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  1. #1
    king of the nutmisc johnpagnolo's Avatar
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    most embarrassing moment...

    I know yal think I am this invincible attention whore hating uber-man. But...I am human just like you.

    Here is a true story of the most embarrassing moment of my life... in cliffs format.


    - Senior Prom 2006
    - Went out to fancy restaurant with date
    - Was driving to prom and farting to make my date laugh
    - Pushed too hard and sh!t my pants
    - Dropped date off at prom
    - Drove home yelled at my mom to get me fresh underwear/cleaned my ass
    - Went to prom and had good time
    - Returned rented tux with dookie stains (not a single **** was given)


    EDIT...THIS STORY IS 100% TRUE!!!!
    Last edited by johnpagnolo; 04-20-2012 at 01:42 PM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User FitnessCPA's Avatar
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    Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

    Anyway...
    If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

    Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

    I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

    So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

    So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

    As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

    I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

    I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

    At that point things get even worse...

    The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

    I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

    she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

    At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

    she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

    I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

    At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

    I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

    she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

    I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

    She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

    about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

    All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

    to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

    This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

    anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?
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  3. #3
    we flawless illiniStrive's Avatar
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    at work, can't stop laughing

    you fckers
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  4. #4
    Registered User Kirra's Avatar
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    You should have included the pics you phaggot.

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  5. #5
    Registered User Nycholus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by johnpagnolo View Post
    I know yal think I am this invincible attention whore hating uber-man. But...I am human just like you.

    Here is a true story of the most embarrassing moment of my life... in cliffs format.


    - Senior Prom 2006
    - Went out to fancy restaurant with date
    - Was driving to prom and farting to make my date laugh
    - Pushed too hard and sh!t my pants
    - Dropped date off at prom
    - Drove home yelled at my mom to get me fresh underwear/cleaned my ass
    - Went to prom and had good time
    - Returned rented tux with dookie stains (not a single **** was given)
    If I graduated in '07 and I'm 22 now... how did you go to senior prom in '06 at the age of 21?
    Check out my MyoBuild/AlphaTest Log in the "Sponsored Supplement Logs" section!!!
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  6. #6
    Registered User risingcougar's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by illiniStrive View Post
    at work, can't stop laughing

    you fckers
    This. I am seriously crying right now. REPPED. This is so fcking hilarious......I just pooped a little I think.
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  7. #7
    king of the nutmisc johnpagnolo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nycholus View Post
    If I graduated in '07 and I'm 22 now... how did you go to senior prom in '06 at the age of 21?

    wait sorry...2002...College Senior year was 2006...time flys.


    My story is 100% true.
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  8. #8
    Anti-Parrot PWOGasMan's Avatar
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    waiting for embarrassing story to be posted
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  9. #9
    Registered User gamer123's Avatar
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    This is not funny when I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
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  10. #10
    Registered User FitnessCPA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kirra View Post
    You should have included the pics you phaggot.

    http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...0921191&page=1
    That's hilarious!
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  11. #11
    Registered User axxlef's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by johnpagnolo View Post
    wait sorry...2002...College Senior year was 2006...time flys.


    My story is 100% true.
    The only problem i have with this story is i find it hard to believe you have ever had a date.
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  12. #12
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    Originally Posted by axxlef View Post
    The only problem i have with this story is i find it hard to believe you have ever had a date.

    Delirious Mutant.
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  13. #13
    Registered User jetserx888's Avatar
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    I about fell off my chair laughing so hard....

    We need some more of these!
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  14. #14
    rainy day in pizzaville snrygo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jetserx888 View Post
    I about fell off my chair laughing so hard....

    We need some more of these!
    dem misc reposts
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  15. #15
    witty comment goes here SimonThePieman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by axxlef View Post
    The only problem i have with this story is i find it hard to believe you have ever had a date.
    However I do believe he went to a high school prom aged 22
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  16. #16
    Registered User moonfarious's Avatar
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    op my prom is tmorrow(srs) what should i expect lol
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  17. #17
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    I pissed my pants once on an aquaduck in 5th grade...
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  18. #18
    Registered User gamer123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DTrulez616 View Post
    I pissed my pants once on an aquaduck in 5th grade...
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  19. #19
    king of the nutmisc johnpagnolo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by axxlef View Post
    The only problem i have with this story is i find it hard to believe you have ever had a date.
    I am currently dating a 9/10 female...I am open to the opportunity to date a 10/10 tranny though.
    Originally Posted by snrygo View Post
    dem misc reposts
    DEAD SERIOUS my story is 100% true. I swear it happened. I sh!t my pants at prom.
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  20. #20
    Registered User Nycholus's Avatar
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    The timing now makes more sense lol... I'm not sure which story I like better though... They're both pretty ****ty...

    ;/)
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  21. #21
    rainy day in pizzaville snrygo's Avatar
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    i was referring to post 2
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  22. #22
    Registered User FitnessCPA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snrygo View Post
    i was referring to post 2
    What about it? It's hilarious.
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  23. #23
    Kfme psychodiver9's Avatar
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    Op calls out spicy for being an attention whore then makes attention whiting thread. Classic
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  24. #24
    rainy day in pizzaville snrygo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FitnessCPA View Post
    What about it? It's hilarious.
    Def not denying I lmao'd, I was just making the painfully obvious statement to the poster above me that they were misc reposts
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  25. #25
    we flawless illiniStrive's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by johnpagnolo View Post
    I am currently dating a 9/10 female...
    surely you know the rules
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  26. #26
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    Originally Posted by snrygo View Post
    Def not denying I lmao'd, I was just making the painfully obvious statement to the poster above me that they were misc reposts
    Gotcha.
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  27. #27
    wants to be called Dan. hcoyle545's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FitnessCPA View Post
    Gotcha.
    was completely unaware and lolled from start to finish.

    can't even fukkin rep.
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  28. #28
    Registered User FitnessCPA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by johnpagnolo View Post
    I am currently dating a 9/10 female
    What is the other 10%?
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  29. #29
    do u even lift? ven33's Avatar
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    Saw John call himself an "uber-man". LOL'd at the fact that he is as beta as it ****ing gets.
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  30. #30
    king of the nutmisc johnpagnolo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by psychodiver9 View Post
    Op calls out spicy for being an attention whore then makes attention whiting thread. Classic
    Spicy is a beyond an attention whore. She is just an outright she-bitch.

    Originally Posted by ven33 View Post
    Saw John call himself an "uber-man". LOL'd at the fact that he is as beta as it ****ing gets.
    Ven33...you are the #1 whiteknight I have ever met.

    I get the vibe you have a crush on me...if you want, we can exchange nudes?
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