(half of it is bull****, just bear with me)
Project Ex: Tobacco Cessation
Comprised of over 400 toxic chemicals, triggering over 80 different forms of cancer, and being one of the leading causes of death, cigarettes and various other types of tobacco products are some of the most lethal commodities widely and legally consumed worldwide. With that in mind, one could hold tobacco companies responsible for mass genocide.
I commenced usage at age 14, with the primary intention of fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character. Little did I know, my innocent, seemingly harmless routine of puffing a single cigarette a week would soon transition into an annoying, yet deadly component of my life. I later learned that moderate dosages of nicotine would suffice as a temporary cure for a certain neurological disorder I was born with. And my dose was anything but moderate. Before I knew it I was waking up to cigarettes and couldn’t go longer than an hour without taking a break. With that said, my self-control and ability to handle inconvenient situations I’m presented with declined, since I’d be quick to bail on complications at hand due to smoking becoming an easy way out.
I signed up for Rose City’s Tobacco Cessation program to receive a considerable amount of support and guidance as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less. As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t. I come from a family of smokers, most of which would give up anything to kick the habit, but are incapable of doing so. It’s encoded in my genes, and is avidly present in the lives of the people around me. The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit. You’d think I’d come to an ephemeral realization or be encouraged to stop with my mind dwelling on such thoughts, but the addiction itself outweighs the intense will to stop. After all, being miles ahead of heroin, *******, amphetamines, alcohol, and benzodiazepines, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances on earth.
Smoking itself it’s a very mundane, yet illogical process. A finely grounded leaf is rolled into thin paper, sealed, and lit. The smoke, along with a sparkling cocktail of toxic ingredients is inhaled, and exhaled. Nothing is gained, but a notorious amount is sacrificed. Stupid it is. I cannot comprehend why it is accepted to smoke, why a remarkable percentage of society uses it (apart from the obvious addiction factor), and how it came about. Perhaps it was a ritualistic primitive behavior exercised by early humans and Native Americans. But the question still stands; why are we replicating practices of primitive beings? Is our ability of rational thought so weak? Are we incapable of formulating new, innovative pastimes so much so that we resort to ancient self-destructive ones? Maybe it was passed down from generation to generation without a single person bothering to question it only because it was a “cool” thing to do. Something about the sight of a man negligibly handling fire at his fingertips demonstrates courage, bravery, and masculinity; the more appealing characteristics we’re biologically programmed to acknowledge. I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect.
Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions. If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage. Although I remain relatively healthy, the plausible aftermath of becoming a lung cancer victim inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions. It has become a burden to my daily life, wallet, and athletic performance in my favored sport. If I don’t put an end to it now, odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death.
inb4 tl;dr
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06-06-2011, 04:19 PM #1
yo Tmisc, rate my essay/10. will rep anyone who improves it
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06-06-2011, 04:22 PM #2
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06-06-2011, 04:22 PM #3
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06-06-2011, 04:26 PM #4
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06-06-2011, 04:27 PM #5
Good essay op. Maybe you should list some more statistics and a few names of what kind of cancers out of 80. ( just saying )
quitters will always quit and be a failure in life
Never give up and reach your goals no matter what and be successful in life. Ask yourself why am i here? Why am i doing this?
Truth sometimes hurt
Truth sometimes makes you feel good
one way or another each comment is your motive to go even further
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06-06-2011, 04:27 PM #6
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06-06-2011, 04:28 PM #7
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06-06-2011, 04:29 PM #8
WTF is your thesis on? You say a bunch of facts and then throw out an opinion which was never justified by commentary or concrete detail. You could say the beginning was concrete detail but that really isn't how an essay is formed.
The only beef I have with it is in the beginning. It seems unfitting. Try something like this
1st sentence: VERY general statement
2nd: Expand
3rd: Thesis
Did your teacher tell you to set it up that way? Tbh, I really don't think that it works.Founder and CEO of Quick Cup, LLC.
thephilanthrocapitalist.com
"The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens."
Arnold Schwarzenegger
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06-06-2011, 04:31 PM #9
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06-06-2011, 04:35 PM #10
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06-06-2011, 04:35 PM #11
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06-06-2011, 04:37 PM #12Founder and CEO of Quick Cup, LLC.
thephilanthrocapitalist.com
"The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens."
Arnold Schwarzenegger
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06-06-2011, 05:25 PM #13
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06-06-2011, 05:27 PM #14
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06-06-2011, 05:41 PM #15
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06-06-2011, 05:44 PM #16
- Join Date: Feb 2008
- Location: Gold Coast, QLD, Australia
- Posts: 6,257
- Rep Power: 4463
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06-06-2011, 06:02 PM #17
"various other" is redundant. Choose one
" fitting in with my peers, being as I was always the different, awkward character"
remove the latter after peers and end with a period. it's assumed you're different because of the former
"And my dose"
Change to But. You want a transition. The sentence does not add to the previous one's information.
" With that said, my self-control"
remove this transition. It flows better without it.
"as to how to go about effectively giving up my addiction, or at least progressively smoking less."
Awkward ending to the sentence. Change it to something like "in an attempt to cure my debilitating addiction", or something to that degree.
"As much as I’d like to believe the program was of assistance, it wasn’t."
Change this sentence. I would use "However, the program..."
The urge is so overwhelming that I’m sitting here typing a paper with a primary point of focus on the negative aspects of tobacco -- with a cigarette lit.
"Not necessary and distracts the reader from the intent of the essay"
"After all, being miles"
not needed here.
"Stupid it is"
lol yoda? remove this
" (apart from the obvious addiction factor)"
obvious and unnecessary
"I could be wrong, in which case consumption of tobacco harbors only undesirable effects in every aspect."
be confident on your stand. you can bring up a counterargument, but don't doubt your argument.
"Enough with excess speculating and pondering answers to insubstantial questions."
incredibly horrible topic sentence to a conclusion. Bring everything mentioned to a close.
" If something is wrong with the matter at hand, ill change it to accommodate my preferences. Hence, I will discontinue steady usage."
Awkward and confusing to the reader
" inclines me towards reconsideration of my decisions."
inclines doesn't fit very well here. choose another verb or wording
" odds are it will be the cause of my impending premature death."
I would use inevitable rather than impending. you're basically saying your death could happen soon. inevitable is a better word choice
fix your thesis
this is what taking ap english does to me v_v
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06-06-2011, 06:13 PM #18
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06-06-2011, 06:30 PM #19
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06-06-2011, 07:13 PM #20
More facts/statistics, less opinion and social beliefs. Also, you should state a thesis and back it up.
Current/By July(Beginning of summer) - Bench to chest, squat parallel, deadlift no belt or straps.
Bench: 215/250
Squat: ???/315
Deadlift: 390/450
Come visit my log: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=130504833
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