ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

**_Roidz_** · 09-06-2011, 10:52 PM

OK brahs, this is something we all go through at least once in our life, and I see a lot of threads about it on here so I thought I would compile the advice that I think works, feel free to add on to it or challenge anything I say, also feel free to share experiences. It will be a long read, if you are not going through it, or do not wish to contribute, you best be on your way.

1. No contact rule: When you first break up, I feel this is a must. Delete the phone number, delete the ********, get rid of any of her friends which may lead you to snooping on her. This is the hardest part of the process in my opinion and there will be times of weakness where you will grab for the phone, stay strong.

2. Out of sight, out of mind: Delete any photos of you together, any gifts she may have bought you, just anything that reminds you of her. If they are important items you can get away with packing them into a box and sticking them somewhere you will never look, or even give it to a friend to hold onto.

3. DO NOT stay friends: This applies just after the break up, when you still have feelings for her. You will not be able to get over her if you are around her or talking to her. She will just use you as an emotional tampon and use the friendship as a way of checking up on you. When your feelings for her have completely dissipated, then you can THINK of becoming friends, but this is usually after quite a few months depending on the seriousness of the relationship.

4. Listen to your gut: In my LTR I knew when we were done, yet I held on for comfort reasons. You become so accustomed to them being there, you do not want to lose them. To save yourself the pain later down the track, end it when you know it is over. Be true to yourself.

5. Be around people: Breaking up is one of the most stressful times in a persons life, you need people around you for emotional support. Disregard all that alpha, beta stuff from the misc and be true to your own feelings. It is OK to feel like crap for a while, just surround yourself with people who care for you and will listen to you.

6. Accept it is over: She is not coming back, and even if she does because she thinks she has made a mistake, do not take her back. You will know it is done but want that comfort to return, it may in the short term but I guarantee you will be left feeling worse then before if you choose this route.

7. Time heals all: When you first break up you think that she was the one, you will never find somebody like her. In reality you will be thinking this about every girl you are with from here on out. Once the emotions have time to settle, you will realise her downfalls and pick things which you didn't like about her. Everyone always moves on and is happy, all it takes is time, don't rush it.

8. Avoid alcohol: I know many people drown their sorrows in alcohol, but it is actually a depressant and you will find that you end up feeling worse then when you started. So try and avoid drinking your issues away.

9. Be aware of her games: Your ex will most likely monkey branch onto someone else, as females have a bit of an issue with being alone, they are always seeking male validation. This is where the out of sight, out of mind principle pays off. Do not stalk her ********, delete ******** altogether if you have to, as when you see this you will most likely be crushed. But remember, she will eventually have to deal with what has happened and go through the same emotional torment you are now. This is usually when she realises that her new guy is just a replacement and comes crawling back to you. DO NOT BUDGE!

10. Avoid the revenge mentality: No matter how bad the break up was, regardless if she cheated or whatever, try and avoid doing things for revenge. By all means focus on improving yourself, but do it for YOU, not so you can show her how you have improved. This revenge mentality makes the feelings last a lot longer as you are binding yourself to her, without even realising.

11. Accept the emotions you will feel: In the time immediately after a break up, you will be swamped with different emotions. You will miss her like crazy, you will feel like you messed up, you will feel angry at her, angry at yourself etc etc. Take these emotions and turn them into something positive, in this case in the gym. Use the rage, use the hatred, spur yourself. These emotions will pass, just give it time.

12. Talk to other girls: Creating new friendships with the opposite sex after the break up can take your mind off things, but be careful in how you approach it. I personally don't feel it is a good idea to go out with the mentality, bang everything in sight, as it can set you up for failure. Just enjoy the company.

13. It is all hormones: It may seem cold, but all you are feeling is due to hormones. Love is literally like a drug, the act of validation from a person you have an emotional connection with releases what are known as "feel good" hormones (I wont bore you with the science). When you break up, you no longer get this "fix", this is why you become desperate to get her back, you are going through relapse. You have to fight it, like you would drug or alcohol addiction, this is why we delete the numbers and ********. Keeping her contact details within reach is like an alcoholic keeping drinks lined up in-front of them. We all know how it will end.

14. Dating outside strict religions does not work: If you are thinking of committing to a girl who has a strict family who is adamant she dates within her religion/race, do not go there. In the beginning the excitement of going behind her parents back will excite her, this fades, and both of you will feel quite guilty. The relationship is destined to end.

15. There are only ever 2 options: When you begin to date someone, there is only ever 2 options. You will either 1. get married (not likely) or 2. break up (very likely). Just remember this when entering a relationship, can you honestly see yourself living with her for the rest of your life? I didn't think so.

That is all I can think of for now, if you wish to add to the list feel free, also if you want to discuss something, go ahead.

PS: This is all formed from my personal opinions and the reading I have done here from posters such as Doc and Janky, but in the end everyone is different.

**goodthings** · 09-07-2011, 12:47 AM

pretty good post from a 20 year old, cant disagree with or add anything to that other than to say avoid revenge in all cases, it makes you look like a dick. everyone,including your ex, will be far more impressedby your ability to move on and become a better person, his is THE only form of 'revenge' worth pursuing.

**_Roidz_** · 09-07-2011, 01:03 AM

Firstly I thank you for reading, and yeah a lot of guys fall into the revenge trap and it becomes a battle on who can outdo the other. This does nothing for you in the long term except restrict possible progress.

**_Roidz_** · 09-07-2011, 05:07 AM

Shameless bump for the night.

**Quibble** · 09-07-2011, 05:29 AM

I don't believe in the never take her back sh!t unless she actually cheated on you or pulled some really disrespectful sh!t. At the very least u can always get a couple more fuks in if you mantain hand and its at least a year or more later. Especially if you have a sh!tload more status/looks/whatever when she comes crawling back. Women only leave you because they think they can do better. If they truly cant do better and are approaching over the age of 25 and you are clearly superior to your former self, why not fuk her some more? Assuming this time round you have pussy lined up on the side and dont fall into the same trap again.

**DeBaie** · 09-07-2011, 07:12 AM

I think the main thing you are missing is ones aesthetics.
The only thing that can help overcome some feeling of insecurity/vulnerability is rebuilding your confidence. We're human so if the break up has any meaning at all, we'll need to deal with it like a man. Whether that's by hitting the gym hard, acing some tests, or doing some volunteer work... you'll feel better about yourself knowing you are pushing yourself to become a better person.
That said, this is integrated to ALL of your points as it keeps you busy, social, and takes time

Repped by the way.

**SrT4u2Nv** · 09-07-2011, 09:27 AM

Definitely some sound advice. I have been unhappy for about 3 years in a 4 year relationship but I am to comfortable to get out of it. She's done nothing wrong and tries to correct any problem, I have with her. I'm just not attracted to her, and we don't have fun together anymore. The relationship honestly is boring and its bc she is. I need to sum up the alphaness inside and end it bc I'm being selfish and thoughtless. I'll definitely take your advice OP. relationship honestly is boring and its bc she is. I need to sum up the alphaness inside and end it bc I'm being selfish and thoughtless. I'll definitely take your advice OP.

**nvrstopworking** · 09-07-2011, 09:32 AM

Nice post OP. Repped.

**AisR** · 09-07-2011, 10:17 AM

Well written!

About number 13, I sometimes have some trouble with that. For example, when I was together with a girl, she told me I had to text her when I drove alone from her house to my house. Because otherwise, she would be worried, she said. However when she broke up with me I never had to send that text again...

It kind of depresses me to think that I just had to text her because those hormones probably made her feel worried if she would lose me in an accident or something. But as soon as she lost them it didn't really seem to matter anymore...

Am I thinking to negative here? I probably am...

Oh well, repped ya.

**DeBaie** · 09-07-2011, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by SrT4u2Nv

I need to sum up the alphaness inside and end it bc I'm being selfish and thoughtless. I'll definitely take your advice OP.

You're doing her a favour too bro. Don't be selfish.

**Illuminati666** · 09-07-2011, 12:05 PM

man, i wish i knew all this when i broke up with gf. I was such a sad ass then it makes me cringe.

**killerobotninja** · 09-07-2011, 12:41 PM

Very good advice for the virgins of the misc.

**Amel** · 09-07-2011, 04:15 PM

this is great

especially for youngsters of this misc

**formpolice** · 09-07-2011, 05:21 PM

Good post, agree with most of it. Repped.

**Acesopro** · 09-07-2011, 05:53 PM

Good read.

**_Roidz_** · 09-07-2011, 06:49 PM

Originally Posted by Quibble

I don't believe in the never take her back sh!t unless she actually cheated on you or pulled some really disrespectful sh!t. At the very least u can always get a couple more fuks in if you mantain hand and its at least a year or more later. Especially if you have a sh!tload more status/looks/whatever when she comes crawling back. Women only leave you because they think they can do better. If they truly cant do better and are approaching over the age of 25 and you are clearly superior to your former self, why not fuk her some more? Assuming this time round you have pussy lined up on the side and dont fall into the same trap again.

I think it is hard to be completely emotionless when it comes to a physical relationship, but that is just my take. If you can sleep with her and not have feelings flood back, more power to you.

Originally Posted by SrT4u2Nv

Definitely some sound advice. I have been unhappy for about 3 years in a 4 year relationship but I am to comfortable to get out of it. She's done nothing wrong and tries to correct any problem, I have with her. I'm just not attracted to her, and we don't have fun together anymore. The relationship honestly is boring and its bc she is. I need to sum up the alphaness inside and end it bc I'm being selfish and thoughtless. I'll definitely take your advice OP. relationship honestly is boring and its bc she is. I need to sum up the alphaness inside and end it bc I'm being selfish and thoughtless. I'll definitely take your advice OP.

I can relate with that from my previous relationship, but trust me if you do not end it now on your terms, she eventually will. That will hurt you more then you can imagine, dont worry about being alpha, just be honest with yourself and with her.

Originally Posted by AisR

Well written!

About number 13, I sometimes have some trouble with that. For example, when I was together with a girl, she told me I had to text her when I drove alone from her house to my house. Because otherwise, she would be worried, she said. However when she broke up with me I never had to send that text again...

It kind of depresses me to think that I just had to text her because those hormones probably made her feel worried if she would lose me in an accident or something. But as soon as she lost them it didn't really seem to matter anymore...

Am I thinking to negative here? I probably am...

Oh well, repped ya.

You are not thinking negative it is just the bluntness of the situation which you are coming to terms with. One day they are there and worrying about you, and sometimes quite literally the next day it is all gone. Your body has to readjust to the situation, and this will take time being away from her. Dont worry, feel free to talk it out if need be.

**randomguy20** · 09-07-2011, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by AisR

Well written!

About number 13, I sometimes have some trouble with that. For example, when I was together with a girl, she told me I had to text her when I drove alone from her house to my house. Because otherwise, she would be worried, she said. However when she broke up with me I never had to send that text again...

It kind of depresses me to think that I just had to text her because those hormones probably made her feel worried if she would lose me in an accident or something. But as soon as she lost them it didn't really seem to matter anymore...

Am I thinking to negative here? I probably am...

Oh well, repped ya.

real sht right here

**Trem24** · 09-07-2011, 08:11 PM

Solid. I'd rep ya, but you get dem grays.

**_Roidz_** · 09-08-2011, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by Trem24

Solid. I'd rep ya, but you get dem grays.

All good man, just doing it to help the misc out.

**DaviMack** · 09-08-2011, 09:27 AM

rep just got by a break up my self keep your head up stay positive and talk to more women its going to seem like she is the only women in the world and it will seem that way until you talk to more

**jujuB** · 09-08-2011, 10:07 AM

your last point makes it seems pointless to get into relationships lol. two ends of the spectrum, marriage or breaking up, one is bound to happen.

i also share that same view, i'd just bang other chicks till i found the right one to make a gf.

**Caesar735** · 09-08-2011, 10:10 AM

this should probably be stickied to avoid 1/2 of the dumbass threads that are made now

**jamestown0101** · 09-08-2011, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by Caesar735

this should probably be stickied to avoid 1/2 of the dumbass threads that are made now

Recgonizing your genius once again.

Reps to you & OP.

**Candees** · 09-08-2011, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by Caesar735

this should probably be stickied to avoid 1/2 of the dumbass threads that are made now

Impossible, because every guy thinks HIS relationship was DIFFERENT!

**james18** · 09-08-2011, 12:28 PM

If you were in a long term relationship and your girl really loved you but you didnt feel the same anymore how should you end it with out her getting hurt or angry.? is there a way.

**Caesar735** · 09-08-2011, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by jamestown0101

Recgonizing your genius once again.

Reps to you & OP.

somehow you're on spread still after like a month

Originally Posted by Candees

Impossible, because every guy thinks HIS relationship was DIFFERENT!

but...... but it was

you just dont get it, her and i had something special. I really felt she was the one and she told me she loves me, and she doesn't just put out easily I have to work hard
I think that time at the party when she got drunk and hooked up and got pregnant with that other guy was his fault because he took advantage of her!!!!!

**Candees** · 09-08-2011, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by Caesar735

but...... but it was

you just dont get it, her and i had something special. I really felt she was the one and she told me she loves me, and she doesn't just put out easily I have to work hard
I think that time at the party when she got drunk and hooked up and got pregnant with that other guy was his fault because he took advantage of her!!!!!

The answer will come within the first 3 posts, but they will continue to bump it every 3 hours for an answer they're willing to accept (e.g., not the truth).

**Caesar735** · 09-08-2011, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by Candees

The answer will come within the first 3 posts, but they will continue to bump it every 3 hours for an answer they're willing to accept (e.g., not the truth).

dont even get me started on retards like that, I used to post advice in this subforum until I realized that every thread ends like that

**_Roidz_** · 09-08-2011, 11:42 PM

Originally Posted by jujuB

your last point makes it seems pointless to get into relationships lol. two ends of the spectrum, marriage or breaking up, one is bound to happen.

i also share that same view, i'd just bang other chicks till i found the right one to make a gf.

It is not quite pointless, it is just that most people live in the Disney world where everything always works out, when in reality it does not.

Originally Posted by Candees

Impossible, because every guy thinks HIS relationship was DIFFERENT!

Yeah I cannot even remember the number of times friends have said "but we are different". I think everyone has to go through the rough stages of relationships before they realise that in MOST cases, it ends the same way.

Originally Posted by james18

If you were in a long term relationship and your girl really loved you but you didnt feel the same anymore how should you end it with out her getting hurt or angry.? is there a way.

Just be straight up man. There is no point holding onto something that you know is not going to last, be fair to yourself and to her. If you do not do this, she will eventually sense your distance and will probably end up breaking up with you. Then you will just feel crap, and slightly embarrassed.

Originally Posted by Caesar735

somehow you're on spread still after like a month

but...... but it was

you just dont get it, her and i had something special. I really felt she was the one and she told me she loves me, and she doesn't just put out easily I have to work hard
I think that time at the party when she got drunk and hooked up and got pregnant with that other guy was his fault because he took advantage of her!!!!!

I do not know the back story to what is going on here but not sure if srs lol.

**_Roidz_** · 09-11-2011, 02:38 AM

Bump for the newly single.

Thread: ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

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