Things we do or have done that we would never tell anyone In Real Life (srs)(gtfih)

[sugarrayleonard]

bump

[redwine91]

Bumping this for the New Year.

[devin45k]

had a 3 way with a married couple.

Was it a gay marriage?

[cromofo]

the things i've read in this thread...

[FitnessBlue]

This thread is activating my PTSD...

[.aeterna]

This thread is activating my PTSD...

One of the GOAT threads on misc

[DDSF1]

Wow. There are some sick degenerates here.

[goingcia]

Walk into a starbucks, order a drink, sit down and mess around on laptop.

The drink causes serious stomach aches. Must fart.

Music is playing in starbucks so I time them farts just right to the beat in a very controlled fashion. Works great, feels good.

Notice that everyone is staring at me.

Realize I've been wearing headphones.

[.aeterna]

Walk into a starbucks, order a drink, sit down and mess around on laptop.

The drink causes serious stomach aches. Must fart.

Music is playing in starbucks so I time them farts just right to the beat in a very controlled fashion. Works great, feels good.

Notice that everyone is staring at me.

Realize I've been wearing headphones.

Lmfaooooooooooooooooo

[jiujitsubro]

Fapped in an airplane bathroom.

Lost track of time.

Everyone in the cabin is mad af when I got out.

[sardis3207]

Was it a gay marriage?

It is now

[ANumber1]

Years ago, I was probably 17, I decided to take a long walk home. It was a few miles, and we lived in a rural part of town, so you hit the last gas station about two miles in, a mile from the house.

As I approached the gas station, I vaguely noticed that I needed to take a dump. I was also eager to get home, so I figured... fuark it, I'll be fine.

At the half-mile mark from the house, I wasn't fine anymore. My stomach was bubbling and grumbling, and I knew some chit was about to go down, literally, but being halfway, I figured it was the point of no return and I wouldn't make it back to the gas station in time.

At the quarter-mile mark, I lost my chit, literally. Thank Christ it was a dry dump, golf-ball sized pellets bouncing down the leg of my jeans with every step. I had to shake the legs a bit to get them to pass out behind my sneakers, which were now covered in chit.

Inside, I wanted to cry like an 11-year-old girl, but I made my way home like nothing was wrong, quietly walked into the laundry room, and put everything on the hot cycle with plenty of soap.

Haven't gambled with feces retention since.

[ibimusbtms]

Was it a gay marriage?

lol; nope. she wanted to have two guys to play with at the same time.

[Sikhveins]

I was touched as a kid by an older cousin (female) and then her mom caught us in the bathroom. I was 6 and had no idea what I was doing, she got the living chit beat out of her. Only us 3 know about this.


That cousin now is very religious and dates a full Sikh with a turban and beard. I just laugh every time I see them

[Sikhveins]

When I was a kid and would visit my cousins house in Canada I always had this urge I could jump out of there window and land in the grass safely. For years I dreamt of this.

One day we were all leaving to go somewhere and I decided to just do it. I jumped, it was about 12-15 feet up. I landed and broke my leg and slid to the front door and told everyone I slid down the stairs. Every time I try to tell my cousins the truth they think I'm joking about how I really broke my leg.

[TheDonQ]

When I was a kid, there were these two noisy brothers a few years younger than me in our apartment building.
I 360 no-scope headshotted one of them with my airsoft gun from our window at the top floor.
Their mama searched the building, was home alone so didn't open the door.

In 3th grade I flashed my dingus in front of the open door to the locker room.
Bishes saw, told the teacher, who told my parents, and that event was never spoken of since.

Between 1st and 5th grade this kid and I took turns bullying each other over the years. Always depended on who of us had more of the others on our side. Beyond normal bullying and name calling several things happened during those years:
- We made torture drawings depicting each other stuck in a torture machine. Sick stuff, when I think about it. I'm talking about being strapped, wired to electricity, limps being sawn of, spears through orifices.
- Kid threw a basketball on me, I hit him in the nose, making him bleed.
- Kicked him in his balls.
- Started reading books about ancient voodoo and magic, believing I could make him dissappear using black magic and voodoo dolls.
- Heaviliy inspired by Sideshow Bob in The Simpsons, I sent a letter to his parents house with a death threat. Police got involved, I ended up confessing to my mom who called this kid's parents. Class was informed.

In 2nd grade I planted a 1 inch needle on our teacher's chair. She saw it before she sat on it, I was sent to the principals office and my parents were informed.

In 1st grade a buddy and I crushed a snail in its shell under a chair.

Had a good buddy. He was Middle Eastern. During our childhood we had fun and at one point I made a website about him being a snackbar and shadowed by the FBI and ****. Well, 5 years later when we weren't that close anymore, his family found the website and lost their ****. The school and my parents were informed as well. Guy was mad af.

In 1st grade I kissed a girl in my class on the lips for the lulz.

Had my first boner when I was 6.



Man I was a fukked up kid. My parents must have been losing their minds. Holeee f

[Venom08]

lol at this thread. I wish I could post some more chit I've done but I can't. It makes me realize that the depraved things posted ITT are nowhere close to the things people have done and wouldn't dare type to even on an anonymous forum, but to the brave souls out there, please do.

[TheFomo]

One time the school toilets were blocked and there wasnt any toilet paper left. I had to hold my poo in. During school assembly, which was extra long that day and drawn out of 2-3 hours, I was sitting next to this kid who everyone bullied and who I was a friend to because I felt sorry for him. During assembly I let out I slow wet fart because I couldnt keep it in. Everyone blamed the stinky smell on the weird kid and not me. I later told the weird kid that it was me who had farted at assembly and he was suprisjngly cool saying 'im already a loser, it doesnt matter what else they say about me.' Im still good friends with this weird kid and he is very popular with a gf while I am an fa virgin who rarely leave his bedroom.

When I was a kid I started preying every night that I would get $100, im an athiest but I apparently found out that you can get free chit if you prey hard enough. Apparently you can because the next week I saw a wallet fall out of a mans back pocket. I didnt notify the man but indtead opened the wallet and found $300. I bought a phuck load of lollies for myself and invited my friends to eat lollies at my home every night. I remember a girl teasing me because I was ugly and a friend told her I have a million dollars of lollies and she quickly shut up. I was lauded as a god for the 2 weeks those lollies existed lol.

When I was 9, a 12 year old girl told me girls suck mens dicks. I told her she was phucking crazy. She then rubbed her face on my penor area, in broad daylight during lunch break, while i was wearing shorts. I remember thinking this is boring af I wonder whats for dinner man. The funny thing is thats my only sexual experience because I am still a kissless virgin 11 years later.

[SquidwardT]

crap pants, its piss its sick

[ANumber1]

From time to time, in the dawn hours before I shower, I'll put on the theme from "Pacific Rim" and stomp around my kitchen naked pretending to be a giant robot.

[JC20010]

From time to time, in the dawn hours before I shower, I'll put on the theme from "Pacific Rim" and stomp around my kitchen naked pretending to be a giant robot.

Lol, Do you call yourself gypsy danger?

[ANumber1]

Lol, Do you call yourself gypsy danger?

Whiskey Alpha.

[DassItMan]

was going to post but then realized nothing I post will match up to even half the stories posted in this thread. Please keep this going lmao.

[ANumber1]

Went to an Asian Massage Parlor in Manhattan. Place was weird, it was a nail salon that was wide open to neighborhood view, not like a sketchy place with shades all over like most, but also did massage. So you walk in and all these white girls are getting their nails done, but the girl at the desk starts pointing quietly to a side room like "get the fuark over there before anyone figures out what you're doing". So I go over, and they bring some decent-looking late-30s/early-40s Chinese woman with oddly huge teddies. I suddenly realize they've got the same women doing nails as giving HJs. Whatever.

So I'm getting my massage, ask her a few small talk questions, her English sucks, whatever, but on the flip she waves her hands over my dick and says "you want this?"

"Sure."

"How much you give?"

I point to her mouth. "How much for that?"

"No, no suck. Just this." *handjob motion* "Sixty, I take off shirt."

"Forty and you take off your shirt."

"Forty and I keep shirt on."

"Show me."

She takes off her shirt and they're obviously natural, so I ask if I can suck them for sixty, she laughs and say "yes".

She lubes me up and gives a pretty decent handjob, a little ball action, while I'm licking and sucking her big natural yellow teddies. Weirdly, halfway through, some other Chinese woman pokes her head in and just starts talking to her like nothing's going on. Chinese babble both ways while I'm getting jerked off and licking teddies, and I can't see chit because they're so big I'm blinded.

...and just then, I start to cum. She's still talking to this bish, jerking me faster, and when I shoot, the bish at the door just starts giggling and keeps talking, then walks away. Never saw her. Weird scene, in retrospect.

[jizzfarmer]

Went to an Asian Massage Parlor in Manhattan. Place was weird, it was a nail salon that was wide open to neighborhood view, not like a sketchy place with shades all over like most, but also did massage. So you walk in and all these white girls are getting their nails done, but the girl at the desk starts pointing quietly to a side room like "get the fuark over there before anyone figures out what you're doing". So I go over, and they bring some decent-looking late-30s/early-40s Chinese woman with oddly huge teddies. I suddenly realize they've got the same women doing nails as giving HJs. Whatever.

So I'm getting my massage, ask her a few small talk questions, her English sucks, whatever, but on the flip she waves her hands over my dick and says "you want this?"

"Sure."

"How much you give?"

I point to her mouth. "How much for that?"

"No, no suck. Just this." *handjob motion* "Sixty, I take off shirt."

"Forty and you take off your shirt."

"Forty and I keep shirt on."

"Show me."

She takes off her shirt and they're obviously natural, so I ask if I can suck them for sixty, she laughs and say "yes".

She lubes me up and gives a pretty decent handjob, a little ball action, while I'm licking and sucking her big natural yellow teddies. Weirdly, halfway through, some other Chinese woman pokes her head in and just starts talking to her like nothing's going on. Chinese babble both ways while I'm getting jerked off and licking teddies, and I can't see chit because they're so big I'm blinded.

...and just then, I start to cum. She's still talking to this bish, jerking me faster, and when I shoot, the bish at the door just starts giggling and keeps talking, then walks away. Never saw her. Weird scene, in retrospect.

This is pretty much standard session at an asian massage parlour mane lol. The only thing weird about it is that you paid 60 bucks to suck old teddies.

[ANumber1]

This is pretty much standard session at an asian massage parlour mane lol. The only thing weird about it is that you paid 60 bucks to suck old teddies.

Have never seen an AMP that wasn't basically shut out with heavy shades/blinds and never seen one where one some bish walks in in the middle of the session and just hangs out chit-chatting.

Not saying it's uncommon, but it was uncommon to me.

...and the teddies were only $20 extra and in mint condition.

[dogorman7]

I bang 7+/10 trannies because i cant get above a 4/10 Genetic girl srs

[Maxamanius]

Posted this in the other thread but I'll post it here to

Lost my virginity to a vegas escort, here's the story...Went to Vegas and had my own room, ended up getting drunk and decided to call up an escort. The first girl that came scammed me (I was dumb af and didn't know anything about escorts) she ended up giving me a handjob with a condom for 5 mins then out my hotel room. I was pissed and was determined to fck a girl at all cost so I ended up calling a milf I saw on backpage, this time I got smart and googled her chit and read her reviews, she was legit.

At this point, I was even more drunk and super nervous. She ended up coming to my room, got naked and she started off sucking my dink then asked me If I wanted to do missionary, I couldn't even find her poosy I was so drunk and nervous, couldn't keep it up and ultimately didn't cum. Failed that whole night but that gave me confidence to get girls in the future. Ended up smashing a single mom on tinder and creampied her.

[MaximusAngus]

Lost my virginity to a vegas escort, here's the story...Went to Vegas and had my own room, ended up getting drunk and decided to call up an escort. The first girl that came scammed me (I was dumb af and didn't know anything about escorts) she ended up giving me a handjob with a condom for 5 mins then out my hotel room. I was pissed and was determined to fck a girl at all cost so I ended up calling a milf I saw on backpage, this time I got smart and googled her chit and read her reviews, she was legit.

At this point, I was even more drunk and super nervous. She ended up coming to my room, got naked and she started off sucking my dink then asked me If I wanted to do missionary, I couldn't even find her poosy I was so drunk and nervous, couldn't keep it up and ultimately didn't cum. Failed that whole night but that gave me confidence to get girls in the future. Ended up smashing a single mom on tinder and creampied her.

had a small heart attack then when I saw your username

thought someone went on that hack time

[NattyOverlord]

lost my virginity at a music festival in a handicap porta-potty.

Spoiler!

turns out she was married