yo Tmisc, rate my essay/10. will rep anyone who improves it

[GarBrah]

(half of it is bull****, just bear with me)



Project Ex: Tobacco Cessation

Comprised of over 400 toxic chemicals, triggering over 80 different forms of cancer, and being one of the leading causes of death, cigarettes and various other types of tobacco products are some of the most lethal commodities widely and legally consumed worldwide. With that in mind, one could hold tobacco companies responsible for mass genocide.

I commenced usage at age 14, with the primary intention of fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character. Little did I know, my innocent, seemingly harmless routine of puffing a single cigarette a week would soon transition into an annoying, yet deadly component of my life. I later learned that moderate dosages of nicotine would suffice as a temporary cure for a certain neurological disorder I was born with. And my dose was anything but moderate. Before I knew it I was waking up to cigarettes and couldn’t go longer than an hour without taking a break. With that said, my self-control and ability to handle inconvenient situations I’m presented with declined, since I’d be quick to bail on complications at hand due to smoking becoming an easy way out.

I signed up for Rose City’s Tobacco Cessation program to receive a considerable amount of support and guidance as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less. As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t. I come from a family of smokers, most of which would give up anything to kick the habit, but are incapable of doing so. It’s encoded in my genes, and is avidly present in the lives of the people around me. The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit. You’d think I’d come to an ephemeral realization or be encouraged to stop with my mind dwelling on such thoughts, but the addiction itself outweighs the intense will to stop. After all, being miles ahead of heroin, *******, amphetamines, alcohol, and benzodiazepines, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances on earth.

Smoking itself it’s a very mundane, yet illogical process. A finely grounded leaf is rolled into thin paper, sealed, and lit. The smoke, along with a sparkling cocktail of toxic ingredients is inhaled, and exhaled. Nothing is gained, but a notorious amount is sacrificed. Stupid it is. I cannot comprehend why it is accepted to smoke, why a remarkable percentage of society uses it (apart from the obvious addiction factor), and how it came about. Perhaps it was a ritualistic primitive behavior exercised by early humans and Native Americans. But the question still stands; why are we replicating practices of primitive beings? Is our ability of rational thought so weak? Are we incapable of formulating new, innovative pastimes so much so that we resort to ancient self-destructive ones? Maybe it was passed down from generation to generation without a single person bothering to question it only because it was a “cool” thing to do. Something about the sight of a man negligibly handling fire at his fingertips demonstrates courage, bravery, and masculinity; the more appealing characteristics we’re biologically programmed to acknowledge. I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect.

Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions. If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage. Although I remain relatively healthy, the plausible aftermath of becoming a lung cancer victim inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions. It has become a burden to my daily life, wallet, and athletic performance in my favored sport. If I don’t put an end to it now, odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death.


inb4 tl;dr

[Larinorr]

I think its wonderful/10

[GarBrah]

I think its wonderful/10

took u 2 minutes to read it brah?

[Dawes]

I commenced usage at age 14

Apart from that it seems fine.

[jimmybody]

Good essay op. Maybe you should list some more statistics and a few names of what kind of cancers out of 80. ( just saying )

[GarBrah]

Apart from that it seems fine.

doesnt sound good?

i got commenced from a thesaurus. what should i change it to

[GarBrah]

Good essay op. Maybe you should list some more statistics and a few names of what kind of cancers out of 80. ( just saying )

i thought about that. where can i throw it in?

[Phil185]

WTF is your thesis on? You say a bunch of facts and then throw out an opinion which was never justified by commentary or concrete detail. You could say the beginning was concrete detail but that really isn't how an essay is formed.

The only beef I have with it is in the beginning. It seems unfitting. Try something like this

1st sentence: VERY general statement
2nd: Expand
3rd: Thesis

Did your teacher tell you to set it up that way? Tbh, I really don't think that it works.

[Loidao]

cigarettes and various other types of tobacco products

Could change, sounds a little funny imo.

[GarBrah]

WTF is your thesis on? You say a bunch of facts and then throw out an opinion which was never justified by commentary or concrete detail. You could say the beginning was concrete detail but that really isn't how an essay is formed.

The only beef I have with it is in the beginning. It seems unfitting. Try something like this

1st sentence: VERY general statement
2nd: Expand
3rd: Thesis

Did your teacher tell you to set it up that way? Tbh, I really don't think that it works.

wtfs a thesis?

the essays on my personal experience with smokign aswell as why its bad. plain and simple

[Dawes]

doesnt sound good?

i got commenced from a thesaurus. what should i change it to

It doesn't read well. You don't have to over complicate things to make it sound like you know what you are talking about. I started smoking at 14 is simple and doesn't make you sound like yoda. Then again your teachers may be looking for ***goty language.

[Phil185]

wtfs a thesis?

the essays on my personal experience with smokign aswell as why its bad. plain and simple

Thesis is basically what your entire essay is going to be about. You really need a better introductory paragraph.

[Propogation]

(half of it is bull****, just bear with me)



Project Ex: Tobacco Cessation

Comprised of over 400 toxic chemicals, triggering over 80 different forms of cancer, and being one of the leading causes of death, cigarettes and various other types Comprised of over 400 toxic chemicals, and trigging over 80 different forms of cancer such as ___, ____, and ____, cigarettes, as well as the vast variety of other tobacco products take the place of being the top cause of death worldwide. Tobacco products are completely legal, yet they are one of the most lethal products one can use. With that fact in mind, one could hold tobacco companies responsible for mass genocide (Not too sure about genocide...But I'm not going to take responsibility for the content in the essay) of tobacco products are some of the most lethal commodities widely and legally consumed worldwide. With that in mind, one could hold tobacco companies responsible for mass genocide.

I commenced usage at age 14At the age of 14, I initiated tobacco use, with the primary intention of fitting in with my peers, being as I was seeing how I was always the different, awkward character. Little did I know, my innocent, and seemingly harmless routine of puffing a single cigarette a week would soon transition into an annoying, yet deadly (annoying, yet deadly? What the hell? I assume you mean "Annoying, and deadly"? component of my life. I later learned that moderate dosages of nicotine would suffice as a temporary cure for a certain neurological disorder I was born with. And my dose was anything but moderate. Before I knew it I was waking up to cigarettes and couldn’t go longer than an hour without taking a break. With that said, my self-control and ability to handle inconvenient situations I’m presented with declined, since I’d be quick to bail on complications at hand due to smoking becoming an easy way out.

I signed up for Rose City’s Tobacco Cessation program to receive a considerable amount of support and guidance as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less. As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t. I come from a family of smokers, most of which would give up anything to kick the habit, but are incapable of doing so. It’s encoded in my genes, and is avidly present in the lives of the people around me. The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit. You’d think I’d come to an ephemeral realization or be encouraged to stop with my mind dwelling on such thoughts, but the addiction itself outweighs the intense will intent to stop. After all, being miles ahead of heroin, *******, amphetamines, alcohol, and benzodiazepines, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances on earth.

Smoking itself it’s (is) a very mundane, yet illogical process. A finely grounded leaf is rolled into thin paper, sealed, and lit. The smoke, along with a sparkling cocktail of toxic ingredients is inhaled, and exhaled. Nothing is gained, but a notorious amount is sacrificed. Stupid it is. I cannot comprehend why it is accepted to smoke, why a remarkable percentage of society uses does it (apart from the obvious addiction factor), and how it came about. Perhaps it was a ritualistic primitive behavior exercised by early humans and Native Americans. But the question still stands; why are we replicating practices of primitive beings? Is our ability of rational thought so weak? Are we incapable of formulating new, innovative pastimes so much so that we resort to ancient self-destructive ones? Maybe it was passed down from generation to generation without a single person bothering to question it only because it was a “cool” thing to do. Something about the sight of a man negligibly handling fire at his fingertips demonstrates courage, bravery, and masculinity; the more appealing characteristics we’re biologically programmed to acknowledge. I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect.

Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions. If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill I'll change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage. Although I remain relatively healthy, the plausible aftermath of becoming a lung cancer victim inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions. It has become a burden to my daily life, wallet, and athletic performance in my favored sport. If I don’t put an end to it now, odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death.


inb4 tl;dr

in bold

Seriously though. I hope you didn't get a dictionary and thesaurus for the majority of this...

Yes, I am only 13. Yes, I am aware of the fact you are probably thinking I don't know what I'm doing.

[venge]

I commenced usage at age 14, with the primary intention of fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character.

awkward sentence

[KrisDeagle]

(half of it is bull****, just bear with me)



Project Ex: Tobacco Cessation

Comprised of over 400 toxic chemicals, triggering over 80 different forms of cancer, and being one of the leading causes of death, cigarettes and various other types of tobacco products are some of the most lethal commodities widely and legally consumed worldwide. With that in mind, one could hold tobacco companies responsible for mass genocide.

I commenced usage at age 14, with the primary intention of fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character. Little did I know, my innocent, seemingly harmless routine of puffing a single cigarette a week would soon transition into an annoying, yet deadly component of my life. I later learned that moderate dosages of nicotine would suffice as a temporary cure for a certain neurological disorder I was born with. And my dose was anything but moderate. Before I knew it I was waking up to cigarettes and couldn’t go longer than an hour without taking a break. With that said, my self-control and ability to handle inconvenient situations I’m presented with declined, since I’d be quick to bail on complications at hand due to smoking becoming an easy way out.

I signed up for Rose City’s Tobacco Cessation program to receive a considerable amount of support and guidance as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less. As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t. I come from a family of smokers, most of which would give up anything to kick the habit, but are incapable of doing so. It’s encoded in my genes, and is avidly present in the lives of the people around me. The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit. You’d think I’d come to an ephemeral realization or be encouraged to stop with my mind dwelling on such thoughts, but the addiction itself outweighs the intense will to stop. After all, being miles ahead of heroin, *******, amphetamines, alcohol, and benzodiazepines, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances on earth.

Smoking itself it’s a very mundane, yet illogical process. A finely grounded leaf is rolled into thin paper, sealed, and lit. The smoke, along with a sparkling cocktail of toxic ingredients is inhaled, and exhaled. Nothing is gained, but a notorious amount is sacrificed. Stupid it is. I cannot comprehend why it is accepted to smoke, why a remarkable percentage of society uses it (apart from the obvious addiction factor), and how it came about. Perhaps it was a ritualistic primitive behavior exercised by early humans and Native Americans. But the question still stands; why are we replicating practices of primitive beings? Is our ability of rational thought so weak? Are we incapable of formulating new, innovative pastimes so much so that we resort to ancient self-destructive ones? Maybe it was passed down from generation to generation without a single person bothering to question it only because it was a “cool” thing to do. Something about the sight of a man negligibly handling fire at his fingertips demonstrates courage, bravery, and masculinity; the more appealing characteristics we’re biologically programmed to acknowledge. I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect.

Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions. If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage. Although I remain relatively healthy, the plausible aftermath of becoming a lung cancer victim inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions. It has become a burden to my daily life, wallet, and athletic performance in my favored sport. If I don’t put an end to it now, odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death.


inb4 tl;dr

Strong Yoda.

[beardymcbeard]

doesnt sound good?

i got commenced from a thesaurus. what should i change it to

"My experience with tobacco began at age 14 as I had my first cigarette, with the intention of elevating my status from the socially awkward tag along to an integral and accepted member of the group."



Also, aren't essays supposed to be in third person?

[weightlifters]

"various other" is redundant. Choose one


" fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character"

remove the latter after peers and end with a period. it's assumed you're different because of the former




"And my dose"

Change to But. You want a transition. The sentence does not add to the previous one's information.




" With that said, my self-control"

remove this transition. It flows better without it.





"as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less."


Awkward ending to the sentence. Change it to something like "in an attempt to cure my debilitating addiction", or something to that degree.





"As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t."

Change this sentence. I would use "However, the program..."






The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit.

"Not necessary and distracts the reader from the intent of the essay"




"After all, being miles"

not needed here.



"Stupid it is"

lol yoda? remove this



" (apart from the obvious addiction factor)"

obvious and unnecessary





"I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect."



be confident on your stand. you can bring up a counterargument, but don't doubt your argument.




"Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions."

incredibly horrible topic sentence to a conclusion. Bring everything mentioned to a close.




" If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage."


Awkward and confusing to the reader




" inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions."

inclines doesn't fit very well here. choose another verb or wording




" odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death."


I would use inevitable rather than impending. you're basically saying your death could happen soon. inevitable is a better word choice



fix your thesis


this is what taking ap english does to me v_v

[Propogation]

"various other" is redundant. Choose one


" fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character"

remove the latter after peers and end with a period. it's assumed you're different because of the former




"And my dose"

Change to But. You want a transition. The sentence does not add to the previous one's information.




" With that said, my self-control"

remove this transition. It flows better without it.





"as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less."


Awkward ending to the sentence. Change it to something like "in an attempt to cure my debilitating addiction", or something to that degree.





"As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t."

Change this sentence. I would use "However, the program..."






The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit.

"Not necessary and distracts the reader from the intent of the essay"




"After all, being miles"

not needed here.



"Stupid it is"

lol yoda? remove this



" (apart from the obvious addiction factor)"

obvious and unnecessary





"I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect."



be confident on your stand. you can bring up a counterargument, but don't doubt your argument.




"Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions."

incredibly horrible topic sentence to a conclusion. Bring everything mentioned to a close.




" If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage."


Awkward and confusing to the reader




" inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions."

inclines doesn't fit very well here. choose another verb or wording




" odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death."


I would use inevitable rather than impending. you're basically saying your death could happen soon. inevitable is a better word choice



fix your thesis


this is what taking ap english does to me v_v

urge to take AP english...

[Aciendo]

"My experience with tobacco began at age 14 as I had my first cigarette, with the intention of elevating my status from the socially awkward tag along to an integral and accepted member of the group."



Also, aren't essays supposed to be in third person?

You can use "I" in informal essays.

nothing to really improve op, just grammatical errors

[dowg16]

More facts/statistics, less opinion and social beliefs. Also, you should state a thesis and back it up.