - Get closer during new semester, seems like we are going to be back together (def not just friends, physically or emotionally)
    - I tell her I still have feelings for her, she responds accepting but still not ready
    - Starts talking to a bunch of guys
    - twice I confront her about a particular guy being honest, calm, respectful, trusting; she denies involvement
    - one week later she talks to me about marriage. 3 weeks later I found out she has been dating the guy I asked her about and has made plans to rent apartment with guy
    - Im devastated, tell her peace out, havnt talked till 3 weeks ago (was in December)
    - she tells me she broke up with newboy a month later and dropped out of school because of severe depression

    Heres the situation coming up. She is in my circle of friends and she has expressed interest in returning to the club I teach.(BJJ club and one of the places we initially met) Im over her and am looking forward to meeting new girls even though I still remember the stuff I went through. (stuff not in cliffs) I also dont feel like I can deny her the chance to train again as most members of the club are her friends and my role in the club is to teach anyone interested.

    Im just trying to figure out how to go about my interactions with her. I was just planning on being neutrally friendly as Im pretty sure when the club meets will only be the time Ill see her. Im also worried that any future GF might get concerned that my ex is training in a grappling club, (though I will def. not be training personally with her.) I know Id be asking a lot of her to be understanding. Ive never been in a situation like this and dont know how to handle it, which is not common for me.
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  2. #2
    Registered User Ascendedlife's Avatar
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    Big cliffs

    -bad situation with ex gf
    -shes gonna be back and around same circle of friends
    -wants to re-join the BJJ club I teach, dont feel I have right to deny her
    -Looking forward to meeting a new girl but worried about reaction knowing ex is in grappling club with me still
    - dont know how to handle this situation
    Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.

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  3. #3
    Wearing Muscles 24/7 danap3681's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ascendedlife View Post
    Big cliffs

    -bad situation with ex gf
    -shes gonna be back and around same circle of friends
    -wants to re-join the BJJ club I teach, dont feel I have right to deny her
    -Looking forward to meeting a new girl but worried about reaction knowing ex is in grappling club with me still
    - dont know how to handle this situation
    If you live in a small town like I do... it is hard not to bump into an ex. We have limited things to do around here. Hopefully your new gal will not have a problem with your ex and you being around each other.

    Not much for advice but best of luck to you. Maybe the new girl will just be smiling because when you leave from the gym the ex knows you will be returning to your new GF.
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  4. #4
    Registered User Ascendedlife's Avatar
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    Ascendedlife is offline
    Originally Posted by danap3681 View Post
    If you live in a small town like I do... it is hard not to bump into an ex. We have limited things to do around here. Hopefully your new gal will not have a problem with your ex and you being around each other.

    Not much for advice but best of luck to you. Maybe the new girl will just be smiling because when you leave from the gym the ex knows you will be returning to your new GF.
    Haha, I like this response. I got to a University with over 13,000 students. Basically I live in a city within a city and have gone whole semesters where I dont see a particular person I know so Ill either see her frequently or not at all. Since December Ive generally avoided functions I knew she would be at. (there werent many)
    Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.

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  5. #5
    Banned SultanaK's Avatar
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    Cut off all interactions. Only responds if she approaches you but never initiate it. Keep things short if she initiates any interaction. Being as cold turkey as possible would be the best approach.
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    Registered User Sarah4Fitness's Avatar
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    Ascended - sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on it already. You're aware of potential problems down the line, and you intend to keep your interactions with this girl professional and distant. Best thing to do moving forward, is if you and a potential girlfriend decide to become exclusive, let her know at that point you have an ex who works out at your gym. Being up-front is a great way to avoid conflict later.
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    If the future gf is secure with herself and you, it shouldn't be a problem.
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  8. #8
    Turning Betas into Gammas Wyomann's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SultanaK View Post
    Cut off all interactions. Only responds if she approaches you but never initiate it. Keep things short if she initiates any interaction. Being as cold turkey as possible would be the best approach.
    Seems a bit harsh, everyone will notice that kind of thing if he ignores her completely.


    IMO OP, it is time to nut up and become a man. Sometimes relationships don't go so well, but fu** it, there are a lot of good women out there who have the sexiness. Just be mature about all of it. You can be friendly with her, but don't flirt and don't lead her on or give her any ideas about messing around; if you can do that. The problem with ex's is that old feelings can arise if you start flirting and let them in too close, so don't let it happen. It will cause problems for future girlfriends if you let the "fooling around" go on.

    If you are truly over her then you have to treat her just like any other girl you aren't interested in. You idea of "I was just planning on being neutrally friendly as Im pretty sure when the club meets will only be the time Ill see her" is spot on, as long as you can do it. A lot of guys can't behave that way because of jealousy, immaturity, they aren't actually over it, etc....
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  9. #9
    Banned SultanaK's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wyomann View Post
    Seems a bit harsh, everyone will notice that kind of thing if he ignores her completely.


    IMO OP, it is time to nut up and become a man. Sometimes relationships don't go so well, but fu** it, there are a lot of good women out there who have the sexiness. Just be mature about all of it. You can be friendly with her, but don't flirt and don't lead her on or give her any ideas about messing around; if you can do that. The problem with ex's is that old feelings can arise if you start flirting and let them in too close, so don't let it happen. It will cause problems for future girlfriends if you let the "fooling around" go on.

    If you are truly over her then you have to treat her just like any other girl you aren't interested in. You idea of "I was just planning on being neutrally friendly as Im pretty sure when the club meets will only be the time Ill see her" is spot on, as long as you can do it. A lot of guys can't behave that way because of jealousy, immaturity, they aren't actually over it, etc....
    Yeap, you're right. If OP can do this, it would be best.
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  10. #10
    Registered User Ascendedlife's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wyomann View Post
    Seems a bit harsh, everyone will notice that kind of thing if he ignores her completely.


    IMO OP, it is time to nut up and become a man. Sometimes relationships don't go so well, but fu** it, there are a lot of good women out there who have the sexiness. Just be mature about all of it. You can be friendly with her, but don't flirt and don't lead her on or give her any ideas about messing around; if you can do that. The problem with ex's is that old feelings can arise if you start flirting and let them in too close, so don't let it happen. It will cause problems for future girlfriends if you let the "fooling around" go on.

    If you are truly over her then you have to treat her just like any other girl you aren't interested in. You idea of "I was just planning on being neutrally friendly as Im pretty sure when the club meets will only be the time Ill see her" is spot on, as long as you can do it. A lot of guys can't behave that way because of jealousy, immaturity, they aren't actually over it, etc....
    Yeah Im a really self-controlled guy but Im slightly concerened that old hurt rather than feelings are gonna come back and Im gonna un-intentionally be a dick to her. Shes had a lot of **** happen in her life and while I know it sucks I cant commit myself to reaching out to her but I dont want to come off as an ass either.

    Another life situation where I get to test myself! Im kinda excited now. Ive got some good friends and some good advice from you guys so Ill def keep this in mind. Thanks.
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