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  1. #91
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    I am guessing this is a long term gf?


    What are the problems you are having? If it is not too personal that is.
    lived together for 9 months now. She is very high maintanance and the only free space I get is 4 work outs a week and a side job I do on a saturday night at a nightclub. If i'm not home on the dot I get maoned at. She complains about my supplements, questions if I ever get text messages, says I get up too early for work, forbids me to go on vacation with my guy friends even though we already went on vacation together for 2 weeks. When she gets upset she can cry for 2 hours which is hard to deal with when i've already been at work for 10. Basicly i'm not happy but not unhappy enough to really do anything about it, but she's made it pretty clear that the way things are is the minimum she'll accept, if I started asking for more time myself it'd just lead to non stop arguements. So I either accept the misery or move out, which isn't easy as I dont think she'd make that straightforward, in fact i'd fear for my belongings. Sex wise, she is still keen at all, more then I am. I almost feel like that her being the source of my stress makes me feel like I cant be bothered as much. Where as seeing bitches in the street I think about sex all the time, so its not my libido I think
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  2. #92
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Acidvoodoo View Post
    lived together for 9 months now. She is very high maintanance and the only free space I get is 4 work outs a week and a side job I do on a saturday night at a nightclub. If i'm not home on the dot I get maoned at. She complains about my supplements, questions if I ever get text messages, says I get up too early for work, forbids me to go on vacation with my guy friends even though we already went on vacation together for 2 weeks. When she gets upset she can cry for 2 hours which is hard to deal with when i've already been at work for 10. Basicly i'm not happy but not unhappy enough to really do anything about it, but she's made it pretty clear that the way things are is the minimum she'll accept, if I started asking for more time myself it'd just lead to non stop arguements. So I either accept the misery or move out, which isn't easy as I dont think she'd make that straightforward, in fact i'd fear for my belongings. Sex wise, she is still keen at all, more then I am. I almost feel like that her being the source of my stress makes me feel like I cant be bothered as much. Where as seeing bitches in the street I think about sex all the time, so its not my libido I think
    Firstly I am glad people are using this thread to vent, as that what it was designed for. Secondly, surely you do not need me to tell you that this is not a healthy relationship. You have got a lot of comfort with this girl, but you can't go on like this. She does not own you, what right does she have to question you and restrict your free time?
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  3. #93
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    Firstly I am glad people are using this thread to vent, as that what it was designed for. Secondly, surely you do not need me to tell you that this is not a healthy relationship. You have got a lot of comfort with this girl, but you can't go on like this. She does not own you, what right does she have to question you and restrict your free time?
    Bump for those who need to vent.
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  4. #94
    Registered User ironmouth's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post

    13. It is all hormones: It may seem cold, but all you are feeling is due to hormones. Love is literally like a drug, the act of validation from a person you have an emotional connection with releases what are known as "feel good" hormones (I wont bore you with the science). When you break up, you no longer get this "fix", this is why you become desperate to get her back, you are going through relapse. You have to fight it, like you would drug or alcohol addiction, this is why we delete the numbers and facebook. Keeping her contact details within reach is like an alcoholic keeping drinks lined up in-front of them. We all know how it will end.

    14. Dating outside strict religions does not work: If you are thinking of committing to a girl who has a strict family who is adamant she dates within her religion/race, do not go there. In the beginning the excitement of going behind her parents back will excite her, this fades, and both of you will feel quite guilty. The relationship is destined to end.


    PS: This is all formed from my personal opinions and the reading I have done here from posters such as Doc and Janky, but in the end everyone is different.
    13. hormones thing is debatable. Whichever comes first is yet to be discovered. Also who you fall in love with is also socially conditioned into you.

    14. Race matters a lot too.
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  5. #95
    Registered User TheGrapeCrusade's Avatar
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    I wish I knew about misc a couple months ago, I would've saved myself a lot of time and heart ache. I'm doing everything I can to get out of the mental rut i'm currently in, hitting the gym harder than ever before, focusing on myself and myfriends, talking to more girls than ever. But I can't seem to shake this feeling of being left/cheated on by my gf for her loser ex. Just knowing at one point she said I was the best bf she ever had and that she finally knew what it was like to trust, then being dumped and finding out she had started contacting his ex already and are now together. The guy is dirt, cheated on her over 11 times and she knows about them all. They dated for 2 years and he'd always dump her, treat her like ****, ruin events/parties, all these things she told me she hated about him. Then she goes back, as hard as I try to get "alpha" there's always this voice thats reminds me I lost her to this douche and ****s with my head. Any suggestions bro?

    Awesome thread btw, would rep if I could.
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  6. #96
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheGrapeCrusade View Post
    I wish I knew about misc a couple months ago, I would've saved myself a lot of time and heart ache. I'm doing everything I can to get out of the mental rut i'm currently in, hitting the gym harder than ever before, focusing on myself and myfriends, talking to more girls than ever. But I can't seem to shake this feeling of being left/cheated on by my gf for her loser ex. Just knowing at one point she said I was the best bf she ever had and that she finally knew what it was like to trust, then being dumped and finding out she had started contacting his ex already and are now together. The guy is dirt, cheated on her over 11 times and she knows about them all. They dated for 2 years and he'd always dump her, treat her like ****, ruin events/parties, all these things she told me she hated about him. Then she goes back, as hard as I try to get "alpha" there's always this voice thats reminds me I lost her to this douche and ****s with my head. Any suggestions bro?

    Awesome thread btw, would rep if I could.
    It is very easy for me to give advice as I am on the outside looking in, for you however it will be hard to follow through with it as you are on the inside. It is quite clear to me that she left you for someone of much lower value, the thing he has over you is comfort, and woman act quite regularly out of emotion so this comfort he brings from being with her for 2 years is attractive to her. She will have to go through the same sh!it which she left him for once they get reacquainted, and at this point she will most likely come crawling back to you being apologetic and begging for another chance. You are better off without a girl like that, it is easy for me to say but hard for you to believe. Do you really want to end up with a woman who for 1. cheats and 2. degrades herself by going back to a cheating partner? And something else I have learned, woman LOVE to play the victim. Unless you know for a fact he cheated on her and ruined events and all that jazz, chances are it is a HUGE exaggeration. Maybe she caught him talking to a girl one night, she blows this up for her next bf (you) as "OMG HE CHEATED ON ME!". I really don't know why woman do this, but a lot of them do. If you do not mind me asking how long was the relationship and how old are the two of you?
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  7. #97
    Registered User TheGrapeCrusade's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    It is very easy for me to give advice as I am on the outside looking in, for you however it will be hard to follow through with it as you are on the inside. It is quite clear to me that she left you for someone of much lower value, the thing he has over you is comfort, and woman act quite regularly out of emotion so this comfort he brings from being with her for 2 years is attractive to her. She will have to go through the same sh!it which she left him for once they get reacquainted, and at this point she will most likely come crawling back to you being apologetic and begging for another chance. You are better off without a girl like that, it is easy for me to say but hard for you to believe. Do you really want to end up with a woman who for 1. cheats and 2. degrades herself by going back to a cheating partner? And something else I have learned, woman LOVE to play the victim. Unless you know for a fact he cheated on her and ruined events and all that jazz, chances are it is a HUGE exaggeration. Maybe she caught him talking to a girl one night, she blows this up for her next bf (you) as "OMG HE CHEATED ON ME!". I really don't know why woman do this, but a lot of them do. If you do not mind me asking how long was the relationship and how old are the two of you?
    First off I just want to say thanks for the advice man, it's definitely been a killer blow on my confidence just knowing she went back to a guy like that. As for the cheating part he's that dude, cheated on her with a bunch of chicks in our town ( we live in a small town and word travels fast). She knows it as well which is why she left him in the first part, along with being treated like **** and etc. I made the huge mistake of thinking she was tired of that kind of relationship and harsh went beta, so I would have to accept some of the blame but it was a valuable learning lesson anyways. As for Age I just turned 25 and she's 20 turning 21 in a few months. We started talking about 14 months ago and pretty much started seeing/dating each other for a year.

    I didn't start getting into relationships until i was 20 after dropping from 220 to 170 and chicks started paying attention. I was way behind in the game but thanks to this forum i'm slowly learning.
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  8. #98
    420 Dim3nsion's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Alar View Post
    my Cousin is in the same situation as you Dim3nsion. His woman left him, and the kid, after she cheated on him and they at first still saw each other and talked about things but just like your case she would mess with his head and tell him how bad of a father he was or that he was the worst boyfriend and on other days she would tell him how much she missed him and how she wish it would all work out. It is a vicious cycle when one tries to give a response to something that sounds good when really it is only feeding into the others insecurity of themselves about why they left to reassure them they made the right decision even if it actually wasn't. To reassure them that they actually don't need you or are better off with you and that you are worse without them. It is because they are too proud. As soon as he realized this, all of his focus was on his daughter, nothing else, not his ex woman, but the one who he cared most for and the one who needed his fathers guidance. He mustered up the courage and said, the daughter is more important than the woman right now, if they did not have the daughter, he said he wouldn't want to be back with her anyways so, he gives the attention/affection only to who is most deserving. He also said he'd wish that they could of been a family for the daughter's sake but if they can not even come to terms and be at ease with each other when he is trying to see his daughter despite the separation then how dysfunctional would it be if they were together, and ultimately damaging to the child's environment, she is too young to understand and doesn't deserve the abusive environment he says.
    Thanks for the reply man. Its just hard for me to let go and move on.. I mean hell just a a few weeks ago **** was all good I thought, but the minute I say or do something wrong she hates me and its like all that stuff she said never happened. Its made me soo crazy. I need to end it and quit giving in if it does happen again just for my daughters sake though. I guess maybe I just expect an explanation and wanna understand why she chooses to be this way instead of working things out like adults. **** she is making me lose my damn mind. Her dad used to beat and rape her mom and alot of other ****ed up ****, so I honestly think that is a big part of why she is the way she is. I guess I just feel I can help her or she will change or just blame myself for everything. Bitches I swear

    Originally Posted by JKub View Post
    Dim3nsion don't worry about being alpha and beta and other ****. You said it right, your daughter is the only thing that matters. This is clearly more than enough **** to **** with anybody's head. I don't want to stir ****, but go have an affair. This isn't about the marriage anymore, you gotta stay sane for your daughter's sake if anything else. I wish you the very best of luck man, and give yourself a break, don't be too hard on yourself, you are human too.
    Man yeah I just gotta find a way to let go. Spending that much time with a chick its just hard as ****. Like Im a good guy and not just some ******* I mean i value marriage and all that meant something to me. Idk I gotta quit looking at me being the problem and taking all the blame or thinking I can fix it. I cant change how the woman thinks or what she does. I just wish she would have the respect to sit down and talk and explain why she does this back and forth bull****. Its like how do you love me soo much one day you talk about the future this or that and then the next you dont give a **** and wanna pretend like all you want is me to leave you alone. I get so much anger from this, but yet still in my heart care for the woman and feel I would do anything for her which is pathetic. When its good it is great though and we really have something wonderful. Yeah maybe I should Ive been tempted to pursue other girls and then will end up feeling bad or feel that Im doing something wrong. Its like wtf is wrong w/ me why do I go and think about how shes gonna feel. I mean she disregards my feelings all of the time, so I shouldnt give a **** how she feels. I mean technically we arent even together and as much as I feel another woman wont help maybe it will. Im just so used to her, so the thought of someone else is weird. But like you said I gotta get my head right for my little girl. Maybe after awhile the bitch will wake up and wanna work stuff out, but I cant sit here worrying and hoping that will happen. I spend way too much time trying to figure out why this is happening. Why the one woman Ive truly given a **** about and basically on and off with for a total or damn 11yrs now just wants to throw that all away and not work it out. Meh I gotta pull myself together.

    Sorry Im sure I repeated myself alot and that **** doesnt make much sense, but its hard to think straight and function like this.
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  9. #99
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dim3nsion View Post
    Thanks for the reply man. Its just hard for me to let go and move on.. I mean hell just a a few weeks ago **** was all good I thought, but the minute I say or do something wrong she hates me and its like all that stuff she said never happened. Its made me soo crazy. I need to end it and quit giving in if it does happen again just for my daughters sake though. I guess maybe I just expect an explanation and wanna understand why she chooses to be this way instead of working things out like adults. **** she is making me lose my damn mind. Her dad used to beat and rape her mom and alot of other ****ed up ****, so I honestly think that is a big part of why she is the way she is. I guess I just feel I can help her or she will change or just blame myself for everything. Bitches I swear



    Man yeah I just gotta find a way to let go. Spending that much time with a chick its just hard as ****. Like Im a good guy and not just some ******* I mean i value marriage and all that meant something to me. Idk I gotta quit looking at me being the problem and taking all the blame or thinking I can fix it. I cant change how the woman thinks or what she does. I just wish she would have the respect to sit down and talk and explain why she does this back and forth bull****. Its like how do you love me soo much one day you talk about the future this or that and then the next you dont give a **** and wanna pretend like all you want is me to leave you alone. I get so much anger from this, but yet still in my heart care for the woman and feel I would do anything for her which is pathetic. When its good it is great though and we really have something wonderful. Yeah maybe I should Ive been tempted to pursue other girls and then will end up feeling bad or feel that Im doing something wrong. Its like wtf is wrong w/ me why do I go and think about how shes gonna feel. I mean she disregards my feelings all of the time, so I shouldnt give a **** how she feels. I mean technically we arent even together and as much as I feel another woman wont help maybe it will. Im just so used to her, so the thought of someone else is weird. But like you said I gotta get my head right for my little girl. Maybe after awhile the bitch will wake up and wanna work stuff out, but I cant sit here worrying and hoping that will happen. I spend way too much time trying to figure out why this is happening. Why the one woman Ive truly given a **** about and basically on and off with for a total or damn 11yrs now just wants to throw that all away and not work it out. Meh I gotta pull myself together.

    Sorry Im sure I repeated myself alot and that **** doesnt make much sense, but its hard to think straight and function like this.
    Although most of us do not know the magnitude of your hurt, everyone has been in a similar condition. As for you feeling crap about still caring, dont! I have come to see that most males do have a great sense of loyalty, especially when things get serious like if a kid is involved, however females tend to lack this trait. When someone says loyalty, your first thought is not a female. I am not saying all woman are disloyal but I just think there is a reason as to why dogs are known as man's best friend and their leading trait is loyalty. Hell I may be going off on a completely unrelated tangent here, but its just my thoughts. Oh and we do not care how much you repeat yourself, as harsh as the misc is, we are here for brothers in need (no homo). So feel free to continue to type out frustrations.
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  10. #100
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheGrapeCrusade View Post
    First off I just want to say thanks for the advice man, it's definitely been a killer blow on my confidence just knowing she went back to a guy like that. As for the cheating part he's that dude, cheated on her with a bunch of chicks in our town ( we live in a small town and word travels fast). She knows it as well which is why she left him in the first part, along with being treated like **** and etc. I made the huge mistake of thinking she was tired of that kind of relationship and harsh went beta, so I would have to accept some of the blame but it was a valuable learning lesson anyways. As for Age I just turned 25 and she's 20 turning 21 in a few months. We started talking about 14 months ago and pretty much started seeing/dating each other for a year.

    I didn't start getting into relationships until i was 20 after dropping from 220 to 170 and chicks started paying attention. I was way behind in the game but thanks to this forum i'm slowly learning.
    I don't know what is with girls in the 19-21 bracket, they all go through some tipsy tervy emotional roller coaster and have no idea what they want, trust me I have been there. She definitely sounds like she has not matured, and is still acting out from pure emotion. That is not the sign of a stable person, remember that. You are dead on the money with the relationship being a learning experience, I am glad you have this mind set, never think of a relationship as an investment that crashes if it ends, as that is not what it is. Finally, forget labeling yourself as beta, if a man cares enough for a woman he will act in a way that is considered "beta" at times, and I do not care how heartless someone thinks they are, they all do it at times. The key is to be decisive and not waver from your point of view, ever and do not compromise your boundaries or morals. So do not beat yourself up over it, we all do it, and those that say they don't either haven't been in a relationship past the 6 month stage or are straight out lying.
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  11. #101
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Bump for night crew.
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  12. #102
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    New brah here. This thread is full of great advice, thanks for the list Roidz. I'm going to use this thread as a place to vent if that's okay.

    My GF broke up with me yesterday. It wasn't unexpected on my part, I've been thinking about doing it since mid-summer, but then **** happened and I postponed it. Anyway, I feel like absolute **** now. We broke up because of different goals in life - I want to study abroad in Canada, she wants to stay in our country and study. She also wanted to marry (and have kids) much sooner than I wanted. Not like I don't want a family, I just don't want it before I'm financially independent.

    Why did I postpone a break-up? Well, in early September her mum and dad decided to divorce. She called me one day and was absolutely distraught, said we needed to talk. So we meet up and she tells me her dad beats her mum pretty bad, that he's an alcoholic and a lot of other ****, which has been going on since last Christmas. I was shocked and these news kindled a new sense of loyalty for her in me, so I put aside any thoughts of breaking up and took care of her as best as I could. I felt so sorry for her and our relationship took a new turn, these events deepened our love.

    But couple all this with my revelation to her (circa 2 weeks ago) that I've been dreaming of studying abroad, and it all falls apart. We nearly broke up Saturday 2 weeks ago, because the thought of a 3-years LDR was not attractive to either of us. Many tears were shed but in the end we stayed together, until yesterday. I still love her immensely and have intense feelings for her, I'm not ashamed to admit that, and I think she is as broken as I am right now. She is a great girl, and the guy that gets her will be very lucky.

    I've deleted my Facebook-account, her number and those of her family, put everything she gave me/made me in a box and locked it away. I haven't contacted her, neither has she contacted me. I'm going no contact, but I have no idea what I will do if she sends me a text or calls me. Taking baby steps at the moment.

    Sidenote, I'm 20 and she's 18. We were together 1.5 years.
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    Registered User HeavyIron8's Avatar
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    Thanks a lot man. This helped. I made the mistake of letting her visit me and ended up having sex together 5 months after the break up. Won't be making the same mistake again.

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  14. #104
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    Originally Posted by DarianFrey View Post
    New brah here. This thread is full of great advice, thanks for the list Roidz. I'm going to use this thread as a place to vent if that's okay.

    My GF broke up with me yesterday. It wasn't unexpected on my part, I've been thinking about doing it since mid-summer, but then **** happened and I postponed it. Anyway, I feel like absolute **** now. We broke up because of different goals in life - I want to study abroad in Canada, she wants to stay in our country and study. She also wanted to marry (and have kids) much sooner than I wanted. Not like I don't want a family, I just don't want it before I'm financially independent.

    Why did I postpone a break-up? Well, in early September her mum and dad decided to divorce. She called me one day and was absolutely distraught, said we needed to talk. So we meet up and she tells me her dad beats her mum pretty bad, that he's an alcoholic and a lot of other ****, which has been going on since last Christmas. I was shocked and these news kindled a new sense of loyalty for her in me, so I put aside any thoughts of breaking up and took care of her as best as I could. I felt so sorry for her and our relationship took a new turn, these events deepened our love.

    But couple all this with my revelation to her (circa 2 weeks ago) that I've been dreaming of studying abroad, and it all falls apart. We nearly broke up Saturday 2 weeks ago, because the thought of a 3-years LDR was not attractive to either of us. Many tears were shed but in the end we stayed together, until yesterday. I still love her immensely and have intense feelings for her, I'm not ashamed to admit that, and I think she is as broken as I am right now. She is a great girl, and the guy that gets her will be very lucky.

    I've deleted my Facebook-account, her number and those of her family, put everything she gave me/made me in a box and locked it away. I haven't contacted her, neither has she contacted me. I'm going no contact, but I have no idea what I will do if she sends me a text or calls me. Taking baby steps at the moment.

    Sidenote, I'm 20 and she's 18. We were together 1.5 years.
    By all means, feel free to vent here, that is what I made it for. I can understand your situation, and I am not going to lie, then next few weeks are going to be really really tough. BUT if you choose to pick up the phone or reply to a text, it is going to set you right back at square one and you will be hurting all over again. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and keep in mind you are young. Really convince yourself that the chances of you marrying this girl were next to none. In reality you don't truly know what love is, either do I. We are too young to understand it, what we know is infatuation brought upon mostly by a physical relationship. You had thoughts of ending it, and regardless of what was happening, it is best to act on those feelings. I know it is harsh, but always be true to what you feel, it is only fair. If she does contact you, feel free to drop by and ask any advice before proceeding, if I am not helping, I'm sure someone else will.
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    boyunderthebridge.com Ricky_k's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    Bump for night crew.
    Roidz, if a relationship ended amicably end of 09, no contact for 1yr now since she told me she liked someone i said i don' t want to be a hypocrite and come in between of that (when i dated her i made her cut contact with her ex 100%) would it be bad idea to send a bday card in the mail ?

    I get a feeling she is scared to contact me, she really wanted to remain in contact but i said no. All girls i've been since then have not been like her so i still respect her as a person.

    I don't want her to get back with me, i just want clear my conscience and say i'm not hiding.
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    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ricky_k View Post
    Roidz, if a relationship ended amicably end of 09, no contact for 1yr now since she told me she liked someone i said i don' t want to be a hypocrite and come in between of that (when i dated her i made her cut contact with her ex 100%) would it be bad idea to send a bday card in the mail ?

    I get a feeling she is scared to contact me, she really wanted to remain in contact but i said no. All girls i've been since then have not been like her so i still respect her as a person.

    I don't want her to get back with me, i just want clear my conscience and say i'm not hiding.
    What do you hope to gain out of this? Would you be ok if you two became friends and she started mentioning guys she is seeing? If enough time has passed, and you know (not think) you could handle this, then I see no reason to not do it. You have had the required time away from her to heal, but are you completely over it? That is the question you must answer which no one can help you with. But you must be honest.
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    I don't know what is with girls in the 19-21 bracket, they all go through some tipsy tervy emotional roller coaster and have no idea what they want, trust me I have been there. She definitely sounds like she has not matured, and is still acting out from pure emotion. That is not the sign of a stable person, remember that. You are dead on the money with the relationship being a learning experience, I am glad you have this mind set, never think of a relationship as an investment that crashes if it ends, as that is not what it is. Finally, forget labeling yourself as beta, if a man cares enough for a woman he will act in a way that is considered "beta" at times, and I do not care how heartless someone thinks they are, they all do it at times. The key is to be decisive and not waver from your point of view, ever and do not compromise your boundaries or morals. So do not beat yourself up over it, we all do it, and those that say they don't either haven't been in a relationship past the 6 month stage or are straight out lying.

    Yeah I definitely learned alot from this relationship, it's also however made me pretty bitter towards girls. Just the fact they can say and do everything to make you feel special and completely drop your gaurd and the next thing you know everythings going down the ****ter. It's been easy to stop communicating with her because she's at school and i'm out of town for work and it's helping but as days go by somedays i'm fine and somedays i'm insanely angry and resentful and then somedays I catch myself reminiscing about the good parts of our relationship ( and there was way more ups than downs). Is this normal to have so many mixed emotions right now, i thought by this point I could honestly say I don't give a **** about her but a few days ago she passed a message on to me through a mutual friend and it's been stuck in my mind and I can't seem to shake it. Even tho it was hardly anything important its just been ****ing with me and the only time I seem to have total control and peace is when I hit the gym.
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  18. #108
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    Originally Posted by TheGrapeCrusade View Post
    Yeah I definitely learned alot from this relationship, it's also however made me pretty bitter towards girls. Just the fact they can say and do everything to make you feel special and completely drop your gaurd and the next thing you know everythings going down the ****ter. It's been easy to stop communicating with her because she's at school and i'm out of town for work and it's helping but as days go by somedays i'm fine and somedays i'm insanely angry and resentful and then somedays I catch myself reminiscing about the good parts of our relationship ( and there was way more ups than downs). Is this normal to have so many mixed emotions right now, i thought by this point I could honestly say I don't give a **** about her but a few days ago she passed a message on to me through a mutual friend and it's been stuck in my mind and I can't seem to shake it. Even tho it was hardly anything important its just been ****ing with me and the only time I seem to have total control and peace is when I hit the gym.
    Mate you sound like a clone of me, in the waY you deal with this stuff. I'm almost 5 months into my breakup, and although not as bad as the first few months, I'm still riding that rollercoaster at times. And that's exactly what it is; a rollercoaster. Could be fine one minute, and nothing will even set it off, but the next minute I'll be on a downward spiral. Angry, resentment, sad, depressed, everything. It's so tiring ... I find myself having to go to bed early because the emotions are so storng some days and my brain just can't handle it.

    All I can say from my experience is don't bottle up the feelings. If you are feeling angry, don't try and go around like you're fine. Get the anger out, go for a run or the gym. The gym's been my saving grace as well, like you. The only place I really get to switch off from the outside world, chuck some headphones in and go flat out and murder my body. I've definitely made the most of my membership the last few months ... 6 days a week I'm there.

    Unfortunately theres no easy fix, as I've found out, so you just have to ride that rollercoaster. Funnily enough reading these forums and seeing how many similar situations there, has helped me as well.
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  19. #109
    misc lyfe aint no strife midniteOG's Avatar
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    damn good post....
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  20. #110
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    Originally Posted by banch0ng View Post
    Mate you sound like a clone of me, in the waY you deal with this stuff. I'm almost 5 months into my breakup, and although not as bad as the first few months, I'm still riding that rollercoaster at times. And that's exactly what it is; a rollercoaster. Could be fine one minute, and nothing will even set it off, but the next minute I'll be on a downward spiral. Angry, resentment, sad, depressed, everything. It's so tiring ... I find myself having to go to bed early because the emotions are so storng some days and my brain just can't handle it.

    All I can say from my experience is don't bottle up the feelings. If you are feeling angry, don't try and go around like you're fine. Get the anger out, go for a run or the gym. The gym's been my saving grace as well, like you. The only place I really get to switch off from the outside world, chuck some headphones in and go flat out and murder my body. I've definitely made the most of my membership the last few months ... 6 days a week I'm there.

    Unfortunately theres no easy fix, as I've found out, so you just have to ride that rollercoaster. Funnily enough reading these forums and seeing how many similar situations there, has helped me as well.
    This is very good advice, you must know that a lot of people are going through this stuff every single day. Your suffering is not unique, the emotions you feel are not unique, billions of men before you have gotten through it, and billions of men after you will get through it. Know that the roller-coaster of emotions is perfectly normal, but believe me you will get to a point where you are fed up of feeling down, and you will literally not allow yourself to be down as your self worth increases. This is where people come out the other side as a stronger person. Their mind has been trained to not let things get them down, which holds them in great stead throughout life's experiences. The best advice is to channel all the emotion into something positive, and for us it is easy as we love the gym. You will be amazed how those emotions will see you shatter plateus and benchmarks you thought would never be possible. My most intense strength and body transformations have come after breakups, I strongly believe although it is a negative event, there is nothing better to kick your ass into gear.

    "Train with rage, passion, and heart."
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  21. #111
    boyunderthebridge.com Ricky_k's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    What do you hope to gain out of this? Would you be ok if you two became friends and she started mentioning guys she is seeing? If enough time has passed, and you know (not think) you could handle this, then I see no reason to not do it. You have had the required time away from her to heal, but are you completely over it? That is the question you must answer which no one can help you with. But you must be honest.
    Being honest, she is the first thought on my mind still when i wake up. I can stop it other times by re-framing it in a positive context, i was lucky to have that experience and the law of impermanence says nothing lasts forever anyways. But for what happens while I sleep, i can't seem to control. I wake up and shake it off.


    Would i be ok with it ? of course it would sting, the ego will try to compare and be competitive with her, so if i was in a relationship right now i would not care. I would probably not want the conversation to go there, or even go long at all. If she simply said thank you, I would be ok.


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  22. #112
    Registered User TheGrapeCrusade's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    This is very good advice, you must know that a lot of people are going through this stuff every single day. Your suffering is not unique, the emotions you feel are not unique, billions of men before you have gotten through it, and billions of men after you will get through it. Know that the roller-coaster of emotions is perfectly normal, but believe me you will get to a point where you are fed up of feeling down, and you will literally not allow yourself to be down as your self worth increases. This is where people come out the other side as a stronger person. Their mind has been trained to not let things get them down, which holds them in great stead throughout life's experiences. The best advice is to channel all the emotion into something positive, and for us it is easy as we love the gym. You will be amazed how those emotions will see you shatter plateus and benchmarks you thought would never be possible. My most intense strength and body transformations have come after breakups, I strongly believe although it is a negative event, there is nothing better to kick your ass into gear.

    "Train with rage, passion, and heart."
    Yeah the gym has been my saving grace when i've felt like I was about to lose it mentally, I've never been more focused in my life and I actually can't wait to go to the gym everyday. Also these encouraging words of advice and knowing I have fellow brahs going through the same bull**** as I am definitely helps me put things into perspective. I can't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and expect people to pity me thinking i'm the only one suffering, just knowing others have gone through what i've gone through and have become better people out of it really motivates me to keep to everything I've learned through your advice and that of others.

    On a seperate note the ex texted out of the blue asking about some tickets to a concert I had gotten before the break up and seeing as it had to deal with money it was something I couldnt ignore. kept it casual and short and she asked how to she should get the money to me. I mentioned I would be going to where she went to school with some of my buddies to party and that if she wanted to give it to someone (a lot of people I know from our home town go there as well) then they could pass it on to me. I had no intentions of letting her know I was coming to begin with and was absolutely not going to call her when I was there. Did I **** up by bringing up that I was going there? I don't want her to have some kind of false satisfaction that I'm still trying to get her back or some****. I know i should've just ignored the text to begin with but at the same time I didn't want her to think I was being bitter and ignoring her out of spite which would also feed her ego.

    My plan is to just go ahead with my road trip with my boys, party, and not give a single **** about her and maybe she'll stop fkn contacting me? I'm not good with these head games bishes like to play. haha
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    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ricky_k View Post
    Being honest, she is the first thought on my mind still when i wake up. I can stop it other times by re-framing it in a positive context, i was lucky to have that experience and the law of impermanence says nothing lasts forever anyways. But for what happens while I sleep, i can't seem to control. I wake up and shake it off.


    Would i be ok with it ? of course it would sting, the ego will try to compare and be competitive with her, so if i was in a relationship right now i would not care. I would probably not want the conversation to go there, or even go long at all. If she simply said thank you, I would be ok.


    Does this make sense ?
    It does make sense, and if I were you, I would not go there. You don't have the strong emotional tie which you once had for her, but being around her may spark this again and before you know it you are back at square one. This is only my take on it however. Friends with ex's at the best of times is a shaky proposition, I ignore it altogether personally, regardless of time spent apart.

    Originally Posted by TheGrapeCrusade View Post
    Yeah the gym has been my saving grace when i've felt like I was about to lose it mentally, I've never been more focused in my life and I actually can't wait to go to the gym everyday. Also these encouraging words of advice and knowing I have fellow brahs going through the same bull**** as I am definitely helps me put things into perspective. I can't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and expect people to pity me thinking i'm the only one suffering, just knowing others have gone through what i've gone through and have become better people out of it really motivates me to keep to everything I've learned through your advice and that of others.

    On a seperate note the ex texted out of the blue asking about some tickets to a concert I had gotten before the break up and seeing as it had to deal with money it was something I couldnt ignore. kept it casual and short and she asked how to she should get the money to me. I mentioned I would be going to where she went to school with some of my buddies to party and that if she wanted to give it to someone (a lot of people I know from our home town go there as well) then they could pass it on to me. I had no intentions of letting her know I was coming to begin with and was absolutely not going to call her when I was there. Did I **** up by bringing up that I was going there? I don't want her to have some kind of false satisfaction that I'm still trying to get her back or some****. I know i should've just ignored the text to begin with but at the same time I didn't want her to think I was being bitter and ignoring her out of spite which would also feed her ego.

    My plan is to just go ahead with my road trip with my boys, party, and not give a single **** about her and maybe she'll stop fkn contacting me? I'm not good with these head games bishes like to play. haha
    If you can't avoid it, you can't avoid it simple as that. What you can fix however is giving a damn what she thinks of the situation. Who cares if she thinks you are bitter or that you are trying to get her back. You are no longer acting in a way that effects her, you are acting for yourself and that is it. So do not go thinking what will she believe if I do this or that etc. as this is binding your actions to the outcome which she will provide. You are free from her, do not even waste your time with thoughts of her.
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    Originally Posted by _Roidz_ View Post
    Although most of us do not know the magnitude of your hurt, everyone has been in a similar condition. As for you feeling crap about still caring, dont! I have come to see that most males do have a great sense of loyalty, especially when things get serious like if a kid is involved, however females tend to lack this trait. When someone says loyalty, your first thought is not a female. I am not saying all woman are disloyal but I just think there is a reason as to why dogs are known as man's best friend and their leading trait is loyalty. Hell I may be going off on a completely unrelated tangent here, but its just my thoughts. Oh and we do not care how much you repeat yourself, as harsh as the misc is, we are here for brothers in need (no homo). So feel free to continue to type out frustrations.
    Thanks bro I appreciate it. Trying to hold myself together. This is the first week Ive actually kept from trying to talk to her. I think about it constantly though and worry if she is with someone else or what she is doing and why she isnt asking to see me.. Just ****ing makes me insane and hurts alot. Its like I cant stand that she isnt trying to contact me and dunno how she can act like she doesnt miss me or care at all. Maybe she doesnt, but after everything I just dont see how she couldnt. I just want to text her or call her and ask why. I have to get my daughter this weekend, so it will be tough to have to see her and gonna be hard not to lose it. I just wish she would have some damn feelings and understand. Ive known your ass 11yrs and you wont even speak to me? Maybe with time if I just keep acting fine and doing myself and doing good for the kids she will start trying to contact me again. I mean of course I cant all go giving in I just want some kinda power back. Not to be the one hurting and missing her. Id be lying if I said I didnt want things just back to normal and to be fine, but I know thats stupid. If I could just get the bitch outta my head and stop caring Id be fine, but **** it feels impossible.
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  25. #115
    Certified Gainster Lionology's Avatar
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  26. #116
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dim3nsion View Post
    Thanks bro I appreciate it. Trying to hold myself together. This is the first week Ive actually kept from trying to talk to her. I think about it constantly though and worry if she is with someone else or what she is doing and why she isnt asking to see me.. Just ****ing makes me insane and hurts alot. Its like I cant stand that she isnt trying to contact me and dunno how she can act like she doesnt miss me or care at all. Maybe she doesnt, but after everything I just dont see how she couldnt. I just want to text her or call her and ask why. I have to get my daughter this weekend, so it will be tough to have to see her and gonna be hard not to lose it. I just wish she would have some damn feelings and understand. Ive known your ass 11yrs and you wont even speak to me? Maybe with time if I just keep acting fine and doing myself and doing good for the kids she will start trying to contact me again. I mean of course I cant all go giving in I just want some kinda power back. Not to be the one hurting and missing her. Id be lying if I said I didnt want things just back to normal and to be fine, but I know thats stupid. If I could just get the bitch outta my head and stop caring Id be fine, but **** it feels impossible.
    It took 11 years, but her true colours eventually came out. As crap as it is, I have come to realise that this is life. Now you don't really know she isn't missing you as she may be showing it in a different way, but hang in there man it will improve in time. Stick to your guns and in my opinion only speak to her when it is absolutely necessary or your daughter is involved. Please try to keep in mind that others have been through this, and they have come out the other side. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel waiting for you, we are all here to help you realise this.
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  27. #117
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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  28. #118
    boyunderthebridge.com Ricky_k's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lionology View Post
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    On a journey to the brighter side of life.
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  29. #119
    Platinum Account GerbilFarmer's Avatar
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    Op thank u for this post I'll rep you when I'm on my laptop.

    Yesterday my girlfriend basically told me she was going to dump me. She didn't yet though which honestly made it 10x worse. She said I was not only too immature but I was a "weird" kind of immature (guess misc has influenced me too much). I know I should probably just make it quick like a bandaid and break-up with her now instead of wait for her to do it, she has clearly moved on already anyways, but it's just going to be weird to not see her, her friends,or her family like I do now it's become a part of my routine... It's not Gunna be easy but your post really will make it easier, thank you.
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  30. #120
    Registered User _Roidz_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by GerbilFarmer View Post
    Op thank u for this post I'll rep you when I'm on my laptop.

    Yesterday my girlfriend basically told me she was going to dump me. She didn't yet though which honestly made it 10x worse. She said I was not only too immature but I was a "weird" kind of immature (guess misc has influenced me too much). I know I should probably just make it quick like a bandaid and break-up with her now instead of wait for her to do it, she has clearly moved on already anyways, but it's just going to be weird to not see her, her friends,or her family like I do now it's become a part of my routine... It's not Gunna be easy but your post really will make it easier, thank you.
    No problem man, how long were you 2 together?
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