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  1. #1
    Registered User israbrah's Avatar
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    advice in a long distance relationship

    first of all cliffs:
    - met a couple of months ago when she came to my country for an organized trip which i was in, hooked up then.
    - kept staying in touch via facebook/skype for 2 months pretty intensely (would talk every 2-3 days).
    - she came again here a couple of weeks ago for another organized trip, spent alot of time together and it was good, she stayed longer just with me and we agreed on being together in a LDR and see what happens and if things will work out.
    - im flying to her soon for a couple of weeks and shes coming here in a couple of months to spend a significant amount of time.
    - really nice girl, perfect for me, is down to earth and does not play games and is different from most girls, has been with very few guys which is good, has some problems with opening up and talking about whats inside.
    - since she left her for the last time we have been communicating everyday via facebook/skype/emails.

    now my little problem, first like 2 weeks after she left she would be all "i miss you", "i like you" all the time, just send random messages to my inbox etc.. last couple of days she like toned it down.. and would like just tease/be mean haha to me, for example: i said "what if i bought a plane ticket to a different country" (regarding me flying there soon) and she was "you should have", i know its in a jokingly way but it still bothers me, and she would throw something like that once in a while. usually im the logical/reasonable guy that would give advice to not worry about little things like that, but i really like this girl so it gets to me and im missing the display of affection. should i bring it up in a conversation with her? like, "is everything ok? cause i noticed your behaving differently lately". im guessing im being a little bitch about it and i should just disregard it. btw, i've never been in a serious relationship so i dont really have anything to compare it to.
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  2. #2
    scientist genius pimp Caesar735's Avatar
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    so many things wrong


    Last edited by Caesar735; 04-11-2011 at 08:19 AM.
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  3. #3
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    I find it impossible to hold down a girl who is a 2 hour car drive away. You really think this can work long term?
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  4. #4
    Adapt or Die. El Elyon's Avatar
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    3% it'll work out. Example, there are many people in the army who come home to their wives with other fellas, let alone someone who you have known for a few months.

    Either way good luck... But it's TNT waiting to blow imo. Sorry, man.
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  5. #5
    Registered User DunkinD's Avatar
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    I would end things now. You seriously doing a LDR and the girls lives over seas. Do you really think you or her will move to be with one another. I know I would never move over seas for a girl.

    I did the whole LDR and it was cool while it lasted but I would never do it again. We both trusted one another but just the distance was to much. Even though we saw each other every 2 weeks those times during the w/o her were hard.

    And seriously you will drop so much money on travel. Things will not end well.
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  6. #6
    Registered User israbrah's Avatar
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    hmm well none of the responses were about my question haha, but anyway.. i know it sounds bad and alot of LDR dont work out and im not being naive, im a reasonable person, and with her and under our circumstances i do see potential for it to work. i wont go into details but she has a strong connection to my country and i lived in the past for several years at her country and liked it there, so i do see someone moving somewhere as an option or some sort of other arraignment in the future.

    i'm aware of the main ALPHA mantra going on here and not giving a **** about girls etc.., but for me finding someone i love for a serious relationship, and obviously its premature to even talk about it, but in the end marrage, is one of the main goals in my life, so i will make the efforts to make it happen. and this girl is too good for me to give up on (sounds beta i know but whatever).
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  7. #7
    Registered User gooober's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by israbrah View Post
    hmm well none of the responses were about my question haha, but anyway.. i know it sounds bad and alot of LDR dont work out and im not being naive, im a reasonable person, and with her and under our circumstances i do see potential for it to work. i wont go into details but she has a strong connection to my country and i lived in the past for several years at her country and liked it there, so i do see someone moving somewhere as an option or some sort of other arraignment in the future.

    i'm aware of the main ALPHA mantra going on here and not giving a **** about girls etc.., but for me finding someone i love for a serious relationship, and obviously its premature to even talk about it, but in the end marrage, is one of the main goals in my life, so i will make the efforts to make it happen. and this girl is too good for me to give up on (sounds beta i know but whatever).
    are your problems with her not showing affection and not opening up? i also had a girl like that. they usually have alot of issues from their past (maybe an ex?) and getting them to open up is a long and strenuous process. the whole time you will doubt yourself if you are enough for her, while you wonder why she is acting how she does.. if you are close with her tell her that it bothers you, she will probably get defensive but you can go from there. if she opens up, its a good sign. imo if you think its worth it, do it, but prepare yourself for a long period where you will hurt yourself
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  8. #8
    Opie One Kenobi Ramy33's Avatar
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    End it. Now.
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  9. #9
    Registered User israbrah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by gooober View Post
    are your problems with her not showing affection and not opening up? i also had a girl like that. they usually have alot of issues from their past (maybe an ex?) and getting them to open up is a long and strenuous process. the whole time you will doubt yourself if you are enough for her, while you wonder why she is acting how she does.. if you are close with her tell her that it bothers you, she will probably get defensive but you can go from there. if she opens up, its a good sign. imo if you think its worth it, do it, but prepare yourself for a long period where you will hurt yourself
    yeah thats why i originally opened this thread. she told me herself she is this way and she doesnt know why but shes trying to get over it, we talk about that issue. when she was here and we spent time together it got alot better and i really got her comfortable with me, and it was pretty good the 2-3 weeks after she left. but now i feel like she took a step back.. it could be any other reason for her to act that way the last couple of days and is only temporary.

    now my dilemma is if i should bring it up, cause it can make me look insecure and a phaggot basically haha.. although we are close and atleast when she was here i felt comfortable talking with her about anything. and i know things are probably be good once i fly and see her which is in a couple of weeks.
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  10. #10
    Registered User gooober's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by israbrah View Post
    yeah thats why i originally opened this thread. she told me herself she is this way and she doesnt know why but shes trying to get over it, we talk about that issue. when she was here and we spent time together it got alot better and i really got her comfortable with me, and it was pretty good the 2-3 weeks after she left. but now i feel like she took a step back.. it could be any other reason for her to act that way the last couple of days and is only temporary.

    now my dilemma is if i should bring it up, cause it can make me look insecure and a phaggot basically haha.. although we are close and atleast when she was here i felt comfortable talking with her about anything. and i know things are probably be good once i fly and see her which is in a couple of weeks.
    depends how well you know her. i had the same issue with my girl. i spoke to her about it because we were both comfortable around each other and she gave me a truthful answer, that since her ex she has had issues opening up about her feelings. i invested a lot of time and it didn't seem to be getting better, and i actually just recently ended it. if i had to guess, she opened up because she felt comfortable and then regretted it in the future because she didn't know if she could trust you as much as she thought. think about how you acted when you got those emotions out of her. that is the way you want to act around her. if i could give you any advice, don't sit there and wonder what if? just ask her in a non-confrontational way. the longer you wait, the longer it will hurt and you wonder. but it seems like you already asked. if things are weird when you see her, ask her again. tell her it hurts you. don't worry about being "insecure and a phaggot" if you are serious with her. if she thinks that makes you insecure, then she is not the girl you want to be with.
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  11. #11
    Registered User israbrah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by gooober View Post
    depends how well you know her. i had the same issue with my girl. i spoke to her about it because we were both comfortable around each other and she gave me a truthful answer, that since her ex she has had issues opening up about her feelings. i invested a lot of time and it didn't seem to be getting better, and i actually just recently ended it. if i had to guess, she opened up because she felt comfortable and then regretted it in the future because she didn't know if she could trust you as much as she thought. think about how you acted when you got those emotions out of her. that is the way you want to act around her. if i could give you any advice, don't sit there and wonder what if? just ask her in a non-confrontational way. the longer you wait, the longer it will hurt and you wonder. but it seems like you already asked. if things are weird when you see her, ask her again. tell her it hurts you. don't worry about being "insecure and a phaggot" if you are serious with her. if she thinks that makes you insecure, then she is not the girl you want to be with.
    thanks for the advice brah, i'm pretty sure im over complicating things, she just texted me shes on her way home and she will be really sad if im not online when she gets there, so i think things are ok i was just freaking out for no reason.

    her problem by the way isnt that she doesnt want to open up, its like she has something in her head that she wants to say but literally the words just dont come out even though she wants to say it.
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  12. #12
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    End it ASAP!!!!
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by israbrah View Post
    thanks for the advice brah, i'm pretty sure im over complicating things, she just texted me shes on her way home and she will be really sad if im not online when she gets there, so i think things are ok i was just freaking out for no reason.

    her problem by the way isnt that she doesnt want to open up, its like she has something in her head that she wants to say but literally the words just dont come out even though she wants to say it.
    you probably are overcomplicating things. i did the same and ended up screwing a good relationship up because of my own issues. ask yourself why you want to hear these things. are you insecure and need constant affirmation to make sure you are doing it right? imo, if she is acting normal and opening up, it is ok. it is a slow process but will be worth it in the end. don't go down a destructive route just so you can hear a few words from her. good luck
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    It might just be that she's realised herself that your situation isn't ideal and might not work out so is taking a bit of a step back. It's easy to become head over heels at the start of a relationship and it can be disheartening to be so far away from each other.

    It can work. I had a long distance relationship with my husband and he moved to my country to be with me.

    You are young though - I don't know if I would recommend so much commitment in a long distance relationship when you're so young.
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    these types of relationship are hard enough already and it's even harder when you aren't open and honest with each other. try talking to her and if she doesn't open up i would move on.
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    Originally Posted by Lunu View Post
    It might just be that she's realised herself that your situation isn't ideal and might not work out so is taking a bit of a step back. It's easy to become head over heels at the start of a relationship and it can be disheartening to be so far away from each other.

    It can work. I had a long distance relationship with my husband and he moved to my country to be with me.

    You are young though - I don't know if I would recommend so much commitment in a long distance relationship when you're so young.
    No wk but this is the only intelligent post by a woman I've ever seen on this forum. GJDM.

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