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  1. #1
    winter is coming brahnnosaurusrex's Avatar
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    im tipsy, first one to tell the most offensive joke gets reps

    ^^^^^^
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  2. #2
    brb ballin KillahPriest's Avatar
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    what do you call a hooker with a runny nose




















































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  3. #3
    Registered User Gif_Brah's Avatar
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    what do you call a hooker with a runny nose




















































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    EDIT* ^^^ WTF? Beat me to it.
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  4. #4
    *Platinum Account* meteoraniac's Avatar
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    Sloots come and go but moms are forever

    Get to know your parents: you never know when they'll be gone for good.
    Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
    Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it: it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
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  5. #5
    Registered User TheBroseidon's Avatar
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    Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”

    She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a ****phile!”

    Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."
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  6. #6
    Banned pb123456789's Avatar
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    what do you call a hooker with a runny nose




















































    full

    edit. omg..we all came in here to tell the same joke.
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  7. #7
    traps everyday. strong007's Avatar
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    what do you call a hooker with a runny nose




















































    op
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    Anti-Misc Detective
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  8. #8
    Registered User bigboihustle's Avatar
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    a black guy and a white guy are in a third story bar, the white guy takes a shot of wiskey and jumps out of the window and lands on his head and walks back up to the third floor, the black guy ask how'd you do dat, and the white guy says its all in the wiskey, the black guy says i dont believe it do it again, so the white guy takes another shot of wiskey and jumps out the window and lands on his back and walks back up to the third floor, the black guy says give me a shot of that whiskey and jumps out the 3rd story bar to his death, so the bartender then calls the cop and says "you better get down here, superman is f u c k i n g with the n i g g e r s again."
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  9. #9
    Oil Brah wierzbowski's Avatar
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    What do call 4 mexicans, and chinese guy and 3 black guys walking down the street?


    A sprinkler

    spic spic spic spic chink nagger nagger nagger nagger
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  10. #10
    Registered User BeerBellySC's Avatar
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    JAPAN!













    lol









    too soon?
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  11. #11
    Who the **** was phone?! Robmnrd's Avatar
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    blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah



















































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  12. #12
    Banned Schnitter's Avatar
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    In before









    OP 6k reps and MOD Negs.

    EDIT: Already beaten, 2 na@gger jokes already.
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  13. #13
    Banned Thread Bomber's Avatar
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    A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What as*hole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them".








    An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.

    The teacher says, 'Save the children!'

    The lawyer yells, 'F*CK THE CHILDREN!'

    The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'






    A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?"








    Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".

    to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we ****ed all day"

    "Did you get a blow job?"

    "Naw, I couldnt find her head"







    I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.






    A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas. So the poor man asks the rich man, "what are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says "well, if she doesn't like the earrings she can drive to the store and exchange them."

    The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him "so, what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man asks "why those two things?" The poor man astutely responds "this way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go f*ck herself."









    A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
    "You must be single." the clerk says.
    Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
    "Because you're ugly".









    Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."






    A woman successfully gives birth after several hours of labor. The doctor takes the baby and leaves the room to perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms and then suddenly begins to punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against an adjacent wall. The woman screams, "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!" To which the doctor replies, "April Fool's! It was already dead!"
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  14. #14
    Registered User b4disaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by brahnnosaurusrex View Post
    ^^^^^^
    a black person and a jew both jump off of the empire state building. who hits the ground first?
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  15. #15
    Rep Power: Over 9000 buknasty's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by brahnnosaurusrex View Post
    ^^^^^^
    puerto ricans are lazy
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  16. #16
    Registered User b4disaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by b4disaster View Post
    a black person and a jew both jump off of the empire state building. who hits the ground first?
    Who cares.
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  17. #17
    winter is coming brahnnosaurusrex's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by wierzbowski View Post
    What do call 4 mexicans, and chinese guy and 3 black guys walking down the street?


    A sprinkler

    spic spic spic spic chink nagger nagger nagger nagger
    ahahahaha best one but i repped you recently apparently
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  18. #18
    Banned Thread Bomber's Avatar
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    A proctologist walks into the bank and he reaches inside his jacket to get his pen to endorse his check but to his chagrin, pulls out his rectal thermometer instead.

    "Goddamnit," he thinks, "some *******'s got my pen."


    An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "i got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's." And the old man says "at least i don't have Cancer."



    At a job interview, the HR person asked this question to a female applicant:

    Suppose a male co-worker you are standing next to says "Your hair smells very nice today, Amy", would you consider that sexual harrassment?

    Amy: "Oh no. Never. It's just a compliment."

    HR: "Even if that co-worker is a midget?"


    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

    He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"


    Why can't Helen Keller drive?

    Because she's a woman.


    A man gets home from work and sees his girlfriend standing in the doorway, suitcases in hand, about to leave him.

    She's furious and says to him, "I found out you're a ****phile!"

    The man says, "that's a pretty big word for a 7 year old."


    A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down.

    Bartender walks up and says, "Hey man, did you know there's a drink named after you?"

    Grasshopper says, "You gotta be ****ting me -- you got a drink named Steven?"



    Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

    Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender asks, "Why do you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate responds, "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts."


    So this punk rocker is walking down the street when a guy asks him, "Hey, what exactly is punk rock?" So the punker kicks over a trash can and says, "That's ****ing punk rock!" So the guy kicks over a trash can and goes, "That's punk rock?" The punker says, "No, that's trendy."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Why do black men only have nightmares? Because the last one that had a dream got shot.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    A cute white girl meets a black guy at a bar. They get to know each other, and she goes home with him.

    Once they get home, they begin to take their clothes off and the girl, taking off his pants, says to the guy, "Prove to me that what they say about black men is true!"

    So he stabs her and takes her purse.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took the first man to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

    "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!"

    "You can't be serious," said the man, "I could never shoot my wife."

    The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

    The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried," he said, "but I can't kill my wife."

    The agent said, "You don't have what it takes; take your wife and go home."

    Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another, until the clip was empty. Then they heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

    She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "Somebody loaded the gun with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Two guys are fishing, at the end of the day they have caught three fish. The one looks at the other and says, "You know if you take in the cost of the boat, and the gas, the fishing licenses, the tackle and everything else, it cost us a good $500 a fish." The other guy says, "man, it's a good thing we didn't catch more."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Q: How does a blind skydiver know he is about to hit the ground?

    A: The leash goes slack

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----
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  19. #19
    Banned Schnitter's Avatar
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    What do you tell a girl with TWO black eyes?



    Nothing, you told her twice already.
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  20. #20
    Banned Thread Bomber's Avatar
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    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

    The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

    F'drizzle.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    What does Snoop Dogg love about stone carving? The chisel.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    A Rabbi and a Priest are walking down the street when they see a 7 year old boy come out of a candy store.

    The Priest says "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid with me?"

    to which the Rabbi replies "OUT OF WHAT?"

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Today's class is sex education. Teacher draws a picture of a penis on the blackboard. She asks, "OK. class. Can anyone tell me what this is?" Of course Dirty Johnny is the only student to raise his hand.

    "Anyone?" Teacher asks hopefully, not wanting to pick Johnny. After a few moments when no one else raises their hand she sighs and says, "Ok, Johnny, but please keep it clean!"

    "That's a penis!" says Johnny.

    "That's right," says Teacher, surprised at Johnny's simple answer. Then he adds, "I know because my Daddy has two of them."

    "Oh, no," says Teacher. "That's not possible. He only has one."

    "No," says Johnny. "He has a little one for going pee pee and a big one for brushing the babysitters teeth!"






    end of joke

    So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast a possible. The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, its really not healthy to eat all that candy." The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old." The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own ****ing business."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    A man visits his doctor with an embarrassing condition. His penis is bright orange. After running some inconclusive tests, the doctor is puzzled. "I have to admit, I've never seen anything like this before. Do you work with any exotic chemicals?"

    "Actually," the patient replies, "I've been retired for a few years now."

    "So, what do you do with your time?"

    "Well, lately I've just been watching porn and eating Cheetos."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

    The librarian says, "**** off! You won't bring it back."

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a beer. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

    The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
    The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
    The bouncer is a blonde girl.
    I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
    The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
    The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

    'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

    The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
    After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the **** out of his grandmothers *******. Just really going to town on it.
    The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    The Secretary of Defense is giving President Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

    "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

    His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

    Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    News reports are coming in that a tragic fire in the Oval Office has destroyed the personal library of President Barack Hussein Obama. Both of his books have been lost.

    White House spokesperson, Robert Lane Gibbs, said that the president had taken it very badly and was devastated as he as he had not yet finished coloring the second one.

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Asian lady to bank teller: "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two huned dolla fo yen. Today I get huned eighty?? Why it change?"

    Teller "Fluctuations".

    Asian lady, "Fluc you white people, too".

    ----- END OF JOKE -----

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

    So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

    "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "The Pope," his boss replies.

    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

    He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the **** is that on the balcony with Dave?"
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  21. #21
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    Originally Posted by BeerBellySC View Post
    JAPAN!

    lol

    too soon?
    My neg made you match their flag.

    1k+
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    What's the hardest part about throwing a baby down the stairs?































    My boner.
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    Causation does not imply correlation.

    "I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation [and] is but a reflection of human frailty." Albert Einstein
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    What gets louder as it gets smaller?
    A baby in the trash compactor

    What is red, bubbly, and scratching at the glass?
    A baby in the microwave.

    If women aren't meant to be in the kitchen why do they have milk and eggs inside them?
    Mind over matter ☮

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    Originally Posted by brahnnosaurusrex View Post
    ahahahaha best one but i repped you recently apparently
    fffffffufuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
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    What is the difference between a baby and a loaf of bread?
    The bread doesn't scream when you cut it.

    How do you get a black man from a tree?
    You cut the rope.

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    One on the drivers seat, one on the passangers seat and twenty in the ashtray.
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