My guide to immortality

[crazylad29]

Quit all caffiene

quit all high sugar foods, espcially soft drinks

quit smoking

quit alchohol

quit porn, ****s up ur reward circuit nerve system yourbrainonporn.com

quit tap water, buy a distiller or a reverse osmosis system, flouride nd many other chemical, also the dirt and **** that is in ur water kills u

take protein shakes

quit fast foods

never sleep in, wake up when ur body tells u too.
or on the opposite, make sure u get enough sleep

eat enough fruit/veg

do stretches every morning

take cold showers

throw out ur tv as it just wastes time

throw out your microwave

now everybody feel free to disagree, or even to add to the list

[StrongRepublican]

Quit all caffiene

quit all high sugar foods, espcially soft drinks

quit smoking

quit alchohol

quit porn, ****s up ur reward circuit nerve system yourbrainonporn.com

quit tap water, buy a distiller or a reverse osmosis system, flouride nd many other chemical, also the dirt and **** that is in ur water kills u

take protein shakes

quit fast foods

never sleep in, wake up when ur body tells u too.
or on the opposite, make sure u get enough sleep

eat enough fruit/veg

do stretches every morning

take cold showers

throw out ur tv as it just wastes time

throw out your microwave

now everybody feel free to disagree, or even to add to the list

Lol @ a 16 yr old's guide to "immortality." Strong irony ITT

[brendbro]

you forgot 'stop masturbating', sh!t will kill you

[Siafu4Life]

throw out ur tv as it just wastes time

If I'm immortal, how relevant is the time that television will waste?

*Edit* - And I'll continue to watch ESPN, and take my chances. Thanks.

[FallenEngel]

Squatznoatz

[Cumulonimbus]

facepalm

[PhiSig2298]

Sticky Material

[lovingit]

quit alchohol
quit porn

Stopped reading after these.

[HeavyMetalLover]

Quit all caffiene

quit all high sugar foods, espcially soft drinks

quit smoking

quit alchohol

quit porn, ****s up ur reward circuit nerve system yourbrainonporn.com

quit tap water, buy a distiller or a reverse osmosis system, flouride nd many other chemical, also the dirt and **** that is in ur water kills u

take protein shakes

quit fast foods

never sleep in, wake up when ur body tells u too.
or on the opposite, make sure u get enough sleep

eat enough fruit/veg

do stretches every morning

take cold showers

throw out ur tv as it just wastes time

throw out your microwave

now everybody feel free to disagree, or even to add to the list

[vitornoob]

Should be sticky !!!

[phal]

Forgot:

Quit posting.

[axxlef]

Quit all caffiene

quit all high sugar foods, espcially soft drinks

quit smoking

quit alchohol

quit porn, ****s up ur reward circuit nerve system yourbrainonporn.com

quit tap water, buy a distiller or a reverse osmosis system, flouride nd many other chemical, also the dirt and **** that is in ur water kills u

take protein shakes

quit fast foods

never sleep in, wake up when ur body tells u too.
or on the opposite, make sure u get enough sleep

eat enough fruit/veg

do stretches every morning

take cold showers

throw out ur tv as it just wastes time

throw out your microwave

now everybody feel free to disagree, or even to add to the list

if you quit all these things you will not live forever,but it will sure as hell feel like it

[ANIMALISTIKZ]

immortality exist guise

[AlmostDecent]

Quit all caffeine

quit smoking

quit alchohol

quit porn, ****s up ur reward circuit nerve system yourbrainonporn.com

take protein shakes

do stretches every morning

now everybody feel free to disagree, or even to add to the list

As pointed out, it is quite ironic having a 16-year-old starting a "Guide to Immortality". Here's a tip from someone who is a bit further down the road: don't go overboard on the extremes or absolutes (except for the smoking), in life you will be far better served by learning and applying moderation. Of course, in some cases you may feel that you are unable to exercise genuine moderation, or soon lose control, in which case an extreme may be your best solution, but overall my advice is to live a little, and instead cultivate the discipline to use moderation in most of the things above.

Oh, and yes, there is one really glaring item missing:

Exercise one hour every day.

[AdamWW]

You forgot to add "no carbs after 6pm".

Seriously OP, you're off to a bad start, but thanks for the laughs.

[AdamWW]

Sticky Material

Especially the porn part... Hayooo!

[ThePinsir]

Quit all caffiene

quit all high sugar foods, espcially soft drinks

quit smoking

quit alchohol

quit porn, ****s up ur reward circuit nerve system yourbrainonporn.com

quit tap water, buy a distiller or a reverse osmosis system, flouride nd many other chemical, also the dirt and **** that is in ur water kills u

take protein shakes

quit fast foods

never sleep in, wake up when ur body tells u too.
or on the opposite, make sure u get enough sleep

eat enough fruit/veg

do stretches every morning

take cold showers

throw out ur tv as it just wastes time

throw out your microwave

now everybody feel free to disagree, or even to add to the list

why cold showers and microwave?

[SoulZeppelin]

OP should throw out his computer. He missed that on his list.

[sepul^]

Drinking distilled water or water that has been treated with by reverse osmosis will be detrimental to your health. Having said that, I have recently and unofficially heard from a reliable source of organophosphates (a class of pesticide) being found in (very low quantities) in drinking water of a wealthy western country.

Point on moderation by AlmostDecent - I half agree. It's often spouted that moderation with everything is a healthy way of life, but in reality this is only true for some things (alcohol is one of them, and dependent on your genetic predispositions to cancer and heart disease). For example, eating fast food in moderation isn't going to benefit your health.

[TomBremner]

you forgot 'stop masturbating', sh!t will kill you

lies, it makes you go blind!

[TomBremner]

OP, seriously, GTFO. This is seriously the most epic fail i'v ever seen. EVER.

[axxlef]

just realised i do just about everything on that list that im not supposed to WHEN WILL I DIE?

[Andrew_S]

Most important step...you gotta collect them heads.

[AlmostDecent]

Point on moderation by AlmostDecent - I half agree. It's often spouted that moderation with everything is a healthy way of life, but in reality this is only true for some things (alcohol is one of them, and dependent on your genetic predispositions to cancer and heart disease). For example, eating fast food in moderation isn't going to benefit your health.

Since I clearly stated not everything was benefited by moderation, and gave a clear example, I'm not sure what your point is. As to fast food, I disagree. A person's health is not merely biomechanical and occasional fast food will certainly not do any harm to his physical health. Since the OP will be flooded (and already has) with a list of DOs and DO NOTs, the majority of which are as wrong as pointless, they will actually detract from his well-being in life. You can already see the signs in his list, with no fast food, no high-sugar, and of course a believed requirement to drink protein shakes. These exclusions and inclusions are completely unnecessary. If he decides to break his self-imposed rules, by eating a sundae, or enjoying a cheeseburger, he will suffer from feelings of guilt which are a great way to acquire an eating disorder.

[juliacheh]

wtf do people need this immortality for?
brb I's rather die at 50 with a young lover in bed than live till 70 will full blown dementia.

[desslok]

This is almost stupid enough to be a yahoo health article.

[kkaustin812]

I'd rather remain a mortal and continue doing all these super fun things!

[chike22]

wtf do people need this immortality for?
brb I's rather die at 50 with a young lover in bed than live till 70 will full blown dementia.

Abso-f*cking-lutey. Could not agree more!

[trance__dreamer]

never sleep in, wake up when ur body tells u too.

LOL. that's what "sleeping in" is. waking up w/o an alarm & going back to bed if you're still tired & require more sleep before you begin your day off.

you so crazy.

you better not tell me to quit daggers. i fukin' love 'em, brah!

[sepul^]

Since I clearly stated not everything was benefited by moderation, and gave a clear example, I'm not sure what your point is. As to fast food, I disagree. A person's health is not merely biomechanical and occasional fast food will certainly not do any harm to his physical health. Since the OP will be flooded (and already has) with a list of DOs and DO NOTs, the majority of which are as wrong as pointless, they will actually detract from his well-being in life. You can already see the signs in his list, with no fast food, no high-sugar, and of course a believed requirement to drink protein shakes. These exclusions and inclusions are completely unnecessary. If he decides to break his self-imposed rules, by eating a sundae, or enjoying a cheeseburger, he will suffer from feelings of guilt which are a great way to acquire an eating disorder.

I'm afraid not. You said most of the things above, and gave the one exception of smoking. I was just articulating what you were not able to or chose not to. Your attempt to draw a connection between cheeseburger guilt and eating disorders is making you look a bit silly. Although I do agree that the mental aspect to health is probably under-appreciated, but no doubt most people will use this as an excuse to justify their weak will power and indulge more often than they ought to.

juliacheh and the others - That's all well and good, but if something ever goes wrong with your body before you reach 50 you would have wished that you looked after your health. Then once you get to 50 you'll realise that you still feel like a 25 year old and want to keep on living. Without health you don't have much, so be wise, use some foresight and appreciate it while you've got it.