ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

[SrT4u2Nv]

Morning bump for awesome life changing info. Fyi I haven't broken up yet with gf. I'm working on it slowly and distancing myself from her as much as possible.

[Acidvoodoo]

Good thread. i believe in all the points. Unfortunetly im also having probs with my relationship but as a twist we live together so making any decision to end it is complicated as i feel shed make it as hard and expensive for me as possile. Sigh.

[_Roidz_]

Morning bump for awesome life changing info. Fyi I haven't broken up yet with gf. I'm working on it slowly and distancing myself from her as much as possible.

I am guessing this is a long term gf?

Good thread. i believe in all the points. Unfortunetly im also having probs with my relationship but as a twist we live together so making any decision to end it is complicated as i feel shed make it as hard and expensive for me as possile. Sigh.

What are the problems you are having? If it is not too personal that is.

[TheBateman]

roidz i keep emailing her man telling her to tell me that she is over me and etc fmml

[_Roidz_]

roidz i keep emailing her man telling her to tell me that she is over me and etc fmml

You know it is over, what are you hoping to achieve? Seriously I am curious as to what you think you can gain from this?

[TheBateman]

You know it is over, what are you hoping to achieve? Seriously I am curious as to what you think you can gain from this?

i dont know man, maybe get back together?
i know hses not good for me but stll

[_Roidz_]

i dont know man, maybe get back together?
i know hses not good for me but stll

But still what? The only way you are going to get over this is if you rationally talk this out. You obviously don't know she is no good for you, you are just saying what people want you to say. If you believed it you would not be contacting her. Now what is it that you believe?

[_Roidz_]

Night bump.

[_Roidz_]

Bump!

[stev310]

Good stuff brah I agree with everything here

[Aliman]

Great stuff, certainly helped me in my recent and painful breakup

[Bombers]

gjdm. Went through this since April after 2.5 yrs relationship and pretty much did everything on the list post-breakup. She was my first everything so it was definitely hard making adjustment to the single life. We have the same circle of friends so it's gonna be weird to be around her next January when she comes back from studying abroad. I hope I don't catch feelings again lol. :\

[MattCav]

Am mirin that awareness... very nice OP

[_Roidz_]

gjdm. Went through this since April after 2.5 yrs relationship and pretty much did everything on the list post-breakup. She was my first everything so it was definitely hard making adjustment to the single life. We have the same circle of friends so it's gonna be weird to be around her next January when she comes back from studying abroad. I hope I don't catch feelings again lol. :\

Yeah I hear that man, it is always hard when they are involved in your social circle, that is why I try to keep friends separate. I can tell you have your head screwed on straight so it should be fine, maybe a little weird when you first see her but in the long run without hanging out with her too much, it will be fine.

[Unorginator]

I agree with the OP. I wish more guys followed this so they would stop acting like beta *******s.

I will add that if she asks to for you back, DON'T DO IT FOR THE LOVE OF JEBUS!

Why would you get back together with someone who broke up with you? THEY DECIDED TO LEAVE AND THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN. Do enjoy being on an emotional rollercoaster? You shouldn't. It's exhausting, so get off you *******.

[bilaba70]

Subbed.

[SrT4u2Nv]

Yes, it was a long term relationship. A little more than 4 years and lived together for the last 9 months. Deep down inside since the beginning I didn't want to be with her but did bc I was comfortable. She was an amazing gf. I had almost complete freedom to go out. Just had to check in once in awhile. She rarely went out but if she did I had complete trust in her. She has two decent jobs and is emotionally stable. Her close family moved away which is hard but has some around still. But with all that said and done I just felt like I still wanted to live the single life. I went out every weekend, I made a lot of girl friends but never cheated or thought about it. So as of yesterday I ended it. I can't do this to her or myself anymore. I'm 27 and she's 23 and she has a lot going for her and a lot more of her life to live and I can't take that from her by leading on. I was hoping someday I would have a change of heart but it just wasn't there. There wasn't that spark. It was a one sided relationship, she was loving and caring and so was I to a point but nothing like what she deserved. So, if anyone feels like this please do yourself and your spouse a favor and end it. This was four years coming and God count my blessing there aren't any kids involved. It's going to be tough these next few days, weeks maybe months. But it's truly for the best and I will be putting those posts advice into action. She still has to get her stuff from my apt but I told her it's over.

[_Roidz_]

Yes, it was a long term relationship. A little more than 4 years and lived together for the last 9 months. Deep down inside since the beginning I didn't want to be with her but did bc I was comfortable. She was an amazing gf. I had almost complete freedom to go out. Just had to check in once in awhile. She rarely went out but if she did I had complete trust in her. She has two decent jobs and is emotionally stable. Her close family moved away which is hard but has some around still. But with all that said and done I just felt like I still wanted to live the single life. I went out every weekend, I made a lot of girl friends but never cheated or thought about it. So as of yesterday I ended it. I can't do this to her or myself anymore. I'm 27 and she's 23 and she has a lot going for her and a lot more of her life to live and I can't take that from her by leading on. I was hoping someday I would have a change of heart but it just wasn't there. There wasn't that spark. It was a one sided relationship, she was loving and caring and so was I to a point but nothing like what she deserved. So, if anyone feels like this please do yourself and your spouse a favor and end it. This was four years coming and God count my blessing there aren't any kids involved. It's going to be tough these next few days, weeks maybe months. But it's truly for the best and I will be putting those posts advice into action. She still has to get her stuff from my apt but I told her it's over.

You have no idea how much respect I have for you right now. Telling someone who you care about and are comfortable with that you no longer want to be with them is one of the hardest things to do in your life. You are one of the few guys I have EVER seen who is true to themselves. I applaud you for that.

[_Roidz_]

Bump for those in need.

[SrT4u2Nv]

You have no idea how much respect I have for you right now. Telling someone who you care about and are comfortable with that you no longer want to be with them is one of the hardest things to do in your life. You are one of the few guys I have EVER seen who is true to themselves. I applaud you for that.

It is to this date the hardest thing I had to do. 5 years ago i was engaged and 3 months before the wedding I got home from my second job and her folks and her sat me down and told me to leave our apt we had together and to contact everyone and tell them its over. I felt like crap and I hated calling and tell all my friends and family and apologizing to them all for whatever time and money they've spend. But this was harder... I love her and she loves me... I just don't love us and rather then let this continue on. I said I'm sorry but this has to end. It seemed selfish and I thought about it for months, and I thought everything out but I had to do it. I didn't want to be the one to break up with her years down the road 3 months before our wedding. It still hurts, its only been a 3 days and her stuff is still in my apt. Matter of fact she's picking it up tonight but it had to be done. I'm leaving this afternoon bc I don't want her to see me. She said she doesn't care but I know better. To any folks that need help please relate to this post and/or message me. At the end of the day this is possibly the least selfish thing I can do bc she shouldn't be with someone that is faking the relationship.

[JKub]

just got out of a rather intense and serious relation****...thanks for the pointers, much appreciated!

[b0yer]

Great post.

Summed up what the RH guys say to a newly single guy. Follow these rules and you will be just fine. You could add hitting the gym really hard to the post as well. Takes your mind off of the relationship a bit and gives you something to look forward to each day.

[Dim3nsion]

What if you were married to and have a child with the bitch.. How do you forget her then? Need some advice on that one.. I feel like no matter what I cant get her outta my head. Fn bitch ruining my family. Ugh anyways Im not gonna go ranting and crying about the whore. Done that enough already just need some advice on handling it when you had a family w/ em.

[I_am_awesome08]

What if you were married to and have a child with the bitch.. How do you forget her then? Need some advice on that one.. I feel like no matter what I cant get her outta my head. Fn bitch ruining my family. Ugh anyways Im not gonna go ranting and crying about the whore. Done that enough already just need some advice on handling it when you had a family w/ em.

Sorry about that man.

[JKub]

What if you were married to and have a child with the bitch.. How do you forget her then? Need some advice on that one.. I feel like no matter what I cant get her outta my head. Fn bitch ruining my family. Ugh anyways Im not gonna go ranting and crying about the whore. Done that enough already just need some advice on handling it when you had a family w/ em.

maybe give counselling a go? they probably had some guys with your situations go through their doors, so they may be able to help more than misc

[Dim3nsion]

Sorry about that man.

Thanks bro

maybe give counselling a go? they probably had some guys with your situations go through their doors, so they may be able to help more than misc

Yeah I have really been considering it just because things have not really gotten any easier. Im forced to see her and deal with her because of our daughter and she is just heartless. Doesnt even care how much if affects our little girl. Alot is my own fault because I shoulda gotten away from her long ago and then wouldnt have ended up with a child together or getting married, but no I thought oh she will change. She was great for awhile, but that quickly went down hill. Long story and I wont go into it because crying about it does nothing positive for me. & ive been rather beta lately. But she just ****s with my head. Ill give in spend time with her things will be going great then we get in a fight and bam she hates me wants me to leave her alone and nothing to do with her. Well typically I let it get to me and will continue to text and contact her which Ive learned is my ultimate mistake because its me being a weak bitch. I mean she really ****s w/ my head. Ive went before ingorning her and doing wtf she wanted which is give up then she sends me **** like how can you save a marriage if you wont even talk to me.. Send me pics of her and my daughter.. Just ****ed up **** because she knows I care and whatever she can to get into my head. Like we had been hanging the past few weeks. Got into a fight Thursday and she then is all like Im done dont talk to me again just leave me alone. Then the bitch texts me Saturday like everything is all fine and says "Lets meet for dinner". I had my daughter and she wanted to all go eat as a family then me come watch a movie. Wtf? Just the day before you hate me and now you act like everything is fine? She has to be bi-polar or something right? I said **** it this week, decided to be a hardass, and say I dont give a ****. She isnt talking to me at the moment, but she will go back to trying to before too long Im sure. It just sucks because I do miss gal I do want it to work because my little girl loves us being together, but I just cant keep playing game and dealing with getting played like a puppet. Gotta keep myself strong and the next time she texts or calls I plan to just ignore her. Im forced to see her when I pick up my daughter or we have to talk about my daughter, so during those times Im just gonna do my best to act like my daughter is all that matters. Basically be like look bitch im doing fine, im confident, look good, and dont give a **** about you. Its her loss and I hope one day my daughter will understand and doesnt let her mom corrupt her as well. Bitter yes I know. But **** **** is hard

[Dim3nsion]

Bumping thread for more advice. I know my last post is beta as **** and tldr, but **** I need to vent

[Alar]

my Cousin is in the same situation as you Dim3nsion. His woman left him, and the kid, after she cheated on him and they at first still saw each other and talked about things but just like your case she would mess with his head and tell him how bad of a father he was or that he was the worst boyfriend and on other days she would tell him how much she missed him and how she wish it would all work out. It is a vicious cycle when one tries to give a response to something that sounds good when really it is only feeding into the others insecurity of themselves about why they left to reassure them they made the right decision even if it actually wasn't. To reassure them that they actually don't need you or are better off with you and that you are worse without them. It is because they are too proud. As soon as he realized this, all of his focus was on his daughter, nothing else, not his ex woman, but the one who he cared most for and the one who needed his fathers guidance. He mustered up the courage and said, the daughter is more important than the woman right now, if they did not have the daughter, he said he wouldn't want to be back with her anyways so, he gives the attention/affection only to who is most deserving. He also said he'd wish that they could of been a family for the daughter's sake but if they can not even come to terms and be at ease with each other when he is trying to see his daughter despite the separation then how dysfunctional would it be if they were together, and ultimately damaging to the child's environment, she is too young to understand and doesn't deserve the abusive environment he says.

[JKub]

Dim3nsion don't worry about being alpha and beta and other ****. You said it right, your daughter is the only thing that matters. This is clearly more than enough **** to **** with anybody's head. I don't want to stir ****, but go have an affair. This isn't about the marriage anymore, you gotta stay sane for your daughter's sake if anything else. I wish you the very best of luck man, and give yourself a break, don't be too hard on yourself, you are human too.

[Alar]

so, post breakup, it has been almost a month and my ex has been saying how she still loves me and misses me and that I didn't do anything wrong but the relationship was damaging and toxic from all the fighting. I rarely ever respond to her, so when she said this I said,

"look we can not be friends, I will not be an option while you go shopping, also, friends can only work for so long, did you think that one day we will at the same moment tell each other how you and I found someone, or hooked up with someone, or are interested in seeing someone else now? No. I will not put myself in either end of the situation. You broke up with me, this is what you asked for. Do not ask how I am doing, just assume I'm doing great because I probably and actually am doing awesome. I have given your things to (herbestfriend). Unfortunately, you could not find yourself and was not ready. I never assumed or believed it was going to be easy. I was real to myself and I still am. I can shake my head at things and eventually learn the adversity and find it in whatever situation. That's why i am successful at everything I invest in. you miss me? Probably, but I will not hold you up while you lean on my attention. Do not seek this from me as it will no longer come. Do not contact me unless you have any good news, chances are you don't. I won't ask how you're doing, I will assume it is going well. I am not angry, when I say these things because I have other things to worry about now. Things are actually going great though and it won't change. This is what you asked for, I could care less, so goodluck"

she then tells me how I don't understand and blahblah how she loves me still and says I miss YOU

she is trying to **** with my head right?

someone reassure this for me? That it is an attempt at a manipulative **** scheme.

by the way, a couple days before this I went to an event where her family was there as I had already bought a ticket, I did not talk to her nor acknowledge her but she made note that I "was smiling a lot and looked so happy".