Completely lost with my exercise, I need to rant.

[Vampgaze]

Well guys I'm really down in the dumps today regarding my personal progress and my journey towards my end goal.

A little about me is I started practicing a healthy diet and exercise routine a year and a half ago. I weighed in at 240 lbs 6'0 and knew I needed a change. I was huge, terrible eating habits, looked horrible. Anyways I've lost 80lbs in total and am weighing in at around 165 (I can never get a accurate number it always seems to be different). I started off the journey doing the gym idiot sort of gig, terrible lifts and lots and lots of cardio. I achieved my weight loss but it was due to an extremely low calorie deficit (Id say 1600-2000) I never really recorded my intake.

I am sitting here now, 165lbs (or 170+, binge ate this past weekend fuaarrkk) and someone said my BF% was an estimated 15-16%. It's really bad because my LBM is just so god damn low and I am really making this post for the following reasons.

I took the pic I've attached about 2 weeks ago. I decided to start a clean/controlled bulk. I calculated my BMR + TDEE and it gave me a good starting point and everything diet wise is going fine. My diet has been great for the past few months, I've really learned so much about dieting and macro nutrients, IIFIYM etc. The diet part I have down pat. It is the LIFTING part that I am ****ing horrible at.

I commit to the gym, 3x a week. Everyday @ 7 a.m, I do my compound lifts, Squats, Deadlifts, Bench, OHP, Bent Over Rows. I am going by Rippetoe's starting strength routine and trying my best to record all my lifts and increase them. My lifts are low. My squat is at 190, deadlift is around 135, and my bench is 135.

I GO IN THE GYM, TO DO MY SQUATS, I've been squatting for 2+ months, increasing weight as I go, thinking my form is fine. I have hurt my ****ing back. Been a week and a half and the pain is still there. I must of leaned to far forward during my 200lb attempt and I was following linear progression rules and it was just ****ing dog heavy. I am so frustratred that I have hurt myself. I have studied form vids like a hawk the entire time. I feel like I will never get anywhere. I've posted form vids, I have corrected my issues, but still, hurt myself. I workout alone, nobody to watch what im doing, say "HEY BUDDY, STRAIGHTEN THAT BACK OUT, WATCH THAT BUTT WINK" god damn so frustrating to never know what is going on. I finish all my sets of squats, say 180 3x5, don't feel a god damn thing. AND IT'S HARD. I NEVER FEEL ANYTHING AFTER MY WORKOUTS.

Deadlift, I do the bar with some 45 plates, don't feel a ****ing thing. Form in my head seems fine, seems like such an unnatural movement though and I get pissed off. I bend over, break the knees to the bar, chest out, pull up, seems fine. Put the bar back on the ground again. The god damn exercise hasn't made me feel anything. Not one ****ing thing. I walk away from a 3x5 deadlift with 185 on the bar even for a set or two and still don't feel a thing. Like what the ****?? It is a god damn struggle to get that amount of weight up. Don't feel a thing.

Bench Press I seem to be doing fine on, I am at 130 with Dumbells, ****ing thrown off of barbell because I tried it solo one time and failed it hard, got into a tight spot and had to have some dude lift up the bar off my chest when I only had like 90lbs on it (When I first started lifting), I am god awful weak I feel like I am getting nowhere.

I HAVE THE MOTIVATION, THE DIET IS IN CHECK, MY COMMITTED TO 3x A WEEK IS IN CHECK, MY LIFTING I JUST ****ING SUCK AT IT AND I FEEL LIKE IF I START A BULK DIET, I AM GOING TO JUST GET FAT AND GAIN NOTHING IN THE WAYS OF MUSCLE. I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT DOING IT RIGHT AT ALL. I'VE HAD FORM CHECKS, PEOPLE TELL ME IT LOOKS GOOD/DECENT, GOD DAMMIT.

So here I am, 165, high BF%, Hardly any LBM. With a hurting back. What. The. ****. Can anyone give me some motivational stuff so I can try and gather my thoughts? I just needed to rant this out, maybe someone else has gone through this kinda ****, maybe not. I don't even know what I should do. I just want to know I'm doing the right things in there.

[Diesel293]

[Vampgaze]

Nice, also forgot to add (so into this rant lol), (srs), was in a calorie surplus, rested a lot and disciplined as hell.

[jholder86]

Suck it up man! You've already achieved a lot by dropping all that weight. If you hurt your back then lay off the squats and deads for a while. I'd say try body squats or just the bar to gauge how your back is doing. And I think one of your problems is too few sets and reps. For squats I think you should be doing 3 sets 8-12 reps not including your warmup set. For dead lifts I'd say 5x5, if you don't feel anything after 5 sets then I dunno what to tell you! And if you are really committed then maybe look into 4 or 5 days a week. And get back on barbell bench! Nothing wrong with DBs but don't give up on a lift cuz you goofed one time! The great thing about lifting is if something isn't working you can change it! So quit focusing on the negative and the past, read up on some routines and regroup. Then get your ass back in the gym and get to work!

[jholder86]

PS I'm not dogging on the SS routine just saying if it's not working for you then you can change or tweak it. Good luck man!

[WarWithWeakness]

Patience, dude. Keep doing what you're doing.

A couple of months is nothing. Come back in a couple of years and bitch about it, until then, you've got to pay your dues, and that's what this time is; just keep going.

Ignore the internet and it's endless procession of people proclaiming near overnight transformations, there are variables and explanations for them all. In honesty, this is going to be a slow process. Embrace it, and enjoy the journey.