Shocked at how unsupportive friends have been....:(

[beebra]

Hi all, I hope you are all feeling good and working hard.

I have been wondering if any of you have experienced anything like what im going through. When I made the desicion to finally get healthy, sure, I want to look good, but im thinking about when I get older, and the health benefits it will bring. Ive quit smoking, I never really drank alcohol in the first place, and ive given up the old cardio, super low calorie way of thinking. Im working out 4-5 times a week, mostly lifting with a little interval training, have lost 16lbs this year and have managed to retain my lean mass...(have only toned up so far....wouldnt say ive gained a lot of muscle yet)..........so all my friends start asking what im doing to look so good.....and then the trouble starts.

sure i wish my friends were healthier, BUT, i would never push what im doing on them. If they see the light and want support, Id be the first to do it, but i dont want to be a pain in the ass about what ive learned, so apart from my husband...I dont discuss my diet or workout plan unless im asked a direct question about it. I completely get that my friends want me to tell them that as long as they go to one zumba class a week thats enough to let them over eat every other day and still become an athlete. Its driving me crazy that all they do is ask me questions....yet they dont like the answers, and say im obsessed, or taking things to extremes. I have one friend in particlar who continually comments on my "obsessive eating" He asked to come to the gym with me the other day....and mentioned half way through the workout all he had eaten today was a slice of bread. it was 2pm in the day by this point. I asked how he can think im the crazy one when ive had, a protein shake, egg whites, oats, fruit, and a chicken salad so far, and was planning my next meal? He responded by quitting weights, and going for a "run" on the treadmill at 6km per hour lol. Im a little fed up with people asking for my help, but then continually putting me down. Its actually becoming an issue between us all and I can feel the tension. I dont care what they do with thier bodies....and i dont comment when their lunch is a can of dr pepper and a brownie, so why do people think its ok to put you down when you want to change your life and get fit??

anyone else had something like this happen?

[AshBob87]

I kinda know how you feel with that and the tension it can create. Although it's not the same situation, I get that with my best friend too and I know its because of my eating problems that she finds when I talk about working out or weights, that I'm obsessed and she finds it quite sick but I dont mean it in that way at all. And I explain that I'm wanting to change my lifestyle, eat clean and workout good. I plan things- it doesnt mean my life revolves around it or I have a 'breakdown' if I can't workout. I think its best to plan but others think not and see it as weird.
I've tried to explain about how good it is to lift weights and HIIT and how that works but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I even try and tell my family too, with eating clean food and regular, not rubbish or things that will just spike your levels...but again it's a waste. Although they aren't against what I'm trying to do now.

I think sometimes it's easier to say nothing lol. Because I know that I start to feel wound up when it causes conflict and I think- ok well its right for me and doing something good not bad. At least there's plenty people online who do understand and don't find it 'crazy'.

[beebra]

i know - i do try to say nothing, but i get quizzed all the time. its like they want to be better, but when you explain what it involves or show them an example of a programe they start saying " thats insane, no way id do that" and im thinkin........"erm, that was a beginners routine". I think im just a little upset as these are people ive know 10 years plus, and i although i didnt expect them to understand or do it with me.....i didnt expect nasty comments. If a few of us get together, they all laugh and say.."ooh, are you going to enter a competition when you have big muscles" or " you can lift me soon with your big hulk arms" It does hurt me a little, but whenever they laugh and say, "you will be able to lift me soon" ...im smirking in my head and thinking...."guuurl, I squated twice your weight today" hahaha.

[WariorGoddess]

Female weight-lifting can get very lonely at times my friend...in real time that is! We're always here to listen and look forward to hearing about your latest goals and accomplishments

The 'others' just don't get it!

Stay true to yourself and lift heavy

[beebra]

Female weight-lifting can get very lonely at times my friend...in real time that is! We're always here to listen and look forward to hearing about your latest goals and accomplishments

The 'others' just don't get it!

Stay true to yourself and lift heavy

THANKS! and you are right, on all of the above.

[MNTiburon]

i know - i do try to say nothing, but i get quizzed all the time. its like they want to be better, but when you explain what it involves or show them an example of a programe they start saying " thats insane, no way id do that" and im thinkin........"erm, that was a beginners routine". I think im just a little upset as these are people ive know 10 years plus, and i although i didnt expect them to understand or do it with me.....i didnt expect nasty comments. If a few of us get together, they all laugh and say.."ooh, are you going to enter a competition when you have big muscles" or " you can lift me soon with your big hulk arms" It does hurt me a little, but whenever they laugh and say, "you will be able to lift me soon" ...im smirking in my head and thinking...."guuurl, I squated twice your weight today" hahaha.

People like to marginalize things they don't understand. Chalk it up to ignorance. My sister lifts too but her experience has been mostly positive. She lives in Minneapolis, which is relatively progressive when it comes to gender roles. Actually a lot of her friends are jealous of what she has accomplished.

[kjake55]

It can be really tough at times but hang in there! You're doing this for yourself and your own well being not anyone else's so who cares what they have to say right. This forum is probably going to be one of your "best firends" after a while bc you have women (and men) here who understand and respect what you're doing and trying to accomplish. The next time someone wants to ask your advise and then give you a hard time just shrug and tell them to look at you and then look at themselves, and ask who looks better!?! End of story girl! Now go out there and hit 'em hard.

P.S. nice to have you on board.

[AshBob87]

i know - i do try to say nothing, but i get quizzed all the time. its like they want to be better, but when you explain what it involves or show them an example of a programe they start saying " thats insane, no way id do that" and im thinkin........"erm, that was a beginners routine". I think im just a little upset as these are people ive know 10 years plus, and i although i didnt expect them to understand or do it with me.....i didnt expect nasty comments. If a few of us get together, they all laugh and say.."ooh, are you going to enter a competition when you have big muscles" or " you can lift me soon with your big hulk arms" It does hurt me a little, but whenever they laugh and say, "you will be able to lift me soon" ...im smirking in my head and thinking...."guuurl, I squated twice your weight today" hahaha.

Yeah, it can become tedious too when they do have a go. And I know with comments I've had regardless of what I've done, im trying to do things right now and still get hurt with things like 'but you were mental' ....yeah thats helpful! And like you said, your not forcing them to follow what you do. It's for yourself and if anyone tries to better themself or really enjoy something, then its not getting in the way of anyone else's life.
Keep smirking in your head because damn your gonna be right lol!! You can prove them wrong in an instant and I'm sure they wouldn't have a quick comeback then. It's all to do with the whole stereotype people have of weights.

[megdaig]

I can sympathize. It's an ongoing battle and we may never win [in educating the lazy people that is.]

I get the "but you've alway been in great shape", "I can't believe you can eat like that and stay 'thin'", "I don't have your genes and could never achieve that"... But when you explain that you were always in shape because....you work your butt off and don't eat a lot of junk or that eating "like this" happens once every few months and is a treat and not a typical meal or my entire family is either overweight or straight up obese, people immediately stop listening. It's not the answer they want to hear. What they truly want is for you/us to validate their bad habits and lack of trying by telling them "of course you can eat a #10 super sized McD's garbage 3 times a day and do only 30 minutes a day 3 times a week of "exercise" and maintain this/lose weight.".

We live a day and age of entitlement and laziness. A lot of people accept mediocrity and then there is those of us that eliminate the 'C' word [can't = cringe] and all negativity from our lives and just frickin harden the fawk up and get on with it...

Don't let them slow you down. Continue to educate them if they ask and don't waste your energy unnecessarily. They'll either eventually come around or they continue to fail..that's their choice.

/rant

[kjake55]

We live a day and age of entitlement and laziness. A lot of people accept mediocrity and then there is those of us that eliminate the 'C' word [can't = cringe] and all negativity from our lives and just frickin harden the fawk up and get on with it...

/\/\ this is the best I've ever heard it put! So true!

[sonti]

A bit of disent here but I've never really understood these issues. How do they know if you don't bring it up? Of course people think it's weird to eat protein shakes etc... I dunno. As much as 'we' in a fitness lifestyle like to complain about those who 'can't', really, 'we' are jsut on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of weird. The majority of people in this world walk to the market, walk to work, do farm/yard work all day, and eat a nice hearty meal with family at night. Surely it is no surprise when one encounters criticism/balking at such a bizarre dedication to intentionally paying a monthly fee to do labour and drinking powder in water???

[Kricket09]

Yes! all the time. A close friend of mine is always asking for "help" and then when i give her some advice she turns around and spends 3hrs a week doing hot yoga and another 3 doing cardio kickboxing. ( I love those classes too, but they dont get you very far:/ ) Ive learned to pretty much stop giving advice unless someone shows me they are really serious about it...
How about the"youre too skinnny" comments, or you can have an extra slice of pizza you can afford it. I swear as soon as I lost weight my friends thought i was "too skinny" its almost a jealousy thing, like as long as i was a little bit chunkier than them they were ok with it, but they cant handle me being in the best shape of my life!

I just have to keep reminding myself this is something im doing for me, and for nobody else. It really doesnt matter what anybody thinks about my diet or my training because I know that Ive made a good decision, for me.

[NatK]

Yes I know what you mean. It's like dieting and getting in shape is a sin to those who don't care about diet and exercise. The "I don't give a sh*t" attitude makes me cringe (I got that statement from my brother). I just ignore now. Also, I encounter people who compare their 17 year old self to me, "when I was younger I was like a size 0, I worked out 3 times a day. Now when I workout I get so bulky it is embarrassing.". FIRST off.....I have never work out 3 times a day!! SECOND, you can't get bulky!! But they don't listen. Oh one more sine I'm on a rant....."doctor says to lose 15 pounds and I can get my surgery (csection flap) for no cost, but I just won't give up chocolate, it's my lifeline."......ok whatever you say. That is why I say nothing. I do this my health now and the future. Nobody decides that except me.

[jolanar]

I agree. I've learned to just never bring up anything about diet or exercise unless I am asked a specific question. Even then people just tell you you are wrong.

[FarrahS723]

My family gets on me a bit about my desire to be fit and healthy. They thinks it's "out of hand" to go to the gym four days a week, weight my portions, and count calories. However, I can tell they are happier that I feel more confident and a boost in self esteem, since I've had body image issues for some time.

But yowza, I have some coworkers that are something else. Broscience flying across my cubicle and on FB, constant talk of their "killsessions" and entering "beastmode," scattered in with discussion of cleanses, gaining 10+ lbs of muscle in a month, etc. While it is reaaaaaaaaally difficult, I keep my mouth shut. Their business is their business. I have to stay focused on my goals.

[kjake55]

A bit of disent here but I've never really understood these issues. How do they know if you don't bring it up? Of course people think it's weird to eat protein shakes etc... I dunno. As much as 'we' in a fitness lifestyle like to complain about those who 'can't', really, 'we' are jsut on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of weird. The majority of people in this world walk to the market, walk to work, do farm/yard work all day, and eat a nice hearty meal with family at night. Surely it is no surprise when one encounters criticism/balking at such a bizarre dedication to intentionally paying a monthly fee to do labour and drinking powder in water???

I guess when people ask about it weight loss & fitness we may give TMI. Sometimes I think I would be better off when someone asks me how I lost weight or what I'm doing these days to just give the standard cheerios commercial line "whole grains" and be done with it! And I do think you're right that we all must appear a little crazy to the "outside world" I've even been known to joke with my trainer after and especially rough session that Geez and I'm paying you for this! (as I'm gasping for air and chugging water! lol)

[jiorgie]

I get the same things from the people around me. Get used to it... People want to hear the easy way out. People also tend to look at things in a general way rather in details. This is why the bro-science is off the charts with so many people.

If people ask for help and do not like the answer then just blow them off. They don't deserve to know anything if they do not want to have an open mind about what truly works and what is stupidly retarded.

There is only a hand full of people that has actually listened to the advices I have given. They have yet to regret any of the information they learned from me.

You should check out my 12 week progress thread. I also went through that to prove some of the people around me wrong...

Oh, people misunderstand stand the difference between obsession and dedication...

[penny0527]

I get the "but you've alway been in great shape", "I can't believe you can eat like that and stay 'thin'", "I don't have your genes and could never achieve that"...

/rant

Dont forget "It's so easy for you."

Most everyone here has dealt with this. I dont tell people. they dont want to know. even if they act like they want to know they really dont. just generalize your answers and leave it at that.

[MNTiburon]

Women have it harder than men because of our culture's obsession with being thin. Going on a fruit diet is fine and people will applaud you. But pick up a pair of dumbbells and start squatting the eyes will start to roll. I noticed on a recent episode of Biggest Loser one of the women used to lift and they made her stop. They made bodybuilding out to be a hindrance to a healthy lifestyle. Yes if your goal is solely to lose weight cardio burns calories faster, but they are NOT mutually exclusive!

[pinkminx]

Yeh I totally understand this!! I don't really see my family & friends very often as I live away now so it kinda makes things even worse as they see the changes in a bigger way! Even more so recently that I've had endless questions on how to do it, asking for advice - none of which they actually seem to want to hear the answers to! Very strange! & as for the criticism over a dinner table or the next 'drink', well I'm not even going to go there! Apparently I am obsessed!!
I'm now at the point where it's a running joke between me & the other half! They complain about their weight, diets etc & never DO anything about it, & as for the Zumba class haha!!!
I haven't found the answer yet except to never speak about it I guess- which is hard seeing as its my lifestyle which I enjoy!
As my partner says, talking to people about our healthy lifestyle is like highlighting everything they do wrong ie: smoking, drinking, takeaways etc!

I love this site, lots of like minded 'obsessed' people ;-)
Sending lots of protein filled love to you all

[beebra]

. Going on a fruit diet is fine and people will applaud you. But pick up a pair of dumbbells and start squatting the eyes will start to roll.


Exactly this! - if I had shown up at dinner and said I was only eating cabbage soup for a month as im on a diet, I would have been applauded! lol.....

Thanks for letting me vent everyone...im glad im not alone and have you all to share this with.

[stephanielynn76]

I agree. I get lots of e-mails/pm's online as well as people in real life that wanna know how I get/stay fit. They never like the answer. I think they honestly believe I'm going to reveal some unknown fitness secret and are very disappointed to hear it's a lot of hard work and discipline. Errybody wanna be fit but nobody wanna put down the twinkies and lift some heavy ass weight!

But yeah, I hear ya about the unsupportive friends and family. It was all good when I was lifting and eating crap. It's when I started counting calories and actually getting lean that the issues began. I often feel like my family tries to sabotage my diet. I get the "you're too thin" comment way too often. Yes, I know I'm thin... that's the point. Since I cleaned up my diet I've withdrawn more and more from friends as well. All they wanna do is get together and eat and that whole situation makes me uncomfortable. I'm worried they will either make me feel bad about my food choices, or THEY will feel bad choosing unhealthy options when I'm sticking to my goals. Either way, it's uncomfortable. I am planning to enter a show in June and my family all seem to just be in denial about it. It's like they hear me talking about it but don't think I'll actually DO it. Except for the support I get here, I'm often my own cheerleader. WariorGoddess is right, loneliness abounds in this lifestyle.

[RunninTight]

I get a lot of this too. I have so far lost a total of 65 pounds and at first everyone was very supportive. When I started running they thought I was a little crazy. When I started running long distances and training for my first half marathon they thought I was seriously insane.

Almost all of the criticism I have gotten has come from my female friends. Men have been really supportive. Except my Dad who is convinced I have an eating disorder. My female friends will ask for advice and completely disregard what I have told them. Which is fine, to each their own. But then they ask for advice again a week later. They don't really say much to me but there is always a slight tension. They are my friends and I know they love me but it is almost a jealous undertone.

I will say it in this instance...Woman Logic!

[jenl]

The majority of people in this world walk to the market, walk to work, do farm/yard work all day, and eat a nice hearty meal with family at night. Surely it is no surprise when one encounters criticism/balking at such a bizarre dedication to intentionally paying a monthly fee to do labour and drinking powder in water???

I don't think this statement is true at all, certainly not for the "world" people who post on these boards live in. If you're talking about rural China, India, Africa I'd say yes a lot of people do still walk to places and still do manual labour, where the food they put in their mouths is worked off by a hard day's work. If the majority of the people in the world lived their lives like that we wouldn't have the current levels of obesity.

I don't think the OP is complaining about people thinking her life choices are weird, it's that people ask how she made her life changes and don't like being told that it actually requires work, dedication and reducing the excess and over consumption that exists in our lives. People don't like to be told (whether inadvertantly or not) that their weight/fitness is the product of the choices they made.

My advice: When they ask, tell them honestly and openly how you did it (exercise and nutrition). When they start teasing simply smile and say "I found a way that works for me and gives me the results I want. I'd love to hear how you achived the results you wanted." I'm betting none of them are happy with their current physique, fitness level and effort/lack of food they have to put in to maintain it.

[sonti]

I don't think this statement is true at all, certainly not for the "world" people who post on these boards live in. If you're talking about rural China, India, Africa I'd say yes a lot of people do still walk to places and still do manual labour, where the food they put in their mouths is worked off by a hard day's work. If the majority of the people in the world lived their lives like that we wouldn't have the current levels of obesity.

I'm not talking about just the 3rd world places, people in Japan, Korea, and most of western Europe, don't go to the gym as commonly as those in the US, Canada, UK etc.

[sonti]

People don't like to be told (whether inadvertantly or not) that their weight/fitness is the product of the choices they made.

And my question is this... why is it that people who are 'new' to the fitness lifestyle always encounter this problem?

It's like the girl who just started her diet - THEY ALWAYS TALK ABOUT IT and invite it! Sorry, but I see this happen all the time. They are new, they love it, they inadvertently do things like drink protein shakes at family gatherings or blah blah blah about the gym and then wonder why they get people's attention. I used to work with a group of women, the ones who used to yap the most about their 'lifestyle' were the girls that just started working out and were hardly a spitting image of fitness. The only ones who didn't talk on and on? Me, a lifter of 7 or so years, and another girl who actually competes in figure.

Of course people don't like being lectured and told they are not disciplined or eat too much. Especially when they are being told by someone who 'has just seen the light' themselves.

It's like the person who quit smoking last month is the first one to get annoyed by a smoker....

[NatK]

So true!!

Errybody wanna be fit but nobody wanna put down the twinkies and lift some heavy ass weight.

[kimm4]

And my question is this... why is it that people who are 'new' to the fitness lifestyle always encounter this problem?

It's like the girl who just started her diet - THEY ALWAYS TALK ABOUT IT and invite it! Sorry, but I see this happen all the time. They are new, they love it, they inadvertently do things like drink protein shakes at family gatherings or blah blah blah about the gym and then wonder why they get people's attention. I used to work with a group of women, the ones who used to yap the most about their 'lifestyle' were the girls that just started working out and were hardly a spitting image of fitness. The only ones who didn't talk on and on? Me, a lifter of 7 or so years, and another girl who actually competes in figure.

Agreed^^

Completely new to this lifestyle and all a sudden everyone wants your help. The truth is if you don't talk about it, people wouldn't even notice.

Just being honest.

[MelnCrash]

I have just recently lost 10 pounds and i still have really high body fat, yes i look better now than i did 2 months ago but some people at work (yep the overweight ones) are commenting that i work out 'too much' and i should stop now because i look 'good' now (they don't see the rolls of fat under the clothes though)
Duh if i stopped i would just get fatter again! Lucky for me the health and fitness people are work outnumber the lazy ones by far so i always have someone to talk to. Also helps that we get free personal training at work for free so its a great team building thing!

Also i got really lucky with my friends - We all used to be 'party' kids but now that we grew up a bit i think 75% of us are really into workout out and lifting now

[5more]

I feel your pain. Just remember We've all got your back girl!